this is the extent of my productivity today

Sunday Seven

1. It’s Mother’s Day. Someone remind me to call my mother. 

2. I bought a new car yesterday. Film at 11. (Does anyone even use film anymore?)

3. I’ve been battling allergies more than ever before. Well, not that I;m battling more, just that they’re affecting me more. My normal sinus solutions weren’t working, so I starting using that Flonase stuff (you know, the ones with the condescending commercials that remind you that 6 is more than 1?) at the recommendation of Kimmy @morethananaveragebitch. Well, she was right. There, I said it. It’s working wonderfully (although it is drying my throat out a bit too much so now I’m coughing, but I own stock in Halls, so all’s good). The bottom line, again, is that Kimmy was right. 

4. School is winding down. Another month and we’ll be done. Need to grade papers, but procrastinating. Of course. 

5. The more I watch Ancient Aliens, the more I understand the Trump Administration. Not that their policies are right or anything, but there’s similar “logic’ in both sets of arguments. 

6. I went to Trader Joe’s today and got home by 9:30. That has been the extent of my productivity this weekend, unless you count buying a new car (see above). 

7. Maybe the rest of the day will provide something else for me to put here, but I doubt it. Although, another nap might happen. 


[ 2 / 100 ] days of productivity (with @ma-in-crying)

september is pink lemonade! 💖🌸💛💕🌼💫💐🌷

I’m definitely feeling the autumn vibes now that september is finally here but I love yellow more than anything and this turned into a very summery spread. I’m really actually quite happy with how it came out. My hand lettering is improving and I had a lot of fun with the flat lay too! The empty space is calling out for little doodles but I’m always so hesitant to fill them!

this spread is about the extent of my productivity today besides starting a new book and work this afternoon!

Episode VIII: Production Trailer Breakdown

We have our first footage from Episode VIII, and I’m disproportionately excited to the extent that I worry I’m actually going to self-combust when a full-length trailer emerges. I wanted to do a quick post on my initial responses to the shots, and discuss what we can potentially glean from them.

Note on the shoot: The footage shown in the trailer was shot on Skellig Michael in autumn 2015, but production proper only began on Episode VIII today (15 February 2016). The filming on Skellig took place in advance because it’s hell to shoot on the island due to its protected status, and they presumably had to time the filming around the migration of the birds that nest on the island. Rumours suggest that they’re going back to Skellig to shoot more material in late summer 2016, but this is not confirmed.

Note on the footage: The 15 seconds or so of footage shown in the ‘trailer’ are very raw and there’s every chance that the specific shots included won’t be in the final film. Nonetheless, footage from the shoot that the shots are part of will almost certainly be in the film, and the shots clearly show the actors in character and performing. Therefore, it’s worth discussing them.

Shot #1: The Island

It’s most important to note that this establishing shot of the island does not appear to represent the same moment as is shown next (the continuation/re-enactment of the Luke and Rey scene from the end of VII). There’s a simple reason for this. The island is clearly shown in dark and rather stormy conditions, while Luke and Rey are shown on what appears to be a bright and sunny day (which I believe matches the depiction of the island at the end of VII, as it is presented in rather idyllic and pastoral terms there).

Shot #2: Luke Skywalker

Luke is rocking that beard. But more significant than his magnificent beard is his expression. While we see various expressions pass over his face at the end of VII, here we see what appears to be low-level anger and disquiet. And it’s significant that this is framed as Luke’s response to simply seeing Rey, before she has even produced the lightsaber for him to take.Therefore, his expression is suggested to be a response to Rey’s presence rather than the lightsaber itself. While it’s far too early to form definitive conclusions (especially based only on a single look that is lacking any context), I would say that this is increasing my doubt in the Rey Skywalker theory. We know from the script that Luke knows who Rey is, so doesn’t need to ask. And if she were his daughter, why would be cast such an expression upon her? Why would he cast an angry look upon his long-lost daughter? It simply doesn’t add up for me. But more interesting is the question of why the sight of Rey causes Luke such disquiet - it seems to be a reaction to her as a person rather than a reaction to the end of his solitude, which is what makes it so intriguing.

Shot #3: Rey

Rey looks a little afraid here, and somehow more naive and childlike than she does in the closing moments of VII. While being faced with the unkempt and quite possibly somewhat insane Luke Skywalker is obviously going to be overwhelming, I sense that she’s frightened by the look he’s giving her. I have the feeling that she’s having a similar thought here to that she has in relation to Kylo in the novelisation, when Kylo says “It is you!” (i.e. “he seemed to know more about her than she did about herself”). In short, I think that Rey recognises that Luke knows something about her that she doesn’t, and she’s unsettled by the imbalance of their knowledge.

But those are just my initial interpretations. What do you make of the footage (the precious, precious footage that will have to sustain us for many months until we get that most hallowed of things - the teaser trailer)?

