this is probably not funny to anyone but me

Sexting (Jimin smut)

Originally posted by minblush


Summary: On a lonely night, you decide to sign up for an anonymous sexting site. Of course you are matched with the notorious fuckboy you’re constantly trying to avoid. Park fucking Jimin.

Themes: Sexting, Fuckboy Jimin, College AU.

Pairing: You x Jimin

Word Count: 4k

This fic contains: Explicit and graphic depictions of smut, sex over the phone, swearing. 


ENTER USERNAME:

Cleopatra123

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Male/Female

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

I’d rather not say/enter here:

WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

Decent conversation/making friends/finding a language buddy/other

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR AGE PREFERANCE:

19-24

CLICK ‘CHAT’ TO BE MATCHED WITH A PARTNER!

YOU HAVE BEEN MATCHED WITH ‘THOR562’.

THOR562: 21 years old- Seoul, South Korea- also interested in ‘other’.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHAT?

Yes/No

YOU ARE NOW IN A CHAT WITH THOR562, ENJOY!


Keep reading

The signs as moments falling in love

Aries: It was when you opened up to me so easily. I was used to them being closed off, masking hurt with humor or skirting around the subject entirely. But you told me everything, more than was necessary even, and you just sat right there looking at me with this fearlessness in your eyes..and I loved you. 

Taurus: It was when I had threatened to tickle you again, and you scrunched your nose in the way that I love and lunged for me with a playful vengeance. Your eyes were sparkling and later you fell asleep under me, like I was your home.  

Gemini: It was when you were listening to me speak-I mean really listening. Your eyes were on me, but I could tell you were holding onto every word I said, as if trying to understand what I’d been thinking in that very moment.

Cancer: It was when we both turned our heads and laughed to each other. It was like I was all too aware of everything, but distracted at the same time. Our closeness left me breathless and your eyes had crinkled at the corners, a genuine laugh. I wanted to be the only one who you shared that laugh with. 

Leo: It was when you hugged me for the first time. It wasn’t awkward, or fleeting. you had burrowed your head in my chest after spending a day all to ourselves. You hugged me like you’d miss me, and I’d realized I’d ache when you were gone too. 

Virgo: It was when you had made a really bad joke. Your reply had been dry- probably not even meant to be funny. But everyone around us laughed loudly, and seemed to love your presence. you had laughed along too- you always loved to laugh. And I was looking at you all along thinking, where were you all this time? 

Libra: It was when our eyes met across the room. You’d never gone unnoticed- everyone loved you and you were fond of everyone else. But it’s like that look was meant for me only. One you’d never gave to anyone else, one you’d been saving for someone like me. 

Scorpio: It was when I found myself wanting to tell you things I didn’t share with anyone else. You had sat there expectantly, and openly- like you’d wait all day if you had to. And when I told you you didn’t leave, you understood

Sagittarius: It was the way you loved everyone else. When you were around the people you loved, you were so happy. You were playful and made sure everyone around you was just as happy as you were. But when things got rough, you knew what to do, too. You were ready for whatever life threw your way. 

Capricorn: It was when you told me everything would be okay. You told me I deserved to be happy, that I’d worked so hard, and that life has a funny way of working out in the end. You accepted me and I didn’t even know it was what I needed. 

Aquarius: It was when you laughed at my bad joke. You always had, but for some reason this one made you laugh the most. You were in the passenger seat of my car, and you slapped your hand over your mouth, trying to suppress it. I made a face, embarrassed, but you squeezed my arm and smiled like I gave you the world. 

Pisces: It was when I was watching you be so open with everyone else. I’d admired that, hell, I envied it. You wore your heart on your sleeve, and made no apologizes for it. 

lance: HEY GUYS CHECK THIS OUT *plays the john cena song terribly on a recorder with his nose like in that one vine

keith: stop 

lance: why :(

keith: because *takes out a kazoo* i want in on this so we have to restart 

lance: *tears up* this is why i’m in love with you

this fandom has so much beautiful artwork dedicated to it, with amazing, talented artists producing masterpieces daily…

meanwhile, i made this

What’s in a meme?

okay, so more on the humans are weird tag, I’m thinking of doing one of my own every day what do you think? anyway todays is, yep you guessed it: memes.
not necessarily just memes though, just jokes in general. memes were just my starting thought, but hey, let’s go from what seems like the logical start.
How weird are human jokes? Like, we have some which just don’t make sense, like i don’t know if anyone else has seen that “No, two goat is too much” post [that probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else but i know what joke I’m talking about] but even if you don’t know that post i’m sure you’ve seen them around, those posts that make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, but you laugh ridiculously hard at.

another type of jokes: puns. why do we find them funny??? don’t get me wrong, i love them, but why? I’ve been thinking about it for a solid two minutes and i can’t even come up with an accurate definition of puns. in times like this i often turn to google:
pun: a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings
like honestly, we just went “Hey, these two words sound similar but mean two completely different things, that’s hillarious!”k knock

Some of our jokes don’t even have answers! like what’s that about?
And what about the jokes that aren’t even jokes, like why did the chicken cross the road? imagine how confused they’d be
and what about knock knock jokes? i’d probably go something like this:
Human: hey Jeff, knock knock

Alien: Why are you knocking, isn’t knocking something done, not something verbally spoken, have i misunderstood the concept of knocking?
Human: No. no, no, not at all, it’s a joke
Alien: a… joke?

