this is so hideous of me

5

-”I was only a substitute tonight, or last night…whatever. I don’t work there y’know, however I do work in a place quite similar. Men pay me to sit with them at restaurants or cafes, or to even walk with them. They’re not allowed to touch me but, I guess they’re just lonely and need someone to talk to. Or maybe they’re perverts, who knows. I feel like I owed you that explanation. That’s my real job at nights and early mornings. I feel like I should’ve been honest with you…I’m sorry.”
-“No don’t worry about that. I completely understand. We’ve always told each other our secrets so, actually Aiko…I’m going to tell you what’s going on in my life okay?”
-“Okay.” 

Previously

“Your letter was delightful, red and yellow wine to me; but I am sad and out of sorts. Bosie, you must not make scenes with me. They kill me, they wreck the loveliness of life. I cannot see you, so Greek and gracious, distorted with passion. I cannot listen to your curved lips saying hideous things to me.”

- Oscar Wilde to Bosie Douglas, after one of their many quarrels

What we really need is an adaptation of the original 1740 The Beauty and the Beast

So were you aware that the The Beauty and the Beast story we all know is a heavily abridged and rewritten version of a much longer novella by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve?  And that a lot of the plot holes existing in the current versions exist because the 1756 rewrite cut out the second half of the novella, which consisted entirely of the elaborate backstory that explains all the weird shit that happened before?  And that the elaborate backstory is presented in a way that’s kind of boring because the novel had only just been invented in 1740 and no one knew how they worked yet, but contains a bazillion awesome ideas that beg for a modern retelling?  And that you are probably not aware that the modern world needs this story like air but the modern world absolutely needs this story like air?  Allow me to explain:

The totally awesome elaborate backstory that explains Beauty and the Beast

  • Once upon a time there was a king, a queen, and their only son
  • But while the prince was still in his infancy, in a neat reversal of how these fairy tales usually go, the king tragically died, leaving his wife to act as Regent until their son reaches maturity
  • Unfortunately, the rulers of all the lands surrounding them go, “Hmm, the kingdom is ruled by a woman now, it must be weak, time for an invasion!”
  • And the Queen goes, “Well, if I let some general fight all these battles for me, he’ll totally amass enough fame and power to make a bid for the throne; if I want to protect my son’s crown, I have no choice but to take up arms and lead the troops myself!
  • (Btw, I want to stress that this woman is not Eowyn or Boudica and nothing in the way her story is presented suggests that she had any interest martial exploits before or in any way came to enjoy them during these battles.  This is a perfectly ordinary court lady who would much rather be embroidering altar covers for the royal chapel and playing with her child until necessity made her go, “Oh no, this sucks, I guess I have to become a Warrior Queen now” and she just happened to kick ass at it anyway.)
  • And the Queen totally kicked ass, but the whole “twice as good for half the credit” thing meant that no matter how many battles she won, potential enemies refused to take her and her army seriously until she had defeated them so no sooner would she fend off one invasion than another one would pop up on a different border.
  • So she spent the majority of her young son’s life away from the castle leading armies, but it was OK because she left him in the care of her two best friends, who just happen to be fairies!  This was an awesome idea because a) fairies have magic, and therefore are like the best people to protect the prince from any threats and b) fairies consider themselves to be so above humanity that the lowest fairy outranks the highest mortal, so they’d have no interest in taking a human throne.  Good thing they were both good fairies instead of one good and one evil one!
  • (Spoiler:  they were not both good fairies.)
  • So the two fairies basically take turns raising the prince until he’s old enough to rule.  And on the eve of his twenty-first birthday, the evil older one comes into the prince’s bedroom.
  • “So listen, kid.  You’re about to become king, your mother’s on her way home from the war to see you crowned, and I have a third piece of good news for you!  You see, I’ve actually been spending so much time here lately because Fairyland’s become a bit too hot to hold me for reasons totally not related to me being secretly evil.  And if I have to hang in the human world, I might as well reside in the upper echelons of it, so even though as a powerful fairy I completely eclipse your puny human status in a staggeringly unimaginable way, since you’re about to be king and since my premonition that I should stick this whole guardianship thing out because you would be hot one day has totally proved accurate (go me), I will graciously lower myself to allowing you to marry me.  Please feel free to grovel at my feet in gratitude.  (Btw, we can totally start the wedding night now, we’ll tell your mother about it when she arrives tomorrow.)”

