this is so old and i am emptying out my drafts

The Draft

I hate this part
Where I am. So far from where I was.
My heaven turned to hell
The warm and soft turned a harsh cold
And not this emptiness in my soul

I gave my all.
I cut all strings.
I made vows before God;
with no wedding rings.
Went before God, in a church, as one soul.
Baptized in Christ so I could become whole.

This slowed down before they quickened
The sweet replaced with bitter
all lost from the beginning
Looking back from where we started
The path is distorted
the doves have departed

Its too late in the game to accept weak excuses
Im getting too old for my worth to be disputed
Not willing to have to compete with other woman
Count me out because that winning -
is losing
If I’m one of the options than I opt out,
no confusion

The trust is gone.
I can no longer believe you.
You betray me but turn and say that I deceive you
You accuse my love - bcz your own is weak
You’re easily taken by women
just by how they speak
to you

But I know you, I know the real you.
I know the truth.
And for them it’s just a ticking time bomb on a wall
that sometime they will see right through
and will they love you at all?

Will they love you at your lowest.
Sleeping in trailers, in dirty clothes
Will they love you when you gain weight
will they love you when you get sent up state
will they love you with a needle in your arm
will they love you when they see you wrapped in another’s arms
will they love you when they hear your past
will they stick it out while they are attacked and harassed

?


You’ll put on your masquerade and they’ll tell you all you want to hear
sweet talk all night long, pictures, quotes and you’ll be smiling ear to ear

and you’ll talk of love
and how love did you wrong

talk of an unconditional love and say you’ve never had it
but the truth is that you are the one that could never give it.
You wanted what you wanted and demanded what you needed
but left me to die inside and cut off my limbs
refused to feed me any love and watched my heart bleed through my eyes

-AeA