I know that other mental illnesses struggle too, but I’m very frustrated. Some mood disorders, personality disorders (not including schizoid personality disorder), adjustment disorders, panic disorders a fairly okay chance to go away since they aren’t chemical or can be completely managed by medication. I have bipolar one with mixed features and psychosis. Therapy is a tool to help me when it happens but cannot prevent anything and will not improve my disorder in the long run the same way. I will have this the rest of my life. I will be on anti-mania medication the rest of my life. If i have a child there’s almost a 50% chance they will bipolar or a mood disorder. I will destroy my body trying to save my mind. Lithium ruins your kidneys and liver. Mania damages your brain and the more you hallucinate the worse it gets. I’ve spent the last the last 6 years missing school to be sent to treatment facilities or hospitals. I went to a different high school every year. I was excited for college, i was supposed to have continuity. So now that i have gotten my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety worked through, I am now manic, psychotic, an insomnia during it, and delusional. I spent a year having 35 hours of therapy a week. Everything I’ve done still isn’t enough. I had to drop out of school for a quarter because i was psychotic and missed a ton of class. When i go back it is very possible it will happen again.
I’m not suicidal or unsafe at all, i just feel hopeless. Is this really what my life is going to be? I just want to chase the mania. For me it feels good and i don’t realize how terrible it is until its over.
I very much feel for people who have other mental illness that therapy can’t help until something goes wrong. Stay strong.
This is unrelated to the sims but, I just got made fun of because I can't do a single sit up; like, it's not my fault, in the past I injured my tailbone severely and now I get excruciating pains when I try to do a sit up. But my PE teacher thinks it's bullshit and he just told me to "Get your fat ass off the bench and do 20 sit ups or are you too stupid to stand up?" I love my school
hi i cant do a single push up!! im so proud of you for being able to do so much since having that injury, its no joke have you emailed your PE teacher and been like ‘uh hey this is what happened and id appreciated not being humiliated in front of my peers’ because you dont deserve to be treated like that, know that
1. A girl gave me a really nasty look at the beginning of the day with some snide remarks so I kept stealing her pens when she wasnt looking. All throughout the day the thing that came out of her mouth the most was “Can I have a new pen please? I dont know where my other one went”. I now have an extra 19 pens….
2. I went to Taco Bell and the new guy cashier asked me what I wanted while I was still in line preparing myself to order and I accidentally just yelled “SODA” at him and then started crying. He got his manager ans she comforted me and gave me a free taco and soda.
Pretty nice day. Gained a taco, free soda and some extra pens.
Sometimes I dont really know if I'm a victim of abuse. I'm really just scared I'm being overdramatic. But this seems like a place where I could try and recount all of what happened, just to see. My dad is a special guy. He expects me to be perfect, do sports, be perfectly thin and fit, have all A's (even though my high school is literally designed to CHALLENGE me) and be very obedient. When he sees that I have a B or C in a class, I get yelled at, called a failure or a disappointment. (Part 1)
(Part 2) He never hits me, but when I cry because his insults hurt my feelings, I’m called a crybaby, manipulative, or even histrionic (I do NOT have HPD). He claims that I try to manipulate him by crying, and that he “wont fall for that bullshit”. He treats my art (which I’m very attached to) like it’s garbage. I can show him my finest painting and he’ll be like “dont waste your time on this. Go do something of value”. He also likes to “tease” me about my weight.
(Part 3, last part) He “teases” me by saying I’m fat, that I need to exercise more, or that I need to stop eating so much. He claims its to help me but considering I’m nowhere near an unhealthy weight, it hurts. He always has these periods where he is super mean, and then after he tries to win you back over. I dunno, this really could me just overdramatizing like he said. Not that I havent accurately recounted what Ive expirienced, simply that I might think this is bad when its actually normal.
Anon, please believe me when I say this. You are the victim of severe emotional and psychological abuse, and your dad is a grade A gaslighter, making it hard for you to see the abuse that you are experiencing.
Your father is treating you like a piece of his property or an extension of himself which is completely unacceptable and abusive.
Expecting perfection from you is abusive. Screaming at you and insulting you when you fail to live up to his bullshit unreasonable standards is abusive.
Making you cry, making you feel worthless is abuse. Not respecting your interests and making you feel bad for them is abuse.
Calling you manipulative is gaslighting. He is literally projecting his own abusive behavior on to you and trying to make you think that you are the abuser.
