this is the only thing that i can do without internet

my pals on the lancecord asked me for some tips on cuban spanish so i thought i’d share them here too for all you lance writers. i’m a cuban voltron fan who doesnt want to live in fear of bad spanish in nearly every damn fic and im trying to be the change i want to see in the world. so feel free to message me if you have any questions about lance’s culture bc this is nowhere near being comprehensive at all.

lets get into the stuff google translate can’t teach u!

i don’t know anyone under the age of 60 who says “dios mio.” lance definitely would not, unless he is doing an impression of his abuela.

things that sound more natural than dios mio: ave maria, ay dios, por dios, AY POR DIOS

more commonly we exclaim “coño!” for anything. shock/anger/awe/etc. if the reaction is negative, it’s just coño. if the reaction is positive, we drop the first syllable and draw it out like “‘ñoooooo”

we exclaim “pinga!” or “cojone!” or “pinga cojone!” as a negative reaction more commonly than any translations of omg too

“de madre” is something we usually exclaim as a negative reaction. it can be yelled or sighed or grumbled. usually has a frustrated or incredulous connotation

“wepa!” is a sound we make as a positive exclamation.

we say “‘ueno” like the verbal embodiment of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (it’s bueno with the b dropped)


other things that sound really stiff for cubans to say is like, “hola, como estas?” i mean, you say it to people you’re not on a casual level with. to friends/family these sound more natural:

“que bola asere” is how we greet our close friends

“que bola” or “que vuelta” is how we say hey

“oye” is hey! but not as a greeting, as an exclamation. something you would say before a greeting or on its own when surprised/offended/trying to get someone’s attention/etc

common insults: cabron/cabrona, mojon, comepinga, comemierda

common pet names for anyone: flaco, nena, mojon, mi socio, corazon

“asere” is our word for “bro” that no other country uses (1000% what lance calls hunk)

we also have a tendency to call our family members by their relation+their name, such as “my Tio Jimmy called” or “Abuela Carmen is making food.” i think this is when we have big ol families and just saying tio or abuela isnt specific enough


also this isnt spanish but i s2g so many bilingual cubans i know use the word “fire” almost constantly to describe something awesome. so i think thats a small cultural thing that communicates lance is cuban without having him speak spanish. (ex. “omg that’s fire” “hunk makes fire tacos” “pidge is fire at fixing stuff” “can you play that fire song?”)


now here’s a bunch of stuff that’s just my opinion

  • I think it’s most in character for Lance to drop Spanish words only one or two at a time into English phrases, since that’s how he uses it in canon (“Hasta la later, Keith!”). A couple of quick examples off the top of my head -
    • tremendo/tremenda - an adjective for huge. “You’re being tremendo sore loser, but okay.”
    • todito/todo - means everything. you can use them one after the other for extra drama. “I forgot todito, todo, about calculus immediately after passing it.”
    • These sound like really natural ways to drop Spanish into conversation without being forced if you keep it to a minimum. I aint here to tell u how to write your lance but i beg you - Please show restraint and don’t try to use all of these tips at the same time!!
  • I recommend following latin internet personalities (like jaxxgarcia or mr. red) to pick up their Spanglish phrasing if you’re really into that. please don’t try to make up your own. it’s never as cute as you thought.
  • if you’re writing full on spanish for more than a word or two, please do not ever make Lance speak it “accidentally” (or even worse, on purpose) to someone he knows doesn’t understand the language. that’s really rude and alienating and it’s so against lance’s character to isolate himself from others like that when he speaks fluent english. 
  • other times Lance can toss a spanish word in without sounding forced is if he’s namedropping cuban things! Try looking up some of our 
    • food (ropa vieja, pan con lechon, arroz con leche)
    • drinks (materva, iron beer, malta), 
    • films (juan of the dead, azucar amarga)
    • or music (celia cruz, marc anthony, juanes*) and have lance mention them by their spanish name if the topic comes up. 
      • *not all of these musicians are cuban, but they’re some of the most popular amongst us. i’m simply naming artists i think lance is most likely to enjoy considering his age and personality.
  • speaking of music, we have very specific dance styles that are pretty cool and almost mandatory to learn at a young age. cubans in general love to party, and to host large family gatherings which easily morph into parties, and basically any social event seems awkward if there’s no one dancing at any point. 
  • what I’m trying to say is Lance definitely knows salsa or merengue moves.
  • I don’t love to party and I’m not a good dancer and I don’t like dancing, but I know salsa anyway because I had to be in the environment my whole life. always exceptions, but the majority of cubans grow up knowing how to dance and it looks more or less like this:

and one last opinion for the road:

Voltron takes place in the future, so I like to dream of Lance being born in a world where Cuba’s free from communism. If you’re doing a Voltron AU that takes place nowadays, please don’t write about Lance’s experience in Cuba if you aren’t familiar with what it’s like to live under a regime like that. It’s very bleak and textbooks don’t cover half of the fucked up things that those who live there actually have to go through.

Lance could have been born in Cuba, but raised somewhere else. Miami would be my recommendation because it’s our second homeland and it means he would have been raised surrounded by Cuban culture without the governmental oppression. But Cubans are absolutely everywhere, so it’s equally believable that Lance’s family could have immigrated to Pawnee, Indiana. Even in Voltron canon, I think it’s likely Lance moved to America at a young age because he clearly has a native fluency in English.

You know what, the ‘suddenly, there’s 5 more Winter Soldiers’ subplot

has gotten a lot of flack, and I don’t disagree that it could and should have been handled a lot better, but even as it is, I really really like what it says, or rather, confirms about Bucky.

Keep reading

Thirteen Reasons Why - Explained

Thirteen Reasons Why

I’ve seen a lot of posts about Hannah being a ‘drama queen’ or overreacting to small things everyone did so I thought I’d explain a bit about what I understood.

1. Justin - Justin exaggerated what he and Hannah did. While this seems mild, it set Hannah up for a terrible high school career because she earned the reputation of 'slut’. This happens so often in schools and in the adult world and can RUIN someone’s life in a certain, if not all areas.

2. Alex - Alex put Hannah as having the best ass against Jessica as the worst. It is clear that the internet is doing its thing again and not taking time to understand things properly; this was NOT A COMPLIMENT AND HANNAH HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. It was a clear violation of friendship and an obvious example of men pitting women against each other for their own benefit.

3. Jessica - I’m going more by the book here, but Jessica was on the tapes because she didn’t believe Hannah and abandoned her when she needed her. A clear example of how people can easily be lead by others and girls turning on each other because of guys. Jessica deserved to be on the tapes because she didn’t hear Hannah’s side of the story and instead took her anger out on her first friend at the school.

4. Tyler - I don’t think I need to explain much about this, but he abused his position as a photographer in school to violate boundaries for his own pleasure similar to how a lot of people in a power exploit those below them. He made Hannah feel vulnerable and took the lack of comfort she felt at school to her own bedroom.

5. Courtney - I suppose this is kind of harder to understand. Courtney was a closeted lesbian and therefore it is understandable that she was upset at the thought of her being outed before she was ready, but Hannah confided in her to help her expose someone else and instead she protected herself by further ruining Hannah. This shows the selfishness of those who feel the need to protect themselves by harming others.

6. Marcus - I haven’t seen much on Marcus honestly, but I dislike him immensely. He took advantage of Hannah because of the impression of her he had put together from rumours created by other reasons (Justin, Courtney) which is an expression of how men feel owed something from women, especially those who are seen as 'slutty’.

7. Zach - At first glance, Zach doesn’t seem too bad. At half a second glimpse, this changes. Hannah rejected him because he said something silly, a mistake, and if he had made an obvious effort to explain and apologise, he could have helped Hannah. Instead, he chooses to punish her by preventing her from receiving happiness from others. This is one of the clearest examples of how men can’t handle a woman’s right to say 'no’ and reject him…

8. Ryan - This tape is similar to that of Tyler in that he made her feel unsafe. What Tyler did was worse than Ryan, however the effect of Ryan’s actions had (in my opinion) worse consequences that Tyler’s. Ryan published her poem because he thought it was something that needed to be shared, a selfish and naive action (when considering the maturity of high school students), which meant that Hannah’s personal thoughts were no longer her own. She was not comfortable at school, home or in her own mind.

9. Clay - Though I agree when Hannah states that he shouldn’t have been on the tapes, Clay does represent 'everyone else’ who stands by and watched people like Hannah slowly fade and retreat into themselves because of the actions of others. The 'bystanders’ if you will, whose lack of part in our stories can be just as important as those who intrude on us.

10. Justin - It is evident in the series that Justin was extremely haunted by the rape at Jessica’s party and this is probably why he is gaining so much sympathy… this is also why I recommend you all READ THE BOOK. Justin stood by and watched his friend rape his girlfriend, why is he receiving more sympathy than I’ve seen for Jessica? Of course it was hard for Justin to witness that, but staying friends with Bryce and staying with Jessica without telling her is reason enough for him to be on the tapes again.

11. Jenny - Jenny was kind to Hannah, offering her a lift home, but she didn’t take responsibility for knocking down the stop sign which lead to someone’s DEATH. The guilt that Hannah was left with from this (because she was in the car) was understandably overwhelming, especially as the victim was a classmate who was blamed for drunk driving. Jenny is an example of how our reckless actions and lack of responsibility for them can destroy other lives; is that not the entire plot?

12. Bryce - Lord help you if you need an explaination.

13. Mr Porter - A perfect example of how there is not enough support out there for students (and people in general, honestly). The counsellor advising Hannah to 'move on’ after she confides in him that she was raped is one of the most haunting moments in the entire series, solidifying her reason for suicide- she had no comfort amongst her classmates, in her own home, in her mind and now, the specialist designated for dealing with situations like this bore no real interest in her problems and told her to 'move on’.

It’s extremely important for us when watching shows with topics like this to remember many things.

First, the show is not just this situation. Everything represents something more in society; each tape side is a problem in the world that leads to suicide, not only a small action by one character leading to Hannah Baker’s suicide. If you need help in understanding this, or want something else similar to this story, I recommend watching or reading 'An Inspector Calls’ by J.B. Priestly- a masterful piece tackling classism/sexism and how each person’s seemingly small actions lead to a girl’s suicide.

