this is one hot mess

bayaningbituon  asked:

i was just at a thrift store and i saw one of the tmi books and opened it and flipped to a page and read a part where maia is crying and jace comes in and she says she hates crying in front of shadowhunters and jace says 'go to another room then we don't need your sniveling in here' or something like that and i'm like...horrified??? this is what book stans are defending??

lord god, book jace/maia was a HOT MESS AND NO ONE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT THEM OR COMPARE THEM TO SHOW JAIA THAAAANKS! so nasty lmaooo

trimberly hercules au!!!

  • kim is hercules and falls from mt olympus after rita tries to have her killed
  • she reunites with her childhood friend jason (pegasus) after finding out she is a goddess. they don’t quite get along at first but once they put aside their differences they’re inseparable  
  •  together they meet zack, a brash social outcast who used to train the strongest of gods. with his help, kim becomes stronger and learns to manage her strength
  • then she meets trini who, even in a dangerous situation, can’t stop herself from making some smartass comment 
  • “are you alright, miss..?” “trinidad. my friends call me trini. at least they would if I had any”
  • trini is sassy, kim is flustered, jason is laughing, and zack isn’t impressed
  • rita is blackmailing trini, using her to get closer to kim
  • TRINI SINGING I WON’T SAY I’M IN LOVE
  • eventually kim finds out that trini was originally just using her because of rita
  • angst, kim gets her ass kicked, angst, angst, trini dies, more angst
  • kim literally goes to hell to bring her small sass bucket gf back
  • they live happily ever after
Things I learned during my first weekend at college
  • Your parents will hover like crazy and try to help you unpack when you move in. They mean well, but if you’re overwhelmed don’t be afraid to kick them out for a bit. 
  • Don’t ask your RA what bars to hit up in town (like one girl from my floor actually did)
  • Check your e-mail five times a day, your professors might be sending out syllabi or other helpful/important stuff ahead of time. 
  • You will cry at least once while buying textbooks from the campus bookstore that you couldn’t find used on Chegg (sidenote: use Chegg) 
  • Your dining hall probably has pizza available for every meal. Don’t eat pizza for every meal. 
  • Even if you hated salads your entire life, you will learn to love them so that, you know, you don’t eat pizza for every meal. 
  • Check your dining hall hours online. Some of them close between meals. 
  • Leave your door open or do random Internet browsing in the floor lounge if you want to meet more people. 
  • At least one of your posters will constantly fall down no matter how many 3M command strips you use.
  • A lot of campus events are lame. A lot of them are not. Go to as many of them as you can anyways to meet more people.
  • If you need time to yourself, take it. You’ll make friends eventually without having to hang out with them constantly. 
  • Don’t expect to become BFFs with everyone you meet, and don’t expect to become best friends over your first weekend. 
  • If you’re standing if a long period of time, bend/relax your knees every so often. If you keep them locked, you might trigger a nerve in your body that causes you to pass out (this may or may not have happened to me on my second day, oops) 
  • Drink water.
  • Carry an umbrella if there is the slightest chance of rain. Carry one even if there isn’t, just in case. 
  • Carry a sweater or hoodie always. 
  • Pokemon Go is lit on college campuses; every single building is a gym or pokestop and there are lures everywhere. Plus, your eggs hatch in no time because you’re walking everywhere. 
  • It’s okay to eat alone in a dining hall; either no one will care or someone will sit at your table and strike up a conversation.
  • If you really, really don’t want to eat alone, literally just knock on someone’s door in your hall. If they don’t want to go with you, try someone else. Chances are, someone else might be hungry, too or at least willing to walk over with you. 
  • Come up with a roommate agreement. Decide when you’re cleaning, sharing policy, guest policy, light and noise preferences, etc. 
  • If there is a massive involvement fair on campus, research some clubs online so you know what to look for. Otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed in two seconds. 
  • Join a group chat with people on your floor or in the same area of study as you, it’s super helpful for general information.
  • Ask everyone you talk to to add you on Snapchat. 
  • Simple things like taking out the trash or doing laundry will suddenly feel very overwhelming. 
  • You learn a lot of stuff from being in college for only three days and not even taking any classes. 
4

And now, we will rule

Um this isn’t a fandom blog or any kind of blog really but I had this conversation with fellow fannibal @franicie about murder husbands on social media and I. I had to. And then she suggested I put it on here, so. Just a little sketch thing, used references but drew it quickly so excuse my lazy handwriting/general sloppiness!!

