this is what i do on christmas break

Like honestly, why is it such a big deal that Ron struggles and complains about his problems once in a while when all other times he is always does his best to be there for his friends with their problems? People who complain about him act like he’s super unsympathetic and never helps Harry when like, off the top of my head, things Ron has done:

-Would always either stay at Hogwarts so Harry wouldn’t be alone on Christmas, or would invite Harry to his family’s for Christmas. Was also super casual about it and would come up with excuses why he was doing this so Harry wouldn’t feel awkward.

-when Harry didn’t write back to him, he quickly became worried the Dursleys were doing something bad to him, told his family about it (SEVERAL TIMES, apparently)  (like as far as I can tell every single day Harry didn’t write back Ron was panicking about it to his parents and siblings and wondering what the hell was going on) and then he hatched a plan with his brothers to steal a car, break the law, fly all the way to Harry’s house, forcibly grabbed him from his screaming relatives and then took him to his house. 

-Generally acts super chill about his mum blatantly giving Harry more attention than him, because he knows Harry needs it. Like, aside from a few jokes about it, he never acted overtly resentful about that. I think the Horcrux revealed that it made him insecure about whether his mum liked Harry more deep down (I’d have to reread the seventh book it’s been a while) yet he never once mentioned this. The fact he never let that show out of empathy for Harry is pretty impressive.

-tried to call Harry on the telephone despite not knowing how to use it and was then worried that he got Harry in trouble.

-when Harry wrote that he needed food, Ron once again informed his entire family and got an entire truckload sent to him.

-He informed Harry that even if he had to kidnap him from the Dursley’s home again, he was going to get Harry to spend the summer with them his family and see the Quidditch World Cup. He worked with his family to get an invitation sent to the Dursleys, then immediately wrote Harry a personal note saying “btw if they say no we’re coming anyway I will beat them all up if i have to”)

-if anyone badmouths Harry or Hermione in front of him, even someone he likes (like Seamus), he will rabidly defend them and basically prepare to fight that person.

-this includes teachers

-if someone calls Hermione (or anyone) a slur he will have to be physically restrained from attacking that person.

-when McG wouldn’t let Harry go to Hogsmeade Ron was in deep despair over the unfairness of it all, got personally angry and called McG several curse words. He and Hermione got Harry ton of sweets while they were there and tried to downplay how fun it was.

-When Percy wrote him a letter telling him to drop Harry as a friend, Ron made a giant show of ripping the letter into pieces and throwing it dramatically into a fire (what a nerd, honestly)

-generally did his best to be patient and understanding with Harry’s depression and anger issues in fifth year, but would firmly point out to him when he was crossing a line without flipping out back at him.

(which, as previous examples demonstrate, Ron’s fuse is pretty short, so that likely required a lot of effort on his part) 

(like, he and Hermione never invalidated Harry’s feelings, but Ron would point out when he was getting angry at the wrong people in a pretty calm way.  He said something like “It’s not our fault Snape and Umbridge are like that. We think you should stop taking it out on us when we’re on your side.” He was able to set boundaries and make Harry realize his behavior wasn’t okay while also making it clear he knew he was dealing with a lot and he was here for him and supported him. Pretty good example of how to friend and a lot more mature than most 15 year olds could have managed.)

-when he found out about Umbridge’s abuse, he was visibly sickened, argued with Harry for a long time than he needed to tell an adult, was upset Harry hadn’t mentioned it and when he couldn’t convince Harry, apparently told Hermione so she could help out and give him healing stuff. 

-also just the general fact he gladly went along with all of Harry’s super dangerous adventures and literally said he would die for him and never acted resentful of nearly getting murdered on a regular basis due to association with Harry

-guys Ron even told Voldermort to shut up when he said something mean about Harry i mean. let’s just consider that. He yelled at Voldemort. I’m pretty sure he was the first one who started yelling too.

So I really don’t get why people focus on the few times Ron complained and the whole two times in their seven year friendship when he got so fucked up about his own issues that he fought with Harry and didn’t support him (and the second time probably would not have happened if it weren’t EVIL SOUL SHARD THAT AMPLIFIED NEGATIVE FEELINGS) when the entire rest of their friendship is unwavering support. It’s so weird to me. You don’t have to like Ron, but acknowledge characters can be flawed and human and don’t hold him to ridiculous standards.

Deadpool (2016) Sentence Starters
  • "Shit... did I leave the stove on?"
  • "You're my hero!"
  • "No, no, no, THAT I ain't."
  • "I had another Liam Neeson nightmare."
  • "You know, they made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."
  • "What the SHIT?"
  • "I'm gonna wait out here, okay?"
  • "Fake laughter. Hiding real pain."
  • "I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s."
  • "Yeah, technically, this is murder."
  • "Love is blind, ____."
  • "This shit's gonna have nuts in it."
  • "You're a lovely lady/man, but I'm saving myself for ____."
  • "That's why I brought him/her."
  • "Do you like what you see?"
  • "Your face is the stuff of nightmares."
  • "Like a testicle with teeth."
  • "You will die alone."
  • "You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado."
  • "So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?"
  • "Think of it like spring cleaning."
  • "Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness."
  • "Finish fucking her the fuck up."
  • "Language, please."
  • "Suck a cock!"
  • "I'd go with you, but... I don't want to."
  • "If your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"
  • "Maximum effort."
  • "I'd say that you sound like an infomercial. But not a good one, like Slap Chop, more Shake Weight-y."
  • "Do you want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II."
  • "Listen ___, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much."
  • "Wanna get fucked up?"
  • "Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?"
  • "Fuck me!"
  • "I don't have time for your goody two-shoes bullshit right now!"
  • "Why such a douche this morning?"
  • "Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up."
  • "Today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo."
  • "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you."
  • "You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!"
  • "That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long."
  • "You're really gonna fuck this up for me?"
  • "You've got something in your teeth."
  • "Do you have an off switch?"
  • "We have everything we need now."
  • "I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window."
  • "Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?"
  • "That was not mean! I'm proud of you!"
  • "I'm gonna need all the guns."
  • "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
  • "Seltzer water and lemon for blood."
  • "It reeks like old lady pants in here."
  • "Your crazy matches my crazy. Big time."
  • "Four or five moments. That's all it takes to become a hero."
Day One Hundred and Thirty-Four

-While clocking in, I heard my coworker mention “busting a move in the bathroom.” My legal team has advised me to disclose that this is an entirely unrelated fact, but I have finally found the title for my upcoming debut ska EP.

