this is shitty i know but hey

I can’t stop giggling at the idea of Rey racing up to Kylo with all these really shitty pick up lines, and Kylo either taking them all literally or looking at Rey with such fucking contempt.

Rey: Hey Kylo! Is your dad a baker? Because you’ve got some nice, hot bu-

Kylo: I killed my father Rey. He was a smuggler. You know this. Why would you bring this up?

So lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of things making fun of cashiers or other people being unable to do mental math, and I just wanna say, to everyone who mocks those people, or who thinks they’re stupid, or who “worry for their generation” when someone can’t mentally work out, say, how much change you get if you give them $10 when your order was like $7.38?


FUCK YOU. No, really. Fuck you.


Those cashiers aren’t “stupid”, they aren’t “being lazy”, they aren’t uneducated. Guess what? SOME PEOPLE CANNOT DO MENTAL MATH. At all. Their brains just cannot process it and so if you break their concentration or give them something beyond the very basic 10s or what not? They naturally are going to get confused.


I had a mental test today which tested me with mental math. Counting down from 100, we subtracted 7 each time. You know how far I got before I completely lost track and got confused? 93. That’s right, just the second time I didn’t know what to do. Because hey, guess what, I can’t do mental math. My brain isn’t wired that way.


So if you mock someone for not knowing how to count anything in their heads, regardless of what it is? You’re a terrible, shitty person.

pros of season 3:

• allura’s new bayard

• GALRA GENERAL GANG!!!!!

• lotor’s actually a good villain holy fuck VREPIT SA INDEED FUCK ME UP 

CANON SNIPER LANCE????

• “hey man” not once but twice

soft klance smiles

• alfor looks fuckin great ur killin it my man 

CANON SNIPER LANCE 


cons of season 3:

• black straight up dropped shiro tf is up with that 

• shiro just.. shiro looks ugly as fuck i cannot deal 

• slav made it too 

check please characters as john mulaney quotes
  • bitty: it’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them
  • jack: in terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin
  • shitty: eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs
  • lardo: i have had a very long day. i am very small and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under
  • ransom: holster and i have a new house. it was built in the '20s, but it was flipped in 2014. which means it's haunted, but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash
  • holster: nothing that i know can help you with your car ever. unless you’re like, “hey, i’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about 30 rock”?
  • chowder: it's fun to be married. i’ve never been supervised before. i’m supervised. farmer studies what i do, like an anthropologist. she'll be like, “sometimes, he will watch a movie on tv even though he already owns that movie on dvd. pointing this out confuses and upsets him"
  • nursey: the bad guy would hold the joint in a villainous way. they'd always offer the joint in a way that no one ever holds a joint. like it's a skull in a shakespeare play
  • dex: i’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, i’ll die
  • tango: ah... numbers, the letters of math
  • whiskey: sometimes babies will point at me, and i don’t care for that shit at all
It Can’t Be Me

Here is a drarry one-shot I wrote today, at 2a.m because I felt like it so I asked @theperksofbeingatotalnerd for any prompt and she, amazing friend as she is, gave me exactly the one I don’t know how to write. Also, yes, I also write shitty things sometimes, I don’t just read even though probably I should xD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Draco was still trying to understand how he had ended up agreeing to play Truth or Dare. Especially one majorly composed by gryffindors. 

He blamed it on the two firewhisky shots. Or maybe it was just that Harry bloody Potter had looked at him like he was expecting him to refuse. Yeah, that’s probably it. He couldn’t really back down from the challenge, could he? Besides, it had nothing to do with the fact that the prat was suddenly not-that-painful-to-look-at. 

Anyway, the reason wasn’t really important. What mattered was how he was now stuck seeing Lee Jordan and Ginny Weasley making out like a new Dark Lord was going to vanquish the earth tomorrow. They didn’t really need to worry, though. The git who killed the last one was still alive and Draco figured that killing one more wouldn’t be that much of a deal. 

Thankfully, the Weasley girl finally stepped away from the dark-skin boy and promptly sat in her spot again. The group held their breath, waiting for the one who would have to endure Ginny Weasley’s revenge. Draco just rolled his eyes.

“Harry” she spoke.

Draco rolled his eyes again, almost going blind.

The golden boy had been awfully quiet through the game. He only answered one truth question (and now everybody knew he did have boxers with little snitches flying around) and gave Luna Lovegood a quick peck on the cheek, as a result of a dare. The blonde believed people were going soft on him, afraid he would unleash his I-killed-Voldemort power on them. He wished someone would turn this game more exciting. Like, ask Potter to take his shirt off or something. Not that Draco wanted a look at his ripped abs. Or dreamt about them. 

“Truth or Dare?” the red-head continued. 

The boy seemed to shake himself out of some internal reverie and stared at the girl, almost evaluating his situation. Ginevra wasn’t known for making it easy. He ran a hand through his hair, messing the black locks even more and bit his lip, thinking. What Draco wouldn’t give to bi-

“Dare” he answered, looking at Ginny unfazed, almost like a challenge. All his body spoke Do your worst. There was just something about Potter when he got like this, like there’s nothing in the world he wouldn’t face, nothing he wouldn’t do to catch the snitch. It gave Draco a hot chill down his spine.

Ginny smiled like the cat who caught the bird. Harry didn’t even blink.

“I dare you to sit right next to the person you like. And don’t come saying you like all of us. I mean your crush.”

At that, the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice lost some of the colour on his face. He gaped at the girl, as if trying to understand if it was real. The people around him had different reactions. Granger looked unsurprised, the Weasel was practically snoring in her shoulder, any attention to the game gone, Luna cooed lightly at his right, Longbottom was almost as astonished as Potter and the rest of the group (including Pansy and Blaise) just looked eager at the prospect of having a clue on the person who stole the Saviour’s heart.

