this is what happens when i watch the high ground

Creepypasta #1040: The Anglerfish

Length: Long

I am beautiful in ways men shouldn’t be.

Pretty boy, lovely boy, with his flaxen curls framing a sweet face and big blue eyes with big black lashes. My mother, when she was in our run-down trailer and not at the bar, would say such looks were wasted on a boy and that she wished I was born a girl. I’m certain she wished I had never been born at all.

School was hellish from the start. Girls viewed me as a living doll to play dress-up with, and boys hated me because I made them confused. My third grade teacher once made a comment about my cherry red mouth, the gym coach complimented my porcelain skin. The computer teacher got fired after cornering me alone. I did not understand it – I wore run down charity store clothes, spent most of my time with my nose buried in a book, and barely brushed my hair. And yet, here was the whole school bearing down on me.

Puberty made it worse. All my classmates grew and stretched, flushed with hormones and lust. I grew some, yet no straggly hairs or bright red pimples popped on my china doll face. Instead, the star quarterback would torment me so he could grope at my long legs and graceful hips. My teachers would compliment my academic achievements and then mention that someone like me being so aloof was a shame. The theater teacher asked if I was “interested in boys” in hushed, hopeful whispers.

I was not gay or straight. I was Uninterested. Why would I waste time chasing after shallow and petty girls who were jealous of my appearance? Why would I let one of those testosterone-hopped jocks paw at my body and call me a faggot afterwards? Why would I want my fat, balding English teacher to bend me over for an easy A? They called me frigid, uptight, bitchy, rude, prudish. I wore it with pride all the way to the top of my class.

I left my little Midwest town for a college in the big city. I thought it would be easier there, full of beautiful people to blend into. Towards the end of November, my roommate tried to roofie my water bottle, and the double room became a single room very quickly. For sophomore year, I got a studio apartment on my own.

That fall quarter was beautiful, the trees like brilliant fire throughout campus, and I took a communications class required for my major. It was about giving presentations and speeches, and the school website said Professor O'Malley was to teach it – classmates had described him as a jolly old man, a little longwinded but excellent at teaching discourse and rhetoric.

I sat towards the front, my empty notebook neatly dated, and my classmates chattered all around me. I paid them no heed, eyes casted downwards, but I looked up when the door to the lecture hall opened right before class was to begin. The man who strode in was not Professor O'Malley.

He burnt white hot, reality dimming around his gravity. Everyone seemed so tarnished compared to him, dark-haired bronze-skinned Adonis among the gray and listless dead. Square-jawed and towering, his presence was so thick it was sweltering, smothering, suffocating. My classmates all gasped as his eyes swept across the class.

Keep reading

Hwarang :: Ban Ryu x reader :: Part 3

Part 3! Sorry for the wait! Starting from today I will work on a fic for our lovely King! (Don’t worry I will also update this fic since so many of you have enjoyed reading this series!) So please look forward to that as well! Thank you for reading and I sincerely hope that you enjoy this chapter! Sorry for any inaccuracies that doesn’t match up to the real plot of the story. :)

Ps. Please tell me if I’m the only person that cackles like no tomorrow when Ban Ryu is in the shower. Like his little messy bun got my rolling. It’s so funny and cute LOLOL.

Part 1 Part 2

My head hurts.

I roll over in my mattress groaning in pain, my head really hurts. Pressing my cold hands against my forehead I sigh at the little relief provided. What even happened yesterday night? Forcing my heavy eyes open just a crack the blinding light made them shut immediately. “God…” I hiss under my breath while turning over onto my side. I scrunch up my face at the unfamiliar material enveloping me, it felt so smooth almost as if I was wrapped up in silk. I rub at the material between my thumb and index finger…wait this is silk. I shot up from bed to look down at expensive material that draped around my body. “What happened yesterday?!?” I whine untying the robe quickly, “I wouldn’t do that, you are naked under.” I freeze in my actions holding the fabric closed around my chest, “You jerk what happened?” He sighs, “So early in the morning and you are already picking a fight that you can’t possibly win.” It’s too early to deal with his attitude I thought visibly rolling my eyes at him, “I suggest you change and give back my clothes before the others wake up,” he indifferently says before getting up himself. I raise my brows standing up as well, “Wait your clothes? T-This silk…” “Is mine, so hurry and change before you dirty it. God knows you can never repay me back for it if you get it stained.” I open and close my mouth in confusion and ultimately at a loss of words, how many drinks did I have yesterday? After quickly changing I bundle up the expensive silk robe and whipped it at Ban Ryu’s face, “Whoops, sorry my hand slipped.”

With a smug grin I turned to open the sliding door, but someone beat me to it from the other side. “WAKE UP YOU LAZY RATS!” A large man yelled directly at my face causing me to stumble backwards in shock while wiping away his spit that splattered all over my face. I quickly dodge out of the way and into the hallway as I watch from a distance as my roommates got aggressively man handled out of bed. I let out a snicker at Soo Ho’s high-pitched scream paired with excessive arm flailing when he thought that they were under attack. Once everyone was cramped in the hallway I bite my lip, daring to look up at Ban Ryu, before I could reflect on what happened yesterday night we were herded like cows into the practice grounds. Squinting at the bright sun it took awhile before my eyes could focus on a very angry Wi Hwa standing in front of us. The elder clears his throat before lecturing us with a booming voice, “Going out to Okta and returning late and tired the next day, fighting among each other when you are supposed to be working as a team! I have had enough of your behaviour! From today onwards no one leaves the grounds without permission. And if I catch any one of you failing to follow that rule you will be kicked out of Hwarang, understood? Dismissed!”


Today’s schedule was fully packed with back-to-back physical training and house chores. The morning wasn’t too bad as simple tasks like laundry and cleaning was done, however the dull throb in the back of my head made simple tasks like that hard to focus on. It was funny to watch the amount of difficulty that was expressed among the majority of the Hwarang from just doing simple housework. Never in my life have I heard so much whining coming from grown men.

After all the chores were done the real training began. Placed in front of me were nine cups of alcohol, very strong alcohol, I thought as I smelt its pungent aroma. The orders were to drink all nine cups and to practice sword fighting while under influence. The logic behind it was to “Prepare us for any situation” although it really seemed like an excuse to see us embarrass ourselves or get seriously injured. With shaking hands I reach for the first cup, here it goes, I thought knocking it back into my throat. I instantly gagged at the strong substance, it burned exponentially compared to the ones I drank yesterday. Wait, drank yesterday? The alcohol triggered my thoughts from the previous night that I couldn’t for the life of me remember what happened. While sipping on the fifth cup I recalled my coziness with Ban Ryu, oh my goodness…I cuddled with… “JERK FACE!!!” I splutter causing all the liquid to spray out of my mouth and onto the lucky person in front of me. With the cup still in hand I look up with widened eyes to only meet with the said man’s stoic face. Loud drunken laughter was erupted among the men who witnessed me accidently insulting Ban Ryu in front of all the Hwarang and elders and to top it off, spitting on him for good measure after it. It was a mess. A huge pulsing vein was prominent on his forehead, I swear I could hear its throbbing as I stared at him. He squeezes his eyes shut while the corner of his lips twitch in annoyance. “Please don’t kill me!” I scream throwing my ceramic cup at him out of fear. Before the cup could hit the floor and shatter he roughly grabs the front of my hanbok, pulling me towards him. “You will pay for this,” he lowly growls before letting go and turning back to finish his drinks, never failing to slam down each cup with increasing force. “I’m dead…” I chant chugging down the last few cups before collapsing onto the floor, “I’m dead.”

I started crying on the floor before sword fighting was even started. A seemingly sober Ji Dwi slips a sheathed sword into my hands and I hug the object close to my body before resuming to crying and rocking back and forth. I don’t know how long I stayed like that but fighting already started among the Hwarang. There was only one rule, no unsheathing your sword, other than that you can basically smash your opponent’s face in with the dull object. No matter how much I enjoyed sword fighting the alcohol didn’t allow me to move, with a swimming vision and heavy eyes I continued to snooze until some brave or very dumb person tries to attack me in my sleep. My nap didn’t last very long to my dismay, being awoken by someone kicking my feet. With closed eyes I roll onto my side and mumble a quick, “go away” but it wasn’t very effective. Wi Hwa pulls me up by the back of my hanbok and practically throws me into the war zone, aka the field filled with drunkards waving their swords in the air before tripping over their own two feet and wiping themselves out. I whine, extremely upset from being woken up for this mess. Using my sword as a walking stick I made my way across the chaotic field, hoping to find a further place to sleep away from Wi Hwa’s hawk like vision. Luckily majority of the Hwarang ignored me walking in the middle of their fights, even though I was extremely tipsy I could probably beat their heads in still. I found a shaded spot not too far and I continued to make my way towards it, only stopping when a dull object smacked into my chest with a hollow thud noise. “Whoa,” I stumble backwards, finally getting my footing steady I follow the sword back to its welder, the notorious grumpy man. “You have a price to pay,” he states with a straight face and I nod up at him, “Okay, I’ll beat you up as payment.” Despite Ban Ryu’s roll eye he lets out a soft chuckle and taps his sword under my chin teasingly, “I’ve seen you hold your alcohol I highly doubt you can.” I pout childishly, even though I’m tipsy I can still be stubborn as ever, I’m not going to be shoved around by him today. Gripping the sword in my left hand I lunge towards the tall jerk before faking a swing and catching the sword with my right hand. I grin catching him off guard before delivering a hard blow into his ribs with the blunt of my sheathed sword, “Tadahh!”