“teasing” (read insulting and humiliating you) for your weight is abuse, whether or not you are of a healthy weight.
Anon, you are being seriously abused in ways that honestly remind me a lot of the abuse that I experienced myself.
Please, plesae don’t doubt that you are a victim, and don’t buy into your father’s gaslighting. Imagine if any other person were doing or saying these things to you. Would that be acceptable? Imagine if it was happening to a friend of yours.
What you are experiencing is absolutely serious abuse, and I hope that you can get away from it and start to recover as soon as possible.
Creepypasta #1010: My Best Friend Texted Me During A School Lockdown
This last May, my
high school had a lockdown. I was home sick at the time, so my knowledge of the
events that happened that day come mostly from what I have heard through
administrators and classmates after the incident, and the text messages I
received during it. The administrators haven’t disclosed much about the
situation, which is only making the rumours surrounding this worse.
After months of trying to make sense of all this, I am just tired and confused. Maybe
someone out there reading this can finally help me. I’ll try to provide as much background information as I can
in order for this to make sense.
I had been texting my best friend, Andrew, all
day while vegging out on my bed with Netflix playing in the background. He
first texted me about the lockdown at 11:27, which means he would have been in
his 4th hour Spanish class. Being that the seniors had just graduated, his class
was quite small - only 6 students besides him in it.
Below are some the texts
we sent to each other that day, starting at 11:27. L stands for my name,
Lindsey, and A stands for Andrew.
A: dude holy shit
A: REPLY LINDSEY
A: the school just went into lockdown
like a drill??? Or what?
A: I think its for real
A: the P.A. came on during class and said “students and
administrators please go into level three lockdown procedure. This is not a
A: like every ones in the corner
wait level three? Doesnt that mean someones in the building!?
shit man im shaking now the school better not be fucking with you all
A: its so quiet now
A: there isnt a sound in the entire building
A: this doesnt seem like they are faking us out
I just told my mom, she hasnt heard anything about it yet
A: I can hear someone walking down the hallway
A: probably the office people coming to let us out
what if it isnt??
A: seriously stop lindsey
A: u asshole
you probably have nothing to worry about though man
A: I can hear them going down the hallway turning all the
yeah thats what they do during a drill
make sure the teachers all locked em
A: they are talking
yeah then its definitely administrators
A: it doesnt make any sense
A: its all gibberish
A: I dont think its even in english
A: what the hell
drew you guys are okay though right? Your door is locked and lights off?
have they gone in any other classrooms?
A: my mom isn’t answering
A: some one next to me is crying
A: he’s outside my classroom
dont make a sound ok?
did he leave?
please text me back
He never responded. From what I have been told, the school
eventually came out of lockdown mode. When they went around to each classroom
to check in, Andrew’s classroom door was still locked. They called out to the
people inside, and received no response back.
Firefighters eventually knocked
the door down. When they got in, there was nobody inside. The whole classroom
offered no explanation as to where they are, or what happened. I guess most
people in town eventually moved on, shifted their attention elsewhere. It seems
as though nobody even cares anymore. But I still do, and I need answers. I need
to find my best friend.
Spoonie in first year university TIPS!! (please reblog incase someone out there is in need of this or has more tips to add.)
Hi! I wanted to start a little tip thing and update it every time I learn something new. I’m 17 and in my first year of university. I deal with chronic Lyme , fibromyalgia and just a lot of other pain related joint related stuff. They now say I might have ms but waiting for my brain MRI. I’m in constant pain and I have been for 3 years. it first started out in my right wrist, then my right knee , then all my joints and muscles and I get chronic muscle knots. I also deal with cognitive problems such as short term memory loss, brain fog, slurred speech, loss of concentration and few more that I can’t remember right now be they come and go. Everything comes and Go’s. The list goes on. And the story goes on. But I wanted to make an encouragement list for anyone out there that’s also in there first year of university, or in university in general and struggling to get through. Or anyone worried about going into university while being chronically ill. trying to get by on their own. In case you’re wondering my program is computer science which requires a lot of thinking :( , I’m a varsity athlete , I live 9 hours away from home and I live on campus.
PRE- 1) CONSIDER TAKING A YEAR OFF FOR TREATMENT OR REST:
Your Health comes first! Don’t ever let anyone tell you other wise!! I would have taken this chance but I didn’t. I love school and i wanted to take on the challenge.
