this is too damn early

Christmas on the Enterprise

For @conduitstr. Girl we talked so extensively about Christmas on the Enterprise already, but here you go:

  • So Christmas is no longer really celebrated because wtf, we’re way past that. Besides, they’re months into space with no big floating shopping malls, this isn’t Futurama. And yet, when Uhura and Spock make their way to the Bridge first, there’s a present for both of them, wrapped in actual Christmas wrapping paper. Uhura unwraps hers and it’s just a small statue that’s actually from Africa to add to her collection. Spock’s present is a warm sweater. 
  • “Who still hands out Christmas presents? What century is this?” Chekov asks as he enters the Bridge and sees Spock and Uhura interact with their presents. On his own work station a bottle of expensive Russian whiskey is waiting, with a little card that says “Don’t hide me in lockers. Merry Christmas! x
  • Sulu finding different plant seeds. Scotty and Keenser receiving brand new tools to tinker with. Jaylah receives a notebook with years upon years of Starfleet Academy notes to help her with her studies, all messily written on PAPER like it’s some real 21st century shit. 
  • and Leonard walks out of his quarters all grumpy and tired, and then suddenly hands grip on his shoulder and he’s turned around. Before he can react to it, Jim wraps a scarf around his neck and he uses it to pull the other man in closer, kissing him softly. “Merry Christmas, Bones.” Not just that. He hands Leonard his PADD, displaying a Merry Christmas message from Joanna. Leonard watches it in silence. “You arranged this?” He asks, and Jim shrugs casually, but his grin is wide. Somewhat smug. Definitely excited. Leonard leans in to kiss him again, but Jim leans away instead. “Wait,” Jim says, and he holds a piece of mistletoe over his own head. “Now go.” Leonard rolls his eyes. “No, you ruined it.” And he turns to walk away, scarf still around his neck. Jim looks briefly disappointed, barely time to process being rejected a kiss before Leonard’s changed his mind and he kisses Jim anyway.
  • Jim uses the mistletoe on literally everyone, and he gets so many kisses out of it too. He kisses Spock, full on the mouth, before the other even understands what’s happening. He leans in for Uhura too, but when she gives him that look, he ends up just kissing her cheek. Sulu’s does kiss him, shamelessly so, just short and sweet. Jim has to chase Chekov down the corridors for one, but he still ends up getting that kiss when he traps Chekov between a wall and himself. Chekov gets surprisingly into it. Scotty and Keenser just both kiss his cheeks at the same time. Jaylah doesn’t understand it.
  • Jim’s drinking mulled wine (how’d he even get his hands on that?) all day.
  • Jim also arranges an actual dinner with his Bridge crew, Bones, Scotty, Keenser and Jaylah. There is actual food, it’s decent. Made perfect by the company. There’s laughter, there’s mulled wine, and there’s just a big, wacky family. 
  • And Jim’s definitely drunk by the end of the night, but it’s pleasantly so. He feels warm inside when Leonard walks him back to his quarters. “You know you didn’t have to do all that,” Leonard says, and Jim nods. “I wanted to. For my family.” And Leonard just kisses the side of his head, pulling Jim inside his quarters.
  • Christmas is no longer celebrated. Jim just wanted to do something nice. Cue his surprise when Leonard and him stumble into his bedroom, and there’s just a small pile of presents waiting for Jim. “Oh- what?” Jim asks, looking up at Leonard in confusion. “Enjoy your presents, Jim.” Leonard says, and he sits down on bed. Jim climbs on with him.
  • Ironically, Chekov’s given him a bottle of whiskey, too, with a card saying: “Please don’t steal my alcohol, have your own. Merry Christmas!”. Chamomile tea from Sulu. A “Best Captain” mug from Uhura. A necklace from Spock (“D'you think it’s a tracking device, too?” Jim asks. “I hope so,” Leonard replies). There is a toy space ship of the Enterprise from the Engineering crew and Jaylah. One he can actually put apart and puzzle back together. It’s a great stress release toy.. Leonard gives him a bottle of Scotch, too. And Jim’s happy with that. It’s great. 
  • But then Leonard hands him more. A small photo album, an actual tangible thing. There’s a picture of Jim and Leonard together in the academy. Taking a deep breath, Jim leans back against Leonard’s chest, and he’s just going through the photos. One of Jim beating Spock at chess. Jim and Chekov helping Jaylah study. Jim and Uhura on shore leave wearing matching leather jackets. Jim helping Sulu out in his gardening room. Scotty and Keenser arguing with Jim down at engineering. Chekov and Jim on the transporter (Chekov really doesn’t look happy about it). Spock and Jim in a heated discussion in rec room. And some selfies of Leonard with Jim unconscious in med bay. Some of the two of them drinking in the ship’s bar. One of Jim asleep with his face just buried in Leonard’s neck. “How did you even get all these photos?” Jim asks, in awe. Leonard shrugs. “You’re not the only one secretly planning gifts months in advance.” Jim huffs out a laugh, turning the page of the photo album to an empty page that simply reads: “For the future”. 
  • When they’re in bed, Jim forces himself even more into Leonard’s personal space than usual. “I can’t believe you got me Christmas presents. An actual photo album, too. You’re such an old man.” He says, but he’s grinning widely, and Leonard leans in to kiss him. “Like you weren’t tearing up about it in the bathroom.” “I wasn’t!” “You were.” Jim gives up with a grunt, and Leonard reaches out to run his thumb just over Jim’s cheek. “Merry Christmas, Jim.” “You too,” Jim says, “Same time next year?” “Please don’t.”
3