What I didn’t expect next was the hard throb I felt in my cheekbone as Ban Ryu accidently threw a fist into my face as he fell forwards from my attack. “Oof,” I yelp falling along with him. His heavy weight pins me beneath him as I struggle to push him off. I could feel the heightened emotions I got from the alcohol as I struggled to keep my tears in. I sniffle holding my throbbing cheek, “You were nicer yesterday.” He looks deeply into my eyes, I couldn’t tell what he was feeling at the moment. “You were drunk out of your mind yesterday. I had to watch over you like some baby because I promised to help you keep your secret.” I nod at his words and it made perfect sense, I didn’t realize I spoke what I thought in my head, “I thought you liked me…” Oh I said it out loud. I look up to see his reaction but it wasn’t what I expected, “Yesterday didn’t mean anything, nor will my help come without a price.” He says flatly before getting me up and retrieving his sword. I didn’t bother to get up as I lay there thinking about his confession, I really didn’t expect that or maybe that wasn’t something I wanted to hear. I nod at nothing in particular before closing my eyes trying my hardest to keep the stinging hot tears at bay. “Don’t cry you baby,” I quietly scold myself while clenching my eyes and jaw.

I don’t know how much time has passed but the sun was setting by the time everyone started to sober up from the hectic drunk sword fighting “training”. From the ground I didn’t realize that Ah Ro and her friend, Soo Yeon entered the Hwarang home. I guess practice got a little too rough with some of the other members that they needed medical attention. I really hope the elders would learn from this and don’t plan anymore of these ridiculous training practices ever again. A familiar warm hand was placed on top of my forehead causing my eyes to flutter open, “Hey Ah Ro.” She looks down at me with a pout, “Don’t ‘hey’ me! Can’t you try a little bit harder to not get hurt!” I shrug at her lecturing before touching my tender cheek causing me to flinch, “Ow he got me good.” Ah Ro tut and clicks her tongue a few times before she pulls me up onto my feet. I cry out in pain from my added headache as she quickly pulls me along, each step causing a throb to shoot up to my brain. “We need to put some ointment on that now before it swells up more,” she explains seating me beside her medical kit. I nod in agreement as she rummages through her kit while I observe the other Hwarang. It seems like most of them sobered up and were walking around aching, or they were knocked out on the ground sound asleep like a giant baby. “Okay stay still,” Ah Ro orders leaning in to apply some really pungent smelling ointment. Before I could comply I spot Ban Ryu with Soo Yeon, Soo Ho’s younger sister. What really irritated me was that he was smiling sweetly at her, no attitude or sarcasm included. He really did mean it when he said he didn’t have any feelings towards me, how naïve of me. Clenching my fist and jaw I couldn’t stay still, I was angry. Maybe I was so upset that the only way I could cope with it was to turn it into anger, at least I wouldn’t cry and embarrass myself further more. Before the ointment could be spread on my face I got up and headed back to my room despite Ah Ro shouting for me to come back.

“Dumb, idiot, stupid…” I chant through clenched teeth. I’m so mad, I thought throwing a punch into the wooden frame of Ban Ryu and Soo Ho’s shared bunk bed. I kept on throwing punches at the poor innocent wood with increasing strength until the skin on my knuckles split open. Taking a deep breath I watch as the blood dribbles down my fingers and onto the ground, it was calming, almost therapeutic. I felt better getting out my pent up rage but now with the fire gone I felt incredibly defeated. I wanted nothing but to take a long hot relaxing bath however that wasn’t possible, being paranoid that someone would walk in when I’m mid bathing so I quickly cleaned by myself up which helped clear my mind dramatically. Now in a better state of mind I was ready to join the Hwarang back outside. I sat on the stairs in a more secluded area of the palace, watching Ban Ryu and Soo Yeon from afar. I surprised myself at my new reaction to their interaction. As I watched him from here I could see how happy he genuinely was around her, I could never have that effect on him. I could feel my cheeks flush when I heard his laugh at something she said, finally understanding my feelings I nod and get up to tend to the horses. Might as well be productive and get my mind off things, even if it meant doing chores. I finally understood now, I really liked him. Even if he is grumpy, rude, and stuck up he managed to burrow himself deep into my heart for some damned reason. But after seeing him so happy with the company of Soo Yeon I couldn’t possibly be mad anymore. When you like someone you just want to see them smile and if Soo Yeon is the one to put that smile on his face then I won’t intrude. No matter how much the sinking feeling I felt in my heart was uncomfortable and hard to bear I would do it, that’s what you do when you like someone right? You put them first regardless of your own selfish feelings. Even though I knew what the right thing to do was I couldn’t help the hot tears that spilled over. “Ah dumb girl,” I chided myself with a smile. I rub my eyes with the sleeve of my hanbok trying very hard to stifle my sobbing but it was difficult, it hurt so bad. I walked to the corner of the horse stable where a large stack of hay was sat. I’ll just cry pathetically here where no one can hear or see me. Curling up into a ball I cry into the prickly straw, thinking about all the possible reasons why my favourite grumpy flowering knight didn’t reciprocate my feelings towards him. “Maybe because I’m ugly, or stupid. He always calls me stupid. I’m of no class, basically a lowly peasant who worked day and night jobs to get by. I chose a life as a Hwarang so I would have a place to call home. I have no manners, no family, and too stubborn for my own good picking fights that I know I would lose. Wow I really am a poor excuse of a human,” rolling over onto my back I look up to the wooden ceiling, “UGHHHH!” I sit up tapping my index finger on my chin, “If only brother Gun Chul was here he could give me advice. Or beat up stupid Ban Ryu. But he had to go die and leave me here all by myself!” I scream ripping at the stack of hay aggressively. I couldn’t help but smile remembering his passing, even though it was the worst day of my life his last words to me were something, “I hate it here so I’m glad I’m finally leaving, just a bit sad that I’ll have to leave your side though. We haven’t been separated since you were born but know that I will always be watching you, so don’t do anything stupid or you’ll give me a headache even when I’m in heaven…or burning in the depths of hell hahaha.” I laugh shaking my head remembering his stupid parting words. Maybe it was time I paid him a visit, I could probably sneak out tonight seeing that everyone would be exhausted from training today. Even though rules were implemented today I could careless, as long as I didn’t get caught I wouldn’t get in any trouble.

It was nightfall everyone was sound asleep in the shared bedroom. I look around counting each member in their rightful beds before quickly stripping out of my clothes and putting on a simple dark long sleeve robe. I quickly grabbed the flats I hid under my mattress and slipped them onto my feet. Making my way towards the door I peep my head into the halls, making sure it was empty before readying myself to bound down towards the palace exit with as much stealth as I could possibly muster up. Taking in a large breath I lunged forward, with great difficultly as something or someone yanked me back by the belt around my waist. I stifle I scream by holding a hand to my mouth before slowly looking up. “Where do you think you’re going?” Ban Ryu whispers lowly near my ears, “You’re going to get us all in trouble.” I clench my jaw, great this is what I really needed now, “I’m not going to get caught, I’ll be fast.” It was dark in the room so I couldn’t really make out much but I saw the shine in his dark eyes from the moonlight that managed to seep through the paper walls. “I asked, where are you going?” I push him off of me before turning to face him properly, “It’s nothing for you to worry about.” “I didn’t ask for you to assure me. I’m asking where you are going,” he flatly states with crossed arms. “Why do you even care so much?” I ask visibly getting irritated for my now soiled plan. Ban Ryu sighs, “I don’t care.” I sarcastically let out a laugh, “You have a funny way of showing that you don’t care. Just…leave me alone alright?” “You know I can’t do that.” “Ban Ryu can you just-” I didn’t realize I started raising my voice until he places a calloused hand over my mouth, “Come,” he orders pulling me into the halls and into the bathhouse.

