this is what happens when inspiration comes to me

The Start of Something New

Pairing - Jonathan Groff x Reader (friendship)

Prompt - “Could you do something really fluff with Reader x Jonathan Groff?”

Word Count - 3653

Summary - The reader has lost her job at a school and needs a friend when she gets home from her last day at that school. Fortunately, Jonathan isn’t busy.

A/N - I really struggled with how I was going to write this one since it was so open-ended and I’d never written Jonathan before. But then, I lost my job last Wednesday, and the inspiration hit. This was what I wished happened. Everything save for Jonathan coming over to the reader’s house is what happened to me. (And yes, my desk really was permanently locked in the middle.)

Tags - @serkewen12, @butlinislin, @futureauthor45, @small-stars, @hamilton-gaygod, @getupoffathathang, @daveedish, @mysterywriter36, @itsgarbagecannotgarbagecannot, @sunriseovertheroomwhereithappens, @felix–feliciss, @the-phantom-author, @rainstorms-by-june, @darling-danger, @iluvnialljameshoran (shoot me a message if I forgot to tag you or you wanna be tagged!)

“Bye, (YN)! Have a good summer!”

“Bye…you too.”

You said goodbye to two of your favorite co-workers and made the short walk to your car, thankful that you didn’t pass anyone else on the way to the parking lot. You were already emotional from just saying goodbye to the two women you’d shared a room with over the past school year, and you’d actually teared up when you’d left that little room for the last time. Yes, the paint on the walls was cracking and your desk hadn’t opened in the middle despite three people trying to fix it, but that wasn’t what mattered. It was the experiences you’d had in that room that mattered, from your rough first half year to the completely different experience you’d had this past year.

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okay just to be cheesy for a sec, but I feel like Harry’s just got such an old soul, but combined with a perfect finger on the future, like he just gets what works and what doesn’t, and what’s up and coming, and how far he can push the envelope while still bringing people in to him. I know that whatever he does is going to be amazing, but 70s-inspired British rock just feels so in his wheel-house. I feel like he’ll just take this vibe, and when people listen to it, it’ll feel familiar and nostalgic, but also feel like something no one’s ever heard or done before, and I just can’t wait to see it all happen when he’s ready :’) 

Beat 1 Interview with Matty

Zane: Do we really need to do introductions, we’ve surpassed that. For those people listening all around the world right now, we capture Matt Healy from the brilliant band The 1975 at a magical time, at a time of transition and of celebration because everything you’ve achieved thus far as a band. Getting towards the end of this touring cycle at some point this year, and feeling like you’ve achieved on album number two. Congratulations man. 

Matty: Thanks man. 

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anonymous asked:

May I pretty please have some prompts about a single child whose imaginary friend isn't so imaginary. (I'm thinking on the darker pls) thank you!!

1) “You don’t get to kill me,” their once-friend said. “You don’t get to stop believing in me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Not real. Not real. Not real.
“Now, you didn’t really think it was that easy, did you?”’ This time, the voice came from inside my head. “You’re not five years old anymore, closing your eyes doesn’t make the monsters go away.”


2) “You were my friend!”
“I am your friend.” It took the child’s hands. “And we’re going to be best friends and play together forever and ever. It will be so great!” The grip tightened. “You promised.
“I don’t want to be friends anymore, you’re mean.”
And its face changed and grew and grew and grew.


3) Don’t go near the kid at number 16 they said. Bad things happen to children who go near the kid at 16 - their shadow is too long. It will eat you up.


4) It seemed an age since she had last been back to the imaginary land they had created together. Forever land. The Fun House. The topsy turvy. Years since she had played there last. It looked different now. But she had to find the children who’d been stolen - it had only ever wanted her. But she wasn’t a child anymore.


5) It was amazing at first: everything he wished came true. His friend had all sorts of magic tricks. If he could believe hard enough, it could happen. His mum won the lottery, mean Bradley woke up with a toad tongue, he learnt to fly. Except, sometimes, he couldn’t quite remember where he went. What happened. Until one day nobody remembered who he was anymore, nobody saw him. And everything went dark.
“I don’t like this. I want to go home.”
“You can’t go home, silly. You’re not real anymore.”


6) “You’re not real.”
“Then you’re crazy,” their friend said. “Is that better? You know what they do to crazy people.


7) “Please,” their friend begged. “Don’t leave me here alone. The monster comes when you leave me.”

Catch Me (Intro)

Summary: In which a bet leads Bucky to have to catch you every day for a week, no matter what.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 969

A/N: This fic is inspired by this moment in Brooklyn Nine Nine (where Terry drops his coffee mug in order to catch Jake). 

There are going to be multiple parts to this fic and I hope you guys are as excited as me. A lot of fluff is going to ensue from here on out. 