the other one needs encouragement too, senpai! or we’ll just leave him to mochi

[this is a scheduled post]

draco is the kind of person that likes to sleep in and snuggle deeper into the sheets when the morning sun peeks through the windows
harry is the kind of person that has never been able to sleep for too long and as such, while he enjoys not having to get up in the morning, usually wakes way before his partner does
sometimes he just lies in bed and looks at him, reads a book or does some paperwork and sometimes he gets up and has an early brekfast or walks their dog
and that domesticity is fucking sugary
but i also like to imagine them as elderly people

harry still doesn’t sleep much
but now draco has to get up early too because of his damn bladder and he is the grumpiest old man there ever was simply because he wants to sleep but can’t.
and that is just hilarious.

7

hE DArEs coMe iNTo MY HOUSE WITH THIS BULLCRAP

Let’s be honest though, I probably was going to pull an all nighter anyway. But thanks to Max, now I’m spending it trying to make sure he doesn’t kill off any more people in this AU.

I feel like Dragon Age and Dishonored would cross over fairly easily. 

I mean, think about it.  Dishonoured takes place in an isolated archipelago; people refuse to explore the nearby continent, Pandyssia, because it is full of unspeakable horrors.  You know what continent is full of unspeakable horrors?  Thedas, with its abominations and its blood mages and its Qunari and it Blights. 

Thousand of years ago, the people of the islands sacrificed a young boy to create a powerful demon/spirit/leviathan – the Outsider – that would suppress unregulated magic keep their land free of elf bullshit.  The mages didn’t like it so they packed up and left to found Tevinter. 

The Outsider is capable of doing this because being The Outsider is literally his job.  He feeds off the isolation of the islands and of the chosen few he permits to contract with.  Cetacean body parts have fantastical properties because the pods in that area are escaped spirits from his area of the Fade/Void. 

Alls I’m saying is that I would fully support a crack crossover where Solas desperately attempts to conceal reports about that one time he got beaten up by a whale. 

Parker’s gearing up for Christmas right now and I just think that’s wonderful.

She made Eliot cut down a real tree from a real forest and drag it home, and Hardison has downloaded every Christmas song ever made into a playlist for her. Hardison has turned his great costume-making skills into updating Parker’s Christmas-themed costume wardrobe. Eliot is telling Parker it’s too damn early to make Christmas cookies but he has started comparing recipes, getting ready for the inevitable day.

Parker’s gone in a multi-national, high stakes robbery spree for new Christmas decorations and gifts. But don’t worry. She’s planning jobs in those locales as well, so she’s doing good things too while she’s stealing from the immensely wealthy.

I bet Parker has an advent calendar on the wall. Actually I bet she has multiple because one piece of chocolate per day seems like a bad deal. And she is ready and waiting for December first, because she wants her chocolate.

