this is not what i wanted to accomplish today

I am really, really excited. Today I accomplished something I have been working directly towards for months, and indirectly towards for years. I’m no good at taking photos, but see the evidence of my triumph below. 

Keep reading

Hey Thighs,

I have had a hard time accepting you as you are regardless of what form you take due to the fact that you are one thick beast. I use to think that was a bad thing, but these days I am in love. As you have probably heard the phrase “thick thighs save lives” is a thing now and while I don’t think we’d make the cut for that club I want you to know that I have the utmost respect for what you have carried me through thus far. I look forward to all of the adventures you will help me have. Also, if you could keep this too yourself that would be great you know how calves can be :/.

Love,

Your Partner in Climbs

ALL. OF. THE. ABOVE. I have the day off, so cleaning, errands, getting some R&R, it is all going down today!

I just turned 25 this last November and I have a hard time accepting that I am not as accomplished as I would like to be. I decided not to go to college immediately and wound up taking a lot more time off before I decided to go. That’s not really the issue though, what bothers me is that within that time I have not traveled more. Hindsight though, right? Fun fact, I do not yet own a passport, but this man got plans so that will be a good start! The photo is one I took in San Francisco at the Music Concourse.

Here is my top five things that I am grateful for.

1. My family in Hawaii who are all alive and well. For those of you who don’t know I am from Maui, HI, currently living in the PNW and on January 13th, 2018 we received an alert warning of an incoming ballistic missile that was “NOT A DRILL.” I called my family immediately when it happened to make sure they were finding shelter, but it turned out it was a false alarm. The circumstances that lead to the false alarm are dwarfed by the fear I felt that day and the fear that Hawaii will carry going forward.

2. The friends that I have both old and new. You all make living so much more interesting than it already is. You accept me, all of me, and for that I could never thank you enough.

3. Being here today. I have really taken for granted the many blessings in my life that I would not be able to indulge in without simply waking up.

4. Being able to share my journey with all of you. I want to make one thing clear, the success that I have been having along this path is influenced heavily by all of you on yours. I hope to one day inspire others who find themselves on one just like this in the way that you all do for me. Thank you

5. The many faces of nature. Sometimes I think that nature is trying to purge itself of the infection known as mankind, don’t you? Even if that’s the case everything it has to offer is stunning and I will always be in awe.

Food is just food and doesn’t have a natural mealtime. This is especially important to remember when you’re dealing with mental illness that makes it hard to eat.

When I’m in a down swing with my depression, I forget to eat/don’t feel like eating. When I do get around to eating, often the only thing I want is something like pancakes, or milk, or apple sauce. And of course it’s 6pm and I feel lame for eating ‘breakfast’ foods. Or it’s 8am and I want fried chicken, and feel like a terrible person for eating dinner at 8 in the morning.

But food is just food. We assign certain foods to certain times of day culturally, but it’s not a biological thing. Your body can digest pizza at 9 in the morning and yogurt at 11pm. Are you eating food? Yes? Then great! It doesn’t matter what ‘kind’ of food you’re eating, as long as you’re nourishing that body of yours. It’s ok to have cheap ramen for breakfast if that’s all you can stand to eat. That’s ok–you ate food today!! That’s a major accomplishment when you’re dealing with an illness that tries to stop you from doing everyday person things. (Especially if you’re recovering from an eating disorder.)

Don’t feel bad if you eat rice for breakfast or muffins for dinner. Food is just food.

colorful headcanons.
  • ( send me a copic color for a headcanon )
  • frost blue: does your muse enjoy the snow and cold? or are they the type to enjoy summer more?
  • peacock blue: is your muse honest? what sorts of lies do they tell, if not?
  • lapis lazuli: does your muse prefer the idea of exploring the depths of the oceans, or the boundless expanses of space more?
  • reddish brass: how likely is your muse to step up and take the role of a leader? are they willing to take the challenge, or are they more apt to being a follower?
  • burnt umber: how stable is your muse, mentally and/or emotionally?
  • champagne: does your muse drink (alcohol)? are they a heavy drinker, if so?
  • tea orange: what is something that your muse is fascinated with?
  • malachite: has your muse ever done anything that they winded up feeling incredibly guilty for in the end?
  • olive: is your muse prone to feeling envious of others? if yes, what is it that they typically feel envious over?
  • vermillion: is your muse courageous, or would they consider themselves to be more of a coward?
  • coral: what is your muse's romantic and sexual orientations?
  • bougainvillaea: would your muse consider themselves as blunt, or do they beat around the bush instead?
  • currant: what's something that absolutely disgusts your muse (can be a person, place, thing, ect)?
  • crimson: how passionate is your muse about the things they love most?
  • raspberry: what food and/or drink can your muse not get enough of? do they indulge in it often, or is it something reserved for special occasions?
  • baby blossoms: does your muse have a favorite scent? what is it, and why?
  • mallow: what sorts of things might remind your muse of those close to them? any scents, objects, sounds?
  • aubergine: does your muse prefer the day, or are they more of a night-owl?
  • acacia: how much does it take for your muse to hate someone?
  • cadmium yellow: what subjects or topics does your muse avoid, because they bring up harmful / painful memories?
  • honey: when your muse loves someone (whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial love), how do they show it?
  • chartreuse: if you had to describe your muse with a color, what color would it be and why?
  • anise: when it comes to self-care, what does your muse do to take care of themselves? do they take care to spend time on it, or do they feel they don't deserve it?
  • new leaf: what message would your muse send to their past self, if any?
  • moss: how easily does your muse adapt to any new situations they're thrust into?
  • silk: does your muse care about appearances much? do they spend a lot of time on their own appearance, or do they just go with the flow each day?
  • sanguine: does your muse typically have an optimistic, pessimistic, or some middle ground outlook on life?
  • atoll: if your muse could go anywhere, without any restrictions whatsoever, where would they go? why would they go there?
  • cool grey: if your muse could ensure one thing for certain in their future to come, what would it be?
  • black: does your muse have a 'bucket list?' list some things your muse wants to accomplish before they die.