Human: yeah, I say knock knock, and then you say who’s there. after that I’ll answer and you repeat what i said but with who on the end, and then i answer that. do you get it.

Alien, I believe i understand human!Jack, you will knock i will ask who is there, you shall say your name and i shall ask you to clarify. is a joke a training exercise of some kind? a way to make sure we answer in an apropriate way?

Human: no, not really, like I won’t reply with my name, i’ll reply with something else
Alien: Ah! so we are always open to new names and outcomes, genius!

Human: Erm, no not exactly, let’s let’s just try it
Alien: Excelent, I am excited!

Human: knock knock:

Alien: Who is there?

Human: Isabelle

Alien: Isabelle who?

Human: Is the bell broken? i had to knock!

Alien: What a wonderful name, do please come in Isabelle broken i had to knock.

Human:…

Alien: What a wonderful exercise, we should do these “jokes” more often! [walks away]
Human: …

yeah, you see how it might get confusing.

alright, now it’s time to get to what I’m sure is the reason you’re here: memes.
memes make no sense, and you might think that would go under non-sensical jokes, but what more got me thinking, was how memes die. like, after a wile, a meme just dies out, everyone moves on and people don’t really think of them as funny anymore, what’s with that? like maybe they’ll think jokes are a seasonal thing just imagine:
Alien: Ah, yes i saw one of those “Forcefully removed” jokes the other day, and i brought it here to show you
Human: Oh, those aren’t funny anymore.
Alien: Oh, is this one not up to par?

Human: no, not that, just all of them

Alien: but it was before?

Human: Yeah, those were the shit a few months ago

Alien: Then why stop? is it seasonal? do jokes have a cycle? Is it because it’ aimed at different age groups?
Human: no, none of that, it just is.

Alien: …

anyway, not very well explained, but you get my point.

now Imagine a crew that’s pretty used to the humans, they can differentiate between jokes and serious, a few of them get the jokes even, they enjoy the jokes. then imagine one of the crew members likes dark humour, maybe they start telling anti jokes

Human: hey, wanna hear a joke?

Alien: Ooh, yes!

Human: A man walks into a bar

Alien: ooh, i love these ones

Human: His alcoholism is ruining his life and his family is falling apart.

Alien: wait what

as i said, human humour is weird. tomorrow, I’ll get into fashion.

Yeah I know this is going back, but a lot of things in this episode always bothered me, and hardly anyone ever seems to mention them. 

One of the things I feel gets totally overlooked or brushed aside both within the episode itself and by fans,is that Amethyst was actively encouraging Peridot to make jabs at the other Gems.  It  started out as a single mildly frustrated comment about “permafusion” from Peridot and her venting about her lack of understanding,  and probably wouldn’t have gone any further, but  then Amethyst started egging her on.   

Also don’t forget Amethyst found Peridot insulting the other Gems, including Steven really funny up until a negative comment was made about her. Then suddenly Peridot was wrong, being mean, and had to apologise to Amethyst and ONLY to Amethyst (Steven got made fun of too, and at Amethyst’s request  "do Steven next!!“ ) . 

Peridot at this stage was still new to Earth social skills and what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour on Earth , so  I can understand why she was confused by Amethysts sudden angry reaction when she was doubled over laughing at similar comments made just moments before.   

 Don’t get me wrong, I like Amethyst, but I feel like she was being a total hypocrite here , and  her own blame and behaviour was never, and has never, even been acknowledged, let alone addressed.

Yes, Peridot was wrong and needed to apologise, and to Steven as well, really, not just to Amethyst,  but it wasn’t exactly unprovoked and Amethyst was in the wrong too. 

I liked the episode overall, just not how all the blame was dumped on Peridot (who by her own admission was still learning, and did feel bad that she upset Amethyst even if she initially didn’t understand how) , yet Amethyst who encouraged her to throw insults around and so escalated the whole thing in the first place , was made out to be the poor innocent victim by everyone including Steven. 

Also, getting away from Amethyst for a moment, the whole leash thing in this episode bothered me too. I can understand why Garnet would find being asked to unfuse  offensive, but Peridot didn’t, and at least tried to be polite in how she asked. Keep in mind that on Homeworld fusion is only done for practical reasons (officially anyway, the off colours prove some Gems break the rule, but its frowned on and they are severely punished if caught), and mostly that practical reason is  fighting. 

Peridot later reveals she understands and is fine with Opal because she can clearly see  and understand the practical reason for them fusing.  Peridot’s  initial discomfort with Garnet was not her objecting to the romantic relationship but her feeling intimidated because, thanks to Homeworld mentality,  she  associated fusion with violence/fighting. She’s actually fine and very quickly accepting when Garnet actually takes the time to talk to her and explain why, and that their fusion is romantic in origin, and doesn’t say another word about it. 

In fairness to Peridot if someone was hanging around me with a sharp knife  drawn and I could see no rational practical reason as to why they needed it in context,  I’d get uncomfortable and nervous too. Ok probably not the best metaphor, but you get the idea, and Peridots are not trained or meant for combat in the first place. She was probably feeling especially vulnerable from the still quite recent loss of her limb enhancers too. and all Garnet had to do was actually talk to Peridot about it. Instead Peridot was simply  tied up and kept on a leash like some disobedient animal, which would be a completely humiliating and degrading punishment for anyone, and again, no one objects  or questions it and she’s even left leashed for most of the episodes remainder. 

Apart from Steven she’s also pretty much excluded from the group for the rest of the episode too.