Reality is a "hologram"

While watching a show called “ Brain Games” on Netflix, I learned something interesting:

Color does not actually exist in reality. It is completely a perception based construct of our brains. That’s why not everyone sees the same colors the same way etc. So, I wonder if that’s why everything thing goes black and white when GF characters go into the mindscape etc. or when Bill is influencing reality? Since he exists outside of reality, maybe the black and white is as real as reality can get, without anyone’s perception of color etc getting in the way?


Perception is literally a product of our brains and is not always completely representative of reality as it actually exists. That means every day you wake up and open your eyes, you’re only seeing things as your mind wants you to see them, not necessarily as they actually are…I already knew this to some extent but it’s really trippy when you think about it. Reality is completely subject to our learned perceptions. Reality as we see it is literally a projection of our brains therefore, reality is technically a ‘hologram.’

Ok…Imma’ go chill with some Reeses and coffee. Consider my mind blown for today.

Worth while. Spencer x reader

Prompt: “There’s no way I could leave before telling you..”

A/n this takes place after Spencer was abducted in s2e15 “Revelations”

I heard the door slam across the hall. My best friend Spencer lived across the hall from me, and 2 days ago Morgan called me to tell me Spence had gone missing. It makes me feel awful to admit this, but at first I wasn’t really that worried. I guess for the 5 years I’ve known Spence he always kind of seemed like he knew everything and could accomplish anything. He had 3 P.h.d’s and was in the FBI for god’s sake. So it’s not really that I didn’t believe Morgan when he told me Spencer had been abducted, it was just I figured the invincible Spencer Reid could best any opponent. I was still worried to some extent though, to the point I took off work because I knew I couldn’t be productive. All I could think about was Spencer. It was earlier today the panic set in. It became real to me when the team hadn’t wrapped up the case nicely, had a pep talk on the way back, and returned Spencer to me. He wasn’t here. I wanted him here. What if he never came back here? What if he was dead right now? I sat on my couch for hours retreated into my own twisted, fabricated realities full of heartbreak. So you can imagine, when I heard the door across the hall open and then slam I jumped up and almost tripped over my own feet trying to get to him as fast as I could. I left my door hanging open in the hurry. I knocked on his door hard and fast. Nothing.
“Spencer ple-” I was cut off by the door ripping open and Spencer engulfing me in a hug. His hands were clasped tightly around my waist, like he was holding onto me for dear life. I heard sniffles and soon realized he was crying. I felt my heart breaking and wrapped my arms around his neck. I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck and felt his body shake as silent years rolled down my own face. It was immensly sad but it made me angry at the same time. Who in the world do this to him? My beautiful, brilliant, compassionate Spencer, who gave his life to helping others. My shoulder was wet with his tears and I could tell he wasn’t finished. I tentatively pulled away, trying to look him in the eyes. I instantly regretted it. I could see the suffering in them. His now bloodshot eyes were usually full of vigor and life by all I saw in them now was brokenness. I took his hand and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles; showing him my sympathies and sorrows. Not letting go of his hand I led him inside and softly closed the door behind us. We sat on the couch, me curled up in a ball next to his body which curled around me. This time my arms were around his waist. His head rested on too of mine. I let him soak my hair with tears and I soaked his arm with mine. I wanted to say something but I was afraid to speak. After a few minutes I took a breath and cautiously said,
“Spencer? You’re safe now. You’re with me and I love you and I always will.”
This proceeded to make him hold me tighter. He seemed to be steadying his breath, preparing to speak.
“I-I know you do. You know, that’s what kept me alive. I thought if I…If I never got to tel-….if I never got to see you again that I might never forgive myself. I c-couldn’t bear the thought of doing that to you.” You were speechless…
“Spencer..I’m so proud of you. You have no idea how happy I am you’re back.”
“Y/n? Do you know what I had to tell you? I-I couldn’t leave before telling you..”
With that a tear fell down his cheek and he swiftly moved his head to connect his lips to mine.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hold up just a second. I felt my body freeze but I was way to confused to respond. Spencer. My best friend, the most accomplished person I know, a man I’ve loved as a friend for years, also a man I’ve loved not as friends for a year, was kissing me. Right now. Well, not now. I felt him pull awayafter I tensed up.
“I-I’m so sorry I shouldn’t ha-”
He kept talking but all I saw were his lips moving. His lips. The ones that were just on mine. That was nice. I leaned in and my lips were on his, but this time it was a breathraking, engulfing, heart-melting kind of kiss. The kind that melded into a kiss that was passionate and needy. With me straddling his lap, our tongues battling for dominance, and heavy breathing. I started to realize he was clearly exhausted, physically and emotionally. So I lessened the kiss and pulled away. He leaned his forhead against mine and I looked into his eyes. They seemed much less broken than they had before. It gave me hope. I whispered, “Spencer I love you. Not like a friend, well, like a friend but also…” he cut me off,
“I know. I love you.”
A tear fell down his cheek. I grabbed his hand and led him to his bathroom. He had just gotten back from the bureau and hadnt showered yet. Wordlessly, I started a hot shower and he stripped. I eyed him the whole time, enjoying it immensely. He caught me staring and chuckled.
“C'mon, I didn’t forget how to shower.”
I quickly took off my shirt and responded,
“I never said you did.”
I finished getting undressed and I took his hand again and we stepped under the stream of water. We didn’t do anything really sexual, I just washed his hair for him, massaging his scalp trying to calm him. When he was all washed, we kissed for a while. His tongue pushed into my mouth, earning dominance. My hands, which previously rested on his lower back traveled around his ribs, to the front of his chest where I felt his muscles. His mouth traveled to my neck nipping and sucking on all the right places. My hands continued upwards toward his hair where my fingers tangled into the sopping mess of hair. I felt his hands move down from the sides of my face to my breasts, kneading and massaging them. I felt him chuckle into the kiss and whispered
“You are so beautiful.”