This is something I hope all of my followers and the entire studyblr community will read…

Last year was the hardest year of my life and I did not even notice it until I was out of it. To give a little background, I was 19, and becoming a college senior. I completed my bachelor’s degree with a double major, summa cum laude. I worked two jobs, one retail, one as a tour guide, five days a week, and took seven classes in the fall, and eight in the spring, and six in the summer. By March I had lost 16 pounds, was not eating, not sleeping, and drinking four or more cups of coffee a day. I had a boyfriend, friends, a roommate, I was president of a club, vice president of another, and working as vice president of one club’s international leadership program as one of five student board members across sixty-three countries. I studied for my LSAT, took the exam, and applied to law school. And in August, I will be the youngest person in my law school.

I pushed myself harder and further than I ever imagined, and though I sometimes (often) felt like it, I never cracked, gave up, or even collapsed. I did not always take care of myself, physically, mentally, or emotionally though, and I failed myself there, but I was so driven, so determined, that none of that mattered to me at that moment. I do not regret that or any of the choices I have made, but I pressured myself more than anyone ever has, and more than I ever have. I accomplished unbelievable things, but at an insane cost - my health.

Often in this community I receive messages, and see posts, encouraging you to never give up, and to always push yourself to get that A, pass that test, graduate, or to overcome whatever academic or otherwise challenges you are facing. Almost daily I receive messages asking how I do it. “How did you graduate at 20?”, “How do you keep up with all of your commitments?”, and even, “You are so amazing, I could never do it like you do”. But I am here to tell you well, it is not pretty. I went days without eating a meal at times. Days without washing my hair, of wearing the same torn leggings and a hoodie because a grade meant more to me than I meant to myself. I got walking pneumonia at the end of the spring term because I had pushed myself too hard and spent weeks telling myself I could not afford to be sick today, tomorrow, or the next day. I wore myself down so much that I had a doctor literally tell me that now at 20 years old, if I do not tone down the stress and pressure I subject myself to, that I could give myself a stroke. A stroke, 20 years old!

Being a perfectionist, and being so overwhelmingly addicted to my studies, is not glamorous.

I am making this post not to brag about my accomplishments, but because I receive messages daily idolizing me and what I have done. I want everyone to know that this is not easy. Having a dream is hard work, and I have been unfairly hard on myself. Just because you do not see someone’s cracks and scars, does not mean they are not there. I have worked hard, and have earned these things, but I have made sacrifices I would hate to see anyone else make.

In 10 days I move across the country to start law school, and I am terrified that I will allow myself to do this all over again. I am not afraid of the move, or of law school, but of myself and how I talk to myself and treat myself, and the amount of stress and pressure I am willing to apply to myself, without hesitation. In a month I have law school orientation, and have set up a meeting with one of the school’s onsite trauma therapists. I refuse to let myself be my own greatest roadblock. I have to learn to love myself. It is not fair to your body and mind to put grades above yourself. I now full heartedly believe that a grade is not worth your health. I will no longer break my back bending over backwards for an A+. I will no longer let myself go days without food and rest because I want this essay to be perfect, or my presentation to go as planned, second by second. I will allow myself to be happy, well rested, well fed, and healthy. I will love myself, and this is a promise I am making to myself and to all of you, and a promise I hope you all can make to yourselves as well.

I promise.

TLDR; Be dedicated, and determined to get what you want, but do not sacrifice your health, mental, physical, or emotional, for a grade, a diploma, a degree… You are worth so much more than a letter on a piece of paper, and it is okay to sometimes need to hear that. I know I did.

Studying with Mental Illness: Self-Care
  • Eating and Drinking:
    Make sure you eat food, and drink water regularly. Carry a water bottle everywhere you go if it helps. I always have a water bottle, and something I can snack on in my bag, because I tend to forget otherwise. Eat healthy foods where you can, but honestly, something is better than nothing. Take the time to eat, and drink. Nutrition and hydration is important for fueling your body and will help you focus, and stay focused. 

  • Taking breaks:
    These are necessary. It doesn’t have to be long, but you should aim to take at least five minutes every hour, and some longer ones here and there. It can be hard to stay focused, and you can burn yourself out easily if you try and study for hours on end, day after day. Listen to your needs. Getting a headache? Take a short break. 

  • Mental Health Days:
     We’ve all had those days where we’ve had good intentions to write notes on some chapters, maybe work on an assignment, read a chapter in the text book, or whatever, only to wake up, and feel like our mental illness is getting the better of us, and study just isn’t on your radar. It’s okay to take a day off to do something mindless, or enjoyable, or relaxing. It’s important to take these days when we need too. Don’t feel ashamed to take a day off for your mental health. 

  • Socialising:
    Go to that party, catch up with that friend for coffee, Skype with that friend, catch up with your dash board, or Facebook news feed, whatever it is, it’s okay to do those things. Just as long as you don’t always do those things. Not letting yourself do those things, especially when you’ve been struggling with mental illness and motivation to study, and you take your socialising away from yourself entirely as punishment, can contribute to the cycle of not studying. Find a balance that works for you.

  • Talk to someone:
    A therapist, a friend, a significant other, sibling, parent, teacher, whoever. If you trust them, and ask if it’s okay to talk to them about things that are bothering you/going on for you, then you should talk to them. Talking about things can really help you to start working through things one by one when it all seems overwhelming, and upsetting. Also, don’t be afraid to let your teachers/professors know that you are going through difficult times. Utilise the programs and resources your school/college/university has to offer. Ask for that extension if you need it.

  • Exercise/Stretching:
    It’s good to not only have a regular routine for your overall physical health, and fitness, but during your study sessions, it’s also good to get up, and move around, and do some stretches every once in a while. Just like with taking breaks, you can use those break times to incorporate some movement. Get up, walk around the house, stretch, do some star jumps (I think some people call them jumping jacks???). I am terrible with exercise regimes. I am working on trying to include walking around the block, weights and resistance, and other things into my week, because I know that exercise is supposed to help with focus, and my overall physical health. And it’s supposed to help with mental health too.

