this is the wooooooooooorst

Random-Ass Newsies Headcanon That Has No Basis In Reality But Amuses Me

So we all know Davey’s the moderately uptight goody-two-shoes of the Newsies gang…

…but what if he and Sarah turn into Jean-Ralphio and Mona-Lisa Saperstein from Parks and Rec when they have a few drinks in them?

…and what if that’s why Katherine tells the Newsies to get drunk with fame and not liquor?

Because sober Davey is the sweet, adorable, nervous puppy that ends up rallying the troops…

But drunk Davey is THE WOOOOOOOOOOORST

the signs as somewhat fitting game grumps quotes
  • Aries: You gotta draw the line somewhere! You gotta draw the FUCKING line in the sand, dude! You gotta make a statement! You gotta look inside yourself and say, "What am I willing to put up with today?" NOT FUCKING THIS!
  • Taurus: IF I CAN'T BE THE BEST, I SURE AS HELL CAN BE THE WOOOOOOOOOOORST!
  • Gemini: That's some Harry Potter shit right there (An image of Luke Skywalker appears on screen)! Show Voldemort! Show Voldemort! (Two images of babies dressed like Darth Vader appear on screen)
  • Cancer: Diseases are painful....Trucks are weird.
  • Leo: (running up to the hoop) WHITE CHOCOLATE! (throws the ball, completely misses the hoop and falls over)
  • Virgo: Put up a wolfjob, Barry! (Image of a doctor with a wolf's head) But a Halloween one. (A small Hershey bar is added to the bottom corner)
  • Libra: I tell you once I tell you twice! Big spider is good for economy!
  • Scorpio: Would grey apes make that shot!? I DON'T FUCKIN' THINK SO!
  • Sagittarius: (As Optimus Prime) Choo choo Motherfucker! (Transforms into a semi and rams into people)
  • Capricorn: DON'T TELL YOUR GRANDMA I'VE BEEN PUSHING SHARKS!!
  • Aquarius: You are so full of beans.
  • Pisces: (fire and footage of atomic explosions are overlayed over the turtle's face) I've seen the end of the world. It is terrifying. It makes my blood boil. I wish for all the people of the land...to know my strength. I will become the ender of worlds.