this is one of my favorite videos by them oh my god

anonymous asked:

leela that liveshow was. a lot. so cute. Dan talking about love made me 👀

it was definitely a lot oh my god. one of my favorites in a long time and a real treasure trove of open stories, asides, opinions, and general insights into his mind, his opinions on work, his life, and of course, yes, his thoughts on love. i almost wondered if he was a little bit tipsy from the sushi dinner he mentioned going on since he’s always sort of told us that he’s pretty sensitive to wine (he was tipsy while editing that sims video when he left the flipside christmas party in december and he’d only had one glass of wine?) because honestly there was so much rambling and vulnerability in this that i wasn’t prepared for. uhhh, brace yourselves bc this is like,, the longest shit i’ve written about them in ages. i can always count on a dan live show to bring out my inner desires to write an actual novel haha

INSIGHTS ABOUT HIMSELF

the meditation bit. that was so lovely on so many levels. to know that he’s tried meditating is one thing. to watch him try to walk us through some of the fundamental tenets of a meditative mindset was another. it was so fascinating to me to hear him confirm the way in which he feels plagued by the onslaught of noise in his life, and crucially, for him, that’s all online noise—he kept talking about imaginary conversations, how all of our communication is text on the internet, and that he ingests so many of those voices constantly and always feels their presence. even though that is a generalizable thing that all of us suffer from, to an extent, in a world where we’re so digitally connected, it’s staggering to think about the scale on which he has to deal with all of the white noise and that all of it is both distressing to him and also inescapable in that it’s the foundation of his career. i just see dan as being someone who is so internally conflicted about so many things and that includes, most centrally, the role of the internet and his presence on it, and it doesn’t take much reaching to understand why he must love and hate it in equal measure.

the hydration campaign. y’all i’ve been trying to track every stay hydrated mention since the one in pinof 8 when they literally made like a psa, with no explanation or context, about the importance of water and staying hydrated and just stuck it in the middle of that vid. i’ve lost track though bc they’ve worked it into nearly every video they’ve made since then and i WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS ABOUT. i am adamant that it’s an inside joke of some sort. i don’t think they actually give a fuck how much water we drink lol. so today when dan was like “i need to find a way to work that into the next video .. .might already be in it,” and then at the end when he said he needs to leave to go “get hydrated,” i was living bc it was the most open confirmation yet that this is something they’re so intentionally doing and working into their vids. idk if it’s just a funny thing but … my instinct is that it has some sort of deeper meaning that only they know and i’m ANNOYED THEYRE ALLOWED TO RUB THESE JOKES RIGHT IN OUR FACES UGH. jk they can carry on w their married behavior but. i want it all to lead to some sort of announcement that they’re starting a joint bottled water business at the very least. or maybe its just a euphemism for sex. who knows. ugh

dan acknowledging his pretentiousness about music is all i’ve ever wanted. it’s so funny to me how just his self-awareness that he is very pretentious and particular about his tastes is all i needed to forgive him for all of it because what pissed me off more than anything ever about dan’s approach to talking about music were his flimsy attempts at trying to act like he was so accepting and tolerant of all people’s music tastes and that he’s some sort of diplomatic saint who respects and celebrates everyone’s preferences bc … literally no he fucking doesn’t he has never even tried to make it convincing hahah. so him just outright apologizing for it today in his usual self-deprecating fashion was like the funniest, best thing to me bc god at least he knows and realizes and like maybe now he can actually work on talking about music in the deeper and complex ways that he so clearly wants to. also as a music snob in my own right i feel him on this and i’ve always just found it way easier to preface every conversation w the clear statement that these r just my own standards and i’m a douche and i’m never actually trying to disrespect anyone who might like different things than me. anyway, i love dan