1) CHOSE A SMALLER UNIVERSITY, YOU WILL STILL BE GETTING YOUR EDUCATION.. HONESTLY MAYBE THE NAME MATTERS TO SOME PEOPLE, BUT ITS ALL THE SAME LEVEL OF EDUCATION:
At a smaller university, you have access to many more things, your classrooms are smaller so theres a possibility of getting ALL your questions answered in class, theres less stress and more time to book office appointment with your profs with you need help.
2) YOU MUST ALWAYS FIRST SEEK ACCESSIBILITY HELP REGARDLESS OF YOUR SITUATION:
don’t be embarrassed about it, don’t be embarrassed to be put on disability, there there for you and to help you succeed the best you can. Even if you’re undiagnosed you should, still go and explain your undiagnosed process and how you’re still looking for answers. Don’t be rude or demanding . Be kind and gentle. Tell them how scared you are to fail due to your symptoms, how you don’t want to fail, how you don’t want your illness get in the way of your education. Tell them everything!
2) SIGN UP WITH THE SCHOOL COUNSELLOR!!:
Again please don’t be embarrassed, we all need someone we can talk about about our pain, everything we go through, the symptoms we face, and things that lower our moods. If it’s your first time with a counsellor you might hate it, you won’t wanna go, you won’t want your friend knowing, you’ll think it’s a waste of time, your appointments might be 2 weeks apart but PLEASE!! Still do it!!! And talk the best you can. Tell them how you feel and how it affects you. If you’re like me and sometimes you just can’t talk, write down your responses on a piece of paper or your phone then show them. Trust me it doesn’t look bad. The fact that you’re getting help makes you a super human!
4) LET YOUR PROFESSORS KNOW!:
Some people don’t want anyone one knowing. And don’t want to talk to their profs. It doesn’t make you look dumb but rather a genius because you struggle on a daily basis but you’re doing everything u can to guide you. Professors are surprisingly so much nicer than you’d think. But please don’t use this as a way of lying and getting compassion. Be honest of how you really feel. For me : I really want to be here at school, one doctor of mine told me I should take a year off to get a little better but I’ve loved school since day 1, I got into all universities I applied for! And I picked the smallest one because I know with my symptoms of need help and frequent meetings with my professor.
5) DON’T BE AFRAID TO TAKE EXTENSIONS:
you’re fighting for your life back every single day! The least you do is accept the help offered to you. It won’t make you look dumb.. and you’ll have more time to atleast try to think harder. But please don’t take this as an advantage. But we spoonies are great and we’d never do this right?? Good :)
6) REST REST REST!!
don’t worry about the parties!! Don’t let your self feel isolated because you can’t go to parties…Instead sleep! Resting is so good for us. Well if your insomnia is not kicking in. Even if it’s just laying down and listening to music. Walking so much is so hard. ALWAYS REST! WHO CARES!
7) TRY TO LOOK FOR FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN TRUST!
I have 2 of them! There’s a Facebook page that always goes around for your university, the summer before school starts where you post introductions and meet others. I met Hailey through there! We’re not in the same program or residence but I messaged her saying hey and now we’re bffs. I met Cassidy when I was on my way to our introduction assembly and she was sitting by self so I said hey and asked her what program she was in then after the assembly since she was only with one other girl I asked them if they wanted to walk arround ! Now we’re best friends! Yes not everyone is good at making friends but being a frosh makes it easier because almost everyone else also doesn’t have friends. Once you think you have great friends tell them about your illness and thank them for being there :)
8) PHYSIO PHYSIO PHYSIO!!
make an appointment with your school physiotherapist.. Tell them everything! End of story !
9) SCHOOL NURSE!!
same thing goes there!! Tell you wanted to get to know who they were also to describe the symptoms you go through I case anything ever happens.
10) REZ SUPERVISOR :
Not everyone has to know but if you’re living on campus tell your Rez supervisor know what you’re going through invade anything ever happens. Because of this she helped rush me to the hospital when I was in an unbearable amount of pain a few weeks ago.
11) TAKE YOUR MEDS!!:
WRITE REMINDERS ON EVERYTHING.. OHMYGOD MY WORST DAYS ARE WHEN I FORGET!!