I shake my head pacing in a small circle, “I don’t understand you!” He grabs my wrist successfully stopping me in my tracks, “W-What?” I ask quietly looking into his gentle gaze extinguishing the fire in my body. “What’s wrong?” he asks still holding my wrist tightly in his large hand as his thumb rubbed soothing circles into the back of my hand. “What do you mean what’s wrong?” I ask squinting up at him. “You aren’t acting like yourself,” he simply states. Watching him carefully I could see the concern he had in his eyes even though it was obvious that he tried really hard to conceal it. “Maybe you just don’t know me,” I say quietly looking down at his warm hand that held me in place. He didn’t say anything to my surprise, I felt bad for saying what I did considering how much it affected him for some reason. “I’m sorry,” I apologize reaching up with my free hand to place on top of his, “I didn’t mean for it to come out so rude. I guess I’m in a bad mood.” He nods pulling both of his hands back to his sides. I fiddle with the knot on my robe before looking up at the tall man before me, “I just…wanted to go see my brother that’s all.” He nods, “Let’s go then.” I raise an eyebrow at him, “What?” He rolls his eyes, “Can’t you listen for once instead of making me repeat myself every time.” I giggle at his irritation, “I can’t help it if you surprise me each time you open your mouth. Are you going to yell at me? Call me mean names? Or be uncharacteristically sweet?” Ban Ryu closes his eyes with a sigh as if he’s regretting the offer he made seconds ago, “Come on let’s go before we both get caught.” We walk back into the halls and before he could slip back into our room to get quickly changed I grabbed onto his sleeve, “Um can you get me the hairpin I hid under my pillow?” He raised a questioning brow looking down at me, “I-I need it,” I explained which he nodded without further questioning.


I held onto the sleeve of his hanbok as I pulled him along the quiet streets of Silla. I wanted to hold his hand but I didn’t have the nerve to and if I did it would make holding my feelings for him even harder. Just thinking about holding his warm hand made blood rush to my cheeks, “Almost there,” I smile back at him. He followed me into the outskirts of the capital but he didn’t question it even though with his wandering eyes I could tell that he was curious of where I was taking him. I drag him into the cemetery and raised by arms up gesturing to the dark open field, “Tadah!” He raised a brow and continued to follow me as I walked towards the spot that was marked with a few small stones, “Here’s the real Gun Chul.” I present pointing at the stones. Ban Ryu watches me carefully with a questioning look, “I didn’t expect this,” he bluntly states and I smile. “He got sick a few months ago,” I explained with a nod taking a seat in the grass. Ban Ryu lowers himself and sits closely beside me, “I’m sorry for your loss.” I laugh ducking my head to look up at his face, “That’s strange, I didn’t expect to hear you apologize ever.” He softly smiles taking out my hairpin from his bosom and twirling it between his index finger and thumb. “He gave me that,” I explained reaching out and touching the intricate carves on the wood, “We were really poor but…before he passed he got me this to remember him.” Ban Ryu nods keeping silent as if gesturing me to continue about my life’s story, “Um…he didn’t really need to though. I would never forget about him.” I look up at Ban Ryu as his fingers glided over mine, “How could you be so positive about all this? You’re still smiling.” I hum pulling my hand back, somewhat reluctantly, “He hated it here, and I guess he was happy to leave so if he’s happy then I’m happy.” Ban Ryu raises his hand and I was prepared for a smack on the forehead for having such dumb logic but instead he placed his hand on the back of my head and combed his fingers through my hair. I stayed silent as he pulled my long hair into a bun, gently threading the wooden hairpin into it. “Your logic is dumb,” he says flatly causing me to laugh. “What was your reason for joining the Hwarang?” he asks softly as his fingers trailed down my neck before he places his hand back into his lap. “Haha…this is even more dumb,” I confess scratching my cheek embarrassed, “Well…the thing is…we were broke. We worked day and night to make enough to get by. He overworked and his body finally decided to give up. And by myself I couldn’t make enough to keep our home and get medical treatment done for him. So we became homeless but Ah Ro’s family was very nice and allowed us stay with them. However when my brother didn’t get better and passed I didn’t want to burden them any longer… So I looked for a new home and the Hwarang gave me that.” I didn’t even realize that tears were running down my face by the time I finished telling him my story, “Sorry I didn’t mean to cry,” I sniffle as he wiped at my cheeks with his sleeve. “What’s your name?” He inquires next causing me to smile, “I like how you ask for my deep back story before asking for my name.” Ban Ryu softly laughs, “I didn’t know if your name was worth remembering until now.” I puff out my cheeks in mock offense shoving him with my shoulder, “My name is (Y/n).” He nods with a gentle smile, “Thanks for telling me that (Y/n).” I scrunch up my nose at his reply, “Oh geez, you’re scaring me with your kindness please stop!” He scoffs making a 360 back to himself. There was a comfortable silence that enveloped us, “Ban Ryu?” Hearing his name he looks at me giving his full undivided attention before I continued, “I feel the same about my brother to you.” The man raises his eyebrow not following my words, so I continued, “If you’re happy then so am I.” The confusion stayed on his features, “What do you mean?” I smile with a soft laugh, “I like you, a lot. But you are happiest beside Soo Yeon so I will be happy for you both.”    

Ban Ryu’s point of view

I didn’t comprehend what she was getting at. I liked (Y/n) more than any girl I’ve ever met, I even showed her how comfortable I was around her by being myself. I should tell her that I didn’t like Soo Yeon as anything more than a friend with mutual interests like giving Soo Ho a hard time, but I couldn’t bring myself to confess my feelings to her. She looks up at me with tear brimmed eyes but her smile never quivered on her perfect face, “I just…ask one thing of you Ban Ryu…we need to stop having these interactions. When you are like this…being so nice to me I can’t handle it knowing that our feelings aren’t mutual. It’s selfish of me to ask you that but it hurts too much knowing that you aren’t someone that I can call mine.” My chest tightens as I watch her smile waver with tears streaming down her face uncontrollably, it was worse than that time she got drunk. “You talk too much.” (Y/n) laughs with tears still streaming down her cheeks, “It’s okay though. I enjoy listening to you talking about nonsense.” She looks up with pouty lips and I couldn’t help but reach out and pinch her cheeks. “You are dumb aren’t you?” Before she could protest like she usually did I slide my hand from her cheek to the back of her head before gently pulling her forwards. “Just kiss me (Y/n).” My eyes flutter closed as her soft warm lips met mine, we barely made contact before she pulls back and buries her extremely hot flushed face into my neck. I chuckle at her shyness after her whole confident love confession. She snuggles closely to me as I wrap my arms tightly around her body, pulling her into my lap. (Y/n) timidly lets go of the front of my hanbok and slides her arms around my neck, holding me tightly. “I messed up can I try again?” “Do whatever you want,” I mumble feeling the heat radiating across my cheeks. “Okay I will!” She exclaims excitedly squishing my cheeks with both hands. (Y/n) stops amidst leaning in to flash me the brightest grin I’ve ever seen, “You’re cute,” she giggles before continuing to press her lips firmly against mine. Unlike our first kiss it was much more confident, filled with passion as her soft lips moulded with mine. She smiles into the kiss before pulling away, I hear a soft “wow” leave her plump lips as she throws her arms around me giving me the tightest hug she could muster up. “I’m happiest with you,” I quietly confess but nonetheless she heard as she tightened her hold around me.

We walk hand in hand back to the Hwarang house. The night had gotten more chilly but it was bearable since any slight contact I had with the (c/h) made my heart beat as if I ran for miles. I couldn’t help the small smile that tugged on my lips when I catch her in my peripheral vision with the beaming smile on her face that appeared when she sneaked glances at me. She yawns while rubbing at her swollen eyes from all her previous crying. I couldn’t believe this idiot thought that I liked someone else other than her, and wasted her tears on me too. Even though I hate unnecessary crying I admit she was adorable that she cared about me enough to shed her tears for me. Although I hope in the future she would only cry out of happiness. “You must be tired from all that crying you big baby,” I tease treading my fingers through her soft silky locks. She looks up with lidded eyes with a genuine pout, “I’m too sleepy to come up with something witty to say.” I chuckle at her forwardness and squatted, gesturing for her to get on my back. Her usual self would be too stubborn to take my offer in carrying her but she was too tired to care as she obediently jumped onto my back. (Y/n) wrapped her arms around my neck as she buried her face into my shoulder and quickly drifted to sleep.

I was surprised that we made it back into our rooms without being caught. Then again, we would know in the morning for sure if extra chores were given to us for sneaking out. I gently lower her into her bed and she loudly groans, a brief moment of panic floods through me hoping none of our roommates would stir at the sound.