INSIGHTS ABOUT WORK & LIFE

i suspected and even posted about the fact that unexpected things might have happened this week that caused phil to be delayed in posting his video and dan to be all but silent on twitter for several days. i speculated dan may not have been in a good place this week based on his silence and also the way he seemed to teeter on the brink of quite overt negativity during last week’s live show. to me, today’s live show seemed fully in the throes of that negative headspace. there was a resurgence of bleak little comments about how he’s tired (of living), how he looks like a rat and doesn’t want to be reminded about the reality of his existence, how his life is a joke, how he can’t comprehend that anyone could draw inspiration from his videos or that his stories could brighten people’s days, etc. etc. all said as casual asides and mostly followed by little laughs as is his norm, but it was very reminiscent to me of the time in early january around his 2016 memes video and his first couple live shows of the year where he talked so frequently about craving death and feeling anxious and judging his own work output too harshly, and the constant pressure of scrutiny from his audience. i don’t think this live show was as bad as all of that but it’s clear that things might be a bit difficult right now and dan confirmed that himself when he stated that it’s been a challenging week in ways he can’t talk about with us yet. i was so interested to hear him say we could ask him about it in like five months though. literally,,, i put it in my calendar for august because i’m just so curious. we have almost no hints to go off of in terms of speculating about what it could be, but to me the fact that we would be able to ask him five months from now seems to suggest that it’s not personal (i jokingly wrote in tags that he and phil had gotten in a tiff this week lol) bc if it was he wouldn’t mention it at all i don’t think and definitely at the very least wouldn’t have given us such a specific timeframe about when we could ask about it. it’s likely work-related bc of that timeframe: a new project of some sort that will be out later this year, for which perhaps several planning meetings or deadlines had to happen/be met this week? it’s hard to say why that would put dan in such a negative headspace but he’s said before that he gets that way when he’s sleep deprived and he did just seem very very tired beneath everything. … also possible it could be about moving? maybe house hunting was very stressful and didn’t go to plan. late summer (five months from now) would be a fitting time for them to have made their move, and really it’s the only other possible thing i can think of with a timeframe that dan would specifically tell us. in any case,,, mark your cals for august y’all bc i actually can’t wait to hear more insights about this week even if we have to wait months for them.

that being said, the new dinof video is coming tmrw or the day after and he was still pretty vague about what it will be about. as i spelled out in completely unnecessary detail after last week’s live show i believe he was going to make the video about dropping the dinof user name but then changed his mind (this is the video he referenced today when he said “i was going to make a video but then decided it should be the next one” before going on like a 3-min rant about how sometimes he just feels the timing isn’t right to post a particular video.) so that leaves the field wide open for what this next vid could be. the only other hint we got was that it could be kink-related because the premium he opened that said “kinkshame me daddy” prompted him to say “well you’ll like my next vid,” but then he quickly walked it back as though to dispel anyone’s expectations that it would be kink-related? it was all a bit confusing. on that subject he did note down the idea of doing a video about going to the dentist back in a february live show, so there’s a high possibility to me that it could be about that since it’s like sort of (maybe jokingly) a kink for him, but he wouldn’t want to tease something that’s mostly NOT about kinks by saying it’s kink-related, hence his rapid back-tracking. but like. tbh who knows … dan is confusing and could pull something totally out of left field behind all of this quibbling. i mostly ardently agree with the way he told us to feel about it, which is to have literally no expectations or theories about what it could be hahah … best advice he’s ever given tbh

confirmation that he and phil will attend playlist this year, and a sort of allusion to the traditional lester clan april holiday in florida. probably means that he will join them again this year. it was kind of nice to hear him basically walk us through how all of their decisions about conventions and travel are made jointly, even months and months into the future, and to have no qualms with sharing that. he also just kept reiterating vaguely that they might have plans at various points of the year and idk about y’all but i feel like he’s trying his hardest to let us know that those plans involve each other and probs always will. could be work things (the same project that may have caused them stress this week), could, as he said in his own words back in january, be “life things.” could be both. but regardless, the plans are always danandphil things, both of them together, and i’m not sure how there is still a strain of people that insists on arguing that a moving apart or separation is on the horizon for this year. all of that is summed up in this one amazing exchange for me, when someone in the chat asks, “are you excited for australia again?” and he answers, “yeah, we are.”