  • Sleep:
    Get some sleep, and get some good sleep! 7-9 hours of good quality sleep per night, is ideal for most people. Know yourself, and how much sleep you need. I personally need about 8 hours, anything less and I struggle. Sleep can be hard if you’re struggling with insomnia (I do) but giving yourself as much opportunity to sleep as possible (within reason), will really help. Also, taking naps during the day can really be helpful. I often take short naps when I get home from classes, because I find it helps me to consolidate the knowledge better, and revitalises my body, and my mind for me to continue with my day, as classes take a lot out of me mentally, and physically. Don’t stay up all night, you’re better off getting some sleep earlier, and getting up earlier. And take naps if you need too!

  • Be fair to yourself: 
    This is really important. Know your needs, and treat yourself fairly. Even if you don’t get everything done that you wanted, even if you had to take a mental health day when you have so much to do, it’s okay. Your feelings are valid, and you are not weak/worthless/incompetent/insert other self-hating statement here. You’ve done so well to accomplish what you have managed today. You are amazing. 

    This is the last post to my post series Studying with Mental Illness:  Some Ideas for Studying, Motivation, and Self-care. Here can find my general post, studying post, and motivation post. Thank you for reading. I know these ideas won’t work for everyone, but I hope that they might be useful to someone. Take care. 

tips for a levels (especially if u struggle with mental illnesses)

- MAKE LISTS!!!! write down everything u need to get done!! but dont spend all ur time making a list all pretty and neat!

- if ur studying at home make sure ur comfy but never work in ur pjs. u feel yucky and unclean and its so much better to just change into clean sweatpants or pj bottoms rather than stay in the ones u were wearing

- put ur phone on flight mode, and put it across the room. it WILL distract u even if u think it wont outta sight outta mind

- listen to music with no lyrics bc it will get all jumbly inside ur brain and u will be too busy jamming out to focus

- SEEK HELP FROM UR TEACHERS!!!! go to see them in ur frees or at lunch or email them they are there to help u i promise!

- try to shower everyday, not only will it make u feel a lot better but it will also make u feel productive too. u dont even need to wash ur hair just jump in and jump out.

- im a huge hypocrite for this but dont spend all ur time making ur notes #aesthetic !!!! ur learning is more important like yes use highlighters and banners if u must but as long as ur notes are readable and understandable thats all that matters!!!! 

- take a 5 min break every once in a while to pee, fill up ur drink and stretch.

- if ur having a bed day and u just Cant Move, try watching educational youtube videos. at least then u can lay in bed and maybe learn some new things. u can also read in bed and write essays if u have a laptop but its a lot better to work on a desk far away from ur bed bc it will make u feel a lot more productive.

- MAKE SURE U DRINK AND EAT honestly and i dont mean a coffee for breakfast and 3 chocolate bars for dinner pls give urself the nutrition u need to Function !!!!!!! (ik it can be v hard especially for those with eds but just try ur best to keep urself at a functional level)

- set urself small and realistic goals such as ‘’by the end of today i want to have finished this worksheet’’ because 1 it will encourage u to get it done and 2 u will feel a lot more accomplished when u do more than what u were planning to do!!!

Mornings

Presley Series

Oh man having two kids with a crazy schedule like you two have is difficult. Especially when you have a 7 year old that’s in dance. A 2 year old that is learning what the word no means. A husband that is on tour. And yourself, going back to school to finally get that degree. 

Shawn got back late last night and is completely passed out this morning, and you figured that since you’ve had the kids alone since he’s been on, one more morning wouldn’t hurt.

But the kids are amped up, excited to see their Dad.

“Mommy, why isn’t Daddy up?” Presley asks as she dances around the kitchen, kicking you in the shin.

Keep reading

Me: Starting today, I am going to budget my money, eat healthy, fix my sleep schedule, and I am going to manage my time to ensure what I need to accomplish gets done.

Me the next day: Yesterday I spent eight dollars on a bag of chocolate, ate the entire thing in one sitting, didn’t go to sleep until 3am, and all I did was watch RIP Vine compilations :)

Nate Bittinger

Rant:

“Man, this past month has been one to say the least.. Not for just myself but so many other people I see struggling. Recently, I feel like I’ve done some growing up. The last couple days I’ve been pretty upset about letting some people go (some other things as well). But, today I woke up with a totally different mentality. Today I woke up saying fuck all the depressing stuff that I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve got goals I’ve set and they need to get done in order to move forward with life. I’ve never been the strongest mentally or physically but today I woke up with a clear mind, knowing what I have set in front of myself and knowing what it takes to accomplish these things. People will come and go, this is a fact. At the end of the day they can be replaced, your time is something that can’t be. So, fueled by the spite in my heart I can promise that I’ll work harder now to accomplish my goals and progress on without them. I’ve always been a firm believer that if you want something bad enough and work for it, you will get it. Regardless, I’ve always had this kind of outlook in life, that I always need to feel like I’m moving forward. I see so many people out drinking every weekend then complain about not having money, etc. I wish I could see more people working at 2am, like myself, than people throwing their time out of the window. Maybe I just haven’t settled yet, who knows. As of now, I have my goals, I have 2-3 people who are willing to progress with me, so let’s get it. I’m sure some people lately may have viewed me as selfish. But, if I’ve learned anything since I’ve graduated college, I’ve learned that with most people these days you have to do what’s best for you instead of catering to everyone around you. I’ve started tracking and really taking all of my goals seriously (gym, job, art). I challenge anyone else to do the same. I don’t care if you want to be the best ditch digger, let’s set goals and let’s crush them. People said they were done messing around in 2015, how far have you really come since? “

The Future Is Mine

I’m going to get through this.
I’m going to get my shit together.
I’m going to be able to leave the house and not have a panic attack.
I’m going to be able to go out to eat and not throw it up when I’m done.
I’m going to finish my degree and be proud:
I’m going to be able to get a job that I love.
I’m going to be able to pack my bags and move to California like I’ve always wanted to.
I’m going to make friends and maintain relationships.
I’m going to find someone and fall in love.
I’m going to travel to the places on my bucket list.
I’m going to accomplish the things I’ve wanted since I was 16.
I’m going to find peace with myself.
I’m going to follow my heart.
I’m going to make 7 year old me proud.
What am I waiting for…I’m starting today.

hufflebee  asked:

prompt: alec finding out pride month is a thing, that gay clubs exist and asks magnus is they could go to one (bc alec finding out about safe lgbt+ spaces makes me so happy)

“all month?”

