the first time sana opens herself up to even it’s late at night and she has been crying for longer than she’d like to admit. she’s had the most awful day and nothing was able to cheer her up, the girls asked if something was wrong because they knew sana was not ok, but she just didn’t feel confortable talking about that with any of them, she never feels like she can talk about her feelings with someone, she has to be strong, has to be tough.
but tonight sana feels more hopelless than she has felt for a while.
even just texted her, with one of his ridiculous memes that he’s always sending everyone and she will never admit that some of them are actually funny. they’ve been best friends for a while now, it’s being so amazing hanging out with even and isak, sana has seen even at his best, but also at some pretty bad moments. she’s always trying to help both even and isak, always trying to be there for them.
the only thing even did was ask if she was ok, just a simple question and sana doesn’t know why but she has to talk with someone and, for some reason, she feels like she can talk to even about everything so she just started telling him. she tells him about how she feels afraid but will never let it show, how she always feels like an outsider in the country that’s supposed to be her home, how she is always trying to prove herself, prove she’s strong, prove she knows how to deal with everything, prove she does not care about the looks she receives from people on the street, how she’s tired of pretending everything is fine when she actually has a lot of struggles.
sana just tells even about everything and when she finishes it, it’s like she can finally breath pure air, like a huge and heavy stone was lifted from her back, and as she awaits for an answer she doesn’t allow herself to feel regret. so even responds. and sana is crying harder now. she’s crying because even is telling her things she didn’t expect to hear from anyone. “You don’t have to be strong all the time” he says, “You are allowed to be weak and you don’t have to hide it. You are allowed to be human.” and sana cries because deeply in herself she knows all that, but no one ever said this to her. “You are the smartest, greatest, strongest girl I’ve ever met and I’m so sorry that you feel like this” even’s words are sweet, sana thinks he’s the sweetest. “I know what it’s like to be in a stereotype, but I’m not gonna pretend I know what you go through, because I don’t.” and then she cries even harder: “But I know what it’s like to feel alone, to feel like you have to deal with everything by yourself because it is your own problem and your own battle, but let me tell you something: you are not alone, Sana. Me and Isak and the girls and all your friends, we care so much about you, we just want to see you happy. And we are here for you, we are by your side, supporting you. Always. You’re only a human ok? And you are never alone. Please, don’t forget that.” and sana is still crying but she feels so much better. you’re not alone. she thinks about even’s words and how nice he is and she feels so much better now. things aren’t always gonna be ok, but she’s not alone –she repeats to herself– she is not alone.
So this has been on my mind for a while. But I feel like the reason Zavala is making sure Cayde is nearby at all times (especially at the farm when Zavala kept yelling to check if Cayde was near and threatened to go look for him) is cause you know, it’s the middle of a big war, and with Cayde’s last little adventure, he want’s to make sure Cayde doesn’t go off risking it in a moment like this. With Cayde’s behavior maybe Zavala doesn’t want Cayde to end up like Andal.
post-squip; jeremy is buds w/ rich and michael isn’t really, so jer is like “hey you should also be friends with rich” and michael agrees so he and rich becomes friends but jer then feels jealous bc mike is hanging with rich more and more
I walk down the hall to meet up with Rich- yes that Rich, the same Rich that bullied me for a year, the same Rich that set a fire and burned down a house.
That’s all behind us now that the Squip is gone. Ever since that happened, everyone has been pretty chill and not as douchey.
I see Rich up ahead, with Jake, and go towards him.
“Hey, Heere!” Rich calls as soon as I reach him.
“Jeremy.” Jake nods.
“Hey, Rich, Jake.” I say.
As they continue to talk, i take my time to look around.
I see Chloe texting someone, and Brooke trailing behind her like a lost puppy. There’s Jenna talking to Justin Croft about something drastic that has happened.
And walking through the door is Michael. Michael has been my friend, since I can remember. Walking with him, is Christine. I dated her for a while, but we just didn’t click. I was heartbroken for a while, but Michael helped me through it.
“Heere? Heere? JEREMY!” Rich yells as i snap back to reality.
“Um what?” I say (awkwardly shall I add).
“Why don’t you ask Mike over there to hang with us?” Rich asks, also looking at Michael.
“Um, I don’t know, Michael doesn’t do well with new people. I-I could try though, heh.” I say.
Rich gestures to get Michael and I take a deep breath and go to him. Ever since I broke up with Christine, I’ve been closer with Michael. Yeah sure, I was close with him before, but it’s different, ya know?
I get to Michael, “Hey buddy! Rich wants to k is if you want to hang with us?” I ask.
Michael darts his eyes towards Rich and Jake and then back to me.
“Umm, I don’t know man. I promised Christine to help her with math.” Michael says scratching the back of his neck.
Christine interjects, “No no! It’s fine! Really. I’ll just ask someone else.” She says smiling.
Michael laughs nervously and shrugs, “Guess I’m with you guys.”
“Hey,” I say putting a hand on his shoulder, “You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.”
He gives me a warm smile, “It’s fine, we all need to get out of our comfort zone once in a while.”
We walk back to Rich and see that Jake had left to go talk to other people.
Rich sends Michael a warm smile, “Hey, Michael, how ya doin’?” Rich asks.
Michael shrugs, “Good I guess?”
Suddenly the bell rings signaling that first is starting.
“Nice chatting with you too! See ya at lunch?” Rich asks, walking away.
“See ya, Rich!” I call back, “You want me to walk you to science?” I ask Micheal.
“I’ll be fine. See you later, Jer!” Michael smiles and waves, and then he’s gone.