Special thanks to @avengerstories for editing this for me. You are the very best. 

Originally posted by iron-man-captain-dorito

You are walking past the living room when you notice that someone is in there. Abandoning your quest for a sandwich, you enter the room and find Bucky with his metal arm under one of the couch cushions. You don’t even have to ask what he’s looking for. “Lost your earphones again, huh?”

“I didn’t lose them,” he mutters while dropping down to the floor to look under the sofa. “They’ve just been misplaced.”

You cross your arms over your chest and chuckle. “If you say so.”

Bucky abruptly stands up from his position on the floor and fixes you with a hard glare. Most people would probably cower under the scrutiny, but not you. You and Bucky have been butting heads for eight months; a rivalry that began the moment you joined forces with the Avengers. Those eight months have been filled with nonstop arguments, snide remarks, and an overabundance of scowls pointed in each other’s direction.

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1. omgg thank you so so much ;; it means a lot that you want to read it til the end even though it only just started. hope you’ll continue to like it <3

2. yep i think it will break hearts a little?? 💔 i want to say it’s going to be cute as hell but it would be a lie (please don’t let my art style fool you) … the kinda direction it’ll go:

3. thank you!! a while back i gave a longer explanation here

but to make it short, a nightmare brought the characters to me, even though that sounds weird but it’s really what happened  🌷 i dreamed of them and many other weird things (i drowned so often i tell u) while i was on more medication. my memories of these dreams are still so vivid, it would be a waste not to use them, and that’s what inspired me for many of the scenes that are yet to come

honestly my feelings towards HeR right now are like an ex that just broke up with me and left with no warning and when it happened i was really upset like what was wrong with me or with our relationship because i thought we had something real there and they just left me all of a sudden and i was super heartbroken and just waiting for the day they’d change their mind and come back and we could pretend like none of this ever happened and things would be back to normal

but like now the more that i think about them the more i realize they weren’t ever actually that good to me in the first place. like yeah a couple times a year we had some good times but when i’d describe them to my friends and family they’d always kind of raise one eyebrow and when they’d see their social media presence it was just kind of embarassing. and like in the time that they’ve just disappeared with no updates i’ve become a totally better person. like i’ve gone off to school and made new friends and had all these experiences and i know where i’m going in life and what i wanna do and i’m so passionate about things that they never cared about but that i have time to focus on now that they’re out of my life

and like maybe someday they will come back like i desperately wanted them to when they first left and maybe i’ll meet up with them to see how they’re doing and maybe get some closure on what happened but even if they don’t… i’d be OK

That’s Us: Chapter One

Chapter One: You Rarely Seek What You Find

Word count: 4,151

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four |Epilogue

Summary: Canon Divergence. Eighth year without the Veil. The battle between the Old Families arrives before the Humdrum has been defeated. Months after the battle has been fought, Simon comes back to Watford and faces Baz after all that has happened. They’ve always been doomed to lose everything, but maybe some things can be won.

Inspired by this Dutch song. If anyone is ever interested in a rough translation of the lyrics, please tell me and I will post it when the whole story is posted on AO3. 

Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10999365/chapters/24501621

Trigger warnings: It’s pretty damn angsty with scenes that are similar to the forest fire scene in the book (suicidal thoughts/attempts), but maybe a bit more elaborate and thus more triggering. I’m not triggered very easily, so I don’t really know if this might be too heavy, so please be careful and stop if it gets too much.


Now

Baz

I don’t smell him. A few months ago, I would’ve known he was there even before I’d reached the bottom of the stairs up to our room. The prickly scent of fire would have made my stomach twist with nausea and my heart flip with excitement.

This time there’s none of that. No fire. No static in the air caused by the constant threat of Simon’s magic overflowing. There’s just nothing.

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anonymous asked:

List of the best NC-17 Dramione. It's okay if the same author appears multiple times on the list, cause I know there are a few authors who consistently write good Dramione smut. I just want a huge list of every smutty DHr you can think of with good editing (misspellings drive me nuts!).

Title: 23 Positions In a One Night Stand
Author: snapes_goddess
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s): Romance, Humor
Chapters: 2
Word Count: 5,031
Summary: Draco and Hermione make a friendly wager. Inspired by the song Get Off By Prince.

Title: 69 Down
Author: unseenlibrarian
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s): PWP
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 2,300
Summary: Auror Malfoy is on a stakeout with Auror Granger, and they are bored to tears. What to do, what to do?

Title: A Dream Come True
Author: elizaye
Rating: MA/NC-17
Genre(s): Fluff, Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 6,317
Summary: She just can’t stop fantasizing about him. What happens when he finds out? “I’m going to have you tonight, whether you like it or not. You might as well go along with it. It’ll be more enjoyable for both of us.”

