this is the work of satan i bet

Garrison Headcanons

Lance, staring at his textbook: I’m so done I’m going to drop out and work at McDonald’s when the fuck am I ever going to need to know the quadratic formula I’m going to drop out what kind of shit-



Literally everyone else during a test: omg, Keith is probably nailing this test I bet he didn’t even study he’s so cool

Keith: Is currently sacrificing an animal cracker in the bathroom to Satan in hopes of striking a deal



Lance: Pidge,Iverson left his Facebook open on his laptop let’s post the entire script of the Bee Movie

Pidge: Nah,I did that last week



Keith, coming into class late, pours an entire monster into his cup of coffee: I’m going to die

Shiro: *reaching for the cup* we die like men



Iverson at Lance: This is third crash this week,cadet,can you even fly straight?!

Lance: Well sir, you see-



Lance: Pidge, my man, light of my life, best bro in the universe, best damn genius pilot of the garrison

Pidge: I’m not broadcasting All Star over the intercoms so you can get out of detention


Keith: *breathes*

Lance: Really? In front of my salad??


Lance and Keith both sneak down to the mess hall for a midnight snack and catch each other. They both stare at each other, then share a knowing nod

Shiro’s email to Iverson during finals week:

Mr. Iverson,

Unfortionately, I will not be attending class tomorrow because I have officially run out of fucks to give. I am currently writing this in a Wendy’s parking lot at 2 in the morning. There is Frosty on my windshield. I no longer fear death.

Shiro


Lance to Hunk: How much you wanna bet Iverson lost his eye because he didn’t know how to use chopsticks

Hunk: Lance it’s three in morning have mercy


Hunk: Do you ever think about the inevitability of death and how literally anything and everything we do is pointless

Pidge: I told Lance to not give you a 5 Hour Energy but does anyone ever listen to me?


Matt: *guesses the wrong answer in front of class*

Matt: Welp, guess it’s time to drop out

Keith, after studying all night with no sleep, currently running off of caffeine pills and five Monsters, has had twelve mental break downs in the past four hours: Guess who’s fucking acing this flight simulator bitches

history of the entire world, I guess starters (pt 2)
  • ❛  Wanna get enlightened in the middle of no where ?  ❜
  • ❛  Surprise ! You’re the new Roman Emperor.  ❜
  • ❛  They go north, from the north to the northern north.  ❜
  • ❛  They also invade some other places and get called many names.  ❜
  • ❛  Ok, fair enough.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s actually Germany, but don’t worry about it.  ❜
  • ❛  Christianize all the kingdoms !  ❜
  • ❛  Which brand would you like ?  ❜
  • ❛  Mine’s better.  ❜
  • ❛  Time to conquer England.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s a bird ! It’s a plane ! It’s the Seljuk Turks !  ❜
  • ❛  Yes, I do actually want to do that.  ❜
  • ❛  They did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail.  ❜
  • ❛  Look at those mounds.  ❜
  • ❛  I always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.  ❜
  • ❛  I bet that will last a long time.  ❜
  • ❛  Is it Tonga Time ? I think it’s Tonga Time.  ❜
  • ❛  He’s so rich, he’s going on tour to let everyone know.  ❜
  • ❛  Wow, that guy’s rich.  ❜
  • ❛  Please remain Christian, we will check in later to see if you’re still Christian when you least expect.  ❜
  • ❛  Whoops, half of Europe just died.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s kinda like a rebirth.  ❜
  • ❛  So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire ?  ❜
  • ❛  Oops, you missed a spot.  ❜
  • ❛  What ? That’s bullshit !  ❜
  • ❛  Well I guess we’ll have to find another way to India.  ❜
  • ❛  said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack.  ❜
  • ❛  Nah, don’t worry we already got this.  ❜
  • ❛  So he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean.  ❜
  • ❛  (name) wants to make Russia great again.  ❜
  • ❛  Do you sin ?  ❜
  • ❛  Now you can buy your way out of Hell.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s bullshit. This whole thing is bullshit. That’s a scam.   ❜
  • ❛  Here’s 95 reasons why.  ❜
  • ❛  But they pillaged it anyway.  ❜
  • ❛  We gotta start pillaging some stuff.  ❜
  • ❛  Question one: can you get to India through North America ?  ❜
  • ❛  No, but at least there’s beaver.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s not a question.  ❜
  • ❛  (name) and (name) are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.  ❜
  • ❛  More specifically: Ohio.  ❜
  • ❛  ‘Fuck you !’ says America.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off !  ❜
  • ❛  No, don’t.  ❜
  • ❛  Why didn’t we think of this before ?  ❜
  • ❛  Luckily they banished him to an island, but he came back.  ❜
  • ❛  So (name) tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s just where he lives.  ❜
  • ❛  Technology is about to go crazy !  ❜
  • ❛  It’s bad, they decided.  ❜
  • ❛  Well blame something on them and go to war !  ❜
  • ❛  Now we’re in business.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one.  ❜
  • ❛  It just seemed like the right thing to do.  ❜
  • ❛  The economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever !  ❜
  • ❛  They should probably just deny it.  ❜
  • ❛  Finish him !  ❜
  • ❛  Seems legit.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m going to starve myself in public.  ❜
  • ❛  Wow, that worked ?  ❜
  • ❛  What’s on the menu ?  ❜
  • ❛  They’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan.  ❜
  • ❛  They both have atom bombs.  ❜
  • ❛  Fight ! wait, no that would be the end of the world.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.  ❜
  • ❛  I’ll race you to space !  ❜
  • ❛  That might keep happening.  ❜
  • ❛  I bet they’ll remember that.  ❜
  • ❛  Wanna learn everything ?  ❜
  • ❛  Whoops, the economy just crashed.  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t worry the big banks won’t fail because they’re not supposed to.  ❜
  • ❛  Surprise ! Flying robots ! With bombs !  ❜
  • ❛  Wanna print a brain ?  ❜
  • ❛  Some people have no friends.  ❜
  • ❛  Some people have no food.  ❜
  • ❛  The globe is warming and the ocean is full of plastic.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s save the planet !  ❜
  • ❛  By the way, where the hell are we ?  ❜