Keep reading

me: *wants to socialize, make friends, and stop isolating myself in general*

my brain: BITCH… NO ONE 👏 FUCKING 👏 LIKES YOU 👏 NO ONE WILL EVER LIKE YOU 👏 YOU DON’T DESERVE FRIENDSHIPS 👏 YOU HAVE NOTHING OF ANY WORTH TO CONTRIBUTE TO CONVERSATIONS 👏 YOU’RE A DISGUSTING 👏 HIDEOUS 👏 PIECE OF SHIT 👏 KEEP TO YOURSELF YOU PARASITIC GREMLIN 👋

me: ok nvm I guess

im a little late to the party but fuck rhaegar targaryen amirite

Go for the Head

so, I was thinking about how human bodies can survive a great deal of damage, right? 

probably all the guides on humans say things like “if you really need to kill one, go for the head. that’s the surest way to kill a human.” 

but do you realize that even that might just not be enough?

please, allow me to introduce Mr. Phineas Gage. 

Mr. Gage was a foreman working in the construction of railroads. He is most famous because he survived an hideous accident where a 3.2 cm thick, 1 meter long iron rod was driven into his brain by an explosion. 

Let me repeat: an iron pole rocketing through the organ that controls the whole body was not enough to kill him

Just in case you need another picture to get the idea of just how serious was the injury. 

of course such a severe injury could not leave him unscarred: his personality changed completely, and he had moments of delirium. 

but he survived. not only that, but he went on having a relatively normal life. his speech, movement and intelligence WERE NOT IMPAIRED BY THE INJURY. 

aliens have all the more reason to be scared shitless of us. 

8

“Bill. We love you, truly. So much. But nobody, and I say this with all the compassion and truth in my heart — nobody will ever publish this.
Professor Marston & the Wonder Women, dir. Angela Robinson (2017)

School-Related Sentence Starters

Everyday

  • “Did we have homework?”
  • “Please be my lab partner.”
  • “Can I borrow a pencil?”
  • “I really don’t want to talk in front of the whole class…”
  • “Can I copy off of you real quick?”
  • “Do you think the teacher is hot?”
  • “It’s not cheating. It’s just teamwork.”
  • “Do you think the new kid is hot?”
  • “Pretty sure the teacher is out to get me…”
  • “You are…so dumb…”
  • “Was Shakespeare gay?”
  • “Please tell me you didn’t start the project either.”
  • “If I do it at the last minute, then I’ll have a minute.”
  • “Can I borrow your notes?”
  • “This class is so boring…”
  • “Am I in the right classroom?”
  • “Someone drew a dick in my textbook.”
  • “Do you know where the nurse’s office is?”
  • “Someone put a picture of Shrek in my locker.”
  • “I can’t wait to graduate…”
  • “Meet me in the bathroom/gym/locker room later. I need to tell you something.”

Exams

  • “I forgot about the midterm.”
  • “I’m gonna FAIL.”
  • “Shut up! You always say you’re going to fail, and then you get an A.”
  • “Please help me study.”
  • “If I don’t pass, my parents are going to KILL me.”
  • “Do you ever think about how studying is just ‘student’ and ‘dying’ put together?”
  • “I live at the library now.”
  • “Do you need help with the chapter?”
  • “I don’t even know what I don’t know.”
  • “I’m afraid that they’ll revoke my scholarship.”
  • “I HAVE to be at the top of the class.”
  • “Do you even know how to read?”
  • “I don’t even get the Sparknotes…”
  • “Maybe I’ll be okay if I pick A for every answer…I have to get an A, right?”
  • “I don’t need to go to college anyway.”
  • “Sleep is for the weak.”
  • “I just did 200 practice problems. I forgot my own name.”
  • “I remember that shrimp can see more colors than we can, but I don’t remember the vocabulary words for the test.”
  • “Your notes are just doodles.”

Lunchtime

  • “What’s for lunch?”
  • “Please trade lunches with me.”
  • “I dare you to fling your peas at the principal.”
  • “There’s NO way I’m eating that.”
  • “All I have are skittles and an old Oreo.”
  • “I would kill for a taco right now.”
  • “Lunch is the only class I can do well in.”
  • “There’s pizza today.”
  • “Is that a bug in your sandwich?”
  • “Ugh, this is expired.”
  • “Is this seat taken?”
  • “I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet.”
  • “Did you make this?”
  • “If you give me a dollar, I’ll love you forever.”
  • “I made brownies.”
  • “Let’s eat outside today.”
  • “Do you think we could get pizza delivered to the school?”
  • “You’re in my seat.”
  • “These freshmen think that they can just take our table…”

Gym

  • “I can’t run for my life.”
  • “Don’t throw the ball at me!!”
  • “Why do you look so red?”
  • “I’m DYING.”
  • “It’s just sports! What could go wrong?”
  • “I can’t run anymore.”
  • “Your team is going DOWN.”
  • “Are you okay?!”
  • “You really suck at this, don’t you?”
  • “Think fast!”
  • “Is that the best you can do?”
  • “I dare you to race me.”
  • “I think the gym teacher is a supersoldier.”