Title: Ardent Bonds
Author: Musyc
Rating: MA
Genre(s): Plot? What Plot?, Romance
Chapters: 2
Word Count: 16,750
Summary: Maybe it was wrong to think about this, maybe it was horrible to even consider, but if Draco Malfoy liked to dominate, she couldn’t stop herself from picturing it. Picturing him.

Title: Blue Satin, Black Lace
Author: Musyc
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s): Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 2,200
Summary: Hermione has an unexpected surprise for Draco at work.

Title: Bound
Author: LeftInnocenceBehind
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s): Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,093
Summary: Draco takes Hermione at her literal word.

Title: Drinking Game
Author: margaritama
Rating: MA
Genre(s): Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,225
Summary: Draco and Hermione play a lovely game.

Title: Flickering Lights
Author: MiHnn
Rating: MA
Genre(s): Drama, Humor, Plot? What Plot?, Romance
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 3,083
Summary: Draco decides to shut Hermione Granger once and for all. It doesn’t go as planned.

Title: Hospital Wing
Author: patronuscharm2
Rating: MA/NC-17
Genre(s): Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 3,028
Summary: OneShot. What happens when Harry and Ron finally get there revenge on Malfoy, manage to vanish his…package, and only one soon to be mediwitch can save him?

Title: Logged On
Author: ashleyfanfic
Rating: MA
Genre(s): Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 2,118
Summary: An Instant Message conversation leads to some fun…

Title: My Favorite Things
Author: Musyc
Rating: MA
Genre(s): Drama, Plot? What Plot?
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 4,221
Summary: Draco and Hermione enjoy spicing up their marriage with fantasies, but Draco’s not sure about Hermione’s latest request.

More on @dramioneficindex, just use ctrl f to find “pwp” or “plot? what plot?”, and of course you can look at the ratings.

- Lisa

anonymous asked:

Hi! Love your blog! How would the turtles react if their S/O is a HUGE theatre person, and recently auditioned for a huge lead role... only to lose it to another actor who gets the lead every time, and they are absolutely crushed when the cast list comes out? (This recently happened to me, so that's what inspired this ask...)

Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that! :’(  I’m sure you did great!  And I apologize that this is so late!

Leo:

He gives you a big kiss and hugs you when you get home, telling you how amazingly skilled you are and that you definitely deserved that role.  He’ll whip up some food or a couple of warm drinks to try and cheer you up, and then cuddle with you on the couch.  He’s upset too; you deserved that role.  

Raph:

He’s bummed because you’re bummed.  He’ll ask you if you want to do anything or need anything to try and clear your head; he’s willing to do whatever.  He just wants you to be happy because it makes him happy.  And he’ll try to make up conversations to try and get your mind off it, or put in a movie and get blankets.  And maybe, if no one’s around, he’ll ask you to perform a snippet of your lines that you had to do.  He’d love to listen.

Donnie:

He gets angry actually; he pouts and sighs a lot when he thinks about what you said.  “I didn’t get the part.”  Bullshit!  It should be yours!  And he knows you did so well, so he asks if you can perform for him.  He’ll give you a big hug and plenty of comfort kisses.

Mikey:

“Who was it?  Do I need to pay someone a visit?  Give ‘em a beat down?”

“NO YOU WILL NOT”

He kinda takes it over the edge.  “YOU PRACTICED FOR SO LONG AND SO HARD AND YOU DIDN’T GET IT I BET THEY CHEATED THEY CHEATED DIDN’T THEY THOSE BASTARDS”

Now your mind is too busy trying to calm Mikey down.

PHOBOPHOBIA

THE FEAR OF FEAR

PREVIOUSLY

MNEMOPHOBIA: THE FEAR OF MEMORIES

NEXT

CONQUERED: AN EPILOGUE


Originally posted by love-buckybarnes


Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: ~1450

Summary: Bucky’s POV; It’s been nearly thirty years since you were separated from the man you called Зима, Zima, Winter. He was made to forget you, and he never knew why. What had the two of you done wrong? Now that he’s found you again… well…

Warnings: Angst and… fluff?

A/N: So it’s just the epilogue left. I’m actually kind of sad to see this series come to a close. The response to it really brought a lot confidence back to me in terms of my writing, and I can’t wait to see what happens when inspiration hits again. Thank you all for your love and support throughout this literary journey. It means the world.


The lights struggle to flicker on as we walk into the room. Metal, broken and bent, shattered glass and cracked stone litter the floor; we’re surrounded by the remnants of a battle once fought between friends.

Steve and I share a glance. Natasha stands just a step ahead of us, her eyes on (Y/N)’s back as she walks further into the room. We all watch her in silence, either too afraid to speak or simply unsure of what to say.

