i hate the way i look so much i always want to cry whenever i look at my body in the mirror, all i see is just pure fat
I struggled with this a lot too, angel, but know that you’re the only one seeing that. There’s so much beauty in you. Having fat on your body doesn’t equal ugly, fat on you doesn’t mean you are not beautiful. I know plenty of plus sized girls who are drop dead gorgeous. I told one of them and she was stunned, said “I can’t be pretty, I’m fat”. Well guess what, I was totally crushing on her. I’m just saying that even if you feel ugly, you aren’t.
But you need to feel comfortable with yourself, too. So if you want to change, change. If you want to diet or start working out, do it. But do it for yourself and not for others (even if they tell you too). Honey, don’t let this get you down.
Have a little story. I used to be on the heavier side as a kid/early teens due to medication, operations as a baby and me not being so tall but really loving pasta. I hated myself and I knew I’d never be pretty. All my friends were pretty, I had friends looking like models and I still think they do. Everyone around me was pretty and I was just an ugly nothing.
But I changed, my body changed and now I’m a perfect weight, nearly too light even and I still think my thighs are fat. It’s like Eugene Yang said once, appreciating/accepting your body is much more difficult than just changing your body. (context: they photoshopped him into the “perfect man” and he still thought his stomach was too fat while he’s like the most handsome person alive imo). It’s about what’s in your head and not (just) your body. I’m rambling way too much but sweetheart, like I said, don’t let this get you down- remember that you’re not alone in this and that most of all, you are beautiful.
some things to help someone who has body dysmorphic disorder and is having an Episode™
- try not to bring attention to their appearance. it can be hard when someone is saying “im so ugly” or “im so disgusting” constantly, but for me when someone is telling me “you look great!!” in response or people who go on and on about how beautiful i am it means absolutely nothing. not only will i not believe you, i don’t care what you see i care what i see in the mirror. for some people it helps to be reassured, but for me it is just frustrating
- remain calm and act like nothing is happening. i know that sounds weird but personally when i am having an episode i don’t want anyone to bring attention to the fact that im crying in the middle of a grocery store because i feel so ugly.
- try to keep the mood positive and talk about anything other than their episode
- seriously, don’t ask what’s wrong and don’t make them talk about it. it gets frustrating having to restate “i feel ugly” every time someone asks what’s wrong and i start feeling like people are tired of hearing it. DONT ASK WHY THEY FEEL UGLY. THE ANSWER IS EVERYTHING. THEY JUST DO
- turn on some kind of tv show or movie you know the person enjoys. it helps to get my mind off of it. personally i really like watching bob ross when im upset.
- PLEASE TRY NOT TO GET FRUSTRATED. PLEASE. i know it’s frustrating but please it will make it so much better if you just ignore the episode (not the person but the episode) and act as if everything is fine otherwise they’ll feel worse thinking you’re mad at them.
i may or may not be standing in the middle of my kitchen, arrested from cooking dinner bc i’m crying over postcards my students sent
thank you so much, @miamikurasan, @sevenblooms, folks who aren’t on the tumbls ;; v ;; you’ve all got a lovely, at times ugly road ahead. i’m not much far on that road but i’ll be damned if i’m not sure you all would blaze your own trails
5. I totally felt a Natural Connection™️ with Tarjei AND Henrik when I got to meet them
6. Trying to be straight™️? ME
7. I can cry. I mean, CRY cry. Ugly cry (but still look good)
8. Do you see that picture of me and my boy squad in front of a castle? Yeah. #boysquad
9. I’ve acted in almost a dozen plays, both through school and independently, as well as three short films, so I know what I’m doing, but am definitely an unknown.
