this is possibly one of my favorite things

Fic Recs

Disclaimer: this is not ranked because all of these fics equally hold a large amount of place in my heart.

1.) fixated on one star  by alivingfire
* THIS IS ABSOLUTELY MY FAVORITE!!! It’s because it’s in space and because there is this forbidden love thing going on. I absolutely love the names here and the quotes. You’ll love it, I swear (plus there is side ziall and it gives me life)


2.) these bountiful silences  by tommoandbambi
* This fic fucked me up for days and it hurts me in so much ways possible. It’s dystopian so if you don’t like that, I suggest you still read it because IT’S GREAT but WARNING: you should emotionally and mentally prepare before reading this. This is still so incredibly amazing and i really, really want you to read it ( also has side ziall)


3.) elysian  by wonderlou
* THIS IS GREAT GREAT GREAT and it gives so much more depth into the normal beauty and the beast story and it also gives me life. Everything here is perfect and yall should read it.

4.) we’re afire love  by rosemeetsdagger
* This also amazing and so very fluffy. It’ll make you cry of joyful, gay tears. Plus the smut here is great! This is the H-E- double hockey sticks fic that completed me.


5.) escapade  by dolce_piccante
* i cant eloquently word out how i feel about this fic but this filled every void that is in me. The fluff was amazing! The smut was wonderful and I might have read it more than once. I might also have made fanart based on this. (Hipster ziall that also gave me life)


6.) orange canvas  by aclosetlarryshipper
* This is so fluffyyyy and greaaat! Liam, Niall, and Zayn are the best friends you wished you have and its in Mexico. What could possibly go wrong?


7.) another hazy may  by deLILAh
* THIS BROKE ME AND MADE ME AT THE SAME TIME. Because first, soldier!harry HELLO? THIS IS SO FLUFFY I TELL YOU .


8.) til i tasted you by kiwikero
* This is also very cute and fluffy and I relate to Louis so much on the obsession level and the cooking skills (or lack of) the ending is cute it made me blush augh. I love it.


9.) like a boomerang  by youwill
* The plot here is so complex and it lowkey ruined me but in the greatest possible way. You can never have too much larry. This so good I swear.


10.) touch me with your alien dick  by tvfeels
* the title is self explanatory. It does have fluff too underneath the smutty facade of the title I promise.


11.) A gold and green halloween by Tita
* one, harry potter. Two, draco malfoy. Three, halloween. Four, Larry as drarry. Need i say more?


12.) forelsket  by kosmicgirl
* THIS IS SO CUTE AND GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND I AM ZAYN ON SO MUCH LEVELS SO U SHOULD READ IT TOO HAHA


13.) torn on the platform  by Conscious_ramblings
* I need a Louis to my Harry and this made me want one so baaad. I wish I could meet someone in the train like this and I hope you do too so this is for you.


14.) flowers in your hair  by Ghostie09
* again, zayn, niall, and liam are the besties you wished you have, harry owns a bat and its wonderful and beautiful.


15.) chances over the purple sunrise by loupancake
* this made me believe in mermaids, believe it or not. So if you think that mermaids don’t exist, this i think will change your mind.


16.) orange you glad i stole your heart by nauticalleads (metamorphosis)
* HARRY IS A PUNNY PIECE OF SHIT AND LOUIS LOVES HIM FOR THAT


17.) Faking it  by TheCellarDoor
* THE FLUFF! THE SMUT! DO I NEED TO SAY MORE BC ITS TOO MUCH


18.) i’ll blend up that rainbow above you  DamnGay4Louis
* i want to be Louis’ child. This is too cute. Imagine larry’s cuteness. Now add a smol and adorable toddler. Exactly.


19.) Oh Glory  by alivingfire
* THIS IS AMAZING AND SO FLUFFY AND FLUFFY AND FLUFFY. Is louis that flexible?


20.) Give me truths by iwillpaintasongforlou
* I really need a Louis in my life and this makes me more desperate to find a Louis. It’s so cute and overloaded with fluff and it hurt me and completed me and it made me gayer than a rainbow

21.) One To Make Your Heart Remember Me  by larrysrainbow (yours truly)

* Hello friends! I am shamelessly promoting my new fic haha. I hope you love it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

One of my favorite phrases my Creative Writing professor had for when you’re writing fantasy is ‘giving your story a Flux Capacitor’.

Because it’s not real, it doesn’t exist. But the way it’s thrown into Back to the Future, at no point does it throw the audience off or suspend any more disbelief than time travel would. You believe Doc when he says he created the Flux Capacitor - the thing that makes time travel possible, because the universe never questions him. 

So it essentially means like, there are going to be elements to your universe that are just not gonna make any sense, even if you set up a whole system based on it. And the only way to make it work is completely own it. You cannot second-guess your system or else the reader will too. You can give it the strangest explanation, but write it like you own it.  

scutellatebooted  asked:

Hi Doc! Love reading your blog, I found you first through the Lucifer story (reminded me of a friend of mine actually) and then again through your mermaid post and have been hanging around ever since. I looked thru your archive but didn't find this question so hopefully it hasn't been asked before: what is it about horse anatomy that makes their legs so (seemingly) fragile? You'd think being as big as they are, they'd be more all-around solid. Thanks for reading, have a good one!

The horse, Equus caballus, is one of my favorite arguments against Intelligent Design. I’ve spoken before about why I no longer see them, but even as a student I would wonder why and how this species existed when there were apparently so many things that could go wrong with its own anatomy, especially next to something tough like a trusty cow.

I don’t know how it’s possible to believe in a benevolent, loving, wise creator when creatures like the horse come to exist.

So I’m going to use your question as an excuse to write a post that had been on my mind for a while:

Things That Are Wrong With Horses

The basic structure of a horse has a few significant design flaws.