“yes, for the third time, all month!” magnus laughed at the ecstatic, almost goofy smile on alec’s face as they sat on the couch facing each other, magnus’ arms around alec’s neck and alec’s hands running up and down his sides in a soothing and comforting way.

"so it’s like….one big party,” alec chewed on his lip in a way that magnus found adorable, his brow furrowed as he thought it all out. “one big, happy, proud party.”

magnus’ smile was as soft as the sound of wind chimes. “yes, my love. it’s where you can celebrate who you are with people who understand and accept you and love you. but ‘party’ is too meager of a word to describe pride. it’s….well, it’s a time to rejoice, to look at the world and say this is who I am and everyone around me loves me for that and even though pride month is only, of course, one month long, that pride and happiness does not go away. you meet so many wonderful people there and it’s colorful and there’s so much unity and love and joy in the air that you feel like you can fly.”

alec was quiet for a second, but the smile on his face and the hope in his eyes was louder than words could ever be. “can we go?” he asked and magnus almost swooned at how beautiful he looked in that moment. he chuckled warmly and rested his forehead against alec’s.

"of course, darling. i’ll hold your hand the entire time and kiss you lots because I want the world to know that you are my beautiful boyfriend,” he kissed alec on both cheeks and poked one of them with his finger. “i could paint a rainbow flag on your cheek when we go, if you want. and we could invite everyone else to go, too.”

“ i would like that. i want to go with just you first, though. so we can be together and i can show you off,” alec said mischievously and nuzzled magnus’ cheek as his boyfriend laughed, his warm breath tickling his skin.

“i want my first pride to be with you so it can be about just us. so i can be proud of you and all you have been through, of us and what we’ve accomplished together, and of me and how far i’ve come to be who i am today. but yeah, i’d love to go with everyone someday.” alec pulled magnus in for a kiss, humming against his lips and tasting of mint and something so sweet and familiar and alec .

"i still have to take you to a gay club someday. i think you would love it.” magnus added thoughtfully when he pulled away and alec’s eyes were as huge as saucers.

"there are gay clubs, too?! that’s so amazing, beyond amazing!!!!! tell me all about them!!!!! is there one nearby that we can go too? what are they like? this is fantastic, magnus! wow, i’ve regained hope in mundanes.” alec replied breathlessly and magnus giggled, already murmuring “yes” against alec’s lips as he repeated the phrase “can we go?” at least ten times before their mouths met for a loving and tender kiss.

pulse shooting

exactly one year ago today was the shooting at pulse… and i know no one cares anymore and only like 3 people might see this but i’m too scared to voice this anywhere people i know irl will see it
when i found out, i was sitting at my grandma’s breakfast room table. we were looking at places for our next family reunion. i opened the computer to look at cabins… and as google loaded, i saw the news link… “more than 50 injured in mass shooting in orlando.”
my mom asked me what was taking so long, but i couldn’t answer. i was in so much shock because of what had happened… i couldn’t speak, or even move. once i had gotten over the initial shock, i helped to research cabins, but it wasn’t the only thing on my mind. this horrible thing had happened and i knew nothing. i opened articles, read what had happened. it was a gay night club on latinx night. this wasn’t just a mass shooting. it was a mass shooting done with the intent of being a hate crime. we went throughout the rest of the day, the younger ones wondering why some of the flags were being flown at half mast and some weren’t, and the older ones explaining that it was nothing for them to worry about. hell, i was told it was nothing for me to worry about. i was forced to research it and keep myself updated. 34 injured, 26 dead. i asked my grandma what she felt about what had happened. she told me that if she were there, she would have stopped the man or died trying. i asked her husband, he said he would stop the man and protect my grandmother or die trying. 42 injured, 35 dead. I asked my other grandfather what he felt. he said if he would’ve been there, he might not have stopped him. to this day i’m not sure how to feel about that. 48 injured, 38 dead. i lay in bed that evening, trying to make sense of why this event is affecting me at this level. is it because i knew what happened soon after it happened? is it because i’m part of the lgbt+ community? that day was the first time it really seemed like a community to me. as i try to learn more, i find that there was a near-bombing at san francisco pride the day before. my friend was there. she could’ve been… gone. 53 injured, 49 dead. the gunman shot himself after shooting all the others. 53 injured, 49 dead. he could never count in the casualties, the casualties are his fault in the first place. 53 injured, 49 dead. a week later i read a buzzfeed article that gives the audio of his phone call to the police. he claims to worship allah and be part of isis. i’m not muslim, but i’m almost certain there’s something in their holy book about peace. 53 injured, 49 dead.
today i read an article about kaliesha andino, who was injured there. she is still struggling, fighting to recover.
omar mateen, if you’re somehow reading this from hell, are you happy? is this what you wanted to accomplish? was it worth it?
i’m going to end this with the names of those who died. that is the only appropriate way to end it, i think.