(Y/N)’s footsteps come to a halt as she turns to look at something to her right. I can only see the side of her face, but I can see the pain and anger that contorts her features.

“How does one piece of machinery ruin so many lives?”

I approach her slowly, putting my hand to the small of her back as I follow her gaze with my own. Somehow, through all the chaos and destruction, that chair is still standing.

“You can’t blame the machine.” I mutter, “It was people who built it.”

She hums in response, “I have that serum in my blood.”

“We’ve never tested it, but does that mean I’m as strong as you?”

“Maybe not as strong but at the very least, stronger than your average human. Why?”

She doesn’t respond. Instead, she steps off the small platform and moves to stand at the side of the chair. She takes one side of the head piece in her hand, bending the metal down until it snaps off; frayed wires spill from the end of it. She smiles down at it for a moment before throwing across the room. The sound of it hitting a wall and then the floor widens her smile.

“Why did that feel so good?”

There’s amusement in Natasha’s voice when she speaks, “You got to destroy a piece of the very thing that tore the two of you apart.”

When (Y/N) goes for the other side, I stop her. I take the other half on the head piece in my metal hand and easily tear it free from the rest of the chair. Instead of throwing it like she did, I crush it in my palm, the remnants of it falling to the floor. She smiles over at me before turning to step back up onto the main floor and continuing her exploration.

She makes her way around the rubble, toward a door off to the left. I recognize that door. It leads to a hallway with several more doors lining it. One of them is the training room where I trained her, the room where she first told me she loved me.

She stands in the open doorway, staring down at the threshold.

“(Y/N)?”

“Everything went wrong right here.” She whispers. “I told you I loved you right here, and it ruined everything.”

“What are you talking about?”

She turns to face me, her expression solemn, “I never told you what happened after they pulled me away from you that day.”

“We don’t have to talk about this right now.”

“It’s important.”

I nod my head, taking her hands in an attempt to give her some kind of comfort. “Go ahead.”

“Karpov took me to another room. He told me that love was not an option; I was not allowed to show you love. He said that your ability to return my feelings meant that you were a failed experiment. Then he said I needed to be taught a lesson, punished for compromising his weapon.”

“What did he do to you?”

She chews her bottom lip, shifting on her feet as she looks into my eyes, “Electroshock.” She casts her gaze down again, “Maybe if I had done what he asked and kept my feelings to myself after that, we might have been okay, but I only pushed harder.”

I hook my finger beneath her chin, raising her gaze back to mine, “There is nothing in this world that will make me regret anything that happened between us. Yes, we were pulled apart. Yes, I was made to forget you. You have to remember, Kitten, without all of that, we wouldn’t be here right now, together and free.”

She smiles, reaching her arms up and wrapping them around my neck. I hold her tight to me, burying my face in her neck and gently breathing her in. We stand there like that, surrounded by the dark memories of a place that was meant to break us.

“I think I’m ready to leave this place.” She mumbles, loosening her embrace.

“Then let’s get out of here.”

She begins to completely release me but pauses, stepping up on her toes to kiss me. The touch of her lips against mine only lasts for a brief moment, but it’s not a feeling I’m liable to forget.

She takes my hand, guiding me back to where Natasha and Steve wait for us.

“Ready?” Natasha asks, her back straightening upon our approach; she smiles, “We’ve got one more stop to make.”

This is where they kept her. This is where they hid her from me while she slept. This is where, a little over six months ago, I found her again.

“Is she alive?” Steve shouts, his shield flying through the air and back to his hand.

“I think so!” I reply, frantically searching for a way to open the chamber she’s trapped in. “I don’t know how to open this thing.”

“Move!” Natasha commands, “Go help Rogers. I’ll get her out.”

I try to keep my focus on the battle at hand, but my mind keeps drifting back to her face. Two final shots into a HYDRA agent, and it’s over. They’re all either dead or captured. I run back to Natasha, back to (Y/N).

“It’s starting to heating process now. It should only take a few minutes.

The chamber slowly open, a warm, white fog billowing out from around her body.

Her body is stiff for only a moment longer. Then her head lolls to the side. Her eyes are still closed, her chest barely moving as her lungs try to take in air. I reach out to touch her, to free her from her binds, but Steve stops me.

“Buck, wait.”

“I’ll explain everything later. For now, just help me.”

“I’m not going to leave her up there. So you can either help me or get the hell out of my way.”

He sighs in defeat, nodding and moving to stand at her other side. I pull the restraint around her legs free first. He gets the one across her waist. Finally, I release the one at her shoulders and her body falls into his arms. I take her from him as gently as I can, her head resting against my shoulder.