i also really dug the insight about how he likes to structure his work in such a way that he’s working for three weeks straight with no days off and then takes a whole week to lose himself in a game. it’s very dan to be so all or nothing about the way that he works and to become consumed so completely by whatever’s at hand (whether it’s work or leisure) and although i might’ve suspected that that’s how he operates i don’t think we’ve ever heard him lay it out that clearly

INSIGHTS ABOUT PHIL & LOVE

that he opened this live stream with such an earnest celebration of phil (thanking him, literally, for existing and making videos even though it was technically a misspeak) was so lovely and not what i expected but it set a nice tone for the start of this stream. the bants-y way in which he acknowledge the subscriber gap was also a tiny bit noteworthy to me, especially in light of that ask i answered recently about how they must approach the subscriber gap. i argued it def isn’t something they are sensitive about and probs isn’t something they joke about either, but dan sort of showed that he might approach it w humor if the situation calls for it rather than ignore it altogether. interesting. he’s clearly so proud of phil and was a little flustered in talking about how exciting the milestone was. and then, relatedly, so so animated and excited about “promo-ing (awkward pause and sidelong glance) his pal” and the gym video. i fucking loved hearing his version of the story and how surprisingly soft and tender he sounded when he was describing phil on the phone asking for an exercise plan (like, his tone was verging on adoring there) and then the way he looked when he got back. the way that dan says “what happened?” when he’s recounting how he talked to phil after he got home literally set my heart aflutter bc it was sooooooooo concerned-sounding even in a re-enactment, even in front of thousands of people, so i can’t even imagine how worried he must have genuinely been in that moment. the thing w videos is that they allow these real-life stories that happen to dnp to take on a sort of surreal almost fictional feel bc of the storytelling dnp employ—videos have like a real narrative arc and they’re packaged to be entertaining so in some ways it’s easy to forget that this is actually a true thing that happened. phil lester went to the gym and threw up twice from over-exertion and came home in half the time he was supposed to be gone and dan, the worried partner, was there to receive him when he did. and then, of course, to get super angry on his behalf and tell us about it later. i was literally rejoicing to hear dan be so honest about his emotional reaction to this happening to phil bc it might be something he would have usually phrased another way (‘can u believe phil asked for this one thing and got this other thing instead what is wrong with people this is why we don’t go outside’) instead of literally just stating his emotion so bluntly (‘i was actually like really mad … like honestly i was so angry when he told me.’) that difference in communicating how he feels is so hugely important to me and it’s what gave the story so much dimension,, i could literally picture dan and his instinct towards protectiveness that we’ve seen time and time and time again when it comes to phil, just full of irritation, disbelief, and actual anger in that moment and he had no problem with telling us that was what happened. i nearly thought that when he said he couldn’t go to that gym bc he didn’t want to see kyle/leon, that he was saying any real-life encounter with him would end in dan giving kyle/leon an angry speech about his lack of professionalism and total ineptitude at his job. i totally believe that it would.

the other part of dan’s reaction that i feel is worth noting is the way that he immediately said to phil that he needs to learn to be more assertive in a knowing tone as though it’s something they discuss often and, to be honest, it IS something that has come up before over and over in the way that dan portrays phil. that he’s too “polite” to call people out if they’re abusing him online, that he believes in things like etiquette and courtesy, that his personality is adorable and, in not so many words, soft. we even have seen him describe it in certain specific real life scenarios. an example that comes to mind is when they were doing the joint live show in november last year and dan wanted to talk about the sound guy who fucked up his mic at dapgoose LA, subsequently causing him to loose his voice for the boncas. dan clearly wanted to go off about how incapable the sound guy had been but asks phil for permission basically, and phil tempers dan’s response a lot and recounts the situation diplomatically. a random example that also comes to mind from ages ago is in dan’s what not to do at the cinema video from 2012 where he talks about a scenario when he and phil go out to see a movie and he, dan, is assertive enough to both 1. ask for people to completely get up and move if they’re sitting in his and phil’s seats, and, 2. shush them if they’re being too loud. he even acts out phil saying “oh my god you did not just do that, i don’t know you,” and trying to hide. i feel like this is a difference between them that’s sometimes under-discussed  or noticed because the main focus is always on their anxieties and insecurities and general distaste for human interaction. people also focus on phil making small talk with people in social settings and take that to mean that he is more confident and calm. but i earnestly believe that he is more reserved than dan in many ways and that includes in facing negative or stressful situations and dan, despite his own set of anxieties, has always been much more able and willing to demand and ask for what he feels he (or phil) deserves.