-A child was rolled away after his mother’s purchase, and not a moment too soon. The forty-something woman behind them had some constructive-adjacent criticism for him and began to aggressively mock his inability to tell apart characters from Thomas the Tank Engine. I aspire to be like this woman, such a strong authority on a subject as to shamelessly school a toddler for such an elementary mistake.

-Today, I am confronting an entity I despise nearly as fervently as the Minions. At the start of my shift, I found myself stationed next to a Boss Baby display of unsettling proportions. I came to terms with this at 11:33, a fact I took note of, as I began a timer to see how long I could go before punting the arrogant entrepreneur all the way to electronics.

-A full roll of stickers was delivered to my lane. I am glad my brand is known enough that my coworkers know what to do when faced with fresh stickers. However, not to look a gift-manager in the mouth, I do wish I had options other than Christmas designs in July.

-A sweet grandmother was very excited about her purchase: a cozy onesie of a bear for her grandson. She raved about how cute it was, and how it even had a small top hat. I am very pleased for her, but I am unsure whether or not it is my place to break the news that she is dressing the boy up as a grizzly demonic animatronic from a franchise decidedly not meant to be marketed this heavily to grade-schoolers.

-It is no secret that I take great joy in riding our motorized shopping carts. Today I have been blessed with enough opportunity to hone my craft into a true art. I organized the cart return area without once dismounting my trusty steed and even took to the untamed wilderness of the parking lot to retrieve an abandoned one. All of the smooth maneuvers I have nailed today are proof that I would make a perfect getaway driver, and I am just one killer track away from being the Baby of shopping center heists.

painting the meadow’s void.

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: fluff fluff fluff / soulmate au

word count: 12,928

description: Engraved in your skin, the time and date that you will meet the person that fate believes is perfect for you. Seven years since the marks rose from the depths of your souls, the two of you have been waiting and now the moment is finally here. But the date of your meeting just also happens to be on Christmas and unfortunately Jungkook has absolutely no idea what to get for someone who somehow already means so much to him, yet he still knows so little about. 

request: soulmate timer au

note: this is incredibly cheesy, forgive me lol. also this is part of the seven days of christmas collaboration!

December 24th 10:52

Jungkook’s dreams are filled with starry skies. The black expanse painted with twinkling lights and a crescent moon finish. Lying on his back, the blades of grass falling between the spaces of his fingers. Everything feels so calm, a light breeze mixing with the coldness of the air around him. This is perfect, he thinks to himself. But then suddenly the gentle graze of something settles its way onto the palm of his hand and he thinks to himself — no, this is perfect.

The grip of his hand tightens around the soft and delicate skin of your wrist. He runs his thumb along the top of your knuckles as he tries to memorize the ridges of his self-conjured image of your being. It induces goosebumps along his entire body. Just from your touch alone, and in a dream no less, he is still so affected. A deep inhale enters his lungs before he turns to look at you lying next to him in the grassy meadow of his dreams. The edges of his vision are blurry and he can’t make out your face, but it doesn’t matter to him because this is perfect — you are perfect.

He wants to move closer. He wants to hold you in his arms, and he is so close to making this a reality, even if it is in his dreams, but then—

Keep reading

The mistletoe

After so many years Draco should already know that he shouldn’t piss Pansy off, but, since he doesn’t now he had to suffer the consequences.

It was the week before Christmas break and Pansy was feeling extra inspired by the holidays when she decided to point her wand at Draco and now he had to walk around with a mistletoe hovering above his head.

“What do you mean this will only go away once I kiss the person I love?”

“I mean exactly that, darling” she smirked. “Next time, don’t piss me off.”

“But I don’t love anyone” Draco tried.

“Shut up, Draco, if you didn’t the spell wouldn’t have worked.”

She smiled at him and left him alone, in the Slytherin common room, with a mistletoe on top of his head.

_________________________________

When Draco got to the Great Hall the normal noise of the conversations faded. The Slytherins were smirking at him – Pansy had already told them everything, probably; the Gryffindors were trying not to laugh, but it wasn’t really working; and the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were looking at him weirdly, but amused. Even the teachers were looking at him from the head table trying to understand what was in front of them.

Draco just raised an eyebrow, scowled and, with squared shoulders and head held high, headed to the Slytherin table.

“How are you, Draco?” Blaise smiled innocently.

“Good.”

“When are you going to get rid of that?” Pansy asked and Blaise laughed.

“Shut up, you two.”

That made Pansy and Blaise laugh even more and Draco asked himself the same question his friends had asked him before.

____________________________

For the rest of the week Draco walked around with the mistletoe, since he didn’t dare kiss the person he wanted to kiss.

“I can’t believe you didn’t get rid of that before the break” Pansy narrowed her eyes at him.

“I told you I don’t love anyone.”

“Shut up, Draco” she hugged him since the train was already ready to go. “We both know who you love.”

“Goodbye, Pansy, Blaise is already waiting for you.”

“Enjoy your holidays, darling.”

________________________________

Draco wasn’t sure if he would enjoy his holidays. He was one of the five only Slytherins that were staying at Hogwarts for the holidays and the other four were all younger than him.

After supper, Draco went to the library wanting to, at least, study in the holidays since there wasn’t much he could do. He was in the middle of a transfiguration essay when someone sat next to him.

“Whoever you are I’m not going to kiss you!” He said without looking up; he had already had some people going up to him offering a kiss because of the mistletoe.

“What makes you think I came here to kiss you, Malfoy?”

“What are you doing here, Potter?”

