this is really horrible i'm sorry

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry to bother you, but do things really get better? I'm 16 right now and everything I know is sadness and exhaustion and anger and then I talk to my parents and they just complain about adult life... is it worth it to go on?

oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy. i know there are a lot of people who say, oh it gets better. and it does in some ways, but what it really gets is different. the people who are angry and mean and horrible often stay that way. the people who cut you off or who flip you off or who piss you off often are the same people at 16 as at 26. 

i think i hated people telling me “it gets better” because what could get better about being a mentally ill queer cuban girl in a world that wanted to eat me. i got spat out. my writing isn’t published because i’ve been rejected so many times i don’t even notice anymore. i was told a few times “make it less obviously homosexual”. what is going to get better about that, i said to myself. the memory of it will never be a nice one.

things got different slowly. like i didn’t realize until i was far on the other side of it. i wasn’t kidding in that last post when i said today i read my writing at 15 and it was painfully obvious how depressed i was. i didn’t have a diagnosis. like you, all i knew was that i was exhausted and angry and sad all the time and when i talked about it, i was told “everyone feels that way sometimes.” i felt that way all the time. in this story, i don’t suddenly wake up after turning 18 and have a magical life where it is all bunnies and flowers and loving. it took me 3 years of trying before i finally managed to quit self-harm completely. my eating disorder and i are still not on speaking terms, luckily. i’m slowly getting a handle on my ocd. i didn’t realize that the biggest thing that was changing was me.

yeah. being out of the house made it easier. away from where people knew me as a certain person. being someone new or being who i was or being in a room full of people who didn’t care how gay i was. being in control made it better. finding real and true friends made it better. being able to make my own plans and choose my own story and do more than just wait until i was old enough to be taken seriously - it got better.

but honestly it’s me. i learned how to shake hands with depression, he and i are such good old buddies i sometimes see him before he’s even coming. and i’ve gotten so good at getting out of his embrace, because practice makes perfect, same as anything. and i’ve learned things about myself i had no idea about at 16. i didn’t even realize i’m funny. i had never been skinny dipping. my only kiss had been sort of an accident. there was a lot i cared about then that i don’t care about now, because in my new world outside of that, the people i surround myself with don’t care either. i’ve worn a dinosaur onesie pajama set to eight parties now when 19 year old me wouldn’t be seen without her makeup. i wear glasses in public even though i’m nervous they make me look like a bug. i have tattoos and new piercings and a bank account (and no money) and i have love. and i don’t mean with a partner, although i’m blessed enough to say i have that as well - i mean. i just found it. i taught myself how to look for it. i figured - listen, i’m here still, so i might as well, like, try to enjoy it. and it wasn’t overnight. it still goes away sometimes. but i love so much and so easily now. i laugh more because of it. i let myself love dogs and movies and silly things. and this love sort of … makes things better. because it reflects off of everything into you. like a mirror.

at sixteen… at sixteen i was very suicidal. i didn’t know that it applied to me, because i thought i was just annoying and lazy. looking back now i always pull a face at how obvious it was, and how close i got to walking myself into a grave. it was more than a close call. death, like, waved. i actually believed i wouldn’t make it past 18. what was the point? what was the point of anything? i think if i’d told myself then, “it gets better”, i would have laughed. “maybe for you!” i would have said, “you have money and a life and you’re not like this.” but it did get better. in inches. stick around to see it. stick around to see everything wonderful that’s waiting in the wings for you. that knows your name. a fate of beautiful moments that are small and precious, like butterflies landing on fingers or snowflakes on tongues, or just sitting with a good book during the rainfall. hell, stick around to write the book, because (trust me), if you believe in your art and yourself - it can be done.

stick around most of all because what gets better is you fall in love with yourself. the world doesn’t become suddenly sickeningly sweet, even if the people around you become better and you’re given more opportunity. that’s wonderful too but… what happens is that over time, the stuff they told you stops sticking. you realize that just because your nose is crooked it doesn’t even matter because it doesn’t stop you from being the best dang ping pong player in your family. you realize you have a family, even if they’re not blood. you realize you are your own family. and you learn to take care of yourself and yes, it gets ugly at times, but you manage. and inside of managing there’s all these wonderful successes like mac and cheese and getting the bills done and the smell of clean laundry and friends that make you laugh so hard you almost pee and an apartment with plants in every corner and a hairless cat in sweaters or a dog with a bowtie or both and watching movies and reading books and seeing art, all of which haven’t been created yet, and possibly you’re the one who makes them. and managing … managing doesn’t have to be big. sometimes it’s just making a small difference. and sometimes the person you make a difference to is yourself. and that’s amazing.

stick around because, trust me, somewhere in there, you meet your younger self in your dreams and you tell her - oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy.

