this is not the time for terrible puns

achibikitsune  asked:

2D with an s/o that's a huge punlord. Their puns are T H E B E ST. They would say stuff like, "I know my jokes are corny! I know so many puns you might as well call me a farmer!"


  • The first time you start to pun around, he thinks that it’s just a one-time thing.
  • Oh n o it is n o t
  • You continuously make terrible, corny jokes that makes the whole entire band cringe… Except Stu.
  • For some crazy reason, you’re adorable when you joke around like that.
  • The whole band likes you, but you joking around makes them always groan and roll their eyes, but after a while, they get used to it.
  • After a couple months, Stu finds himself making an innocent joke or two. It’s stuck to him.
  • 2D and you were the best couple- trouble comes in pairs, as they say. 
  • After a couple months, Noodle starts to use your shopworn jokes.
  • Well, they also say that trouble comes in three’s. 

anonymous asked:

I feel bad for repeating that other anon, but if you could do the exact same in-depth detail for monster high, that would be "clawsome". Also, no pressure, but if you have free time, I'm sure literally everyone in the monster high fandom would love it

don’t feel bad, i love infodumping about my special interests!! if i can help more people get into them then i feel accomplished

monster high was created by garrett sander, and introduced in 2010! it’s probably pretty obvious but all the characters are the children of different iconic/legendary monsters, and they all go to high school together and have slice of life adventures. and there’s lots and lots and lots of terrible monster puns so if you dont like puns then just give up now

these are the main 6 characters + a few more core people and some backstory if they have any! (bc some of them do not have backstory but thats ok it just means more headcanoning)

  • frankie stein - frankenstein’s daughter, and also the MAIN main character, and usually one of the two faces that people think of when they think “monster high”. she is probably one of the sweetest characters in the entire show and has relentless optimism, and would die (and has died) for her friends before. she had only been alive for 15 days before MH canon started, and thus hasn’t been exposed to many things yet, so she loves trying new things. she’s adorable and i cannot believe some people don’t like her/call her boring, because she is a ray of sunshine
  • draculaura - dracula’s daughter, and is the OTHER face ppl think of. she wears almost exclusively the colors pink and black (with some exceptions for blue or yellow sometimes). she’s very peppy and uses a lot of words like “totes!” in speech. she’s 1600 years old and her biological parents are both dead now, she was adopted + turned to a vampire by dracula himself because he was in love with her mother. she is the main character in the reboot instead of frankie
  • clawdeen wolf - a werewolf and the resident fashionista (well, they all kind of are but she’s the one that wants to go into the fashion industry). she’s got SEVERAL siblings, and we only saw 3 of them in the preboot but we know there are many more; growing up with them has made her develop an attitude. but she’s SUPER loyal and would do anything for the people she loves. she’s ride or die and i love her
  • lagoona blue - a sea monster, BEYOND chill and friendly, seriously she is the kind of person to make you feel like you’ve been friends with her for years even if you’ve only known her a couple days. she’s on the swim team and she got way way too many bad plots with her boyfriend gil later on in the series so i feel like she didn’t get as well-rounded as the other mains, but i still love her to bits
  • cleo de nile - a mummy and also the HBIC of monster high. she’s the fearleading captain and she takes a little bit to warm up to, but once you get on her good side she is a wonderful friend. and it doesn’t take much to get on her good side, just be a decent person to her. she’s been through a LOT like her dad is straight-up abusive and manipulative, and her sister terrorizes her and her friends, and she was separated from her loving mother for most of her life so honestly i cannot blame her for being a rude person. she’s my favorite i love her so much
  • ghoulia yelps - a zombie and the brains of the group (ha ha), she is literally a superhero or something i think because she can do anything, she literally hacked the mh version of youtube a few times. she doesn’t speak english, only zombie (which sounds like a series of groans), her favorite thing in the world is the comic series called Dead Fast, and the whole fandom loves her and for good reason. she doesn’t get enough screentime OR dolls, and she hasn’t shown up in the reboot media yet. she deserves so much
  • deuce gorgon - medusa’s son, and one of the most popular dudes at school, cause he’s super friendly and nice. he’s quiet sometimes but when he does talk his sentences usually have the word “dude” in them. he sees good in everyone, and he was dating cleo before canon began and she had developed as a character/became less mean, so to me that shows how genuine both of them are with their feelings. i love him too but people often write him wrong, they write him as all stoic/annoyed by everything but he’s honestly a dork and probably the most genuinely nice boy in the series
  • abbey bominable - a yeti who has trouble understanding non-yeti societal norms. she can come across as cold (ha ha) but she doesn’t mean to, she’s just not good at emoting or communicating, and speaks very literally. the others understand this after getting to know her and accept her and love her just as she is, which is part of why i love monster high so much. she is also very strong and can lift a car. i thought that was worth mentioning
  • heath burns - a fire elemental and very, very impulsive and reckless. he gets himself injured a lot; the hospital even has a seat in the waiting room with his name on it. he’s also super flirty and speaks without thinking, but honestly? he means well. i love him and also at one point he wore a skirt/heels and OWNED it and nobody laughed at him