“I came here to study, hope you don’t mind.”

“Don’t let me stop you.”

They studied for some time, ignoring each other and focusing on the books and parchments in front of them.

“When is that going to go away?” Potter asked suddenly.

“What?”

“The mistletoe. It’s very distracting.”

“Why?”

Draco was really confused, not understanding what Potter was trying to tell him with this stupid conversation about the stupid mistletoe, but Potter started packing his things and got up before answering him.

“The answer to your question is that the mistletoe makes me want to follow the tradition” he grinned before exiting the library.

__________________________________

It was Christmas day and the students that had stayed at Hogwarts were having supper together, all sitting at the Hufflepuff table.

“Can I sit here?” Potter asked behind him.

“If you want to” Draco shrugged.

Harry smiled a little and sat next to him, starting a conversation with the Ravenclaw boy in front of him.

“Potter” Draco called when they had almost finished supper.

“Yes?” Harry looked at him.

“The other day in the library… what did you mean?”

“What did I mean when I said what?”

“Stop being difficult, you prat!”

“I mean exactly what I said… Draco.”

“Can people stop saying that?” He muttered. “And since when are we on first names basis, Potter?”

“You better get used to it and start calling me Harry.”

“You didn’t answer my question!”

“You know what I meant.”

“If I knew I wouldn’t be asking.”

Harry grinned and got closer to Draco in order to whisper on his ear.

“I meant that I want to kiss you and that that mistletoe on top of your head is making it harder to ignore the urge.”

Harry saw Draco blush and tried to hide his smile behind a spoon full of desert.

______________________________________

Harry was near the lake watching the sunrise; he had gotten up early just to watch it, the beautiful colours of the sun shining shyly and reflecting on the snow calmed him.

The sound of the snow crunching under footsteps made him rise his head and look at the place the sound had came from. He was surprised to see Draco appear in his view, but his lips curved into a smile when he saw the boy’s nose and cheeks red from the cold, making him look adorable.

“I didn’t know someone was here” he said once he was close enough for Harry to hear.

Draco moved his hand to take the hair out of his eyes and Harry’s eyes were drawn to the mistletoe above his head and his heart warmed with hope seeing that the blond boy hadn’t kissed anyone yet.

“Come sit with me” Harry smiled at him. “We can watch the sunrise together.”

“The sun has already raised, Potter.”

“I don’t care, just sit with me.”

Draco raised an eyebrow, but sat next to Harry anyway and looked at the view with a little smile on his face.

“I see you still haven’t done anything about that” he pointed at the mistletoe.

“Good to know your eyes work.”

Maybe if it was some years ago Harry would have answered in a different way, but now he couldn’t feel offended and he didn’t have the urge to reply in the same way so he just laughed like he never thought he would do with Malfoy.

“What are you laughing at, Potter?”

“It’s just… you’re funny, Draco.”

The other boy just looked at him surprised and, even though he tried to cover it, there was a smile on his lips when he faced the view again.

“What does it take to get rid of the mistletoe?” Harry asked curiously.

“A kiss.”

“Just that?”

“Yes.”

“Then why haven’t you kissed anyone yet?”

“Firstly, because I don’t go around kissing random people” he narrowed his eyes. “And because it has to be a kiss from the person I love.”

“And why haven’t you kissed that person yet?”

“Because I don’t think that that person wants to kiss me.”

“So you’re just going to walk around with that on top of your head your whole life?”

“Well, I don’t think this person would ever want to kiss me, but I’m hoping that Pansy has a counter spell.”

“Why do you say that that person would never want to kiss you?”

“Just drop it, Harry” he sighed.

“I don’t see why anyone would refuse to kiss you.”

“What?”

“I think you should just go for it, Draco. No one in the right state of mind, unless they are taken, would refuse you a kiss.”

Draco looked around with rosy cheeks that were like that not only because of the cold and a confused expression that made Harry’s heart warm and sad at the same time, because Draco shouldn’t be this insecure.

“I’m trying to give you a hint here, Draco. Stop overthinking and just get on with it.”

“Are you trying to say what I think you are trying to say or am I completely misunderstanding you?”

“I have to do it myself, don’t I?”

“Do what?”

“Honestly, Draco!” Harry shook his head with a chuckle.

Harry smiled at Draco with shiny green eyes and placed his hand on the back of his head, leaning forward and placing his lips on the other boy’s ones. Draco gasped a little and after a few seconds of wide eyed surprised he gripped Harry’s arms and kissed him back.

“I’m glad to see it’s gone” Harry smiled when the kiss ended.

“Is it?” Draco’s hands flew to the top of his head. “How did you know that it was you? How did you know that I love you?”

Harry sucked in a breath when he heard the other boy’s confession.

“I didn’t know, Draco, but I was hoping that you did.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you, too” Harry said simply and kissed him again.

Draco couldn’t help but think, when they were watching the beautiful colours of the early morning while walking back to the castle holding hands, that Pansy would be extremely disappointed to know that Draco and Harry kissed and he got rid of the mistletoe while she was still home.


Masterlist

I would love to thank Mr.Keanu Reeves for saying this during his Jimmy Fallon interview so i could make this gif and use it for everything in the future during unwanted conversations.

“So how’s life?”

“How’s school going?”


“So why did you and your ex break up?”

“Did you get that job?”

“Did you gain/lose weight?”

“What happened to this girl/boy you used to hang out with a million years ago?”

“What were your thoughts on “HiddleSwift” during the summer of 2016?”


This will be great around Christmas too. The default answer for nosy family members.

“Do you have a bf/gf?”

“When are you getting married?”

“When are you having kids?”

And so forth…

Batfam as things my fam has said

*the number of kids in the family keeps growing*

Dick: God, at this rate, we’re gonna have to rent out an arena for family reunions.

Jason: Family reunions? Who says I’m gonna want to see any of you again?

Damian: Who said we would invite you?

————————————————————————————–

Dick: So, should we eat at McDonald’s or Subway?