  1. Cannot vomit. This means that anything which would make another species sick enough to vomit results in a horse getting s distended stomach and colic, where the stomach can rupture and the horse can die. Also means symptoms of illness are hidden longer
  2. The large bowel (hind gut) of the horse is fricking huge, but can actually displace itself and bend around the wrong way, resulting in obstruction, colic and death without surgical intervention. This can commonly happen after exertion (splenic contraction) and giving birth. Colic due to nephrosplenic entrapment is particularly common after the horse has an adrenaline release, which causes the spleen to temporarily contract, and this seems like a poor design to risk death every time you spook or go for a fast run, especially in a species known for spooking and running fast.
  3. Giving birth is a fast and explosive affair in the horse. The whole pushing business should be over and  done with in about 20 minutes, however this assumes that everything is lined up just right for a normal delivery. Foals are all long legs and necks, which are easy to get tangled or bent around the wrong way. A mare is strong enough to push her foal’s feet through her uterine wall, which is death all round.
  4. Speaking of strength, sometimes horses will kick each other when they have attitude, and they can do so with enough strength to rupture each other’s spleens.
  5. When galloping most horses, best studied in thoroughbreds because they are made to gallop on a regular basis, horses routinely bash their diaphragm with such force against their liver that their liver bruises.
  6. Galloping also often makes their lungs bleed. That’s why racehorses have their head held up after a race, so you don’t see any blood come out their nose and disqualify them. Even horses that you don’t see bleed have evidence of pulmonary bleeding after a gallop if you scope them.
  7. Their leg bones are actually pretty damn tough, but the ends are spindly little things compared to the mass of musculature up top. Their legs are subjected to huge biomechanical forces when a horse runs which can often subject them to ligament damage and lameness. A fractured leg bone can heal like any other, but if a horse can’t bear weight evenly on all four legs for an extended period of time (eg after a fracture) then they are at risk of laminitis.
  8. Laminitis can cause the hoof to slough off. (Aaargh!) They can also get laminitis from eating a bit too well.
  9. Speaking of eating, they can also get colic (and risk death) from eating not enough fiber or the wrong sort of plants or from eating too much dirt.
  10. Oh, and just to mess with you, horses have a space in their head called a guttural pouch which seems to exist for no other reason as far as I can tell (okay, maybe it’s about heat regulation) other than to get fungal infections that eat through the exposed artery and cause the horse to die from blood loss through it’s nose.

And Bonus: Exquisite sensitivity to tetanus and vulnerability to Hendravirus

This list is by no means complete. I haven’t even touched on their anesthetics or drug reactions, but it’s a simple start.

And another.

Artemis and Holly’s relationship is one of my favorite things about the book series. Whether you ship them or not (I myself am on the fence), they changed each others’ lives. Holly, especially, transformed Artemis from a villain to a sacrificial hero, and he is exceedingly grateful to her for that.

I love that they are so openly affectionate without being in a romantic relationship. I love that Artemis acknowledges the possibility that he could be attracted to her, but he isn’t “friendzoned.” He recognizes being her friend as the gift it is, and vice versa. Holly keeps Artemis in his place, but she’d do anything to protect him. She loves him (in the familial, friend, agape sense), even though he doesn’t deserve it.

Their canon relationship is beautiful, and I love drawing it.

Mrs. Baker is so underrated she’s honestly probably one of my favorite characters. you really see her change from the past episodes to the present episodes. she’s so happy and she’s glowing but after her daughter dies not only her personality but her appearance goes to shit. she’s been through quite possibly the worst thing any parent could ever go through; finding your own son or daughter dead after they killed themselves. now all she’s gonna be thinking the rest of her life is what did i do wrong. hannah’s parents honestly deserved so much more then they got.

K’s Sterek Starter Kit

We heard there are new people still coming! Poor souls, that’s gonna be a painful journey, but trust me, I would not change it for anything else!

This list is my personal STEREK STARTER KIT/STEREK MUST READ LIST, so I hope you will enjoy it! (most of the links are to our recs, where you can find more details and notes ;))

The first thing I always recommend new people in fandom is Important Things by suzvoy (which was my first Sterek fic and I love it to bits and pieces) and it works like a charm every time!

Then you just have to read (Sacred) In the Ordinary by idyll because of reasons.

Best Harry Potter AU every fandom needs? I’m sure you will just love Untamed by rosepetals42.

The happy making ones you can read over and over again:

This is not even a fic, but you have to see it - Needs More Sparkly Pens by mm_coconut

Some more serious fics, which I love forever:

The one that will make you love Allison, if you don’t already - You Know What I Mean by stilinskisparkles

And this one make you love Peter for sure - The More Things Change by KouriArashi

The original ones with amazing plots:

Keep reading

Just some fic recs...

I’ve read a lot of really good fic this year and I just thought the best of the best deserved some recognition.  I tried to weed out the super popular fics, but some still show up because I love them that much.  Also, the ships are numerous and varied.

Running on Air–eleventy7; Drarry
Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.
*I would murder people to protect this fic.  It’s beautifully written, well-plotted, original, and it reuses certain sentences, making them more poignant the later in the story they’re used.  Like, fuck me up*

the ghost of you–kissmesexybatman; Klance
When Keith goes missing without a trace, all his family and friends are able to do is move on with their lives. When he shows back up after a year, they have to convince him they still want him back.
*I may be slightly biased because the coolest person in the world wrote this, but let me tell you, it’s emotionally heartwrenching, wonderfully written, and gives you a happy ending without sacrificing the needs of the characters*

My soul is an empty carousel at sunset.–dawnstruck; Otayuri
Yuri grows up and grows older and grows into himself. Otabek helps. It just takes a while to get there.
*I’m demi and this fic described exactly what that experience has been like for me, as it features a demi!Yuri.  Beyond that, it was sweet and genuine and I adored it*

Keep reading

punkinholler  asked:

I've recently been re-reading the Toby Daye books and I wanted to thank you for the eternal joy that is Dianda Lorden. She is quite possibly my favorite minor character ever invented and I give a cheer whenever she shows up in a new Toby book.