“You can’t be serious.” Potter finally said.

“Oh, don’t make such a scene. I was nice. We’re in a circle, so you can choose which side next to him to sit and no one will know which one of them is it.”

Did she said ‘him’?!

Potter sighed and scratched his face, mumbling something that sounded a lot like “I don’t even know why I still play this”. Every eye was locked on him as the boy got up, eyes cast down, and started to make his way to the other side of the circle. The side Draco was on. It was with a mist of mortification and admiration that the Slytherin watched as the black haired boy took a few more sheepish steps and promptly sat next to Dean Thomas and him.Everything suddenly seemed to vanish from his view. It couldn’t be, could it? It had to be Thomas, it only made sense. They knew each other for years, had shared a dormitory, both gryffindors… there was no chance… no way that… it couldn’t be Draco. However, his mind didn’t really want to follow the logic and it concentrated, instead, in the last few months. How Harry always made sure Draco wasn’t forgotten by the other eight years, the late night talks when neither of them was able to sleep in the complete darkness of their shared dormitory, the few study sessions they shared at the library, how he sat next to him in Christmas once he realized he was alone, when he visited him at the infirmary after a nasty fall on a Quidditch game (even though Draco still caught the snitch)…. 

And he knew. He knew for long that he had fallen in love with the specky git, even against his better judgment, even knowing he never stood a chance. He knew how he had disguised it, even to himself, with snarky remarks and cold sarcasm. He also knew how he failed it, numerous times, with a small smile that shaped his lips whenever Harry said something funny, with the light laugh he was unable to contain when he did something idiotic, with the lingering looks and the dreams that-

“Draco?” Came a sound next to him. His reverie hadn’t gone unnoticed and the group was staring at him expectantly. 

Wait, what? Draco?!

“Hm, yes?” he managed, weakly.

“Truth or Dare?” Potter asked, staring at him, intently, heavily.

He almost lost himself again in the bright green.

“Truth” he choose, a bit more composed.

Harry took a few seconds, searching for something in Draco’s grey iris, finally speaking once it seemed he found what he was looking for.

“Is the person you love in this room?”

It was an easy question, he knew. It could be one of at least twenty people. And still, he didn’t care about any of the other nineteen, focusing only in the boy at his left, all tousled hair and red lips.

“Yes.” He breathed.

Harry then turned and looked straight ahead, not even sparing one more glance at him. He could feel the other people looking at them, at him, waiting for his turn. But all he could do was feel the tension between him and Harry, not like the hate they shared years ago instead pulling him to the other boy. That’s when he noticed how the Gryffindor was still slightly leaning to him, shoulders almost touching. How the pink tip of Harry’s tongue darted out to damp the soft lips. How even trying to look straight ahead, the green eyes still flicked at him.

“Harry,” he heard himself saying “Truth or Dare?”

It only took the boy a second to decide, turning once more to stare at him directly.

“Dare” 

“Kiss me”

And Harry did. 

And now there’s was no denying, because Harry might always have been a ‘do first, think later’, but nothing, nothing, he ever did had this passion, not even flying. There was nothing that could have prepared him for this. It was Draco’s every daydream and more. Wet, full lips were against his and he could swear nothing had ever felt so good. He cupped Harry’s face with his hand and changed the angle, allowing the other boy to deepen the kiss, tongues swirling and mingling so no one could tell which one belonged to who. Their breaths were coming short and heavy and they didn’t care. All they wanted was the other. Eventually (even after several catcalls and whistles) they separated, Harry giving him a sweet peck to complete it and a loving smile.

Draco, however, still had to make sure. “So, it was me?”

“It was always you.”

Draco took his hand, tugged him to their dormitory and, not sparing a second glance at the rest of the group, said “We’ll be back in a few minutes.”

They weren’t.

I was rereading the comic right before Jack and Shitty’s last game and Shitty says that if they win he gets a lifetime supply of Jack Zimmermann hugs. Well, obviously they lost. But, I was thinking about everything and… here you go.


Tater leaves the Christmas celebration after a slice of pie, bowing out by saying he needs to Skype with his mother. It gives the apartment the odd, after-Christmas feeling where nothing feels quite real. 

But it’s nice, just Jack and Bitty and Shitty in the kitchen, similar to how it was in the Haus. 

“Bits,” Jack says, exasperated. “You just cooked an entire Christmas dinner. By yourself. No, don’t say I helped, we all know a kindergartner could have helped just as much. Let me and Shitty do the dishes.”

Bitty sighs but relents, retreating to the living room. 

“You two are so good for each other it hurts,” Shitty says, shaking his head. “Honestly. Hosting Christmas dinner together. Bitty here for the holidays.”

“It’s great,” Jack says, barely catching a lovesick sigh before it escapes. “I’ve never… I don’t even know how to put it. But I’ve never. Any of this.”

“The great Jack Zimmermann, finally spilling deets,” Shitty says, elbowing him playfully where he’s drying dishes. “’I’ve never any of this’. Such detail. Such poetry.”

“Oh, shut up,” Jack gets out around a laugh. “Because you’re so generous with information about you and Lardo.”

“Look at us, all grown up and in secret, clandestine relationships. We’ve grown up so fast,” Shitty says, wiping away a fake tear. 

“Oh - that reminds me. I have something for you.” Jack wipes his soapy hands off and heads for the hall closet. 

“Hey! I thought -”

“It’s really small. Not a big thing.”

“This is coming from the person who bought his teammate an oven just because -”

“No, this is actually a small thing. It probably cost a dollar. Rounding up. And it can be for your birthday if you don’t want it to be a Christmas present.” Jack reenters the room with a tiny gift bag, which Shitty takes. 