((based on this au bc i literally cannot stop screaming abt it, nsfw under the cut))

“Nice ass,” Levi blurts out without really even thinking, his eyes glued on to the ample curve of Eren’s ass. He just so happens to be laying on his stomach in such a position that causes his boxers to hitch up a little, exposing the lovely crease where his round buttocks meet the softness of his thighs. Honestly, he’s just lazing around in his sleepwear with a serious case of bedhead, definitely not trying to be so alluring on purpose, yet here Levi is, so entranced that all he can do is stare.

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Chocolate chips

Characters: Dean, Sam (briefly), Reader

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: None

Words: 1400

A/N: I hope you all like it, the whole day I tried to write something down but couldn’t get anything done until now and it’s really short but fluffy as hell. Anyways thanks for reading! Requests are open. 

Forever tag:@deathtonormalcy56
want to be tagged? just send me an ask and I’ll tag you on my next fics ❤

“Good morning, sleeping beauty” you heard Dean’s voice coming from the other side of the kitchen as you walked in. 

“It’s still too damn early, why do we need to be up at this unholy time?” your voice was raspy and low, your eyelids felt heavy and your limbs still numb, it was 6 am and you hated with a passion being wakened up early. 

“Tell me about it, I’ve been awake since 5 am just because Sam wanted to make sure I was fully aware by the time he gets back,” Dean said as he flipped the pancake he had on the pan in front of him. 

“What a douche, where is he anyway?” As soon as you said that you crossed your arms on the table and used them as a pillow. 

“He is doing his daily run, he told me to wake you up as soon as he left but I couldn’t put you through that” Dean turned around with two plates, each had a pair of pancakes. He placed one in front of you and then sat beside you. 

“Thanks” you simply said lifting your head and your eyes went open wide when you saw your food. “Oh my god, thank you” 

“No problem, yours have chocolate chips. Just like you like them” Dean said before taking a big piece of the pancake to his mouth. 

“Oh my god, you’re the best Dean. I love you” you said without looking him in the eye, just getting lost on your meal. 

Dean almost choked on his food, his eyes didn’t know where to look, his neck and ears felt hot. All of a sudden his knees felt weak and he felt disorientated, never in a million year, he thought he would get to hear you say “I love you” to him but you just said and it was nothing to you. 

“Damn right, I’m awesome,” he said but not as playful as you, he seemed even nervous and he was staring profoundly to his pancakes. 

“You know that if you want to eat that you’ll need to put it in your mouth” you joked as you took another bite of your pancake. 

“Yeah, I’m not hungry anymore,” he said and pushed his plate to the side and as he was about to get up you tried to hold his arm but he avoided your touch and looked down. 

“Dean, what’s going on?”

“I need to get ready, (Y/n). You should do it too, enjoy your food” he said turning his back to you and walked away. 

“Thanks…” you said underneath your breath and you felt your heartbreak. It felt amazing to see him making breakfast for you and even more when you knew he had prepared your favorite kind of pancakes, of course, you knew he did it just because he is your best friend, right? That’s what best friends do, you knew he didn’t felt anything more than friendly love towards you while you felt everything for him. 

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man some people in the little mix fandom have gone stirfry crazy - calling themselves fans then slutshaming the girls for writing songs about sex and embracing their sexuality in the new music video. why is it that female empowerment only works if you’re someone who is more demure in nature or more stereotypically feminine? the girl next door type? but what about the women that don’t fit into that mold? what is so fundamentally wrong with women embracing their sexuality, talking about sex and being sexy? as long as it’s their choice to do so then all for it! isn’t it time that women weren’t shamed for being sexual? because i hate to break it to you, we are sexual. there are women out there who do love sex, want to talk about sex, want to act sexy, want to be in control of their sexuality, are the dominant partner in a relationship, and they are no less better than the women who don’t. it’s that age old feminist argument all over again – is it more feminist to be a career-driven independent woman than a housewife? well fucking no because the whole point about feminism is equality between the sexes, giving agency back to women to do whatever the fuck they want to do. if they want to be housewives, hell yeah to them! if they wanna be career-driven women, hell yeah to them too! if they want to be sexual, super hell yeah! if they want to wait till marriage, hell yeah again! and if they don’t want to have sex at all, triple hell yeah!! 

honestly these pseudo-feminist warriors need to grow the fuck up or pick up a book on feminism or something. or maybe just learn to mind their own damn business.