Dianda Lorden is the best and I will fight anyone who says she isn’t.  Well.  No, I won’t, but she totally would.

She is also married to the only character with an official “do not kill” on file, because Patrick is the only thing keeping her from beating the shit out of the rest of the Toby ‘verse, and no one wants to deal with that.  Like, the plot would be 10,000% derailed by Dianda Punches Everything In A Fit Of Rage.

i think one of my favorite things about hxh is leorio in contrast to everyone else on the show

like theres the whole “yes i sensed him from 20000 km away” and “i can lift 10000 kg” and all that anime ridiculousness 

and then there’s leorio, who is just a regular guy dropped into an anime, thinking how the fuck am i supposed to do that that’s not even possible who are these people

Multi-chapter fics need love

Attention everyone.

The more chapters a fic has, the MORE YOU NEED TO COMMENT. 

I’m looking at all these fics with lots of kudos, lots of hits, lots of subscriptions I’m sure, and then *crickets* at an update. IF THERE ARE SAY 100 PEOPLE SUBSCRIBED, WHY ARE THERE ONLY TWO COMMENTS?? Let’s say only 10% of the people still read it. That’s ten comments that should be there. 

Too shy or worried or blah to comment? Here’s some copypastes for you:

  • I love this chapter so much.
  • I love reading this fic.
  • I think about this fic a lot.
  • It makes me happy when I see there is an update. 
  • This story is so intense and well-written.
  • I’ve been following since the beginning and it’s better than I imagined.
  • I’ve fallen in love with your characterization.
  • *quote your favorite part* This is my favorite! 
  • This fic made me think about a lot of things. 
  • I’ve learned some things about myself reading this story.
  • This is my favorite fic of all time. 
  • I reread this all the time. 
  • *incoherent screaming*
  • This is absolutely delectable and I love it. 

Use one! Use all! There are endless possibilities! Don’t feel pressured to write an essay. Just say that you are still here and you’re happy! 

It would be preferable for you not to say 

  • Can’t wait for the next chapter!

It’s ok when combined with other things, but if that’s all you say…..? We’re looking for love on the hard work we just posted

When you post your first chapter/oneshot, you worry: “Is anyone reading it? Does anyone like it? PLease someone, anyone!?” and you wait for people to come into your space. 

When you post your Xth chapter, you already know that people are reading it, there’s already a crowd gathered. Even if it’s only a few people, you know that they are there. “Does no one like it? What’s going on? What happened? Everyone loved it before?? I thought?? Did I mess up?”

NOT COMMENTING ON A MULTI-CHAPTER FIC IS LIKE GOING TO THE THEATRE AND NOT CLAPPING BETWEEN SCENES. LIKE THERE IS NO APPLAUSE AT INTERMISSION. 

Love your author. They need it. 

possibly one of my least favorite things about being a lesbian is that im going to know and be with and love so few people. im going to be so isolated. im not gonna have casual hookups, im not gonna get many chances to explore my sexuality and romanticism, im not gonna really Date, im not gonna have a network of friends and l*vers and etcetera like most people would. there are so few lesbians in the world that im not going to be able to have a social or romantic or sexual life that isnt just grabbing onto whoever and whatever i can get.

Do you like Killing Stalking? Then read these!

I promise this is a 99.99% KS content blog, but I want to take a moment to gush about my favorites in the psychological/horror genre (some which might be even more fucked up than KS even).

1. DEAD TUBE (ongoing)
This is one of my all-time favorite ongoing manga. It. Is. BLOODY. There’s gore everywhere and there’s always someone losing some limbs or dying. 
There’s this site called… you guessed it: Dead Tube. It’s like Youtube or Vine but about a million times ‘WTF’. The aim is to create videos that will shock as many people as possible. People will murder, torture, do sexual acts, take unsolicited videos of other people, and pretty much do every single fucked up thing imaginable on the list. Once you’re trapped in the game you can’t get out. If your videos don’t get many views, you get killed. Every single character in the manga is batshit crazy. There’s extreme violence, gore, and nudity every chapter. KS is probably ten times tamer, so if it’s your limit, I suggest you at least tread lightly at first. (NSFW pictures under cut). 

Keep reading

how to write a fat character

by: your local fat writer 

media seems to do such a terrible job at representing people like me and same goes for many fic writers who try to base their characters on these characters shown in media. Here are some basic do’s and and don’t’s to writing fat characters! 

DONT:

  • make your character in love with food- they’re allowed to eat like everyone else, but not every real fat person has an obsession over food. The rule can get iffy if your fat character is a cook.*
  • make your character the center of jokes- everyone has something “funny” about them, but don’t make your fat character constantly make jokes about their own weight. Fat people get enough bullshit from skinny people about their weight already. 
  • make your character incredibly unfit- there are real fat people who are incredibly athletic! their weight may be from genetics or from proper muscle building (not the muscle building we’re groomed to think is right in society). The choices your character makes is what affects their athleticism, not their weight 
  • make your character the Depressed One- yes, fat people do get upset over their body. Many go through horrible diets to try and get slim. It takes years for real fat people to get over it and realize their body is horrible gross. Their weight can simply be because of genetics, not because of how much they eat. 
  • make your character’s arc about things involving their weight- unless your fat character ABSOLUTELY needs to involve food, don’t make this their entire character arc. There are so many cooler things you can do with your character; sexuality, friends/family, simplifying the heroes journey, etc. make your character exciting! make them relatable! 
  • make your character the token fat character- the real world has many types of people, the fantasy world should not be too different from this fact. Your characters should always show diversity, and sometimes repetition is good when its the right character type. 