10. Sitting on a bench? Sign me up
BONUS: I would do anything to play Isak Valtersen. Julie and Tarjei were able to expertly craft this phenomenal character that helped me grow as a person more than I ever thought a fictional character could. When I watch Skam, I see so much of myself in Isak. I took the exact same Gay Test as him. I laid awake for hours wondering if boys I liked, liked me back. I awkwardly came out to my friends when they heard it from other people first. I dated girls to prove to myself and people around me that I was straight. My first gay kiss was ripped right from a movie, only I was laying down like Sleeping Beauty and he got down on one knee and kissed me. I understand Isak because I am Isak. I’m the scared, lonely, angry closeted kid who makes other people guess who I like because it’s easier than telling them myself. I know US Skam won’t be able to replicate Julie and Tarjei’s Isak, because it never could. Nothing and nobody ever could. I don’t know if US Skam will be good; some remakes (The Office, Shameless) are amazing, others (Skins) are terrible. I hope US Skam is good, because I hope other people get to have characters they connect with the way I connect with Isak. I want to play Isak (or Isaac?) because I want to do for somewhat else what Tarjei did for me. I will always be grateful to him. I will never be able to thank him and Julie enough for Isak Valtersen.
If anybody important ever sees this and wants to give me a chance, I’ll be eternally grateful to you as well. :)
Just keep telling her till she does. Yeah? You know…all her life, all she has ever wanted is somebody to reassure her that she is worthy of love. So if you do that, then, um…you know, she will be good to you, she will take care of you. She will even over look all those things that are so deeply fucked up in you. Uh, and yeah, when she get out of here, she will, uh…uh, probably hack your phone or maybe, uh, key some female co-worker’s car. But yeah shes gonna do it ‘cause she loves you. And uh… *chuckles* I mean, some people would give anything to be loved like that. *chuckles* That’s all I gotta say. Just stew in your juice, and then uh, yeah, do the right thing.
Do you ever just feel like breaking down because of the pressure build up and so much stress, new things to worry about keep popping up, things you thought you were over come up again, but worse... It's been so long... I wish I could just let go sometimes
Top 10 moments when ACOMAF shattered my heart in the best way possible
Okay, now that I’ve spent my whole week just living and breathing about ACOMAF… re-reading ACOMAF… and just thinking about it obsessively and telling ALL my friends about it… I feel like now it is a good time to post this. I’m going to post my top 10 moments in ACOMAF where MY HEART BROKE. And I hope you guys can agree–because this fandom is one soul, and we ride and die together.
10. When Feyre comforts Rhysand after waking him up from his nightmare.
Like first of all, OW. It just breaks my heart over and over to think about what Amarantha did to Rhys, and what scars it left behind.
But… what broke my heart more was this:
“But–but how many nights had I wanted someone to do the same for me?”
AND I’M JUST LIKE FEYRE SUFFERED ALONE IN THE SPRING COURT
Because some stupid High Lord of the Spring Court just pretended to be asleep whenever she vomited her guts out, and pretended everything was all fine and dandy. You claim to love her, and yet, you let this happen. tamlin u shit bag
9. Lucien and Feyre reunion after Feyre goes to the Night Court.
“You gave up on me.”
Look, guys, I know Lucien is not a bad person. Deep down, he is a good, troubled person who has a lot of his own scars, and I know that he does consider Feyre to be his friend and he does care about her. But he also chooses to yield to Tamlin at the end of everything. He does fight for her, but he doesn’t fight enough against Tamlin. Now, this could be because Tamlin does instill a lot of fear in Lucien–which, if it’s true, it is not a healthy friendship, even if Tam is Lucien’s High Lord. But it makes me wonder, you know. Where is our fiery Lucien, who once spat at Tamlin’s feet? I really do hope that Elain will help him change for the better. Or that he comes to this realization from himself. Man, I love Lucien, but he’s going to have to do a lot more to redeem himself.
Because, see, even Rhys thinks that Lucien would’ve stepped in.
And this breaks Feyre’s heart, that her friend wouldn’t do this for her. And she would’ve fought for Lucien until the end, no doubt about.
“I thought so, too” HA HA HA LET ME LIE IN MY OWN PUDDLE OF TEARS
8. The scars that remain with Rhys because of Amarantha.
The next scene that broke my heart happens during the sexytimes between Feyre and Rhys.
Okay, just re-reading this scene is making me really emotional. So I don’t know if I’m going to be coherent enough to say this. But like, guys. I think this scene is important–and heartbreaking at the same time–because it’s a moment where Rhysand’s scars are acknowledged. Again, it is so rare in YA fiction to see a male character who has been sexually abused, and Sarah explores the scars that remain within Rhysand. And it’s also important because he’s also able to overcome these scars, and find happiness even after the darkest of times.