obvi the thing everyone wants to talk about (and i’m right there with y’all) is dan’s truly surprising decision to entertain a question about love and then give a definition of it. after a bit of waffling and dithering about whether it is or isn’t a social construct he seems to insist that it is a real feeling and defines it as “the fear of that person not being there mixed with sexual attraction.” super interesting to me because he seems to totally approach this question from his own perspective and experience which is why in the moment he seems to suggest that you need to experience sexual attraction in order to love people (and where does that leave people on the ace spectrum?) and, moreover, that love is definitely a feeling people feel (and where does that leave aromantic people?) he definitely interprets the question to be about romantic love rather than talking about something perhaps “safer” for his usual topics such as platonic love or familial love and it’s for that reason that i definitely think he was trying to say that this is what love means to him and in his own experience because i don’t think he would be so cavalier about conflating romantic and sexual attraction and implying that asexuality and romantic attraction cannot coexist in one person if he had had time to think about this answer rather than spontaneously deciding to answer it on the spot.

but that he’s speaking from his own experience obviously makes his answer profoundly interesting because he settles on, coincidentally or perhaps not, one of the only ways of expressing affection for phil by proxy that he’s ever been okay with sharing with us, which is that he needs phil around bc he can’t bear to be alone. this combined with the protectiveness/defensiveness he exhibits for phil pretty consistently, as well as the occasional recognition of phil’s creativity, are pretty much the full spectrum of ways in which dan ever talks about what he feels for phil in a public setting. it was so strangely emotional for me to hear him confirm that his fear of being alone and being without this hypothetical “love” is so fundamental to the experience of love for him that it becomes a big part of the way he defines it. i mean people make fun of dan’s neediness all the time in so many ways but he straight out confirms here that the feeling of needing your partner near you at all times and staving off the genuinely frightening prospect of the anxiety of being alone are so central to what he takes the experience of love to mean. and that’s true for both of them i feel because as “needy” as dan is, phil is just as attached, chooses to spend all of these moments with dan, chooses to call dan up on stage when he wins solo awards, chooses to travel and socialize and create and live with dan next to him always. the concerning degrees of codependency they exhibit are such common topics of conversation amongst us as outside observers that it’s very nearly startling to hear dan basically say that, yes, this dependency on this other person, this feeling of paralysis when they’re not there, that’s what love is to him, fundamentally. it’s the awareness that your life would be empty without them around. that is … concerning honestly, and as always i have some burning questions about how they make such an unhealthy level of codependency work but like. they do. they so clearly do. they have for so long and they show signs every day of only growing stronger and happier in their partnership, if that’s even possible.

then there’s the sexual attraction bit which like, sure. obvi.