Normal point of view

I groan as I lost all warmth from my soft cushion when it became cold and stiff. My eyes flutter open, it took a while for them to adjust in the dark but I made out the figure before me to be Ban Ryu thanks to the small sliver of moonlight that seeped through the walls. “Stay…” I mumble as my hands reached out to grab his. He sighs but he slips into my bed nonetheless, holding me close into his chest. “I’ll stay until you fall sleep,” he says as his lips brush against my forehead. “Then I won’t ever fall asleep,” I simply state cuddling into his body, feeling his warmth spread through me once again my eyes started to feel heavy. I feel the rumble in his chest as he chuckles quietly, “Don’t be silly.” Ban Ryu combs his long fingers though my hair and removes the wooden hairpin from my bun creating loose ringlets to fall around my face. He slides the hairpin back underneath my pillow before resuming to brush the hair away from my face, soothing me into a peaceful sleep. “Good night…my princess.”

“I’m a peasant,” I correct half unconscious. “And you are annoying, shut up and sleep (Y/n).”

B l u e   H o l e

Requested: Nope

Member: Min Yoongi

Genre: Fluff, implied smut, heavy angst

Word Count: 8,420

Warnings: This story contains mentions of death, suicide, and abuse. If you aren’t comfortable with these subjects, you should not read it.

A/N: Okay, so this story is based off of one of my favorite books, titled “All the Bright Places,” by Jennifer Niven. I started crying while writing this, so it’ll probably spark up some kind of emotion in you. Thanks for reading Lovelies~

      Is today a nice day to die?

That question, that seven word question, is one I, (Y/N) (L/N), ask myself every single day that I live. So far, as you can see, the answer has turned out to be no. Or, rather than no, it would be “maybe, but let’s just push ourselves to get through one more miserable day in this hellhole, and see what happens next.” And I’ll never know, maybe I’ll go out with a bang, dying from something in a crowd, or silently passing in my sleep. Life is full of mysteries, and death is the only one that I care to think about daily.

      Will today be the day?

      And if not today - when?

Also a few other questions I ask myself on the daily, including today. The thoughts swirl around in my head, as I stand on the narrow ledge of my high school, watching the oblivious passerby that look like simple ants. I feel like I’m one with the sky, I’m so high up. I could just let the wind drift me down to the ground, I would make Marry Poppins look bad. I don’t really remember how I got up here - as well as what happened before this winter. It always turns out like this, my memories vanishing into thin air, only the smallest fragments being left behind, but never enough for me to put them together piece by piece. That’s what happens when I fall Asleep. Not necessarily as in the body function of sleeping, but something else. Here, allow me to explain.

      To be Asleep is to be dead. Not physically, but emotionally, as well as mentally. Think of it as being someone who has no emotions, no path in life. A living, breathing, human zombie. You cannot feel any pain, you cannot love anyone, you cannot hate anyone. You’ve basically gone brain dead. But, after what seems like a lifetime, you’ll become Awake again, without any memories of what the hell had just happened to you. Anyways, enough about being Asleep, and back to what actually happened this fine day.

      “Ladies and gentlemen. Is today the day? Is today the day where I end my life, with all of you here to witness this great show?” My speech only brought the common mumbles from the other students from below, the normal, “Go ahead, we won’t miss you”, “Get your crazy ass down from there before you hurt someone”, and the all too familiar: “You act like any of us care.” But, then came a few proclamations that you hadn’t heard before - “Wait, is that Yoongi?”, “What’s he doing up there?”, “He’s probably gonna talk her down. Poor guy, he thinks that she actually matters.” And that’s when you saw him.

      The Min Yoongi, standing on the other side of the bell tower, staring blankly at the ground.

      “Whoa there, hey, boy, are you okay?” Only when he turned did I see that look in his eyes, the look to end his life. I knew that look. I saw it staring back at me every day in the mirror. Shit. Good boys shouldn’t want to kill themselves, that’s my job. “H-hey, don’t worry, everything’s gonna be fine. Okay? Just step away from the ledge. I won’t hurt you, you’ll be okay, come here. We’ll get you down safe. Alright?” And then, the realization sunk into him, and I saw the look of pure horror on his face. The look that said, I don’t know how I got up here, I don’t know what I was thinking, but please, please, just help me. So that’s what I did. “Here, swing your leg back over the railing, and grab onto the bell. The ledge is too thin for you, come, it’ll be okay.” He moved in probably the most ungraceful way I could’ve ever seen, but I saw all the beauty that was held beneath this boy’s cold exterior, hidden under his head of mint hair, and buried deep underneath the left side of his black leather jacket. Maybe death wasn’t the only thing I loved. After he was safely behind the railing, a few claps came from the ground, and as I peered over the ledge, I was only met with the piercing and judgmental gazes of the other students and my principle, Mr. Wiele. I hate that man, that fat, stubby, ugly bald man. But, just gotta keep up my happy little facade and maybe I’ll be okay. Maybe. I swiftly jumped over the railing, to be met with the boy’s gaze, staring at me deeply.

      “A thank you would be appreciated, Yoongi.”

       “U-um, t-thanks… (Y/-”

       “(Y/N). But you can call me (L/N).” I beamed a smile at him, and I couldn’t possibly see how this boy was the confident, cool Yoongi you had always heard rumors about. “Well, you’d better get down there. Everyone thinks you saved me, because I just couldn’t get the wonderful title of being a hero. Go on, shoo. I’ll see you later.” Just then, my friend Charlie comes up. He has a darker complexion, and also gets laid more than anyone I know. But, then again, I don’t really know that many people.

       “They’re serving pizza today.” He says, as if I’m not eight stories above ground ready to kill myself. But, I’m not, because you shouldn’t kill yourself if there’s pizza in store for you. That’s just a rule. Well, not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Now isn’t the time, (Y/N). Not when you get to have pizza. I smiled, and looked over to a blank looking Yoongi.

      “Well, we’d better get going. See ya Minty.”

      “Oh yeah, (Y/N)? Mr. Hoarts wants to see you.” Ah shit. Maybe it should’ve been today. But there are a lot of people around, I’ll still have to wait.

      “Ugh, fine, let’s go. Bye Minty.” I offered a smile to Yoongi over my shoulder, only to be met with an empty gaze. So much for a thank you.

      “Do you think this is some kind of joke, (L/N)?” Mr. Hoarts’s voice seemed to bounce off the walls, and god, I hate his voice. It’s so annoying and whiny and ugh, he’s just terrible.

      “No, sir.”

      “Do you think your death is some kind of joke?”

      Yes. “No, sir.”

      “Do you think your family would be okay? And that they wouldn’t miss you?”

      They wouldn’t give a single shit, they’d probably be glad that I left their lives. These thoughts started racing through my head too, and soon it would be too much of a hassle to answer these questions because he knows that what I’m thinking is true, and he also knows that I know that he’s secretly reading these questions off of a pamphlet under his desk. “I’m sure they would miss me, sir.” A sigh left his lips. His ugly, hideous, disgustingly chapped lips. No wonder he’s single. He leans over the desk, his hands now crossed and setting on a few papers, which looked like forms for some depression pills, which, surprisingly, aren’t prescribed for me. But I guess I already have some. He was too close for comfort, even though there was quite a distance between us. If the distance isn’t the problem, maybe it’s the fucking garlic bagel he had for breakfast. God, did you just eat a full clove? Learn how to brush your damn teeth! You need a mint? I got some of those. Some gum? Got that too. Anything man, just please, you smell like a dog’s asshole.

      “(Y/N), you’re a good girl.” Ew. “You have a lot to live for, and you don’t need to squander it by making bad decisions, and you surely don’t need to end it. I care about you, kid.” Ew. Again. And, that’s also one of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard. That, and the fact that my dad loves me. That right there is pure bullshit. But so is this speech. “Don’t kill yourself. Okay?”

      “Yes, sir.” I hope he knows that’s the best answer he’s gonna get. Another sigh, and he leans back in his chair.

      “You’re free to go. I don’t wanna see you back in here for a long while, (L/N).”

      “Yes, sir.” And I left. He never once mentioned Yoongi, and I’m relieved.

       By lunch, the news that Min Yoongi had saved (Y/N) (L/N) from jumping off of the bell tower to her death was all around the entire school.. On my way to the cafeteria, coming from English Literature, I got caught up behind this group of girls who were talking about it. You know, the girls who talk really high-pitched, and at the end of every statement they say, their pitch raises just a bit more and makes it sound like a question. So, like, I heard she had a gun? And like, Yoongi had to wrestle it out of her hands? And, she was, like, about to shoot him? Okay, so apparently I’m all tragic and dangerous now. Oh yeah, I think. Totally.

       “So, tell me the scoop on the Yoongi dude.” I shove a piece of pizza into my mouth as I say that, looking over at Charlie and my other friend Violet expectantly.