Second, memes are sometimes funny. The 'Clay every time he sees Tony’ memes are really funny, the 'fuck off, Courtney’ memes are funny, but the 'welcome to your tape over a slight inconvenience’ memes, they’re not. The show is raising awareness for the seriousness of suicide, not to create a fanbase of jokes about it. Promoting these after you watch the show, is a clear statement that you haven’t understood why it was made and is completely unacceptable.

Third, separate the character from the actor. Justin Prentice is NOT Bryce Walker, do not spam his comments with disgusting name calling or threatening- this is CLEARLY wrong and unnecessary. This also works the other way: Brandon Flynn is NOT Justin Foley. Just because Brandon is attractive and nice, doesn’t mean his character becomes as such.

Please don’t turn 13 reasons why into another generic element of pop culture. I love pop culture, don’t get me wrong, but we have a tendency to begin digging for meaning and giving up halfway; overusing the profound starting points of progress we find by loosely throwing them around, emptying them of all meaning.

serenity0220  asked:

Any chance you could please find some that Yuuri and Victor are married, but no one knows they are AU. Like, "Victor is a famous skater and he's married, but no one has a clue who his husband" is kind scenario? Thank you!

Hi! Thanks for these requests! This is a really fun AU! (Most of these fics are based off @skygemspeaks post which you can find here!

Originally posted by asparagusoup


Identity Reveal


Who is Coach Yuuri? by glitteryimagay, Teen, 24k
Nix, Fish and Frankie were over the moon when they were told they were chosen by skating legend Victor Nikiforov himself to be taught at his rink in America. But upon arriving, they are informed Victor was asked last minute to be the choreographer for the Olympic US Skating Team and instead, they will be taught by the rink’s head coach, who they know nothing about! This is great!

The Internet Exists For a Reason by tomorrowsdreams, Teen, 2.8k
Katsuki Yuuri amazes people even without them knowing who he really is. Thumbs up!

Comfort Zone by BertholdvonMoosburg, Gen, 8.9k
Yuuri decides to go back to school. He’d really like to experience being normal again for a while, and he wants friends, not more fans.It’s hard to keep two lives separate. Love this!

Yuuri Katsuki, MA by BertholdvonMoosburg, Teen, 10k
Two years. Two years she’d known Yuuri Katsuki, since that welcome reception where he’d looked so uncomfortable and she’d invited him to the pub. He had been a mystery at first, friendly but closed off. When he finally let her into his life, she found a real friendship with this warm, expressive, gentle man. And with his warm, expressive, extra-as-fuck husband. Thumbs up!

My fun fact is: by stillmadaboutpetra, Gen, 6.3k
Yuuri fails to mention to his new non-skater friends who he is or who his husband is. Or that he even has a husband. HAHAH THIS IS GREAT

Ethical Dilemmas in Sport Psychology: When Googling Your Friend Gets Weird by Adrianners, Teen, 1.5k
Grad student Yuuri is late to his study group, but nobody has his phone number or university email. One “Yuuri Katsuki Wayne State” Google search later and… Why does Yuuri have a Wikipedia page? Awesome fic!

Showing Results for ‘Katsuki Yuuri’ by Ferrero13, Gen, 3.9k
Victor makes it his goal to get Katsuki Yuuri, figure skater, to the first page of Google results. There is no way he could let such a brilliant skater be overshadowed by Katsuki Yuuri, winner of some stuffy academic medal, who is probably 50 and balding. I LOVE THIS FIC SO SO SO MUCH

A Real Life Cinnamon Roll by Seito, 2.1k
Yuuri Katsuki’s students knew three things about their new teacher:
1) he was adorable
2) he was extremely passionate about teaching them
3) based off the lovesick expression he often wore, his wife was a lucky woman. I LOOOOVE THIS FIC

How do you not know? by missykristy, Teen, 4.5k
Yuuri Nikiforov-Katsuki, after retiring from competitive skating at 27, decides to go back to school and build on top of his Communications degree. He becomes the Teaching Assistant to a first year Japanese class and is more than happy to stay silent about his career. But honestly, a quick Google search and he’s there. How could you not know? Fun read!

And the answer is… by nessiesaur, Gen, 1.5k
Yuuri Katsuki is adorable, but also one of the most mature people in their class. Yuuri Katsuki is in her study group, which definitely saved her ass on the midterm. Yuuri Katsuki is…wait, who is he!?

A Prince in Disguise by lourthor, Gen, 5.1k
The one thing his classmates know about him for sure is that he loves his husband. Such a good fic!

Long time no see by ddugeun, Gen, 4.8k
“Mum? What’s wrong?” he might be 27 and retired, but his anxiety never gets easier about the smaller things.
“Yuuri! Oh, don’t worry, nothing’s wrong!” Hiroko chirped through the speakers. It’s not quite enough to quell his nervous thoughts just yet. “I got a letter for you in the post; it looked quite important so I opened it incase it was time sensitive, and it turns out it’s a high school reunion invite!” High school reunion AU… you have to read this!

icebreaker by Cesare, Gen, 6.1k
Marianne gets to know Yuuri Katsuki mainly because she never heard the name “Yuuri” before their class together. AWESOME fic!

five theories about victor “my husband” nikiforov (+ one fact) by dadvans, Not Rated, 2.1k
No one knows the truth about the strange, well-paying man who comes into the bar three times a week and only talks about his husband. But everyone has their theories. Rec’d by my followers!

Real advice

So a lot of you on here are teens and might be getting ready to be out on your own. Here are some things I learned the hard way or that are just good to know.