“I thought she was dead.” I mutter, looking down at her sleeping face.

“We should get out of here.” Natasha says, her eyes still focused on the computer screen, “She needs a hospital.”

Back on the jet, I sit at her side, watching her and hoping her eyes will open soon. Eventually, Bruce sits at my side, a tablet in his hands.

“I don’t understand.” I whisper. “It never took me this long to wake up.”

“She’s been asleep since ’91. Her body is weak and currently doing its best to recover. Once we get her to a hospital, get some proper testing done, we’ll know more. For now, just be happy that she’s alive.”

A gentle touch. “Bucky?” The sweetest voice. “Are you okay?” The brightest eyes. The kindest smile.

“Yeah,” I nod, covering her hand where it still rests on my shoulder with my own, “just thinking.”

“About what?”

I look at the chamber that once held her body, now covered in dust and barely functioning, “The day we found you.” I look back at her, “I was so afraid you were never going to wake up.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of now. This place, Siberia, they don’t matter anymore.”

“How is it that you’re the brave one now?”

“Maybe I was never really afraid of facing all of this.” She half smiles, shrugging, “Maybe I was afraid of being afraid. I was afraid of what that fear would mean for me. I couldn’t let Dr. Kennedy be right. I needed to prove to him, to myself, to everyone, that I was above the fears he tried to keep me prisoner to.” She turns her hand under mine and laces her fingers with mine, “It’s over now.” She smiles, “We can go home.”


TAGS:  @melconnor2007 @curlyxtomato @skeletonwoman @chipilerendi @allyp1023@snuggleducky@shakircreations @theloveablesociopath @iobeyfandoms @a-book-pressed-rose @winchesterandpie @saladalpaca @fab-notfat

Happy birthday David Tennant!

Today is the ultimate Tennant Tuesday – because it’s Tuesday (DUH!) and David’s 46th birthday! Therefore, I’ve decided to write an updated version of one of the first posts I made on Tumblr: Why I love David Tennant. Yes - I know there are many, many, MANY reasons to love David Tennant! However, I just feel like putting it into my own words. This is a long post - please read the rest under the cut :-)


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2

Hi, everyone! This week’s interview is with @jacquelineshyde / PoetDameron, an author who’s been posting her That ‘70s Show fanfic and poetry since 2016. Her prose and poetry have a gracefulness to them, in both imagery and subtext. Shades of emotion blend into one another, giving us a deeply complex and satisfying exploration of the characters.

The interview has been split into two parts. This is part 1.


Those ‘70s Comics:  What first inspired you to write That ‘70s Show fanfic?

jacquelineshyde: The bad ending. After watching season 8, there were a lot of things I had to say about it and about how things went down between Hyde and Jackie. It made me sick how the writers let go of such [a] wonderful couple and great characters, so I first started having ideas of how to fix the season; then I started ignoring the hell out of it and [created] plots out of season 7’s mess.

After a while, the ideas started to [gel] and make me want to try writing [stories]. Inspiration came quickly; it stormed my brain, and the words came out one after the other until I had three one-shots and two chapters of what today is Heart Like Yours (HLY: FFnet / AO3). 

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2

@isharton I was over at your blog because that’s what I like to do when I’m at work to fill in the hours and saw that you were feeling down and just…

I want you to know that you inspired me to take up drawing again, if only in rough sketches with pen and paper, and that no matter what happens I’ll never take what you gave me for granted.

(Also I’ve been practicing drawing my fanwalker BECAUSE of what you came up with and I wanted to show how far I’ve come thanks to the push you gave me ;A;)

My recovery from bulimia, BED, and orthorexia, and how I restored my metabolism.

Guys I’m probably 99.9% recovered. I haven’t purged in ages; I don’t even remember the last time it happened. I don’t binge anymore. I rarely get the urge to binge and when I do it usually goes away after a snack or two. The amount of control I have over my actions is amazing. I’ve learned to love my body even on the harder days. I’ve come so far since the days of bingeing from morning to night several times a week and purging constantly. Before when I got the urge to binge it was one of two options: there’s no holding me back, eat everything terrible; or, try to curb the craving with something healthy or something small that’s unhealthy and then I’d still wind up bingeing uncontrollably on everything imaginable.

I exercise because I love it, not to compensate for eating. I made that change last spring. I stopped counting all the calories I burned in a workout and I learned how to take rest days. I exercised because I wanted to feel good, and it worked. It was no longer a punishment. And don’t get me wrong, it was really fucking hard. There were constantly numbers in my head. “If I ran Xkm for X amount of time I would burn X calories. And doing hiit training for X amount of time would burn roughly X calories.” Those were the things I had to convince myself to block out. And over time it got easier. I did get to the point where I could exercise and think about it the next day and realize “hey! I didn’t care about any numbers and I felt great.” The first time that happened I felt pure happiness. Now I run and measure time and kms because I like to compete with myself and see myself improve. And when I run different routes I use apps to tell me how far I went and guess what? My calories burned also comes up. And guess what else? I really don’t give a shit what it says. It’s amazing.

