this is the kind of double standard bullshit that i hate

So I’m working on the Kakashi’s Wish translation (the time travel comic) and there’s a part where Minato is quoting Hiruzen as saying that a Hokage has to consider every person in the village as his own family, which definitely comes from canon. I don’t believe canon ever calls Hiruzen out for his hypocrisy on this one, especially given that Boruto heavily relies on the theme of “Naruto the Hokage must put the village’s needs above his family’s wants”, but Hiruzen is such a hypocrite on this one.

Why do I say that? Because you can compare the treatment of Konohamaru, the Sandaime’s orphan grandson, to the other orphans in the series, and it’s not even close.

The reader first meets Konohamaru–who gets called “Honoured Grandson”–with his dedicated tutor Ebisu, who was in fact a tokubetsu jounin who specialized in teaching–in short, the person who Konoha considered to be the best teacher in all of Konoha. Ebisu got assigned to Konohamaru when he was just starting out at the academy, to teach him one-on-one. And sure, Konohamaru showed talent, but certainly less than Sasuke did; and one could easily argue that if Ebisu was going to have one-on-one time with anyone, it ought to have been Naruto, who was so massively underperforming considering the potential of his heritage and his chakra pool.

So Konohamaru, the Third’s grandson, got the best teacher in Konoha as his personal tutor, whereas other orphans didn’t get any tutor at all. Plus I will bet you a hundred thousand ryo that Konohamaru didn’t live alone, didn’t have to cook and clean for himself, and didn’t have to budget to be able to afford enough instant ramen to live.

“Everyone in Konoha is like my family”. Hiruzen could be such a great character because he’s such a flawed person, someone who 100% believes his own bullshit and who sincerely thinks he’s doing the right thing. His nickname of “the Professor” is too right because he’s honestly the worst of that kind of ivory tower stereotype that has these lofty ideals and believes in them so passionately but lacks the self-awareness to see how completely he’s failing these ideals in practice. He believes so hard that he’s Kindly Grandpa Hokage, but so many of the worst tragedies of the series are directly traceable to his actions or inactions.

Naruto the series came so close to giving some really powerful examples of how just intending to do the right thing is not enough (Itachi is an even more tragic example). The story shows so clearly how their choices massively backfired that I honestly forget sometimes that the story right to the end seems to think that the only thing that matters is that they were Good Guys Who Did the Right Thing. Don’t look any closer than that, don’t ask yourself if they did have other choices (even if they honestly didn’t perceive any), definitely don’t ask if some of the “wrong” choices wouldn’t have been more moral or had better results than the ones they actually took. (Would the death toll of innocents have truly been higher if Itachi had allied with his clan’s coup? If he had taken out Danzo and his sympathizers covertly to allow Hiruzen and the more moderate elements control? If he had attempted to whistleblow to Konoha at large all the fuckery that was going on? If he had decided “fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you, we’re out” and took li’l Sasuke and ran off to another country to open a dango and tomato stand? But I’m getting down a rabbit hole now. [Somebody write me an AU about Itachi and Li’l Sasuke’s Tomato ‘n’ Dango Shoppe.])

IDK if I should tag this hiruzen sarutobi or not? Does this count as character hate? IDK. If there are any Hiruzen fans who feel offended that this is tagged that, let me know and I will remove the tag and/or throw down with you about Hiruzen’s fuckboy-ness at your leisure.

Don’t call me unfeeling. Don’t.

Call me bitch, call me whore, call me slut - I can deal with that. I can take those words, I can take bitch and wear it like armor. I can take bitch and cloak myself in it, throw it round my shoulders and thread it through my hair. Bitch is music to my ears, a reason for me to bare my teeth, a symphony that sharpens my tongue and will cut you down.

Whore is red lips and black leather boots and every reason you can’t have me. Whore is a reflection upon yourself; it’s your lust and your shortcomings and the poison that builds up inside you when you realise that I’m not going to lay down and let you skewer me. It’s the bullshit that you tell yourself, the acid you feel in the base of your throat that spews out in the form of this word because I am not yours.

Slut is nothing. Slut is your last resort, the stuttering shreds of insults you - and every one like you - fall back on because you think it will hurt. You think I’ll cower at a four letter word that’s stolen from slave drivers, from pedophiles, the scum of the fucking earth. You think that it can tear me down? You think that the gross double standard can strip the steel from my back and make me close my lips and be silent?

Bitch, whore, slut. It makes no difference. They’re words you spit in my face, hot and hateful, when I’m too big for you. When I tower above your sniveling form, these are the pathetic insults that you vomit from your slimy little lips in the hope that they will chip away at my walls.

I will walk away. I will laugh, and it will be a thousand times sharper than anything you could muster. I’ll leave you, embittered by your own tongue, cowering in the shadows. I’ll leave you to your muttered fury, the kind that cannot even hope to challenge mine - I’ll leave you to your supposed niceties. I’ll smirk at the dichotomy, the bitch and nice guy in the same space, the same breath.

But don’t call me unfeeling. Don’t mistake my strength for callousness. I feel more than you could imagine. I am black fury before a storm, I am pink sunset, I am the glory of burnt orange sunrise meeting unsullied blue - I feel, and it exists under my skin. It’s fire and ice, mixing and roiling and spitting and erupting in steam that blows the hair back from your face. I am passionate, I am human.

Don’t reduce me to paper and ink. Don’t tell me I’m there for you to lust after. I am anger, and sadness, and love, and happiness. I am every colour of the rainbow splashed across canvas, across skin, and I will not be simplified by the likes of you.

—  E.S.C

It’s been sometime since TVD ended. But I need to say this. I need to say that some people who vehemently defend Bonnie as a “victim” make some very unfair comments towards Kai.

Unfair comment #1) He did a horrible thing to leave her behind like that. 

No he did not. Kai did not owe Bonnie anything. All Bonnie had tried to do was leave him behind to an eternity of isolation, and psychological torture. So how can people be angry at him for leaving her behind? How would you feel about the idea of bringing a person who tried to leave you to psychological torture, back with you? I mean why the fuck does Kai owe it to her, to take someone who wanted to leave him to isolation and psychological torture back home with him? I mean what the fuck? I’m sorry, but what the fuck?

I mean it was okay for Bonnie to try and leave Kai behind? But apparently there are double standards, because it was wrong for Kai to leave Bonnie behind?

The only problem I saw was Bonnie tried in 1994 but lost. Kai tried but won. 

Bullshit #2) Bonnie was so desperate that Kai not get out, she gave up her only way of getting out,  and left herself vulnerable to a sociopath. She even makes it clear to Kai, she’d rather be in isolation than be in his company. But when she gets exactly what she asked for, she dares to complain about it? Bonnie is a classic example of “be careful what you wish for” What upset Bonnie was the fact that she lost. What upset Bonnie was that she gave up everything for nothing. What upset her was that Kai checkmated her. Because as long as Kai was still stuck in the prison world she would have been able to handle her isolation, holding onto her success. Or holding onto the idea that she could talk to Kai at anytime, even if she chooses not to act on it.

Bullshit #3) “He left me alone,”

For someone who is incredibly selfless, she lacks empathy here. Empathy is not the same as feeling sorry for somebody. Empathy is the understanding of another’s persons feelings and behaviour, that “may” cause the person to feel sympathy for the person they have empathy for. 

You can feel empathy without feeling sympathy. You can feel sympathy without empathy. 