Tim: Who cares? We’re all just going to inevitably die anyway no matter where we eat, so what’s the point? What is the point?

Dick: …

Dick: So Subway?

Tim: Yeah, McDonald’s would only kill us faster.

————————————————————————————-

Damian: I don’t have friends. I just have you people.

Jason: No no. It’s, “I don’t have friends because I have you people.”

————————————————————————————

Dick: So, if you count nine months backwards from the month you were born, you get an idea of what might have brought on your creation.

Jason: That’s disgusting. Why would I want to know that?

Dick: *smiles evilly at Jason* 

Jason: You already figured mine out, didn’t you.

Dick: Congratulations! You are the product of one hell of a Christmas celebration!

Jason: I would’ve happily gone my entire life without knowing that.

————————————————————————————-

Dick: So were you born this evil or did something make you this way?

Damian: I’m the youngest in this train wreck of a family. What do you think?

Dick: Yeah okay.

————————————————————————————–

Dick: As your elder sibling, I’m going to give you some tips on how to survive in life.

Tim: Is that what you’re doing?

Dick: I– *breaks down* I honestly have no idea. 

————————————————————————————–

Dick: I have my great ass and my ability to completely ignore how much I don’t know what I’m doing working for me. What do you have?

Jason: A master plan and a raging, fiery sense of calculated vengeance. 

Dick: Yeah, that’ll do it.

—————————————————————————————

Tim and Damian: *watching the neighborhood kids play*

Tim: Look at them. They’re having so much fun. They’re so happy.

Damian: Yeah.

Damian: How long do you think it’ll be until they lose the will to live?

Tim: I don’t remember ever having one.

Damian:Yeah, those kids are doomed.

————————————————————————————-

Damian: This is so humiliating.

Dick: Hey, remember what family you’re in. We sold our dignity to the devil for good looks.

Jason: Yeah, and it looks like he ripped you off.

————————————————————————————-

Bruce: Good morning.

Damian: Dad, you just put salt in your coffee.

Bruce: Adulthood is a trap, son.

Damian: What are you–

Bruce: Happiness is an illusion.

Damian:

Bruce: I’m going back to bed.


Inspired by my hot mess of a family. If there’s one thing our dysfunctional dynamic brings, it’s humor in the face of crippling stress. lolol Hope you enjoyed!

rent; starter sentences.

  • ❛ I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be - and more of a woman than you’ll ever get. ❜
  • ❛ There are times when we’re dirt broke, hungry, and freezing, and I ask myself, why the hell am I still living here? ❜
  • ❛ Speeeeeeeeeeeak. ❜
  • ❛ Where’d you learn to tango? ❜
  • ❛ I’d forgotten how to smile, until your candle burned my skin. ❜
  • ❛ The opposite of war isn’t peace! It’s creation! ❜
  • ❛ I’d be happy to die for a taste of what _____ had! Someone to live for, unafraid to say ‘I love you.’ ❜
  • ❛ You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones. ❜
  • ❛ You know what, Miss Ivy League? I can’t take much more of this. This obsessive, compulsive, control-freak, paranoia. ❜
  • ❛ There will always be women in rubber flirting with me! Give me a break! ❜
  • ❛ Give in to love or live in fear. ❜
  • ❛ I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine. ❜
  • ❛ How do you start a fire when there’s nothing to burn, and it feels like something’s stuck in your flue? ❜
  • ❛ Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. ❜
  • ❛ Zoom in on my empty wallet. ❜
  • ❛ I try to open up to what I don’t know, because reason says I should have died three years ago… ❜
  • ❛ I didn’t recognize you without the handcuffs. ❜
  • ❛ I’ll cover you. With a thousand sweet kisses. ❜
  • ❛ Merry Christmas, bitches! ❜
  • ❛ Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me. Boys, girls, I can’t help it, baby. ❜
  • ❛ Take me for what I am! ❜
  • ❛ How do you document real life when real life’s getting more like fiction each day? ❜
  • ❛ I’ve longed to discover something as true as this is. ❜
  • ❛ I’m a New Yorker. Fear’s my life. ❜
  • ❛ You can’t quietly wipe oput an entire tent city then watch 'It’s a Wonderful Life’ on TV! ❜
  • ❛ This is NOT my barmitzvah! ❜
  • ❛ It’s hard to do this backwards. ❜
  • ❛ You should try it in heels. ❜
  • ❛ Measure your life in love! ❜
  • ❛ Have you ever doubted a kiss or two? ❜
  • ❛ This is spooky. ❜
  • ❛ Don’t get your ass kicked this time! ❜
  • ❛ I don’t own emotion, I rent. ❜
  • ❛ We’re dying in America at the end of the millennium. ❜
  • ❛ Has she ever pouted her lips and called you _____? ❜
  • ❛ Didn’t give an inch, when I gave a mile! ❜
  • ❛ Excuse me, did I do something wrong? I get invited then ignored all night long! ❜
  • ❛ I think they meant it when they said you can’t buy love. Now I know you can rent it, a new lease, you are my love. ❜
  • ❛ Would you light my candle? ❜
  • ❛ When you’re dancing her dance you don’t stand a chance. ❜
  • ❛ Actually… I feel great now. ❜
  • ❛ I feel lousy. ❜
  • ❛ This is weird. ❜
  • ❛ Fucking weird. ❜
  • ❛ Today for you, tomorrow for me! ❜
  • ❛ You earned this on the street? ❜
  • ❛ You can take the girl outta Hicksville, but you can’t take the Hicksville outta the girl. ❜
  • ❛ I just sold my soul. ❜
  • ❛ All you had to do was ask, and I’m yours. ❜
  • ❛ Hey look, all our shit’s back. ❜
  • ❛ To marijuana! ❜
  • ❛ You gonna put that trashcan back? ❜
  • ❛ A tiger in a cage can never see the sun! This diva needs her stage, baby, let’s have fun! ❜
  • ❛ It tastes the same. ❜
  • ❛ Now maybe you two can get back together! ❜
  • ❛ La vie Boheme! ❜
  • ❛ Baby, you’re drunk. ❜
  • ❛ I’ve been tryin’, I’m not lyin’! No one’s perfect, I’ve got baggage! ❜
  • ❛ Times are shitty, but I’m pretty sure they can’t get worse. ❜
  • ❛ Come on guys, chill! ❜
  • ❛ I once was born to be bad. ❜
  • ❛ Hey. Bum. Get your ass off the Range Rover. ❜
  • ❛ There is no future. There is no past. ❜
Santas Elves