2

when did we drift so far apart? (insp)

2

I love him and his dorky fighting stance so so much.

I imagine this is how he was looking at you when you went over to his house for tea and snacks. Flowers and all.

i wish i could do things right and i wish i had motivation to get up

The Marauders as Social Networks

James is Facebook. the original one that everyone know and have. thinks is the coolest, is not. still some cool shit happening though, once in a while. have a cool side and a nerd side, bad jokes, some really stupid ones.

Remus is Twitter. witty short answers, and then really long inspiring rants. not as popular but everyone loves it once they try. both great clever observations and opinions and “wher the fuk is my cofee too early fr this shit”

Sirius is Instagram. pretty cool and popular. a lot of selfies. also black and white pictures with deep quotes that represent the tortured soul of the artist. and obviously “LOOK AT THIS STIM IT IS BRIGHTLY COLOURED AND IT MOOVES OMG”

Peter is Pinterest. underestimated and unpopular but you realize once in a while that a lot of good shit comes from here. always ready to help, sometimes clingy ( “we made a SPECIAL BUTTON that appear on every picture you will ever view isn’t that amazing” )

Regulus is Myspace. emo and dead.

Say it!
  • For malfoyheritage <3
  • Draco: Do that thing!
  • Harry: Draco, really?
  • Draco: Come on! Do it!
  • Harry: I really don't understand why you-
  • Draco: DO IT!
  • Harry: *sighs* Alright.
  • Harry: *lifts Draco up over his head Dirty Dancing-style*
  • Draco: Now say the line like we discussed.
  • Harry: It's kinda obvious, you know?
  • Draco: Harry!
  • Harry: Everyone knows it.
  • Draco: Say it!
  • Harry: *mumbling* Your hair looks better than mine.
  • Draco: *breathing hard* I’ve never needed you as much as I do now!

The more I think about it, the more I want a season of Dirk Gently (or even just a single episode) where the mystery squad meet themselves from an alternate universe, just so we can see

  • CIA!Dirk (a.k.a Agent Icarus) trying to teach canon!Dirk how to fire a sniper rifle before
  • Bonding over milkshakes and swapping stories about the most inconvenient times to get an intuition (they both agree that “when you’re trying to make a good first impression” is very high on the list, though canon!Dirk maintains that “in this one specific cafe just before your assis-friend contracts a painful disease and you get kidnapped by the government” is a clear winner)

anonymous asked:

for the tropes! maybe a matchmaker au?

[put a fanfic trope in my inbox and I’ll describe the fic I’d write!]

OKAY BUT HOW CAN I DO THIS WITHOUT MAKING SHITTY THE MATCHMAKER.

Shitty knows a lot and he knows he knows it. So when the illustrious Jack Zimmermann comes into his “relationship clinic,” Shitty has a thousand pieces of advice for him. First of all, Jack should learn to enjoy himself a little. Nobody wants to date a boy who’s not into having fun. Loosen up. And learn how to make conversation. And maybe learn to flatter a little. Shitty will fix him up with a nice girl, but Shitty’s going to recommend his favorite dating coach, Eric Bittle, to give Jack some lessons on how to treat a lady.

Eric Bittle has a thousand words of advice for Jack as well. They do a mock date, and Eric says things like “Okay, Jack, right now I’m eyeing my phone about to send a text to my best friend telling her to rescue me.” “Jack, I’m stifling a yawn and starting to look at the cute guy in the booth behind us.” “Mr. Zimmermann, that is the sort of thing that would make some girls walk out.”

