the first time sana opens herself up to even it’s late at night and she has been crying for longer than she’d like to admit. she’s had the most awful day and nothing was able to cheer her up, the girls asked if something was wrong because they knew sana was not ok, but she just didn’t feel confortable talking about that with any of them, she never feels like she can talk about her feelings with someone, she has to be strong, has to be tough.
but tonight sana feels more hopelless than she has felt for a while. even just texted her, with one of his ridiculous memes that he’s always sending everyone and she will never admit that some of them are actually funny. they’ve been best friends for a while now, it’s being so amazing hanging out with even and isak, sana has seen even at his best, but also at some pretty bad moments. she’s always trying to help both even and isak, always trying to be there for them.
the only thing even did was ask if she was ok, just a simple question and sana doesn’t know why but she has to talk with someone and, for some reason, she feels like she can talk to even about everything so she just started telling him. she tells him about how she feels afraid but will never let it show, how she always feels like an outsider in the country that’s supposed to be her home, how she is always trying to prove herself, prove she’s strong, prove she knows how to deal with everything, prove she does not care about the looks she receives from people on the street, how she’s tired of pretending everything is fine when she actually has a lot of struggles.
sana just tells even about everything and when she finishes it, it’s like she can finally breath pure air, like a huge and heavy stone was lifted from her back, and as she awaits for an answer she doesn’t allow herself to feel regret. so even responds. and sana is crying harder now. she’s crying because even is telling her things she didn’t expect to hear from anyone. “You don’t have to be strong all the time” he says, “You are allowed to be weak and you don’t have to hide it. You are allowed to be human.” and sana cries because deeply in herself she knows all that, but no one ever said this to her. “You are the smartest, greatest, strongest girl I’ve ever met and I’m so sorry that you feel like this” even’s words are sweet, sana thinks he’s the sweetest. “I know what it’s like to be in a stereotype, but I’m not gonna pretend I know what you go through, because I don’t.” and then she cries even harder: “But I know what it’s like to feel alone, to feel like you have to deal with everything by yourself because it is your own problem and your own battle, but let me tell you something: you are not alone, Sana. Me and Isak and the girls and all your friends, we care so much about you, we just want to see you happy. And we are here for you, we are by your side, supporting you. Always. You’re only a human ok? And you are never alone. Please, don’t forget that.” and sana is still crying but she feels so much better. you’re not alone. she thinks about even’s words and how nice he is and she feels so much better now. things aren’t always gonna be ok, but she’s not alone –she repeats to herself– she is not alone.