12) IF YOU CAN’T GET YOUR HOMEWORK DONE BECAUSE OF YOUR SYMPTOMS THATS WHERE THE ACCESSIBILITY SERVICES AT YOUR SCHOOL CAN HELP YOU OUT. SO DONT STRESS!!
13) ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT ITS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY!
as spoonies we are given a new way of living, we have to take caution for everything we do. we have a new “normal”. though it is hard to accept at times and it is hard. its there. we have to listen to our bodies. we may put off a show but sometimes we break. we break all the time because we can’t do the things we used to, because we want our lives back. i hate to see people lose the ability to complete their education because of their illness. and please if you had to leave school because you were ill, always remember that its not your fault. and theres so much more out there for you. maybe you really wanted to study something and maybe one day you will be able to again. as spoonies everything comes with a challenge but we are strong and we can do this. we can fight it and we can help each other stay strong. being a university student and being chronically ill is not fun at all but i can do it. i will not let my illness get in the way of my education. and if one day it does i just have to remember that its okay to not be okay. sometimes we have to stay back for a while to focus more on whats important and thats our health. we are all distinct for greatness even if we can’t see it sometimes , but one day we will. we have to believe in ourselves and we have to believe in the possibility of feeling better one day in the near/far future. one day.
so in cambodia, sex education is super shitty. like they dont tell you shit. and back in the 90s, we dont really have internet at home. and i never really get access to internet porn until like 10th grade. so i think around 8th grade, i tried to learn about sex as much as i can from like textbooks and magazines. i remembered reading about a kid being molested in the news. like he was describing what happened. so i tried to figure out how that worked since i didn’t really understand the terminology being used in the article. so i thought you were supposed to just pull back the foreskin and just wait. and that’s what i did. what a dumbass i was.
and i dont remember exactly how i learned to jack off. i just remembered that i got some hands-on practices with another curious friends later on that same grade.
Hey love... I hope I'm not a bother but I was just wondering when the next time you'll be posting is? Also what is the next thing you are planning on posting? I'm sorry if I bother you:(
ANONS DONT BOTHER ME EVER 💙 I was hoping to upload last Sunday but I was having some complications with family and then I was feeling sad and I didn’t want to write because my work wouldn’t be good. And then this tragedy in Manchester happened that took my any hope in writing and one kid from my school kill himself jumping out high building and I knew him and this makes me really traumatized and sad. I’m planning to upload on the weekend: Friday or Sunday again. I’m gonna upload STARVING PART 3 AND DADDY’S GIRL AND MAYBE IDK SOMETHING MORE BUT I’M NOT SURE
I had the fucking weirdest dream where I was stuck in a new girl episode but like it was set at my school and zoey deschel was just being the most and one of my friends is blind so she was like “I see have color perception so when ever I see a bright red thing I dont run bc I know its her and not a ghost” THEN I had a dream about fucking fast and furious bc like its tron + cool cars + death race. Anyway the whole time I thought I was going to fucking die bc thats what happens to people when a person on another team passes them. Anyway I legit thought I killed like seven people and the Ed out that I didnt it was all in the computer it was from I was being played by some emo SciFi kid that lived on one of Jupiter’s moon…but he fucking was a genius and pulled me out of the game and suddenly I was helping him with his boy problems and it was…a lot to deal with honestly
actually putting a read more, cause spoilers
(Now im no EXPERT in mental illness but being a long time sufferer i know a few things from many doctor visits and a hospital stay after my last suicide attempt, so get ready to at least get something out of this)
Me (when the 100 is on):
Fuck its killing me. I dont need this extra stress make it stop. I hate everything. Fuck this show.
Me (after the finale):
*gross sobbing* At least ill have time for school and work and social life
Me (on hiatus):
I miss Raven. Bellamy. Clarke. All my children. When will they return. *reads all the fics i can find* *spend half my time talking about the 100 and thinking about what will happen next season*
i'm graduating college in ~2 years and i dont know why but i've recently started to become really anxious about what happens after college. of course there's the worry of finding a job but i'm also worried about my social life. college is what gets me out of my apartment to socialize and without it i'm afraid i'll have nobody. and with college i can see my old friends during break but when we're all graduated who knows where they'll be? who knows where i'll be? i'm just scared.