 This is also hypocrisy, because they are all expecting Peridot to empathise with and understand them and their viewpoint   without taking the time or effort to extend the same courtesy to her. 

 The Gems got better in subsequent episodes, but I feel like their treatment of her in this episode especially was overly harsh and very  unfair in general. 

She was not going to instantly understand or magically just know all the new rules , and confusing her by teaching her the wrong behaviour (Amethyst) was completely unhelpful. 

<sarcasm> But hey, it was all Peridots fault, and humiliation as a punishment is a great teaching tool… </sarcasm>

Got7 stuck in a room together
  • Youngjae: oh my god this is how I die in a room full of guys *starts panting*
  • Jin young: none of you fucking touch me!
  • Jaebum: *petting youngjae in the background* BE QUITE YOURE SCARING THIS PRECIOUS BU- I MEAN YOUNGJAE
  • Yugyeom: trying to poke jinyoungs cheeks while laughing (probably the one who locked them in there tbh)
  • Mark: *sits quietly planning how to kill anyone who dares mess with him...except Jackson*
  • Jackson: OH MY GOD IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE I HAVENT LIVED MY LIFE MARK KISS ME I HEARD KISSING TAKES AWAY ANXIETY!
  • Bambam: probably trying to find a way to make being stuck in a room trendy

aaaaaaaaaaaahhh hello friends !!! i am here for a mutual appritiation post for me hitting 1k friends !!! when i made this sideblog i never thought it would ever have 1k followers but it happened !!! n its all thank to u who actually like me and talk to me and stand by me so thank u so much 💓 this is a looong list bc i didnt wanna leave anyone out but i probably still did n im so sorry im very forgetful but ily 💗💘💕💓 u all make my life a lil better everyday 💗💗

im sorry this is s simple my computer fucked up twice so this is my third time trying it TT im so sorry djsusjdkld (yes thats me in the banner) 💗💕💓💖💟💞

Keep reading

INTRUDER [DRACO MALFOY]

request: “Draco x reader 68 and 99 from the list please! Love your work sooooo much!!!!” — by anon

a/n: thank you!!!! hope you like this 💕

68. “Any reason why you’re half-naked in my room?”
99. “Ouch! That really hurt.”

PART 2

Masterlist + Request here! 

    In Christmas breaks, you tended to stay in Hogwarts rather than with your own family back at home. It wasn’t because you didn’t like spending your holidays with them, but you just thought it was easier because of their always busy schedules. Also, by not leaving the school, you’d get the chance to concentrate more on your homeworks as well.

    You sighed in happiness when you felt your whole body softly hit the mattress, your eyes tired from the revising you did for the whole day. Without your friends around, you really did have the opportunity to get school work done and you honestly didn’t know whether you’re regretting not coming home or being thankful that you’re already half-way through.

    Just as you feel yourself drifting away from consciousness, you heard the door to your room creak. You opened your eyes immediately, growing confused since you only had the place for yourself for the meanwhile, meaning there shouldn’t be someone creeping in. Unless …

    With a grab of your wand, you pointed it to the direction of the door and whispered, “Lumos.”

    You widened your eyes when you saw that it was Draco Malfoy, someone who was in the same house as yours which was Slytherin, and in instinct you grabbed your pillow and threw it towards him, hitting him hard on the face.

     "Ouch! That really hurt.“ he complained, rubbing his face.

    ”Any reason why you’re half-naked in my room?“ you demanded before turning off the light on your wand and turning on the lamp beside your bed instead.

    Draco picked up the pillow and threw it back to you. "Bloody hell, have anyone told you that you could make one hell of a Beater?”

    “You’re avoiding my question. Why do you only have your pants on?” you had a hard time not looking at anywhere other than his eyes.

    He sighed. “Yeah, about that, I needed somewhere to hide.”

    You cocked an eyebrow. “And you thought the best place for that was in my room?” you mused.

    “I thought you were sleeping, okay?” he rolled his eyes.

    You crossed your arms. “Still not a valid reason to trespass. Why are you even in the girls’ dormitory?”

    You thought your eyes were deceiving you but you could see that his ears turned pink.

    “I — uh — it’s none of your business.”

    A realization suddenly struck you and you couldn’t help laughing if what you were thinking was true. He sent you a confused look because of this which made you speak.

    “Are you hooking up with Pansy Parkinson?” you exclaimed, causing the young boy to run towards you and scowl for you have said it so loudly.

    “Don’t shout it out!” whispered Draco in an angry tone.

    You chuckled. “You’re cautious. Does that mean that you are hooking up with her?”

    “No.” he sat on the other bed beside yours. “She was just trying to —” he stopped himself. “Look, she did something and I ran away. I’ll let your imagination take over.”

    “That’s probably not a good idea since I do have a wild mind.” you smirked. “But okay, and if you want, you can sleep there at Daphne Greengrass’ bed for the night. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

    Draco nodded, not used to the feeling of someone showing real kindness to him. It seemed like out of all the people in Hogwarts, you were the only person he knew who wasn’t quick to judge and made the effort to actually get to know a person before deciding whether he or she is bad or good. That was (maybe) the real reason why he decided to hide in your room instead.

    “Thanks. Good night.” he coughed awkwardly, laying down on the said bed.

    You smiled and turned off the lights. “You’re welcome. Sweet dreams, Draco.”

    He was struck when he heard his name slipping off your tongue, something that not many people did because they preferred to call him by his last name. He just snorted in amusement before tucking himself in, but when he was just about to sleep, he heard your voice again.