7. How Rhysand is treated in Velaris vs. Under the Mountain
Okay, so I like how 8 and 7 relate to each other.
What struck me about this scene was: “no one whispered about him or spat on him or stroked him as they had Under the Mountain”
What really breaks my heart here is that it’s not just Amarantha that violated Rhys. Others did it too, because Amarantha did it, because Rhys was Amarantha’s whore, and therefore, her property.
And this makes me really sick to my stomach. And it breaks my heart. fuck
6. Feyre realizing how sad she is at the Spring Court before her wedding.
THIS PHYSICALLY HURTS
my poor baby Feyre
I spent a good portion of time during the beginning of the novel wanting to wrap her in a warm blanket, hug her, and tell her it’s okay.
And Tamlin, CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS, is able to laugh freely. I’m gonna fight him
Even Rhys in Chapter 11 goes: “Months and months, and you’re still a ghost. Does no one there ask what the hell is happening? Does your High Lord simply not care?” (Shall we count this as like an honourable mention moment for when my heart broke into a million pieces… again)
ha ha ha ha let me DIE my heart can’t take this
5. Rhysand asks Feyre about her birthday.
This isn’t a sad scene, but it still moved me and broke my heart because you can obviously tell how much Rhys loves Feyre.
FEYRE’S BIRTHDAY IS THE WINTER SOLSTICE
THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR
“YOU WERE TRULY BORN ON THE WINTER SOLSTICE?”
YES RHYS MY SMOL SON YOUR MATE WAS BORN ON THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR YES YOU TRULY BELONG TOGETHER
But also, like. Rhys seems genuinely sad that Feyre did not celebrate her birthday. Do I foresee belated birthday gift/party in ACOTAR 3? Because yes I will sell my soul for this
4. Feyre walking away from Rhysand after learning about the mating bond
Okay, no, I totally understand why Feyre is angry enough that she wants some time alone away from Rhysand once she learns from the Suriel that they’re mates. I’ve seen people hating on her for it… but c’mon. Really? You don’t think you’d be angry? Angry enough to walk away? I mean I’d want my own space to think too
But yeah it still broke my heart because Rhysand just calls after her… injured and weakened… ahaha…..ha…. why…
Now we’re rolling into the final 3… and honestly, these broke my heart the most and made me cry. I still want to weep when I think about them.
3. Rhysand noticing Feyre’s weight loss
He cares so much about her. *UGLY WAILING* *falls to the floor*
And he makes sure she eats properly. And wants to have breakfast with her.
RHYSAND YOU PRECIOUS SOUL
cue ugly sobbing, with the snot and everything
rhysand calling tam out on his shitty behaviour
2. Cassian and Feyre training
This is still one of my favourite scenes, and I … just. The whole scene leading up to it is an emotional roller coaster–Cassian saying that he’s there for Feyre if she wants to talk about leaving the Spring Court, the whole “I’m fine” thing, and how Feyre just realizes she did everything for Tamlin… and he just…. left her to suffer alone.
He’s ready to take the blow.
CASSIAN WOULD TAKE THE BLOW.
BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT FEYRE AND WANTS TO HELP HER COPE.
BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS.
Rhys is precious, Cassian is precious….. the whole Night Court squad is precious. I just love them so muchhhhhhh.
And now. . . okay.
The final scene had me in full blown tears.
1. Amren x Feyre
SHE ASKS RHYS THIS LIKE 3 TIMES
SHE DEMANDS TO KNOW WHERE FEYRE IS
AND AND AND AMREN ISN’T ALWAYS VOCAL ABOUT HER FEELINGS AND SHE’S SCARY AND SHE’S VICIOUS
BUT SHE LOVES FEYRE
IT’S THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH AMREN–AND THE REST OF THE COURT–ALSO LOVE FEYRE, A FELLOW DREAMER
D E A D
LOWER ME TO THE GROUND
This post also made me very emotional again. Thanks for reading. And if you know want to discuss ACOMAF with me, and the scenes that broke your heart (because there are like 10 million more)… feel free to shoot me a message.