My next step after that was giving up calorie counting. It was terrifying and uncomfortable and difficult. But the feeling I got when I figured out how to exercise without disordered behaviour inspired me. I wanted to be able to eat normally too. And at this point I was so god damn sick of my disorder, I was willing to try anything. I was discouraged so easily but I had this tiny speck of confidence shining through from giving up counting the calories I burned, that allowed me to eventually give up counting the calories I ate. It took me a few weeks of trying before I could actually eat something without knowing the exact caloric content of it. I eventually started ball parking it. “Breakfast was roughly X cals, snacks were X cals…” I was still so afraid of going over a maximum number. At this point I was still bingeing all the time. It wasn’t my worst though; I found that exercising for pleasure vs punishment actually brought a certain calmness to me which helped make my binges less crazy. I was purging as well but not as much. I figured that I already had a foot in the door with recovery so I decided to take a leap and force myself, no matter how hard it was, that I was going to stop purging.

It was awful. I had felt so sick after bingeing. I had felt so disgusted with myself. I wanted to hide away and give up everything. I quit purging. I promised myself. And there was nothing I could do to compensate for this terribly upset stomach and this bloating that was so bad I looked 6 months pregnant. I was gaining weight. I HATED it. I wanted to purge so bad, but I kept my promise because I wanted to recover. “If this is part of recovery I don’t want to take steps backwards and have to endure it again.”

When you quit purging and continue to binge, it’s hell. It really is. But I know that I never would’ve been able to quit bingeing if I didn’t stop purging first.

After a month or so of no purging, I began to trust myself more. And I trusted more in the recovery process. It got easier to stop counting calories. It got easier to stop guessing at calories. And for me, that was the fun part. Going out for dinner and not sticking to my safe garden salad with dressing on the side. I ate veggie burgers (vegetarian here btw haha), with loads of French fries, pasta, garlic bread with cheese, cupcakes, brownies, waffles, chocolate chip pancakes (real ones, not just bananas and eggs), real syrup, onion rings, sushi, bagels, mayonnaise, pizza, donuts, thick slices of bread, quesadillas… I had a slice of cheesecake at midnight with my best friend just because. Of course this wasn’t just a one and done type situation. Most of the times I ate this type of food it would lead to a binge. And then it was super hard not to purge. And that’s half the reason I was so afraid to eat these foods in the first place (the other half being that the calories stressed me out and I would feel obligated to compensate through exercise or purging). These were my fear foods. Now they’re my fun foods. They’re my favourites that I couldn’t eat for years and it was the best feeling eating them again for the first time without counting the calories with each bite. Now I can eat them whenever without worrying a bit. It is a process, but you can’t give up. It’s ridiculously hard for a good chunk of time but living with your eating disorder for the rest of your life will be hell. Recovery is SO worth it.

Eventually my binges stopped. It was right around the time where I convinced myself that I’m sexy as hell, I’ve got a rockin bod, and I can (clearly), face and conquer any struggle that’s put in my way. A year ago I never would’ve imagined loving myself at my weight then, let alone adding another 5-10lbs on to that. (Side note: I also don’t weigh myself anymore. I quit that around the same time as I quit counting calories burned in exercise. It took a lot of disappointment out of my day!) I don’t know how much I weigh now and I still don’t intend to get on the scale. I think it would still trigger me and to me that’s just pointless. And besides, I love myself right now, why would I want to change that because of a meaningless number a machine threw at me!?

How do you learn to love yourself? For me it was only allowing myself to focus on the good. If I thought I looked good I would say “damn girl,” and walk away from the mirror before my mind had time to wander to my “imperfections.” If I found myself looking at a bit of extra chub, I would stop myself. If I couldn’t think of anything good to replace it with, I would simply walk away from the mirror and focus on something else like plans with friends or watching a movie. What I’m getting at here is that you CANNOT LET YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOURSELF SURFACE. These are thoughts that are healthy to ignore when you’re learning to love yourself. Fester in your cheeky, contagious smile, and how your curves are beautiful and sexy, and the brightness in your eyes when you’re happy and not hurting all the time. Love your body for what it is and what it can do, not what it isn’t and what you can’t do. You are you for a reason. Don’t apologize for it. Be unique. Be the change and liveliness and everything else you’ve been searching for.

I truly love myself. And that’s why I stopped bingeing.

