this is what comes of too much post series fanfic

bwoodlover  asked:

Do you have any fanfics planned for the nearby future?

Well, I’m currently posting my fanfic, ‘Until We Get There’. After that, I have to post a oneshot called ‘Soft Middle’, since I promised it to someone here on tumblr and I don’t break promises.

The ‘Pillow Talks’ series is still ongoing, and so is another series that is coming up in the queue named, ‘What Cosmo Didn’t Say’ that is about sexual exploration from Jackie’s POV. That was fun to write.

Just recently, I decided to stop writing in english since it turns out too much work for me. English is my third language, it costs me a lot to write because I never had a single english class, I had to learn by reading books online, fanfics and playing videogames from years in fandom.

It’s hard to translate an idea into english and then realize that it doesn’t make sense in said language. My grammar is bad, and it’s really difficult to find a beta that coul actually help me and who would actually check and read the fanfic.

Betaing is a lot of work and I hate having to bother people, and sometimes schelude is bad for both parts and it becomes a mess. And then… the people.

I’m asked to be perfect and deliver masterpieces as if english was my first language. The amount of people that come to me saying things like “good idea, horrible grammar, you need to write better” is just exhausting. I’m so damn tired, man. So tired.

And finally, that’s the other thing. I get little positive reactions to the stories. Most people that seem to read them are pretty silent about it and they only react when I say things like “I’m not gonna write anymore”, as if that could actually change my mind. But it won’t. 

Because I’m really hurt, because I’m so, so tired, and when I asked for help or for positive comments, only my friends responded. It feels like shouting to the void and I don’t like that feeling, it makes me feel smaller than I am and bigger writers and artist tell me things like “it will get better” but every day it gets worse, and worse.

I’m not here to be beated down, so I just step aside. It was good until it wasn’t, that’s how life is.

I’m very sorry about it, though. I never thought it would come to this.