“You’re ridiculous, Jack, I don’t know why - holy shit.” Shitty stops midsentence when he opens the gift. 

“Ah, I don’t know if you remember? But our last game -”

“I said that if we won I get a lifetime of Zimmermann hugs.” Shitty stares at the homemade, printed certificate. 

“Right, but we lost. But I know I haven’t been a great friend these past couple of months -” Shitty snorts. “- but you’re not any less important to me now. So. Yeah.”

“So you just gave me an infinite supply of hugs. In writing.” 

“We can get it notarized if you want.”

We can get it note - Good God, Zimmermann, how does Bitty put up with you?” Shitty says it in an exasperated tone, but his voice gets thick and he has to wipe his eyes a little. 

“You’ll have to ask him, because hell if I know.”

“I’m cashing in on one of these,” Shitty says, waving the certificate a little. “Right now.”

So I finally went through omgeverythingplease and here are things that I didn’t know
  • Bitty is OBSESSED with food. OBSESSED.
  • Boy has a *problem*
  • Like I know we like to headcanon that Bitty goes into some sort of media, but he’s more likely to become a food critic. Basically he’s more into the “baking” part of “baking vlog” than the “vlog” part.
  • Holster is a grumpy messy bitch.
  • For real, the team seriously debated who was grumpier: Jack or Holster
  • (for like, a hot second, before the answer became obvious)
  • (It’s Jack. Jack is the grumpiest)
  • Ransom and Bitty are very close friends. Close enough that Bitty chirps Holster that he’s being replaced via tweet.
  • Ransom and Bitty get PSLs from “ ‘Bucks”.
  • That is a quote. Eric Richard Bittle has called Starbucks, ‘Bucks.
  • (I bet he calls Target, Tar-zhay too)
  • This one was a bit more analytical: we found out about Jack coaching peewee via Bitty’s twitter
  • Bitty is the one who tells us that the Jack says the kids call him “Coach Z”
  • Because Bitty is the one who typed out the tweet, if the kids called Jack “Coach Zed”, he would have spelled out “Zed.”
  • Therefore we can assume that the kids called Jack “Coach Zee” and not “Coach Zed”
  • However this revelation by Jack was immediately followed by a debate over Zee vs. Zed. So who really knows?
  • I still don’t know how either of them pronounces “pecan”
  • More after the cut because this is getting long

Keep reading

4

So… I took a bit of an ‘unannounced vacation’ for a few weeks while I tried to regain my sanity but everything’s cool now and I’m going to get back to drawing responses.

Problems with the Witchblr Community

There are some serious fucking problems occurring on this website, like:

  1. Peoples’ grimoires are way too artistic. Like seriously you all need to tag that shit like “hey this may trigger you because this Van Gogh beautifully-crafted art style might blind you and gush your morality with its beauty and cause your perspective of your own grimoire/BOS to wilt like a flower on fire”. I don’t take the time to even update my BOS, never mind decorate it with these gorgeous illustrations.
  2. The quality of pictures are way too high. I don’t know where people are getting all these professional cameras. Like I take pictures with my phone or shitty Samsung and post them, and I know I wouldn’t even reblog that shit, the quality is way too low. This results in a standard of high quality Instagram-worthy pictures that is too high for me to keep up with, y’all need to lower your photography skills.
  3. Peoples’ altars are too perfectly positioned in the sunlight, like bathing in the holiness of the sun or moon and washing any of vestige of mortality away from that spot. This kinda weaves into the photography complaint but basically, y’all stop being so artsy.
  4. Digital sigils are too easily and perfectly displayed. I don’t know how people make those sigils, it’s like an elusive angelic society that just sprinkles down talent and useful spells like falling stars. Seriously y’all need to post a how-to on that shit because I don’t have a tablet and just take pictures of hand-drawn sigils, but even those who post their hand-drawn sigils draw them incredibly better than I draw my sigils. 
  5. The witches on this site are way too creative. They’re all thinking of tips and techniques I never thought of before, and it makes everyone else feel dumb because they didn’t think of them first.
  6. Pretty much every witch on this site seems to have a green thumb. They say taking care of plants doesn’t require a green thumb, but I beg to differ because pretty much every plant I own dies. Like I don’t know if it’s because I’m a death witch and am literally radiating death energy, but I can’t keep plants alive for my own life. Green witches gotta share their real secrets, HOW are you keeping your plants alive.
  7. Then there are some problems like elitism, transphobia, homophobia, racism, nazism, blatant disrespect for peoples’ religions and cultures, the hatred with which we argue, and the fear that I’m always being scrutinized and that no matter what I say extreme SJWs will cherry-pick the things I say and misconstrue my argument into something i never said in the first place so i might as well just not even say my opinion on anything which i’m doing right now so i’ll just shut up and continue the joke
  8. The spooky and ethereal Witch Aesthetic™ is too on point. All the hanging herbs and lit candles and smoke from incense are too entrancing and immediately calm my mood and cause me to daydream about the eloquence of the witchy aesthetic. It’s too romanticized. It causes me to enjoy my own craft too much, and I reblog too many of them. We need to cut those down by a bunch.

Just had to get that off my chest.

hey, guess what! mark’s thrown us for a loop! again! :,D

today we got another security camera picture, more letters - and another video. said video confirms what we were all thinking after yesterday; it is indeed a torn up picture lying on the ground, with the eyes of the people in it scribbled out.

now i don’t know about you guys, but to me, this looks like a chef and a waiter. and think about it: we’ve already seen both of them before; tyler and ethan were dressed as waiters in a date with markiplier:

…and we also had a chef. who is all confirmed to be a part of the next project, going by this picture:

…does this mean we’re actually getting something similar - if not a sequel - to a date with markiplier??

