I am not a tumblr girl anymore..
When I look in the mirror today I do not see the same girl that looked in the mirror two years ago. Two years ago, I was a girl hell bent on being the perfect ‘tumblr girl’. I spent hours on tumblr trying to become famous, hours trying to get people to like me, hours trying to get that perfect photo with the perfect light and the perfect makeup and the perfect clothes. And it worked..I was not famous by any means but I had collected enough followers to be considered a tumblr girl. Daily, I got messages like “how are you so skinny”, “ I wish I was you”, “ you’re so perfect”, and yet I could not believe them. Being a tumblr girl made me feel the most empty I had ever been in my life and brought to the surface demons I never thought I would have to face. An eating disorder, severe depression, an anxiety disorder. My life was in turmoil and without realizing it that turmoil made my tumblr take off. People fed on it, I am not sure if they pitied me, truly cared, or found a connection with me because I was suffering like them. But never the less, I took a break from tumblr and go the help I needed and started to turn my life around. The girl I see today is not a ‘tumblr girl’ but has transformed into a woman. I am a woman. I don’t strive for the acceptance and compliments of others because I see and acknowledge that in myself. I am strong. I am confident. I am me. I no longer get hundreds of messages, I no longer get thousands of notes on photos, I am actually losing followers daily on instagram because I am no longer deemed interesting. But I could care less. I am happy and I am healthy. So as I sit here writing this I am using this ‘fame’, if you could even call it that, I received from striving toward the impossible to reach out to girls out there trying to become that ‘tumblr girl’. It’s not worth it. Trust me when I say there is so much more value in truly uplifting yourself and learning to love yourself then becoming a slave to trying to get compliments and approval from others. Learn from my mistakes because being a tumblr girl never brought me any happiness but being a woman, I am the happiest I’ve ever been.