6

I’m sorry, Mob, but whatever happened… You’re probably the only one who can fix it.

there is something inside me. something wicked

happy super belated birthday wolfrooks!!! ( ˘ ³˘)❤ wanted to do something related to nogitsune!stiles for you and i… tried? ૮(꒦ິཅ꒦ິ)ა

spanish
“estas historias sirven como mi inspiración! realmente adoro como dibujan, crean sus  AU! implican creatividad! trabajo y eso es algo que admiro mucho!
espero no ser molesta con este terrible doodle! espero que les guste!”
enlgish
This stories work as my inspiration!! I really adore how they draw,create their AUs!! Involve creativity! Work and that’s something i admire a lot! I hope im not a bother with this terrible doodle! I hope you like it!-

sorry for the terrible and horrible drawing =‘C
I will make better drawings soon for you <3 

@doodledrawsthings
@majorpepperidge
@hazardgirl-art-blog
@shinyzango
@devilswinginbendy


Anime Protagonists Meeting
  • Lelouch Lamperouge: I have an unbelievably horrible father.
  • Edward Elric: Dude you have no idea.
  • Shinji Ikari: Shut up, Ed, you don't even have the worst father in your own series! My disappeared for years and then told me to get in this giant-
  • Eren Jaeger/Yeager/???: Get in the giant? Bitch, please!
  • Rin Okumura: You're all adorable.

anonymous asked:

This is probably gonna be a quite rude sounding question, but how do you not get bored of doing the "same job" every day? (I swear this isn't meant to be as mean as it sounds!!) I'm 18 and going to Uni soon, but the prospect of doing the same sort of thing every day for a long time sounds horrible to me. I know you love your job and you're incredible at it, but do you ever get bored of it, and how do you combat that?

Well.. I’m sorry to say, but that’s pretty much what a job is, welcome to being an adult, we do the same thing every day and have very little free time :P

But that’s also why it’s really important to actually like and enjoy doing what you choose to do. Not everyone will have that opportunity, especially not straight out of school. Sooner or later you have to do things you don’t want to do, that’s life. I’ve had several jobs I didn’t want or like, in fact most of my jobs I didn’t want or like. But you have to pay the bills somehow. By then it becomes a trade-off of “what can I put up with while I wait for the weekend to start”. Which is basically how I lived my life up until I started working with Jack last year.

It sounds cynical and depressing, but I’m not gonna sugar-coat it. You’ll have to find ways of making it work, music, making friends at the workplace, maybe working part time at different places for variety etc. If you DO have something you want to do, keep doing that in your spare time. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up making a job of it. Not every day is going to be fun, regardless of what you do, sometimes you just have off-days. Which is where pride is a good thing. I always want to take pride in what I do, even when I did work I didn’t like I still made sure to do a good job because I never wanted someone to point to me and say I didn’t care.

So basically, primary goal, find something you can put up with, to support yourself. Secondary goal, do the thing you actually want to do in your spare time. Don’t count on it to work. If it does, great, if it doesn’t, well as long as you can pay the bills you’ll get to keep doing it in your spare time. Compromise. And never spend all the money you make. Always, always, save. You will need it, at some point.

Don’t imagine Eridan being a drama queen and deciding that he’s not going to chat with anyone online unless they contact him first from now. Don’t think about him waiting for weeks, and the only contact he gets is Feferi telling him about what her mom needs/wants to eat, and sometimes talking about little things for a bit. Don’t imagine him crying over his keyboard as he waits online for someone to try to talk to him. 