  • Never smoke or quit if you are currently. The cost of addictive smoking is more than half your groceries a month AND the bodily cost will surprise you.
  • Drink water. Yeah okay I know this one sucks but water is much much cheaper than soda, trust me. Your skin will thank you.
  • Send thank you cards. Don’t have any? Get the cheap ones and send those. It doesn’t matter how nice they are, the fact that you sent a thank you card matters. Send it for gifts, people calling you to check on you, those adults who helped you move, and even people who interview you.
  • Withhold 1. Okay so speaking of jobs, on your forms (US) where you are trying to figure out your tax withholding, put one. Yourself. It’s an easy way to make sure you don’t owe $2,000 in April and you still get a pretty decent check. 
  • No pets. If you don’t have a pet now, don’t get one. It’s super hard to get an apartment that will let you have a pet when you are first starting out. Wait until you are a bit older and can afford to rent more than a one bedroom apartment. 
  • Insurance. You’re young, so why do you need life insurance? Because that’s the best time to get it. Yeah, it’s a dumb expense to pay right now, but if you get it early, you can afford it. The longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Car insurance is going to be high for a few years, but it will drop around 22 and 25 years old. Health insurance usually comes through your job and please don’t ignore it. Renter’s insurance is usually pretty cheap and it covers you if there is a fire or natural disaster and you have to go back home to mom.
  • Off brand. This goes for food, clothing, makeup, and cleaning supplies and just about anything else you can think of. For food, Aldi’s is your best friend. I can go fill up a cart of just food and it will cost maybe $70. the same amount of food at Walmart is easily over $150. You can of course be picky, but try to get the majority of your food off brand. Hygiene products too. Goodwill is great for clothes, but plan a trip. Save like 60 bucks and drive near a big city where the rich people live. Go to the goodwill there. You can basically get an all new wardrobe for pennies on the dollar. Makeup is tricky. It can be really really expensive but you don’t really have to buy all of it name brand. Pick whats most important to you. I prefer eye shadows and lipsticks name brand and I deal with everything else from the drugstore. With he right techniques, you can make it look expensive. As for cleaning, I always use dollar tree stuff minus my laundry detergent because of allergies. Bleach, stain spray, and vinegar are gonna be your best friends,.
  • Car. Okay so yeah, that brand new car is nice and sure, maybe you can afford it. For now. Disaster will strike. Something will come up and bam, you’re stuck choosing if you want to walk everywhere or eat. Try getting a slightly used car, such as one of the ones they let people test drive a lot or a car that has previously been leased. Just as nice and much MUCH cheaper. And I have gotten THREE cars with no down payment so don’t let them tell you you can’t. But it is nice to put it down,even $100. 
  • Negotiate. Don’t be afraid to haggle with people. Yeah it’s intimidating but it’s 10 minutes of your life versus hundreds of dollars a year. What can you negotiate? Almost anything. Car payment. Rent. Insurance. Hospital bills. Even due dates for the bills you can’t negotiate on. Also, if something comes up where you have to skip a payment on something, call them. Give them like $25 and explain your situation. Ask if your payment date can be moved with the $25 as a goodwill promise to pay the rest later. It works. They would rather move your date than send you to collections. 
  • Collectors. Okay so this one is tricky. If you have fallen behind and owe a collector, don’t fret. I do too, even as I write this. Owing a collector means that the original service has been paid (health bills, credit card ect) and you are now paying the people who paid your bill. (I know it’s confusing) however, they will usually want the entirety of what they paid for you in 6 months. Meaning if they just paid a bill for you that was $3,000, they are gonna ask for $500 a month. That’s rent. That’s crazy. Tell them outright what you can afford and don’t lie about it either. If you can afford $100, tell them that. If you can afford $50, tell them that. If you can’t afford to pay them anything when they call you, let them know when you can. If you can’t afford it when you told them you could, don’t answer your phone to a number you don’t know. I know that sounds horrible but if you are renting an apartment, renting a car, and literally own nothing, they can’t do much to you. Just pay when you can and try to maybe pick up some extra shifts at work to make a payment. I have been dodging collectors for about three years. I owe I think three right now. I pay ONE of them a month, but it’s a large payment to keep them quiet for a while. I do not suggest this for you, I am just letting you know what I do.
  • Credit Cards. Okay, the big one. Many adults will tell you to never ever get a credit card and that’s just not feasible in this world. However, it can be addicting to be able to go to Walmart when you are negative in your bank account and get that $10 movie. I mean, it’s just 10 bucks right? WRONG. It will build up fast and soon the one credit card you have will be maxed. So you have to get another for emergencies. And another. And so on. So here’s my advice; Get a credit card through the same bank as your checking and tell them to put a limit on it and not let it raise. Then lock that sucker away and forget you have it until a real emergency comes up like a flat tire, short on money for groceries, or that collector that hasn’t been paid in 4 months. You can make it on one credit card if you are strict with your money, which I am sure you don’t have a lot of.
  • Budget. Speaking of money, write out a budget for yourself. Don’t know how? Here’s the easiest way. Most people get paid bi-weekly so here’s how to do it. Make two columns, Check 1 and Check 2. If you have a full time job you know about how much your checks are going to be so put the amount at the top of each column. Now that hard part - figure out what is due when. Is something due June 1st? Take it out of check 2 (end of May). Is something due May 14? Take it out of check 1 (beginning of May). That main thought process behind your budget is that you want to have the money for a bill set aside before it’s due. Paying a bill a few days early is a great way to make a good financial reputation for yourself and for some things even build credit. Now if you get paid bi-weekly, you will sometimes have a month where you get 3 checks. DON’T BLOW IT. Put it right back into your budget as Check 1 and keep the flow going. If you prepay bills, like your car or your rent or your credit card, and stay a month a head of those big ones, you may need that wiggle room later. If your car, for instance, is paid ahead 1 month, you can use the car money you would normally pay that month for maybe some extra groceries or some small emergency without using your credit card and you won’t even fall behind! You’ll just be back to owing every month instead of being ahead. It’s like a savings account without the temptation to blow the money. 
  • Simplicity. Enjoy simple things. A gym is expensive, go for a walk instead. Cable is expensive, pay for internet. Phones are expensive, get on a family plan (there is no shame in staying on your parent’s plan, just pay your share). Food is expensive, enjoy leftovers. Movies are expensive, go early and resist any snacks. Shopping is expensive, go to the mall and spend all day trying on cute clothes and taking selfes in the dressing room (makes you feel like a million bucks sometimes!). Time is expensive because you don’t have a lot of it so If you want to stay in bed all day on your day off, do it. If you want to binge on your day off, do it. If you want to just play board games with friends on a Saturday night with a few beers, do it. Simple fun is way better for your pocket and your anxiety.
  • Mental Health  - speaking of anxiety, make sure you take care of your brain. Go outside, even if it means sitting on your steps. Wake up early, even for just an hour. Don’t burn yourself out at work or school because you will suffer the consequences. Make a schedule. If you have trouble with timekeeping, ask for help. If you feel you do have a real mental disorder, see if your employer has what’s called and EAP program (employee assistance program). They usually help you find a mental health provider and give you a few visits for free. This will help you narrow down what exactly you have and after you’re free visits are up you can see who is in your health insurance network that can provide you the mental care you need. if you are prescribed drugs, always get generic. If there is no generic, ask for an alternative. I will not lie to you, mental health is the hardest thing to treat. It took me 8 years and a lot of money to figure out the right medication cocktail for me and my bipolar/ schizophrenia (yes I have both). Turns out I only need two pills, and if I were to refill both of them right now, I wouldn’t even pay $10 thanks to my health insurance (which sucks but at least it’s there) and because I got generics. Also, talk therapy can be pricey but sometimes only a few sessions can change your life. I have literally only been to talk therapy 11 times in my life and that was to deal with PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia, and suicidal tendencies. 11 sessions. That’s 11 hours. And yeah, I paid over $400 out of pocket for those collectively. But if I hadn’t I would probably be dead right now so it was worth it.
  • Connections. Calling your friends is awesome because sometimes, it’s free therapy. And okay, maybe you’re 19 and you still have a horrible relationship with your parents. It’s okay. I am 25 and I still have problems with my parents. My whole family actually. Social media is a kind of safety net for me because that’s where I can be myself. Find where you can be yourself, it will help you stay sane.
  • Clean. Sometimes when I feel crappy, I take a shower. I clean the living room. I do the dishes. I vacuum. I mop. I open the windows. I get the trash out of the house. Change into some clean clothes. Organize my desk. Clean out your closet and put all your unwanted clothes in bags to donate. Just a small amount of cleaning can make you feel like you accomplished something. 
  • Hobbies. This one is a little hard too. It depends on your personality, your budget, and how much free time you have. Drawing , singing, and writing are free. Exercising can be free if you run or walk in the park. But most hobbies do actually cost money. Video games, playing an instrument, painting, sewing, cooking/baking, making things - those all cost money. Some of them lots of money. But you have to have a hobby outside of social network, sleeping, and working. It’s another thing to keep you sane and it’s just a good idea.
  • Toxic people. Do not be afraid to cut people out of your life that do nothing but make you feel bad about yourself or insult your life. This could mean breaking up with your partner, unfriending a person from your social circle, cutting out a whole circle of people, or even not talking to a relative(s). It’s not easy for some people but if they do not build you up, they will only tear you down. 
  • Drink at home. Okay so this one might sound like a no brainer, but I’ll explain it anyway. Packs of beer and hard liquor bottles are cheaper than a pint and a shots at the bar. Bottles of wine are cheaper than a glass at a restaurant. It’s never okay to drive drunk or even after one bottle of beer. NEVER. Staying at home is cheaper all around and you can drink in your pajamas while watching Finding Nemo on loop. Or invite some friends over and create a drinking game out of a show, a game you already have, or just talk and drink. 
  • Sleep. This one is so important. You need a good bed and a quiet, dark place to sleep. If you are scared of the dark, get a night light. Can’t sleep in silence? Get a fan. I have both of these and they help. You’re brain will feel tired if you ‘slept’ for 12 hours but only got 1 hour of REM. REM can really only happen every night if you are in a calm and dim environment. Quality of sleep will effect your eating habits, your emotional state, your mental stability, and your ability to make rational decisions among other things. 

So these are obviously just a few things, but I feel they are important to share. Please feel free to add any and reblog it for those about to enter adulthood. 

In light of recent events...

I’m disgusted with events that took place over the last 12 hours or so on Twitter, and I’m even more disgusted that this is a thing that happens repetitiously. So, here is a list of basic etiquette for meeting DnP in public. Honestly all of this is common sense, but apparently some people need to be reminded of it:

(Once you have read this, you have absolutely no excuses for your actions should you ever meet them (not that you had any excuses to begin with) and shall have 100% responsibility for your actions.)

(Also, these rules apply to any stars/celebrities/humans in general that you may encounter and apply in any location or scenario.)

  • DON’T take videos or photos of them without their consent, full stop. It’s a breach of their privacy, which goes against their fundamental human rights and is therefore illegal in almost all countries around the world, countries like Australia and the UK included…
  • …and if you do, DO delete it/them, especially if they ask you to. Again, it’s illegal and just morally wrong to take/keep/post non-consensual footage of them.
  • DON’T follow them or stalk them. It’s common sense and is for the same reasons as I listed above (it’s illegal), so if I get anyone questioning why, I will be really disgusted and disappointed.
  • DO go to meetups if you want selfies and if you want to meet them. The very reason meetups exist is so that you can meet your favourite stars in a consensual and relaxed environment, so take advantage of that rather than springing a trap on them outside of said consensual environments.
  • DO remember that DnP are no more or less human than us. I’ve seen people using the argument that they’re celebrities and that they should expect to be followed and whatnot, but they have the right to privacy as much as any of us and can feel frustration as much as any of us, so treat them like you’d treat any normal member of the public.
  • DO remember to distinguish between running into them coincidentally and deliberately tracking or following them. Running into them coincidentally is something you didn’t expect or intend to happen, therefore not your fault. Following or tracking them is 100% a conscious action so you are expect to take full responsibility for whatever may happen.
  • DON’T use “Oh but it’s a public area” as an excuse for following them. I’ve seen and argued with so many people who have used that excuse, but it doesn’t make following them any less morally or legally corrupt. Just because it may be deemed a public area doesn’t mean they’re always willing to interact with any people in it in a public manner. They are in public for the sake of sorting out shit for their own personal lives, it’s not an automatic invitation for anyone and everyone to follow them. Besides, Dan specifically said in a liveshow not to follow them in airports, so listen to them when they say that and assume the same request applies for any other public area.
  • DON’T think that they’re okay with being followed just because they offer to take selfies or whatever or because they don’t call you out on following them. I do wish DnP had more backbone regarding this, but the only reason they may agree to interacting with you is because they’re very selfless men who put their viewers wants (wants, not needs, because meeting them is not a necessity in life) before their own, however that doesn’t mean they’re comfortable doing it. Don’t take advantage of that selflessness.
  • DON’T remain under the impression that they live to serve us. They are under no obligation to do anything for us, not even on the internet, and it’s only because they’re good and admittedly-over-generous people that they do so in the first place. Just because they’re entertainers online sometimes doesn’t mean they’re idols to be objectified and dehumanised all the time, everywhere. They have their own lives and personal needs, exactly the same as we do.
  • DON’T be surprised if you receive backlash for doing things like what those people did today, you deserve every nasty tweet, post and DM you receive (unless you receive death threats or anything like that, which is never okay).
  • DON’T feel you have the right to defend yourself if you receive backlash, because you honestly don’t.

One final thought: you ever think about why celebrities imply or say that they want to live a ‘normal’ life? It’s because of stalkers and followers like the ones today, people who completely dehumanise them and put them on a pedestal where they’re expected to stay and be leered at 24/7. It’s not fair to enforce this on fellow human beings, especially with human beings as gracious and patient with us as DnP are. You don’t deserve to be called a ‘fan’ if you can’t love and value and respect them properly.

so I was talking with @gitwrecked about the Space Dad mentality and how rare it is that Shiro gets to have fun like the other Paladins do. A lot of fic and art either assume Shiro’s the responsible character, or leave him out completely while all the Paladins are having fun - and that’s always bugged me, a bit. Shiro so rarely gets a chance to play those games, or make mistakes, or be smol, or be taken care of in any way. In fandom, Shiro’s almost always the Responsible One, whether that’s in charge of the team, assisting with the team’s personal affairs/relationship woes Via the giving of Dad Advice, etc. etc. Even the mentality that back at the Garrison Shiro must’ve been tight-laced, Perfect, and Always Responsible is just…it doesn’t make sense, to me. Considering everything he’s been through, can’t our Shiro be allowed some fun?