Uniforms / Clothes

  • “I HATE these pants/skirts.”
  • “Do you think anyone would notice if I wore pajamas?”
  • “I haven’t washed my gym clothes in a week…”
  • “I should be allowed to wear whatever I want.”
  • “Can you believe they called my outfit ‘inappropriate’?!”
  • “I’m so sick of seeing (school color).”
  • “I wear this uniform in my dreams. I mean, in my nightmares.”
  • “Those are the most hideous shoes I’ve ever seen.”
  • “Do you think her/his girl/boyfriend got her that?”
  • “Did your boy/girlfriend really buy you that?”
  • “Class rings are overrated.”
  • “We should totally get matching hoodies.”
  • “What show/movie is your shirt from?”
  • “I can see your underwear.”

Detention

  • “Wanna skip?”
  • “I can’t believe I’m in here.”
  • “Welcome, prince(ss)! Is this your first time?”
  • “That teacher DESERVED to be cursed out, okay?”
  • “I didn’t even do anything wrong…”
  • “Fuck the police.”
  • “They put me in here just for being late…”
  • “Did you actually bash the principal’s car?”
  • “A little thing like you managed to beat the crap out of someone?”
  • “You look like you don’t belong in here.”
  • “This is prison.”
  • “I tried to stab a kid with a pencil.”
  • “They think I’ll learn my lesson in here? I’m going to do it again.”
  • “All I did was a little graffiti.”
  • “I’m taking a nap.”

Inkstand with A Madman Distilling His Brains

Italian, probably Urbino, ca. 1600
Tin-glazed earthenware
The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC

In this whimsical maiolica sculpture, a well-dressed man leans forward in his seat with his head in a covered pot set above a fiery hearth.  The vessel beside the hearth almost certainly held ink.  The man’s actions are explained by an inscription on the chair: “I distill my brain and am totally happy.”  Thus the task of the writer is equated with distillation— the process through which a liquid is purified by heating and cooling, extracting its essence.

Scarring
  • Harry: Take off your shirt.
  • Draco: I... no. I don't want to.
  • Harry: Why- Oh. Is it... do you still have scars? Draco, I've never forgiven myself for that.
  • Draco: Scars! Yes, I have terrible scars. I simply can't stand for you to see.
  • Harry: I'm so sorry, Draco. But now that we're together, you'll have to show me sometime.
  • Draco: N-No! You can't see! It's really hideous, awful-
  • Harry: Oh God, I thought it wouldn't scar! You have to show me so I can atone for what I've done. I'll never forgive myself if you have to hide for the rest of your life.
  • Draco: I- oh... alright then. *slowly unbuttons and takes off his shirt, looking away from Harry*
  • Harry: *staring* Draco, this is...
  • Draco: Yes, the scarring was truly terrible.
  • Harry: This is... a tattoo of our names together over your heart.
  • Draco: Hideous scarring. I'll never forgive you.
What is Target even?

• Every time I go in a Target, I become invisible. People can’t hear me talking to them even when I’m standing right in front of them. Waving in their faces doesn’t seem to work.

• I once walked up to an entire group of red-vest-wearing employees and had all five of them walk away from me mid-question.

•They seem to migrate from the toy section to the food section like soulless jellyfish.

• They don’t know if Target sells dish soap.

• I don’t know if Target sells dish soap.

• Once, a person walked over, picked up a fuzzy throw-blanket out of my cart, and left with it while I stood there telling them that it was mine.

• The always weirdly crowded shoe section that’s mostly sandals.

• Last month I stopped in the mini Starbucks area of Target and stepped up to a surprisingly empty counter (for the middle of the day). No one appeared for the entire twenty minutes that I waited, but the lights went off and on a few times.

• I once saw a man entering Target with a screaming child over his shoulder. She had an ‘Out of Order’ sign in her hand, and kept repeating, ’I don’t want to go here.

• Their clothing sizes are darkest black magic.

• The changing rooms. (Before they vanished.)

• I lost four people in the middle of the furniture isle. I found them a half hour later in Hot Topic.