*making your fat character a chef can be a risky move. think about why your fat character is a chef. was it because they’re the fat character? or is there something that influenced them to become a chef? choose your answer carefully

DO:

  • make your character’s interests diverse- I like food! but i also like many other things! video games, bike riding, painting, singing, give your character varying interests! maybe your character has that one thing they love above all else. the game Fire Emblem: Awakening has always been my go-to favorite thing, what’s your character’s?
  • make your character an individual- develop their personality! how would your character react to seeing the ASPCA commercials? What’s their reaction when a family member dies? When their favorite artist is performing in town? Are there songs that make them emotional? What do they do to de-stress? Do they stim? There’s PLENTY you can say about your character that isn’t just “I love food.”
  • make your character as realistic as possible- just as skinny people are diverse, so are fat people. When you’re describing a fat character, don’t default to “pear shaped.” there are proportionate and disproportionate fat people. maybe they have fatter thighs than they do calves, their stomach pops out but they don’t have “bingo wings,” maybe their chin does that weird thing or maybe it doesn’t (this happens to skinny people, too!). and don’t forget stretch marks. they are real and they are not “taboo.”
  • write your character as if they’re like any other- it all boils down to one thing: the similarities and differences. I’m an XL and my friend is an XS, we both enjoy oversized hoodies! She would wear hoodies in the summer but I would rather walk around shirtless (if society didn’t tell us boobs are bad.) I would never wear short shorts when exercising because they ride up my thighs. Your fat character can act just the same as your skinny one(s).

anonymous asked:

Can we some more of your processes in your more recent works? :0 Also, how clean do you usually make your sketch/lines before you start painting? Thank you! <3 ;;

No problem! Here is my process for the ravus picture I recently posted :) Breakdown:

1. Sketch: This is normally how my sketches will look like; thin lines (because it doesn’t obstruct the actual painting when I lower opacity, and I like thin lines) but clear enough so my color will have a good foundation to base upon. I don’t tend to linger on the sketch with the intention to make it as neat as possible; it’s more of a liberal hand that would be applied to my sketches, but controlled so there isn’t any unnecessary scribbling that might inhibit my comprehension of the piece. 

2. Rough Color: I did have a rough idea of the palette I wanted to have: purple, thus every color that would end up in the piece would eventually harmonize with the purple. Lesser yellow, stronger blues, that sort of thing.

3. More stuff added

4. Here is where I turned off the sketch layer! One of my more favorite parts of the process :) Now it feels like I’ve got mostly everything out that I needed to, and all that is left to do is to paint without the lines.

5. Neatened up the background. The line is a placeholder for the sword

6. Still going! 

7. Looks like here I had changed up the folds in the clothing

8. And this seems to be the last screenshot I took.. 

But that’s basically how it goes! I hope you find this informing! Thank you for messaging :)

•A JOURNAL ENTRY: WHAT IS IT REALLY LIKE TO LIVE WITH DEPRESSION?•

i wouldn’t exactly call it living. more like surviving… i look at the environment surrounding me, memories lie tattered in my brain. a life i want to believe was once so full and fruitful has become unthinkably dull. my own eyes were once baby blue but have since faded to an iridescently eerie gray. im hurting. it hurts. im not lying.

i would tell you that you don;t understand- but i;ve begin to notice that everything can only be interpreted in relation to other things or feelings. and this is the only thing ive come to recall feeling. this ethereal delicate coldness within my core, shaking and rattling my bones, consuming my every feeling of functionality. im clearly broken beyond repair- yet i aimlessly crave fixture.

i am light with awful lightness. my blood is mud and my bones are brittle. my thoughts freely cascade within my mind, setting fire to all of my precious sensibilities . any meager ration of purpose and hope is replaced by these fucking reminders that i am truly and entirely 113% alone in this.

at one point, i wanted help. i went to therapy once a week- on bad weeks i went twice. i convinced myself that the glass was half full. i made the most out of everything- and in the process, i made a fool of myself.

i spoke out. i cried for help. i wrote it in books, on forums, i would have carved the words “help me” into my damn skin on my damn forehead if i thought for one minute that anybody was listening.

and i know you’re listening if you’re reading this. but are you really reading this? are you reading me? can you feel the pain in the tips of my fingers, in the ends of my hair, in the blood in my veins, in the staggering cry of my voice at 2 in the morning- an ugly face soaked in the tears resulting from years of utter and complete destruction and then desertion of every little thing i feel?

can you feel my pain?

can you imagine trying to fall asleep when there are actual fucking faceless voices in between your ears jabbering an unimaginably taunting cry? whispering demented nonsense into your ears nonstop after you beg and plead with yourself to quit hearing those damn voices. your mind races like it’s been training all its life and this is the moment it has all led up to: the olympic event of self destruction. and it’s taking home the gold.

i close my eyes and i am so unbelievably tired. staying alive is a fight and today it has beat
me to a pulp. my eyes have bags as big as my regrets and my face is tired from
pretending to light up with joy all day.

jesus christ, it’s my junior year and i’m graduating in less than a year. surely there is one thing to even half way grin about. no, you are wrong. because for every good little thing that happens- every time it seems like it’s getting better, every false sense of hope, for every good thing, there is depression.

my false sense of hope has found its home. depression is a polite host to every single good
feeling in my body. depression feeds me, it cleans me, it loves me, it speaks to me, it knows me.

depression wants to stay forever. it houses in my bones, it feeds on my fears, it gets high on my anxiety, it exchanges hope for hopelessness, it thrives on my insecurities, and depressions favorite thing to do is to keep me up on nights like tonight, where i’m at my worst.

i’m scared, truly. i used to be obsessed with the seasons- more importantly, the transition of one season to anther. perhaps i used to be so fond of change because change was actually a possibility at that point in my life.

winter turning into spring was my favorite. i would lay on the dead, crunchy, brown remnants of the grass, the air around me crisp and cold, stabbing my lungs with every swift,
sharp breath. my nose rosy and cold, sniffling along every chill within my body. bare branches of tall oak trees
stretched into the white winter sky, seemingly reaching for the sunlight the tree craved and needed, as my pale, cold, minuscule hands clutched at the dry, barren earth beneath me- fumbling for more meaning of the world around me. why must seasons change, but my heart always feels the same?