there are several more characters that i could write more paragraphs on, but this is getting long enough as it is so if you wanna know more about more characters shoot me another ask and i’ll be glad to tell you!

this IS a merch-driven franchise, but that isn’t a bad thing! the dolls themselves are SO cute. just look them up (i dont wanna include images in this long post) but they’re so cute oh my god. there’s nearly 700 of them now i think? and you can use this website to help you get started on your collection/help you keep track of it! i honestly use it like…every single day

as for the media itself, i have already written a big thing about it and how to go about watching it in [this post], but i will now talk about my favorite movies in chronological order in case you want recommendations. these wont be in-depth analysises

  • new ghoul at school - this 20min special gets a lot of flack but honestly? the plot itself is so so good. it avoids the typical “protag girl steals jock bf from mean girl” cliche and turns it on its HEAD. REVOLUTIONARY. this special is on youtube but not netflix i dont think!
  • scaris: city of frights - i think part of why i like this one is that most of the core characters are present for it, and it’s centered around clawdeen and she is SO good in this movie
  • 13 wishes - everyone pretty much agrees this is the best mh movie period. it also has a lot of core people, the plot itself is SO beyond clever and unique, and i can’t think of anything bad about it?? this is what i always recc to people for their 1st mh movie
  • boo york, boo york - ok listen this movie is OBJECTIVELY a mess because there are 2 entire singing voices and the pacing is weird but i love it anyway it holds a very special place in my heart. also i think this is the preboot movie with the best animation, it’s gorgeous and please watch it and embrace its campiness and jam to pharaoh’s (w)rapping

the reboot does merit mentioning; it started in 2016 and began with the movie welcome to monster high, and the two movies out for it so far are honestly fun but they are nothing like the pre-reboot. you have to watch the reboot with the mindset that it is an alternate timeline to the preboot universe, instead of having it completely erase the preboot! they exist in side-by-side universes in my head

in the reboot, instead of monster high being an already-established school/having monsters live in big communities and towns, monsters are in hiding because the humans are scared of them. draculaura and dracula lived in their mansion for several years to hide, but through a series of events which i will not summarize here bc its a lot, they build monster high in their mansion, and get other monsters there to be students!

but that’s all the basic stuff i can think to mention right now, there is SO much more to talk about since there are 70+ characters and SEVERAL plots and also my numerous headcanons. if you have any more questions about anything, don’t be afraid to ask me!! i love talking about monster high so much

anonymous asked:

Since your askbox was open, I was hoping for a match up! I am female, with the height of 5'5. I have brown hair that's below my shoulders and brown eyes. I enjoy friends, food, terrible puns, and cats. Beautiful little cats. I simply love cats. Moving to my personality, I laugh and smile A LOT, and my laugh is SUPER loud :( I am pretty social, but I can be awkward when I meet someone for the first time. Thanks!!! Btw, I love your blog it's great.

Cats. Cats. CaTS. CATS. THIS WAS EASY. I SHIP YOU. *drumroll* WITH KUROO TETSUROU Is this even a real question. Live together my babies in the world of chemistry and Cats. Go!

Originally posted by kurooskindness

Every Miraculous Ladybug Episode Ever
  • *opening theme*
  • *Marinette does something clumsy while talking about how much she looooooves Adrien*
  • Her hot friend who should be a main character: You should tell him you like him!
  • Adrien, conveniently nearby: lol, I'm hot and so is that Ladybug chick. We know nothing about each other and routinely lie to each other and our closest friends. That's a solid premise for a relationship if I ever heard one!
  • Someone, somewhere in Paris: *experiences a single moment of negativity, no matter how petty or temporary*
  • Evil Villian: Hello, I am Ridiculous Name von Badfic. Prepare to be minorly inconvenienced!
  • *recycled animation sequences*
  • Chat Noir: M'LADY.
  • Ladybug: my life is a dumpster fire
  • Chat Noir: *terrible puns*
  • Ladybug: I'm rethinking every decision I've ever made.
  • HAWKGUY: This time my plan is sure to work even though it never has before and I keep doing the same thing over and over!
  • *fighting*
  • Ladybug: LUCKY CHARM *gets a random object* LOL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
  • *thinly veiled use for the item appears*
  • Ladybug: Gotcha! *recycled animation sequences* No more evil doing for you, little akuma.
  • Chat Noir: So Ladybug you wanna f--
  • Ladybug: LOL BYE
  • *credits roll*

anonymous asked:

Would you guys be wiling to do one that doesn't have Steve in it but is all about Steve? I'm thinking of Fury's initial meeting w/ Sharon asking her to protect Steve. Then, subsequent meetings where she reports relevant happenings. But since there are no relevant happenings (until TWS), Sharon's reports consist mainly of Steve's general comings and goings, his lame attempts to hit on her, and the embarrassing stuff he does when he's alone.

“Did you think I didn’t know?”  Fury raised an eyebrow.

“I think my recruiter didn’t look into it.  I expected you would know, sir.”  Sharon stood at parade rest, only allowing the slightest twich of her lips towards a smile.  

Fury hummed.  “It’s why you’re here.  And not why you’re here.”

“Sir?”  She liked Suduko, crosswords and thousand-piece puzzles.  Fury was more like one of the Fates speaking in riddles than anything else.  

“I chose you for this assignment because Former Director Carter wouldn’t trust anyone else with this detail.  I also chose you for this assignment because regardless of whose blood you’ve got, you’re the only one I trust with this assignment.”

Sharon let out a slow, steady breath, feeling the tension bleed out of her shoulders.  “Thank you, sir.”


Fury was mulling over a stack of paperwork, steam curling from his World’s Best Boss mug that sat at his left elbow. (She was pretty sure it was a gift from Natasha).  

“Your monthly report, sir.”

Fury looked up, and sat back.  “Go on.”

“Exercise commences at 0400 hours each day, and ends at 0600. Grocery shopping every other day, a—“

“—Single or multiple trips?”

“Supersoldiers only need single trips, sir.”

Fury smirked and sipped his coffee.

“Between 1400 and 1600 hours each Sunday he cleans and sings.  He orders take out once each week, only on Saturdays for his weekly movie marathon.  He’s reached the 80s, if I’m not mistaken.  There were a lot of lightsaber noises and don’t-you-forget-about-me’s coming from his apartment last week.  And the joke about his midday coffee run being ‘A mission from God’.”

“Anything unusual or concerning to report?”

“The number of times he’s watched Indiana Jones is concerning.”


“He was reckless in the field before, sir.  I worry what new ideas he’s been picking up.”

Fury smiled, all teeth.  “This is exactly why I chose you for this assignment, agent.”

A rocky start

Some Context: one of my fellow players in a game is a rock golemn named Scoria. This exchange happened when the GM asked us on skype if we were available to play over the upcoming weekend:

GM: what’s the weekend plans guys?

Scoria: I am ready to roll.

GM: But are you ready to rock?

Scoria: You’re a real gem, GM

Player: stfu

Scoria: I’m sorry, shale we talk about this later?

Player: How dare you

Scoria: I got a bit boulder

Player: I s2g

Me: I think the puns rock. Perhaps you’re just too impatient to wait for a really nice one to crystallize. In the meantime you’ll just be losing your marbles over some lime jokes

Player: Why do you do this to me?

GM: Because we love you. Granite, we’re not very nice people.

Me: I wanted to throw out more puns in response, but I’ve hit a wall. They’re really too hard. Player is right, we should all some back down to Earth and start over, you know, with a clean slate. No more forced rock puns to stalagnate our conversations

Player: F***ING

Me: Uh oh, I’ve sent your and my relationship down a rocky road. Maybe if I’m gneiss you’ll be willing to drop all this grit and work with my based on sediment alone.

Player: z;ldkfjgn;zkjb

Me: I suppose I have norite to ask for forgiveness. Of quartz, I’ve earned your skarn. If you can’t forgive me I’ll just have to boulder on without you.

Player: why do you hate me?

Me: I don’t, I just love puns. But I’m done. I spent a solid 10 minutes reading up on names of rocks. It’s too much effort and I’m not even the rock golemn who should be making these puns.

Player: I’ll just silt over here and be quiet then

Scoria: I was driving!