• I once stopped at a Target for a bathroom break during a long road-trip. When I entered the store, half the lights were off in the back section, and someone was yelling, “STOP IT, YOU GIANT BITCH!”

• There’s always a questionable swamp in the corner of the Target bathroom.

• When they switch all the moving/talking Halloween items over to the moving/talking Christmas items.

• I’ve seen eight different dogs wandering around by themselves.

• The local Target has birds flying around inside all the time.

• When I was a teenager there was this guy who drove around the Target parking lot blasting the chicken dance and dancing with his shoulders.

• I’ve seen a thousand mirrors break in Target during ‘move into your dorm room’ season. Doubt anybody buried a potato.

• They owe me $20

• I keep finding children in the clothing racks. (I don’t keep them.)

• You can never return anything, ever.

• If you eat their food you probably will never be able to return to the human world.

• Every picture I take in there comes out weird. Blurry, too bright, smudgy, wavy, too dark, weirdly green???

• That last checkout lane at the end with all the ‘as seen on Tv’ items and a million creepy jugs of green liquid for kids.

• I have 14 year-old socks from Target that look brand new. (My clothes typically develop holes the moment I look at them.)

• The animal heads.

• Pit of Death (aka: the far back corner where seasonal stuff goes to die.)

• I once kicked one of the giant red orbs outside and it moved.

• I watched a guy causally glide out of the loading doors and into the parking lot on a huge dolly.

• The ‘Is This Actually Only A Dollar Or Is It Five?’ section.

• I spent a half hour listening to a guy tell me why I needed an IPhone or I can’t be a part of human society. This was before the first iPhone was even for sale in the store.

• It’s bigger on the inside.

• I found this hideous lump of a fur hat for sale last winter, and wore it around the store my entire time there. Still invisible.

anonymous asked:

Concept- Victor gets a concussion from a skating accident and is more than a little loopy on pain meds at the hospital. He switches between dozing off, crying over his messed up face, and staring at Yuuri like he's an angel sent from heaven. "Who are you?" "I'm your fiance Victor, remember?" "No you're not! You're too pretty to be engaged to a hideous beast like me!... So so pretty. Like a little angel here to take me to heaven." *starts crying* You can bet Yuuri recorded all of it for blackmail

LMAO 

4

We had so much fun in our Sock and Jon Prom outfits! We missed the Sakura-Con ball because we were taking photos but it was worth it! (dunno if they would have even let me in with my hideous 2002 disney channel red carpet outfit)

I love these boys to death and I’m so happy to be able to cosplay them with my best friends in the world. 

When the cuteness of Jongho makes me want to scream

Breaking the Rules - part 1

Bucky Barnes x Reader

SummaryModern!AU You hate James Barnes with a burning passion and the feeling is entirely mutual. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you are tricked into attending his sister’s wedding as his girlfriend. Stuck with a bunch of strangers, you come up with a set of rules that are not going to last long.

Word Count:1,957

Warnings: Hate to Love, Fake Dating, Snarky Remarks, Language

A/N: Okay, just a warning, there will be a lot of OCs in this series (mostly Bucky’s sisters and parents) Hope you like the first chapter :)

Breaking the Rules - Masterpage

Originally posted by winter-barnes

You loved Natasha’s apartment. It was spacious and bright and she had a great view of the city. There was just one teeny-tiny itsy-bitsy problem… you hated her neighbour.

James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.

Natasha introduced you to Bucky a little over a year ago. Her fiancé, Clint, adored him and Bucky always stopped by their apartment. The boys would stay in the living room and watch TV while you and Natasha gossiped and drank wine in the kitchen.

Keep reading

Okay but you know what doesn’t sit well with me? The fact that Gansey doesn’t actually receive a lot of validation from his friends?? They all think about how amazing he is, how admirable, how unique, etc (I’m looking at Ronan and Adam POV’s, cause whoo boy), but how often do they actually tell him this?? 

I mean, Gansey didn’t actually understand how much his friends loved him until they followed him into the cave/tunnel in trk!! And he didn’t even think they would come in the first place!! I’ll admit, maybe it’s because it’s been a couple of months since I read the books and fanon is influencing my interpretation, but while someone will think something nice about Gansey, all they’ll say out loud is, “Your shoes are hideous” or “You’re such a buzzkill” or “Why do you talk like that?” Like, he doesn’t actually receive a lot of nice comments from Ronan or Adam??

please just compliment my boy Gansey and tell him that you love him

I love love love this shot of my Hera taken at SWCO by @FuryZhil on twitter.

This was right as Celebration was shutting down on the last day and we were slowly inching our towards the exit