Shiro would’ve been a COMPLETE troublemaker back at the Garrison. Hardworking and dedicated, sure, but once he proved himself and climbed up the ranks, so to speak? Kid could get away with ANYTHING. Nobody can keep a straight face quite like Shiro. Nobody knows why there’s always one particular flight-bike returned with just a bit less fuel than the others, nope, no sir. No, nobody knows how the doors to the hangars were left unlocked and a trio of cows slipped in last night. Nope, definitely not. Shirogane? Nope, definitely not involved. What kind of person would think that of Innocent, Responsible Shiro?

Shiro gets away with a lot of stuff like this. Matt only eggs him on, the little troublemaker. The two of them would make SUCH a pair, wreaking havoc, always messing things up, and the worst part is Iverson can NEVER PROVE IT. If Matt has even half the hacking skills of Pidge? Nothing would be safe. The rosters? Weird how Shiro and Matt are always in the same classes. Any type of list? Funny that the mess hall’s serving chocolate cake for dinner for the fourth night in a row, how odd. The simulators? 

Dear lord, the simulators.

Fake missions. Weird Easter Eggs left behind in mission logs, so the freshmen are running these simulations and that’s definitely a duck that just flew past us, sir, how is a duck faster than this ship? Weird loopholes, one set of canyons that definitely loops you back to the beginning just after you exit. Missions with heavy-loss scenarios that light up at the end with a huge message saying APRIL FOOL’S. Just messing with everyone.

[Iverson: WHO LET HOLT INTO THE SIMULATOR PROGRAMMING?
Matt, deadpan, as the newbies running the simulation have to fly through a series of caves in a mountain that looks suspiciously like a nose (only access point is through the nostril): It’s my computer programming final, sir. 
Iverson, who didn’t check all the course syllabi: Shirogane, is this true?
Shiro, without batting an eye: Yes sir.]

In addition to the ability to lie their way out of every inquisition, Matt and Shiro are pretty clever at this. They don’t have to lie often because they don’t get caught. They’re extremely cautious, planning tricks weeks or months in advance, well worth taking the time to pull it off well and cover our tracks than it is to get caught and give up the whole game. (I’m not saying they were Weasleys of the Garrison, but.) 

I wonder if this is also one of the reasons Lance looks up to Shiro so much. Picture one night a very young and impressionable Lance sneaking out of his dorm after hours, trying to get a level up by gaining just one extra peek at the simulators (poor bab wants so badly to be fighter class), and in so doing caught the rarest of rare events: Shiro, sneaking out of the simulator programming room.

And Lance doesn’t mean to, but he stumbles right into a trashcan and makes a huge clatter and Shiro’s head whips up and the two of them just stare at each other. Lance’s heart is going a mile a minute, he’s going to get in trouble, that’s Takashi Shirogane, the straight-A Perfect Responsible Top Of His Class Pilot - 

Shiro draws breath. Lance winces, waiting for the reprimand.

“Can you keep a secret?” Shiro asks, and winks.

“Uh,” stutters Lance, floored.

And then the next day Lance is watching the simulator runs with his class, but for whatever reason the Simulator’s infected with some sort of weird bug. Anytime anyone fails at any part of the program the screen rains down confetti on them. Forgot to buckle your seatbelt? CONFETTI. Effed up that landing? CONFETTI. Turning to hurl into the main gearbox- 

“Shirogane,” Iverson growls, “Did you program this run?”

“Must be a glitch, sir,” Shiro says, completely straight-faced.

And Lance is a goner.

medium.com
Don’t Get Your Undocumented Friends in Trouble: A How-To
Posted March 2, 2017, written in collaboration with local leaders from the Washington Dream Coalition, an organization led by undocumented youth.
By The Daily Demand

Many US Citizens take our citizenship for granted. It’s something most of us never worry about or think about, and the majority of us have never experienced life without it. As a consequence, we are incredibly out of touch with what privileges come with citizenship and what our impact as citizens can have on our undocumented friends and neighbors.

If we are serious about defending DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) , organizing against ICE raids and detention centers, and exploring other ways to exercise allyship with undocumented folks, there are precautions we must take.

Organizing against deportations and the forces that carry them out is not like campaigning for a candidate, an initiative, or other causes we may all have experiences with- the risk is much higher. While organizing efforts may very well include politicians and initiatives, the nature of the work means that if we are not careful, we can literally get our colleagues, friends, and their families locked up or deported.

*You should not consider the following list legal advice nor an exhaustive list of precautions to take. If there are undocumented people in your lives or on your campaigns, someone should be reaching out to get familiar with their personal boundaries, risk levels, and safety plans.

[Bullet points from the list]:

1. Don’t “out” people who are undocumented. 

2. Don’t “out” areas where undocumented people live. 

3. Don’t prioritize appearing as though you are “centering those most affected” above not getting those “most affected” deported. 

4. Don’t list build if you don’t have to. 

5. Protect your lists as if your own deportation depended on it. 

6. Don’t put YOUR OWN name on lists. 

7. Some things you can do on your own, in secret- and you should. 

8. Understand that Homeland Security, ICE, and other federal agencies are not like your local police department. 

9. Stop fucking inviting your undocumented friends to the detention center. 

10. Do not communicate about sensitive issues around documentation, immigration, etc on phones or digital devices, let alone the internet. 

11. This includes your encrypted apps like Signal.

12. This includes your email servers like RiseUp.Net.

13. This includes Slack.

14. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR CODER OR ANARCHIST FRIENDS SAID. DON’T TALK ABOUT SENSITIVE SHIT ON THE INTERNET.

15. Do not spread information that you are not COMPLETELY SURE is accurate and verified.

16. Do not post media of undocumented people on social media. Only videotape what is necessary and destroy what isn’t needed. 

17. Take the time to understand all the risk undocumented people face and how they are treated differently in the legal system. 

18. Don’t ask undocumented people to take coordinated arrests.

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

Keep reading

Nursemaid

(Jimin’s crush comes over to his house to help him out after he suffers an injury that leaves him with limited use of both hands.)

Warnings: 6000+ words of smut, Jimin POV, I’ll let you guess what kind of smut takes place


“I can’t believe you managed to injure both of your hands on the same day.” Hoseok’s girlfriend, Sophie, stifled a laugh while she said it. “I can’t tell if you are dumb or just unlucky.”

 Jimin sighed.  He had been stupid and drunk when he and Jungkook went out into the street to play with fireworks.  One went off too close to his hand, burning his right palm requiring a trip to the emergency room where his injury was cleaned and bandaged.  The doctor gave him a lecture about drunk people and explosives and how fortunate he was not to have blasted off his fingers.            

While exiting the hospital, Jimin immediately tripped over the curb and landed with his full weight onto his left hand resulting in a small fracture and return trip to the emergency room to get a splint to immobilize his other hand.   Now, every time Jimin saw someone, he had to suffer the embarrassment of explaining what happened. People had a hard time not laughing when they heard how he managed to get hurt twice in one day.

 “Does it hurt much?” you asked him.

“Not really. As long as I don’t bump into anything or use my fingers too much, it’s okay.” At least you seemed to be genuinely concerned about his well-being. That’s one of the reasons Jimin liked you, you always seemed caring and sincere.  The other main reason he liked you was because he thought you were incredibly hot.  There were plenty of nights Jimin stayed up fantasizing about what it would feel like to be with you.  He wanted to ask you out, but had been waiting until there was some indication that you were even the slightest bit interested in him.  He was starting to think that maybe he had a chance with you, but he felt neutered with his injuries, unable to do things like casually touch you and see how you would respond to his advances.  Jimin resolved to make a move as soon as he had full use of his hands again.

Keep reading

Mixed Black African Girl (Cameroonian/French)

I’m a mixed black african girl who grew up and lived most of her life in Cameroon, in Central Africa. My dad is half-white (french) and half-black (cameroonian), and my mom is 100% cameroonian. There’s little to no black african characters in popular fiction, which has always bothered me, and it would be so nice to read about someone like me for once.

  • Culture and food

Cameroon is a country created during colonization, with borders defined by europeans. Because of that, Cameroon is actually made of 200 ethnic groups, each of them having their own language and culture. So the culture and daily habits vary a lot depending on which region of Cameroon you are in. In the big cities, though, everyone is mingled no matter where they’re from. However, so many different ethnic groups cohabiting together often causes tension. There are also a lot of stereotypes about every ethnic group.

I grew up in the central and coastal areas of the country, and I’m Bassa. The Bassa are one of the main ethnic groups in Cameroon. If your parents are from two different ethnic groups, it is decided that you officially belong to your father’s ethnic group. My mother is Bakoko but my father is Bassa, so I’m the latter. When I meet another Cameroonian, two of the first questions we usually ask each other are : What are you (meaning, what’s your ethnic group) ? and Where is you village ?

Villages are very important in the Cameroonian culture. Your village is where your father’s ancestors were born. Even if you’re not born there, you usually have grandparents or great-uncles or family friends living there, and if you have enough money to do so you must regularly visit your village. And usually, when people earn enough money, they send money to their village so that people living there can have a better life, build more houses and schools etc.

Cameroonian food is very diverse, and varies depending on the region. The national dish is Ndolé, a dish made with ndolé leaves, stewed nuts, and meat (fish, beef or shrimps). Other common foods are bobolo and miondo (food made out of fermented manioc), soya (spicy grilled meat on skewers), and plantain. My dad is half-french though, so at home we eat almost as much french food as cameroonian food (crème brûlée, shepherd’s pie, beef bourguignon, A LOT of bread and cheese).

  • Language

There are hundreds of different languages, but the official languages are French and English. Cameroon was colonized by France and England so Northern Cameroon mainly speaks english and central/southern Cameroon mainly speaks french. Most people also speak their ethnic group’s language. I don’t know how to speak Bassa, though, because neither do my parents. When me and my siblings were kids, our dad asked our baby-sitter to teach us, but she could only do so much and I only remember a few words.

  • Beauty Standards

Like most countries, there is a lot of colorism in Cameroon based on European beauty standards. When you’re a woman, the lighter you are, the prettier and more desirable you are considered. Dark skinned women are often mocked and considered not as pretty. A lot of people, mainly women but also men, use dangerous products to lighten their skin. Internalized racism and white beauty standards are very insidious, and a lot of people want to look like white people, including me when I was younger. As a kid I remember wishing i was a pretty blonde-haired blue-eyed white girl like the heroines of the books i was reading. Growing up I stopped wishing that, but I relaxed and straightened my hair a lot, wanting to have long straight hair without realizing that it was still an attempt to look like the ideal version of a white girl. I’m sure that if I had more black female characters to relate to when I was growing up, I wouldn’t have spend so many years hating myself without even realizing I was doing it.