you see, i resonate so very deeply with the winter months. gardens and patches of land that were once beaming with flora and fauna, life and expounding sunlight and warmth, now lay isolated, empty, sterile- similar to the child in me that once was jubilant and lively, but now turned into some thing so cold and ugly. the innocence has beend lost and the happiness within me has since been destroyed by the monster within me, which claims not only me as a victim, but those around me who love and care about me

i only know that i am loved and cared for because i’m continuously and perpetually told this upon a daily basis. it has become very prevalent to me that people feel much better about me when i validate that i know that they are here to talk and that i am loved. yes, i know this. but i cannot feel it. the love that you have for me is, in the least offensive way possible, absolutely irrelevant to my entire being.

you could listen to me rant for days upon weeks, you could read this bible that i’m typing. but i can never seem to make the people around me realize that i am never going to truly accept the love they offer me.

i often wonder if it is true love that inspires people to be there for those with depression- or if those surrounding me simply feel compelled to profess their love and support to me because they see my approval and wellbeing as a direct reflection of their credibility as a friend or family member.

i feel as if i am a burden to those around me, simply harshening the seemingly good mood that literally everyone else but me is capable of partaking in. i want to run with wild horses, frolic among wild flowers, hear the laughter of a child, hold hands with someone i love, and entertain deeply fulfilling and life changing relationships- but you see, the way my life is set up- i am actually emotionally incapable of doing so!

i am most aware of my unfortunate illness and incapability to be happy in the most unexpected and irrational times. take birthday parties, for instance. celebration and good vibes fill the air around me, seeping into my black, pitiful lungs. everyone around me smiles and sings, drowning in their jubilation, as i sit and watch. i want to have fun. please believe me. i want to sing happy birthday. i want to watch you open your gifts. i want to be as happy as you. i want to feel the warmth in my cheeks as i have the time of my life with my friends. but some thing within me compresses each and every slither of joy i am capable of feeling. i am suffocated by the downfall of my emotions and i am blinded by the reminder that depression doesn’t take breaks, not even at birthday parties. depression is strongest whenever you are faced with situations that expose you to the reality that you’re the odd one out- you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. you’re moping and you’re constantly staring out into space. what are you even looking at? what do you have to think about? you have nothing to live for, so anything beyond what’s right in front of you has no relevance in this whole scheme of life. so take it or leave it. you should be enjoying this birthday party. all the other kids are happy. you should be too. you’re lucky you even left the house today. so lucky. had you stayed home, you would have been 100% alone with your thoughts, rather than 97% along with your thoughts, due to the constant interruption of your moping and resentment by peers and parents and teachers asking “is everything okay?”

habitually, you nod. yes. everything is fine. i’m doing well, thank you. but what is the meaning of life? why do i feel like there’s a big fat man sitting on my chest and stomach and heart all the time? why do i always feel like i’m the only one in the room holding back tears trying not to cry? why are the other kids so happy? am i missing out on some thing? why do i feel so sad? why is it that every time i’m surrounded by people who say they love and care for me, i feel as if i’ve never been more alone before in my life? why? do you pity me? it’s just who i am. is that weird?

and oh my god i was always so desperate to be different. perhaps it was just the way my personality was set up. and i was always fairly extroverted. but it was presumably a persona that i put on. hey world, look at me. i’m silly and creative and ill say things that nobody else would say. pay attention to me, look at me.

because i needed them to watch. i hope you never feel so out of control of your body as me, to where you feel as if the only way that you can be saved is if other people figure out that you’re dying on their own. you don’t know how to come straight out and tell them, “hey, i really would rather not be alive at this given moment. i have visions of ending my own life. i use self isolation as a coping mechanism at times in order to feel like less of a burden on those who love me. i haven’t felt genuinely loved in a really long time. i’m so lonely. i could really use a friend right now.”

you can’t just say that. and i became depressed at 9 years old. how would a 9 year old even possibly articulate these complex and life threatening emotions that severely alter the way that every one of their peers perceives them. those middle years are crucial for making friends. it’s at that age that you have to find a group of 3 to 8 people who accept at least half of your given characteristics and occasionally invite you to partake in shit that kids do.

i wouldn’t know. i was a fleeting spirit. appearing and disappearing from cliques like it was clock work. there was more than one willow. there was the catty, witty willow- that found self-approval and approval from others by teasing and belittling others in order to build her own confidence up. then there was the sweet, flower child willow that sold daisy chains on the playground at recess at the price of one hug. there was the willow that stayed near the teachers at times because it was obvious that the other kids wanted nothing to do with her.

and as time progresses, the newer evolution of willow became prevalent. the willow that kept to herself most of the time, spending recess in the class room alone, drawing on the pages of her books, talking to herself, worrying her life away. everyone wondered - what was wrong with willow? or perhaps nobody noticed at all. maybe i was so insignificant even at such a young age- that the only time people considered me was in my dreams.

depression changes a person. some times, the change isn’t even tangible or noticeable to those surrounding the victim. some times, it is a slow discourse of the destruction of the spirit. it can slowly creep into your ear one ungodly night, and forever more whisper its awful lies into the victims ear, as it infects their whole body, their heart, their mind, their spirit, their hands, their eyes. everything. it slowly progresses into the uncontrollable loss of feelings and motivation to even maintain basic proper hygiene. it makes everything feel pointless. things are no longer worth the effort because you’re going to die no matter what, and that can’t come soon enough.

yes, depression can be slow and progressive. but that’s not the worst. the worst depression is the kind that sneaks up on you out of nowhere in the dead of night and immediately stiffens every hair on your body and turns your blood cold, making your mouth dry and your tongue numb. this depression hits you like a fucking train. it hits you in your most vulnerable state- comfort and normalcy. from that point on, you will never know normalcy again.