Don’t imagine two months passing of nothing but short small talk/instructions from Feferi and one time Karkat clicked on his name by mistake and told him so before leaving. Don’t imagine at the end of this two months, Eridan being about to break down when he gets a message from Feferi, who means so well when she tells him that she thinks their moirailship has improved, that she feels so much less burdened by him “now you’ve gotten over those silly issues you used to have.” or now that he’s “learned to be less clingy”

Don’t think about him typing out agreements about how much better things are this way, through his tears and self hatred. Don’t imagine him sitting there, skin and bones because he never remembers to feed himself, crying his eyes out because he can’t take being alone anymore, but now he knows how she feels about him being an issue and he doesn’t want to stress her, 

Don’t imagine him trying to click on Karkat’s name through the tears because he’s the only one he feels like he can turn to, and sending a mic chat request. Don’t imagine him clicking on Sollux’s name instead, and Sollux accepting, because he hasn’t heard from Eridan in quite a while, and he was missing their fights. Don’t imagine Eridan pouring his heart out to Sollux, thinking it’s Karkat, talking about how he can’t take being alone like this anymore, and how nobody has talked to him for two months and how Feferi thought all those issues he struggles with so much were silly.

Don’t imagine Sollux sitting there horrified, not knowing what to do, since he has no social skills.

Don’t imagine Eridan ending with, “Kar, I need help, I can’t be alone like this anymore. Please.”

Don’t imagine Sollux staying quiet, since he doesn’t want Eridan to know he just heard everything, that and that he doesn’t know what to say. 

Don’t imagine Eridan assuming ‘Karkat’ staying silent means that he was annoyed by him, or that he agrees with Feferi and feels Eridan is a burden.

Don’t imagine Eridan ending the call with ‘I’m sorry.”

You really shouldn’t imagine any of that, it sounds quite sad. 

maple-maypole  asked:

(1) So! A new kid moves to Salt Middle School. This is one of those kids that will analyze the shit outta everyone. "8:35am, day 13. today ___ was very quiet and looked kinda sad. Maybe he just overslept and got yelled at bc of it (evidence: coffee and yawning) If it gets worse I'll talk to him." & "2:07pm, day 8: Today ___ asked ___ out during math class. Dude's got some balls and no chill whatsoever." kinda thing.

How dare you, now I have yet another OC that I’ll never be able to use for anything else ever again! T-T

Also shut up your English is perfect and this prompt is amazing, I loved it so much and I love you, thank you!

AO3 link


Going Native

Kenshin can’t help but stare.

Which, okay, is not exactly news. He stares a lot, all the time, at people and things he finds interesting. It usually doesn’t feel particularly rude - but in this instance, there is the unfamiliar thought nudging at the back of his mind to look away and leave it be. He’s not sure what to make of it.

The math lesson drowns on around him while he flips through his notes, the ones that concern themselves with anything but the actual subject matter of the class, and searches for any previous mention of that particular student.

Kageyama, is it? He honestly isn’t even sure about the name. Kenshin has been in this class for a month now and apparently there has not been a single noteworthy thing about this guy before today.

(And Kenshin wrote it down when Hiroki brought a cucumber sandwich instead of his customary tomato one. So Kageyama has literally been less interesting than a cucumber sandwich this whole time.)

Keep reading

3

I was doing warm up sketches when this AU came up lol
AU where Yura is a delinquent (with surprisingly good grades) and a transfer student Beka who also a bit of a model student who is also secretly a delinquent. Yura thinks delinquent Beka is really cool. (Otabek is like Clark Kent lmao no one recognizes him when he wears his glasses pffffttt)

Yura became friends with Beka still not knowing he is also  delinquent lmao


Why the mask doesn’t come off - COMPLETE
wow this took me wAAAAAAY longer than I thought it would. It’s fuckin’ 5 in the morning x’)
anyway really had a fun time doing this. It’s messy but I like it overall cx Go take a look at my revamped version — Digital AND Colored!

shout out to the (actual) worst people in mystic messenger

honestly, what is wrong with the characters in Mystic Messenger’s families? seriously, i blame them for a lot of these issues.
i might be missing some? sorry in advance.

zen’s mother for going so far as to tell her own child that he is not good looking to deter him from his passions,
yoosung’s aunt for saying she regrets adopting rika,
jaehee’s aunt for telling her husband she doesn’t even want to take jaehee in after her parents pass away,
jumin’s mother for not even being involved with her son’s life and jumin’s stepmother for being a complete fake and creep,
saeyoung’s and saeran’s mother for very very obvious reasons and their father for very very obvious reasons,
i even read a couple recent posts about v’s family not even being involved very much eitherto the point where jumin feels like the only family v really has, and that line is confirmed.
come on…it all started with these guys, in all reality. they just…they SUCK


where were you guys? these children needed you. and you just…left them. 

they deserve better
so, the RFA is their family now.

anonymous asked:

Hello... sorry to bother but could you rec some sweet and cute yoonseok fics? (Length doesn't really matter) I'm feeling down and my internet is horrible I can't search anything on Google 😭 thank you in advance if you do... I love your blog so much!!!