Context: a one off for a holiday, simple and quick before the regular game. It was Christmas, me and my team were santa’s elves and we had to rescue him from a kidnapping. We were given 3 Christmas wishes yet, which we could summon anything we could imagine with. After trying to break into this castle, using a few wishes up (like a huge ladder to reach a window, and one person made a grenade), we finally find ourselves looking from above to see a room full of soldiers, except the soldiers are playing cards, and there’s a queen commanding this army.

Elf 1: I want to use a Christmas wish.

DM: This is your last one, what would you like to attempt to do?

Elf 1: I want to make 10,000 swords floating above the entire room, pointing down, and I want to drop them on the playing cards.

Elf 2: what the hell man??

DM: …you can certainly try

Elf 1: *rolls natural 20*

Coach and Suzanne, Part Four

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Warning: This bit contains a coming out that isn’t so great. Everything will be okay, this fic (and at this point it’s an actual fic and not just me head canoning all the livelong day) follows Ngozi’s intent for our boy. Bitty wins, you guys.


Suzanne keeps herself in check when she hears the rumble of the truck on the gravel driveway. Her hands are submerged in sudsy water, and she won’t go flying out the door getting soap everywhere, no matter how much she wants to. She runs cold water to rinse her hands, listening to the click of the truck engine outside the kitchen window, and dries them while the sound of Dickey teasing his father about the radio floats in.

She meets them at the back door. Dickey’s in first and that’s when Suzanne let’s herself squeal just a little.

Baby,” she cries, yanking him in for a hug. “Look at you.”

Dickey laughs as she sways him back and forth. “Look at you, you cut your hair!”

“Only a little,” she says, pulling back enough to give her head a shake. “What do you think? Do I look younger?”

“Not a day over twenty five,” Coach interrupts just behind Dickey’s shoulder. “Can we come in the house or are we gonna live in this doorway forever?”

Suzanne rolls her eyes at him but steps back, tugging Dickey with her by the shoulders. “Come on, let’s get out of the way so your father can bring in all your–”

Coach gives her a look as she takes in the carry-on bag in his hand. Suzanne stops, fingers still wrapped around Dickey’s upper arms.

“All your bags,” she finishes. “What’s going on?”

“I should let y'all talk,” Coach says, setting the bag aside and heading for the doorway. “I’ll be in the den.”

Which means, Suzanne realizes, that whatever it is, Coach already knows about it.

Since when am I the last to know, she thinks. She turns away from the retreating back of her husband and rubs one hand over Dickey’s shoulder. He looks pale and scared.

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Some pick up lines for y'all

1. Can I tie your shoes? I don’t want you falling for anybody else.
2. Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you’ve stolen my heart.
3. Is your name wifi? Because I’m feeling a connection.
4. We should get some coffee because I’m liking you a latte.
5. Excuse me, I think you dropped something… my jaw.
6. This may be cheesy, but I think you’re grate.
7. Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
8. Last night I was reading in the book of Numbers, and I realized I don’t have yours.
9. Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
10. Are you a library book? Because I can’t stop checking you out.
11. You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall… is in love with me.
12. Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.
13. Are you a keyboard? Because you’re just my type.
14. Would it be breaking the eighth commandment if I stole your heart?
15. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
16. I like your last name. Can I have it?
17. Are you google? Because you have everything I’m searching for.
18. God was just showing off when He made you.
19. Are you a piece of carbon? Because I would love to date you.
20. I’m not sure what quidditch position you play, but you look like a keeper to me.

We Could Be Gigantic

for @padfootdidntdoit , whomst i would be lost without 

word count: 4700

part i | AO3 | spotify playlist


November

When the kettle begins boiling in earnest, it drowns out the ticking of that awful clock that Sirius found in a train station, or at the bottom of the Thames, or in nineteen fifty-two. He installed it so far up the wall behind the fridge that Lily hasn’t a hope of reaching it unless she somehow manages to grow an extra three feet, and it drives her mad (especially considering he’s only eight inches taller than her). The point of this is that Lily spends as much time as possible per day boiling the kettle. Lately, her rate of tea consumption is just about levelling James’, which is – well, she sent him a crate of real tea last week so it must be just about time to post him another one.

The clock isn’t even on the right time, which is probably the worst part. Actually, no, the fact that Lily has started automatically adding an hour and six minutes on in her head is probably the worst part.

(She was at work last week when her co-worker Dorcas had asked the time and Lily had told her it was four fifty. Needless to say, their boss had not been pleased to discover Dorcas in the staff room packing up her things an hour before the end of her shift.)

Lily looks at the clock, and it reads two forty-five, which means that in nine minutes’ time, James will be seated in front of his laptop, ready to receive an incoming video call from her. She plugs her own computer into its charger, and waits for it to turn on (too slowly), and then she logs in to Skype.

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surprising your boyfriend like

Bitty doesn’t like lying to his boyfriend. It’s not his style. If anything, he’s honest to a fault. It’s not his speed to perpetrate deceptions, much less relish him.

Oh, but this… this is really kind of fun.

When he first tells Jack he’ll be heading home for Christmas, Jack is visibly disappointed. His face falls, and he heaves a sigh before mustering up his stoic face and telling Bitty “I hope you have fun.”

Bitty feigns concern. “Oh, now, what will you do? I know you’re playing on Christmas Eve day, so I suppose you can’t go home to your parents’.”

Jack shakes his head. “I’ll make do. I’m sure someone on the team will have me over.” But the sad glisten in his eyes is almost enough to make Bitty break down and confess right there.