Ever Since New York

Originally posted by riverdaleselite

Check the Ever Since New York Masterlist for series updates!

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: After his junior year, Jughead goes to New York for a writing internship.  

Warnings: some swearing, you might cry

Word count: 4,574

A/N: umm first of all thank you for 7000 followers?? holy crap. anywho wowowow this is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written. It’s based off of the song “Ever Since New York” from Harry Styles’s album (which I love btw).  This is probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written tbh. Hope you all enjoy!


Tell me something, tell me something
You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do

After years of saving the money he earned at the Twilight Drive-In and other odd jobs, Jughead finally had enough to buy a plane ticket to New York.  He had discovered a writing internship there that he knew he had to do. It didn’t take much effort to convince his dad to allow him to go; in fact, FP even offered to pitch in some money. Jughead refused, claiming that he wanted to do this all on his own.  He wanted to deserve this internship as much as possible.

He started talking to Veronica frequently, asking her about her time in New York.  She, of course, gladly answered all of Jughead’s questions.  She was glad to finally bond with her boyfriend’s best friend.  

Jughead also pestered Betty with questions, seeing as she had done an internship similar to his two summers ago.  It was a bit awkward at first, since the two of them used to date.  However, they both got over their awkwardness for the sake of preparing Jughead for his internship.

“It’s really amazing,” Betty told him.  “It’s a great experience, and you’ll learn so much.”

“What are other people like?” Jughead inquired.  “Are they pricks?”

“Sometimes,” Betty laughed. “It depends.  Do you know how many other people are participating in the internship?”

“Just one,” he answered, shrugging.  “I don’t know who it is though.”

“Well, if they’re a jerk then that’s gonna suck,” she offered.  “But if they’re nice, they may become one of the closest friends you’ll ever have.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Betty replied and nodded.  “You’re gonna spend all summer with this other person.  They’re either gonna drive you up the wall or become your new best friend.”

I need something, tell me something new
Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote
For this curse, oh, what’s it waiting for?
Must this hurt you just before you go?

“Have fun in New York, Jug.” FP patted his son on the back as they stood at the airport gate.  Betty, Veronica, Archie, Fred Andrews, and Kevin stood behind FP, all wearing supportive smiles.  Jughead glanced around at the group who followed him to the airport, filled with admiration of his friends and family.

“Thank you guys,” he said, fighting back a giant grin.  “You didn’t all have to come, though.”

“Of course we did,” Fred Andrews argued.  “We’re not gonna see you all summer, Jughead.  We have to give you a proper send-off.”

“Well, proper send-off achieved,” Jughead laughed.  He watched as others in the line began to move.  “I guess I should go now.  Thanks for this.  See you all in August.”  As he turned on his heel and walked away, the group of six gleefully waved at Jughead’s retreating figure.

“You aren’t worried about Jughead all alone in a giant city?” Fred asked FP as they exited the airport.

“Nah,” FP responded, waving his hand.  “He’s a smart kid, he’ll find his way.”

Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know

“Hi, I’m Jughead Jones,” he introduced himself at the front desk.  “I’m here for the writing internship.”

The lady sitting behind the desk glanced up at Jughead.  “Ah, yes! We’ve been expecting you, Mr. Jones!” she exclaimed, standing from her chair.

“Oh, am I late?” Jughead inquired.  

The lady shook her head. “Oh no, not at all.  Your counterpart just got here early, so we’ve been waiting for you to start.”

“My counterpart?”

“Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” she gestured to a girl sitting on a chair against the wall, flipping through a magazine.  The girl perked up when she heard her name, and saw Jughead and the receptionist staring at her.

“Is this him?” (Y/N) questioned, standing up and setting the magazine down.  Jughead noticed it was a TIME magazine.  

“Yes,” the receptionist answered.  “(Y/N), this is Jughead Jones.”  Jughead stuck his hand out to shake, and (Y/N) firmly shook his hand.

“I hope you’re not an asshole,” she blatantly said as they released hands, “because we’re gonna be stuck with each other all summer.”

“I was thinking the same thing about you,” he quipped.  

(Y/N) raised her eyebrow in interest.  “Quick-witted,” she noted with a smirk forming on her face.  “I like it.”

“You better,” Jughead fired back, biting back a grin.  “Like you said, we’ll be around each other all summer.”

“If we were together any longer, I’d worry about you falling in love with me,” she jokingly warned. “So be careful.”

Brooklyn saw me, empty at the news
There’s no water inside this swimming pool

“When’d you get here?” (Y/N) asked as she and Jughead exited the building, their first day of the internship finished.

“Two days ago,” Jughead answered with his hands in his pockets.  “What about you?”

“Last week.”  Her pace was quick, and she seemed determined to get somewhere.  “Are you hungry?  Because I’m starving.”

“I would love some food,” Jughead almost moaned at the thought of food.  He was only able to scarf down a small lunch in the midst of the business.

“I know this great burger place,” (Y/N) explained as she led the way to the restaurant.  “It’ll make every other burger you’ve ever eaten seem like a pile of shit on a bun.”

“I doubt that,” Jughead scoffed.  “There’s a diner where I’m from that makes the best burgers you’ll ever eat.”

“Where are you from?”

“Riverdale,” he said. “Pop’s diner, that’s what it’s called. If you ever find yourself in Riverdale, stop by Pop’s.  Trust me, you’ll thank me.”

“Well we’re not in Riverdale right now, Jughead Jones,” (Y/N) reminded him.  “So you should thank your lucky stars that I am your counterpart, because I’ve been here for the past week. You know what I’ve been doing for that week?  Exploring, Jones.  I have tried and evaluated twenty-one restaurants, and I know where to go for whatever you’re craving.”

