this is what happens when you buy cheap things

So Crowley in supermarkets

Do you think he has days that he just dedicated to going to shops and fucking with things or do you think he’ll go in to the shop simply because he happens to be passing by and oh, it’s been a couple of weeks since he’s terrorised shoppers, he may as well pop in

But what if there’s one of those small co-ops or tescos on the corner of one of the streets in soho and sometimes when he’s on his way to aziraphale’s he’ll just go in (buying a bottle of the most expensive wine these cheap chain stores sell so as to not draw too much suspicion)
(Aziraphale would then ask ‘why did you buy a bottle, dear, when you can just will one into existence? Plus I have a selection of far better wines in my back room here’
And Crowley would reply 'fancied doing it this way this time, feels proper’
And aziraphale would smirk, thinking that Crowley’s just getting to be a better person and a worse demon day by day and not quite realising that havoc was recked, even though he should perhaps expect it by now)

Okay but can you imagine Christmas time

All he’d have to do tbh is go into the biggest supermarket there is and just move half filled trolleys half a foot to the left so they get in everyone’s way and have half the tills closed so that the queues are really long and just basically stand there, in the middle of the shop, so people have to go round him

Maybe he spends a day as a shelf stacker and he stacks products in the wrong places on purpose so that people can’t find them

Or!!! He turns all the wine into water or something equally non-alcoholic so that shoppers pay a ridiculously high price for a surprise

Or maybe he makes all the chocolates in those gift chocolate boxes disappear so the receiver is both utterly confused and quite disappointed (not to mention a little annoyed maybe: 'you got me a box of chocolates with no chocolates in?’)

Maybe he turns all the tracks on all the copies of one of the most popular CDs into Queen songs, because if he has to suffer then everyone else should too

Perhaps he walks around really clumsily on purpose and knocks a shit load of stuff over and leaves it all on the floor so it gets in people’s way and the worker’s time setting it all up nicely is wasted and also so maybe the stuff that falls gets damaged

OOH! Those Christmas trees that most big shops have in their entrance!! He’d turn all the baubles to glass and then proceed to walk into the tree and watch as they smashed (making sure that no one gets TOOOOO injured by the broken glass)

Maybe he’d turn the music track that some stores play in the background into a Best of Queen track too

Maybe he’d just have bohemian rhapsody playing on a loop

Maybe he’d go to the fruit and veg part of the store and just help himself to apples because hey, he should be entitled to, right??
(Now I’m picturing him walking around tescos eating an apple while a couple of store employees try to get him to stop and pay for it, but he’s having none of that)

Just Crowley creating chaos in supermarkets, that’s all I want

Warped Tour Advice
  • I wanna make sure all my fellow Warped Tour attendees (no matter what day you're going) are well-prepared. So I've composed a list for you all : )
  • Pack your bag the night before: don't rush around the morning you're leaving if it can be avoided. Make sure you've got everything ready before the big day
  • Eat breakfast: i know skipping breakfast might be tempting (especially if you're up earlier than usual) but it'll probably be your last meal in an air-conditioned building for a few hours. Also, make sure it's something with substance
  • Buy water: while you're buying your three cans to donate/skip ahead in line, grab two bottles of water. One should be that giant-ass sized one; SAVE THE GIANT WATER BOTTLE. It has to be sealed and unopened if you wanna take it in with you. Have a smaller one for while you're waiting in line and can throw away before walking in.
  • Visit an ATM beforehand: yes there will be machines to withdraw cash from, but you'll have to pay a usage fee. Fees suck. Make sure you stop at an ATM (maybe even the day before) so that you have cash for all the goodies to buy
  • Make food: bring some sandwiches or what not for when you're starving and racing across the venue to see the next band on your list
  • Bring a backpack: it'll be useful to stuff all your crap in, plus you'll need a place for the free stuff you can get. Not to mention all the stuff you might buy
  • Ziploc bags: if it rains (which can always happen) make sure you have ziploc bags to keep things such as your wallet, phone, or camera nice and dry. Bring some extras for your friends too
  • Towels: you're gonna get gross and sweaty, so have some cheap towels in your bag to wipe away the nasty sweat
  • Watch: save your phone battery and wear a watch to check the time
  • Extra socks: if it rains, you might not be able to do anything about your shoes. But at least you'll have a pair of dry socks
  • Sunglasses: the sun will not be your friend this day
  • Hat: you never know when your head will need shade
  • Cash: maybe some merch tents will take credit card, but play it save and bring cash just in case
  • Sunscreen: doesn't matter if it's lotion or spray on - you'll need that shit to protect your skin. Make sure to reapply as needed
  • Poncho: like, the cheap one from the dollar store. You never know when you'll need it
  • Hand sanitizer: i got one hyphenated word for ya - Porta-Potties
  • Phone charger: there ARE charging stations and they MIGHT charge you. Bring your charger in case you end up needing it, but definitely try to save your battery
  • Sharpie: band members can't sign with thin air. Not to mention you'll be able to mark your setlist (which will be available for $2 when you walk into the venue)
  • Earplugs: you'll need those if you're gonna be side stage
  • Extra bobby pins/hair ties: ladies, and maybe some gents, and think that's self explanatory

anonymous asked:

Would a sword disguised as an umbrella be a useful/efficient weapon? If not, what would be the best way for a person to carry a sword in public (best disguised as what)?