depression has a way of deceiving you into believing things that are crazy and untrue. but these things become so real to you as the depression progresses into a lifestyle that you come to know nothing else but the lies that depression will fill you with- so nobody can really tell you anything. it will call you names. it will tell you that you’re better off dead. it will be your only comfort- feeling nothing- during the night, whenever anxiety holds you until you pass out from exhaustion. you will never be cold at night as long as anxiety and depression have you snuggled up in between them.

oh how depression loves to kick you around and belittle you. oh how it renders your fantasies pointless. it loves to keep you hostage- to the point where any time you get an idea that doesn’t include moping around in your own sorrow, it immediately renders that idea impossible and reminds you that you are depressions bitch. you eat when depression finishes telling you how fat and disgusting you are. you sleep all day, so depression can take a dip in your nightmares. you wake up, and realize that life with depression is the true nightmare after all.

you pray for the day that you are relieved from this blinding madness and this subliminal torture. you feel as if you are not only a burden to your own self, but a burden to the people who love you and care for you

the only times when depression allows you relief from questioning the ulterior motives of those around you who claim to love you and care for you is when depression instead allows you to feel ashamed of your affliction. when you’re depressed, people notice. they may pretend not to and they may ignore it. but they know. they just don’t know what to say.

what would they say anyways?

hey. i’m sorry your brains are figuratively dripping out of your ears and i’m sorry that you have convinced yourself that i only care about you because i feel guilty, and i’m also sorry that you don’t even have the motivation to take a shower. i’m also sorry that you don’t
remember the last time that someone made you feel special. i’m sorry that you can’t find a reason to smile. i’m sorry that out of all the millionaires, the talented ones, the ones who fall in love, and the ones with nice asses- you were the one to end up hating yourself and everything around you.

ask yourself…. what do you say? what do you say to someone who is depressed?

know that i understand that you don’t know what to say. because yes this sucks. and i don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to wish you were dead. and i am so jealous of you for that. but please treat me the same as everyone else. please love me. make
me laugh. invite me to go shopping with you. get shit faced with me. help me fill the gaping hole in my soul with pointless memories of laughter and small talk. talk about life with me. listen to what i have to say. let me love you.

yes, i have depression. trust me, i will never forget! but please, help me feel normal. i don’t want to feel different than you. i want to be your peer, not your charity case.

i am dying to make friends. i am dying to spend less time in this bed writing shit like this. i am tired of letting this god damn disease walk all over me like i’m a fucking patch of dead grass.

life sucks. but please remind me that winter fades to spring. please remind me that some flowers are seasonal, and not every flower spends its whole life in bloom. remind me that you have to spend time in the dark to understand just how beautiful life in the sunlight is. remind me that there’s no cure for a bad day like a strawberry daiquiri and deep, controversial conversations with complete strangers.

remind me that my car has a sunroof and that it’s okay to open it up and let my hair get a little messy. remind me that music is better when it’s too loud to really interpret what the artist is saying- but you don’t have to understand to feel some thing.

remind me that i don’t have to lose this fight.

i am fucking hurting. but for the love of god, i’m begging you to help me fix me. because i forget that there’s good in the world. i forget that depression isn’t the boss of me. i forget that i have the whole world in my hands. i forget that there’s life after high school and that it’s okay to be alone some times, but it’s never okay to be lonely.

i will never forget what it is like to have my heart ripped out by a disease that i can’t even lay my hands on. perhaps i can touch the blisters under my eyes from
crying so much. perhaps i can run my hands along the holes i’ve punched in the walls from being so angry with myself. and yes i can feel how my bed is sinking in towards the ground because i spend so much time laying here trying to feel some thing besides utter destruction and loneliness. i can never forget what this disease has done to me. there will always be a piece of my heart that this depression has stolen from
me.

but with loving other people, i can aimlessly work to mend that hole. i can’t do it alone. i need a friend. i need you here with me.

i am so tired of being alone.
i will push you away at first. i may come off as helpless and a bitch. but please, that is the depression talking. it’s not willow.

willow loves the color pink
willow loves wild flowers
willow loves the smell of green onions
willow loves the feeling of sand under her feet
willow loves hearing about your childhood and how you had a speech impediment and a cat named angel
willow loves the smell of rain when it hits a hot sidewalk
willow loves to go barefooted
willow loves establishing connections with animals
willow loves willow, some times she just can’t see it

i need a gentle reminder of what it’s like to be a real normal teenage girl

this shit is hard. and being misunderstood makes it harder.

so i’m saying it loud and clear. my name is willow and i have clinical depression and generalized anxiety. my life has been a series of almost laughably awful events, which have resulted in said mental illnesses. i have been misunderstood, bullied, neglected, and hurt. but my story does not end here. i may never completely overcome my depression, but i will overcome my failure to acknowledge my illness. i will work to educate people about those who suffer as i do. i will help those with depression. i will be the friend that i have never had, but always needed, to anyone who wants it. i will be a testament to the depression that has oppressed me for 8 years now.

depression is not who i am. depression does not define me. what defines me is the fact that i am staying alive even though it is proving to be the biggest struggle that i have ever encountered, and i am asking that you help me and people like me. because it’s not a one person job.

my name is willow. and i’m telling you that depression is a rude ass bitch. but i’m a bigger bitch, and unlike my illness, i have the power to make people feel loved and valid. and i will use that power to overcome my depression.

i would like to dedicate this journal entry to everyone reading it. i may go to school with you, you may be just a random tumblr user, you may suffer with depression, you may suffer with some other deeply oppressive situation, you may just be a happy son of a bitch.
it doesn’t matter who you are. let this. journal entry be a testament to your life.

there are people with depression. and there is no way that i can ever explain to you just how it feels via tumblr text post or even via socratic seminar complete with gardens of text books and instructional videos. all i can say is that in this life, you are responsible for being there for the people around you.