“What if I’m craving Korean food?” he quizzed.

“32nd street, there’s a great Korean grill,” she immediately responded.

“Ethiopian?”

“There’s a quaint little place on 135th street.”

“What if I want to get wasted?” Jughead smirked.

“There’s a club a couple of blocks away with shitty security,” (Y/N) answered with a smirk equally as wide.  “Or maybe I was just an exception, seeing as how attractive I am.”

“I think you overestimate yourself,” he scoffed, playfully rolling his eyes.  

(Y/N) lightly slapped him on the arm.  “I do not!” she retaliated.  

“Whatever, keep lying to yourself.”  Jughead quickened his pace, leaving (Y/N) behind him.

“Hey!” she called out, rushing to catch up to him.  “You better not leave me!  You don’t even know where you’re going.”

“You’re still here,” he noted, casually wrapping his arm around her shoulders.  “Lead the way, (Y/N).”

Almost over, had enough from you
And I’ve been praying, I never did before

“God, this food sucks,” (Y/N) whispered, gesturing towards the plates of Japanese food sitting in front of her and Jughead.  “That place we ate at last week was so much better.”

“True,” Jughead agreed with a mouthful of food.  “But this place is cheaper.”

“Rightfully so!” she exclaimed, jabbing at her tofu with a chopstick.  Jughead silently laughed and shook his head, continuing to eat his fried rice.  He watched as (Y/N) picked at her dish, examining each aspect of the meal.  

It had been three weeks since their internship had begun, and Jughead and (Y/N) quickly became close friends.  They bonded over the overwhelming amount of work at their internship and their food-discovering adventures.  Jughead didn’t know how he would’ve survived an entire summer in New York without (Y/N) by his side.  They even stayed at the same hotel, so during a sleepless night, one would wake the other and stay up all night talking.  On those nights, they would drink hot chocolate.

“I’ve got the check tonight, Jug,” (Y/N) said, snapping Jughead out of his thoughts as she took the bill from the waitress.  Jughead furiously shook his head.

“No, (Y/N), you got dinner yesterday,” he protested, reaching out towards the bill.  “I’ll cover it tonight.”

“You got lunch!” she exasperatedly exclaimed.  “I can handle it.  Dinner wasn’t even expensive last night or tonight.”  

Jughead huffed as the waitress returned and took (Y/N)’s money.  “Fine,” he pouted, “but we’re gonna go out for desert, and I’m paying for it.”

“Fine.”

“Ice cream?” Jughead offered, standing from his chair.  (Y/N) followed suit, and they exited the diner.  She slowly grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers.

“I’m feeling frozen yogurt tonight,” she countered his offer, grinning up at him.

“What’s the difference?” Jughead playfully scoffed, trying not to blush at their hand-holding.  They had started doing it last week after he almost lost (Y/N) in a giant mass of people.

“I swear to God, Jug, you said the same thing last week, and I explicitly explained it to you.”  (Y/N) rolled her eyes.  “Ice cream is-”

“Made with cream, whereas frozen yogurt is a yogurt-based treat,” Jughead quoted what (Y/N) had told him last week.

“I knew you paid attention to me.”

Understand I’m talking to the walls
I’ve been praying ever since New York

In the middle of the night, the phone started ringing.  Jughead, still half-asleep, answered it with his eyes remaining shut.  

“You can come over,” he said, not waiting for the caller to initiate the conversation.

“Okay,” (Y/N)’s quiet voice responded, and she hung up.  A few moments later, a soft knock resonated through Jughead’s hotel room.  He rolled off of his bed, throwing on a t-shirt, and opened the door.  (Y/N) stood in the doorway, slightly shaking.  

“You cold?” Jughead murmured.  (Y/N) wordlessly nodded.  He gently grabbed her arm and led her inside, shutting the door behind them.  He stripped the blanket off from his bed and draped it over her shoulders, wrapping (Y/N) in the soft white material.  (Y/N) smiled up at him.

“Why do you put up with me?” she asked, sitting on his bed.  Jughead mimicked her actions and sat next to her.

“What do you mean?” he questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

“How are you not sick of me?” she elaborated.  “I mean, we’ve been constantly hanging out for, what, a month and a half now?  You know if I’m annoying you, you can just tell me. I’ll back off.”

“Why would you annoy me?” he asked, slowly wrapping his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap. “You’re the best part about this internship.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“I’m not,” Jughead lightly laughed, slightly nudging her.  “I’m serious, (Y/N).  Before I came, I was asking my friend Betty about internships.  She did one two years ago, so she knew what she was talking about. She told me that the people I’ll meet during this internship will either drive me up the wall or become one of my closest friends.”

“So I haven’t driven you up the wall?” (Y/N) inquired with a tentative smile.

“Of course not,” Jughead laughed loudly this time.  A moment of silence ensued, both (Y/N) and Jughead overwhelmed by sleepiness.

“Is Betty your girlfriend?” (Y/N) broke the silence, staring up at Jughead.

“No,” he muttered, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.  “She was,” he admitted, “but not anymore.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing bad,” he shrugged. “Sometimes things just don’t work out, you know?”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) muttered. “I had a boyfriend.”

“Really?  That’s shocking.”

“Shut up!” she whined, elbowing him.  “Yes, I had a boyfriend.  He was actually a total dickhead.”

“How?” Jughead asked, growing concerned.  

(Y/N) looked up at him and giggled.  “Oh, you’re worried,” she cooed, placing a hand on his chin.  Jughead swatted it away.

“Sue me,” he retorted, but then grew serious.  “But really, what happened?”

