Real talk? You're allowed to be mad at your mom. You're allowed to not want to forgive her. You're allowed to feel how ever you are feeling. The only advice I can give is what I do (with an abusive mother and living with my abusers). I focus on the future I can have once I leave this house. It's not impossible, you have a future. Look to it and shape it with your actions until you're living it. You control your future. Don't let others try and fuck with that shit, it's yours. Good luck!
SNNZ thank u n sorry i answered this late, i wanted to think about it for a while ddj
i wrote a lot so see below for some thoughts