      “Don’t you both have like, five classes together?”

      “What, do you think I actually talk to him? Today marks the first day he’s ever even glanced in my general direction, even if I did just talk him out of killing himself. He’s with the cool kids, right?” Their hums of approval urged me forward, realizing he’s had a few scarring incidents of his own. “Oh… wait, he was the one with the brother who got in a car crash, right? Last winter?” More hums. “Ahhhh… So I’m guessing today means something important to him, if he’s just now going to the ledge. Besides pizza, I mean. That’s important to everyone.” Now an eye roll from both of them. “Well if you two aren’t gonna be any help, I’ll just head to class early then.” I picked up all my shit and saluted to them both as I threw my trash away and sauntered out from the lunch hall.   

      I get to my U.S. Geography classroom, feeling some emotions, like power, excitement, invincibility, and strangely, exhilaration, as if I just escaped, well, death. I look around, and no one is paying attention to me, nor our teacher Mr. Scizer, who is literally the largest man I have ever laid my eyes on. He has a beet red face, that makes him look like he’s always on the verge of having a heatstroke or a heart attack. Which, he probably is. And his has this wheeze when he talks, and even when he breathes. 

      We’re doing some sort of “Exploring Indiana” unit, where students have to actually get off of their lazy asses and get out of their houses for once. It was also a way for kids to, “Learn more about our glorious state and discover all of the beautiful things it holds.” A quote from Mr. Scizer, except without the wheezing and breathy pauses he had to take. No joke.

      A noise somewhere across the room stops his speech, possibly the sound of a boy dropping his book on the floor. He bends down to pick it up, which then upsets the rest of his books and causing them all to tumble to the ground. A quiet, “Goddamn it,” leaves the boy’s lips as he grabs everything from the floor. This is all followed by laughter, because we’re in high school, and apparently this shit is supposed to be funny. The boy who dropped his books is Min Yoongi, as in the one I saved from plummeting to his death on the bell tower. I can see the slight glimmer of annoyance in his dark chocolate orbs. Not the, ‘You-are-all-so-damn-annoying-and-I’m-about-to-just-walk-out’ kind, but more like the ‘I’m-about-to-die-from-embarrassment-right-now-and-if-you-all-don’t-shut-the-hell-up-I-will-kill-you’ kind. I have felt this many times before, and, seeing as Yoongi is about one dropped pencil away from strangling someone, I knock one of my own books down. All eyes are on me. Leaning over to grab it, I purposely shove the others off my desk, followed by more laughter and the normal, “Nice job, freak” from the school’s biggest dick - Gage Raymond.

      “If you’re… Done… Miss (Y/N)… I would like… To… Continue.” I settle back into my chair, take a bow, and offer a wink and a smile to Yoongi. I see the slightest upturn of his lips, before he turns back to the front of the class, and I immediately feel so much better. 

      Mr. Scizer fixes his gaze on Yoongi, then on me, back to Yoongi, back to me, and finally, onto the blackboard behind him.  He picks up a piece of chalk and scribes out the words, “Wander the Wonders”. He’s really bad at titles.

      “As I… Was saying… You all need to… Wander around Indiana… In pairs as you… Discover the beauties… Of our state… Together.” He goes on to ramble about how we can choose wherever we would like to go, and however we would like to do it. We also have to try to find out ways they all relate, and we have to document the fact that we actually went there with videos and pictures, along with a ten page essay. “This assignment… Will be worth… Forty-five percent… Of your final grade.”

      I raise my hand.


      “Do we get to choose out partners?”


      “I choose Yoongi.”

      “You can both… Work that… Out… After class is… Dismissed.” After class it is then, I mouth to him. And he smiles. Again. I made him smile.

      As per usual, Gage Raymond blocks my way from getting out of this hellhole.

      Raymond says, “I’d better not catch you looking at me again.” I try not to laugh at this, because I know if I do, it’ll start a fistfight.

      “I wasn’t looking at you. Trust me, there are about a million other thing I would rather look at, including Mr. Scizer’s large, naked ass.”

      “Fag.” Breathe, (Y/N). Count. He isn’t worth the effort to kill. Just count. You’ll be fine. One, two, three… And that little voice inside my head was right. He wasn’t worth any kind of effort, especially the kind that would go into having to distract everyone, kill him silently, drag him off somewhere, and act innocent. Instead, I plastered this dumb, sweet smile on my face as I looked up at him and said,

      “I’m glad you know who you truly are.” And I walked out.

      At home, I jump onto my computer and do something I’ve never done - make a social media account. I create a Facebook name, post a profile pic, and go straight to Yoongi’s page. I send a friend request, and I wait. Then, a few minutes later, I’m suddenly engrossed in a conversation with him on where we should visit for the project, actually being accepted by someone for once in my life. 

      After skipping dinner, the conversation suddenly got a bit too deep.

Me: So, why exactly were you on the bell tower today?

Yoongi: Well, today would’ve been my brother’s 19th birthday. He always said some shit about how he was gonna wreck the whole town on this night, and he’d bring me with him.

Me: Oh, that makes a bit more sense. You just didn’t seem like the person who would want to.. Y’know… Kill themselves.

Yoongi: Well, what about you? Why were you up there??

Me: Oh, I was going to jump, but it was too public, too crowded, and it was probably gonna be too messy. Then I saw you, and I thought, “Oh shit, we don’t need the janitor working overtime.”

Yoongi: Shit, I’m sorry for asking…

Me: Nah, it’s fine Minty.

Yoongi: “MINTY”???


Yoongi: Oh my fucking god, you’re the only person I will ever let call me that.

Me: I feel honored, Sir Yoonglz.

Yoongi: oKAY, goodnight (N/N)


Yoongi: and sweet dreams to you too.

      And now, now that I’m still here, that I’m still alive, that I’m still Awake, I’m actually happy. Because I may have never fallen in love with this boy if I wasn’t. 

      “So not today,” I sing, “I won’t leave yet, because he smiled at me.”

      Yoongi and (Y/N)’s Rules for Wandering

  1. There are no rules. Life is one big rule as is.
  2. But, there are guidelines. (What? They sound less strict, okay?)

           a) No using phones or a GPS to get us there. All maps. (and the occasional civilian) 

           b) We alternate who chooses where we go, but we also have to just go with the flow of where the road takes us. But, no matter what, under any circumstance, can the spot be ordinary.

           c) At every spot, we have to leave something of ours behind, kinda like an offering. And, if we’d like, we can use it as an exchange, and take something with us from the spot.

      I clamber into my old pickup, better known as Combine, because this baby could plow through anything. It’s the middle of the night, and I step on the gas as hard as I can. And off I go. My foot is pressed down against the floor of the truck, the sudden urge to go faster hitting me like a bullet. Faster, and faster, and faster, I speed out of the town and fly down the gravel roads. The speedometer climbs up higher and higher, a joyous feeling as I see the needle shaking, and going to it’s furthest point. And then I let loose. I slow to a stop, and I turn around. Now I’m on my way to Yoongi’s house.

      I make it back there in about five minutes, and I park the truck halfway down the street so I don’t look too suspicious. As I come up to his house, I grab a few pebbles from the street and fling them at his window. After seeing no sign of him, I climbed up the vines and hopped through his window. That surely woke him up, because I immediately see him shoot up and pull out a hunting knife.

      “God fuckin- Shit, (Y/N)!  I was about to fucking stab you!” I fall onto the edge of his bed laughing and clutching my stomach, clawing at the fabric of my thin shirt. “Stop laughing!” I could hear how his smile was slowly spreading over his features, and lighting up his eyes as a quiet chuckle escaped his lips. 

      “I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has a knife at hand while they’re sleeping.” At this, a wide, adorable gummy smile pulls at his mouth, and I didn’t know any kind of disease or sickness that could possibly be more infectious than that damn smile.

      “That makes two of us. But anyways, what are you doing here?” I smiled again, and chucked a shirt and some sweatpants at him after noticing that he was completely naked, save for a pair of boxers that were loosely hanging around his waist. 

      “We are going wandering. Chop chop, leave a note or something, and off we go.” I threw some shoes and socks onto his bed, slipped into a sweatshirt of his, and quickly pulled him out of the window before he could tie his shoes. “Hurry up and climb, I’ll race ya to the truck!” With that, I bolted off down the street, sprinting in the middle of the road. Surprisingly, he caught up and and beat me to the truck. We both jumped in, and we sped off to my special place, my safe place, the Blue Hole.

      I could see his head turn to admire me, and I tried to hide the enormous grin that was bound to paint itself on my face. “So… Where exactly are we going?” Oh, I think, there’s the grin. I crank up the radio so the music carries its way out of the window, and I laugh when I look over to him. Who would’ve known that he could look so beautiful in the moonlight?