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old
Amanda L. Alvear, 25 years old
Oscar A. Aracena Montero, 26 years old
Rodolfo Ayala Ayala, 33 years old
Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old
Angel Candelario-Padro, 28 years old
Juan Chavez Martinez, 25 years old
Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
Cory James Connell, 21 years old
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old
Simón Adrian Carrillo Fernández, 31 years old
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old
Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old
Peter Ommy Gonzalez Cruz, 22 years old
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old
Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old
Frank Hernandez, 27 years old
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old
Javier Jorge Reyes, 40 years old
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old
Anthony Luis Laureano Disla, 25 years old
Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old
Brenda Marquez McCool, 49 years old
Gilberto R. Silva Menendez, 25 years old
Kimberly Jean Morris, 37 years old
Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old
Luis Omar Ocasio Capo, 20 years old
Geraldo A. Ortiz Jimenez, 25 years old
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old
Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old
Jean Carlos Nieves Rodríguez, 27 years old
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano-Rosado, 35 years old
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old
Yilmary Rodríguez Solivan, 24 years old
Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old
Jonathan A. Camuy Vega, 24 years old
Juan Pablo Rivera Velázquez, 37 years old
Luis Sergio Vielma, 22 years old
Franky Jimmy DeJesus Velázquez, 50 years old
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old

tl;dr
the orlando shooting was not okay. if you want to hear facts spouted at you from news outlets today, go ahead. sometimes, though, stories are the best way to impact lives.

anonymous asked:

Got any new headcanons for us about anything? I am running low and read everything.

SURE DO BUDDY 

HAVE SOME, SPLIT INTO APPROPRIATE CATEGORIES (world building, aizawa, shinsou, mic, and other random headcanons, it’s really fucking long)

world building:

-this is gonna show up in something im writing and will publish pretty soon, but i’d imagine that it’s probably pretty easy to sign kids over to the state if they have a ‘dangerous’ quirk and have hurt people with it. this could fall under the whole problem kids thing, where kids can be surrendered because of behavioral issues, except it’s based on quirks. i’ll get to this on the next point, but this probably happens to a lot of kids with psychological manipulation quirks or quirks like chisaki’s and hand man’s 

-there’s definitely a lot of discrimination against non-physical quirks. physical emitter quirks are considered to be the top tier for heroes because they’re flashy and pretty and it’s different than what the average person can do. physical transformation quirks are next, with quirks like mt. lady’s being the most popular for heroes because again, it’s something cool and flashy to look at. psychological quirks are considered more bottom-tier, especially if they manipulate something, whether that’s taking something away (ie: control) or adding something (ie: thought/emotion suggestion). people are afraid of being manipulated, and tend to throw these people under the bus so that they never use their quirk on anyone. 

-hybrids also tend to get some shit. some people treat them like animals or use it as a point for stereotyping/bullying in kids, especially the more obvious hybrids.

-on the point of hybrids, it’s considered rude in polite society to do that, even if it’s just passive stuff like asking to pet sansa the detective. 

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Downgraded From A Hurricane (Lin-Manuel x Reader)

Summary: Your husband is a drama queen when he’s sick and you’re stuck taking care of him. You’d never admit it aloud but you’re amused with his antics.

Word Count: 650

Warnings: There’s virtually no plot to this, I stole lines from the video, and Lin is whiny. Other than those three things, nothing really.

A/N: I promised one more post today and here it is, right before I head out for the night. Feel free to continue to yell at me in my inbox or the tags - I live for the feedback tbh and I’d love to have some when I get home tonight.

This is 100% inspired by the beginning of a sad sadsters, this one in fact. You can blame @gratitudejoyandsorrow because she is the reason this even happened.
_____________________________

“Don’t you have work today, honey?” you entered your shared bedroom after just getting back from breakfast with your friend. You were surprised to see Lin still in bed this late in the day.

“I called in sick today.” Lin’s voice was muffled from the pillow his face as buried in but you could hear his hoarse voice and stuffed nose despite it.

“Have you taken any cold medicine yet?” your eyes scan his nightstand for traces of anything he might’ve done to counteract this flu.

“I only have enough energy to accomplish one thing today and I didn’t want my last act on this earth to be getting out of bed to take cold medicine.” Lin said dramatically and you rolled your eyes with a snort.

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Hi! I just wanted to share some great news. I graduated today! After 6 long years of dropping in and out of school, dealing with depression and anxiety and (surprise!) undiagnosed ADHD, I finally got my high school diploma at 20 years old! For anyone reading, if you still have opportunities to get your diploma, take it! Don’t give up! And if you do, keep trying for as long as you can! Even if you don’t get your diploma, you’d be surprised what you can accomplish! Just wanted to share some positivity tonight. :)

anonymous asked:

Hi, I was wondering if you could do some head cannons for RFA, Saeran and Vanderwood with an Mc who has agoraphobia and they end up getting bullied at the store and break down because of it? This just happened to me the other day by a few people and the words that were said just keep repeating over and over again...

I first want to say that I am appalled that this happened to you. You certainly did not deserve this. I commend you for being so strong. I understand how hard it gets, and how hard it is to step out of your comfort zone and do what is uncomfortable. But I think you are doing a great job and I really applaud you for that.

Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. My messages are always open for talking. <3