Bonnie felt no empathy whatsoever.

If Bonnie felt empathy, she would realize that in her sentence, “He left me alone,” these things:

That she was being incredibly unfair towards Kai. I mean to expect a person to take you back with them, or to stay with you in the prison world, after you had tried to confine them to psychological torture and isolation twice is incredibly unfair. She spoke that statement like her and Kai were buddies or something. They were not. They were enemies, and Kai owed her nothing. Just as Bonnie owed him nothing. 

If she had empathy, she would understand that Kai’s actions were reasonable in accordance with the way she had treated him. That doesn’t mean that she can’t hate him for it of course, but:

Bonnie seemed a little one dimensional in my opinion. It was just hatred. Even those who are going through strong hatred and anger, question themselves too, question what happened, try to understand why etc? It’s what makes us human, and multilayered. Bonnie didn’t go through that state of disorder. She was simply “I hate him” and then a few moments later she was okay. (I’m exaggerating when I say a few moments later - but she healed from her so called PTSD very quickly, which is unrealistic). Bonnie has never really been explored in that kind of depth. Whatever emotion they get her to show works for the benefit of her friends in the long run. 

How would Kai who is Anti MFG help Elena, Caroline, Damon, etc?

Jackson Wang//Best Friend’s Brother - Part 9

Prompt: You and your best friend, Jess, are determined to have the best, craziest summer ever, but her big brother is back from his gap year along with some of his friends and is dead set on joining the fun…
Scenario: Fluff, angst, suggested smut in later chapters
Word Count: 4,027

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Keep reading

for the last time: clexa fandom needs to stop talking about bellamy blake since they are incapable of leaving their racism and double standards out of it and southern asians deserve to feel safe just as much as wlw do

im just gonna be honest. i, and dozens of other southern asian girls i am friends with feel unsafe and fucking terrified by the normalized, unconscious and insidious racism white wlw fandom constantly spews against southern asians under the guise of feminism and wlw rights

like….we are actual people who exist. we have suffered centuries of racism. we have internet access and can read the shit you say. your racism in fandom has real life implications. some of us are wlw and we can’t even enter fandom wlw safe spaces because every time we do, we see your unchecked violent and casual racism against us and feel sick to our stomachs seeing how much yall hate us and how your racism colors every aspect of how you consume media with us in it. 

yall twist facts to make moc look bad and abusive and evil, you twist narratives to favor white women and you ignore everything white people are guilty of. it’s fucking terrifying. you will never, ever stop seeing us through your racist templates and will always reply to us calling your racism out with “you are being sapphobic” because you’re obtuse and never ever want to face your racism.

one of the ugliest posts ive ever read

13. Why were male characters allowed to berate and blame women for everything? How come Jasper hated Clarke for Mt. Weather even though Bellamy was equally responsible? In what world did Bellamy have the right to guilt trip Clarke about Mt. Weather when he pulled the lever with her?

trusting lexa the first time was on clarke. the irradiation was on all 3 of them. bellamy was mad at clarke for trusting her a SECOND TIME. he “guilt tripped” her about leaving his sister to die in tondc, not for pulling the lever. check your facts. 

i dont know what world you can claim bellamy is abusive for getting upset with his friend for trying to sacrifice his sister + lying to him to manipulate him into continuing on his suicide mission + trusting the enemy that was the reason they’re so weighed down with guilt and self hatred

especially when ur completely silent about actual abuse: octavia hitting lincoln and beating the shit out of bellamy (which yall condone); lexa kidnapping clarke, blaming her for her own betrayal as an attempt to minimise clarke’s feelings of deep guilt and anger, and holding her against her will for two weeks; clarke spitting on, holding a knife against lex’s throat and telling her to kill herself, and abby slapping raven, a disabled teenager across her face for something her own daughter did

try telling me this isn’t a racist bias. 


14. Why is Clarke responsible for Bellamy’s actions? Why is her function in their relationship to keep him in line and absorb blame for his actions?

why the fuck do yall insist that clarke is responsible for bellamy’s actions? who do you constantly paint the brown man as abusive, sleazy, predatory and creepy? it’s literally canon that bellamy sided with pike because the grounders were a legitimate threat. we have 2 seasons of evidence that trusting lexa would not have been a wise decision for their survival. where the fuck is the proof that bellamy 

a. blamed clarke for his actions

b. would not have sided with pike if clarke was there (if clarke was at arkadia the situation would have never even occurred lmao) 

the only people who have accused bellamy of doing what he did because of clarke is you guys. stop pulling logic out of your ass to baselessly accuse men of color of being creepily dependent on girls in order to further demonize them


17. Why was the massacre of the Grounders treated as a morally grey decision when it was an objective act of war fueled by xenophobia and colonialist ideologies?

this is a show about survival where massacres occur every few episodes. this is so fucking offensive. you are literally accusing men of color of being xenophobic for killing an enemy army thats been attacking them since the premise of the show and is camped outside their gates. 

this is a fucking joke because abby, octavia, lexa and clarke play the roles of xenophobic white saviors and colonialists in the colonialism narrative and not only are you radio silent about that aspect, you tried to paint villainized men of color trying to survive as colonizers instead??? 


18. Why was Pike redeemed at the end? Why is Octavia being painted as an irrational character consumed by revenge for murdering Pike when both Pike and Bellamy’s actions stemmed from their desire for revenge?

i want to cry sometimes. brown people can get brutally assaulted whilst chained to rocks by white people for defending themselves in a war to exterminate them to that white women started and they were acting out of “revenge”. and their being abused and beaten bloody is not only justified but also rational? just come out and say you hate us

when i heard about 3x10, about bellamy being beaten bloody by octavia, i was shaking. i could not breathe. i had a panic attack when i saw a gifset of it and i started to cry. i had to block and blacklist people cheering it on. how dare you defend the violent white girl beating a man of color up? this is racism in it’s clearest form. do not even try pretending that you don’t hate us. 


19. If “anybody can die” why didn’t Bellamy answer for his involvement in the massacre?

so now you straight-up want the male lead dead. you want one of the two only southeast asian leads on tv dead for doing what other characters have been since the premise of the show. 

how has this racist bullshit gone on unchecked and encouraged for so long that yall dont even think about how fucking hateful and  RACIST it is? this is so scary and ugly. what is wrong with yall? what if someone had said this about lexa and mw? lesbopphobia. how have yall conditioned yourself to be so damn racist? next time ur gonna say something about bellamy, think about how you’d react if someone said it about lexa. 