      I lean over and peck his cheek as I look back at the road ahead of us, Combine, my mind, and my heart, all racing at the same time. “The Blue Hole!!” I have to yell in order for him to hear me over the radio, but fuck, it feels so good to be able to yell. “It’s my safe spot, it’s like- Y’know what, you’ll see when we get there!!!” I smile over at him again, and it’s like the entire world only consists of us, this truck, and this road.

      We get there at the crack of dawn, the sunrise painting the sky in an array of vibrant colors, like violet, blue, orange, and various other shades. I turn over to Yoongi, smiling from ear to ear. “Okay, so this is the Blue Hole. It’s a quarry with on of those trenches in it, where if can be eight feet deep for one foot and then suddenly you’re sinking down into a hole of a deep blue abyss. So, I named it that because it’s kinda like a black hole, only with water, sucking you down deeper and deeper. So yeah, come on!!~” I put Combine in park, get out and slam the door shut, rip off my clothes, and dive in.

      “(Y/N), WAIT!!!!” I can hear Yoongi’s distressed cry even from how deep I am. I must be at least twenty feet down. I stay down there for around five or six minutes, seeing how long I could stay. I’m used to practicing at home, in the bath or just out of water. Being surrounded my the liquid made it all different. My lungs are screaming for air, trying to claw and grasp at the faintest molecule for any sign of relief. My eyelids are slowly drooping, and the light from the surface seems to be slowly fading. I swim up, up, up, to the point where I think this is all a dream, one repetitive motion, and I’ve really been Asleep this whole time. After what seems like an eternity, air gets sucked into my lungs as I gasp for it, trying to shake the black dots away that are littering my vision. I swim to the side where I can stand, and I look up to be crushed in a giant hug.

      “Y-you bitch… God… I-I thought you were dead… I though you left me…” His voice cracked as many times as possible, and I heard how broken he was. He cares for me, I thought. He missed me. He was worried. I slowly move my arms up, ignoring how my muscles were pleading for rest, feeling like sandbags were tied to my wrists. My fingers dance through his hair, closing my eyes to soak up this moment. He really does care. I squeeze my eyes shut and croak out, noticing how dry and harsh my voice sounded, knowing it would stay that way for a few days. 

      “… I-I’m so sorry, Yoongi…” I didn’t realize that I was crying until the salty liquid hit the corner of my lips. “I’m so, so sorr-” I couldn’t hear my voice anymore, but I could feel the soothing feeling of his lips on mine. He hoisted me up and carried me out of the water, my legs instantly wrapped around his waste as he walked back up the trail to Combine. I had already had a thick comforter in the flatbed, it being taped down from when I would drive off and spend days in my truck. He laid me down, instantly climbing between my legs as he slipped off the last pieces of clothing I had on. I had no idea what emotions really were before I met Min Yoongi.

      I laid in his arms, both of our gazes directed up to the clouds. My fingers absentmindedly ran up and down his arm, leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake. My heart was still calming down from what had just happened, because it happened with someone I love, and they love me back. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that fact. I felt like I could live forever - and for once in my miserable, useless, life, I don’t feel apposed to that idea. As long as I’m by his side.

      As we gathered our stuff and threw on our clothes, I held his shirt and smiled up at him. “I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.” His laugh reverberated throughout my being, his smile nothing compared to the sun beating down on us both.

      “I love you too, Miss (N/N).”

We decided that this would absolutely be a spot, so I threw a few historical coins into a tin from my truck, and Yoongi tossed his old necklace in with it. We buried the tin near the shore, and turned back to Combine. With one last kiss, we were both back on the road to what normal people would call, ‘home’. 

      We’re as far from normal as possible.

      “I’m home.” My voice rang through the house, my sister’s head poking out from the kitchen.

      “Good. We have to go to dad’s house tonight, remember?” God. Not him. He was a poor excuse for a human, even worse than myself. Fuck, he’d be a poor excuse for a damn rat.

      The words left my lips before I could process what I was saying. “Don’t call him that.” I’m lucky this was my sister, because we both believe that he shouldn’t even be on this planet. “You and I both know his status is lower than a damn gnat.” I sighed as she looked at  me with eyes that told me, yes, I know. He’s terrible. And I feel sorry for mom. I went up to my room, and lit up a cigarette as I changed into something. I shouldn’t even be putting any effort into this, I thought. He doesn’t deserve any effort. I decided on some black ripped jeans and some worn out black Chuck Taylors, keeping on Yoongi’s sweatshirt that I had almost forgot was on my torso.

      “(Y/N), let’s go!! Take your truck, I’ll head over now!” I looked toward the door and yelled back down to my sis.

      “Okay, don’t let him touch you.” I could hear her faint sigh as she grabbed her keys and walked out. I heard her car pull out from the driveway, and I turned to look at the picture on my desk. It was one of me, my sister, my mother, and what used to be my father, except for how I tore him off and burned him with a lighter. He left our family after abusing all of us, then finally saying that he’d already been cheating on our mother for six years prior. Then, my mom died in a car crash, and now it’s just me and my sis. I grabbed the frame and slammed it down onto my knee, shards of glass propelling all over my room. Why is he still alive? He shouldn’t be walking!

      After I got all of the glass out of my palms, and washed off all of the blood, I hopped into Combine and drove off to my “Father”s house. It really was a nice house, very expensive and very fancy. It was obvious he was in this relationship for the money. He married this really rich Daddy’s Girl, but she’s a surprisingly nice person. I have no idea how she’s dealt with him thus far, especially without getting a few broken bones from him. She’s probably scared, I think. I pull up and park my pickup in the driveway, hoping that the neighbors won’t have to call the cops again. Yet we all know just that will happen. 

      My fingers are prickling, like ten thousand needles all stabbing me at once, and I feel the need to wrap them around someone’s throat and just squeeze. I hop out and enter almost completely silent, a tactic I’ve used to get into Yoongi’s house in broad daylight. I offer Rhynna, the new wife, a nod, glare at her scrawny little boy, Tyler - who may or may not be that man’s, I still don’t think so - and I head downstairs to see my sis in the corner on her phone. My stature hardens instantaneously at the words that fall from the man’s mouth.

      “There’s my other girl.” Don’t. Fucking. Call. Me. That. Before I could stop myself, I’ve already stalked over to him and slammed my fist into his jaw. I heard the cracking sound of his right jaw joint dislocating, and a surge of power washed over me. The prickling in my fingers is getting stronger, and I encase his throat with my hands and wring them back and forth. 

      “Don’t you EVER call me that again!”  Next thing I knew, I was the one getting strangled, my whole body being held up in the air by his hand on my neck.

      “Is that how you treat your father? Don’t call you what? Huh?! Spit it out, bitch!” I feel an immense pain shooting through my back, and up to my skull as I see I was thrown into the wall. This is how family reunions go with us.

      Now I’m getting picked up again, by my hands this time. I feel my fingers touch the back of my hand, all the knuckles and joints twisting and snapping. Once again, I’m being dropped, and I’m met face to face with the man, who’s in an unconscious state from a vase - which is probably worth more than my truck - that hit him on the head. I look up to my teary and red-eyed sister, and only mutter a few quiet words.

      “Please don’t take me to the hospital. Just get him behind bars.”  

        We get home after a while, and my sis stitches up my head and chin, as well as making some makeshift casts for my hands. After many attempts, I finally type out something on Facebook, that he would possibly be able to read.

Me: Please come over.

      A few minutes later, after thinking he hadn’t seen it, my bedroom door bursts open to see Yoongi, a panting, disheveled mess, but still as beautiful as ever.

      “What happened?!” I’m ready to laugh at him, tell him this is all a joke, that it’s a big prank, with makeup and cameras. But I can’t. Because I know he see the pain in my eyes. He can see how I’m trying to hold onto that last, tiny shard of sanity I have left. He knows me better than I know me.

       My voice is hoarse and broken, surprising even myself at how I sound. “My ‘dad’ happened.” I can see how he’s ready to apologize, how he’s ready to say how sorry he is, but he doesn’t, because he knows that sorry has no meaning. Instead, he walks over to me and sits next to me on the bed, pulling me in for a warm hug, and my figure melts with his perfectly. We stay like this for a majority of the day, only breaking apart when my sister brings up food for us.

      “I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.”

      “And I love you, Miss (N/N).”

      Yoongi is always around now, helping me when my sis is at work. School excused the both of us, believing our bullshit lie that I got into a car crash and Yoongi was my designated caretaker. One morning, while he was still asleep, I managed to slip away from his grasp and get into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, and chopped off the casts. That probably woke him up, because he rushed into the bathroom and looked at me with wide eyes once he saw the casts on the floor.