RFA + Saeran and Vanderwood defending MC with agoraphobia getting bullied at a store

~~~

Yoosung

  • Yoosung was horrified.
  • He was so impressed with how strong and courageous you were, deciding to leave the house and accompanying him to do grocery shopping. 
  • You both walked hand in hand, him talking to you to keep you distracted from anything that may worry you.
  • Now you two stood in the food isle, however you were bawling into your hands as your entire body shook.
  • The two girls who stood in front of you laughing, stalk off, leaving you alone in the isle.
  • Yoosung was torn between running after them or staying to comfort you; in a sense he did both.
  • He started to follow behind them and shouted back at them; “You guys wont get away with this! I’ll report you… whoever you are!!”
  • And then he quickly rushed back to your side, his arms going around you as he held you to his chest.
  • He could feel you falling against him, so he slowly slid to the ground with you in his arms, not caring if you guys were still in the middle of a grocery store.
  • “Shh… it’s ok. They’re gone. It’s ok, you’re doing so good. Breathe with me. I’m gonna take you home but I need you to breathe first.”
  • After a few minutes on the ground, working on breathing exercises with Yoosung, you got your breath back, but you were still shaken up and crying slightly.
  • You nearly panicked again when you realized you were still in the grocery store and that anyone can turn down the aisle and see you guys.
  • “It’s ok, baby. I’m taking you home.”
  • At home, you were still pretty upset and shut yourself in your room.
  • Yoosung came to find you curled in a ball under the covers. He set the dinner he made for you on the nightstand and got under the covers with you, curling around you so he could hold you close. The two of you cuddled together silently at first before you broke the silence, pitifully saying, “I can still hear their words.”
  • “Here, replace those with these words; you’re so strong and I’m so proud of you. You stepped way out of your comfort zone and took a huge step coming to the grocery store with me. What those girls did to you was so mean, and Seven is going to help me destroy them, but you shouldn’t focus on it. Instead, try to focus on the huge achievement you made today. We went grocery shopping! And we were having fun! And when you are ready, we can do it again. And we’ll wait for however much time you need to go back out again. I love you, cutie!”

Zen

  • This… he never expected this from a fan.
  • Many times before, Zen, with your permission, would talk about how you were agoraphobic to bring more awareness to disorder.
  • For the most part, many people praised him and you for being so strong and eager to bring awareness to it. Sure, there are always the couple people who say a few rude things, but it was only ever on social media.
  • And Zen did a pretty good job at hiding it from you.
  • But now out in public, having taken a huge step in going shopping with him, you were beggin harassed by a fan.
  • They taunted you first for your appearance, told you you were not good enough for Zen, and marveled in how you crumpled to the floor behind a clothes rack, trying to hide yourself from prying eyes.
  • “What the fuck is wrong with you? How dare you say that to my love? How dare you laugh at her? Can’t you see she’s in pain? Get out of my sight. You are not a fan of mine.
  • Zen bellowed at the girl that she nearly pissed herself. She tried apologizing but Zen shooed her off, telling her his forum would be hearing about this, and he’d report her to the store managers.
  • He slowly kneeled to the ground besides you. He didn’t touch you; he didn’t know if you would be comfortable with that at the moment, so he spoke to you softly and carefully began to coax you off the ground so he could take you home.
  • You guys had walked to the store. You were very anxious to get home so he quickly called an cab to get you guys home quickly. Zen gave them a pretty good tip for breaking some traffic laws.
  • Once back at home, Zen carried you bridal style to the bedroom. He helped you settle down by rubbing your back, bringing you hot tea, massaging your shoulders.
  • “Jagi? How are you feeling?”
  • You didn’t respond for a moment, but when you finally did and your voice croaked, that was an enough of an answer for Zen. He sighed, laying down next to you and carefully wrapping his arm around your waist. “Can I sing to you, babe?” You nodded slowly, and Zen grinned, singing to you softly until you fell asleep in his arms. He stayed with you for the rest of the night, making sure you were ok.

Jaehee

  • Jaehee was very calm and knew exactly what to do after you broke down in the store. She has aided you with many of your panic attacks before,
  • However, the difference between this one was she was fighting back the urge to go after the two college students who berated you in the store, causing you to break down and causing you to panic.
  • You wanted to go home.
  • Jaehee would get you home, but she couldn’t get you there quick considering you guys were at a department store all the way in the center of Seoul.
  • She used her resources with Jumin as an advantage, calling him and telling him it was an emergency and that she needed someone to pick you and her up as fast as possible, and she promised she’d find a way to make it up to Jumin.
  • She wrapped her arms around you, pulling you close to her as you guys rested against the wall.
  • It truly broke her heart to see and feel you breaking in front of her.
  • She stroked your hair and rubbed circles onto your back, she quietly shushed you and rocked you back and forth to keep you distracted.
  • “None of what they said was true. None of it.”
  • “I-I keep hearing them. Over and over…”
  • “I know, I know, but you have to trust and believe me. They’re… they’re little bitches ok?”
  • Jaehee hardly curses but she couldn’t contain herself at the moment. 
  • When Jumin’s car finally arrived, Jaehee wrapped her arm around your shoulder and guided you to the car.
  • “Thank you, Driver Kim,” Jaehee said softly.
  • Finally back at home, Jaehee set you down on the couch and kneeled before you. She was going to get you a cup of tea, make you something to eat, then she would set up one of Zen’s musicals for you guys to watch, but first she needed to make sure you were ok.
  • She knew you being completely ok was not possible, but she wanted to make sure you were calmer. That you felt safe.
  • “Can you promise me you will not let what those two idiots did today take away from the amazing accomplishment you made? Right now, that might be hard. So hear me when I say I am so proud of what you accomplished today.”

Jumin

  • Unfortunately, Jumin was not there to see the harassment you endured as he was checking out ties in the mens section.
  • It was one of the body guards that came running to him to inform him you were on the ground having a panic attack.
  • He frantically ran down isles until he found you crouched on the ground, two other security guards awkwardly trying to help you.
  • Jumin bent down and scooped you up in his arms, holding your body that racked with sobs close to him.
  • “Try to calm down. Try to focus on your breathing. Listen to my heart, my love, that will help you.
  • “T-they…”
  • “Don’t try to speak right now,” he cuts you off. “When you’re home and relaxed you can tell me.”
  • The ride home felt brutally long for you, though you knew it was only a ten minute drive. The minutes just seemed to go by so slowly as you relived the bullying in your head all over again.
  • Whenever your body would start to shake particularly bad, Jumin would tighten his arms around you, and if he felt like it would bring you some comfort without startling you too much, would pepper your face with kisses.
  • Back at home, you sat at the dining room table with a blanket around your shoulders, Elizabeth in your lap, and a cup of hot chocolate and cookies in front of you.
  • You sipped at your drink quietly as a few tears glided down your face, and you waited for Jumin to return.
  • In the end, a security guard who witnessed what happened told Jumin while you calmed down.
  • Jumin was first furious that the guards didn’t do anything to stop it; he settled down when they told him that they did try, however, they were kinda more focused on making sure you were safe and ok. 
  • Then Jumin was furious that these two people decided to publicly humiliate and bully you.
  • Were they aware of your condition? Even if they were not, what human being gets pleasure out of making another feel bad about themselves?
  • With the help of Seven, he was able to get recordings of the two people who harassed you, and was then able to take legal actions against them for harassment.
  • It took you awhile to go back out again, but soon enough you decided you wanted to try going to the mall again, knowing this time the possibilities of getting harassed were very slim.
  • For one, there was a restraining order against the two people who bullied you. And second, Jumin would not be leaving your side this time.