    “She didn’t try to force you into doing something, right?” you asked in the darkness, your tone masking concern.

    “No.” Draco was now grinning for a reason he didn’t know. “We sorta had a thing going on and she said something that caught me off guard.”

    You chuckled. “Of course, the best way to solve your problems is running away as they say. I’m disappointed. So much for being known as ruthless and egotistical.”

    He shifted so that he can face you, not aware that you have done the same because of the dimness of the room.

    “You sound like you don’t believe it.” he breathed out.

    “I don’t. At least not until you give me a reason to believe what everybody else is saying.” you replied.

    “You should anyway. They’re right.”

    You rolled your eyes even though you knew he wouldn’t see it.

    “Stop being dramatic.” you told him. “And besides, even if they are right, I know you’re good deep deep deep down.”

    The sound of his laughter abruptly filled the quiet atmosphere of the room. You found yourself grinning at the fact that this was one of the rare moments you’d hear him laugh genuinely, and not because of the hopes of making himself seem like a funny guy somehow to others.

    “I’m sorry. I’m keeping you from sleeping, aren’t I?” said Draco.

    “Oh, not at all.” You didn’t mean to sound sarcastic.

    “But we should probably still go to sleep.” he insisted. “And I promise, I’ll go out of this room as early as possible in the morning to not get noticed by anyone. Who knows what they’ll think of when they see me walking out without a top?”

    The both of you laughed again.

    “Yeah, you should probably do that. I wouldn’t want Pansy as an enemy.” you teased.

    “Please don’t tell anyone about that too, by the way.”

    You faked a gasp. “Is the Slytherin Prince actually pleading to some commoner like me?” you said before erupting into a fit of laughter for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

     "Ha, ha.“ he sarcastically replied.

     You involuntarily yawned.

     Draco furrowed his eyebrows slightly. "You should really sleep. Good night again, Y/N.”

     "Good night too, Draco. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.“ you told him childishly, grabbing your pillow and finally drifting off into the anticipated sleep you have been waiting for.

     On the other hand, Draco was staring at the ceiling, knowing that moments like this with you won’t be the last.

An Apology

I have been gone for a couple weeks. Not necessarily intentionally. What it boils down to is that I severely underestimated the impact of being a full-time student while also working full-time (and hours-wise, they almost match), and as my program progresses it’s just getting harder. And then there’s personal stuff, and unexpectedly urgent expensive dental procedures, and so forth. I’m back to the heart-pounding nightmare-inducing levels of stress that in previous times sent me to counselors because how do I breathe.

I’m posting this for a few reasons. One, to apologize for continuing to not respond. If anything weird was posted, it’s because I haven’t managed my queue in a bit. I sincerely apologize for dropping the ball on some things. The ball, right now, will continue to be dropped. I’ve been postponing things all summer thinking I could catch up, and it hasn’t happened yet–I need to face facts that I won’t be able to catch up “this weekend,” as I’ve thought every weekend for a couple months. The best I can do is be honest and apologize.

The second reason is selfish. If you have a favorite happy or humorous/funny story/link or video–on or off Tumblr, I don’t care–would you send it to me? I’ll probably add some to Alien-Free Friday, but most of what I’ve been seeing online lately is either school-related or the news, which is the exact opposite of happy. I don’t know when I’ll be back on to see them, but it’s something to look forward to.

Finally, thank you for your patience. I don’t think anyone on here has ever said anything rude despite my ongoing issues with time and disappearing. Y'all are nice people.

I’m a Jamaican girl of African/Chinese descent living in China, and let me tell you… I’ve been on the receiving end of a host of irritating comments from people back home (In JA). “Do you eat dog?”, “So… is your vagina diagonal (apparently bc I’m mixed, not fully Chinese)?”, “Yeah you’re definitely Asian, you have no ass”, “Oh it’s a black people thing, you wouldn’t understand…”

Now, back home most Chinese people are very very united, the families know each other and get together for important holidays or smaller activities like badminton games etc. My family was never a part of that, since my dad, though Chinese, is Rastafarian and my mom is Black. I was also very aware of the fact that I looked rather different from fully-Chinese families. And while at school I was being called “Chiney gyal” and made to feel like I wasn’t a regular Jamaican, at home I was being taught NOTHING about that side of myself. As I got older I began to deny my Chinese heritage, if only to get people to shut up about it. A small part of me was also disappointed that I wasn’t actually connected to those roots, and decided to deny them altogether.  

Anyhow, last year I moved to China to start university. I was kinda excited to come here, thinking maybe I would fit in a little better than I did back home. Boy, was I ever WRONG. Most foreigners who’ve been to China know, the locals STARE at you incessantly, like you’re some kind of zoo animal. Most are fascinated by anyone who looks so different, since their population is mostly Han people, or so I’ve read, but some of them really look down on anyone with darker skin. Anyways, I basically get called African here, I don’t even bother telling the few English speakers I’ve come across that I’m actually Jamaican and half-Chinese (funny how I wanted to clarify this time around, huh?).

As it turns out, I probably won’t be fully accepted anywhere. But realising this has made me decide that it doesn’t make me an incomplete person and that what I really need is to accept myself. It took me a while, but I’m glad I have. It’s not easy to erase the insecurities I’ve harboured over the years, but little by little I’m working on it. 

I don’t need other people assigning stereotypical characteristics to me, nor do I need validation from others to decide what race I do or do not belong to. I am both Chinese and Black and I will never deny any part of my heritage just to fit in again. 

