Quick fact. Ready?
Corpses of those that exist in today’s society take longer to decompose than they have in the past.
Why? Because, with far more preservatives being put into our food, we are consuming more of them, and with this our body as a whole is also preserved for a longer period of time after we die.
hammering headaches fueled by deprivation (can’t find my glass of aspirin) i can’t taste the sunlight on my burnt tongue my eyes are heavy and weak and i just wanna see the grass weaving between my toes people passed me by but i couldn’t feel their footsteps vibrating the cement the smell of gasoline fills the air matches lying on the street fire crackling on the white lines but my feet won’t move lost in a city i once knew with my eyes closed i can feel her aroma lingering on my clothes but the fire burned the perfume and her steel-toed boots melted into a steely heart (much like mine) left without a trace (just like all those times before)
Okay I’m going into what I call nostalgic mode for a second.
So the first YouTubers I ever avidly watched were Jack and
Finn Harries. Like, I was obsessed after the first video. This was back in
2012, my freshman year of high school. Through Jack and Finn I found Caspar.
Through Caspar I found Marcus and through Marcus I found Alfie and, well, you
can imagine how the rest goes.
All through high school I grew up with Joe, Zoe, Alfie,
Marcus, Jim, Tanya, Caspar, Louise, and eventually Niomi. You have no idea how
much that group meant to me. It was so weird because at that time I didn’t
really know what it was like to be obsessed with celebrities or to fangirl or
whatever. I had only just gotten into One Direction but this was so different.
This was YouTube. This was just normal people talking to me through their
camera. One Direction was a group of big popstars I could never touch. YouTube
felt real and close and personal, like I
could do what they were doing if I wanted and if I couldn’t, they were still
just normal people that I’d probably be able to meet someday.
My point is, I just watched this video and got sooooo deep
in my feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the buttercreams with all my heart
and I’m so happy that The YouTube Crew has gone their own ways and done their
own successful thing. It’s just, I SO MISS that group. I think about the lad’s
holiday in Italy and I think about the big LA trip where they all got a house
together and I just think, wow, things were so different back then, so much
simpler. No drama no book deals no fallen out friendships or relationships. No
one was too big or too successful, they were all just a bunch of friends trying
to figure out this crazy platform. So much love in the community and so many
good friendships that I grew up watching.
I also wonder though if the reason I miss that group is
because I associate that group with who I was at that time. I miss the carefree
14 year old I once was. I was so happy back then. Literally nothing brought me
down. So when I think about that group I think about being 14 and happy again.
So I’m like, am I nostalgic for the way they were in 2012 or am I nostalgic for the way I was in 2012? Honestly it all blends
together now that I can’t tell the difference. I think that it’s the latter
because I just think about how those friendships were ones I really looked up
to and it was cool to watch them all grow as I did. So I think when I miss that
group I miss the feeling I got when I watched them together. I miss the
starting days of Zalfie and I miss Narcus and I miss Amity Fest and I miss how
that group made me feel. They made me feel like someday I’d have a group like
that. The buttercream boys (like I said, I love them to death) don’t make me
feel that way. They make me feel like all I have to look forward to are parties
and hook ups, and that’s not what I like. I liked how The YouTube Crew made me
feel like someday I’d have friends I could just be silly with and travel the
world and make memories that would last a lifetime. I love the buttercreams but
for a reason entirely different than the reason I love the old crew. And that’s
totally okay! It’s just I often wish I could turn back time just for a little
while and go back to 2012/2013 and remember what it was like to watch The
YouTube Crew for the first time.
I don’t know if that even makes any sense and I don’t wanna
be one of those whiney kids who’s like “oh I miss the old YouTube” but… idk. I
love this YouTube, I really do, but I just get so deep in nostalgia land that I
often miss what once was.
okay, so what is really hard for me to explain sometimes is that i really love canon verse harry potter and the relationships within the canon verse, but i also love my au canon verse and the relationships there.
so when i’m asked what my top ships are in general i’m like.. what category are you talking about?? because i would say my “true” otps are probably canon verse relationships since they are outside of my own mind and i really appreciate them, but i love au canon verse relationships so much and they’re otps in my mind cause i created them to be so. does that make sense?
so it is really hard for me to answer questions of “what my otp” is at times because there are like two completely different categories. so if you’re wanting to know what my otps are, you should specify which universe you’re curious about cause the answer truly varies.
I have always felt so responsible. Like weight of the world responsible. And my parents always relied on me to watch over my sister, so the few times that I ever did anything for myself, it ended badly. And then Supergirl went missing and I just, I blew a gasket and…