48. “if Octavia is gonna face the consequences of killing pike, why isn’t Bellamy facing them for killing 300 peace warriors”

characters guilty of murder: clarke, lexa, abby, monty, jaha, kane, raven, bryan, finn, bellamy, pike, octavia, murphy, literally everyone

characters u want dead: bellamy and pike (and jaha for most people) aka the 3 men of color who are given agency, leadership positions and are not subservient to white women


edit: missed this gem 

60. will you develop Octavia point of view of proving her brother is wrong, or will you take out her agency and  make it all about Bellamy, because he was a bad brother and now need to fix his sister?

i am literally crying right now. 

white women can chain and beat men of color up until they’re bloody and collapse for something they didn’t do and you’re saying if the physical abuse is addressed, it’s going to ~strip octavia of her agency~ and make bellamy fix her?

how was octavia right? bellamy was one of the dozens of pike supporters and he literally tried to help her save lincoln but she chained him up. 

you know what. cheering and defending and supporting poc getting beaten bloody by ww is racist. implying she’s in the right is sickening. you really don’t see us as human beings worthy of respect or safety or the same consideration white girls get, do you?


start examining your racism the way you expect lesbophobia to be analysed.

stop making fandom so unsafe and triggering for people of color in name of your feminism.

and if you cannot talk about us without being racist and hateful, don’t talk about characters of color at all. if any criticism of lexa is lesbophobic, this shit is the worst kind of fandom racism i have ever encountered. if bc fans who hate lexa are homophobic, what the fuck are you? 

if you constantly tell people to think very carefully before they criticize lexa because she is a minority and most of their hate stems from homophobia, what about bellamy who is also a minority that’s FAR less represented on tv? 

lexa being invalidated, demonized, hated and criticized hurts you because she represents you. well, bellamy represents me. what if i constantly called lexa straight, creepy, sleazy, predatory, abusive, disgusting, a pedophile, lesbophobic (since u call bellamy, a man of color, xenophobic/racist)? do you have no fucking compassion? do you forget that bellamy represents people just as much as lexa does and they are both canonically good characters? can you at least try to be a little intersectional? how on earth do you not see that this is clear-cut, harmful racism you’re perpetuating in favour of white women and “feminism” and “wlw safe spaces”. 

thanks for proving time and again that white people, gay or not, are and always will be more privileged than men of color. 

ps, i ship clexa and i hate b/llarke. im a south asian wlw. and i can confirm that you have made this the most unsafe and triggering space for me and dozens of other girls like me on the entirety of the internet. this racist shit is so, so scary and disgusting. please learn to start stanning wlw without shitting on men of color. end your racist bias and end your double standards because it’s fucking terrifying and you’re not fooling anyone. you cannot keep hiding your racist propensity to hate/villainize/call for the abuse/deaths of men of color behind “feminism”.

anonymous asked:

May I ask for your personal thoughts about Taylor Swift? And her latest album (with the assumption 'half if it was inspired by Harry')? I think Taylor is a talented artist and a smart businesswoman. I like her music (some). I hope I could find out why I have this love/hate RS with her. You can ignore these ridiculous questions if you don't want to answer, but please please consider it. Thank you very much.

Yeah, of course I can talk about Taylor. But first, I want to clarify that most of what I have to say is about her music and her career, not necessarily her as a person? Because she does have a lot of faults (most notably: 1- her super second-wave interpretation of feminism and the fact that it has become part of her brand, and 2- the fact that her “art has value! artists deserve to be paid!” campaign feels a lot more disingenuous than that of, for example, an artist like Amanda Palmer, who also believes that art has value and that artists deserve to be paid, and therefore chooses to utilize things like Kickstarter and Patreon, so that her fans are paying a fair price for the art they consume while cutting out a lot of the bullshit bureaucracy of the music industry) buuuuuuuut those faults would require an entirely separate post to explore! And given that this is a One Direction sideblog, I’m guessing you mostly want me to talk about her from the perspective of a 1D fan! So, moving right along…

It took me some time to get into Taylor Swift as an artist. As I said in my most recent ask response, I mostly grew up on punk and hardcore, so I didn’t really have much of an interest in a country artist with pop leanings. She first started becoming famous when I was in high school. I worked at a library, and we had a really limited CD collection, but we ordered Fearless the day it came out, and of course I listened to it at some point. Sure, I was into hardcore, but I was also seventeen, and I was the secret girlfriend of somebody who treated me like shit, and you can bet your ass that there were nights when I was driving all over my small town with the car windows down, moodily wailing “you don’t have to caaaaall! anymore! I won’t pick up the phoooooone!” 

And I think that moments like that are the basis of Taylor’s success. Even if you don’t like her as a person, or you don’t like her sound, you can probably find that one lyric one of her song’s that hits you where you live. It’s the difference between a lyric that’s generic and a lyric that’s relatable. Generic songs are about nobody; relatable songs are about anybody. I think it’s so bizarre that some people hate Taylor Swift because of who she wrote her songs about, because in all honesty, I don’t give much consideration to the artist’s personal life when I’m listening to a song. Did Taylor almost definitely write “All Too Well” about Jake Gyllenhaal? Yeah. But when I hear a verse like “time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it / I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it / after plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own / now you mail back my things, and I walk home alone,” I’m not thinking about her shitty ex-boyfriend and his fucking stupid plaid shirts. I’m thinking about my shitty ex-boyfriend and his fucking stupid plaid shirts. Did Taylor probably write “Last Kiss” about Joe Jonas? Sure. But if you think that I hear “so I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep / and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe / and I’ll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are” and start contemplating the social entanglements of a goddamn Jonas brother, you are sorely mistaken. The music swells, and Taylor gets emotional, and my ass is on Facebook, hunting down my ex-girlfriend because I’m “just curious” about whether or not she’s still dating the dude she left me for. 

My point is, 1989 isn’t “about” Harry Styles any more than any other album by any other artist is “about” their ex. It’s “about” Taylor, and her feelings and experiences, and I think it’s incredibly dismissive and dehumanizing that people always care more about the dude who made her feel like shit than they care about how shitty he made her feel. Her experiences are her own. She has a right to talk about them, and she has a right to draw inspiration from them, and she has a right to feel whatever the hell she feels and interpret her emotions in any way she wants. It’s the entire point of a song like “Blank Space.” This is a woman who has had the entire world telling her that she’s insane and obsessive for writing music about her experiences with certain men while simultaneously buying her albums for exactly that reason, and she’s been putting up with that since she was a teenager. She put out “Blank Space,” and people applauded her when she told GQ, “That is not my approach to relationships. But is it cool to write the narrative of a girl who’s crazy but seductive but glamorous but nuts but manipulative? That was the character I felt the media had written for me, and for a long time I felt hurt by it. I took it personally. But as time went by, I realized it was kind of hilarious.” Two months later, she put out “Style,” and people wanted to eviscerate her for daring to use a word that they thought was too much of an on-the-nose reference to her ex-boyfriend’s name. This fandom is ecstatic at the image of Harry Styles writhing around on an ottoman and singing, “if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about, baby, I’m perfect,” but people want Taylor Swift to be drawn and quartered because her last single mentions a piece of his jewelry. Does that not strike anyone as… a little bit of a double standard?