Me: I’ve put more effort into thinking of rock puns in the last hour then I think you’ve done in entirety of the time you’ve played as Scoria. Not that I’m really keeping Scor(ia).

james: scuffed elbows, tapper of nails, drums fingers on knees, leans on walls, leans on tables, leans on anything stationary, also leans on people, terrible at chess, greets with a hug, ink stained knuckles, scar on temple from dolohov’s bludger, loves a girl, loves the girl, sings off-key, runs in the morning for fun, wanted to be a holyhead harpy when he was seven, ridiculously blind, chipped a canine in a fight with avery after he called sirius a traitor, takes stairs two at a time, only child but not really, playing card house architect, has never been seen with unrolled sleeves, kissed sirius after winning the quidditch cup, sends his mum flowers every week, meetings with mcgonagall every fortnight to discuss the others, named his owl quaffle, sprints down corridors after sirius, buys remus chocolate and hides it for him to find, sleeps shirtless, wakes up most nights from nightmares, bounces knees relentlessly, overflowing with energy, cannot stand still, can’t remember last time his mind shut up, wants to grow old so badly it hurts

sirius: cheekbones to die for, thinks he’s a connoisseur of firewhiskey, is not, has never had a spot, always has an arm round someones shoulders or a knee draped over their leg, rocks on chairs, asked out mcgonagall for odds on, rarely takes his shirt off, has a kitten called seraphina who he carries around in his pocket, once bet dumbledore five galleons he could beat him in a stare-off, lost, immaculate nails, has long conversations with lily where they plait each others hair and gossip about james, was the first to notice when marlene stopped eating, sits at the top of astronomy tower and shreds letters from his mother, president of protect the bees, won’t sleep with less than two pillows, spends a lot of time by the lake with remus, writes puns on parchment and leaves them round the castle, write’s pete’s charms essays for him when he’s bored, very proud of regulus when he catches the snitch, sits on the floor, sits on tables, sits on james, can’t cook pasta, has a map of all the places he wants to visit, infatuated with fresh air, can’t stand the city,  never wants to go back there

remus: reigning champion of ‘how many objects can we put on sirius whilst he naps’, terrible prefect, cracks knuckles, bites inside of cheeks, too tall to fit under tables, sarcastic little shit, stronger than he looks, runner of the hogwarts betting pool, mastermind of pranks, never gets caught, bites nails till they bleed, sits on windowsills, probably knows the nooks and crannys of the school better than the founders, memorises lyrics accidentally, owns too many jumpers, odd socks, sleeps in class a lot, slammed crabbe’s head into a desk so hard he broke his nose in three places, drinks hot chocolate by the gallon, has a book club with lily, official group photographer, terrified of the violent anger that bubbles under his skin, doesn’t talk in class but laughs under breath, drinker of tea, hates eggs, main seller of banned substances, uncomfortable with affection, except sirius, grammar pedant, can’t swim, falls asleep whilst reading, thought he was a monster until he was fourteen, has to remind himself he’s not on a daily basis, sometimes needs someone else to do it, loves the others with his whole heart

peter: marshmallow lover, chews the end of quills, dreams in black and white, cannot tie a tie to save his life, always leaves his bag somewhere, allergic to oranges, crosses his fingers when lying, twenty twenty vision, good at history of magic, has weird memory for dates, laughs at jokes even if he doesn’t understand them, trousers always just too long, watery eyes all year round, jumps at loud noises, wants to fit in so badly, spills ink over most of his work, burns in the sun, trips down stairs a lot, keeps wand behind his ear, nearly burnt one off once, always sides with james, daydreams in lessons, gets through four cauldrons a year, only one to like liquorice wands, notes up entire arm, never has parchment, found the kitchen in his first month, sleeps through every alarm, normally late for breakfast, eats toast without butter, worries about not being brave enough, doesn’t want to be average, would rather not fight, thinks the war has enough soldiers without him, terrified of them and what they can do

Warframe but like in high school

Atlas: Senior. Workout buddies with Rhino. Has a rock collection. Surprisingly good at cooking.

Ash: Senior. Bros with Excalibur. Closet weeb. Thinks Banshee is attractive.

Banshee: Junior. Loves listening to dubstep. Headphones never come off…NEVER. Very quiet and shy.

Chroma: Senior. Has a large pet lizard that he feeds live chickens named “Draco”. Plays Dragonborn in Dungeons & Dragons. Has multiple dragon posters.

Excalibur: Senior. Plays Quarterback on the football team. Has high grades. Also closet weeb. Has a crush on Mag.