Peter Pan and the Lost Boy by wicked_lovely (6,323)

Hoseok is cast as Peter Pan in the school play, and all he wants is someone to practice his lines with. Little did he know, he would find his own lost boy this way.

Medicated by sixtieshairdo (1,893)

As they were not allowed to have their mobile phones with them while attending a music show, they were only aware of the stream of ridiculous tweets Yoongi had posted only after the show ended, which led him to frantically worry that Yoongi had gotten himself drunk from their stash of alcohol in the house. Yoongi had not only taken photos of their televised performance and posted them with random captions, he’d also insisted that he loved them all twice, but the icing of the cake was his tweet that he was washing cherry tomatoes, ending it with his iconic Cypher part 3 closing line, “chop chop chop”.

The others had simultaneously groaned and cackled upon reading Yoongi’s tweet-vomit, but Hoseok was out of his mind worried that the stubborn little fool had gotten sick from alcohol poisoning and that he’d find Yoongi lying in a pool of sick once they entered their house.

He didn’t find Yoongi surrounded by his vomit on his bed. In fact, he didn’t find Yoongi on his bed at all.

The Still Point (Of The Turning World) by inkingbrushes (74,943)

Because Yoongi doesn’t know how this started, or how this will end, but he knows this simple fact: he knows that there is a love between them that is much fiercer than the burning sun. There is that love then, and there is that love now, and surely there will be that same love the next time.

(Or: the one where they’re reincarnated over and over again and Yoongi meets a different version of Hoseok every time but Yoongi is the only one that remembers.)

selene, interrupted at his music by jellyprince (tricycleamoving) (1,516)

“I want to look for my mother.” Yoongi blurts out. The weight of his choker suddenly feels more obvious, the crescent moon pendant heavy at the hollow of his throat.

In which Yoongi is a son of Selene, and Hoseok is the son of Dionysus that keeps him grounded.

Bright Light by signifying_nothing (6,288)

in which yoongi’s ridiculousness is hilarious, until it isn’t anymore.

Bitter & Sweet by soranosuzu (10,021)

Yoongi has been going to the same coffee shop every day for over a year now. He enjoys everything about his morning routine until Hoseok shows up and turns everything upside down. (In which Hoseok is a barista and Yoongi is a salty little shit)

color ring by jisoos (1,178)

hoseok swears he’s going to strangle his soulmate the second he meets him because are you serious? mint green? who the hell dyes their hair mint green? au where your hair changes color whenever your soulmate changes theirs.

And all this devotion (I never knew at all) by inkingbrushes (8,574)

Maybe Yoongi is actually really kind of fucking gone for his best friend.

(Also: Hoseok can’t sit on a secret for very long because he’s terrible at keeping secrets, which is only ironic because he loves Yoongi, too, and Yoongi hasn’t figured it out yet.)

Assembly Required by idyllicblue (6,851)

Hoseok finally moves out to live on his own but is all thumbs when it comes to putting furniture together. Thank god for a certain mint haired Ikea employee.

a question of luck by bazooklets (bazooka) (4,654)

It all started, Hoseok was pretty sure, when he was in his last year of college - and his body had gone on strike after way too many years of abusing it through cram school and tests and all nighters to finish papers at the last minute. It all started when he’d had six hours of sleep over five days and fell into bed and stared at the ceiling. It all started, Hoseok was pretty damn sure, with The Guy.

In which Hoseok has insomnia, and Yoongi has a really really nice voice.

2

graphics and edits; brothers » we won’t stop dreaming by pinkzebra
↳ Look ahead, we can see forever. You and me, doing it together. Light it up, we can be a million stars. Look at us, don’t you see we’ve come so far, we’ve come so far. This is our place in the human race.