this is too ugly

A snapshot

Liam and Theo becoming really good friends after the war, spending a lot of time together and they even go to the same college after graduating high school, moving in together, all that jazz. But Theo has this crush on Liam that gets stronger and stronger every day and he knows Liam just sees him as a friend and Theo ignores it at first, thinking his crush will go away, but it just gets painful and far more than just a crush after a while. Because Liam grew up and he’s not the baby beta anymore, he likes to meet people and he likes to flirt with people, go on dates with them, have sex with different people and to see that just hurts Theo more and more.

He gets jealous, can’t keep his snippy comments to himself more and more, and they get into a big fight about this one day. Liam doesn’t understand what is wrong with his friend and they yell at each other, cuss and scream, until Theo’s shoulders sag and he looks at Liam all hopeless and sad, letting out a “Why don’t you want me? Why am I not good enough for you?” in a complete broken voice because Theo can’t be strong anymore and pretend everything is okay. He’s tired. He knows it will destroy their friendship but he just can’t fake it anymore. 

Liam looks at him, completely frozen in shock, and Theo’s shoulders hunch even more because he knows that’s it, so he turns around and walks out of the room, right into his own room where he grabs his bag and starts packing some things. He will get the other things after he found an apartment on his own, he will only take the bare necessities. Space is what he needs.

 He doesn’t even realize he’s crying while packing until suddenly Liam bursts into the room, wide-eyed and frantic, and he grabs Theo’s bag and yanks it away from him to stop him from packing and then yells at Theo that he can’t go. That he needs Theo and he can’t let him leave. Liam’s actually begging at the end, crying too, and Theo knows he should leave, protect his own heart, but he hears the way Liam’s heart races in his chest and the way his breathing quickens and how he shakes and he realizes Liam is close to a full-blown panic attack, so he wraps his arms around Liam to stop him from panicking completely and that’s when Liam really breaks down, hysterical crying and still begging Theo not to leave. 

They sink to the floor and Theo desperately tries to console Liam but he is at his wit’s end because he never saw Liam like this before. An angry Liam he can handle, but this hysterical Liam is something he never expected to happen. He is scared something will happen to Liam because he’s still panicking and breathing so fast, so Theo just holds him. “Liam, you need to breathe! Breathe, Liam!” He mutters over and over again and finally Liam calms down, his breathing slows down but he’s still weeping and then he raises his head and looks at Theo, grabbing his face to keep him right there, again begging him not to leave. “You can’t leave! You can’t leave me alone. I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel all the love I have for you. I’m sorry you didn’t see how head over heels I am for you.” He says over and over again because it’s clearly his fault Theo thinks Liam doesn’t want him. He wasn’t clear enough, he didn’t give away how hard he fell for Theo years ago and that he loved him all those years.

Theo stares at him, trying to figure out how Liam means it, if he’s just saying it to keep Theo, but he can’t hear any lie and when he finally look at Liam’s face again, into his eyes, he sees the truth; he sees what fools they both had been for not realizing they love each other and thinking their love was not reciprocated. 

Theo kisses him right then and there. It’s messy and ugly because they are both still crying and too riled up to actually settle for a real kiss but it sparks something inside them both and they wrap their arms around each other afterward and just hold each other until finally moving to the bed after what feels like hours. They fall asleep wrapped around each other, with Theo’s bag still tossed on the floor and the curtains still open but they just care about each other.

When they wake up a few hours later its dark out there and they just lay in bed and look at each other for a while, until Liam smiles softly. “I love you.” He whispers and Theo smiles back. “I love you too.” He whispers back and they kiss each other again, soft and sweet this time, without any tears. When they pull apart, Liam chuckles. “Can this be our real first kiss?” He asked and Theo nods with a happy laugh before pulling Liam into his arms, not intending to let him go ever again. Liam raised his head and they kiss again and again and again; small and sweet kisses who steadily get longer and more intimate by every passing second. Hands slip under t-shirts, wander over soft skin and worship the other’s body before clothes finally get shed, lips travel and they have sex for the first time ever. No, not having sex, they make love, slow and intimate, with whispered “I love you”’s and when they finally curl together after reaching their high they both are happier than ever before. They drift off to sleep, arms wrapped around each other and legs tangled together.

Morning comes and they decide to skip classes and call in sick for work just so they can stay in bed and cuddle and map out each other’s bodies like they always wanted to. 

stop hyping up abusive and unhealthy relationships and saying shit like ‘it’s not love if it doesn’t hurt’ or 'we fight because we love each other’ or 'i lied to them to protect them’. that shit is high key unhealthy and detrimental to one’s mental health. love is not about pain and grief, stop acting like it is and then glamourizing it.

10

find your own little spitfire

                                         …one who won’t let you get away with nothin’