Almost.

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Daddy A-Z: Taeyong

Originally posted by nctaezen

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find the original poster this came from, but I got this from philanddanxreader, I didn’t come up with this.

Donate | Masterlist

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?
The second the test is positive, you have to tell Taeyong, because knowing him, the first signs of pregnancy aka morning sickness, he’s ready to rush you to the ER so you might as well just spill the beans. Telling him is simple, just telling him works fine and then you can deal with the hyper Taeyong that comes after the announcement and then crying Taeyong when it hits him he’s gonna be a daddy. Telling the world, on the other hand, probably won’t happen for a while. Taeyong’s pretty private with his life, so it’ll probably be kept a secret until there’s no way to hide it. To be honest with you, it’ll probably be one of the boys that fuck up and let it slip that mommy taeyong is going to evolve into daddy Taeyong.

B = Books.- Did he read the books?
We know Taeyong’s a reader, and especially in moments when he needs guidance (i.e. the book about self love that he carried around when he was getting hate) so Taeyong will 100% buy out the child development and parenthood section at the book store and uses them as step by step for being a good dad.

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more? 
Taeyong, for sure. Seeing as he says he can’t sleep without holding something, I can see Taeyong being the dad that falls asleep in the rocking chair with his offspring and just snoring away with the happy baby in his arms. Honestly, you’ll probably have to pry the baby from his hands, he’s pretty much a conjoined twin with his baby.

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in. 
He’s already the mom of the group, so transitioning into being dad isn’t hard. But the realization that ‘holy shit this isn’t jisung….this is mine. i made this. f u c k’ wont truly set in until the baby’s born and he’s holding it and seeing the tiny human he helped make in his very hands. It’ll hit him like a bus and he’s crying and babbling about how he’s going to protect it from the world and love it with his entire heart.

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?
While he’s insanely attached to the baby, he’s very adamant about helping you in any way. Need more diapers? ‘I’ll get it stay here you shouldn’t be moving.’ ‘taeyong it’s been 3 months i’m fine.’ ‘s h h h h h ‘

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?
Reading all those books, Taeyong’s made it a mission to save feeding time for mommy-baby bonding time, so he let’s you have the reigns with feeding your child. But only with the agreement he gets to make the airplane noises for the spoon.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby? 
Taeyong’s insanely youthful and practically a kid a heart himself, so no one can relate to a baby more than Taeyong. He’s a master at dumb faces to make the baby all smiles and giggles in 4.81 seconds. He’s like the sun baby from tellatubies to his kid. 

H = How?- how many kids does he want?
Basing how close he is with his noona, I can imagine Taeyong wanting the same relationship for his kids, so I can definitely see him having two at the very least, but likely having 3+ if he can convince you on it. Especially being the leader and nct dream, he’s confident that he can handle more than one kid easily.

J = Jokes.- best dad joke? 
“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Nice food, no atmosphere.”

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby. 
Taeyong is such a tummy raspberry dad, and y’all know it. It’s adorable, it’s sweet, and he gets to hear his lil mini giggling up a storm.

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.
The entire world stops for him when the nurse placed his baby in his arms. Seeing the little squirmy thing that’s half him and half his love is just a punch in the face with how much he loves you and loves you even more for giving him this tiny human he’ll cherish for the rest of his days. He’s just emotional as hell, crying his eyes out, and full of love. 

M = Mommy.- what does he call you? 
He just plain calls you mommy. Literally the second you gave birth, your name doesn’t exist in his mind, his name doesn’t exist. It’s just ‘mommy and daddy’.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad ones? 
Honestly I feel like Taeyong would pass out at the sight, but he’s very clean and lowkey a germaphobe and knowing that’s what is touching his baby is enough to make him arm himself with a pack of wipes and a face mask, and go to battle.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits? 
Taeyong is a stylish bish so he’s very picky over kid clothes, so it’ll be you that dresses the baby is dorky kiddy clothes and Taeyong’s just standing there like ‘ok i hate it……but it is cute and im mad about it’

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby. 
Taeyong almost always calls his mini his ‘little sunshine’, because let’s be real, if it’s part taeyong you know that kid is going to light up a room. i know it. you know it. taeyong knows it.

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse? 
He 100% brought a list of stuff to ask, and it’s a mile long. Even after reading the books and he know basically anything there is to know about caring and raising a kid, he needs to hear it from someone as qualified as a nurse because ‘any idiot can write a book how do i know if its wrong?! i have to ask!!’

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?
Honestly it’s just support. Having a kid is horrible, and you think it’s going to be easy with two people, but no one tells you how long it takes to recover from giving birth, and it’s hard to pull your weight in the relationship. Taeyong needs assurance he’s doing everything right, and you need help with basically everything. You two balance out the stress, you get to heal, taeyong gets emotional support. 

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night? 
To keep it fair, you do have the ‘it’s your turn’ system for night issues, so it bounces back and forth between you and Taeyong. But a lot of the times, if you don’t wake up on the first nudge, he just thinks you need the rest and handles business himself.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent. 
Taeyong’s biggest fear is he’s going to mess the kid up for life. He’s not completely sure of himself, how’s he supposed to raise and mentor another human that looks up to him for guidance? He’s just terrified that he’s going to mess up, and the kid’s going to be damaged in some bizarre way, but let’s be real, he’ll be a fantastic dad.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.
Instant tears. He’s immediately sobbing and eyes just glued to the blurry image of his tiny baby growing and healthy as can be. He’s gotten a billion copies of the ultrasound pictures and sends them to literally everyone. His parents, sister, every member, all the sm workers, Taeyong just wants to show the world his most proud accomplishment. 

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.
Being Taeyong, I’m pretty sure the thing he’ll instill in his kid most is self love and never doubting yourself. He, even as successful as he is and continues to grow, is still very self conscious and not sure of himself, and he doesn’t want that for his kids. They’re capable of anything and everything and no matter what, he’ll always love his kids and he wants them to be sure of that and themselves.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths? 
It’s a joint effort, because honestly you’re washing the babe, and Taeyong’s just taking pictures and videos to show the members and keep forever. He’s the embarrassing parent that takes the bath videos. 

