this is so ugly but it took so long

Hiiiii. So, 2016 is almost over (thank god), it’s christmas eve (i know most of you will probably see this until tomorrow so merry christmas and i’m sorry) and since i haven’t made a follow forever in a while, i decided to make one now to let you all know how much i love and appreciate each and every single one of you.

i’m especially grateful for all of my mutuals, thank you guys for following me 💕 some of us have been following each other since i started this blog which is just crazy omg.

Anyway, thanks guys you are amazing, i love you and your blogs and i just wish everyone nice holidays and a wonderful 2017!!!

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4

“Anytime the Foxes mentioned Andrew’s upcoming sobriety or Andrew’s name popped up in write-ups on the team’s performance at games, the focus was on what a danger he was. People talked about his trial and how it saved them from Andrew. No one said what they were doing to save Andrew from himself.” 


Nora Sakavic, The King’s Men

4

“So dear brother. Did the king really say.. I was ugly? Even if you’re on the battlefield, how can a brother not send his sister a reply? Are you… are you really.. I’m sorry it took me this long to recognize you. I promised to become happy, but I couldn’t keep it. I’m sorry.”

I was so unhappy before. Self worth and self love wasn’t in my vocabulary. I hated everything about myself, I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. My father would always tell me, “Davina you need to be smart, because with the way you are you’ll never be athletic.” And for so long I believed him and in 2014 I finally took my life back. Fitness saved my life, it gave me something I could control. My father left and so did a lot of my friends I didn’t know what to do and it scared me that I couldn’t control anything in my life. I remember August 15, 2014 I was sobbing on my bed and then I looked in the mirror and told myself “Maybe I was meant to be fat and ugly and I just have to deal with it.” But then I realized how dumb that sounded. Why was I MEANT to be UNHAPPY? And on that day I changed EVERYTHING, my way of thinking, my way of eating, my way of living. I found Blogilates and and for the first time I was enjoying myself, I was finally proud of myself. Today I still working on a few emotional things but over all I’m so much happier! And I have God to thank. I’m thankful for Showing me this site, Blogilates, and of corse I’m so thankful for all of you are your endless support.

🎀

10

fifth harmony memeget to know the girls; i believe that it wasn’t just by chance that we met but that it was written in our plan long before anyone knew. i think that by [god] placing us together was his way of letting us know that we needed each other. looking back to the day we were formed i would have never thought even in my wildest imagination that we would make it to this point. i love you all for each of your own reasons. i love you for making my dreams come true. – normani kordei hamilton.

okay so i tried my hand at writing for the first time in Years and idk if it’s any good?? idk its just Neil being introspective more that anything, mostly about andrew,, idk,, pls be nice to me it been so long since ive written 


In his 19 years of life Neil Josten had concerned himself with one thing: survival. He knew the concept like he knew every ugly blemish that marred his torso, like he knew the insistent need to get out of there perpetually lodged in his throat, like he knew the feel of cold steel against warm flesh again again again. That is to say he knew what it meant to survive intimately so. Neil knew how to shoot a man to make him bleed out without fatality and he knew how to kill a man without leaving a trace. The snik of a lock successfully picked, the consuming smoke and fire in his lungs, in his throat, on his tongue, the ricochet of a bullet and the resounding finality of the resultant echo were all sensations Neil had familiarised himself with over the years. Fear was something that had woven itself between Neil’s fingertips, burned behind eyes and weighted down his tongue. Intimacy meant feeling his mother’s heartbeat roaring in his ears on those nights it was too close, it was the back of his mother’s hand and the side of his face when he looked too long, it was Lola’s breath on his neck, hot and heavy.

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Let’s keep in mind that in one of Yoongi’s songs on his mixtape, it showed that he was really depressed and was implied that he tried to kill himself.But look how happy he is now, how his life took such a turn that he is pratically glowing and seems to have found peace in his heart after a long time.
I’m glad he shined through all the ugly stuff in his life and rose. He’s such a strong person who has been through so much pain in his life, and I look up to him so much.I aspire to become someone like him,I want to fight my demons and rise in life just like Yoongi did.

Legacy, Part Two, Philip Hamilton x Reader

Prompt: Continuation of ‘Legacy’ Part One. Inspiration from this excerpt: 

“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” -Sylvia Plath

Words: 601

Author’s Note: Wrote this in about 20 minutes. Philip is pretty bomb to write. When you have a dad like Alexander Hamilton, your mind is pretty interesting to try to figure out.

Warnings: Philip is pretty messed up because of his dad. Mentions of cheating.

Askbox | Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 3


You allowed yourself a singular moment of ‘what if’ as you took in his signature, so elegantly scribbled on the bottom of the ninth and final page: ‘Forever yours, Philip’.

He watched as you clutched the pages to your chest, a pained expression on your face. There was a sweet, sweet second of something you had never felt before brewing in your stomach. It was new and exciting, but the heaviness of your head warned you not to grow too comfortable with the feeling.

“Mr. Hamilton, I’m unsure of what to say-”

“Please. Philip is more than appropriate. I did show up on your stoop at a rather ungodly hour to profess my everlasting affection towards you.” He joked, turning away from the fireplace to watch you, perched in front of an elegantly carved desk.

“Philip it is, then.”