Jack’s frustrated. Shitty fixes him up with a girl named Samantha, and Jack finds that Eric’s admonishments were scarily accurate. They break down the date later. Eric assures him that he’s not a hopeless case, that he gave it a good honest try, and that’s more than a lot of guys will even give.

Next lesson with Eric. Technique. Literally, how to eat and drink. How to dance. Eric’s as small as some girls, so he gives Jack a dance lesson. Jack’s never enjoyed dancing before, but holding Eric by the waist and guiding him around the dance floor is fun. Fun, due in no small part to the sparkle in Eric’s eyes.

Shitty matches him up with a girl named Camilla. This one goes a lot better. They talk sports, which is great, and Jack pretty much succeeds at the whole technique thing. But the thing is, Jack’s not feeling it. It’s one thing to perform well, but it’s another to have it feel like a performance. He doesn’t have the same rapport with Camilla as he does with Eric. It doesnt feel right.

Shitty frowns at this. “Brah, can I ask you a question?” he says to Jack. “Are you into men?”

Jack shakes his head fiercely. “It has to be a woman,” he says. “It has to. I’m in the NHL.”

Shitty looks at him for a long moment, opens his mouth to speak, and then sighs. “All right,” he says. “You’re the client.”

Third lesson with Eric devolves into a conversation on expectations and feelings. “How will I know when it’s the right person?” Jack asks.

“Oh, honey. You’ll know,” Eric says. “She’ll be easy to talk to. You’ll want to spend more time with her. You won’t want the night to end.”

Jack doesn’t know about that, but he does know that he doesn’t want this lesson to end. Ever.

Jack returns to Shitty and tells him he needs a girl who’s easy to talk to. Shitty frowns and says, “Okay, all right. I don’t usually do this, but I’m gonna set you up with a close personal friend of mine. Larissa’s low-key, she’s smart, she’s interesting… she might be perfect for you. Sound good?”

She does sound good, and Jack’s actually finding he’s somewhat excited for this date. And Larissa is easy to talk to. Better yet, she’s easy to not talk to… the pauses in their conversation are not awkward. Jack definitely feels a connection with her. If there’s a hitch in this date, it’s that Larissa seems to talk about Shitty a little too much.

But when the end of the night comes, and they’re at Larissa’s door – Jack doesn’t want to kiss her. He wants her number, but he wants it so he can text her. Maybe hang out once in a while. But not date. Not kiss, not hold hands with.

Larissa frowns at him. “You’re thinking of someone else,” she says flatly.

And she’s absolutely right.

Jack makes an appointment for a lesson with Eric, and the minute they’re together again, Jack tells him. “I want you,” he says. “I want to date you. No one else.”

Eric’s hesitant, but his eyes are shining. “Oh, Jack, honey,” he says. “That’s not uncommon, for people to think they’ve fallen for their dating coach. It’s an illusion. Because we connected during lessons, it doesn’t mean we really–”

“We really,” Jack says. “I really.”

Eric stares, lost for words. Jack fills in the blanks. “I want to go on dates with you,” he says. “I want to hold hands with you, I want to dance just like we were dancing before. I want to talk to you all night long. I want to wake up next to you. You’re who I was thinking of when I was on those dates. I’m not making this up. It’s for real. You said I’d know…. and I know.”

And now there are tears in Eric’s eyes. “Are… are you sure?”

Jack nods emphatically.

“I– I told myself I was just imagining it,” Eric mumbles. “I told myself, now look here, Eric Richard Bittle, he’s just another client. Another one of the hot messes Shitty works with. Just because he’s doing well at the lessons doesn’t mean–”

Jack shuts him up with a kiss.

Afterward, as they hold each other, Jack says, “You know, Shitty’s a really good matchmaker.”

Eric laughs. “You think?”

“Absolutely.” Jack gives him a grin. “I fell for the very first person he recommended.”