I just couldn’t resist after the new update. I loved it so much and I hope Old Xian knows how much her work means to us. 19 days is a fucking blessing, my heart jumps whenever I re-read it.

(Have an older He Tian and Mo Guan Shan cuz I hope they’ll end up together, stay a (gorgeous stupid bitch ass) couple for the rest of their lives and love each other like idiots. I have this headcanon that Satan-Tian has this scars on his neck and hand and proudly shows them off cuz he protected his property back then. Btw, dunno what He Tian did this time to piss Momo off, but I bet it wasn’t just a dick pic XD )

Donald Trump: what a loser.

Omega: oh no…

Donald Trump: seriously, Obama! what a loser! he’s ruined this great nation!

Omega: *gets up* 

Donald Trump: I’ll tell ya though. I’m gonna make it great ag- hey where are you going? I’m talkin! 

Omega: just going to the kitchen. be right back. 

Donald Trump: uh huh. you can’t handle the truth can you? that’s why you’re walking away! 

Omega: *sighs* 

Donald Trump: *follows him* I bet you’re an illegal 

Omega: no 

Donald Trump: yes you are! your accent says so! 

Omega: I’m from Sweden… 

Donald Trump: HA. knew it. Sweden huh? how’s that free healthcare crap workin’ out for you? 

Omega: pretty great actually

Donald Trump: oh baloney! you and Bernie Sanders. ridiculous! you know it’s not actually free? 

Omega: well….nothing is “free" but- 

Donald Trump: SEE. WHAT DID I TELL YA. 

Omega: you didn’t even let me finish- 

Donald Trump: nononononono you don’t get to talk. you’re not even a citizen! 

Omega: jesus fucking christ…*grabs candy bar from the cabinet* 

Donald Trump: HEY. do not use the Lord’s name in vain! that is disrespect!  and by the way- aren’t you a part of some Satanic cult band? no wonder you don’t care! you Swedes and your bullshit I swear I’m gonna deport all of ya an- 

Omega: Papa… 

Donald Trump: WHAT.

 Omega: *hands him candy bar* have a Snickers. 

Donald Trump: why?! 

Omega: because you’re not you when you’re hungry. 

Donald Trump: well…..I’ll accept it. but I bet it tastes like shit. probably some cheap Mexican candy that’s fooled innocent hard working Americans into thinking it’s a Snickers. it’s disgraceful! 