i also thought it was immensely noteworthy that when he read out “some people never find love” from one of the chat comments he didn’t even try a little bit to make it relatable and crack some joke about being forever alone or even just a cheeky little “same.” like just, generally speaking, he approached this whole topic very much with the tone of 1. someone who has definitely experienced the emotion of love, 2. someone who is then trying to articulate the emotion of love as he experiences it, and 3. someone who still feels that emotion and is in proximity to that person to whom it is directed. there were no attempts at trying to say he can’t relate or that he doesn’t know (or to apply it to FOOD which he has said on countless occasions is the number one love of his life,) and if anything he got quite flustered and even red around his ears and cheeks by the end of the whole ramble. flustered but not actually uncomfortable, at least in my assessment. it was really so, so lovely and incredibly insightful. not a topic i ever ever thought i’d hear him venture into and certainly not in a live stream and certainly not in that much depth. to me the whole topic played out almost as though he couldn’t let some overly analytical smartass in the chat reduce this emotion that clearly means so much to him into a mere social construct or even a release of hormones (oxytocin). he needed to push back and play devil’s advocate, but instead of doing that in a contemplative philosophical way he somewhat accidentally got super personal with it and this ramble and completely rare look into dan’s experience w this particularly touchy emotion is what we got. it reminds me a lot of the vyou he answered back in 2012 about whether he believes in love, in which he is quite literally upset and completely rude to the person who asked it, saying “no offense to you but what kind of a stupid question is that?” as though he has never even entertained the possibility that people could not believe that love is a true feeling and emotion. it’s incredible to see that 6 years later dan has evolved in so many ways and is calmer and more thoughtful about so many things, but on this subject little has changed: love is so important to him and there’s no way for him to talk about it without immediately demonstrating that :( :( :(

“hydrate, meditate, contemplate, get a mate.” such a fitting closing line because is there any set of four directives that better encompass who dan is lol? overall such a good live show with so many moments of vulnerability and emotional openness. however dan really is in this moment i hope things only get better and better for him and that he can get over whatever hurdles have been holding him back from dinof and that he can edit/post this video and then let himself take that week off that he mentioned wanting, in order to play games and chill or at least get to a calmer place. love him lots :(((

(live show: meditation and hydration with your new life coach - 2017.03.14)

flowersfangsandfeathers  asked:

All of the ask's questions!!

Oh God, what have you done. Okay. Here we go. 

1. A video game you’d recommend. 

You guys, Journey is so beautiful, both visually and narratively. It’s one of my all-time favorite games. (And this year is its five-year anniversary!). I also highly recommend Radiant Historia for JRPG lovers, and The Night of the Rabbit for point-and-click junkies like me. 

2.  Favourite pair of socks.

Tbh I prefer to be barefoot as often as possible. But when I’m cold and I need a pair of socks, I do love this pair (I also get a weird sense of satisfaction wearing them to work under my boots—it satisfies the contrary part of my personality to “get away” with wearing work inappropriate things to work):

3.  An odd thing from your room.

Well, so. I have a group of friends whom I’ve been close to for like a decade, right? And my nickname in this group is Ducky (don’t ask, I couldn’t tell you). So the year before last, one of them got me this for Christmas, and it’s been hanging in my room since: 

4.  If you made a gang what would the design/text on the back of our matching jackets be.

“Not today, Satan!” Or alternately (after reading this ridiculous post), “Dong-Adjacent.” 

5.  If you were in a fantasy world what would be your ‘trademark’ item/feature.

I would be able to talk to animals and I’d travel with hordes of them, especially stray/wild dogs. 

6. If you were an npc what quest would you give (and what reward). 

It would totally be a fetch quest of the ilk, “get me this food thing because I’m really hungry,” and the reward would be some useless cloak or healing item that the player has had 30 of since like their first enemy battle and that sells for shit in stores and I’d be like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) when I handed it over. 

7. Dream Lego set. 

Tamora Pierce heroines: Alanna the Lioness, Keladry of Mindelan, Daine Sarrasri. WHERE MY TORTALL HEROINE MERCHANDISE AT?   

8. Do you have any scout badges.

In procrastination. 

9. A book you’d recommend. 

I’m a sucker for good fantasy, and I read two great fantasy books last year: In the Forest of Forgetting by Theodora Goss, and The Golem and the Jinni by Helen Wecker. They’re both so, so good; I couldn’t put either down. 

10. Favourite ‘made-up’ creature from any universe.

Hobbits. I love me some hobbits. 