“Nothing bad,” she replied, facing away from Jughead.  “We were dating for a while, and… I don’t know.  He never really supported me in anything.  He wasn’t nice to any of my friends, and I didn’t notice for so long because I was so fucking smitten.  Eventually it hit me one day, and I realized that he was horrible.  So, naturally, I dumped him.”

“As one does,” Jughead nodded, nonchalantly tracing patterns on (Y/N)’s right arm with his thumb.  

(Y/N) slumped and sighed. “What time is it?”

Jughead glanced at the clock with its blaring, bright red numbers.  “Three o’clock.”

“Jesus,” she muttered, rubbing her eyes.  “I should… I should get back to my room.”  She jumped off the bed and trekked towards the door, her bare feet dragging on the carpet.

“Wait,” Jughead commanded, grabbing her arm.  “Don’t go, it’s too late.”

“You say that as if I have to walk across New York City,” (Y/N) joked.  “It’s fine, Jug, my room is down the hall.  I’m not gonna get mugged.”

“No, but you may fall over before you reach your room,” he countered with a lighthearted smirk. “Just stay here tonight, okay?” (Y/N), too tired to argue, needed no more convincing as she turned around and climbed into Jughead’s bed. He laid down, patting the space next to him.  (Y/N) tentatively settled next to him, slowly resting her head on the neighboring pillow. “You can get closer than that, you know,” he told her, amused by her unusually timid nature.  She hesitantly scooted closer to him, until she was near enough for Jughead to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her against his chest.  “That’s better,” he whispered into her hair.  She draped one arm around his torso, the other arm tucked under their now-shared pillow.

“Night, Jug,” she murmured, eyes already closed.  He smiled at her.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).”

Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know

“Oh, Jughead, how is it?” Betty eagerly asked, her face displayed on his laptop screen.  

“It’s been great,” Jughead answered.  

“What restaurants have you tried?” Veronica questioned from her spot next to Betty.

“A bunch,” he vaguely replied.  “(Y/N) is attempting to try every restaurant in New York City.  I think it’s impossible, but she’s determined.”

“Who is (Y/N)?” Archie inquired, popping his head into the camera’s view.  

Jughead laughed, “Where do I begin?  She’s my ‘counterpart’ for the internship.  We’ve become very close.”

“I told you,” Betty grinned. Jughead nodded.

“You were right,” he admitted.  “Right when I met her, I… I don’t know, it just felt like something clicked between us. We’re inseparable.”  Betty’s expression slightly darkened, but Jughead waved it off as a bit off jealousy.

“Ah, you’ve got it bad, bro,” Archie laughed at his best friend.  Jughead rolled his eyes.

“It’s not like that, Arch,” he explained.  “It’s like Betty said, you grow really close to people when you spend so much time together.”

“But you don’t blush when you talk about them,” Veronica noted, pointing out Jughead’s dusty pink cheeks.

“You’re imagining things,” Jughead scoffed.  Betty, Archie, and Veronica shared a knowing glance.

“If you say so,” Veronica sing-songed.  Before Jughead could respond, there was a knock on his door.  A smile subconsciously grew on his face.

“Speaking of (Y/N),” he said, standing up and walking towards the door.  He opened it, and, as expected, (Y/N) stood there.

“Are we going or not, Jug?” she pressed, grabbing his hand.  “I told you the line for the rainbow bagels is super long.  I don’t want to spend all of Saturday waiting for one, even though they’re so fucking pretty.”

“I’m video chatting with my friends right now,” Jughead told her, gesturing towards his open laptop. “Can you wait like five more minutes?”

“Fine,” (Y/N) huffed, crossing her arms.  She stepped into his room, allowing him to close the door behind her.  She followed him as he sat back down in front of his laptop, resting her chin on his shoulder as she peered at the screen. “These are your friends?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “That’s Archie,” he gestured towards the redhead, “the blonde one is Betty, and that one is Veronica.”  (Y/N) smiled at Jughead’s Riverdale friends.

“You must be (Y/N),” Betty smiled.  “Jughead was just talking about you.”

“Of course he was,” (Y/N) joked, nudging his arm.  Jughead playfully shoved her back.

“So how’s it been? Three months with the infamous Jughead Jones?” Veronica inquired with a smirk dancing on her lips.  

“Well it hasn’t been three months quite yet,” (Y/N) corrected her.  “I’ve only gotta deal with this guy for two more weeks.” Jughead’s face slightly deflated as this realization hit him.  “Let me tell you, he’s quite the handful.”

“We know,” Archie laughed. Jughead opened his mouth to say something, but (Y/N) interrupted him.

“Shit, I left my phone in my room!” she exclaimed, standing up.  “I’ll be right back, Jug.”  She turned and faced the laptop.  “It was great talking to you guys.  I hope we can meet sometime!”  She quickly exited Jughead’s room.  Immediately, Veronica, Archie, and Betty bombarded him about (Y/N)

“She’s perfect,” Veronica cooed.  “She’s actually flawless, Jughead.”

“You lucked out, bro,” Archie told him.  “She’s a keeper.”

“She’s absolutely amazing, Jughead,” Betty smiled.  Jughead grinned and shook his head.

“You guys, I told you-”

“Don’t even go there,” Veronica interrupted him.  “That girl is absolutely perfect for you.  The way you two look at each other is… it seems like it’s from a fairytale. You two are soulmates, Jughead.

“She does seem great, Jug,” Archie agreed with her.  “I mean, I’ve never seen you like that with anyone.  No offense, Betty.”