You’ve Got A Friend In Me

Originally posted by v-writings

Prompt: hey so I really liked the previous fix of tony’s daughter being the reader and being picked on. Any chance you could write another thing similar to that but it’s that she’s new to his school and has always had trouble making friends and after the whole thing with the accords, she feels more isolated and Peter becomes her buddy?

Word Count: 922

A./N: I’m so so sorry this is so late! I’m probably going to go looking for members because I have too much going on at school to keep these coming out in a timely manner. I apologize again! I love you :) 

You adjusted your backpack on your shoulders, taking a deep breath before you pushed your way past the bodies in the crowded hallway. Needless to say, you were nervous as hell. Kids in high school weren’t always the nicest, and despite being a Stark, making friends wasn’t at all your forte. You were too introverted for your own good, and your method of making friends consisted of you waiting for an extrovert to take you under their wing. Starting at a new school a month in wasn’t helping your case either. You clutched your schedule in one hand, desperately hoping you would find your classroom before the bell rang. You were so frazzled, you didn’t; realize that someone was trying to talk to you. You looked up and were greeted by a boy, he was taller than you, with messy brown hair and a shy smile.

You didn’t say anything, so he spoke first. “Are you new? You look kind of lost.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m looking for AP bio with Woolfsen.”

Keep reading

Kiss On The Cheek

Originally posted by prussiakira

Chekov x reader

Word count: 702

Warnings: Please excuse my Russian accent I tried okay

Tags: Fluuuuuuuff

A/N: I needed some Chekov fluff today so I hope you enjoy <3


It started so suddenly that she didn’t know how to react to it. She was just reminding him to take a nap after his overly stressing shift when it happened. He was running to and fro and after she got through his frantic thoughts with her soft statement he murmured a quick “I will, thank you Y/N.” and starting walking past her. Except he stopped for a second…

…to kiss her on the cheek.

Then he proceeded as if nothing had happened. She had stood there frozen in shock, her cheek tingling and blushing red.

The second time it happened was during a much calmer time. They were walking down the hallway, chatting, when Pavel got a request from his communicator to report down to engineering. Giving her an apologetic smile, he suddenly leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek, said his goodbye and went on his merry way, as normal as ever. This time her hand shot up to touch the spot his lips had been, staring at his retreating back, completely baffled.

Before she could figure it out, it became a regular thing. Everyone noticed, besides Pavel it seemed. The Captain kept sending her suggestive looks and she was finding herself babbling excuses as soon as anyone wanted to talk to her about ‘her and Chekov’. She was pretty sure the superior officers were betting on them too. She couldn’t understand why he did it and why it seemed so normal to him. Not that she was complaining, but it was getting out of hand and her curiosity was on high.

One day as she sat on the floor of his quarters fiddling with a broken communicator, Pavel was pacing in front of her going on about a stupid mistake he did at engineering that day.

“Pav, stop that, it was nothing, I’m sure others have done worse.” She sighed.

“But ze Captain waz there! He sav it!” he stressed.

“Pav, believe me, the Captain likes you, clumsiness and all, don’t worry about it, he probably thought it was funny.” She shook her head with a smile, eyes locked on the communicator she was screwing apart.

“You really think zo?” He asked uncertainly.

“Yes! Pav, don’t worry about it, you’ve done too many great things for anyone to judge you for that.” She affirmed, shooting him a fond look.

“Thank you, Y/N, you alvays know how to calm me down.” He gave her a soft smile and bent down to her level. Her breath hitched as she saw him leaning toward her and his lips grazed the skin on her cheek. In the spur of the moment, her body clouded her judgment and took control as she shifted her face slightly to the side so his lips brushed the corner of her mouth. She felt him freeze as her heart thumped in her chest, logic trying to catch up as sensations flooded her entire being. What the hell had she just done?!

Squeezing her eyes shut, she leant back and cringed.

“I am… so, so sorry, oh my god, I just… I’m so sorry, you keep doing that and it’s so overwhelming, I couldn’t control myself… oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out, I-“ she was cut off as his soft lips brushed hers again and she gasped. For a moment they were still, breaths mingling, before hesitantly moving together. Her heart was leaping as they separated, eyes shooting open to see the sparkle in his’ brighter than ever.

“Don’t be zorry, I don’t know vhy I started doing zat but I couldn’t stop. I’m kind of glad now, though, I didn’t know you… vell, that you vanted a kiss there?” He rambled, eyes scanning her face as if checking to see if he did the right thing.

“Oh, I want kisses everywhere.” She blurted, only for her eyes to widen at her words. “I mean… you know, I wasn’t against the cheek thing, it’s just nice to have the lip thing too! I wasn’t asking for, um, god why do I talk…” She backtracked awkwardly.