He allowed a moment of silence.

“Please, allow me to court you.”

“Philip-”

“I know it’s rather soon-” He interrupted.

“Phillip!”

“Of course, I’ll ask your father’s permission-”

Mr. Hamilton.” You spoke sternly, gathering the pages of his letter, “I’m afraid it’s not my father’s permission you will be needing.”

“Your mother’s then-”

“You’ll have to speak to my husband.” 

Philip had gotten into plenty of fights in his life. They often led to bruised cheeks and split lips. He found himself limping home on more than one occasion, but he had never felt a slap in the face quite like that one.

Oh.” Words we’re no longer in existence to him.

“He’s away on business. Some odd sounding country in France.I don’t wear the ring when he’s gone. Sometimes I wake up to an empty bed and a barren hand, for a second it’s like he doesn’t even exist.” You scoff, thinking of the overly elegant diamond that made you his property until death.

Philip took a seat. He was in desperate need of a drink.

He thought of his mother. Unsuspecting, with her full trust in her husband. Enough trust to leave him alone for the summer. Was Philip to be the other man? The Maria Reynolds to your Alexander Hamilton.

He suddenly wondered if Maria loved his father like his mother had. If she even suspected he was married. If she felt the numbness he did - knowing if it had been another time, in another universe - they could be happy with this person.

Maybe he was always meant for this life. Of course you were married. Of course you had to be the first woman he wrote to. Of course he had to fall in love.

“Do you love him?” He asked, not looking at you.

“He’s my husband.”

“That’s not what I asked.” His eyes met yours, desperately, “Do you love him?

“No.” 

He was no longer Maria Reynolds. He was nine year old Philip Hamilton, writing his fist poem with his mother at his side. You had a piano in the corner of the room, untouched. Decoration.

He took a seat at the bench, fiddling with the keys before falling back into the familiar run his mother had taught him years ago.

“Un, deux, trois, quarte, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf.” He sang lightly, always fumbling over the last few.

Sept, huit, neuf,” You corrected over his shoulder, playing the keys as a demonstration. You laughed at him when he tried again, changing the tune once more, “I think I like your version more.”

He looked up at you. It was something he always needed to hear. He didn’t mess up the tune, he simply evolved it. He hadn’t made a mistake.

“Run away with me.”

AOMG reacting to you asking them to buy pads

A/N: For the anon who requested this! Sorry it took so long lol

Originally posted by yooneroos

Simon D: At first, he’d probably protest against it just to tease you and watch you whine before finally agreeing to buy them for you. Personally, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person to be embarrassed about having to do it since he’s the romantic type and understands that it’s a natural thing for every girl.

Originally posted by ilsanflower

Gray: He seems like the type of person who’d be a little flustered upon hearing your request. However, after a bit of convincing him that there’s no reason for him to be uncomfortable, he’d go buy them for you.

Originally posted by jayfatuasian

Jay Park: Honestly, you probably wouldn’t even have to ask him because he’ll most likely already be on his way to the store. If he noticed you hadn’t been feeling well beforehand, he’d go out of his way to buy them for you so that when you do ask he just tosses you the bag.

Originally posted by cpvitamin

Loco: He’s so easily flustered that hearing this would make him be at a lost of words for a few minutes until he realizes that he hasn’t even responded. In the end he’ll buy them for you, but the entire time he’s at the store he’d be anxiously passing them by in case anyone was watching.

Savior Saeran

*breathes in and out* Okay. After many hours of thinking and thinking Bang PT 4 was legit my worse work I ever done in my writing history. I reread it on my computer so many times that I found ever mistake to the last dot. It was ugly, it was nasty and it was because I felt like I needed to get Bang PT 4 out for you guys that I didn’t feel it. Honestly it took me 5 hours to write that small piece of shit because I felt pressured to do it because some of you anons were telling me “ when are you gonna upload, hurry up, why are you taking so long, where is my request” and being the people pleaser my ass is, I fell for the pressure and created something shitty like BANG PT 4. The other three parts probably didn’t have that many mistakes but JESUS CHRIST bang 4 was something. In another note, I’m honestly really disappointed with some of the people that even follow me. How can you tell someone to kill themselves? I was legit disgusted with tumblr and my phone in general I didn’t touch it for a good few hours. Like how can people be that cruel to writers who give out their content for free ? LEGIT FOR FREE AND WE DONT EXPECT SHIT BACK. I’m just wow. Now, I’m not even going to be afraid to block anons. I know there is a way because someone showed me and I’m going to find how to do it, so I can start blocking anons. UPDATE: my dog is doing much better he is moving around and doesn’t need my help that much, but he still needs my love and care. Tomorrow I start work because the high school starts tomorrow and well I only work 2 days a week. I already started writing last night and that piece of writing…..I put my whole heart and soul into it. It’s not finish yet and won’t finish till tomorrow probably. I’m sorry for everything and I’m sorry for failing to bring a good ending to the Bang for those who read it. I’m not sure when BANG will be updated with the last chapter but I know for sure it won’t be till I feel better and confident in myself again for writing smut. Yes, my self esteem went down and I’m not afraid to say it. Well that is all :) I love you munchkins and damn I’m hurt 😂 remember to keep smiling and to drink water :). - Savior Saeran