Also, Cameroonians usually consider thick, curvy women to be the ideal beauty standard. But being thin is still an ideal broadcast by the media (especially that american and european media are heavily broadcast and consumed in Cameroon) so most women still diet a lot and go to the gym to lose weight.

  • Clothing

Women wear a lot of skirts and dresses, be it casual or for work. Most cameroonian schools have uniforms and mandatory hairstyles (either cornrows or short shaved hair).

Elderly people often wear more traditional clothes and outfits. The most prominent traditional item of clothing is the Kaba. The Kaba is a long dress made of wax fabric and other materials and is owned by pretty much every woman. The dress looks different depending on the situation : the Kaba you wear when you stay at home is usually very long and very loose, the Kaba you wear during official/formal events is more tight-fitting and stylized, etc.

  • Dating and Relationships

I’ve never dated anyone, but when I was in high school none of my friends ever told their parents they were seeing someone. Having your parents know about and meet the person you’re dating after only a few weeks or months is something that just doesn’t happen (unless someone gets pregnant). It’s when things get serious that you introduce them to your family. Also, a lot of parents would prefer their children to marry someone from the same ethnic group.

Homosexuality is still illegal there, and you can go to jail for being gay.

  • Home/Family life

My parents are still happily married, and I have 3 siblings. My parents are both close to their siblings, and I’m close to mine. Me and my siblings grew up with our cousins, we were always at each other’s houses. I pretty much consider most of my cousins as extra siblings. We have a very big extended family and every day I discover new distant cousins, aunts, great-uncles etc. My dad being half-french, when I was growing up we sometimes went to France during summer to visit his relatives living there.

In Cameroon, most people who have enough money to do so send their children to study abroad once they’ve graduated high school. I’m currently living in France for my studies, and most of my high school friends are also going to college in France, England, Canada, Brussels, South Africa etc.

  • Identity issues

Despite being only ¼ white, I’m very light-skinned. My siblings being much darker skinned, when I was a kid I thought I was adopted (i’m not, it’s just genetics). Cameroon being a black country, when someone is visibly mixed and light-skinned as i am, most people just label them “white”. A lot of people would refer to me as “the white” and it always really hurt me. My family wouldn’t understand why i was so angry and hurt, they’d say “they don’t mean anything by it, it’s just that you’re light” but the fact is it made me feel like i don’t belong. I’m cameroonian, i’ve lived in Cameroon almost my entire life, i’m black, and still some people see me as “other”, they see me as white. And so for a long time, I didn’t dare to call myself black, I’d say “I’m biracial” or “I’m mixed” instead because I somehow felt like a fraud. But I’m black and not white-passing at all, and I still experience racism abroad (but I’m aware I have a lot more privilege than dark skinned people).

  • Daily struggles

So I’m currently living in France. On one hand, sometimes white people are racist toward me, or just totally obnoxious and ignorant, trying to touch my natural hair and thinking that people in Cameroon don’t have computers or whatever. On the other hand, when I randomly meet other cameroonians and we start talking, they always assume that because i’m mixed i’ve lived my entire life in France and i don’t know anything about Cameroon. And there’s nothing wrong with being a child of immigrants and not knowing the country your parents or grandparents came from, but i know that if i wasn’t visibly mixed they wouldn’t question the fact that i know Cameroon and lived there my entire life.

  • Misconceptions

Because of how the media depict African countries, a lot of people think that everyone in Africa is extremely poor and starving, that we don’t have electricity and internet and that everyone lives in huts. Which is so false. We have rich people and poor people, we have huge modern cities and regular cities and small villages with huts, almost everyone has access to a tv and internet, etc.

  • Things I’d like to see less of

Cameroon and other african countries being depicted as poor unfortunate countries where everyone is starving and illiterate and waiting for the generous white people to save us. What we need is for people to see us as the humans we are, and to allow us to grow in peace.

  • Things I’d like to see more of

Black african characters being written as the complex human beings we are. Shy black african characters. Nerdy and hella smart black african characters. Mixed black african characters who struggle with their identity. LGBTQ black african characters.

  • Tropes/Stereotypes I’m tired of seeing.

The “savage”, “uncivilized” african. African characters who are aggressive, dumb and shout all the time. The poor africans in need of saving by white people.

Craigslist room for rent goes sour.

I was in the process of joining the military, simply waiting for the date to enter service. “It would take at least a month, but no more than a year.” Apartment lease had expired, no month-to-month payment option. Looking for some short-term housing. I was single, worked 2 part time jobs, & had cash in savings. I’m quiet, flexible, simple needs. Just needed the simplest of accommodations. I went to Craig’s List.

Met with a woman who advertised a room for rent. We’ll call her “Jill”. Jill was 20something, single, and came from a wealthy family who bought her this small 3 bedroom house, gave her a nice car, paid her bills. Jill didn’t like to work, she just “sold her art”. She made awful graphic art fan fiction on her PC, probably never sold anything but was completely obsessed with her own work and would talk about it constantly. Jill had pets. So. Many. Pets. Like 20 cats, 4 dogs, a room of birds out of their cages, and several acquariums. A bit weird/slightly skewed version of reality, but seemed nice, had a room available and price was okay. I would pay a flat rate for rent and utilities, provide my own food, and come and go as I please. Neither of us ever signed anything, just details via text and email.

She benefited from my moving in as I had transferred my cable internet connection to her house. Got the modem hooked up and used my own wireless router and let her use it for free. I also have carpentry experience so I helper her repair some door frames and some wood trim in addition to patching up some drywall. Helped her out a lot, all while requesting nothing in return. The first week was nice.

Things fell apart rapidly after that. She became manipulative, started making financial demands. The electric bill was high, I needed to pay “my part”. She had bought enough groceries for both of us without informing me, but now that milk had soured and bread molded I needed to pay for “wasted groceries”. Old busted up door knob on the side of the house broke off while taking out trash, so I needed to buy a new one. Etc…

Individually these didn’t bother me much, but there was a pattern. After just weeks, living expenses had tripled the agreed upon amount. I told her that this couldn’t happen anymore. I would pay the agreed upon amount and buy my own food. Period. This settled things…for a week.

Got back from work. In my room my guitar was gone, and in its place, a bill. A bill from a plumber who had installed a toilet. “My bathroom” needed some work done. Jill had “lost all trust” that I would fulfill “financial obligations” after I “freaked out about money before.” My guitar was hostage, locked in her bedroom until I paid for her toilet upgrade. She literally added a padlock to her bedroom door.

Time to get out. I told her I was moving out the next day (a friend already offered me his guest-room). She could keep the guitar (it was a $100 pawn shop guitar). I wasn’t going to pay to fix her house anymore.

Upon packing things came the modem discussion. She was taking an online class since she now had an internet connection. She would get her own connection “in a few days”. I was angry with her but not yet vengeful. I agreed to let her use it until my connection got transferred.

A week later, called Jill the day before the cable transfer. She said she would drop off the equipment, oddly, only while I was at work. I texted a reminder, “please don’t forget to drop off modem”, and she responded, “left it in a bag outside your front door”. Weird, but whatever. I get home that night. No bag. No modem. I text, “did you leave it at the right house? can’t find it”, she responds, “yes”.

Cable got installed, still no modem. It’ll cost me if I don’t turn in the old one. Now I’m vengeful. She’s extorted money, I’ve been nothing but helpful and considerate, she’s stolen my things, now she’s probably lying and stealing more things - which will cost even more money.

Jill took a pottery class on Thursdays, out of the house for 2 hours. Her front door had a combination keypad for entry instead of keys. She claimed she would change the combo when I left, but probably didn’t know how to do that. Waited until after the time she left. Drove past. No one home. Parked a block away, walked to front door, entered the code. Still works. Straight to her bedroom. Not padlocked anymore. Look, there’s my router and modem, right where they shouldn’t be because they’re in a bag outside my friend’s place. Weird. Grab my modem & router, grab my guitar, insert a spare old burned admin copy of Win'98 into her cdrom, boot to CD, set it to work formatting her hard drive. She can complete Win'98 installation later, complained about Vista anyway. Probably won’t be able to retrieve her “art” and homework.

Back in my car within 5 minutes, at my friend’s place 10 minutes later. Jill’s pottery class still had another hour. I texted, “finally found the modem, bag must’ve blown into the bushes! Thanks for dropping it off! :D” I love to imagine whatever flurry of emotions she must have experienced at that moment…

Called me in a frantic rage 30 minutes later. “YOU STOLE FROM ME!!!” “What?? Jill…What are you talking about?” “YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND STOLE FROM ME!!!” “Wait…someone broke into the house?? I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about that… What did they take?” Her remarkable psychological gymnast skills. Walks right up to the ledge of almost admitting that she lied to me and stole my things (after-all, such an admission was required for her version of events to make any sense at all) and then psychologically-backflips away. She couldn’t do it. Her story was not compatible with reality. All she could muster was rage and empty threats and that phone call was the last time I ever heard from her. Honestly, at that point the stuff and the money involved was worth less to me than the fact that she had so much rage but couldn’t do anything about it. It brought me a little joy. The strangest part is that she never mentioned her computer at all…

anonymous asked:

Do you have a list of funny YOI fics? Doesn't need to have much as long as it makes me laugh!!!

I love a good laugh! I have read SO many hilarious fics, here are a few of them where I was dying from laughing so hard!

(The gif was made by @nikiforoov! Thank you!!)