11. What instrument(s) do you play/any you wish you could play. 

I play no instruments, but I dearly wish I could play piano. I took a year of piano lessons when I was a kid, and then I quit. Kinda wish I’d stuck with it.  

12. A character you wish you could pull off the perfect cosplay for.

Yang Xiao Long from RWBY. I love her, but I could NEVER pull off that cosplay. 

13. Favourite Terrible™ movie.

Dragonheart, hands down. I know it’s campy and awful, but I’ll always love it. ALWAYS. (I mean, like, how can you beat Sean Connery voicing a DRAGON?)

14. Do you speak any other languages. 

Hahaha, no. I took Japanese for two years in college and I have a VERY rudimentary memory of it. Mostly I just remember hiragana and basic vocabulary/sentence structure. I’ve totally lost all memory of katakana and kanji, and I would be terrified to even attempt speaking Japanese to anyone, forget a native speaker. 

15. How many time telling devices are in the room with you.

Hmm, three. Cell phone, computer, stereo clock. 

16. A random useless fact you know.

Wolverines are part of the weasel family. 

17. Create a tag urself meme description of yourself.

“The Shut-in: simultaneously craves and loathes attention, cries easily, obsesses over hobbies, should probably look into vitamin D supplements.” 

18. What is your weapon of choice.

Bow and arrows, bruh. Screw melee battle: I like sneaking and sniping. (Which is why I always invest in sneak skills in Elder Scrolls games.)

19. Do you like _________ [default word is waffles] 

Yes, I like waffles. If it’s some form of bread, I’ll probably like it. 

20. all the questions!! (and/or your own) 

DONE. 

*collapses*                      

the signs as things my english teacher has said
  • aries: there was a gay guy in the navy that we used to call "silent r" because he was gay, and his last name was "gray".
  • taurus: i'm trying to educate y'all
  • gemini: student called me, "bruddah ans ans, mom, auntie learn, uncle teach, mother teteacha", and accused me of being a "mommunist".
  • cancer: while you're in my classroom, i am your mother
  • leo: i failed algebra 2 in high school and look at me
  • virgo: some kids call me "mr. anusley".
  • libra: so i'm sitting at home in my drawers watching this "inside story" thing about the kardashians. and like, one of them made a video of all these pies she made, but then the pies turned out to be store-bought, and she like, freaked out, and said, "oh my god you guys are all just so focused on the pies and i've got so much going on right now". why did i watch that?
  • scorpio: someone made a sexual fanpage on instant gram about me
  • sagittarius: don't ever come to my house.
  • capricorn: think about it this way, if i said this to you, would i still have a job, or would i be on the news?
  • aquarius: for some reason the thought of the philippines having a space program is really amusing
  • pisces: wrap me up in a blanket and let me die
youtube

“God damn it I can’t get them on my big forehead.”

“Oh god he mentioned his forehead.”

ohmygod HE TALKED ABOUT HIS FOREHEAD YOU GUYS THE FOREHEAD’S REAL. OH MY GOD THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. OH MY GOD FOREHEAD FOR LIFE, OH MY GOD MY SPIRIT ANIMAL IS HIS FOREHEAD. OH MY GOD.”

“I SHIP HIS FOREHEAD.”

“OH MY GOD I SHIP IT.

SENPAI.

FOREHEAD PLEASE.

OH GOD, PLEASE RESPOND.”

“come to Portugal.”

COME TO BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLL.”

this is one of my favorite videos of all time not gonna lie. (video not mine, but belongs to Brendon Urie Vines)

Luckiest Woman Alive

PhilXReader

Warnings: Obviously, swearing

I had always hated being so short. It was honestly probably my least favorite quality in myself. My entire life all I wanted was to reach the top cabinet without getting a chair or any help. That never happened.