“None taken, Archie,” she waved his comment off.  “They’re right though, Jug.  You never looked at me the way you look at (Y/N).”  Jughead couldn’t think of a clever retort.  “But be careful, Jughead.  Like (Y/N) said earlier, you two only have two more weeks together. If you haven’t done anything up to this point, you might want to consider whether or not it’s worth it to start something now.  Just ask yourself, is it worth the heartbreak that’ll happen when you have to leave her?” She pursed her lips as she watched Jughead’s face darken on her screen.

“Thanks guys,” he said halfheartedly.  “Really, thank you.  I’ll see you all in two weeks.”

Tell me something, tell me something
You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do
Tell me something just before you go

“Our last day!” (Y/N) exclaimed, prancing into Jughead’s hotel room.  After the video call he had two weeks ago ended, he decided to give her a key to his room.  “Our internship is over, and we have one last night to spend together, Jug.  Out of every place in all of New York City, where do you want to go, Jughead Jones?” she asked seductively, a coy smirk growing on her face.

“I’m feeling burgers tonight,” Jughead answered, trying to stop his expression from deflating.  “And then maybe we can get some cupcakes?”

“I like it!” she grinned. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room, beginning the trek to their favorite restaurant.  “Jesus, I can’t believe it’s been three months already.”

“I know,” he agreed.  “It seems like my plane landed just yesterday.”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) breathed. They spent the rest of their walk in silence, choosing to listen to the bustling New York traffic.  

The waitresses at the restaurant, at this point, knew Jughead and (Y/N) as regulars.  They didn’t even bother giving them menus, knowing exactly what each of them would order.

“You two are my favorites,” the waitress whispered as she set their burgers in front of them.

“Thank you,” (Y/N) grinned. “I’m sorry to say, but it’s our last day here.”

“Oh,” the waitress sighed. “Well, you two better visit.  I don’t know what I’ll do without my favorite regulars.”  She walked away, leaving (Y/N) and Jughead to enjoy their burgers.

“You know,” Jughead noted through a mouth full of burger, “I don’t know how you’ve tried almost every restaurant in New York City while becoming a regular here.”

“Talent, Jug,” she told him, wiping her mouth on a napkin.  “It takes a hell of a lot of talent.”

They finished dinner and went to their favorite bakery to get cupcakes.  On their walk back to the hotel, they fell into silence once again. It wasn’t broken until they entered Jughead’s hotel room.  By now, almost all of (Y/N)’s stuff ended up in here.  They found it easier, rather than constantly having to switch back and forth between rooms to grab their stuff.

“So that was our last day,” (Y/N) claimed, flopping onto the bed.  Jughead stood by the bedside, crossing his arms with an amused smile.

“Unfortunately, it was,” he nodded.  He jumped next to her on the bed, earning a shriek from (Y/N).  He swallowed as he stared at her, knowing what he had to tell her. “Do you remember what you said to me on the first day we met?”

“That I know where to go for whatever you’re craving,” she answered with a grin.  Jughead laughed and shook his head.

“No, the other thing.”

“I hope you’re not an asshole because we’re gonna be stuck together all summer?” she offered.  He shook his head again.

“Nope.”

“I called you quick-witted?”

“No!”

“What is it?” (Y/N) demanded, sitting up so that she was hovering over Jughead as he remained laying down.

“You told me that if we were together any longer than just the summer, I might fall in love with you,” he explained, sitting up so that they were face-to-face.  (Y/N)’s grin slightly faded.

“Oh,” she murmured.  “Yeah, I did say that.”

“You were wrong,” Jughead said, trying to keep his voice steady.  He slowly grabbed her right hand.

“Really?” she asked as her eyes followed Jughead’s hand.

“Betty told me to be careful,” he explained, “because we’re not gonna be together that long.  And she was right.  I mean, why would we risk an immense amount of heartbreak just for the sake of a blissful few weeks together?”  When (Y/N) said nothing, he continued.  “So I figured I could just suck it up and get through the rest of our time together and not say anything.  It was a good plan, but you… you ruined it.”

“Sorry,” she quipped with a small smirk.  Jughead lovingly rolled his eyes.

“No you’re not,” he laughed. “You’re not sorry, and you shouldn’t be. Within the three months we’ve spent together, I’ve grown closer to you than I ever have with anyone else.  Hell, my ex-girlfriend said that we were great together.”

“She did?”

“Yeah,” he responded, grabbing her hands.  “Jesus, (Y/N), I’m in love with you.  I’m fucking in love with you, and it sucks.  It sucks because I don’t know if I’m ever gonna see you again.  And this is gonna cause so much heartbreak, for me at least, and maybe you too.  I just… I can’t keep it from you anymore.  But I also think, deep down, you already knew how I felt.”  Tears clouded (Y/N)’s eyes, and her lips quivered as she quickly enveloped Jughead in a hug.

“Fuck,” she whispered into his neck.  “Fuck, of course I love you, Jughead.”  He pulled himself out of her grip and stared at her, stroking his hand across her cheek. They both leaned in, pressing their foreheads against each other.  Their lips ghosted over each other, only millimeters apart.

“If I kiss you-”

“If you kiss me, everything is gonna go to shit, Jug,” she interrupted him.  He nodded but didn’t pull away.  They sat there like that on his bed on a minute, (Y/N) sitting on Jughead’s lap with her arms around his neck, foreheads touching and lips barely brushing.

The tension grew unbearable, so (Y/N) closed the gap and pressed her lips against his, trying to express what she had been feeling for the past three months.  

Jughead, too, attempted to convey every pent up confession he had, wishing that kisses could speak. He wanted his hands, which were encircling her waist, to tell her how she charmed him with her wit.  He wanted his eyes, which were closed with pleasure, to tell her how beautiful she was, especially when she trudged into his hotel room at three in the morning.  He wanted his lips, which were pressed against hers, to tell her how much he loved her.  He loved her, he loved her, and he wanted to keep saying it for the rest of his life.