      “(Y/N)!!! What are you doing?! You need the casts so you can heal proper-” I cut him off with a kiss, knowing well what he was going to say afterwards. I held either sides of his face with my mangled, twisted, crooked fingers, and looked deep into his eyes. His sigh tickled my lips, and he looked back at me when his hands wrapped around my waist. “I just… I hate seeing you this way. I just don’t want you to be hurt.” I dare not say how I’m already hurt. “It pains me to think about you like this, let alone see you. But promise me this-” I hate promises. He knows this. “-You’ll be careful.” That’s the worst promise of all. I just give him a simple nod, and he knows I’m lying, but he doesn’t push it. “Now what are you doing? Why’d you cut off the casts?” My eyes light up at this, a smile spreading over my face.

      “We’re going wandering!” I lightly grab his hand, because my fingers are still barely mobile, and tug him out.

      “What? No, no, you can barely move! I can’t let you do this, (Y/N). I can’t let you do something when I know it’ll hurt you.” He slowly pulled me to a stop, and I could see the worry in his eyes. 

      I sigh, and look up at him. “This will make me feel better, Yoongi. I promise I’ll stay in bed for awhile after, but please, just come with me.” There’s conflict swirling around his eyes, his brows furrowed in concern. He’ll say yes, I think. Knowing him, and him knowing me. His head makes the tiniest movement upward, and that’s enough for me to pull him out to Combine. I hop in with a grin, and speed out of town with my hand in his. I roll the windows down, and crank up the radio until the sound speeds out the windows and into the open air.

      “So where are we going again?” I could faintly hear Yoongi’s voice yell over the booming music, and I looked over to be met with the smile that could cure my seemingly never ending sadness.

      “I don’t know the name, but I call it the bookmobile park! There’s a bunch of mobile homes- actually, you’ll see when we get there!” I laugh as the wind licks at my cheeks, my hair flying all around. This is what life should really be like, I thought. Something worthwhile.

      We drive about thirty miles away from town, and finally, we come up to about half a dozen old mobile homes sitting in a barren field, with nothing around it for miles. I smile and jump out with him, racing him to the park. I follow him into one that has his favorite genre painted on the outside, the letters chipping and peeling away. I’m surprised he could even understand what it said. He gathers up some books, all with worn covers and damaged pages, and I smile once I see the familiar childhood titles.

      “My brother would read these all to me when I was younger. We would go back and forth with the lines. He’d read one, and I’d read the next. I memorized all of them, and he called me crazy for it. Hell, I probably still have them memorized.” I can’t really imagine having something like that happening to me. He’s my everything, just like his brother was to him, and I couldn’t bare the thought of loosing him. But it would happen sooner or later. Rather, sooner than later.

      We’d gathered up a pile of books, and went to pay. The owner, an older woman, let us off for free saying that we were a “Cute couple, and they get things handed to them.” Then we realized that we had to leave something, so we left twenty bucks anyways and a few cigarette butts we had earlier. We packed all of our books, and sat in the car. I realized how much I love him. I realize how much he cares. But I realize that I was a mistake, a walking, talking, living, breathing, fuck up. I should be dead by now, I should’ve jumped, or stopped holding my breath, or had too many pills. I realized all of this, so I got in Combine with him, and I told myself: Just drive.

      He picks a place now, called the Painted Rainbow Bridge. I let him drive, and we speed off to find it in Indianapolis, not giving a care in the world. We pass a cigarette back and forth, and finally, after three cigarettes and more than one hundred songs, we find what we’re looking for. I get out and walk with him, a sharpie hidden in the pocket of his sweatshirt I’m wearing. We walk over to the more hidden side of the bridge, and I pull the sharpie out and hand it to him.

      “Time to do some cliche teenager move.” I laugh with him as he scribbles his name down, and I shakily position the marker in my bent fingers. He holds my hand to help, guiding it along to spell my name. God, I’m going to miss him. Anyways, we walk our way along the bridge, reading all of the old love notes scrawled out on the sides. Swinging our hands back and forth, we race each other back to the truck, which ended up with him carrying me like a newlywed because he was worried about my back. We left a banged up tin of Altoids under it the bridge, along with a dented can of beer. He drove us back home, and he stayed the night with me, starting up a warm bath for my joints.

      I need to end this, I thought. I can’t let him know.

      Later that night, we made a fort in my empty closet, and he saw all my post-its hanging on the wall. “What are all of these?” Reasons to die.

      “Oh, I just wrote them down in case I wanted to use them for a song. In that case, here, I have something for you.” I rummaged around in an old shoebox before I found what I was looking for. I had thrown together all the songs we listen to while we’re wandering onto a cassette tape, as well as a whole other one with songs I wrote for him. “I don’t know if you’ll really like them, but I threw them together pretty quick.” A kiss was all I needed from him, as I moved to his lap, so I could feel how much I actually mattered to him, so I could feel the desire he had for me.

      Later, we tore down all the sad, miserable, and painstakingly true notes, and we replaced them with notes of love, and happiness. Two emotions that I learned now that I had Yoongi with me. Once he falls asleep, I look up at the old, glowing, sticky stars that are on the ceiling.

      “Maybe not today,” I sing. “Maybe not today, because he cares. They say every life is important, but only one person cares about mine. It’s the first breath of air you get when your head’s been drowning underwater, that’s love.”

      We let Yoongi go home tonight, after giving him many kisses and dancing for him just to show that I was all okay. I couldn’t sleep that night. So, I went to my bathroom and slid open to mirror to find all my pills. I had some pain killers and sleeping pills that my sis gave me, earlier in the phase where everything was aching. I pour all of the pills out into my hands from both bottles. 22, 23, 24… 24 in total. What happens if I down 24 pills? I didn’t know, so I tested it, doing 12 at a time. I felt nothing for a bit, but then it hit me, the aching pain in my head, how reality was slipping out of my reach, black dots trying to cloud my vision. No, not yet, I told myself. I didn’t get to tell him. Crawling to the toilet, I shoved two fingers down my throat, pushing them in and out, until every last little pill was floating in the water. I flushed them down the drain once I counted another time, just to make sure. Well, that was easy. Maybe I’ll leave that way.

      I wake up in the morning, or more like late afternoon, and quickly blast some music so I could function a bit more properly. Later, I logged onto Facebook to see where we’d be going today.

Me: Got any ideas Sir Minty Yoonglz?

Yoongi: Surprisingly, I do. There are these two roller coasters some junkie dude built in his backyard. I think he’s kinda old now, but I called him to check if we could come, and he said we could. We’re supposed to be there sometime around 4 o’clock, so you’d better get ready because I know you just woke up. 

Me: You’re saying I just woke up? You were still asleep and just woke up from the notification and you know it! 

Yoongi: Yeah yeah, whatever (Y/N).

Me: Love you too~

      After getting ready, I packed up a few strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches and some cold root beer for supper. When two arms wrapped around my waist, a smile found its way onto my face. I tilted my head up and kissed his cheek, smiling up at him.

      “Ready (N/N)?”

      “Indeed, Minty Yoonglz.” We walked out hand in hand, and he drove us off to Bruceville, off to meet the junkie genius named John Ivers, who built two fucking roller coasters in his backyard. Now that’s talent. It takes us a while to get there, but it was definitely worth the wait. They weren’t the giant, eighty feet tall kind, they were only about fifteen feet tall, and really short. But the second you got on, it was the most fun you would have had in a long time.You go up and down, through all the twists and loops, in a super short period of time. It really gets your blood pumping, to know that this thing might fall apart any second, and hey, maybe that’s how I’ll die. Having a coaster cart crush me as I fall fifteen feet down to the ground, or maybe the seat belt isn’t secure enough, and I’ll slip out and hit my head too hard. We both take turns, going on and off, and then we try the Blue Flash Too. That one isn’t nearly as fun as the original, so we go back to it. We ask John a few questions while I scribble some notes down, and doodle a few pictures of the coasters down. Later, we drive off to a field and eat the supper I packed.

      “So babe… Tell me about your brother…” I could tell how his body froze a bit underneath me, and I knew I should’ve just left it alone. Typical, stupid (Y/N).

      “Well… His name was Seokjin. Though, everyone just called him Jin. We were driving back from a party one night, and we were fighting in the car. I told him to just take the bridge, even though it was bound to be icy. He did it just so I would shut up, just so he could make me happy… T-the car crashed up against the side of it, and… I was the one who lived… God, I should’ve been the one who was driving, I should’ve died, I should’ve just let him take the damn road! I should’ve jumped.” My heart slams into my stomach at that, my arms wrapping around him tight.