Earlier today, I saw a post in which someone went off about how “disgusting” Taylor is because she and Harry dated when they were 23 and 18 respectively. This blogger was adamant about this idea that, if Harry had been 23 and Taylor had been 18, it “wouldn’t have sat well with anyone.” It’s frankly ridiculous, because Taylor was 19 when she hooked up with John Mayer, who was 32. She was 20 when she dated Jake Gyllenhaal, who was 30. She’s 26 right now, and she’s dating Calvin Harris, who is 32. Even the people who made jokes about the age difference with John or Jake didn’t actually give these guys any legitimate trouble for it. It was all fun and games when everyone was making fun of this young woman for having the gall to date more than one person ever, but she came out with a song called “Dear John” in which she says, “Don’t you think nineteen’s too young to be messed with?” in reference to a man thirteen years older than her who treated her like absolute shit, and suddenly she’s psychotic, and he’s a martyr, and everyone has to listen to him be a whiny pissbaby because he got name-checked in a song? It’s ridiculous. The double standard isn’t even subtle

At the end of the day, I feel like it’s absolutely okay to not be into Taylor’s music. It’s okay to have problems with some of her views. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that you probably should have problems with some of her views, because some of her views are shitty. She’s not perfect. She is in fact very human. But when people’s issues with her are things like “I don’t like that she dated this particular celebrity” or “I think her relationship with this other person was faked for PR,” then we’re getting into idiot territory. Taylor Swift does not need to date people for PR. She does not need to date some dude in a boy band for fame. She is already famous. And outside of the insular word of the One Direction fandom, she is absolutely more famous than Harry Styles. She sells more records, and she makes more money, and she is more of a household name than he is. The idea that she was “using him” for attention makes sense to absolutely no one outside of this fandom. Considering the hate that she gets anytime she steps out of the house with a man, it’s completely illogical to believe that she would date someone for any reason other than that she really wanted to date him. And if that guy turns out to be an asshole, or doesn’t treat her right, or hurts her feelings, she’s allowed to write a song about it. She’s allowed to write an entire fucking album about it. She’s a singer-songwriter; it’s kind of her job. 

You're Alright You. Twenty-Three

• What if … on the day of her release from the mental hospital Rae doesn’t see Chloe and the gang on the bikes…

Previously…..

• Part One • Part Two • Part Three • Part Four • Part Five • Part Six• Part Seven • Part Eight • Part Nine • Part Ten • Part Eleven• Part Twelve • Part Thirteen • Part Fourteen • Part Fifteen • Part Sixteen • Part Seventeen • Part Eighteen • Part Nineteen • Part Twenty • Part Twenty-One • Part Twenty-Two

…………………

Part Twenty Three

It has eight days since my Mums wedding, and the whole fish thing.

Sometimes I could swear that I could still smell it in the air.

Especially when Chop or Archie walked past me.

Vile.

Archie and Chop still kept giving each other looks when they thought nobody else was looking.

I was worried something else was brewing there.

Well, as long as it wasn’t another gone off fish I could deal, probably.

God I hope I never had to smell anything like that ever again, and even then it would be to soon.

Finn’s Nan’s funeral was five days ago.

It was bloody horrible.

A lot of people came though, which was good.

It showed Finn and his family just how much she was loved by everyone she came into contact with.

I had only met her a couple of times and I thought she was amazing.

………………………

“I’m bored” Chloe was flipping through a trashy fashion magazine that she had brought over to my house.

I didn’t understand why anyone wasted money on them really. I didn’t need to look at more skinny and perfect looking people who filled those things to know that I didn’t look like that.

To know that I never would look like that. Ever.

“Me too” Izzy sat on the floor, picking at the ends of her long hair.

“What are the boys doing again?” Chloe asked. Getting sweaty. Corrrr.

“Something to do with a football thingy” Izzy said.

“They have a match the weekend before we start college, there practicing” football thingy? Bloody hell

“Oh” Chloe pulled a face “Let’s go, do something”

“Like what?” Izzy asked.

“Shopping?”

“No fucking way” Nope. No. Nuhuh. Not happening.

“Alright calm down, Rae” Chloe laughed “Jesus

“We could go down the park?” Izzy shrugged her shoulders.

“Yeah, alright, Chlo’?” As long as I get to see my delicious boyfriend running around. Shirtless.

“Spose”

“ ‘Spose” I rolled my eyes.

“You just wanna go down there and watch your boyfriends play football with their shirts off” Damn right I did.

“Oh god” Finn shirtless was something that was permanently burnt into my brain. He was one sexy motherfucker.

Abs that I wanted to lick dairy l….

Rae!” A pillow smacked me in the face. Ugghh.

“What?”

“You’re drooling” My best mate snickered.

“I’m allowed” I shouted “He’s my boyfriend!”

“Have you and him even had sex yet?”

No

“Why not?”

“Just haven’t!” We’d done other stuff.

Well technically he had done stuff.

I hadn’t gotten my hands on him just yet. Yet.

“I don’t get it, have you seen him?” Chloe sat up and looked at me “Apparently all the girls around college have permanently wet knickers when he’s around”

Chloe! Thats my boyfriend your talking about!” I threw the pillow back at her, right in the middle of her face. It was a little satisfying. 

“It’s the truth Rae, He is a hot commodity, you need to get that shit in the bag! Plus you don’t wanna be turning up at college with your v plates, people will think your frigid”

Jesus” I muttered under my breath. How can she say things like that? I’m meant to be her best friend!

“I’m not frigid Chloe”

“I didn’t say you was” she huffed “I said you don’t want people to think you are” bullshit is still bullshit.

“Plus, he ain’t gunna wait around for ever Rae, men have needs

“Needs?” Izzy quietly mumbled.

“What about you Izzy? Still think Chop’s a virgin?” I turned the attention on to our other friend, who also still had her V plates. Just saying.

“You what?” Chloe laughed “Chop is no virgin!” How the hell does she know? “God

Rae

“Well you said you thought thats why you hadn’t done, it, yet”

“I asked him”

“What did he say”

“Told me he weren’t a virgin, but that he was waiting for it to be perfect, doesn’t wanna rush it, cause he wants my first time to be dead special, cause I’m it for him”

“He actually said that?” Chloe looked, well she looked kind of shocked really.

“Yeah” she blushed “Told me he wanted to marry me and have a billion of kids”

“Oh my god Iz!” she shouted “This is huge”

So its alright if they guy wants to wait Chlo’? But if a girl does she’s frigid? Double fucking standards that is. Pure bullshit.

“I know” Izzy was blushing “I just want him to screw my brains out though” Did not need that image in my brain thank you very much.

“You two are lucky bitches, you know that! But you really do need to get it in the bag, I can’t believe that out of the three of us I’m the only single one and not a virgin! Sort it out girls!”

I wanted to have sex with Finn.

I was ready to have sex.

Most of the time I spent alone, in this room, was spent fantasising about it. About him.

It’s just that, being ready to have sex was not the problem.

The truth was that I didn’t know If I could be a hundred percent naked, with nothing to hide behind in front of another person when I couldn’t even look at myself naked.

How the hell was I going to let him see me like that.

Hell I could barley look at myself in any mirror, fully clothed or not.

Bollocks.

……………………………

“How’s Tix?” Chloe asked when Izzy ran off to buy a drink.

“Better” I smiled.

She had finally woken up last week.

That was the good news.

The bad news was that she wasn’t any closer to being out of the woods yet.

Doctor Nick told her if it happened again, her heart would not be able to cope. She would die. I fucking hated it.

All I wanted was for her to get better and out of that stupid hospital.

“Good” She smiled and pulled out a Chapstick from her pocket.

I need to……

Chlo’ ?”

“Yeah” she rubbed her lips together.

“Do you think Finn is going to want to have sex, with me?”

“He’s a lad, that is all they ever want”

I chewed on my lip.

“Yeah but” I looked away from her “I don’t exactly look like, most other girls, like his ex

“He must like yah, or he wouldn’t be with yah Rae”

“I guess”

“Plus if he is a boob man he has won the fucking lottery with yours, each one is the size of my head!”

“Oi” I shoved her “I’m being serious”

“Rae, look” she moved onto her knees closer to me “He is with you, and you’ve done other stuff so just pull the fucking trigger and let him whack it in yah”

“CHLOE!” I shouted, causing a few looks from other people sat around, including Izzy who was now walking back in our direction. Jesus.