you never know what someone is going through. people with depression practically have licenses and 4 year degrees in the field of putting up facades of being okay and sucking it up and repressing those explosive emotions. they don’t expect you to give a shit about them, because as far as they’re concerned, nobody has given a shit,
nobody currently gives a shit, and nobody ever will give a shit about them. they make it hard to help. but it’s so important that you break down those walls. and some times, all you need to do is smile at someone or invite someone to eat after school or to go to a party. you can’t do much for someone with depression. like i said, they’re a whole world away. their concerns and struggles are immaculate, indescribable. however, it doesn’t take much to show someone that you care even a little bit. even if it’s just picking and giving them a random flower.

if you suffer from depression or know anyone with depression and you need someone to look to for advice/help/inspiration, my DM’s are open. oversharing is caring. i know what it’s like to want to take your own life, and i fought the urge to do so even while writing this journal entry.

i am here for you. you are not by yourself. please DM me if you ever need someone to send you pictures of a cute animal to cheer you up, or if you even need me to talk you out of suicide. i know both feelings.

if you’re reading this,
i challenge you to go out of your comfort zone. yes you. i challenge you to do this one easy thing at either work or school, or out in public or in your family

1. pick 3 flowers, they can be store bought or you can have picked them yourself

2. give one flower to someone who you worry might have depression

2. give one flower to a random person who you don’t know

3. give one flower to a person you would like to get to know better, you never know when someone desperately needs a friend


it’s just a flower, but you could save someone’s life. some times, all people need is a gentle reminder that good things still exist and that somebody is thinking about them.

don’t be the person that assumes too high of a role or makes an excuse to not be able to participate in this challenge or share this journal.

you never know when you can save someone’s life.

remember: no matter who you are, i love you. and i am willing to comfort you in times of need. i’ve been where you are. and i know how much ass depression sucks.

my DM’s are open, and so is your future.
don’t end your story this early.

—  Willow Scalisi 4/18/17 (dam i just realized sonic got half priced burgers today, turn up)

I saw a few people in my recent tags asking HOW and one kind sweet user asking what bears the most money so I’m going to share my success story. I’m tagging @alice-elizabethscott , @xxkalleexx , @drunkenwhaleer , and @seismitoadsbutt,    cause I saw y’all in the notes There were a lot more but they were anons

SO Y’ALL WANNA KNOW HOW TO DO THE THING? LEMME SHOW YOU

You will need a game year, roughly 928 Starfruit seeds, the greenhouse, 6 iridium sprinkers, as many kegs as you can possibly craft, 157 casks, your favorite music, and a LOT of patience.

I’m putting it under a readmore because hot dang it’s a long post. It woudln’t be as long but I wanted to put pictures in 

Keep reading

My tips for workout motivation!

So, you want to work out. But, oh no! You’re feeling a little unmotivated? You don’t know where to start? It isn’t always helpful to hear “just do it,” even if it’s a little bit true. There are times where we all feel unmotivated and that’s why we need to be dedicated, let out a deep sigh, and just do it.

It’s more mental than physical. Now, I know what you’re thinking. I know exactly what you’re thinking.

“–Crap.”

How do we become dedicated? It can take weeks to months for a habit to solidify so how do we break down a few of these mental barriers to even get there in the first place?

You don’t need a gym: A lot of people get stuck on “where” before “how” and there are a number of reasons why a gym membership is actually an inconvenience or out of budget for many individuals. There are also people who find the gym absolutely boring. That’s fine! Our bodies already come equipped with cardiovascular machinery and can be used as a resistance tool. Our own homes, parks, and backyards are perfect places to workout and with the addition of a few small, affordable tools you can even up to ante without ever setting foot inside a gym.

Small steps before big leaps: If you’ve never worked out before or simply need to get more active in general; then don’t worry too much with whipping your ass into a protoplasmic pile of goo quite yet. We’re all beginners at some point in time, and you need to let yourself be a beginner. The risk of injury is high for a beginner and that’s the biggest mood killer of them all. Don’t pop in a “Maximum Hardcore Power Shred 9000X²” DVD and expect to come out of that experience with a positive outlook on the days and weeks to come. You probably have some idea of where your fitness level is at, so be generous and be forgiving. For some people, fitness starts simply at taking more stairs and walking longer distances around town and that’s absolutely great.

Write out a plan for the day: At night, I often write in my phone’s little “sticky note” application what I want to do at the gym tomorrow morning and what weight, sets, and reps I may want to attempt them at. Not only will it help you zone in and focus on the task, but you’ll be thinking about your workout in advance as well. Having a plan will reduce the number of “unknown variables” so you can just get started and stop second guessing yourself, a life-saver for the anxious. 

Set out your workout clothes and supplies the night before: No matter when you’re planning to workout, just be ready well in advance. Don’t get stuck in a situation where you’re frantically trying to slap things together, getting stressed out, and only to discover your shorts are dirty and your water bottle has mysteriously been stolen by gremlins.

Try a different time of day if you’re stumbling with your current one: This one is dependant a lot on personality and the mercy of your schedule and home life. Understandably, some people have less flexibility so it’s not always possible to switch time slots around. This was personally my biggest game changer, though. I used to workout in the evening but by the end of a day my “introvert battery” was clocked and more times than not I said, “it’s blanket time.” Morning is my favorite time of day and I’m fresh when I wake up, so I started going in the morning. It sounds obvious but it honestly was the best thing I ever did.

Find an exercise that genuinely excites you: The best workout is one that is fun for you to do, not the one that burns the most calories. Don’t waste too much time on running if you’d rather have your toenails ripped out with a pair of rusty pliers. There are a million ways to get a workout, so shop around!

Switch it up and be open to trying something new: Having a game plan in place certainly is a pillar of success, but a good dose of spontaneity can give you that twinge of excitement you’re looking for and even introduce you to new workouts you never guessed you’d like. Personally, I’d love to try a Zumba class sometime!