  • The whole day he continued to tell you just how proud he was of you, and how impressed he was that you were able to overcome this and were still willing to try to face your anxiety.

Seven/Saeyoung

  • Seven booked it from the drink isle when he heard your pained howl.
  • He gasped when he saw two girls standing above you, laughing as you curled into a ball on the floor, crying that you wanted to go home and begging them to leave you alone.
  • He was furious. And Seven is pretty scary when he’s mad.
  • He was ready to f i g h t but his first and foremost priority was to just get you out of there, so he yelled at the two girl who ran off kinda scared, and he bent down to your level.
  • “Hey? Honey? They’re gone now. You’re going to be ok. I’m going to take you home. Here, get on my back.”
  • You two had walked to the grocery store, which was a good ten minute walk from the bunker. Seven made it a five minute journey home by running with you on his back.
  • Training as a secret agent paid off.
  • He settled you down on the couch then knelt before you, taking a hold of your hands, rubbing his thumbs soothingly into your palms.
  • “Alright, let’s steady your breathing first, ok? We’re going to do this together. Ready? Breathe in… breathe out.”
  • This went on for about five minutes until your breathing came back to normal. He laid you down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around you and staying besides you, stroking your hair.
  • “Can you tell me what they said to you?” When you began to shake, he gently soothed. “You don’t have to, honey. Hey, look at me. Just focus on me.”
  • “I keep hearing what they said.”
  • Seven nodding, understanding it completely. “I know. It must be really hard and upsetting. Would you like me to tell you a story to help distract you from that? I have a few funny ones up my sleeves. One consists of Vanderwood getting pantsed!”
  • You giggled softly, nodding, and Seven began with his story. For the rest of the night, Seven stayed by your side. There were a few jokes here and there but for the most part he was serious. It was odd to see him so serious, but a serious Seven seemed to be what you needed the most at that moment. You could have your jockster boyfriend back tomorrow. For now, you found comfort in his soothing and careful ministrations.

Saeran/Unknown

  • He was going to make those two pieces of shits pay for trying degrade you, for trying to humiliate you, for upsetting you, for causing you to break down in the middle of the isle frozen foods isle.
  • You guys were out getting more ice cream. This was suppose to be a nice time for the both of you. 
  • This was supposed to be beneficial for the both of you, a way for you both to get out of your comfort zones together.
  • You had already been so hesitant about going to the grocery store. But you wanted to try to set an example for him, and to help him feel comfortable in the world.
  • You wanted to feel comfortable in the world.
  • Going out to the grocery store was such a big step for you, considering you couldn’t remember the last time you had left the bunker.
  • And these pieces of shit had to ruin it.
  • Saeran chucked his carton of ice cream at the two people; one girl, one boy. He could only presume they were in a relationship, but hell, he didn’t care.
  • He wondered if they were people you knew, or just random strangers. If they were random strangers, why were they making fun of you? Did they just pick a random victim? Had you began to break down feeling anxious before he came, and they walked in on it?
  • He had a lot of questions but he would get to the bottom of it later.
  • The boy charged at Saeran but Saeran was much quicker, and much stronger, and was easily able to pin the guy down, as well as give him a few solid punches.
  • “How dare you fucking hurt her? How dare you make fun of my girl? You’re not ruining this for us!”
  • Saeran flung the man across the isle then bent down to pick you up. You had crumbled to the ground after the first initial taunt.
  • He was very careful not to hurt you, and very careful not to startle you; He thought back to when he would have panic attacks and how at first he did not like to be touched. It was only till he felt comfortable with you that he craved your touch, and it was only your touch that could calm him down. However, you did not seem to attest to his touch, so with you cradled bridal style against his chest, he rushed out the door and to his car.
  • He sped and broke every traffic law, his hands gripping the car wheel so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.
  • Back at the bunker, Saeran immediately began demanding for Seven to give him access to the more high tech computers so he could get to work on giving the bastards more hell.
  • He’d ruin them, dammit.
  • While he worked taking money from their bank account, posting shit about them on all their social medias, releasing private information about them, and more, you name it, you stayed cooped in the living room. Seven and Vanderwood both did their part in trying to make you feel better as Saeran worked.
  • Seven shared with you his honey buddha chips and Vanderwood gave you advice on dealing with bullies.
  • You appreciate all of their efforts but it was only being wrapped in Saeran’s embrace that could comfort you. The two of you laid in silence for awhile in your shared bed. Usually, you were the big spoon when you cuddled, but today he was. You rested between his legs, your upper body resting on his chest. Your ear was just above his heart, and your hair tickled his nose as he every so often placed kisses to the top of your head.  
  • “I’m sorry,” he said softly.
  • “What are you apologizing for?”
  • “This was supposed to be a day for us to face our anxieties together, and it was ruined. And I didn’t make it better by fighting. This shit wasn’t supposed to happen. We were suppose to get better.
  • You smiled softly into his chest, leaning up a little to stroke his cheek. “It’s going to take more than one day for us to ‘get better’, Saeran. And I think you know that too. It’s through many days that we make improvements. This was… a setback, but only that. When I… we are ready, we will go back out together. It might take a bit, but we will. I know we will. And we’ll be stronger than ever.”
  • A blush flushed across Saeran’s face, but he quickly hid his face into the crook of your neck, hugging you a little tighter. You were right. He would focus on that. He would focus on making you feel better now, assuring you how strong you were, and when the both of you were ready to go back out again, you will, and as you said, you’ll be stronger than ever.

Vanderwood

  • His taser was too good for them,
  • but hell, they would not get away with this.
  • “You disgusting excuse of a human being,” he spits at the two dumbstruck girls who were spatting insults at you, now frozen in their place as they realized you had a boyfriend who was practically made of steel, and easily looked as if they could crush them.
  • He quickly grabbed your frantic and shaking form, one arm going around your shoulder, the free hand he had taking a hold of one of your hands.
  • He walked at a fast pace, bringing you out the door and rushing to get you to the car so you could break down properly away from prying eyes.
  • The whole time, he was whispering to you, “Hold on, we’re almost there. You’re ok. I’m getting you home.”
  • He buckled your seat belt, put your seat down a bit so you could relax and he sped back to your shared apartment.
  • Your breathing had become erratic at this point. Having been with you for awhile, he knows how to help you during your panic attacks, and what to do to get your breathing back to normal. Granted, you had never had one that seemed to reach this extent, bu he was sure the same tactics would work.
  • He forced your legs apart and bent you down so your head was between them. He rubbed your back and gently coaxed you into mimicking his breathing until it was back to normal.
  • He pulled you back up and let you fall against him. He took his gloves off and wiped a few stray tears with his thumbs.
  • Vanderwood positioned you so your legs were draped over his, and your back was resting against the arm of the couch. He took a hold of your hand and with his finger tilted your head up a bit so you could look at him.
  • “Don’t let what they did to you today ruin what you were able to accomplish.”
  • “I didn’t accomplish anything,” you spat.
  • “You know that’s not true,” he says sternly, but not harshly. His voice was still soft, a rare thing for Vanderwood. “It was your decision to make this leap and to go shopping for cleaning supplies with me. I did not make you do this, you were the one who wanted to face your anxieties. You were able to go out today because you are strong. And you’re going to get through this because you are STRONG.”
  • You sniffled, whipping at your eyes and trying not to break down again. “I… I don’t want to go back out.”
  • We don’t have to. You did good today. Just focus on that. You did so, so good.”