“You just have to get the first time out of the way, thats the scariest” Thats what I was worried about. Being naked in front of each other, that first time. Hell every time. How do people do it?

“Yeah?”

“Definitely” She curled her arm around mine “Everyone is scared and nervous the first time, everyone is worried about their bodies, what to do, how its going to feel

“Really?” I could not imagine girls that looked like Chloe worrying about their bodies. Hers was bloody perfect.

“Yep”

“Was you?”

Yeah, he was older, he’d done it loads” Mr Carrisford. I had almost forgotten he was the guy she lost her virginity too.

“But you..”

“Look Rae, if Finn didn’t like you, or the way you looked do you think he would be with yah, right?”

“I…err..”

“He wouldn’t, but he is and he loves yah”

Love?

Bloody hell.

We hadn’t said those three words to each other.

I knew I felt that way about him, but I had never though about him, having those kind of feelings about me.

“Fuck me”

“What you guys talking about?” Izzy plopped down opposite us.

“Sex” Chloe!

“Again?” she rolled her eyes “Anyone would think you two where sex addicts or something”

That is something I would not mind being addicted too.

As long as I had Finn to cure the urges of course.

It would be better being addicted to sex than to all of the crap in Mum’s cupboard.

I would be bloody skinny then, that would be for sure. I wish.

……………………………

“Alright Girl?” Finn made me jump as he kissed my cheek “What you doing down here?”

“Chloe was bored” I looked up and smiled as he sat down next to me.

“Alright you lot” Chop smiled and went to kiss Izzy on the lips but thought better of it as Archie sat down next to Chloe. Oh god.

“Oh” he looked over at Chloe “How come you didn’t come down the field?”

“Didn’t wanna take your attention of the game, did I” I poked my tongue out at him before laying backwards. That was bullshit.

I was all for going and watching him play. It was Chloe who put a stop to us going.

“You still ok to take me to see Tixie later?” I turned to look at him as he laid down next to me.

“ 'course” he smiled. God he really was a sexy motherfucker.

Chloe was right, I just needed to get that first time out of the way.

I needed to just be strong and do it.

Get naked and do it.

Jesus.

“Is your Dad home this weekend?” I asked. Please say no.

“Not till Sunday”

“So Saturday?”

“He’s away” he was looking at me curiously “What you thinking girl?”

“Can I stay over?” In four days. Four days.

“ 'Course”

“Good” I nodded.

“I feel like I’m missing something”

Just tell him.

Be honest.

“I wanna do itIn four days.

“Do it?” his eyes widened when he realised what I was banging on about “Sex?”

“Yep” I took a deep breath “I wanna have sex”

“Jesus” he closed his eyes “You can’t just say that to me Rae

Why?

Oh god.

Maybe he doesn’t want to do it.

I watched as he rolled over and burrowed his head into the bag that he’d been using as a pillow.

“Are you trying to kill me?” his voice was muffled now.

“Forget it” I turned to look at the sky.

“How can I? Jesus” I felt him tug on my sleeve “Rae

I looked over and saw he was now looking at me “Saturday?”

“You don’t hav..”

“Saturday?” He was a little louder this time. Which gained the attention of our friends.

“Oi, whats happening Saturday?” Chop asked.

“Nothing involving you, that is bloody certain” Finn shouted without taking his eyes off me “Saturday?” he asked again.

I just gave a small, quick nod.

Saturday. Holy shit.

………………………

Look. There are things that Israel does that are uniquely bad. Then there are bad things that happen in Israel that happen in countries around the world that Israel gets called out on when others don’t. There are dozens of countries detaining and deporting African refugees. I abhor detention and expulsion of refugees. My grandparents were forced to live in a Displaced Persons camp in Germany for four years after the Holocaust, so this is an issue that is near and dear to my heart and that I treat with utmost seriousness.

At the same time, acting like it is worse for Israel to be doing the same awful crap that other countries do is holding it to a double standard, which is a path that all too quickly can lead to blanket demonization of Israelis and anti-semitism. These are attitudes that get people killed.

I have the same issue with non-Jewish or Palestinian anti-statists who for whatever reason also declare themselves anti-zionists and focus all their energy on Israel. If you’re trying to dismantle a global system of states, saying “I want to dismantle all states, but especially the Jewish one” is kind of difficult to see as anything but anti-semitic. This is doubly ridiculous if you support the existence of no states except for Palestine.

Honestly, if people really want Israel to be dismantled and an open society with room for Jews, Palestinians and other ethnicities to be created, the idea of Israelis being evil by default needs to be abandoned. Otherwise your ideal solution will end in acrimony and ethnic conflict. 

We can’t have Israeli Jews thinking that this is what a Palestinian looks like.

And we can’t have Palestinians thinking this is what an Israeli Jew looks like.

But this is what the nature of our discourse filled with blanket demonization is inspiring. And people who have no stake in what’s happening are helping to exacerbate the issue by spreading anti-semitic and anti-Palestinian propaganda abroad. 

Israel/Palestine isn’t some sports competition meant for you to root for your side and boo the other. It’s an issue with existential implications for two peoples. No matter what bullshit you might have heard, the vast majority of Israeli Jews don’t have somewhere to go back to. I understand that Israel has the upper hand in the scenario. That doesn’t mean that Palestinians are incapable of doing things that are unjustified. That doesn’t mean people who aren’t Jewish or Palestinian are immune to hateful, destructive actions in their activism that do far more harm than good because they believe they’ve picked the right side and need to blind themselves from the humanity of the other in order to act decisively. Pressuring Israel to give equal rights and/or autonomy to the Palestinians does not require excessive demonization of Israeli Jews. The Israeli Right is fueled by the hatred of others. They see it as inevitable and unchangeable. Stop helping them win elections. 

This above image was made by said user. We can’t find it, so we’re posting the screencap with its built-in attribution.

This is another one of these ‘where do we begin’ posts where the bullshit needs to be deconstructed, and another melodramatic offering from someone who claims to be in the LGBT community when they’re actually perpetuating gayness as an 'other’, an object of fantasy, ultimately trivializing gay men in real life (especially to young people who haven’t had the opportunity to know any gay men) and in media.

tl;dr version: taking queer theory 101 classes at university doesn’t necessarily make you read up on LGBT ish. As we’ve said, leave your Sherlock bubble and meet the tons of LGBT folks who think BBC Sherlock is homophobic for the queerbaiting.

If you don’t believe me, google 'queerbaiting’ and see what suggested searches and images come up. 