Humor


Bottom’s Up by cryingoverspilledvodka, lucycamui, Teen, 4.3k
At the Grand Prix banquet, Victor’s been asked to sign an autograph for a very enthusiastic fan. Unfortunately, there’s a distinct lack of paper around. Fortunately, Yuuri has a suggestion. This is the best thing I have ever read, I’m still screaming HHAHHAHAHAHA

Amateur or Expert by Watermelonsmellinfellon, Teen, 1.9k
AU where Yuuri is a ice skating instructor and Victor is thirsty for him and will do whatever it takes for Yuuri to get to know him. Even if that means pretending to not know how to skate at all, even though he’s a five-time world champion. VERY cute, lots of fluff, and Victor is hilarious in this. Love!

better than sliced bread by ebenroot, Teen, 8.1k
in which we all assumed yuuri is the one to own a dakimakura but maybe that isn’t entirely the case. LMAOOOOO

Safety Hazards in St. Petersburg by lucycamui, Explicit, 3.7k
In which Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg and Victor discovers just how distracting living with him can be. I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH OMG

#KissOrHug by Aurum, Gen, 2.2k
Yuuri and Victor make #Victuri trend worldwide. Phichit accidentally makes it worse. This is is SO cute, it’s a must read!

he was a sk8er boy she said see you l8er boy by bookybookworm, Teen, 14k (WIP)
pika+chu: hello friends
katsudon-yuri: ummm
katsudon-yuri: what is this
pika+chu: this, young yuri, is a group chat

i’m just going to the store by bosbie, Teen, 7.2k
How Victor’s impulsiveness backfires and creates one of the greatest living internet memes to ever come out of Russia. THIS IS AMAZING HAHA

Habit by LFMH021, Teen, 2.8k
Yuuri has developed a habit. Before competitions, whenever he wants to concentrate and exercise at the same time, he faces the wall, braces his forearms on it and then wiggle his hips while trying to recite over and over again his routine. HAHAHAAHA

Turn Backwards on Go by inkwellstars, Not Rated, 5.3k
In which Yuuri and Victor, happily married and retired, find themselves thrown into the past and proceed to mess with everyone. One of the few time travel fics without angst. Super hilarious, too!

Katsuki Yuuri Fan Club by Katyaton, Teen, 2.2k
Yuuri has been adjusting well to life in St. Petersburg, making friends with the Russian skaters and slowly adapting to the new culture. When Viktor starts obsessing over something on his phone, though, Yuuri starts to worry. He suspects it’s something related to him and wants to find out what has Viktor so transfixed, but will the ensuing embarrassment be worth his curiosity? LOLOL

turn it, leave it, stop, format it by ebenroot, Explicit, 19k
“If you want, I can recommend you some security programs that you can download for free and protect your computer. That way, you won’t be at risk of losing these cute photos of your dog even when you browse websites like ‘Luscious Lonely Wives’.” Victor gives one long ‘haa’. “I don’t browse those websites,” he says through his straining smile. SO CUTE AND FUNNY! I love @ebenroot so much!!

lovesick by Ironinkpen, Teen, 2.7k
“Did the doctor send you?” When Yuuri doesn’t reply fast enough, since he’s still gaping like a fish, he turns to Yuri. “Did the doctor send him? Because wow,” He drops his arm and presses his hand to his chest like the dramatic bastard he is. “You’ve got to be the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh my god,” Yuri groans. “Is he hitting on you?” OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS FIC

The Goddamn Tie Has Got To Go by  Katyaton, Teen, 4.5k
Dear God. Yuuri was wearing the tie again.
The powdery blue monstrosity was not only unfashionable (and where did Yuuri even manage to acquire such a tie?), it also reminded Viktor, with shocking clarity, of a sweaty, half naked, pole dancing Yuuri. For the sake of his remaining dignity, Viktor needed to improvise a plan to dispose of it as soon as possible. You have to read this!

Sleep(talk) It Off by cerisecandy, Gen, 1.2k
Where Yuuri sleep-talks, Viktor remains awake and suffers, and another night passes at the Katsuki family inn. Lord have mercy I nearly died while reading this I was in stitches!!!

SkateSquad™ groupchat by stxmph, Teen, 50k (WIP)
(groupchat log of the skate squad) Rec’d by a follower!


If you have any more suggestions, feel free to reply to this post with your favourites!

ltarget replied to your photo “llllllance available on redbubble and society6!!!”

why does he look white? :/

i know these are only two comments out of thousands but i just want to address this i guess?

some people messaged me in the past about previous lance drawings i did that were too pale, and i really appreciated it because i was wrong and it was 100% something i needed to fix.

but in this case

his skin is just as dark as in canon. the only difference is that instead of yellow undertones, his skin has red undertones (because of the pink/purple lighting) and is less saturated (also because of lighting, similar to the 4th example where his skin has a gray cast).

the only thing i want to say by pointing this out is that you shouldn’t really say this kind of stuff without any basis, i guess. i’ve seen this happen to other artists, and unless they are really careful, the situation can quickly spiral out of control. you have the right to make criticisms, but on the internet it can have really awful consequences for the artist, which sucks if they didn’t do something bad. so before bringing this up please make sure the artist is actually getting something wrong.

As a former member of Congress representing New York’s 3rd congressional district, I want to chime in. I’ve seen activism from both ends — as an ordinary citizen and an elected official — and I’ve seen what works and specific actions we can all take that will truly resonate.

1. Show up

I recently recorded a video for Mic about the most effective action you can take to influence your lawmakers. To sum it up: In 2010, we saw the Tea Party quickly rise to power across the country as the Affordable Car Act was being considered. I remember some of my colleagues in Congress reporting back to me that they had held town halls, which usually attracted maybe 20 constituents, and walked into rooms filled with hundreds or even thousands of people. I saw for myself when I held a town hall on Obamacare and had to answer to hundreds of constituents asking me questions about the legislation.

You may not agree with their politics, but the Tea Party was effective in getting members of Congress to answer their questions and consider their opinions.

My call to you: Show up to events that your local congressperson or senator (on both the state and federal level) are hosting. Don’t know how to find that information? Call 202-224-3121 and asked to be connected to your member of Congress or senator. Ask them when their next public event is. Then show up and ask them why they voted a certain way, voice your support if you agree with what they’re doing, tell them why you disagree if you don’t agree with how they voted.

2. Join a civic organization

Yes, I likely have many years on you. I remember a time when there was no such thing as a home computer, never mind the internet. We are so much more powerful these days. We have access to an incredible amount of knowledge and can be part of networks without even leaving our couch. But, this is also a disadvantage. We don’t talk to each other face to face, and we hide behind a screen that allows us to retreat into our corners.

My call to you: Join an organization. Maybe it’s a church, synagogue or mosque. Maybe it’s a volunteer group. Maybe it’s a political organization or maybe it’s simply a book club. Talk to new people. Get to know what scares them and what motivates them. Don’t let the bullying and name calling that dominates public discourse detract from your own humanity. We need more opportunities to connect with each other in our increasingly polarized country.

3. Learn about how the government works

According to an Annenberg Public Policy survey done in 2015, only 31% of Americans can name all three branches of our government. There’s hardly a statistic that scares me more. We can do all the yelling and opining we want, but if we don’t understand how our government works, how can we expect to affect any positive change? Imagine an electrician showing up to your house who doesn’t know how the wiring works.

My call to you: Educate yourself! Re-read our Constitution, understand what it is our Founding Fathers were creating, know which branch controls which function of government. Read books like George Orwell’s 1984 or Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 to understand the warnings they share. We are all affected by government and laws at every level in our daily lives (Did you drive on roads today? See a law enforcement officer patrolling?). It’s imperative we understand its inner workings.

4. Devote half an hour every day to reading diverse sources of news

I get it. Reading news can be hard these days. In fact, it seems hard to separate fact from fiction. But Thomas Jefferson was right when he said, “An informed citizenry is at the heart of a dynamic democracy.” We cannot expect to hold the president and Congress accountable if we don’t know what they’re doing.

My call to you: Read the news. Devote a half an hour a day. Diversify your sources, but stick to real journalism. Avoid overly partisan rants on both sides.  Get the facts. Support our journalists — their jobs are more important than ever.

5. Vote!

This is a no-judgement zone, but I must ask: Did you vote this past November? Only 55% of Americans did. And that number gets even lower when we look at years in which there’s no presidential election. In 2014, only 36.4% of Americans took the time to make their voices heard. And we’re worse off because of it. Even though we only vote for a president every four years, we vote for state and local officials, congressmen and women and maybe your senator or governor on other years. Make sure you’re voting whenever there’s an election. All elections matter.

My call to you: In 2018, there will be a midterm election. Every member of Congress will be up for reelection, as well as many senators. Make sure you vote. Make sure your voice is heard. There’s nothing more important you can do as a citizen.

— Former Congressman Steve Israel, Read more

a honest study guide

As I am usually a straight A student, I thought I’d share some of my favourite study “hacks”, but be warned: i will not be gentle with you. I am going to tell you the brutal truth about getting great marks, because it is no use sugarcoating the fact that school is actually super hard work! 

discipline beats motivation

to be honest no matter how perfect your/any studyblr might be, looking at a blog will unfortunately never ever motivate you to study as hard as you will have to to get an A. Studyblrs may inspire you, but the one thing which will really get you studying is discipline. So, as cruel as it may sound, force yourself to be productive and you will get some serious work done.

Originally posted by prettylittleworldoflies

have no social life

… at least on some days. if you find it difficult to fit your studies into your social life, try reversing the whole thing. Don’t make plans with your friends on days during which you want/need to study. This definitely isn’t fun, I know, but for me, I often find it difficult to get work done when I have plans later that day as firstly, getting a certain amount of work done within a strict time limit stresses me out and secondly, you should definitely use all the time you can get - especially shortly before the upcoming exam.

Originally posted by geeky-ness

all-nighters equal bad time management

truth be told good students normally won’t have to pull all nighters as sleep is very important for not only your concentration but also for your health. To make sure that you get enough rest you should start studying as early as possible, for me that is normally one week before the particular exam, and plan what you will do on which day without trying to fit everything into the last minute. That will leave you relaxed, well rested and concentrated on the day of your exam.

Originally posted by suitelikechocolate

find something that keeps you going

i usually drink a lot of coffee when i am studying, because during a hard study session i need to stay focused and awake. If you don’t like coffee, you could also go for black tea or green tea or simply some fruit as it is very important to get some vitamins (or in my case caffeine) in your system to not fall asleep while working.

Originally posted by whymywriteriscrying

ask for help

whether you swap notes with your colleagues or you mail the professor some questions doesn’t matter at all. It’s only important that you accept that you probably won’t be able to do everything on your own, so find yourself a study partner, ask questions when something seems unclear to you or even get a tutor. And definitely don’t be embarrassed about asking questions! Nobody knows everything.