~~~

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"One month from now"

I have never had the foresight or thought for “one month from now.” I was always too impatient and too unhappy at the moment and I would get so caught up in just wanting to be where I wanted right now at that moment.

So today, out of nowhere, while beating myself up for screwing up, I thought, “Hey, look what you accomplished in just over a month. You’ve dropped 16 lbs. Just think of how great you’ll look in just one more month.“ And it was like a lightbulb went on in my head.

In one more month, I could look fantastic, I could have the gorgeous toned beautiful legs I have always wanted. This is the most motivating epiphany I have ever had.

5/27/17

First, let me tell you about a few of the constants in my life.

When I wake up each morning, there will be a puddle of drool sloshing atop my pillowcase. I drool in my sleep. This is a constant. I’m like a garden hose that isn’t turned off properly. Another constant: someone has to clean that drool up, and whether it’s my mom or my dad or my brother or my girlfriend, every single day, one of them uses an obscene number of tissues to clean up the lake I’ve created in my sleep. My family is well-acquainted with my spit. Their never-ending care, compassion, patience, and love are powerful constants.

Next, I typically take a shower, though I can’t label this one a constant, as I’m known to occasionally abandon hygiene for days at a time. Why do I need to be clean for a day of writing in seclusion? That’s a joke—mostly.

Then I drink my coffee, and when we aren’t physically together, send a goodmorning text to my girlfriend, Hannah. Over the last year, she has become a beautiful constant in my life, one that I wake up every day grateful to know. I wait for her reply with the relaxing security that we’ll talk throughout the day, sharing our thoughts and feelings and experiences with each other, and always, always moving towards that next time together. Although much of this daily interaction revolves around food and stupid observations and making fun of each other, there’s always that underlying love—that calming feeling that we chose each other and nothing else matters. Her constant love makes each day bright.

I read if time allows it, and most days I listen to the news. By now, I’ve usually burped at least twice to reduce the explosive stomach pressure created by my overnight feeding tube. Morning burps are a disgusting constant for me.

My work at Laughing At My Nightmare, Inc. has become a unique kind of constant that I never expected. What began as a silly little idea to start a company that promotes positivity has grown and blossomed into the incredible charity that we are today. I know that every day our purpose remains crystal clear: to raise funds so that we can get people the equipment they need to thrive. At the same time that we work to accomplish that, we teach people how to live happier lives.

And since I basically just wrote our company mission statement verbatim, I want to make sure the previous constant doesn’t come off as a half-assed promotion snuck into an otherwise deeply personal post.

Working at this charity gives me a daily purpose, a reason to wake up excited. It’s not always easy and it’s not always fun, but we are making an actual difference in the lives of real people. I grew up kind of wondering if I’d ever be able to make a mark on our world with the time I have. It was a fear that distressed me to my core. In the last five years, I’ve learned that I can make a difference, and working towards that gives me such a rush of joy.

So why this obsession with constants?

When you live with a disease like mine, uncertainty is a natural enemy. Will I wake up tomorrow feeling weak or strong? How many more total days will my hands function? A year? Ten? More? Is my insurance going to cover the new treatment for my disease? Will it actually help me? When will my lungs stop working? What if I get sick?

SMA is like a chisel of uncertainty, chipping away at the solid foundation of my body and mind day in and day out.

Constants, then, become a vital defense.

When so much of my future lies in the murky shadow of the unknown, having constants that I can genuinely rely on allows me to look forward without fear or anxiety.

So even though there may come a day when I wake up and find that—oh shit—I can’t breathe on my own any more, I also know exactly what follows that: someone who loves me will grab a tissue and wipe up my drool.

2

I made it to the gym today for the first time in over a month! I am so glad to be back. Shouldn’t have anything getting in the way of me going until next summer!

I didn’t gain too much back which is good. Normally I end up gaining a ton back and feeling like crap.

I also joined a 6 month dietbet. So there is some extra motivation on top. I am excited to see what I can accomplish with 6 months of consistency.

Been making some goals. Not just health and fitness related. I want things to change.