I wave back and then I’m off to first.
Lunch, best part of the day. I can finally eat food without getting in trouble. You can talk to your friends without being told to be quiet. You can wonder aimlessly outside. Do whatever in these 30 minutes.
I walk to where Michael and I usually have lunch and spot Michael and Rich looking at Rich’s phone.
I’ve gotta admit, I feel a pang of hurt, but quickly push it off like nothing and head over to them.
“Hey guys, hope you didn’t eat all the food without me,” I joke, sitting next to Michael, who is now i’m the middle.
“Dude, you have to see. Rich just showed me a video of Jake fall and dropping his Slushee!” Michael says between laughs as Rich hands over the phone to me.
To be honest, I don’t really pay attention to the video. I pretend to laugh and i glance at Michael and Rich’s legs touching. Weird, I know. it i still can’t help feeling… envious? I don’t know, but I don’t like it, whatever it is.
I hand the phone back, “Sooo, Michael, my dad is going out this weekend so it’s just me and I wanted to know if you wanted to sleep over or something? We could play games, you’ll be my player two! Like old time,” I smile awkwardly at Michael.
Michael eyes widen, “Oh! Uuhh well, actually, Rich kinda already invited me over and, uh, I said yeah?” Michael scratches his neck.
Ok now that hurts.
“Oh, that’s fine. You two have fun,” I sadly smile.
Michael looks at me for a second and turns back to Rich to finish their conversation.
For the rest of lunch, I stay quiet.
Last day till another week of hell.
And the last day till I see him again.
His tan skin, black hair. His brown eyes and that same damn red sweatshirt he wears everyday.
I hear my phone buzz, and I shit up from my bed to retrieve it.
It’s from him.
Of course it is.
Player 1: jer, u ok????
I quickly text back:
jerbear: ya?????? why wouldn’t i be????
Player 1: u seemed off on fri…
jerbear: bro,,, i’m fine,,, really
jerbear: how was hanging w/ rich?
Player 1: oh
Player 1: we never ended up hanging out…
jerbear: oh??? why?
Player 1: i just,, didn’t feel like it.
Player 1: it’s not that same
jerbear: ??? explain
I turn off my phone and go downstairs to get lunch while waiting for a reply.
Once I get downstairs, I see my dad (without pants) making something that we’ll probably eat for dinner.
“Hey they, Heere!” He greets.
“Hey dad.” I reply, getting left over pizza from the fridge.
“Why do you sound so… meh?” He asks, turning around.
“Why is everyone asking that!?” I snap, slamming the fridge door shut.
“Woah, Jeremy, just askin’.” Dad says, putting his hands up defensively.
I sigh, “Sorry, I’ve just been…” I trail off looking outside the kitchen window.
“Huh, so you like someone?” Dad says smiling.
This draws me back, “whAT NO WHY WOULDYOUSAYTHATNODADIDONTLIKEANYONEWHOEOUODEVENLIKEMEAREYOU-”
“Jeremy!” My dad cuts me off, “I was just asking!! But by the seems of that answer… you do like someone!” He laughs.
“Ugh, dad, I- I don’t know.” I say sitting down at the table and putting my head down.
“Well, if you do like someone, I’ll be there to help you sort it out.” He reassures me, patting me on the back.
I sigh once more, and head back upstairs with my cold pizza.
Once I sit back on my bed, I check me phone for any answer, and I’m surprised to see multiple texts from Michael.
Player 1: its just whenever im hanging round rich and ur not there it doesnt feel the same
Player 1: like ya rich is cool and all that jazz but its just two dudes hanging out
Player 1: but w/ u it feels more personal and kajdjsjdk
Player 1: ugh sorry i’m venting
Player 1: ill stop bothering u
I immediately reply.
jerbear: nonono tell me, i want to know
Player 1: its complicated bro
jerbear: there’s nothing you can’t tell me
jerbear: i’ll be there for you
Player 1: but what if u hate me???
jerbear: there is nothing you can do to make me hate you man
Player 1: okok hold on it’s a lot to write
And with that, he starts typing away and I am left to wonder.
An hour later and I still haven’t gotten a reply, and it’s starting to worry me.
Finally, my phone buzzes and I quickly go to read it.
Player 1: i like you
Wait.. was that it!? That’s what took an hour to write!?
But wait, does he like me? As a friend or… more??????
jerbear: i like you too bro
Player 1: no
Player 1: i mean i LIKE you
Ok, that wasn’t the right to to send.
But the question is… do I feel the same way?
Player 1: jeremy??!!
jerbear: give me a min to think k
Player 1: !!!!
It’s now Monday morning and I’ve been looking at that message all night, trying to figure out what to say.
I begin typing.
jerbear: 1) sorry i haven’t answered yet, i needed time to think
jerbear: 2) i like you too
jerbear: 3) i think i’ve been lowkey jealous of you hanging with rich
Player 1: woah man
Player 1: sweet
Player 1: wanna go out on a date????
I smile at the text.
jerbear: sure :)
Player 1: :))
jerbear: date meaning you and i get stoned in your basement and watch a movie
the reason why god has zubin sedghi die (Tally Hall Internet Show Episode 2: Death Request) was because he watched Boralogue III and saw zubin sedghi interrupt the middle of the show to answer a phone call and god saw that as such a raw power move that he killed him
So um, here are some doodles that I’ve done over the last couple of weeks (months) of various moments in my first story, It’s Not Too Late. They are unfinished, sloppy and terrible and probably shouldn’t see the light of day, but here they are! Whoo! Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to post these.
And if you haven’t read It’s Not Too Late, you can check it out here.