I got blacked out drunk alone last night. I wonder what that says about me. I keep telling myself I’m adulting cause I’m not doing it at parties anymore with strangers. It feels like a lie though. What happens when you take the party girl out of the party? What happens when she’s alone? What does it mean when i start sobering up and my immediate thought is to run back to the bottle? I’m not scared anymore. But a part of me doesn’t want to find out what truly happens when I sober up. It runs in the family you know. My moms wine soaked words turning our home into just a house. My intoxicated mistakes turned my own room into a crime scene. Does anyone true care what happens to the girl when no ones looking, behind closed doors in red light rooms? I’m not scared anymore. I don’t care if he finds me here. Or that’s what I keep telling myself. I can’t if it’s a lie or the truth anymore. I think the liquor lies keep me sane most days. I think the liquor lies keep me safe most days. You know I heard alcohol makes a great stain remover. Does it make me a stain in this world when I feel like my own existence rejects me unless I take in enough alcohol to try and remove it? Remove wine from her hand, the words from my head, and me from you. What happens when you take a party girl out of the party? I’m not scared anymore. I just don’t know if that’s a good thing.