“You vant kisses everywhere? I can do zat!” He gave her an adorable smirk that almost made her faint.

anonymous asked:

that finale left a bad taste in my mouth. you mentioned watching only gay/female comedy from now on -- any recs? (other than broad city, already the best show)

-Idiotsitter’s coming back on Comedy Central next month. It’s decent show solely worth watching bc Jillian bell is a comic genius and hilarious.
-Insecure with Issa Rae. SO good. Just a breath of fresh air and really funny.
-Atalanta. No gays or women leads (but they do a whole episode from glover’s gf point of view) but it’s really incredible and inventive in the way that you never really see coming.
-Check out Kate Berlant and Jon Early’s Vimeo stuff.
-Ali Wong’s stand up special on Netflix.
-Listen to 2 Dope Queens podcast.
-CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND IS THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISON. PERIOD.
-TBS search party. Ali shawkat is great and it’s incredibly funny with a mystery at the center.
-Please Like Me.
-The Mick is pretty good and probably only gonna get better from here plus you get to look at Kaitlin Olson’s face.
- Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt comes back in May.
-Grace and Frankie comes back at the end of the months. It’s not great but season 2 was pretty good and I just like watching Jane Fonda and lilly tomlin do anything plus old gays.
-Take My Wife on Seeso
-Tig Notaro’s One Mississippi on Amazon plus her stand up
-Another Period
- Aparna Nancherla’s standup
Anyone who wants to add anything please do it!

Protector (Peter Parker x Reader)

Originally posted by sincerelysaraahh

*Not my GIF*

Word Count: 2236

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*


You were picked up your textbooks and notebooks, hugging them to your chest and walked briskly out of the classroom. It had been a long and terribly boring school day, as most school days were at the end of the year. The popular guys were pissing off the teachers and talking loudly, the more fashionable girls were Snap-chatting in class, and the teachers were fed up with everyone but still sane enough to give out detention slips. You balanced your binders on your knee while trying to open your locker as quickly as possible, eager to get on the bus to go home. It was Friday, and school was ending next week, much to everyone’s relief. A text from Peter just minutes before had left you in good spirits; he asked to come over like always for a Friday night movie marathon with Michelle and Ned, set with popcorn, ice cream and junk food of every kind. Stuffing things into your backpack and slamming the locker shut, you started down the hallway. The loud chatter from other students passing you gradually got more quiet as people in the very front of the school grew deadly still and began to crowd around something, blocking the entire hall. Whispers and muttering broke out, students everywhere desperate to get to the front where pushing and shoving your small form. Suddenly, a loud, collective gasp came from somewhere in front, followed by laughter and something being banged against what could only be a locker. You huffed loudly, just wanting to get to the buses until-

“Parker, Parker, Parker…” The students in the front chanted, jeering even louder now. Your eyes widened and the breath left your lungs. You shoved people aside, ignoring their grumbles and cursing to break into the inner circle. Another loud metal bang echoed, almost drowned by the loud laughter. Charging through row after row of high schoolers, you ignored the sharp jabs to your stomach from different restless kids. Maybe it isn’t him. You think, already knowing the answer. C’mon Peter, please don’t tell me it’s you out there. Reaching the inner circle, you desperately tried to squeeze between the line of tall guys that stood in front. You duck down, finding a little crack between the wall of jocks to look though. Sure enough, Peter’s beat up sneakers were just visible as he was pushed backwards against the line of lockers.

“How’s that Parker?” Flash Thompson’s voice rang out, angry and arrogant. “Wanted to taste the floor today, didn’t ya?” You hear Peter groan loudly, probably attempting to fight back.

“Hey, leave him alone!” Ned yelled, also trying to help his friend.

“Let me handle this Ned.” Michelle warned, and you calm down a bit. Michelle could help- she was very scary when needed. “Wait ‘till I get my hands on that son of a bitch.”

“What are you going to do?” One of Flash’s friends taunted. “Bore us to death with some nerd science?” Michelle snarled, losing her cool. Poor Ned had to grab both her wrists to hold her back.

“Hey Parker,” Flash announced, lifting Peter off the ground by the hem of his t-shirt. “Why are you so annoying, eh Parker?”

“A-all I did was tell you to s-shut up.” Peter retaliated, squirming. “Not my fault you have the temper of a bull with anger issues.” Flash grabbed Peter’s hair and slammed his head against the lockers. This made anger boiled in you like hot lava, making your head fill with thoughts of how to brutally murder Flash. You pushed even harder against the blockade Flash’s friends made, only managing to kick them in the heel. Fuck that. You think, absolutely enraged. The teachers just had to be in a meeting right now.

“Puny Parker,” Flash teased, cruel and unforgiving. “No wonder you hang out with the losers. D’you really think the Liz Allan would go out with you? Good thing you gave up on that, right? How does it feel to be such an epic loser that you hang around them!” He pointed to Ned restraining Michelle.

“And that other weird girl, what’s her name?” Flash asks. “Bet she only hangs around you ‘cuz she feels sorry for your ugly ass!”

“Leave them out of this! Leave her alone!” Peter yells, swinging his arms to punch Flash.

“Aww, does Puny Parker have a new crush?” Flash cooed, fake pouting. “Gonna go home and cry to your aunt and uncle? Oh wait-you can’t ‘cuz your uncle’s dead. Probably killed himself when he saw what a little bitch he had as a nephew-”

“ENOUGH!” You roared, finally forcing your way past Flash’s ogre friends. Stomping over to him, you let the backpack fall to the floor with a ‘thud’. The students became silent, watching the scene that was unraveling before them. Flash was so shocked he dropped Peter, who slumped against the lockers. You rush to him and drop to your knees, taking his face in your hands and inspecting it. Peter mumbled something about being fine, but his bleeding lip and bruised cheek said otherwise.

“You’ll be alright Peter.” You soothed, wiping the hair from his forehead. “Can you breathe okay? Not going to pass out, right?” He nodded weakly, face growing pink from embarrassment upon realizing that everyone was watching them.