Recently, I’ve lost a bit of weight. No surprise there since I stopped bingeing and I still love running and training. (Side note: I did not get on the scale, it was just an observation I could see in my stomach and legs, and notice in the way my clothes were fitting). I decided to ball park my calories for a few days. Not because I wanted to restrict, but because I was curious as to why I was losing weight, even when I wasn’t exercising that often. Was I under eating without realizing it? Nope. I easily eat 2000 calories a day. It was my metabolism being restored. My mind fully trusts itself with the decisions I make about food, and now my body does too. It was an unexpected surprise that put a smile on my face when I made that realization. Listening to hunger cues is so important. If you’re hungry at 11pm, eat. If you’re full and still have half a plate of food left, stop. If you get hungry an hour later, eat your leftovers, or a snack, despite the fact that you just had dinner. There are so many rules about eating. Ignore them all and listen to yourself. Your body will thank you for it, I promise.

And that’s pretty much my recovery. I didn’t get into details of my eating disorder because I felt it wasn’t necessary. The hell I went through isn’t important to anyone but me, because it made me a stronger person who is aware of the dangers of eating disorders, and who understands the difficulty and importance of recovery. Everyone else who had or has an eating disorder understands the hell that it is for themselves. There’s no need to compare my struggles with theirs. What is important though is that this is a real recovery story. And I understand completely that recovery isn’t black and white or one size fits all. If anything, I hope that my story helps inspire someone else to recover. I hope you understand that struggles and relapse in recovery are normal, but if you keep pushing through, you CAN do it. And when you realize that you recovered, it’s the most freeing feeling in the world.

Disclaimer: I saw a doctor and therapist through my recovery. I told very few people outside of that about my eating disorder and the few I told were quite helpful. The book brain over binge was pretty much useless to me. It was a quick fix a few years back that caused an overwhelming relapse. The book intuitive eating is spot on and a great tool to use in recovery. I recovered on my own terms. I never did inpatient and was never forced to eat anything or reach a certain amount of calories per day. Everyone’s situation is different and what works for me might not work for you and vice versa. My main message here is to never give up in recovery. Once you decide to recover, only you will know what is right for you. You can beat this.

Xoxoxoxo

This is my story anonymously, but almost everyone I’m tagging follows my personal blog. I don’t have many followers on here so please help share my story @aubernutter @fitnika @blondepancake @e-leri @oatsnjen @thefitally

kanouchi  asked:

I can't think of any to ask about specifically but do you have any other composer AU headcanons you can share? (:

ALL THE HEADCANONS

Ok. Some (most) of these are a little sad but this wouldn’t be me otherwise. Plus I’ve been thinking a lot about what happens after the AU, so a lot of this is inspired by that.

  • Erik is constantly amazed by Fabian, by how small and delicate and lovely he is and that he can ever have come from him. There are many night when he holds Fabian and just wonders over him.
  • After Erik’s death, Christine puts away the cufflinks she gave him on their honeymoon. Years later, on the eve of Fabian’s own wedding, she gives the cufflinks to him. He is deeply touched, and more than a little emotional, and wears them at his wedding.
  • Sorelli’s relationship with Philippe is complicated, and is often closer to friends-with-benefits than lovers. He proposes marriage to her several times but she rejects him, and in the end she gives him her blessing to marry another woman. They still remain close friends.
  • Shortly after Erik’s funeral, Christine runs off to Perros with Mamma and Fabian. She just needs to get out of Paris and get away from the memories of the life they had. But Perros is full of memories of him too and doesn’t help, and she returns to Paris feeling even worse than when she left, and aching to be close to him.
  • Fabian constantly reminds Christine of Erik as he grows up, and some days that cuts deeper than others. Even after she gets with Raoul - even after she’s been with Raoul for years and had two more children - there is that part of her that aches to have Erik back. Raoul understands this, and knows there’s nothing he can do to ease that lingering pain within her except be there for her.
  • After Fabian graduates from the Conservatoire he goes off on a tour of places he knows Erik to have spent time. Rouen, Russia, even Persia. He’s guided by the stories Farhad has told him, and on that tour he feels closer to his father than ever before.
  • For all of the music that he composes for Christine, Erik also composed stacks of music for Fabian. His little son is constant inspiration.
  • Erik has a cufflink collection of which he is very proud.
  • Years later, Fabian ends up finishing some of Erik’s incomplete work.

(Like honestly thank you for asking me about the AU. I have so many thoughts and FEELINGS)

intrusivethot  asked:

1 For ASoSaS Rexsoka, and 7 for Mer!AU ObiAniDala?

Okay the latter is so cute but I literally could not come up with an idea for it, so I hope you’ll forgive my lack of inspiration and take just the first one. I don’t know if this is going to be what happens in “canon”, but it’s a possible idea :D

Send me a number from the kiss meme!


