chat noir will
drape himself over ladybug’s lap during the downtime on their nightly patrols and
moan about how awful plagg is just for some head scratches from ladybug (let’s
be honest, plagg taught the kitty well; complain and receive cheese/ladybug)
they once spent
an afternoon atop the notre dame after an akuma attack critiquing civilian’s
fashion choices. both learned that their partner has excellent taste in fashion.
ladybug: “oh my
god is that a man bun? those things should be burned.”
chat noir: “who
the hell wears crocs anymore? they look like shit, and they make your feel
smell. god, shoes have three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. crocs
have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and being ugly. it’s
quite a feat for one shoe to suck this much. i will judge anyone who wears crocs.”
ladybug uses chat noir as a mannequin to measure some of her designs during their downtime.
frequent arguments over akuma names because some are too stupid to say aloud. ladybug
believes in creativity and free will and vows to let the akumas keep the names
they declare themselves with. chat noir files petitions to change many of them
because he absolutely refuses to admit he nearly got beat by a Mr. Pigeon.
if ladybug and
chat noir are literally anywhere
together outside in public without an akuma, someone’ll always ask, “are you
two together? are you on a date?”. chat has to hold ladybug back from
stakeouts, chat noir sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” and has gotten to 1
before, even though it usually ends up with him getting pitched off a roof.
morning, there was an akuma battle, and chat noir learned that ladybug has bad
bed head. he makes sure to keep a comb in his pocket now at all times for
whenever there’s an early battle, and ladybug doesn’t have time to fix her hair
before going to school. she doesn’t say it, but she’s really thankful. (also
really jealous because tikki, pockets,
give me pockets, god fucking damn it)
one time there
was a mermaid akuma in the seine and chat noir fell in the water and revealed
he couldn’t swim. ladybug saved him and made him take swimming lessons. nothing
beats coming to sunday morning swimming lessons and finding one of paris’s
famous superheros with floaties and a kick board.
you can bet your
ass that ladybug constantly makes “a cat to water” jokes every second she can.
ladybug keeps a
tally of how many puns chat noir makes. his gets to 162 in one night before she
sets a limit of 10 puns per day. he breaks it all the time and has to wear the
Collar of Shame™ for the rest of the day, which is black collar with a huge
pink bow. (ladybug thinks he secretly likes it).
actually hates ladybug’s puns and buys her the “Punning for Dummies” book for Christmas.
she gets him “31
Ways Not To Be A Douchebag”.
actually know how to use a real yo-yo. chat noir laughs for two weeks.
ladybug and chat
noir regularly attend movies as themselves because no one really knows why the
superheroes are going to the movies, but it probably means there’s an akuma or
something equally bad so let’s just not
go. it just means they get the best seats every time.
they’re really tired and stressed out, and ladybug is being bossy and chat noir
is fed up with hearing it, he’ll say, “okay, deborah” which causes her to pitch him off the eiffel tower.
chat noir can
never get into a hammock. he always flips over every time he tries to get on
one time ladybug
flubbed a back handspring, and the news stations got it live. chat noir plays
it on repeat for a week.
a/n: sorry, this is two days late, but it’s also almost 3k, so…. hopefully that makes up for the tardiness? also! please note that this fic doesn’t have anything to do with ngozi’s short comic, wingman. your characters are safe. content warning for underage alcohol usage.
This is definitely not what Dex signed up for.
He’d expected Nursey Patrol to involve limiting Nursey’s
shots and keeping him from dancing on tables, which, okay, would have sucked,
but this is honestly not much better.
“Soooo, have you met Dex?” Nursey says for the third time
this night, like imitating Neil Patrick Harris is still funny. He’s dragged Dex
over to yet another group of female athletes that he’s going to have to do his
best to avoid for the next three years of his college career. Nice.
“Hi,” Dex says awkwardly. “I’m Dex.”
“Pssh, I just said that,” Nursey says, slinging an arm over
Dex’s shoulder and leaning on him only a little more heavily than he might have
done sober. “He’s usually a lot brighter than this, ladies. He’s a CompSci major—super
smart with computers and shit. Plus all that typing means he’s good with his
fingers, if you know what I mean. Just look at those hands—”
“Okay, that’s enough, Nurse. Sorry, you guys, um. Bye.”
He pulls Nursey away from the girls and—fuck, he’s pretty
sure one of them is in his Stats class, dammit.
Nursey stumbles behind him obediently, letting Dex drag him over to the
kitchen. Dex fills Nursey a glass of water and Nursey drinks it dutifully,
standing next to the fridge.
“Okay, so remind me why you’re trying to humiliate me in
front of half of Samwell’s female population?” Dex demands when Nursey finishes
“‘M not humiliating you,” Nursey insists, then waggles his
ridiculous eyebrows. “I’m trying to get you laid.”