this is the hottest thing

Another humans are weird/space orcs idea that came to me while trying to drink water upside down:

Humans are apex predators. We’re unbreakable and relentless and legion and lethal. Nothing gets to us- except us.

It’s the stupidest little things that can stop up a human.

Many aliens have theorized about this. Perhaps with no natural enemies, the species tried to threaten them with themselves in a desperate search for some kind of challenge. Maybe it’s cosmic karma for being nigh unstoppable. Maybe they had transcended so much that the nuances of life were tiny and incomprehensible to them. Maybe it’s natural selection trying to thin the herd.

Whichever the cause, it’s a strange combination of disturbing and amusing to see a human be defeated by itself. It’s a little alarming to see the most resilient and powerful species in the universe be completely shut down with things that pale in comparison to their normal challenges.

Seeing a human function almost completely fully with several broken bones… but absolutely crippled and reduced to using one arm when faced with a large hangnail.

My dad broke his leg in a snowmobile accident in such a way that the bone was sticking out of his leg. He crawled a half mile in the snow to the nearest house to ask for help. But when he stubs his toe on the coffee table every few weeks, it’ll bring him to his knees.

I recently got a double conch piercing done- two massive needles shoved through the thickest cartilage in my ear, one right after the other. I’ve got 5 other piercings. None, not even the conch, hurt as much as getting a single hair yanked out of my head.

I see people eat some of the world’s hottest foods all laced with capsaicin which can kill things, and drink alcohol that’s literally poisonous, and break pen cases with their teeth. But a too cold slush drink? Unable to talk or move, head between the knees, for about two minutes, because brain freeze. Or, better yet, sometimes we literally choke on spit. Nearly asphyxiate. Because we regularly ‘swallow down the wrong hole’. 

Alien: Why did you say, last month, that your broken ribs and arm and massive blood loss was ‘fine’, but when you got a paper cut today, you cried for ten minutes and now still refuse to unwrap your wound? It is tiny in comparison to some things that you’ve faced without hesitation.

Human: Honestly it’s really stupid and I don’t really know, but I will swear up and down and until the day I die, a broken bone hurts way less than a paper cut.

Alien: But… no. It’s not worse. It… that doesn’t make sense.

Human: I know, right? But it’s true. 

3

“C'mon Cass, you gotta go out there and put those arms around that messy part of yourself and just…”

  • Namjoon: I'll speak French between your legs.
  • Seokjin: That's the hottest thing someone's ever said to me.
  • Jungkook: I'm just picturing someone yelling BONJOUR at a penis.
  • Taehyung: SACRE BLEU MADEMOISELLE VAGINA HON HON HON TITTY CROISSANTS.
  • Jimin: TITTY CROISSANTS, WHAT THE FUCK?
  • Yoongi: Take my advice. None of you should ever have sex.
  • Hoseok: EVER.
  • erics moen: sometimes me and my husband like to ogle lesbians because they're like, sooooo hot!
  • everybody: hey what the fuck
  • erica moen: sorry guys! :) fetishizing someone's identity is bad
  • erica moen: anyway i think trans ppl transitioning is like, sooooo hot!
  • everybody: hey what the fuck
  • erica moen: sorry guys! :) fetishizing someone's identity is wrong
  • erica moen: anyway here's this comic my friend made about how genderplay is the hottest thing ever
  • everybody: hey what the fuck
  • erica moen: sorry guys! :) fetishizing someone's identity is wrong
  • erica moen: anyway raceplay is cool!