Oh man I didn't know there were multiple occasions// ahh I've been a casual Shinee Stan of like three year and I want to get to know them! And then I saw all these posts about Minho hugging my little guy :'( and honestly any video of that would be just fine
minho hugging the little guy is actually my favorite thing so i’m just going to tell u about every time it’s happened (that i know of) so i can remember there is a good thing in this world and that good thing is minho
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jonghyun is a precious sobbing mess. while minho doesn’t swoop in to save him until about 1:10, jonghyun spends that first minute sobbing loudly into the shoulders of some sj members before minho comes in to wipe his tears away and hold him really close and pictures from this day also make me really emotional
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honestly every second of this video makes me emotional more than words can express. key starts crying first and jjong goes into hug him while the other members stand to the side and smile at them. at about 6:00, key points out that jjong has started to cry and Precious Sunshine Boy minho comes in to pat his back. jonghyun then makes the most pathetic and emotional waddle over to hug taemin, then jinki–all while minho babe is standing off to the side, waiting for jjong–spitty, teary, boogery jjong–to hug him too at about 7:03. minho is extra precious here because he sways while they’re hugging and pats him a lot and i just ;;;; minho ;;;;
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jjong bb just ;;; so ;;; teary and emotional. honestly he’s such an ugly and gross crier i wouldn’t come near him yet minho is just “my bro :’)”. he even wipes jjong’s tears away with his thumb and holds him from the side and then gets him a towel to cry into. minho is such a good boy.
blue night 170403
throughout this whole broadcast i just wanted someone to swoop in and hug jonghyun since he was crying so hard but no one did… and then minho came in to save the day. to save the Tiny Man. as soon as minho appears jjong does this weird thing with his neck, almost like he didn’t want minho to come, but then he gets up from his chair and minho is walking toward him with his arms outstretched and jjong just //melts//. he goes all limp in minho’s arms and lets minho sway him around. then at the end they hug again and pat each other’s butts and it’s so important to me.
in conclusion minho is the sweetest human being ever and there’s no one i’d rather have wipe away jjong bb’s tears ;;;
Some Things Kent Parson Has Said to the Rookies While Drunk:
1. “My cat is more beautiful than all of you ugly fuckers combined and if you don’t think so then everyone can suck it and get out of my house,” then proceeded to cry into a random rookie’s arms for no particular reason.
2. “I just want to eat cereal out of the Cup again. I ask for so little–” (”Parser, you said if your future spouse doesn’t buy you a ring with a diamond that’s bigger than your face, you’ll blow your brains out.”) “……Get out of my house.”
3. “See that guy over there? I’m going to climb him like a tree. Hold my drink.” (“No, Parser–”) “If I don’t come out of the bathroom in ten minutes, assume that I’ve died by dick–” (“Jesus, I’m taking you home.”)
4. “Fuck, I have to dance. It’s Britney. This is my moment.” (”Kent, please don’t–” Kent slaps the rookie’s hands away.) “My loneliness is killing me–don’t fucking touch me, James–”
(Post-bar hopping. A rookie is petting Kent’s hair, hoping that he’ll go to sleep soon, but Kent shoots right up for a brief moment.)
“You guys are the best teammates a guy can ask for. Thanks for taking me home. Please don’t leave me alone. I love everyone. Except you, James. But only because you used all my Nutella and put the jar back. You think I wouldn’t notice? What the fuck, man.”
BONUS +1, at the Parson-Mashkov wedding: “You know, the diamond he got wasn’t the size of my face. But that’s okay, because he’s got a huge–” ( “Okay, Parser, we know, your husband has a huge fucking dick. Congrats.”) “What? No. I was going to say, ‘huge heart.’ You fucking sickos. Stop thinking about my husband’s penis.” (”We weren’t.”) “It is pretty fucking big though.” (”God, Parser, why would you–” All rookies and Kent chug their drinks.)
-Behind the scenes of BNHA, there are just a bunch of actors and actresses attempting to look like they have superpowers and sometimes failing miserably at their own stunts. Their love for each other is still the same though. c:
-Every time Izuku disappears in the makeup artist’s room, a small crowd of the other actors and crew form outside. After sometimes an hour or two (prob more tbh), Izuku will stumble out with exaggerated limping and show off his “mangled” body parts. He’s had to break his bones so many times in this series, he’s used to the amount of makeup they have to put on him. The others always laugh and suggest ways he might’ve hurt himself this badly in real life.