“I thought you were dead.”

Rex paused in the doorway, his hand still holding the tent flap back. He looked slightly puzzled. “No, Your Grace.”

Ahsoka stood from her chair, his limbs feeling strangely light. Her stomach had swooped within her when he’d appeared in her doorway; it felt like it hadn’t righted itself since. “No one saw you when the battle was over.”

Rex stepped fully into the room and dropped the flap behind him, blocking the drafts of cool night air. “We got separated from the main force, down by the river. Some of my men were washed downstream by the current, so we went to look for them…” He trailed off. “Forgive me, Your Grace. I did not even think to send a messenger.”

The tent was silent for a moment. “Did you…find them?” Ahsoka asked, unsure what else to say.

Rex looked away. “Some of them, yes.”

After a few more silent, awkward moments, Ahsoka said, “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Groups of stragglers are still returning to camp, the battle was spread over a wide area, I shouldn’t have just assumed-”

“No, I should have thought to send someone to you, Your Grace,” Rex interrupted, then looked mortified that he had done so. When Ahsoka didn’t chastise him for it, he added, “I had thought someone coming up from the river would have informed you of our mission.”

“Perhaps I did not speak to the right people.” Ahsoka stepped closer, delayed relief flooding her system. She smiled, the realization starting to hit her; the worries, the dark thoughts, they had been for nothing. Her captain was safe, alive and well.

But he could have been dead, a small voice said.

It was a battle, and not his first. He could have died any of the hundreds of times he’s fought; he could die tomorrow choking on a chicken bone.

But. But. This was different.

Unspoken words catch like glass in the throat, her grandfather had always said.

“I am so happy you’re alive,” Ahsoka said quietly, then reached up and pulled him down gently by the top edge of his chest plate. He came willingly, though his expression was confused. Padmé will kill me, Ahsoka thought, but I don’t think I care.

It wasn’t a long kiss; just a brief press of lips. Unbearably chaste, from a Summer Islander point of view, though Ahsoka knew any Westerosi would have been mortified to witness it. For his part, Rex looked even more confused now, as if he couldn’t decide which emotion or expression would be most appropriate for this situation.

“Go and rest, Captain,” she said. “We’ll have a lot to do in the morning.”

indygnation  asked:

Yo Sevi, when you write fics, do you write parts you like the most first and then build from there, or write the entire fic through as intended from start to finish?

Morning Indy!

Hmm… not exactly the parts that I like best, more like the parts that I already have in mind. At the beginning to the fic, I have an idea what could happen, let’s say, the kids waving flowers in Toshinori’s hair.

When I start writing, I write exactly that down, no matter if it’s at the beginning, in the middle or at the end of the story.

Then I start thinking - what happened before that? How did it come to this scene? And what happens after?

I either start fleshing out what I have until an inspiration for the rest of the story hits me, or I just write new parts that come to mind down. At the end, I just connect the different parts so that I get a whole story out of it. Like piecing together a puzzle, you know? =D

That’s how it works for me. I don’t know if everyone does that, or if there are people who write from start to finish. Don’t know in which category you belong, either. I guess who will just have to try out what works better for you.

Hope I could help a bit! If you have more questions, ask away. =)

deleriumofyou  asked:

D, K, V, Z :D please and thank you!

  • D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

Yes! UGR’s is like 80 songs deep, while S&TLT is like 50, so I won’t post those haha. A few samples are (UGR) Truth by Alexander, Make You Better by the Decemberists, and Flume by Bon Iver. If anyone is curious about a specific moment or chapter, let me know. I usually have an “inspiration” song that I listened to while coming up with the plot or dialogue, and then an instrumental song that I listened to while writing.

  • K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Elizabeth choosing the Rite of Tranquility post-Trespasser in order to stop Solas from visiting her in the Fade. Don’t worry, that’s not happening, and my current Lizzie would NEVER do that, but when I was planning out possible arcs, I did consider it. 

  • V: A secondary (or underrated) character you want to see more of in fic?

I’m a sucker for secondary characters, as you may have noticed! But I would love to see more Calpernia for sure. Also Mhairi *sobs*

  • Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate?

I read it, I write it, and I stabbed Anders after romancing him my first playthrough (fictional High Five to Marianne Hawke!). To me, as long as they’re earned, major character deaths are important to show what the main characters are up against, and to give motivation or depth to another character. 

I can deal with almost all character death, but I’d probably get pretty upset about Varric. I wouldn’t know, because as far as I can tell, everyone agrees with me and Varric dying in fics is pretty rare, if it exists at all.

Thanks so much for asking :)