Omega: just take a bite… 

Donald Trump: *bites off a piece* 

Omega: better? 

Papa: better….. 

Omega: *sighs heavily* good. 

Papa: that was a close one…holy shit… 

Alpha: *playing Bloodborne in the living room from a distance* WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY?

Wanna Bet?

Title: Wanna Bet?
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Natan (a bit at the end)
Warnings: Cursing, crime
Summary: Natalie should have known – Never make a bet with the Devil if she wasn’t certain she was going to win. Especially if it’s her freedom on the line.
Word Count: 2,891
Author’s Note: My boyfriend requested this, so this is for him! He asked for: Nat losing a bet and having to do Satan’s bidding for a day. If anyone was curious, I based Satan’s picture off of this lovely picture from casuallybread. Now.. I said I’d be posting two fics today, so you all know what’s coming up next…

Keep reading

Swoon Tactics


Fandom: Satan and Me

Ship: Natan

Word Count: 3770

Rating/Content: PG 13 for some colorful expressions and scenes that will make you blush a little.

Summary: In which Natalie makes a deal with the Devil, and Satan learns that there’s more than one way to skin a Nat.(that was me trying to make a pun ^^;)

A/N: Um hi *waves*. So to take a break from my original fiction writing, I wanted to write some more fanfiction because it’s much more fun and less draining, and I’ve had requests and love hearing from you guys about the last two one-shots soooooo (my excuses to procrastinate from the things i should be doing are weak). This one is a little less canon than my other two pieces (partly because it doesn’t really have a set place in the comic narrative. It could happen anywhere really, but also because it’s a little more, gratuitous xD), but I still think it’s pretty true to the characters so I hope you do too ^^ hope you guys like it.

Keep reading

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades Freed (part 5/?)

1. I feel the days, and my sanity, slowly slipping away

2. Can your brain cells die from Awful Book Syndrome?
3. The prickling scalp returns. It’s like Superman, only totally different.
4. Christian is Creepy McCreeperson, watching Ana sleep, when he was supposed to be away for business. But with the whole some-dude-broke-into-their-apartment shit, he’s back early and OH NOES IS HE MAD

5.He looks beautiful. Mad, but beautiful” – this girl is utterly without salvation
6.I want to punish you,” he whispers. “Really beat the shit out of you,” – I’m fucking done with this shit
7. No

8. Who the fuck decided that this is printable material, to be sold to people with brains
9. He’s mad at her (probably because she went out for drinks) and he’s acting like the biggest fucking douche on the planet. He doesn’t tell her why he’s mad, he’s not talking to her and she keeps touching him, trying to make amends for something she shouldn’t. OH. MY. GOD. HOW IS THIS CONSIDERED A FUNCTIONAL, LOVING RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKING BEYOND ME. He’s making her feel guilty and awful and like she needs to make up for fucking up WHEN SHE DID NOTHING WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE
10. I’m so mad
11. OH MY FUCKING GOD
12. HE’S MAD AT HER BECAUSE SHE’S MAKING HIM QUESTION HIS JUDGEMENT I GIVE UP WHAT THE FUCK
13. That makes no sense fuck you E.L.James and your Christian fucking Grey
14. I have never been this mad at a book someone slap me
15.I need to face the consequences of my rash decision to actually enjoy myself with my friend.” – fuck this book, it’s the spawn of Satan. Nevermind, scratch that, even Satan would feel offended to be associated with this steaming pile of utter shit
16. “at least he’s letting me go to work” – i can’t feel my brain anymore, it has melted goodbye cruel world
17.Mr. Burning Rage” – PLZ STOP

18. She finally stood up to him and I’m proud.
19. Who wants to bet they’ll be having angry sex when they get back home? Any takers?
20.Mr. Sex-on-Legs” - *whispers* what the everloving actual fuck
21. “I knew what you said was an empty, idle threat. I know you’re not going to beat the shit out of me.”
“I wanted to.”
“No you didn’t. You just thought you did.”
“I don’t know if that’s true,” he murmurs.
– OH MY FUCKING GOD. Stop justifying this shit stopstopstopstop how could this have been published who did E.L.James bribe to get this to the masses
22. The second the discussion turns serious (Ana is asking for more details about the whole ex-boss situation, because, you know, it’s her life at stake as well), Christian turns on his manly charm and woos her with sex
23. BECAUSE CHILDREN, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY HOW A RELATIONSHIP WORKS
24. IN NEVERLAND, NARNIA AND MIDDLE EARTH
25. Throw me in hellfire pls
26. But please take care of my books after i’m gone
27. I have no fucks left to give