I’m not convinced an umbrella would be a good place to hide a blade, given the mechanical complexities would mean there were so many more things that could go wrong. It’s one thing to have an umbrella, but what happens when the umbrella mechanisms start breaking?

That said, umbrella swords do actually exist, and you can buy cheap knockoffs for a couple hundred dollars, online. There’s also umbrellas with various sword hilts because… it’s the internet, so of course there are. Just like the sword canes that masquerade as revolvers, because when you’re trying to conceal a sword, your best choice is as a different weapon that people are more likely to be worried about. They’d never suspect you’d actually stab them with a gun, that’s ridiculous.

Anyway, I actually have a cheap sword cane around here somewhere. Now, even at their best, they wouldn’t be able to keep up against someone using a sword intended for heavy combat. But, if your character can carry a cane without coming under a lot of scrutiny, and isn’t trying to take it through a metal detector, it might just be their best option.

I’m also going to post this link. It’s to an ask we got a while ago about fighting with umbrellas.


anonymous asked:

Hey buddy, I have annoying art questions if you wouldn't mind answering! I know you've probably answered them before but I couldn't find them in my search through your blog. 1. What paper do you use when you use ink? 2. What ink and brushes do you use? 3. Do you have any advice for artists who are just starting out besides practice? Any books you'd recommend or anything? Keep doing what you're doing.

Hello! Sure thing I can do my best to answer these q’s.

1. Paper! I like really textured paper. I’ll also use try any kind of paper I can get my hands on. I prefer cold press to warm press paper, which is how the paper is made. 

Cold press = toothy and textured. If you touch it, you can feel the ridges and bumps

Warm press = silky smooth like a baby’s bottom. Drawing on this is like butter and you can slip and slide all around.

The specific paper I grab for at the moment is any cold press watercolor paper from strathmore, arches, any of the major paper guys. If it’s thick (think 80lb-100lb), I know I can put a lot of ink on the paper without it warping too much. I’ve also inked on French’s paper, but I mostly use that for screenprinting.

2. Ink! I use speedball mostly, but I also use sumi ink and I’ve used higgins from time to time in the past. Speedball and sumi ink seems to work for me right now, so I’ve kept it around.

3. Practice is a big deal. Draw everything. Draw anything. Honestly, learn to keep yourself moving, because the muscle memory will be there whatever the hell you’re doing or drawing. You don’t even have to be drawing a specific things, just make lines on a page and see where it takes you.

Experiment! Try new things. Go to an art store, or any store, and buy something cheap or nice or whatever JUST TO TRY OUT AS A TOOL (or paper texture or paint, etc…). see what happens. This is where the breakthroughs in technique occur! The only way to figure out what you like is to go through a bunch of options and narrow it down for yourself. 

Make lists of things you like or want to draw or work on, and save it for a day when you don’t know what to do (I drew a lot of little robots several years ago…tiny robots were definitely on my list). The things on your list might change! That’s cool. This can be project ideas, nouns, dream jobs that you’d like to work on.

Get rid of the idea that everything you do is sacred or has to be amazing. It’s not, and that’s okay! I know I make some grade A shit sometimes. The thing is….you can always do it again. And you can always make it better. And whether it seems like it or not, you’re learning because you can recognize that something isn’t working, and though you might not know how to fix it yet, seeing the fact that there IS something wrong is SOMETHING.

I don’t know what the name of this book is, but there’s this really amazing book basically about how drawing is about learning to see. Which is EXACTLY what drawing is. It’s about really seeing what’s in front of you, learning it, putting it through your filter and having it come back out as you drawing. More about the mental aspect of doing vs. the technicality of it. Of course knowing those building blocks are important, but to push yourself as an artist it’s about adding to that.

Holy hell, this is really long, so I apologize but I hope this helped!

RvB: First Kiss

The first time she’s kissed, it’s by a girl, and she’s drunk. The girl, not her, but you know what I mean. Or maybe you don’t, and I’m confusing you, but this whole story is secondhand anyway, but that’s not the point, because I’m just telling it the way she told it to me, which is as good as it gets. Carolina, the Carolina, is sober. The girl is drunk. (Probably more than us right now, but it’s getting hard to judge.)

The first time she’s kissed, it’s at a party at the academy and there’s a large bottle of vodka that made its way into the dorms. She walked in to yell about the noise and instead a cadet a year older than her turned around and kissed her before she even got the first word out. Carolina told me that she giggled after, the girl. Just, giggled in her alcohol breath and whispered that she really liked the red hair, and the next morning and every morning after she blushed so deeply that it looked like she was being deprived of oxygen every time Carolina was in the room until finally Carolina told her they should do it again sometime, sans-vodka, when the girl turned so red she forgot how to talk for a few seconds.

So as you can see, I had some big, adorable-sounding shoes to fill.

Now, I know what you’re saying. “Person I don’t know, why the fuck are you still talking to me?” Well, friend, it’s because I’m buying your next beer to pay for the appreciated companionship. Mostly it’s because you don’t know anyone in this story, and I like that.

It’s because you’ve never been in the military, and I like that too.

Keep reading