Long version to break it down:

  • “not gay” is in reference to John Watson’s line in numerous episodes when pressed about his relationship with Sherlock. It’s a running joke.
  • In real life, if someone says they’re not gay and/or not attracted to someone of the same gender and you insist they’re somehow not being frank or entirely forthcoming, not only would you be fucking rude and deserving of a good smack, but you’d also be considered homophobic as well (and rightly so).
  • To create a double standard in this respect for fictional characters reveals prejudices and really ass backward attitudes towards gay men. It is a form of entitlement, of privilege, and a sense of ownership of a group of people you do not belong to. 
  • Being a non-straight woman does not give you any leverage or credibility in your obsession with two fictional men being gay. If you think non-straight women are not capable of being homophobic, like it’s some kind of get-out-of-jail-free card, and if you think gay men and gay women are fighting the same struggle, you best check yourself. 
  • If you’re so obsessed with men being gay on TV - and you clearly are - why not actually obsess over a show where characters are unambiguously gay and have been recognized by GLAAD for their representation? Modern Family, Reno 9/11, True Blood come to mind.
  • Roland Barthes is dead. No philosopher takes him seriously anymore. He was part of a French school of postmodern philosophy that fell out of fad a while back…and thank heavens for that.
  • Most of the (serious) interpretations making the case for 'johnlock’ come from really young and naive people who don’t seem to understand how writing a TV show works. Not unusual for teenagers, but again, it is also revealing in terms of prejudices and objectifying the 'other’. No one really stops and thinks that maybe the gay gags on the show were created for an entirely different reason.
  • While this is anecdotal, it should be pointed out all the people obsessed with 'johnlock’ are young women. I’ve never come across an actual gay or otherwise non-straight man who dig it. In fact, the few gay men we’ve come across actually hate it and like us, find it homophobic. If you obsess over 'johnlock’, something found to be problematic by actual gay men, and you ignore or don’t find that somehow significant or valid, you are a bigot. You have not checked your privilege.
  • Lastly but not least - and I consider this to be the most important one of all: Sherlock writer and co-creator Mark Gatiss is gay and has emphasized the Sherlock Holmes he and Moffat created is not interested in men (or anyone else for that matter). It’s insulting if not a bit bigoted to call a gay man a liar about perceived homosexuality in his work. 

@penguintim

The Boy Who Was a Virgin And The Boy With The Snake Tattoo

Genre: smut with plot oops.

Warnings: sex, smoking.

Length: 5.3k words

A/N: okay I literally suck at  writing anything that’s not smut, but this actually has a plot so yeah I kinda like it whoop.

The sound of the city is so loud, so big so full. I can’t barely hear him but I love going downtown and he does as well and so does the hole punk scene in this town.

“Listen, zodiacs are bullshit.” He says, as I shuffle the deck of cards in my trembling hands, passing a seven of hearts trough my bruised knuckles.

“You say that ‘cause your a gemini. Cancers, geminis, scorpios and sagittarius tend to be skeptical” I argue. “Also, not my fault your trousers ripped.”

Keep reading

Okay...can I just rant? This is something I normally wouldn't do, because this isn't my kind of thing, the whole cursing and angry thing...but I just can't anymore.

I JUST REALLY FUCKING CAN’T, OKAY? I REALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THESE DAMN SHIPPING WARS.

SASUSAKU GOT THEIR MOMENT AND WE CAN’T ENJOY IT IN PEACE BECAUSE DAMN ANTI’S ARE FUCKING JALAPENO FUCKERS AND THEN WHEN IT STINGS THEY TAKE IT OUT ON US.

BUT I’M JUST SO DAMN DONE WATCHING THEM INSULT US AS PEOPLE. OKAY, YOU DON’T LIKE MY SHIP BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE MEAN TO ME ABOUT IT? IT’S NOT LIKE I’M TAKING ANYTHING AWAY FROM YOU.

ANOTHER THING: STOP CALLING SHIPS ABUSIVE AND RAPE UNLESS IT’S ACTUALLY SHOWN IN CANON. THIS IS A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE. THEY’RE NINJA. KILLING OPPOSING NINJA IS WHAT THEY DO FOR A LIVING. OF COURSE THEY HAVE TO TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER. BUT NOW THAT THEY’RE ON THE SAME SIDE AGAIN, WILL THEY REALLY FUCKING TRY TO GO AT IT AGAIN? AND RAPE? I’D HARDLY CALL ADMIRING A PERSON AND WATCHING FROM AFAR, BEING A WELL WISHER RAPE. AND BY THE WAY, I NEVER SAW NARUTO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE BY HER ATTENTION. HE THOUGHT SHE WAS WEIRD, BUT HE NEVER WANTED TO PUSH HER AWAY FOR IT.

SASUKE AND SAKURA TRIED TO KILL EACH OTHER WHILE THEY WERE ENEMIES BECAUSE THAT’S JUST HOW NINJAS DO. BUT KARIN WAS HIS COMRADE AND HE DIDN’T HESITATE TO STAB RIGHT THROUGH HER. SO TELL ME AGAIN WHICH IS ABUSIVE? LET’S NOT MENTION KARIN LITERALLY MADE PLANS TO “SAVAGE” SASUKE OR SOMETHING WHILE HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS, OR IN OTHER WORDS, UNABLE TO GIVE CONSENT, WHICH IS WHAT RAPE IS.

AND IF YOU WILL USE THESE TERMS, PLEASE, JUST DON’T FUCKING USE BULLSHIT DOUBLE STANDARDS. SASUKE TRYING TO KILL SAKURA IS ABUSIVE? WELL THEN, SO IS SASUKE TRYING TO KILL NARUTO, KARIN, AND ALMOST EVERY OTHER FUCKING PERSON. NARUHINA IS RAPE BECAUSE HINATA ALWAYS FOLLOWED NARUTO? WELL THEN, GUESS KARIN IS DEFINITELY TRYING TO RAPE SASUKE. 

A FINAL FUCKING THING. WHY THE FUCK IS OUR MOMENT ROMANTIC WHILE YOUR CPR AND EVERYTHING ELSE  IS PLATONIC? BECAUSE OF THE FEELINGS OF THE PARTIES INVOLVED YOU LITTLE CHICKEN SHITS. SAKURA’S FEELINGS FOR SASUKE ARE CONFIRMED OVER AND OVER TO BE ROMANTIC, AND HER’S FOR NARUTO ARE CONSTANTLY CONFIRMED TO BE  PLATONIC. IN FACT, NARUTO’S FEELINGS FOR SAKURA HAVEN’T BEEN BROUGHT UP IN A WHILE. FOR ALL WE KNOW, HE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE HER ANYMORE.

OH, AND, CPR IS A MEDICAL PROCEDURE. DOCTORS HAVE TO DO IT TO NOT LET SOMEONE DIE. DOES THAT MEAN THEY’RE IN LOVE WITH EVERY OTHER PERSON THEY SAVE? IT WAS PERFORMED ON ME WHEN I WAS BARELY THREE YEARS OLD BY A LIFEGUARD ABOUT 30 YEARS OLDER THAN ME WHO WAS MARRIED WITH A KIDYEAH, WE’RE SO IN LOVE, LIKE I LITERALLY FELT SPARKS DURING A ‘KISS’ I WASN’T EVEN FUCKING BREATHING FOR.

LIKE, IF YOU’RE GONNA MAKE AN ARGUMENT, MAKE IT VALID AND NOT CONSTANTLY CONTRADICTING YOURSELF. BECAUSE I’M SO SURE THAT SASUKE STABBED KARIN OUT OF LOVE AND WAS THANKING THE VEST.

NOW THAT THIS IS OUT, I WON’T EVEN TRY DEFENDING OUR SHIP. I’LL JUST IGNORE ALL THE ARGUMENTS BECAUSE THERE’S NO POINT. LIKE, IF YOU ARE REALLY CONFIDENT IN YOUR SHIP, JUST KEEP SHIPPING IT AND DON’T TRY TO SHOVE IT IN MY FACE. IT’S NOT LIKE THAT WILL MAKE ME CHANGE MY OPINION OF IT.

NOW SEND ME ALL THE HATE YOU FUCKING YOU WANT.

