America: I think we should have glow stick juice injected into our bones when we’re born so when we break them there’s a fun little surprise
France: What’s the surprise
England: Blood poisoning
England: She’s beautiful
America: That’s gramatically wrong
England: Am I supposed to take advice from someone that couldn’t even spell grammatically correctly? You fool. You absolute coward. I will take your bones.
America: It’s 2:30 AM and I’m in the men’s bathroom and someone was in another stall and I started blaring the Thomas the tank engine theme and I literally heard them stop peeing out of fear
France: How do you know it was fear not arousal?
America: I like to think we live in a nice world and not the one you just created
Sweden: Ideal number of teeth?
England: As many as I can get my hands on
Taiwan: Y’all people if you’re truly an ally to people under 5’5 please start redistributing your height among us. You’re hoarding all those feet and inches and quite frankly it’s selfish. I don’t know what the top shelf looks like.
Hungary: I’ve had enough inches from men over 6’ redistributed into me and I still can’t see over the top shelf
Seychelles: Self care is eating mangos
England: I hate mangos
Seychelles: Oh die then
England: Enough is enough I’m going to weave a f*cking tapestry!
America: Would I trust a dinosaur to watch my young child while I went to buy some cigarettes? No, because any dinosaur that lets me smoke near my son has poor judgement.
America: Person about to invent hummus: man f*ck these chickpeas *beats the sh*t out of them*
Russia: I’m gonna invent powdered toes
America: Honestly I don’t know what this means but I feel like you should go to jail
France: Years ago I watched this porn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god! Oh god!!!’ And this dude was like ‘there are no gods here!’ And to this day it haunts me like wtf was he talking about?
Canada: My parents made watermelon pops and it’s honestly the cutest thing to me
Prussia: My parents made 25 years of marriage go down the drain
France: Make her wet without even touching her
Canada: Throw a glass of water in her face
Denmark: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube well I bet that’d be a neat noise
Norway: I beg to differ
Denmark: Then beg
England: Pray for me
England: Nothings wrong I just want more power
Finland: Y’all ever just have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actually but you just wanna… be in the water and have some peace
England: That’s how it gets you
Finland: This is so f*cking ominous am I gonna die?
America: It’s 2018 please put the k back in thicc
Hong Kong: Thikc
America: You know what I’ll take it
Japan: Me being dramatic at work after I make one mistake: I’m going home to reflect on what I’ve done. I’m a work in progress. Thank you everyone for being so patient with me. I deserve much less than the kindness you’ve shown me. Good night team.
South Korea: Holy sh*t this was me when I almost burned down the store two days ago.
Japan: I’ll admit the mistake I made was a lot smaller than yours
America: You’re the bad guy in somebody’s story
Russia: Pal I’m the bad guy in MY story
America: When I was
Canada: A young boy
Hong Kong: My father
Iceland: ATE AN ENTIRE F*CKING LEMON. HE DIDNT SQUEEZE IT OUT OR ANYTHING. HE DIDNT CUT INTO PIECES. HE DIDNT EVEN SKIN IT. HE JUST STUFFED THE ENTIRE LEMON INTO HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWED. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO HORRIBLE IN MY LIFE.
Australia: To see a marching band
Estonia: U ever think about how your skeleton is always wet?
America: I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life
Lithuania: Don’t worry! There will come a time when it’s not
America: Thanks! Even worse
England: Met a dumbass today, awful
France: You looked in the mirror?
England: Someday you will have to answer for your action and god may not be so merciful
America: Hey here’s a fact for all my followers who follow me. Butter, ice cream, milk and cheese all come to us from the same animal. I can’t remember which animal it is right now but I know for sure it’s the same one
Canada: I’ll give you a hint. It moos
America: Thanks, yeah it’s the moose
Prussia: Tiddies so big you call her the boobonic plaque
China: Hi There! I didn’t ask for this!
England: What are the healthiest teas?
America: Honestly, integrity, and loyalty
England: Can y’all ever just give me a normal answer?
Greece: If you don’t kiss your cat on it’s tiny soft little forehead wtf are you even doing
Czech: Yelling at her for trying to eat plastic
Scotland: I can’t express how much I hate f*cking bees
America: Then stop f*cking bees it’s a really simple solution