The fact is, you don’t know what will happen when you finish college, and that is scary, but it doesn’t mean that everything is going to be worse. Right now, college is what gets you out of the house, but maybe after college you’ll have a job that gets you out of the house, or maybe you’ll make an effort to find other ways to socialise, like making plans with friends, or taking up a new hobby. Right now, you see your old friends during breaks, but maybe after college some of you will end up back in your hometown (or in the same city together) more permanently, and you’ll spend more time together, or maybe you’ll move somewhere new and meet new friends, and visit your old friends when you can. You just don’t know. But if you know what you want (e.g. you want to do something that motivates you to socialise, you want to keep in touch with your old friends), then you can plan to make those things happen.
You’re in control of your life, and you don’t have to sit passively and wait for college to finish and leave you with no purpose. You can start figuring out what your options are, so that when you do graduate, you’ll feel more prepared.
well i managed to plan a lesson for today (including writing a text bc my kids cant read anyhing written for high school) in less than half an hour, so thats a win!
but ugh today is going to be a long day. i got 9 hours of sleep last night but im still super tired, and i dont really know what’s happening in my cotaught class or in our afternoon meeting and basically i just want to be at home in my bed not talking to anybody lol. I’m trying to remember that i have some really lovely children here who i want to spend time with and help to learn … but it’s hard to get back into school mode when im just physically and socially exhausted.
but ok ive got 2.5 classes until lunch thats not too bad. and then its just a meeting and 1 more class. i can do this.
is it bad to pursue an art degree when you dont have your own particular style of drawing? i draw mainly on reference but i hope to break out of that and form my own style as i draw more and more
I think more than anything it’s important to find what aspect of art really excites you and what you enjoy creating. When you are starting out, foundations are much more important than trying to find a style. Style is just what happens when you know the rules first and then play with bending and breaking those rules. Its an expensive decision to go to an art school and try to figure out what you want to do (imho) Especially since there are so many resources available online to pursue whatever it is you want to learn.
Art school is still a valid path I just think you should take the time to figure out what exactly it is you want to do with that art degree.
and the obvious answer to all of this is to practice drawing all the time, fall in love with drawing, and stay curious. Artistic growth stops when you think you know it all.
Sorry this is a pretty scattered reply I hope it helps.
How is it possible to diagnose anxiety? And where can I go and find put if i have it? Because I really think that i do have it but i dont know where to go and check myself because it's really starting to affect my school work and professors need to know why im doing so badly
I will post a reputable anxiety inventory for you. Have a look at it and if your scores a high then take it with you to your doctor. It will be helpful to take with you because then what you are experiencing will be there on paper in front of you, so you won’t forget things. Which happens when you are anxious. All the best. - @askdoctorknow
1) I don’t like pie. There’s just too much goo on the inside and all the substance is concentrated on the outside so if just feels all weird when I eat it
2) I love yogurt, so so much. It’s like ice cream but healthier so i can eat it all the time and feel like a responsible adult.
3) When I was about 9/10 years old I watched Harry potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and developed an intensive fear of werewolves. I had nightmares for weeks afterwards,you know the usual family members turning into werewolves and chases you, a random werewolf chasing you, or you turning into one yourself, all that good stuff. but yea I’m good now but imagine my delight and surprise when Pilot came up with the ml spooky au.
4) I major in psychology, going on to third year after this semester.
5) I hope to do something with my art. Maybe get a diploma or do some online schooling for illustration or concept art. Not really sure how or when I should start actively pursuing it thou.I dont want to just drop out of my current degree cuz I actually enjoy it, so I guess i’ll just wait and see what happens.
6) I have a lucky pink highlighter I use when studying. So when i rewrite my notes i write in pink and take the highlight to the exam hoping I can use it as a retrieval cue.
7) I love snow, its so nice to look at and i feel great whenever I go out even though its super cold, I was practically born in it being a December baby.
8) I can’t finish carbonated drinks. I wasn’t allowed to drink any as a kid so now I cant tolerate more then a few sips
9) I got a beauty mark on the side of my nose
10) I got an A in my first uni psych class out of spite to prove to some random classmate wrong. and now that i think about it i may have taken her comment the wrong way but boy I was pissed
5 Otps: (in no particular order)
- Djwifi (surprise surprise)
- Katara X Aang from Avatar( i think they were one of my first otps)
- Frank X Hazel from The Hero’s of Olympus
- Ferbel crossover ship shot me bruh
- the entire miraculous class, platonically or romantically I dont care everyone loves each other okie