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays? 
Holidays are always split into different sections, the week during holidays is a mess because you have to bounce from your family, to Taeyong’s family, to with the members, and parties and everything. But the holiday itself, actual Christmas morning is just between you, Taeyong and the kids. Taeyong wants to at least have a moment as a family alone.

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in? 
Taeyong it’s pretty calm and doesn’t get agitated in the sense of it leading to actual fighting, so I imagine if any fights break out, it’s more you just yelling at him while he listens quietly and prob crying he’s not a fighter, he’s a lover.

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?
Taeyong is sort of a neat freak, so if he can keep a dorm room with 9+ grown boys clean, he can definitely keep a house with just you, him and kids clean easily. Lucky you.

Connected [Draco Malfoy x Reader, Modern AU]

A/N: this is the fluffiest shit i have ever written enJOY

Word Count: 5,008 (literally the longest imagine I’ve ever written)

Warnings: Cursing, unnamed time skips, MAJOR FLUFF, MODERN AU

Summary: Draco had ended it with (Name) years ago after being in a relationship for years. What happens when they reconnect in a hotel bar and live the scenarios they thought would never happen again after their separation?


Masterlist



Originally posted by fallingforamalfoy


Draco Malfoy.

What a bittersweet name.

Even after all of these years, his name still came up in her mind from time to time.

Everyone has that one ex who is always kind of just… There. They don’t leave your thoughts, but at the same time, there are no feelings that remain.

The two had the perfect relationship. (Name), being young and vulnerable, thought it was true love. And honestly…? Even now at the age of twenty-one, she didn’t doubt that it was anything but love she felt back then. The wonderful age of fifteen—my was it a time. Draco was the perfect boyfriend in her eyes—handsome, caring, protective but not overly… What had gone wrong..? He had showered her with love and she did the same to him, so she couldn’t really recall where everything went downhill.

Sure, he had girls falling for him left and right, but he would always shrug them off. He let (Name) have her space and she let him have his, but only when needed.

She remembered her parents were devastated when she announced their separation. They absolutely adored Draco. They always told her to marry someone like him—well off, strong, and kind. Draco had loved (Name’s) parents almost as much as she did.

Often she wondered how he was doing now. Was he engaged? Married? Single? Who knew. He went off to Harvard in Massachusetts (His father was quite proud of that) while (Name) went to Cornell University to pursue her dreams of becoming a research botanist. Right now she sat on a leather stool in New York City. Her college friends had decided to go four hours from Ithaca to enjoy everything the city had to offer while Spring Break was still going on. Even though (Name) opposed their offer to drink until they couldn’t see the floor and instead suggested ordering pizza in the hotel room, she was dragged to the hotel’s bar. Stupid college students and their drinking.

A black cocktail dress that clung to her figure and stopped mid-thigh made her look like she cared more than she actually did. Her makeup consisted of black winged eyeliner and deep red lipstick, along with light mascara and eyeshadow. The highlight her friend suggested made her cheekbones look perky and bright.

Her friends were with their boyfriends or boys they were in ‘flirtationships’ with (whatever that was), leaving her to herself.

She sipped on a glass of wine while scrolling absentmindedly through her phone contacts.

Her thumb stopped on a familiar contact name. 'Draco’.

Countless times she thought about calling or texting him, but she never did. All she wanted to do was catch up and talk about what happened.



….What exactly did happen?“

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George Weasley Dating American!Exchange Student Headcanons

Request by: anon

  • first off: you always make fun of his accent
    • “Oi! Lee!” “OI OI OI OI OI”
    • he would make fun of yours
    • but his American accent is horRIBle
  • you always talk about America
    • “So pretty much everyone eats pizza every day?” “I never said that!” “Sounded like it.”
  • George picked up American stereotypes quickly and used them every way possible.
  • For Christmas break, you insIST on taking him to America
    • he doesn’t want to at first
    • you convince him though
    • he gets to see Ilvermorny
    • but he insists Hogwarts is better
    • “Wow. Not even close to how many towers Hogwart’s has got. What a disgrace.”
  • he always gets mixed up on American slang
    • “That was sweet of him, you should do what the Americans say and give him the cold shoulder.” “George do you know what that means?” “No”
  • he always calls Americans “plain”
    • “You guys have no style in the way you speak.” “That’s not true!”
    • he makes fun of Americans a lot
    • (all the time)
Powder Keg, Chapter 1

Hey, Fandom! We’re back with the Holiday Edition of Everlark Your Own Adventure! Anyone fancy some love in front of a roaring fire in the middle of a blizzard? What about a good, old fashioned argument-turned kissing frenzy in the snow-covered woods? It can happen, but not without your help! This story will take us right up through New Year’s, so start reblogging and adding your thoughts in the tags today, and check back every Monday through to continue voting whether these two can put their past behind them, or if it’s just not in their favor this round. 

Enjoy the first chapter of Powder Keg, written by @peetabreadgirl.


“I’m scared, Katniss! I can’t do it!” Sally cries, clutching onto my ski pants. If she keeps it up, the tears running down her cheeks and the clear goo starting to leak from her nose will freeze before break time.

“It’s okay.” I use my best big sister voice to try and soothe away her fear of skiing on a slope that’s only a little flatter than my chest. “You’re going to do just fine. See that flag there?” I point to the pole that’s halfway down the bunny slope on the edge.

“Uh-huh,” she half-sobs, nodding her head, her fingers flexing in and out, probably trying to get a better hold on me.  

“All you have to do is make it there. I’ll be right behind you. Nothing to worry about, yeah?”

She sticks her nose back in my pants and shakes her head vigorously. I check my watch. I’ve been at this for 46 whole minutes. Only 14 left to go. Seemingly, a lifetime of seconds trying to convince a five-year-old that she has nothing to be afraid of, feels like hell. At this rate, I’ll have celebrated seven birthdays before we reach the bottom of the training slope.