28. He’s tied her to a cross and I’m horrified.
29.This is a wand, baby. It vibrates.” – Harry Potter meets 50 shades and I’m crying
30. He’s such an asshole dick waffle – he won’t let her come and keeps interrupting his…um…hand-action, because she dared defy him fuck you to the ends of the world and beyond, Christian
31.I can’t help but feel I’m being punished. I’m helpless and he’s ruthless. Tears spring to my eyes. I don’t know how far he’s going to take this” – this is beyond fucked up and no longer amusing
32.This is not love. It’s revenge” – A FUCKING MEN Anastasia, you seem to have some semblance of a brain in that little head of yours
33. He seems to realize that he fucked up, but no. Fuck off thank you good bye
34.I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I won’t be so selfish again. I know you worry about me.” – this is Ana, in case you’re wondering. APOLOGIZING AGAIN
35. I’m fucking done

36. This is the biggest piece of shit I have ever had the displeasure to read.
37. I need a fucking break I’m so angry
38. Who can justify something like this, it’s deplorable
39. Where’s the wine

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades of Grey

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades Darker

areetala  asked:

What's the gif with the kid with wings and the shadow guy from?It looks cool


i am GLAD YOU ASKED bUT DONT EVEN BE FOOLED ITS SHDGJGKFUCK

its from the show Devil is a Part Timer! and it’s exactly what it sounds like (literal satan working at a fast food restaurant). prepare yourself for the most light hearted and funny show but simultaneously darker undertones with some badassery (as you saw in the gif)

female bamf? check

tid bits of romance that dont take up an entire subplot? check

cutie patootie villain? check

character development? check check motherfuckin check 

literally satan? you bet your ass thats a check

WATCH DEVIL IS A PART TIMER  

It bothers me that some people are so thinned skin.

The other day an artist I really like and follow on Twitter was posting how awful Trump is and how he doesn’t want to work in America again if he’s elected. He tweeted a comprehensive list of all the reasons why Trump is Satan, everyone agreed, then I made one offhand tweet; “Is there a comprehensive list of reasons why Hillary is horrible? I bet it’s twice as long.”

(Neither were my first choice)

He responded “Wow cool” then told everyone he’s not going to talk about politics anymore. I was the only person that made a comment like that. Everyone else was like “what happened, are random people on the internet yelling at you?”

“Worse, someone said I bet the list for Hillary is twice as long.”

And his followers couldn’t believe it. 

It reminds me of the college students that were triggered because the word TRUMP was written in chalk on the side walks. Come on guys.

I wasn’t mean, and I didn’t defend Trump. I guess in one way or another I said “have you considered another point of view?” and they all jumped back in horror, screamed no, and ended the discussion.

It made me a little sad.

OMFG GOD I wanted to start watching Serena’s scenes so I started watching her and Edward’s scenes and she’s so sassy and sarcastic!!! She is an utter gem. “Hello Satan”.

“I bet you still don’t know how to parallel park.”

“I don’t have to. Other cars move for me.”

“She likes to have things her own way.”

“Shut up, shut up! How dare you come to my place of work and undermine me!”

Now she’s happily humming to herself and holy fuck do I want to hear her sing.

I fucking hate Edward.

I fucking love Serena Campbell.

Been having the WORST past week.

1. horrible rash on my face and in between my fingers

2. spill tea on my lap top, it needs to be replace

3. on my way to work, I was getting off the interstate with a green light in front of me and some asshole pulls in front of me. Actually a lucky situation, no damage to either car, not even worth the hassle of reporting it to insurance, BUT THEN, the asshole tries to drive away. NOT TODAY, SATAN. So I chased him down a couple of blocks, honking like a mad woman, and he stopped and I got his insurance information AND YOU BET I IMMEDIATELY REPORTED THAT SHIT TO MY INSURANCE. ENJOY YOUR NEW RATES, ASSHOLE.

So that’s been my horrible luck this summer. How are you all?