Originally posted by adolescencia-turbulenta

no distractions

studying is boring and you might find that music makes it a little more exciting, but often listening to music or taking a lot of breaks is only keeping you from getting work done. So suck it up and study either silently, to classical music or to relaxing noises you can find on the internet. Also try not to take too many breaks. Don’t overwork yourself, of course, but also try to stay focused for longer than 15 minutes as this will allow you to be more productive and don’t study with friends if you end up chit-chatting to each other instead of working.

Originally posted by droneandting

write everything down

even if you have a good memory, you won’t be able to remember a thing after class, so suck it up, don’t talk to your desk mate and focus on writing everything important down what the teacher says. even if you get handed enough material there will still be things which you should write down such as explanations, examples and additional information. that will help you later on to understand what you are actually studying.

Originally posted by teendotcom

you absolutely need to study

don’t ever think, no matter how much attention you’ve paid in class or how good you are at a certain subject, that you won’t have to study. there is always work to get done and if you are already good at something work on being better to excel at academics. 

Originally posted by dadgan

(i added fun gifs, because it seemed a little too harsh - good luck, babes, you are going to pass your exams) 

“A Wish for 100″

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Midnight strikes, officially marking Bucky’s 100th birthday. You surprise the super-soldier with a small treat and a gift that has potential to change everything.

A/N: ending the last few hours of the day by wishing a happy 100th to our sweet plum, bucky barnes! // i wrote this in 7 minutes (i timed myself, hurrah) so it’s an incoherent mess. i’ll probably delete this sometime next week xx

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Bucky leans against the headboard of his bed, bringing the covers closer to his body before crossing his arms against his chest. He watches as the second hand of the clock make its way around, hypnotically ticking away.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

In a few minutes, he’ll be 100-years-old, and it baffles him that he’s been on this planet for a century. He’s outlived his parents, his contemporaries, and everything he considered to be home. His age isn’t something he’s too keen on, especially since he’s spent over half of those “one hundred years of life” as a brainwashed weapon for a terrorist organization.

Birthdays are still a weird concept, and he prefers to not make a big deal out of them. He’s requested his teammates to treat it like any other day, and he doesn’t want any special attention. Lucky for him, the Avengers members with a flare for surprises and events are on a mission, and hopefully the rest of the team will oblige to his request.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

His breath hitches.

It’s midnight.

Keep reading

Black Girl, NYC

Greetings people. I identify as a Black female who was born and raised in NYC. I am slowly progressing through my study of education and history in college. Other then that, I spend (probably) an unhealthy amount of time reading and writing sci fi and fantasy. But by high school, I got sick and tired of the same story featuring blonds and brunettes saving the day with their straight, lean male heroes so I turned to my librarian seeking something new. She pointed to Octavia Butler and the rest was history. I’ve been seeking diversity in media ever since.

Family life and Culture

I grew as the middle child of six siblings with my single mother and grandparents. Yes, my working-class household fits the stereotype. We even have an absent father *sighs* But, hey shit happens. And with the biological father turns out not to be the best father figure, shit had to go right out the door. Yup. But make no mistake that this is a norm. Most households on my block do have both parents involved in their children’s lives. Our circumstances called for us to have one. That’s all.

The house was full, loud and rambunctious. We made up a good portion of the children on the block (unsurprising) and basically ran it. There’s a whole novel that could be fleshed out of my childhood if I wanted to. Our neighborhood is very tight knit. Next door neighbors were treated like Aunts and Uncles. When summer came around, we were sometimes divided into groups as the parents who were off from work overlooked us while braiding our heads. Blackouts became an all night bbq and sleepover on each other’s porches. Crooklyn by Spike Lee was a good representation of what it was like in fact. Somewhat. Minus the brownstones, plus a couple more fights (lol).

My grandma was a nurse who’s pretty big on us knowing our family history. She made sure to talk a lot about our Gullah Geechee roots. We also had some Dominican culture influence since her closest friend and our Madrina was, well, Dominican. But she is fairly strict on gender norms and how my sisters and I should act especially with brothers. She antagonized me the most growing up because I continued to ignore this. We don’t get along but i can’t say i don’t get why she’s the way she is. She has a pretty dark past. My mother, a latchkey kid of the finest stock, is more laid back and gives all of us free range to make our own mistakes. Most times. Other times, she’d rather lecture us. Depends on our crime.

I don’t know what my grandpa used to do. He retired waaaaay before my grandmother. I also don’t know much about his culture. He’s 1st gen Jamaican who fully assimilated into American culture. Well, beside his food choices. Now, he gambles and goes to church. When I was younger, he used to teach us how to gamble too. And how to cheat and not get caught. We got a lot of free fast food while he taught us. He has gotten more frugal the older he got. And more isolated.

Dating and Relationships.

I don’t date. I have no interest. Well, no, that’s not exactly true. I’ve considered it but I rather have not seek out anything outside of platonic right now. I have a tight knit circle of friends and several other groups of friends I associate with depending on the activity. I’m realizing it seems like I’m using the term “friends” loosely but I swear I’m not. I’m a virgin and I feel nothing about being one until someone goes “*gasp* You’re a virgin really?” and then I end up on high defense saying “So?” Believe or not, that messed with me a lot.

My love life and lack of interest in having one has always been a struggle. In middle school, the group of friends I hung with were becoming more infatuated with love and sex. Yes, middle school, fifth through eighth grade, ages nine to thirteen. But, when they would talked about who’s hot or not, they would look at me funny when I didn’t join in the discussion. Instead of explaining myself, I simply copied other’s reactions and gushed along with them. This instinct followed me through High school til stopped out of annoyance. I became a listener and adviser in their relationships because I really do love stories in many shapes and forms. And I would never turn down hearing a story.

Language

My primary language is English and AAVE. I’ve been living in a neighborhood filled with Blacks and Latinx. Most of my friends are Black and Lantinx. I didn’t meet a white person my age until college. Okay that’s a partial lie. I’ve been in a summer camp that was made up of predominantly white children. But as the only black kid in my age range, I was sorta uncomfortable. I never made lasting friends there. After High School, I spent a year abroad in Tena, Ecuador where I learned Spanish and Kichwa. I still suck at both languages.

Clothing

Lots of my clothes when I was younger were borrowed or hand-me-downs. Half of them still are. It’s like thrift shopping without the hiked prices thanks to its popularity by rich white people (Thanks rich white people!) All my siblings’ taste varies. In my case, I’m fond of combining loose and tight clothing (tight jeans and a loose sweater/ baggy jeans and a tight top). No makeup. Silver accessories.

I used to have a short bob cut permed. I hated it. But I rather a perm then getting my hair straightened with a hot comb because the back of my neck and big ears would always get burned. It wasn’t until I made a friend with a natural afro that I realized my natural hair was even an option.

Academics

Lol I was a nerd with bad grades.

Religion

My family practices Santeria, which has historical roots in both Catholicism and Yoruba thanks to slavery (Yay slavery!). However, because the religion is not fully accepted or well-known, I tend to say I’m simply Catholic if asked. Apparently, a Black Catholic is hard to believe. It is assumed all Black folks are Baptists or some branch of Christianity. I have no idea where that stereotype came from. But I can give some guess. (*cough cough* Tyler Perry….).  

As I stated before, I love scifi and fantasy. I especially love urban fantasy involving witches. I blame this love on Practical Magic and Eve’s Bayou, my childhood faves. It’s because of this love that I wish to see more stories with witches of color. And no, I don’t mean that one evil/mysterious southern/Caribbean Voodoo/Hoodoo witch hollywood loves to portray so much. That always plays into the “Black is evil” trope. Give me some damn variety!

I would squeal so hard if the mythology involved in a story isn’t even Eurocentric. I’m not joking. This is serious. When my religion was simply hinted at in the Raven Boys series (It was also a great way of making even more obvious that the character was definitely not white.) and Kenya Wright’s Habitat series, I squealed. All the authors did was write the names of some of the Orishas and I couldn’t help but put my phone down for a moment and inwardly scream with glee. That being said, if a writer does decide to use afrocentric or any religion involving “witchcraft” as a basis, I would personally ask that they make sure is is not a closed religion.

Santeria is, in fact, a closed religion. And while I don’t mind mentions of it in fantasy and even a main character stating they practice it, do not go any further than that. Don’t even research the practices within the religion other than what is public knowledge (And if you don’t have any public knowledge, just ask) Respect that there’s a limit. Anything further spelunking  is consider rude, disgusting, disrespectful and dangerous. There’s things that I don’t even know because I haven’t been properly initiated. And the internet has a lot of these practices exposed when it shouldn’t be so please don’t look into it. Please.

Food

Most of the cooking in the house has been done by my grandmother. Because of her various relationships, our food has always been a mixture of Black American, Gullah, Lantinx and Caribbean influences. It is so good. So, so good!

The only thing I don’t eat of hers is her seafood gumbo because I don’t like shellfish. One of my sisters said I should have my “black card” taken for my distaste. I said she could take it if she can name more black movies than me. She still can’t take it. My other sister wishes we could switch places because she loves crab but is allergic. The crazy girl actually sends her husband to buy some benadryl so she can eat some if we ever have some on the table. Smh. Siblings.  

Holidays

My family on both sides are quite fond of reunions. On my grandpa’s side, the family uses Fourth of July and Christmas to get together. On my grandma’s side, they tend to host annual summer reunion and send out RSVP invitations complete with schedules of the whole two to three day event. I didn’t mention this under my family life, but both sides of my family are boujee to different degrees. Lots of black sorors and frats members on both sides. I can’t believe that slipped my mind typing.

I’m a little iffy with Christmas. It’s more of a holiday for the older generation and our niece and nephews. The younger generation, however, don’t particularly care for the holiday. For some of us, it’s because it’s not really Jesus’s Birthday and Santa was whitewashed. For others, it’s because we don’t care to feed into the corporate holiday. For most of us, it’s a combination of the two. But we do love getting together when we can. My older sister and I have conspired to celebrate kwanzaa instead for the past two years. So far, it hasn’t grasped the interest of anyone else in the family.

Struggles

  • Being nerds from a young age, my siblings and I have been called “Oreos” or“Not really black” by kids in school on more than one occasion. We shut them down by fighting. Probably not the best strategy but it was best one I could think of in middle school and below. Made it easier to go back to reading my manga.