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Journals

Description: Simon and Baz keep journals. 

Words: 1246

For @bloodredblossoms611 who prompted me to write this. (Thank you, it was so much fun to write).

Pining, and some angst. But a very happy ending. I hope everyone likes it! 

September 1st, 2008

T. Basilton Grimm Pitch

I’m only keeping this journal so I can tell my step mum I’m doing it, she thinks that it’ll help me work through my issues. Ha, issues, is that what we’re calling it now?

My roommate is an insufferable drag, the bloody chosen one. He doesn’t look like a chosen one, he doesn’t look like anyone would choose him. My father insists that it’s a good thing, that I have to keep an eye on the Mage’s heir, I don’t know how I’m going to survive.

September 1st, 2008

Simon

The mage thinks I should keep a journal, he thinks it’ll help me with my words. I don’t think I can be helped with my words.

I think my roommate is evil, he’s a Grimm-Pitch, and the Mage tells me that both those families are evil, so how can he not be? He stares at me a lot, he’s probably trying to figure out the neatest way to kill me. He’s a bloody clean-freak.

September 1st, 2009

Simon

I’m back at Watford, I can hardly believe it. I’d started to think that I made it up, that I would never have someplace to call home. I cried a lot, Baz came in and made fun of me. He’s such an arse, always acting like he’s the most important person in the room. Maybe the mage will let me switch this year.

September 1st, 2009

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

I came into the room to find Snow crying, he’s such a pathetic excuse for a chosen one. He even invaded my summer, I couldn’t even bloody think of anything else. Simon Snow demands attention, he’s like an elephant stumbling around and destroying everything he touches.

September 1st, 2012

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

I can’t believe I still keep a diary, like a bloody preteen girl. I only do it because Daphne somehow knows when I stop.  

Snow is unbearable, it’s just the first day of term and he hasn’t left me alone. Just stared at me, all day. He is no friend to subtlety, doesn’t even try to hide it, what kind of hero is he?

September 1st, 2012

Simon

Baz is up to something, even more so than usual, I’m going to find out what it is. I figure if I never leave him alone he can never do whatever it is that he does. I’m going to figure out what he’s plotting, the old families probably finally decided it was time to get rid of me. I get it now, why I have to be his roommate, I have to keep an eye one him.

October 12th, 2012

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

Snow never leaves me alone, I can’t even get 15 minutes to shower without him thinking I’m setting up some elaborate trap. I wish I could bite him, turn him and finally make him feel like I do. Like a villain. My life is fucked up enough without Snow stalking me constantly.

October 20th, 2012

Simon

Baz goes into the catacombs constantly, I’m not sure what he’s doing down there but I doubt it’s something that’s good for me or the Mage or non-evil people in general. I found dead rats, but I don’t know what he’s doing with them. I spend all my time following him, Penny’s starting to get irritated.

December 18th, 2012

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

We’re home for Christmas break, and I still feel like I’m going to round a corner and find Snow staring at me. Bloody Snow, I can never be rid of him. He’s probably at the Wellbelove’s, snogging Agatha and pretending to be a happy family. The thought bothers me, it scratches at my stomach. I shouldn’t care, though, Snow is just my stupid roommate. Not my friend, or-

December 19th, 2012

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

It’s unbearably early, something I should not be saying on break when Snow’s not here to wake me up with his stumbling. But I had a dream, about Simon. He kissed me, and it was nice, and I didn’t want to bite him (well, not that way). God, this can’t be happening, Snow is unbearable. I hate Snow, more importantly, Snow hates me.

January 3rd, 2012.

T. Basilton Grimm-Place

As if my life wasn’t shit enough without adding ‘in love with his enemy’ to the mix. The term started today, and it’s much worse seeing him, having him be there. I don’t how to act normal, but I’m trying, Not like it matters, Snow will just assume that I’m plotting another way to make his life miserable.

January 3rd, 2012

Simon

Baz is acting strange, for once in his life he hasn’t taken every possible opportunity to make my life miserable. He’s just quiet, I caught him staring at me. Maybe he figures he can lull me into a false sense of security and then strike.

March 15th, 2012

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

I don’t know what I’m going to do. Snow won’t leave me alone for one second to try to sort out these feelings. Every time I see him (in class, or our room, or trailing me in the catacombs), I just want to kiss him or bite him. That’s when I’m at my worst, when he’s following me and we’re alone and it would just be so easy to end this, one way or another. I don’t think I’m going to survive.

October 28, 2015

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

I feel tired, the Numpties took everything out of me, everything usually reserved for dealing with Snow. I can’t deny that it’s nice, that despite all the pain it causes me it’s nice to see him. He was what I held onto when I felt myself slipping away. He looks at me like I’m about to explode. Even now he keeps glancing up at me over his homework like I’m going to pounce on him (which, maybe I am).

October 28, 2015

Simon

Baz is back, I don’t know how to react. He looks hurt, who could have hurt him? Maybe it was some kind of rite of passage, maybe he’s finally ready to take me out. I should tell him about his mom, or I should look through his stuff to find out where he’s been. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

October 29th, 2015

Simon

I did it, went through his stuff I mean. And I found something, a diary. I read something, and I’m just not sure how to react. I don’t know what’s happening, I just don’t know how to feel about this.

October 29th, 2015

T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch

Snow is acting weird, even more than usual. I think he’s avoiding me, not looking me in the eye. And then he even smiled at me, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. But I sure a hell am not letting him suck me into whatever weird drama is going on in his life. I won’t let him do that to me, not now.

October 30th, 2015

Baz

Simon kissed me, he kissed me until my lips were numb, he kissed me all night. I kissed him, I kissed Simon Snow. Simon Snow kissed me, I feel like I’m dreaming, and maybe I am. He kissed me and I can’t even find it in myself to be angry that he went through my stuff.

Wow Baz, you really like to write about me.

Shut up, Snow, and stop reading my journal.

Diary*

I swear to God Snow.