      “You’re too young to die. You have too much ahead of you, too many great things that will get you ahead of life’s threats. You’ll get through this Yoongi. Trust me.” Trust me, I thought. Trust me, just this once. Because it’ll be me, not you. I really couldn’t take this, knowing what would happen to him. I know he should’ve stayed away, but really, his life would’ve been worth more to save then mine. So now we’re here. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t be alive, he should be all okay, with a better girl, and a better life, and everything would be okay. I wouldn’t have dragged him down with me, he wouldn’t have even known I had existed, I’d just be the girl who killed herself. And I’d be okay with that, if I didn’t meet him. And that’s been the best and worst decision of my life.

      We finally get home, splitting our different ways. I sit at my chair and  look down at the combinations of black and white keys, and I slowly play some chords, letting the sound float around my room. Then I sing. “I can change my mind each day, changing how I live, but I still remember your birthday and your brother’s favorite song. I didn’t mean to wear you, so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I treated you like shit, I’m sorry for not believing you loved me. Someone will, but someone isn’t me.” I stay up the rest of the night, move all of my stuff into a corner, and pull out some paint. I cover the walls, painting it all black. I take some chalk and scribble down a note for someone on the wall, and I take everything out of the room. I keep a few blankets, and I spend the night in my closet, emptying all of the clothes out of it. I stay up, looking at the glow in the dark stars, just thinking, maybe I could become a real one tomorrow.

      I was supposed to be at school the next day, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere. Because I was everywhere. During our lunch break, My computer and phone both started blowing up. Yoongi was worried. He didn’t have to be.

Yoongi: (Y/N)? Where are you?

Yoongi: I haven’t seen you here all day.

Yoongi: I know it was something I said.

Yoongi: God, I’m so sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean any of the things I said last night.

      Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot to mention, but after I told him that he had too much to live for, a fight broke out. See, once again, all my fault. Just like everything is.

“Who are you to tell me what I have ahead of me?! He was my everything! I’m nothing without him, I don’t have anything left of him, and he was my best memory. I should’ve died, I should just go kill myself, maybe I’ll just crash this damn car, and go out like him! Maybe it’ll look like an accident, just like us.”

      I had never seen this side of him, but he obviously doesn’t like it. I hope he’s okay. I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.

      He went to Charlie and Violet, thinking that they would know. No one really knew.

      “Do you two know where (Y/N) is?” I can just imagine the worry in his eyes again.

      Charlie actually looked up from his phone for once, and calmly explained what he thought had happened to me.“Oh, she’s probably just off doing her things again. She’ll be back sooner or later, don’t fret. It’s just her.” I won’t be back.

      “Aren’t you at least a bit worried about her?”

      This time, Violet spoke up. “Really Yoongi, don’t worry. She’ll be okay, she just randomly travels sometimes, no one really knows when it happens or where she goes. But she always comes back.” Not this time.

      It had been weeks, months, even, since anyone had last seen me. Same for Yoongi. He had gone out to look for me, going back to every wandering place, back to my house, seeing every note I had written. He knew he was hot on my trail, seeing how every hint I gave was still fresh. He was still a bit too slow, though. He had finally come back to the place where everything was made official, where everything started fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Where the first butterflies had come in, where the first kiss had happened, where we had shared our first tears together - The Blue Hole. Quickly, he dug through the old, crumbled dirt, looking for that old tin. Finally, he found a mound of disturbed soil, and he pulled out the tin. Everything was still there and intact, except for the added Polaroid of us in front of the Blue Hole, and a note, a small note that read:

      To Yoongi, aka Sir Minty Yoonglz.

I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. You were my one and only lover, my first and my last, the only one who cared, and the best and worst decision that ever happened to me. I didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind. You worried about me too much. No one else worried enough.

From your lover, (Y/N), aka (N/N).

      That’s when he knew. That’s when he knew that the tears hitting the paper weren’t all some part of a terrifying nightmare, or that this wasn’t all normal for me to do, or that this wasn’t all a prank that would have over a million views on Youtube. That’s when he knew.

      He knew when he saw my body, floating lifelessly in the water, on the other shore of the Blue Hole. That’s when he knew he was too late, and that he had just missed me.

      That’s when he knew he lost the single thing that he had cared about.

      That’s when he knew he lost me.

I learned something very interesting about empathy. I learned that there is cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Jeffrey Dahmer struggled with cognitive empathy as he had trouble understanding the emotions of other people and misinterpreting what was really happening. He did have affective empathy because seeing somebody else’s high emotional reaction or distress would make him very upset. There was a moment(according to a former high school friend) when another boy tripped and fell down some steps while carrying some items. Jeffrey broke into laughter and saw it in a more cartoonish sense and perhaps watching the content roll or bounce on the ground looked comical to him. His friend, Derf Backderf took it as him being amused at someone else’s pain. Jeff evidently didn’t recognize that the boy was actually hurt and just thought the scene looked funny. There was an incident where he was riding with a friend and his friend was driving and purposely hit a dog and Jeff was hurt by that. Jeff also wanted to make sure his victims were unconscious before doing anything do them and did not want to see them suffer or in distress. He went through long extents to make sure the killings were as quick and painless as possible. He made himself drunk in order to muster the courage to kill and in the act up cutting open and dismembering their bodies.

He was too self-absorb to consider what those men and boys were feeling, what their desires were and how it would impact their loved ones once they were taken away. When Dahmer was being interrogated, he spoke of one incident with a teen boy where he attempted to knock him out by striking him on the back of the head with a rubber mallet. The teen was not knocked unconscious and reacted furiously going “Why did you do that??” and they got in a fight and it was very awkward. Jeff in his confessions lightly said “You know that what happens when you hit somebody, they get mad." They would probably be thinking "No shit, Jeff. What did you think would happen?” He must have been drunk when he was doing that and didn’t think that he could fail the attempt of knocking that boy out. Jeff reportedly became hysterical and cried when he realized that his family was going to know about his crimes and was terrified of what they would think and how they would react upon seeing him. He was crying and begging Detective Patrick Kennedy to end his life. 

anonymous asked:

hello~ may I have a woozi scenario where you're shorter than him (by 2 inches) and the members make fun of you guys in a playful way and just make it fluff :) thank you

You were spending the evening with the boys of Seventeen. Ever since you and Woozi got in a relationship you had become friends with the others as well. Both you and your boyfriend were helping out in the kitchen at the moment.
“Y/N, can you get the little bowls please?”, Mingyu asked, busy cooking.
But when you found the correct shelf you faced a little problem; you couldn’t reach it. You made yourself as long as possible, but it didn’t help at all. Why did the bowls have to be at the top shelf of all shelves?
“Ehm…”, you started.
Mingyu laughed a little when he saw you. The giant didn’t come to help you though. You gave him a death glare.
“And Woozi can’t even help you, ah what a tough life!”, he said, receiving a well deserved kick from your boyfriend. He then proceeded to get a chair which you could get on top of instead.
Later, after everyone had enjoyed their meal, you were sitting spread in the living room. Some were watching the TV lazily, others just talking.
“I wonder what happens when Woozi and Y/N are alone together. How do you reach things that are high up? Sit on each other’s backs? Get a ladder?”, Mingyu said, pretending to think hard about it.
“We’re not midgets, you know”, Woozi said and rolled his eyes. You were sitting next to each other on the couch, you resting your head on his shoulder with his arm around you.
“How do you pick up things from the ground? Or go through small spaces? You’ll probably get back problems soon”, you teased back, earning a high five from Woozi.
“You’ve hit your head in door frames a lot, you should probably worry about your head as well”, he then added.
The other members were enjoying the playful atmosphere a lot, laughing while watching you.
“Aisch, you two suit each other well”, Mingyu said as he surrendered.
Woozi pulled you closer and whispered to you, without the others hearing.
“Even if we have to get ladders, you know you’re the only one for me, right?”
You smiled and nodded.
“Good. I need you by my side if I’m gonna have to deal with that self-righteous giant.”

mega-dave  asked:

Dave swallowed as he got out the car, walking over to Kurt and standing next to him. He stayed silent, watching the flames rise high and smoke drift off into the night sky. "What happened?" He asked quietly, eyes not moving from the crumbling and blackened place that was falling in the flames. "What are we gonna do?.."

Kurt sniffles pathetically, barely hearing the car pull up or registering that Dace had stepped up next to him. He didn’t even register how cold he was. Watching what had been his only real home burn to the ground. He wiped at his face with his arm. Flinching when Dave spoke. “It… It… I…” He took a trembling breath. “I don’t know… They’re thinking it was arson.” He wiped at his face again, taking another deep breath. “I don’t know.” He cried. “I don’t know what were gonna do. Stay at a hotel I guess. Until…” He trailed off, staring at the ruin and staying silent. Unable to help the tears running down his face.