  • I got compared to my sisters a lot. It was the absolutely most annoying thing ever. And a major source of my insecurities growing older.

  • Need I address colorism? My highschool was filled with it. #TeamLight v #TeamDark. I was on neither team, because in the region I live, skin color was a pretty long spectrum. I fell in the between. Who came up with this?

  • I’ll admit it. I hate my own tears. They make me feel weak. Which isn’t true…I know. But, it is a mentality I always had. I have depression and PTSD. This isn’t really a secret. I tell people if I’m asked. But have you ever had someone look at you and say, “Really? You don’t seem like the type.” ……

  • I am a black female. I’ve been labelled “Strong” and “Independent” the older I got. By my mother. By my siblings. By my peers. And I get those labels. Even from friends. I loved those labels. I call myself by those labels. I mean, who doesn’t want to be seen as strong and independent? Those are positive affirmations, right? I think they would be. If that wasn’t all the positive labels we could get. Somehow, society has decided we are beings that are incapable of being multifaceted. I was indirectly taught to hate my own tears because black girls don’t cry. You can’t cry and be strong. What a terrible mantra fed to black girl at a young age. So, instead you tell everyone “It’s fine.”

I told my therapist it was fine. Until she told me straight up it was not fine. And it was okay to cry. I don’t like to cry. But I still (involuntarily) did it.

Things I’d like to see less of/Things I’d like to see more of:

  • I’m sick and tired of seeing black and latinx folks being portrayed as only fantasy gangs members. We are not only gang members. That’s a terrible popular myth the media put out there and I hate it even more so when it’s portrayed in SFF genre..

  • I’m tired of having one black person in a novel being described as having skin the color of “midnight.” And he’s (it’s always a he) not even that important to the story

  • I hate how every time someone decides to add a person of color, they have to be ambiguous brown. I’m not saying ambiguously brown don’t exist and don’t need representation but is it really that had for a dark brown skin person to play a major role in a story that’s not about slavery? Speaking of which….

  • Why we always gotta be slaves? Or better yet….

  • Why don’t we exist at all in High fantasy stories? Urban fantasy? Brooklyn wasn’t always the gentrified white town it is now. Still isn’t. How are you erasing people of color from NYC??? We make up way too much of the population to be completely erased

  • Stop racial coding other creatures to surround your white human characters. Especially as the bad guys. That’s just shitty writing. Step up your game!

  • I love Black love

  • I love Gay love. I wish more would follow moonlight’s example and show poc are gay too and gay doesn’t always equal to stereotypical femininity.

  • I love interracial love HOWEVER, can we pair people of color with other people of color as well? I’m starting to hate seeing it always a white person paired with a Poc. Variety damnit!

  • Friendships between boys and girls that don’t transform into love.

  • Friendships between girls that didn’t start out as a rivalry.

  • Different body types besides the skinny and tall. Make a main character that’s fat for once. It’s not a problem.

  • Magical characters of color that aren’t “Noble Savages” or “Wise Monks” that used their magic for personal gain for once instead of waiting for the white hero to come.

  • Nerdy black characters who aren’t 100% competent and cries. One that isn’t in a five token band that always gonna be compare to the white main character. Make the nerd the main character!

That’s all I can think of at the top of my head. But my list really does go on. 

OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
TT: Will I just cease to exist?
TG: i dont know
TG: i mean your whole timeline will
TG: maybe
TT: Maybe?
TT: Is there a chance it’ll continue to exist, and I’ll just be here alone forever?
TT: I’m not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
TG: the thing with time travel is
TG: you cant overthink it
TG: just roll with it and see what happens
TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
TT: What do you think I should do?
TG: try going to sleep
TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
TT: Ok.
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word “self” and still understand what we’re talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.)  Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending.  Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

Talks Machina (Episode 88 spoilers!)

Highlights from this week’s episode:

  • This week’s pre-show message from Denise: “Brian is a puppet and I’m pulling the strings.”
  • Overwatch mention! Brian shout-outs D.Va, Marisha’s all about Symmetra, Matt breaks out the McCree voice.
  • 1PM Saturday, much of CR will be playing Mansions of Madness on the stream, and Matt will be guesting on a show at 11AM as well.
  • Brian: Our special guest, Gil Ramirez. Marisha: (whispers) Don’t fuck us, Gil.
  • Gil was helping out in the twitch chat from episode one. He’s also been smithing for sixteen years!
  • Gil uses liquid mercury to balance his steel dice. Travis: …you just have liquid mercury hanging around?
  • Gil and Taliesin both have a periodic table collection.
  • Gil takes off his button-down to reveal a t-shirt that just reads “Don’t fuck me, Gil.” with “Dammit Gil!” on the back.
  • Gil pulls out cards that read “Malks Tachina” that are all sick burns on Brian.
  • 4:46:50 total gameplay time last week. VM had 936 total HP at the start of the kraken battle, ended with 70 total HP.
  • A fan points out the similarities between the kraken fight and the Kobayashi Maru in Star Trek–an unwinnable fight to see how you do under great pressure. Marisha points out that nobody is expected to do the Aramente alone, but they’re never told that explicitly, so Keyleth’s been figuring that out, and that was one of the big lessons here. When she decided to planeshift out, she had to trust that Grog was going to finish it without her. She’s been moving beyond her previous urge to be self-sacrificial.
  • Matt points out that if Keyleth had stayed, Grog probably would’ve stayed until the end, too, and things would’ve gone a lot worse.
  • Matt wasn’t playing the kraken to full intelligence (his argument being that the rules-as-written version is better suited to being a full-arc villain kind of deal), but if they’d decided to talk to it, it probably would’ve stalled long enough to get everyone exactly where it wanted them.
  • Travis on Tary not using Luck to reroll: Either he is the most genius, maniacal character in a long-running arc… or he just rolled shitty dice because Gil fucked him.
  • Keyleth would’ve rather failed the Aramente than kill the kraken or lose her party.
  • A question on screen flashes twice. Laura (who isn’t even on the show this week) immediately tweets “Two flashes!! Free Denise.”
  • Grog was trying to abide by Keyleth’s rules of not killing the thing, but his whole priority was getting Vax out, because he realized that not getting him out while he was unconscious might’ve meant losing his body for good. Matt points out that it worked out well that it was always Grog getting eaten, because he was more likely than most of the other party members to deal enough damage to get out.
  • Why didn’t the water ashari let Korren and Keyleth know Vilya was suspected dead? Matt starts to answer, then admits it’s mostly just to maintain narrative drama, because that’s how storytelling works.
  • Gil wonders whether one of the lodestones could be Keyleth’s mom. Marisha: …my mom is octopoo?
  • Grog’s decision on leaving Tary mostly boiled down to “…eh.” Grog didn’t mind too much that Percy made him go back for Tary, because he didn’t feel too strongly about leaving him behind, but there might be consequences once Friends wears off.
  • Keyleth would’ve definitely still planeshifted out if Grog and Vax’s positions had been reversed. She trusted that Vax would’ve managed to get out, too.
  • Travis’ wise words on the Raven Queen: “Didn’t she need the blood jacuzzi to get the thing going?”
  • Travis thinks Grog would be interested in participating in Vax’s ritual.
  • Travis was stoked for Vax to join the Dead Club, but he has no idea how it’s going to go because of the Raven Queen.
  • Matt re: people yelling about revivify/resurrection no matter the outcome: “I… mostly don’t care. I’m still a sensitive boy.”
  • Brian brings back the intro to the first episode, in which Matt points out that this is the continuation of a home-game and number-crunching shouldn’t be the priority. Of course, Critrolestats is an exception: “They keep track of the numbers we like.”
  • Brian: “Discussions are great, and we love talking about the show even if we disagree… but when it gets to be this weird thing where people are… it’s like, guys, you’re kind of embarrassing yourself. Like, give me a break, dad. Maybe intense scrutiny of a D&D game that’s on the internet isn’t the best way to live your life.”
  • Travis: “I’ll never go on [reddit]. It requires reading, right?”
  • Matt thinks the kraken was probably watching the party for a while, and then Tary’s natural one was a focus point. If they hadn’t failed that challenge, they might’ve had to fight it as they were escaping.
  • The one spell Marisha forgot to write down on her spell sheet was Freedom of Movement, which would’ve been incredibly clutch in the fight. Matt forgot about it, too.
  • Matt points out that everyone had an extremely stressful week leading up to that episode. Brian mentions that he’s known everyone for a while, now, and they all generally act the same on-screen as they do off-screen, so they’re not gonna be putting on an act. Sometimes you just get a bit of a slog playing D&D when everyone’s exhausted, but it can still be fun as long as people aren’t going over every decision with a magnifying glass.
  • SURPRISE ASHLEY WITH AMAZING HAT ON AFTER-DARK

After dark:

  • The first shot after the break is just a close-up of Trinket.
  • Matt to Travis, in one of the best out-of-context quotes thus far: “So what you’re saying is that your deviantart is full of vore?”
  • If Grog had an intelligence of 20 for 24 hours, he’d probably go down to Percy’s workshop and build something.
  • Matt ran a session pre-stream that was just Pike and Vax, in which the two of them had to fight a chimera. There was also one that was just Vax, Scanlan, and Pike.
  • If Grog had been left behind and died, Ashley thinks Pike would’ve pulled a Scanlan and left the party, then would’ve gone to go live under the sea until she found him, and would’ve kept his body until she got True Resurrection, “even if it took a hundred years”, so she could bring him back.
  • Matt re: Keyleth being the only one who hasn’t died: “No, there’s a reason for that. Because she’s my fiancee and I give her special treatment.” Marisha: “Don’t say that even in jest!” Matt: “No, if that were true, I wouldn’t sleep on the couch as often.” Marisha: “They’ll believe that, too! They’ll actually think that’s true!”
  • Ten or higher on that saving throw and Grog would’ve died in the kraken. Matt rolled a nine (which is why he tweeted the picture).
  • Marisha’s biggest fear re: ways for her character to die was tripping and falling in lava, which just about happened, so almost anything else would’ve been okay in comparison. Brian: “Keyleth died doing what she loved: a series of errors.” Marisha: “Failing.”
  • Travis’s Xbox gamertag is MeatyAlbatross.