Now here I was, in the middle of the night, standing on a chair in the kitchen to get a late night bowl of cereal. Curse my late night cravings. I was trying so desperately not to wake my boyfriend Phil or his flatmate Dan. They had stayed up editing their new gaming video, and I didn’t want to wake them as they were exhausted. 

The only chair in the room had been a computer chair with wheels, so I was trying to be extra careful. Somehow I still managed to lose footing, and came crashing down, cereal box and all falling on top of me. 

“Shit fuck! OH MY GOD!” I yelled out, I didn’t think I could move. My leg was in extreme pain. 

Phil scrambled out of our room and came rushing to my side.

“Y/N! What happened?! Are you alright?” Phil began removing the box of cereal off of me, along with the stray pieces that flew out of the box.

“No, my leg hurts so bad. I think I might of broken it.” Tears began streaming down my face. This wouldn’t be the first time I had broken a bone, so the pain was like a familiar enemy. 

Dan came rushing from his bedroom, he really was late for everything.

“Jesus on a bicycle, what the fuck happened Y/N?” He stared at you with wide eyes.

I explained everything that happened while both boys prepared to pick me up. Obviously we were going to make a trip to the hospital tonight, and I could not walk. The pain was sharp. I must of apologized a thousand times for waking them up.

“Y/N, it’s fine! I’m just glad you didn’t hit your head or anything..” Phil sighed while glancing at you in thee rear view mirror in your car. They had laid you in the back seat to stretch out your leg. 

“Yeah, I would much rather you get us up for a box of cereal than to wake us up with a trip to the hospital at 2 am.” Dan added with a chuckle. 

I knew he was making a joke, but a pang of guilt shot into my chest. He wasn’t wrong. I knew they were both pretty clumsy themselves, but I still felt like I was an added burden with all the times I hurt myself on a daily basis. 

The doctor only confirmed my fears that I had broken it. They gave me a lime green cast and some crutches. I hated this. I felt so helpless, and now Phil was stuck with taking care of me, like a helpless child. I apologized the whole ride home, through silent tears.

After we had gotten home, Dan went back to bed. But Phil stayed up with me. He had gotten a ton of pillows and blankets and we snuggled engulfed in blankets watching movies. 

Phil nuzzled against me. “I’m so glad you’re okay baby.” He whispered to me.

I took his hand in mine and rested my head on his shoulder. “I don’t feel fine. I feel useless and now you’re stuck with helping me do shit.” My words were dripping in guilt and self pity. 

“Y/N, you could of been hurt so much worse, you could of easily hit your head and been knocked unconscious.” His face scrunched up before he softly kissed me. His kisses were always so loving and tender. I relaxed a bit.

“I know, I just feel so ba-” He cut me off mid sentence and turned to face me, taking both my hands in his own.

“Don’t. I love helping you, it makes me feel like I’m fulfilling my manly duties.” He laughed before continuing. His face much more serious now.

“I love you more than anything. You really scared me, love. i don’t care if you wake me up, if you need help, I will always be here. You are my life. You are what I worry about, you are what brightens my day. I don’t know what I would do without you. So please, come to me. And please don’t use rolling chairs to stand on anymore. I’ll throw them all out if I have to.” He chuckled. 

And I kissed him. Slowly, tenderly, passionately. I never imagined anyone could love me this much, and here I was with the man of my dreams, watching cheesy horror films and cuddling.

I am the luckiest woman alive.  

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: this fucking band just made me laugh like crazy, scream, say "oh my god" 1975 times, cry tears of laughter, dance with one of my favorite people in my dark room, point at all the details in the video, eat tons of chocolate so my body will stop shaking and realise i'm still alive - but wait, i guess they've killed me a long time ago, i got to the point where i hate them because i love them so much and even those nasty leather pants and Matty's makeup or him literally licking George's foot can't change how far up their asses i am. Also Matty has to stop harassing Adam, George needs to (not) stop "eye-fucking some more teenagers" while looking good as fuck, Ross is precious as always keep doing ya thing, Matty's dance moves are life, oh and they shouldn't read so much fanfiction.