-Izuku: “I dunno, it’s gotta be hard to hurt myself like this without a power. …maybe get hit by a train. Five times.”
-Kiri gets made fun of because his sharp teeth are actually real. The first time they met him to read through the first script, he smiled all wide and five people gasped.
-Ochako asked him if he filed them that way or if he has a hard time brushing his teeth. Izuku wanted to know allllll about his crazy dentist experiences. And Denki just walked up, stuck his fingers in Kiri’s mouth and went “HOLY SHIT THEY’RE SHARPER THAN I THOUGHT!”
Kiri: “DENKI STOP–MMMMPH!”
-When he’s not playing his explosive, angry character, Katsuki is actually one of the most loved actors in the whole group. He’s super friendly and playful, and helps everyone a lot. (He’s still an overachiever and he still swears like a sailor though)
-The oddest thing for them to watch is the transition from a bullying scene to when Izuku and Katsuki fall out of character. The minute a scene is over, Izuku will laugh and say something like “you had me scared for a second, Kacchan!” or “great job, I really thought you were gonna kill me for a minute.” Katsuki always grins and ruffles Izuku’s hair, before asking for water because “i am going to destroy my fucking voice if i have to shout at someone one more time.”
-As actors, Izuku and Katsuki are best friends, and they meet to read scripts a lot, or discuss ways to act through scenes. They get along really well and aren’t above hugging each other or showing up in each other’s clothes on set. (Not that they’re like dating or anything lol theytotallyare ANYWAY) There have been times when Izuku had to comfort Katsuki after a particularly harsh scene, because it hurts Katsuki sometimes to say such awful things to Izuku.
-Out of character, Shinsou is basically Aizawa, minus the sleeping bag. He has shown up near-late to read-throughs, in pajama bottoms, with a blanket, coffee, and muttering, “when can i sleep again” He naps all the time. He can fall asleep on anything, anywhere. He doesn’t know how to explain why he likes it so much, they’ve just accepted that if you can’t find Shinsou anywhere, he’s probably hiding in a place where he can sleep.
-Places Shinsou has fallen asleep: slumped over his dressing room table, in a chair, during read-throughs, on car rides, in Izuku’s lap, on Katsuki’s back while he was being carried, leaning against a wall, on the floor. The boy has no shame.
-As an actor, Shouto is the quiet one of the group. But he still strangely doesn’t mind getting into any of the ridiculous pranks or funny situations with the other actors at all. And he can be hilarious too. He is accidentally sarcastic with people. He doesn’t mean to be, but it comes out that way.
-“Shouto, Kiri told me I look ugly in this, but I think he’s wrong.”
“……what do you want from me”
“Tell me how it looks!”
“Oh. …..I thought Kiri already did.”
-Shouto also has a strange way of not practicing too much, but then going out, winging it, and acting like he’s freaking become the character. He’s made the other actors and actresses cry while watching his more emotional scenes. It’s very adorable to praise him after this, because his quiet mask breaks into a little smile and he just mumbles “thank you.”
-He has a not-so-tiny crush on the Wonder Duo, but refuses to tell anyone or admit it out loud. But he always hangs around them and when Izuku and Katsuki started talking to him, he lit up. He isn’t nearly as quiet or cold with them, he loves talking to them. Izuku and Katsuki love it too; Shouto will talk a lot with them, but his voice is still soft and it is the most endearing thing. Shouto blushes like a fool whenever they compliment him and could spend hours discussing the intricate details of Izuku’s eyes or Katsuki’s hair.
-Kiri: “Okay, new challenge! Everybody trade characters with someone else and be that character for the rest of the day! You can’t break character! Winner gets this chocolate bar I stole from Aizawa. Got it?”
Katsuki: “You wanna trade, Izuku?”
Shouto: “Can Izuku even become that mean?”
Izuku: “FUCK YES, OUT OF MY WAY HALF-AND-HALF BASTARD, I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU ALL.”