For the sake of oxygen, the two pulled apart.  They kept their foreheads resting against each other.  

“Everything’s gone to shit,” (Y/N) whispered, and Jughead burst out into laughter.  (Y/N) followed suit by giggling, and their still-entangled limbs caused them to fall onto the bed so that (Y/N) was laying on top of Jughead. This only caused the pair to laugh harder.  

When their chuckles finally died down, (Y/N) climbed off from on top of Jughead and laid next to him, resting her head on his chest.  She combed her hand through his raven locks.

“I’m sorry that I fell in love with you,” Jughead apologized, kissing the top of her head. They were slowly falling asleep.

“Thank you for falling in love with me,” (Y/N) whispered, eyes fluttering shut.  “It may have all gone to shit, but it was worth it.”

Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know

Jughead stepped off the plane and saw his dad and friends standing at the gate, excitedly waiting for him.  He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even bother smiling.  Immediately, everyone understood.  

While they were awaiting Jughead’s plane’s arrival, Betty, Veronica, and Archie explained to the rest of the group about (Y/N).  They told them about how Jughead spent three months falling in love with this girl, and they explained that they had never seen Jughead look so smitten before.  

“How was New York, Jug?” FP asked, taking Jughead’s suitcase from him.  Jughead shrugged.

“It was nice.”

“Good food?” he questioned, trying to get his son to open up.  Jughead nodded tiredly.

“Yeah, food was great,” he replied monotonously.

“And the internship?”

“Helpful,” Jughead responded.  “I think it’ll help me improve as a writer.”

“That’s good,” FP said, raking a hand through his hair.  “You had another person with you, right?”  FP noticed Jughead tense up at this.

“Yeah,” he answered quietly. “Yeah, I had a counterpart.”

“What was she like?” Jughead looked up at his dad.

“You already know who it is,” he replied, shaking his head.  “Who told you, Betty?”  FP pursed his lips.

“Yeah, her and Archie and Veronica.  But listen, Jug, you’re going to have your heart broken countless other times.  You’ll get over this girl,” he attempted to comfort Jughead.

“Dad, she wasn’t just a girl,” he protested.  “She was amazing and quick-witted, and I fell in love with her and then everything went to shit.  But the worst part is that it’s okay, because she loved me too.  She fucking loved me, and I kissed her, and now I may never see her again.”

“Well if you loved her that much, you may see her again,” FP shrugged.  “Fate is a tricky thing, son, but the universe seems to cooperate better if you love someone.”

Keep reading

Angsty Bojack Horseman Sentence Starters
  • “The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you.”
  • “You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me.”

  • “Life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it?”

  • “Am I a good person?”

  • “That’s the problem with life, either you know what you want and you don’t get what you want, or you get what you want and then you don’t know what you want.“ 

  • “There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead." 

  • "Family is a sinkhole, and you were right to get out when you had the chance." 

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.” 

  • “You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.” 

  • “Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets”.

  • “We’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.” 

  • “I don’t think I believe in ‘deep down’. I think that all you are is just the things that you do.”

  • “You were born broken, that’s your birthright.”

  • “You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy.”

  • “you’re a selfish goddamn coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn’t give a shit about who he hurts. That’s you.”

  • “You know, it’s funny… when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

  • “I’m sorry, alright? I screwed up, I- I know I screwed up.”

  • “You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!”

  • “You are all the things that are wrong with you.”

  • “Fuck, man. What else is there to say?”

  • “We’re not doomed. In the great, grand scheme of things, we’re just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

  • “The only thing that matters is right now, this moment, this one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.”

  • “He’s so stupid he doesn’t realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.”

  • “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day.”

  • “I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy?’ It just makes me more miserable.”

  • “It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way.”

  • “When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself. It’s that bad thing you did.”

  • “It’s so cruel to let people love you. All you’re doing is promising you’ll one day break their hearts.”

  • “One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

  • “There are some people you can’t save. Cause those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them.”
  • “ Hey, I wanted to talk to you about… you know. I feel bad about what happened.”
  • “I don’t forgive you.”
  • “No. I’m not gonna give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it’s never, ever going to be okay!”
  • “You have to believe me. I did everything I could.”
  • “I had a good life, but what I needed then was a friend! And you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that.”
  • “Now get the fuck out of my house!”
  • “ Look, I’m sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier.”
  • “Do you… do you think it’s too late for me? I mean, am, am, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? “
  • “I, I, I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.”
  • “I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be… and I’m sorry.”
  • “ What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? “
  • “I want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.”
  • “If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”
  • “ You can’t just disappear. You really hurt a lot of people.”
  • “In this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make.”
  • “It’s so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”
  • “You like being there to rescue me. Because it makes you feel good about yourself.”
  • “ You know that I don’t do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So what’s the point?”
  • “ Uh…. Oh, god, I’m drowning. I feel like I’m drowning.”
  • “Hey, we have all done shitty stuff before. Most of us aren’t as proud of it as you seem to be.”
  • “It doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier.”
  • “I can’t keep lying to myself thinking I’m gonna change, I’m poison.”
  • “I come from poison and I have poison inside me and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy.”
  • “I have nothing to show for the life I have lived. And I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me.”
  • “You’re gonna wanna kill yourself, and there’s going to be no one left to stop you.” 

“i hate you,” andrew said casually. he took a last long drag from his cigarette and flicked it off the roof. “you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.”
“i’m not a hallucination,” neil said, nonplussed.
“you are a pipe dream,” andrew said. 

here it is, my first ever digital painting! pls go easy on me i know it has a million flaws i’m still learning i just had to paint these two bc i am andreil trash ok