COME AT ME BITCHACHOS, I’M WAITING. I DARE YOU. 

Now that that’s said, I’d just like to say thank you to the few people who are actually letting us ship in peace. I know some of you may have some of the opinions I kind of tried to murder, and this is not meant to insult you. It’s just for the people who keep trying to throw it in our faces and personally insult us and our beliefs, whether or not you know who I’m talking about. I’m sorry if it offended any of those people who are leaving us be and enjoying your own ship without shoving your nose in ours.

anonymous asked:

If you're not a lesbian, shut the fuck up about lesbians. It's not that hard. Jesus you people are a waste of fucking energy.

You know what, I’m done with this fandom today. I do not have the energy to be nice/polite with you all anymore. I mean the double standards in your fandom are ridiculous. You have a bunch of white women telling Filipinos and other POC that we can’t say that Bellamy isn’t white-washed or doesn’t recieve white privilege, so I guess if you’re not a POC, shut the fuck up about POC. If you’re not an abuse survivor, shut the fuck up about abuse (and what could be viewed as such) on the show.

 If you’re not a bisexual, shut the fuck up about what is and is not great representation for bisexual women in the media. If you’re not gay, shut the fuck up about what is and is not great gay representation. If you don’t work for the show, shut the fuck up about how much the cast wants to be “freed from the show.” If you’ve never been a victim of incest, shut the fuck up about incest. If you’ve never been a victim of pedophilia shut the fuck up about pedophilia. 

I may not be a lesbian, but I am a bisexual woman. Screw that, I am a woman period. I know how to differentiate between sexual and non-sexual activity/content. A woman (of any sexuality) wearing a sports bra in public is not sexual. A woman (of any sexuality) sitting on a man’s lap is not an indication of sexual contact. A man putting his arm around a woman’s (of any sexuality) shoulders is not an indication of sexual contact. Ya’ll act like I can’t call up or contact a lesbian and ask for their opinion on a picture once given the description of the players involved (i.e. Bellamy is a straight male, Clarke is a bisexual woman, Lexa is a lesbian woman and nothing else so as not to be leading)

Grow the fuck up and stop acting like a woman sitting on a man’s lap means they’re having sex. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like a woman wearing a sports bra around a man means they’re having sex. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like a man placing his arm around a woman’s shoulders means they’re having sex. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like any combination of the above is an indication of sexual contact.

“You people” are a waste of energy? And yet I’ve never once sent anon hate to anyone? “You people” are a waste of energy? And yet I’ve never assumed someone’s sexuality? “You people” are a waste of energy? And yet I’ve never reblogged ANYTHING about my NOTP and added unnecessary inane comments. “You people” are a waste of energy? And yet I’ve never once told anyone what they can and can not speak on? “You people” are a waste of energy? And yet I’ve never created a trend (#minoritiesdeservebetter) and then only talked about literally one fictional character? “You people” are a waste of energy? And yet I’ve never once accused a man speaking out against his bully of being upset about his reduced screen time, or being unprofessional?

Today is not the day for your bullshit. Tomorrow won’t be either. Don’t try me on Wednesday or the next day. I am done with this. I’m not here for it anymore. I have been polite. I have been nice. I have been kind. It’s not happening anymore. 

There's a difference in philosophy, sometimes.

I apologize in advance for how long this is.  I wouldn’t be able to read it, myself.  I often can’t read what I can write.  But I can’t make things concise, it’s part of my language problems.  So anyway…

I’m going to use mental age as an example.

DD people, regardless of diagnosis or IQ, are generally subjected to this idea that we are eternal children.  We are not ever truly adults, we have ‘the mind of a child’, or 'the emotional development of a toddler’, or 'the cognitive functioning of an infant’, or something like this.

This originated in IQ tests, where mental age was an abstract concept, and that’s all it was ever supposed to be.  You had your chronological age, which is how old you are physically.  And then you had your mental age, which was the age an average person would be who got the same score as you did on the IQ test.  And you divided one by the other and multiplied by 100 to get your IQ.

But the idea spread beyond IQ tests, and spread to actually mean that a person was a child for all kinds of purposes.  Including legal purposes.  And it spread to things like emotional age, and all these other ages that basically make DD people of all sorts supposedly children or even infants regardless of our actual lifespan and life experiences.  All because of this outdated abstract idea about test scores.

These days the idea that we have the 'mind of a child’, things like that, is firmly embedded in Western culture.  And most DD people – the overwhelming majority – are mad as hell about this.  We do not like being considered children in adult bodies, and we do not like the social, legal, and physical consequences of not being considered adults.

But some people don’t see it that way.

Some people see the problem not as the idea of mental age itself, but what mental age means.

Some people think it’s totally okay to say someone has the mind of a child, and that the only problem is how we view people with the minds of children.  That basically we aren’t real adults but the fact that we aren’t real adults shouldn’t matter.  We aren’t real adults but we shouldn’t be discriminated against for not being real adults.

Some people also think that those of us who insist we are really adults, are somehow 'throwing under the bus’ all the people who really aren’t real adults.  That by distancing ourselves from the stereotype, we are making the stereotype real.

And sometimes that happens.

I can’t count the number of times, when dealing with disability stereotypes or something, that I’ve heard people distance themselves from a stereotype by saying that nobody who fits the stereotype exists, or that those who fit the stereotype shouldn’t matter.  And I’m someone in that case who absolutely does fit the stereotype and I get quite offended by people who want to basically erase my existence.

In the world of mental age stereotypes, this takes a weird form.  It’s not so much that I believe any adult DD person is really a child inside.  But there’s a thing that happens that’s horrible.

There was a very popular movement called Normalization, in the world of DD staff.  And what would happen, was that the staff would come into the home of a DD person.  And they would say, “You’re an adult now.  Nobody will treat you like an adult unless you act like I believe an adult should act.”

They would take away people’s toys, games, and books, if they were deemed “not age appropriate”.  They would destroy people’s doll collections, remove their comic books, remove any art that didn’t look “adult” enough due to motor coordination issues, basically steal and destroy people’s shit and call it progress because it was “making people more normalized in an adult role” and all kinds of other bullshit.

And the thing is, if you’re not DD, you can get away with doing “child” things.  My collection of children’s books and young adult novels would not be out of place in the home of a nondisabled nerd of a certain sort.  But because I have a developmental disability, I am vulnerable to service agencies deciding that my reading material isn’t adult enough and taking it away from me.  It hasn’t happened, but not because of anything special about me.

Because of this, a lot of DD people have become very sensitive to the idea of 'age appropriateness’ and really hate it.  But to most of us, there’s no contradiction between hating the tyranny of 'age appropriate’ while at the same time hating the tyranny of 'you’re really a child inside’.  These things aren’t in opposition to each other.  They’re both messed up things that miss the mark entirely.

But the response of some advocates has been to say, “So actually, DD people really are children inside.  And that’s okay!  We should just be okay with the fact that they’re children in adult bodies.  We should give them all the respect that children in adult bodies need.  We should not deny them rights because they are children in adult bodies.  But they are children in adult bodies, or at least some of them are.  And if you object to the idea of mental age, then you’re just ignoring reality and you’re hurting people who really need people to understand that they’re really their mental age, not their chronological age.”

And I can’t say I don’t understand where that comes from.

But I also have to say, that’s some serious freeze-dried bullshit.

There are not just two ways to respond to a stereotype.

