this is so relevant to my life it broke my heart

oh man, rewatching 1x06 today completely broke my heart all over again for dean. :( i mean, it’s only the sixth episode in, and we’re already getting some major insight on his characterization, stuff that’s ended up being just as relevant in the more recent seasons.

*****

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

SAM: You’re kind of anti-social, you know that?

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

*****

DEAN: You lie to your friends because if they knew the real you, they’d be freaked. It’s just—it’d be easier if—

SAM: If I was like you.

DEAN: Hey, man, like it or not, we are not like other people.

*****

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: I swear, the more I learn about you and your family—I thought I came from a bad background.

SAM: What do you mean, learn?

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother?

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. 

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass.

*****

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: That’s right. 

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? 

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else.

SHAPESHIFTER!DEAN: It’s funny. I kind of understand him. He’s all alone—close to no one. All he wants is for someone to love him. He’s like me. You know, everybody needs a little human touch now and then. It’s so hard to be different.

*****

even though dean obv has both sam and cas, 10 years later, it still seems like dean’s feeling just as alone as he ever did. :((((((