“Okay-umm…” You glance at Ned and Michelle, then help Peter up, slinging his arm around your shoulder. “Y-you’re going to be okay. I’ll make it okay.”

Limping Peter over, you slip his arm off your shoulder and let Ned hold him up. “Take him to the storage closet.” You plead. “Stay there-I’ll be there in a bit.” Michelle nods solemnly and begins to shout at people to make a path. You slowly turn to Flash, a new fire in your eyes.

“What gave you the right?” You ask quietly, your voice a dangerous calm. “What gave you the right to treat him like that Flash?”

“Hey shorty, don’t start.” Flash says, smirking down at you. “Don’t even pretend you can hurt me.”

“Maybe I can’t hurt you, although rest assured that I really, really want to.” You hiss spitefully. “You envy Peter, don’t you?” Flash’s grin slips off of his face and he growls, cracking his knuckles.

You continue, not intimidated by his actions. “You envy Peter because he’s smart enough to be a damn nuclear physicist,” Your voice is rising steadily, reaching the point of near shouting. “And the only job you’ll ever get is serving food at FUCKING MCDONALDS!” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you calm down a bit, feeling about ready to physically explode.

Flash steps closer to you, his red face looking down at you menacingly. “Are you threatening me, you little-”

You cut him off almost immediately, standing on your toes to seem taller. “Am I threatening the great Flash Thompson?” You announce sarcastically. “Hell yeah I am. Don’t think I didn’t see the S.O.L. cheat paper in your backpack. Y’know how much trouble that can get you in? Forget detention, dumb-ass. That’s worth expulsion from school.” Flash paled visibly, stepping back from you.

“You wouldn’t-”

“Oh yes, I would!” You snapped, flailing your arms around wildly. “I can have you expelled faster than you can say your own name. So how about-” You walk up to him and jab an accusing finger at his chest.

“You leave Peter, Ned and Michelle alone-” You poke him a bit harder, taking another step forward. “Stop being such an asshole-” Another sharp prod to his chest.

“And if you ever hurt Peter again, I’ll make the rest of your high school years a living hell!” You shout, pushing Flash back forcefully. Then, picking up your backpack and spinning around on your heel, you stomp away, leaving the stunned highschoolers behind.

The hallways are a blur as you break into a run, sprinting to the famous storage closet that is often used as a hideout or meeting place. You skidded to a halt at the familiar grey plaque on the wall that read “Room 201: Storage”. It takes three quick knocks, a pause, and another two for Ned to open the locked door. You dart inside and take in the sight before you. Peter looked nothing short of terrible; his lip was still bleeding profusely and there was a nice sized cut on his head that made the hair stick to his forehead, staining it a dark red. It hurt you how utterly defeated he was. Remind me to kill Flash later. You think scathingly. Michelle elbows Ned in the side and stares pointedly at the door. When Ned gives her a confused look in return, she rolls her eyes and pushed him out of the storage closet, giving you a hopeful smile before shutting the door.

“Why didn’t you clean up?” You ask, keeping your voice calm.

“I was waiting for you to come.” Peter murmured faintly.

“Peter…” You trailed off, picking a roll of paper towels off a shelf.

“It’s pathetic, I know.” He said, hugging his knees to his chest. “Maybe-maybe you shouldn’t hang around me… You’ll just become another target for Flash.”

“Peter, you’re the smartest person I know…” You start, crumpling a paper towel into a ball. “-So why are you being such a dumb-ass?” Peter looks up, surprised at the change of tone.

“…What?”

“You heard me. Stop being stupid.” You dab gently at his forehead with the ball of paper towels, seeing him wince at every touch. “How could I ever want to stop being around you, hmm? You’re a freaking awesome guy, smarter than anyone else I know. You’re kind and funny and fucking amazing, okay? And Flash won’t even come near us any more unless he wants to be kicked out of school.”

Peter chuckled slightly. “Knowing how you get when angry he probably pissed his pants. Twice.”

“Don’t dodge the topic.” You said coolly, throwing the bloody towel away and getting a new one. “Why do you think you’re not enough? Why don’t you understand how much I-”

“Because-because I don’t know!” Peter said exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in defeat. He was trying to keep it together but the way his voice cracked when he spoke told you how he really was. “You’re you, and I’m just me! How could I possibly be enough for someone like you, huh? Spider-man is the hero, he’s the one who saves people and climbs walls! I’m Peter fucking Parker, the loser who couldn’t even save his-”

You wrap your arms around him, effectively shutting him up. Both of you stay still for a while and you refuse to let him go until his breathing evens out. After hours, or maybe just seconds, Peter sighs in content against your hair, slumping into your body and relaxing. Your hand weaves through his brown locks, gently tugging and pulling, making him whimper softly.

Before you could even think what you were doing, you pulled away for a second and brushed your lips against his jawline ever so lightly. Peter froze and his heart rate began to speed up again.

“Spider-man is great, really he is. But Spider-man’s no Peter Parker.” You say in a rushed whisper, placing his head on your shoulder. “Peter Parker is this fantastically nerdy guy with endless science jokes and big geek glasses and-and he never fails to make his friends laugh, and he may just be the dictionary definition of perfect! That’s how you are, Peter. Just a big ball of freaking adorable dorkiness and it should never be any other way.”

You could feel Peter smile against your shoulder, rubbing his nose against the fabric of your shirt.

“You’re amazing too y’know.” Came Peter’s muffled reply. He moved his head to speak clearly. “You scared Flash Thompson. That’s worth at least a Nobel Prize, being that bad-ass. And you’re better at science than me.”