After about 40 minutes the water had turned cold and we stepped out. He turned to me once we were both wrapped up in towels and softly said
“I love you.” for the 2nd time that day.
I smiled and he spoke again.

“Not having told you that is the reason I survived. Thank you for making it worth while.”

DAY 2699

Jalsa, Mumbai                 Aug  30/31,  2015               Sun/Mon   1:02 am

The event to be the expectation for the day .. a day that has filled itself with the most basics of human existence, indeed of all living existence - slumber !

How was it made essential .. why and who dictated it .. the MAKER say many, but how long or not was dictated by us .. we mortals, we parents individuals we medicos .. just us .. we decided that sleep is essential ..Ef tells me warns me screams and shouts at me, chides me, consoles me to get back its late ..

And we follow and obey .. 

We rest and slumber and defeat our faculties during the process .. somewhere it works and manufactures its product .. its essentials that shall keep us hopefully going for another day .. sleep .. slumber ..

My hours on it were extended today .. not by choice but by giving it allowances .. no force, no insistence just being driven by its presence .. sleep ..

It worries some when you sleep long hours .. behind closed doors .. the worst is thought of and it would be an acceptable argument .. but change in pattern of life and living can produce the difference .. we never know how much or to what extent the rest is desired .. and when it does come in large doses, we wonder how much neglect this aspect was given .. sleep in arrears .. sleep in default .. sleep …

Greater the time greater the need it seems .. but greater the frequency more the value depreciation .. rest in excess, lethargy invited .. lethargy invited, body in refusal .. body in refusal, a depression to work or in involvement in anything .. it draws one into such .. that is the evil .. the better is the benefit and then the operative after .. a splash of water, a shower and a ‘conquer of the world’ will .. mornings then are the freshness of mind and spirit .. the best thoughts the most valued injections of the heart, the purest willings of human emanate then .. those moments defined by the early rising of the sun are the essence of all that we wish it to be ..

Many pundits of living and health and oh so many do gooders, goad us into risings before the sun .. the first rays of it being the purest for the vital vitamin .. the offerings of acqua being the ode to the vitality of the most important planet in the hemisphere .. many suns do and are being discovered each passing year among our universe .. what intrigue and how complicated and varied the findings of our stars and the space within which they seemingly exist ..

And in the manifestations of the Sunday meetings comes the director of many films to make it a part of its story .. R Balki needs a factual occurence for ‘Ki and Ka’ and so he arrives at Jalsa to do so .. the post this meeting has been shot at the studio with Jaya .. this is the pre position of the post position ..

And then just as soon as it is done it is over .. !!

The day has ended .. the moment of the day is over .. the night has fallen .. the writing must be done .. the connect established with the waiting Ef  … the responses to be given to as many as possible .. the excesses of the well wishers to be entertained .. and the goodness of all to be acknowledged !!

The monsoon elusive as it seems this year, begins to attempt a disprove .. I hear it though .. soft and not as vigorous as it should to raise the percentages of the water levels .. to raise the hopes of the farmers .. to raise the level of the lakes that supply our water system .. to raise the hopes of the economy .. an economy they say that shall improve because another fails or is believed to have failed ..

For me though .. another meet of the finest athletes in the world has concluded .. a worry, for there is no such another to pursue .. sport .. sport the harbinger of Nation Recognition .. one that provides importance of a state in the state of the world .. no not the geography nor the politics nor the history and culture, but sport .. that is my identification … the sportsmen are the heroes, not those created on silver screen .. they .. they the epitome of talent and force and energy and effort and determination and sacrifice and training .. they the singular beings that ride expectation and result of an entire population .. an entire country of billions of people .. billions of people resting hope and honour and celebration through one individual .. he or she that breaks the others in the determination of the race for the furthest the highest and the fastest ..

Good night .. and pray .. someone somewhere needs it .. always .. it cannot be specified.. it must be understood and given .. never goes waste ..

Amitabh Bachchan