Try a podcast or audiobook instead of music: Only continue your playthrough a little before a workout, while working out, and a little after a workout. If you’re getting somewhere juicy, guess what? Gotta workout.

Do something if you’re not up for everything: Making a good habit and becoming dedicated isn’t about having all cylinders firing at max 24/7. That is the key difference between motivation and dedication. If you don’t feel like challenging your personal records today, that’s fine. Pick a comfortable intensity, pick a nice small chunk of time. Also, going for a walk is an absolutely marvelous workout. It counts. It all counts.  Feeling like a shut in today? Keep a jump rope and a yoga mat around. Build a list of Youtube videos you could do on that rainy day. Get some bodyweight routines in or jog in place a little. If you’re sore, just stretch. Doing a little bit of anything will uphold your habit and your dedication. Some days we achieve, other days we survive. 

Sometimes rest days are announced, not planned: If you’ve been getting into the swing of things but wake up feeling sick, exhausted, or have unexplained pain take the rest if you really think you need it. You’re not “skipping the gym,” if you seriously need the rest. Try as we might to have a super tight plan, sometimes we have unexpected issues. Rest is also necessary.

@unfcking Ask and you shall receive! I hope you find something helpful here.

fashionablegore  asked:

Is it true that white tigers are not naturally occurring, and instead a product of massive inbreeding and abuse?

Sort of yes and sort of no. I’ve actually been working on a really big piece about all the myths surrounding white tigers, because there’s a lot of misinformation out there, but since it’s taking me forever to actually publish it I’ll give you a quick rundown here (gosh it’s such a hardship, not like this is one of my favorite recent things to study or anything lol). 

White tigers did absolutely occur naturally for a very long time in at least one specific area of India and possibly a much larger area of Asia - there are lots of references to pale cats in old texts. They were common enough that it seems reasonable to assume that the white coloration isn’t super detrimental to camouflage and hunting success. It is a color morph that requires a double-recessive gene to express, which means it’s not common and that when it shows up frequently it’s likely the result of inbreeding (even in a natural setting, this can occur when environmental boundaries or other factors lead to reduced numbers of available mates). Unfortunately, it was also a big thing for rulers in India to go hunt the white cats as a status symbol, so a lot of them were killed - and because they weren’t around to mate and be guaranteed to pass the gene on, white cats became less and less common. Mohan, the really famous founder cat brought into captivity, was one of the last ones ever seen in the wild. 

Most of the white cats in captivity now do have a lot of inbreeding in their history, because there wasn’t a lot of awareness of how detrimental line-breeding can be and it was the fastest way to produce more white cats (you can get them in one generation, instead of the 2-3 required each time you outcrossed to a cat that isn’t a carrier for it at all). Mohan’s cubs were super inbred for about four generations, at which point they had to stop breeding them to each other and outcross because the cats were actually losing fertility and cub mortality was really high. (Those are both signs of inbreeding depression - you either can’t get pregnant or the babies all die). The same thing happened with a lot of the other founder lines - and there were more founder animals than just Mohan, white showed up in supposedly unrelated captive tigers at least twice - and eventually the different lineages were crossed with each other.

As far as I can tell, most white tigers alive today are not recently inbred very badly. They do have a lot of history of inbreeding upline, which comes with it’s own genetic baggage, but they’re not directly inbred. I can’t speak to direct numbers on that yet, but I really hope to; I’ve been tracing pedigrees and running coefficient of inbreeding calculations on all the different generations and lineages but I’m having a really hard time getting accurate pedigree data on animals born after 1996. (That’s not surprising, people who breed tigers in the modern era outside of AZA - so anyone breeding white cats - are super super not interested in talking to outsiders about the choices they’re making). What I can say is that the worst of the inbreeding was actually in the 60s and 70s and that by the time my data runs out around the mid-90s there was a whole lot more outcrossing going on. That means they were reducing the potential an animal to be homozygous at a given gene by descent (and therefore reducing the likelihood of accumulating detrimental recessive mutations) but not necessarily reducing genetic issues accumulated from ancestral inbreeding. 

A lot of the messaging around white tigers is very misleading and not based in scientific fact - it’s been warped from both the zoo side and the sanctuary side in accordance with whatever message they’re pushing. I’ve spent like the last year working on parsing out what’s true and finding sources for the stuff that’s unclear. They’re not super healthy animals, especially the ones with more recent inbreeding issues, but Kenny the “down syndrome” tiger (not actually down’s syndrome and that messaging has lead to all sorts of awful ablist messaging) is not the norm. The most frequent thing I know occurs in white tigers in terms of “deformity” is abnormal skull morphology compared to non-white tigers. There may be other health issues - it’s very likely - but I can’t actually trace them back to being definitely related to the specific ancestral inbreeding, or the double recessive gene. It’s a big of a vague area because a lot of the tigers that white cats were outcrossed with originally had potential for inbreeding and other health issues at the time - this was before we really knew much about that, or put welfare and potential for genetic issues ahead of profit - and so there’s a lot of questions about if the current white tigers tend to have health issues because they’re being bred from genetically unhealthy lines in general or if they’re more at risk because of the specific inbreeding for the white color in their history. The older white cats, especially like 4th generation from the founder cats - those were animals that were much more obviously unhealthy specifically because of the direct line-breeding. 

If it’s a topic folk are interested in, I can see about pushing the white tiger myths article to the front of my to-do list. 

10

Live Free Illustrations: Best of Toasty

(Best of Splickedy)

@splickedylit and I have been working on this fic since October 2015 and illustrating every chapter, so I thought I’d compile my favorite illustrations I’ve done!  This story has been a real journey in terms of both art and writing.  I’ve learned a lot about just diving right into backgrounds, for one thing, although they wouldn’t have been possible without ref from this gorgeously designed show!