“Wow Peter, no big speech for me?” You say, laughing slightly. “Fine then. We’re both pretty impressive, huh?”

Peter dug his face back into your shirt and hummed.

“D’you want to go to your place and just chill for awhile?” You ask hesitantly, scared he would freak out over the kiss and say no. Peter beamed brightly and nodded.

“Sure. Stay the night?” He replied, feeling a lot better now. The iPod in your pocket dinged and you saw a text from Michelle explaining that she and Ned were going to skip movie night just this once. You rolled your eyes at the wink emoji that she kept sending.

“Obviously.”


If anyone were to walk into the living room of the Parker residence at about 11:30 p.m., they would have seen a girl and a boy asleep soundly on the couch, the TV still playing old episodes of Teen Wolf. The two teens were, of course, a hopeless mess of tangled bodies. Both your hands were entwined in Peter’s hair and one leg was thrown over his hip while his arms were wrapped around your waist, his head against your chest, pulling you closer. At around 12:45 a.m. Peter’s hands would move lower to a less innocent place on your body and by 2:20 a.m. you had both rolled over so that you were now on top of him, your head in the crook of his neck. At 4:30 a.m. you sighed in your sleep, peaceful and happy.

anonymous asked:

so, funny story.... I started playing Mystic Messenger... Ended up on Zen's route.... and now I find I cant move on to a new play through?!?!? Like, I want to?!?!? But Ive become too loyal to him to move on?!?! How?!?!

“Argh! Why are you so adorable?  I swear if you get any cuter I don’t think I could control myself and…ahem! Jagiya, it doesn’t matter which route you choose in life, you’ll always have me in your heart and I’ll have you in mine.  You probably won’t find anyone as perfect and beautiful as me, but I’m the lucky one for having you in my life even if it was for a short while.  Here’s a selfie just for you!” 

“Saranghae”

…..

Please excuse RFA Host Zen. Now for the serious reply!  First and foremost: OMIGOSH I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL!!! Zen was my first route too but dont tell him that we dont need the increased narcissism

There is really no easy way to get over ‘first route blues’ and that feeling of betraying your love v__v  Perhaps you could try not playing for a few days or so? OR you could change your in-game name? (i did this). That way you trick your feelings and conscience into thinking that you’re a different person for this route, and the other person is still with the character whose route you completed~ :D I’m not gonna lie its still hard not to get their hearts in chats T__T  What also made me feel better is replaying my fav characters route after completing all the rest~  I do hope you feel better! All mm fans know this feeling so you’re not alone!   Feel free to chat with Zen here anytime you want!

 Admin Nana.

isak + even fanfic rec

because finding ones i like is actually hard so i’m gonna put some of them here there are probably more but it’s 2am and i don’t even know why i’m doing this rn

oneshot

help a brother out (magnus asks isak a qustion about even tbh this one is just funny)

soft ( isak is the softest boy even knows. lets be real isak the softest boy anyone will ever know)

would you mind closing the bedroom door? (i love me some miscommunication)

sideways and slantways (neighbors au + one of those really long oneshots that i love with all my hear tbh all oneshots should be over 10k+ i don’t make the rules)

open the pod bay doors ( they fall in love over a story of parallel universes. literally. it’s amazing.)

true of false (childhood friends au)

watched the lanterns tilt (even is depressed and isak is soft)

you’re intertwining your soul with somebody else (roomates au)

the moments in between (moments between O Helga Natt and Passe på meg.)

baby, if you’re gonna be lonely, be lonely with me (isak and even being the cutest boyfriends ever)

heaven help a fool who falls in love (isak is scared of spiders and even comes to the rescue like i said cutest.boyfriends.ever.)

won’t you be my livewire (isak and even being idiots. that’s it.)

the hot muffin thief (even steals (buys) the last muffin)

multichapter

in better light, everything changes (isak accidentally texts a stranger (even) while trying to text sana.)

would it be a sin if i can’t help falling in love with you? (it’s a fake/pretend relationship fanfic which are of course the best kind of fanfics)

head over heels (they meet at a skate park)

i guess that’s destiny doing it right (isak.even.barcelona.honestly just read it they are lame and in love)

possibly (maybe) i’m falling for you (coffee shop au)

don’t you keep it all to yourself (another coffee shop au they are cute okay)

wip

with love, from anonymous ( isak just wants to get his coffee in peace, even has a crush, and there’s a secret admirer on the loose. first it’s cute af then angsty af everything a fic needs)

i hate your face, it makes my heart skip a beat (isak hates even (yeah right) and even is trying to help him not fail history)

it comes in waves (okay i didn’t read this one yet bc i just found it but mermaid!isak what could be better)

Me: Ok but does anyone else find it really funny how Mendel “biBliCaL tiMeS” Weisenbachfeld goes from talking about biblical brothers in act 1 to telling Trina that religion is just a trap 2 years later? Maybe he was just talking about biblical times during the proposal as a joke or for metaphorical purposes but I just think it’s really interesting seeing his attitude change like that. The way he talks about being Jewish in Four Jews suggests he probably grew up fairly religious so perhaps he never agreed with the religion he was forced to practice and the way he talked about the bible in A Marriage Proposal was just mocking it??? I don’t know but Mendel is such a complex character and I wish he wasn’t just reduced to the “cinnamon roll” that a lot of fans like to call him and people actually acknowledged the different aspects of his personality

Taxi driver: Yeah man I agree