And sometimes nobody fits a stereotype.  Sometimes a stereotype is just something that someone came up with as an abstract idea, that has become intensified to the point where people believe it as literal concrete fact.  And while I’ve known plenty of DD people (myself firmly, firmly included in this area) who do things as adults that normally only children do, this does not make us in any way children and there is absolutely no need to se us as in any way children, in order to respect our rights.

Some people respond to that by saying “But what’s wrong with being a child?”

Nothing’s wrong with being a child.  But I’m not a child.  And adults differ from children in important ways.  And DD people are seriously harmed by being considered children.  We are harmed in two big ways by being considered children.  One way really is that we treat children badly in this society so DD adults attract the same bad treatment children get, and that’s something that can be addressed by addressing how we treat children.  But the other thing, which is huge, is that we are not children, we are different from children, and adults need to be treated differently from children, and this problem will not go awayjust by treating children better and pretending that DD adults are actually children inside.  Infantilizing adults is never okay, no matter what you think about the treatment of children in general.

Oh I should also note it’s not just DD adults who get this treatment.  Adults with dementia are also often treated as if they have the mental age of a child.  And also adults with other adult-onset cognitive disabilities.  But also DD people whether our disabilities are cognitive or physical we get it all the time.

So there are not just two ways to deal with this.

You don’t have to pick and choose between:

1.  Total denial of any and all childlike characteristics in DD adults.

2.  Total acceptance of the idea that DD adults are actually, mentally or emotionally, children, and that this is okay, and that the problem is how we treat children, not how we infantilize adults.

These are not the only two options.

There are, in fact, lots of options that are not these.

I picked this topic because it’s extremely cut and dried – mental age is false.  No matter how you slice it, no matter who you look at, no matter what “childlike” things we may do, DD adults are adults.  (And it’s a serious double standard to say that because some of us do childlike things then we’re mentally children, when nondisabled people get to do childlike things all the time without that threat hanging over their heads.)

But there are situations that can be much more confusing, because there will be people who seem to fit a stereotype, and denying the stereotype really can in some cases be more like denying the existence of certain people.

And that’s what someone thought I was doing recently.

I wasn’t.

But that’s what they thought I was doing.

They thought I was saying that there are no autistic people who, by virtue of autism, are extremely oriented towards themselves.  Or that such people didn’t count, or didn’t matter, in my world.

What I actually said was that the difference between autistic and nonautistic people is not that autistic people are oriented towards ourselves and nonautistic people are oriented towards others.

I still like the way Donna Williams describes things as far as succinctness goes.  Autism can create a state of no self, no other.  It can create a state of all self, no other.  It can create a state of all other, no self.  And it can create any combination of those things.  Plus some autistic people can experience both self and other simultaneously.

But that right there tells you that you can't define nonautistic people as oriented more towards others than autistic people are.  Like that can’t be the defining characteristic.  Lots of nonautistic people are highly self-centered, lots of autistic people are so other-centered that they can’t even perceive their selves at all.  So I was saying, you can’t say autistic vs nonautistic = self vs other oriented.  Because it’s just not true.

The fact that you can’t do that, says nothing bad about autistic people who really are stuck in a mode where all they can perceive is themselves, and they can’t perceive other people, or can only unconsciously perceive other people.  It just says that this isn’t the definition of what makes autistic people autistic and nonautistic people nonautistic.

But also there’s another thing that happens extremely frequently, that makes me furious.

Which is that many, many autistic people are simply assumed to be wholly focused on themselves, living in their own worlds, totally cut off from awareness of other people.

And time and time again, it’s been shown that this is a wrong and damaging assumption a huge percentage of the time.

Autistic people who have had that assumed of us are justifiably angry about it.  I’ve experienced it and it’s horrible.  But I haven’t had the experience, common to many people, where they grew up being considered that, day in and day, out, for their entire lives.  Where they had to spend their entire childhood fighting for a voice to say “I understand other people exist, I am not trapped in my own world.”

And it’s extremely offensive to me that people would take that anger, that anger that comes from direct experience of a horrible misunderstanding, and tell people who’ve experienced this, “You’re just trying to throw under the bus the people who really are self-oriented and trapped in their own world.”

Because for the most part?  That is not what is happening.  At all.  Not when it comes from people who’ve had any sort of experience of actually, in the real world, being considered unaware of everything.  Most of the time, that’s genuine righteous anger and it should not be stifled in the name of being inclusive to those who just happen to fit the exact stereotypes that we’ve been trying for some chunk of our lives to get away from.

I used to get very mad at this one autistic woman because she had not ever had the experience of being stereotyped in that manner.  But she embraced every autism stereotype out there.  She told anyone that would listen that she was actually mentally only a toddler, that she was sick of being treated as an adult, and her dream was to live in the kind of institution that most of us have spent our entire lives trying to stay out of.  Any negative stereotype was something she embraced wholeheartedly as applying to herself, and the worst part was that none of those stereotypes actually applied to her, she just said they did because it felt good to her to be treated as a child who had no responsibilities in the world other than to be taken care of.  She lied constantly about her IQ scores in order to get a lower 'mental age’.  It really pissed me off because she’d walk into a room full of self-advocates who had been struggling their whole lives to get away from that stuff, and then disparage them for not embracing these stereotypes that she’d never had to live with herself.  

It’s easy to say you want to live as if you’re a child the rest of your life, when you’ve never been treated like one for real.  It’s easy to say you want the loving care and supervision that only an institution can provide, when you’ve never seen the inside of one.  And she’d run around telling people that other DD people were simply “in denial” about the fact that they were really children.  And people who didn’t know better, believed her.

When it comes to autism and relationship to self, I think that autism makes your relationship to yourself and others complicated.  It can reduce awareness of yourself, or it can reduce awareness of others, it can reduce awareness of both at once.  That’s not the same as “autistic people are self-oriented and allistic people are other-oriented”.  I find the generalization offensive in the extreme, and not because “there’s something wrong with being self-oriented”.  It’s a matter of an assumption being so completely out of left field that it’s not even wrong, it’s just something that doesn’t map to reality at all, and that causes a lot of grief for autistic people when these assumptions are applied to us.

So it is offensive to me to say that autism means being self-centered.

But not because there’s something wrong with autistic people whose autism makes them lose track of others.

Because the connotations are simply radically different, and only words make them even remotely the same.

And because it’s a false generalization.

And because it is like a giant eraser rubbing out all the autistic and nonautistic people that the generalization doesn’t apply to. Which is actually all of us, in the end.  Even the ones who, if you go by words alone, the generalization seems to apply to.

I understand, though.

I understand what it’s like to hear people saying “But autistic people aren’t like that” when they really mean “But your kind of autistic person doesn’t really exist and/or shouldn’t matter and/or should be swept under the rug.”

But that’s not what I’m doing.

I hope I’ve explained well enough what I am doing, because I feel like at this point I’m stuck in words and talking around the topic rather than describing the meaning itself. 

So I’m going to stop here.

One of the best things I have ever heard was the phrase, “the freedom to say neither/nor”.

Because that’s where all the truth in the world lies.  All of it.

Outside of the two sides.  Not in between, not “the truth is always somewhere in the middle” (which is just a thinly veiled way of saying there’s two sides).  Outside entirely of the system that the two sides create.

I may not have the truth, nobody always has the truth, but I know that the truth is almost never in either of the two sides, or anywhere on the path between them.