Ember: Sophomore. Has a thing for Valkyr. Throws lit firecrackers at people. Smokes weed.

Equinox: Freshmen. Creepy twins. Finish each other’s sentences. One wears black, the other wears white. ALWAYS together.

Frost: Junior. Has a thing for Ember. Is always wearing a hoodie because he’s cold…all the time.

Hydroid: Senior. Likes pirates of the Caribbean. Wears a pirate hat everywhere. Perverted. Tells terrible pirate related puns.

Inaros: Sophomore. Has a beetle collection. Timid. When threatened throws pocket sand. Nekros’ younger brother.

Ivara: Freshman. Loves Archery. Reads comics Green Arrow and Hawkeye are favorite heroes. Pro Hanzo in Overwatch. Always falls asleep in class.

Limbo: Junior. Wears a Tux everywhere. Thinks he’s good with the ladies. Not very good with the ladies. Terrible at Math.

Loki: Sophomore. Ash’s younger brother. Plays pranks with Mirage. Has a criminal record for Vandalism and Public indecency. Also smokes weed.

Lotus: Principal. Knows everything about the students. Chooses to do nothing about it. Inexplicably always drinking coffee. Plays phone games during work hours.

Mag: Freshman. Trusted by Lotus to keep everyone in check. Never acts out. Straight A’s. Makes Nyx jealous because her boobs are bigger. Loves Astrology and Physics. Has science blog. Smallest in school

Mirage: Senior. Teases Loki with “Perverted acts”. Loves playing pranks. Blew up Principal’s bathroom and didn’t get caught. Rarely shows up for class.

Mesa: Junior. Plays Overwatch with Ivara, mains McCree. Loves to tell you what time it is (you know damn well what I mean) Has a bunch of old Cowboy movies. Remembers every scene of Walker Texas Ranger.

Nyx: Senior. Small boobs, big brain. Everyone listens to her, Sorta the disciplinarian.

Nekros: Senior. Always wears all black. Never smiles. Everyone thinks he’s planning a school shooting. Hangs out with Saryn a bunch.

Nezha: Sophomore. Only Transgender in school, loves to tell everyone about it. Burned down the gym one time and didn’t get caught.

Nidus: Senior. Owns every zombie movie ever. Likes to wear zombie makeup to school. Jumpscares Mag all of the time.

Nova: Senior. Beast at astrophysics…beats Mag actually. Has a weird thing for blowing shit up. Respected by Ember.

Oberon: Junior. President of Nature club. Loves butterflies. Extremely dense but has an A in biology.

Octavia: Junior. Banshee and her are the female equivalent of bros for life. Made Banshee’s Spotify playlist. Makes her own mixtapes. Plays MYRNE on morning announcements. Lotus would’ve done something about it if she weren’t jamming so hard.

Rhino: Senior. Jacked! Pretty dumb. Great football player.

Saryn: Senior. Owns a Katana for God knows why. Pretty chill. Student Council president. Smokes and drinks. Developed something for Nekros. Created the dogmatic teaching of “Biggest boobs makes the rules”. Also not very liked by Nyx.

Stalker: Sophomore. Emo. Probably planning school shooting. Hates everyone but Nekros.

Titania: Freshman. VP of nature club Huge crush on Oberon but will never say it. Even dressed up as a butterfly to get him to notice her only to be outshined by his butterfly costume.

Teshin: Gym teacher. Doesn’t give a fuck.

Trinity: Junior. Goody two shoes. Helps out the school nurse. Wants to be a doctor.

Vauban: Senior. Engineer. In robotics. A’s in physics. Heard of sports at most.

Volt: Junior. On track team. Listens to Sonic the hedgehog soundtrack while jogging. Crush on Saryn.

Valkyr: Junior. Good at gym but not much else. Anger issues.

Zephyr: Junior. Owns a pet hawk that creeps out Saryn. Does parkour and hanglides.

Wukong: Freshman. Practices gymnastics. Practices martial arts with the Bo staff just to say he can. Showed up to practice drunk one time. Has a pet monkey named Pyjak that he puts sunglasses on and takes selfies with.

I Won’t Say (Jughead x Reader)

-Summary: Jughead won’t admit that he’s in love with you, even though everyone can see it.

- Pair: Jughead Jones x Reader

-Request? Yep.

-Word Count: 659

-Warnings: none

-A/N: Sorry If it isn’t really exciting, tried my best lol. Enjoy!

-Tags: @multiversegalaxygirl

(if you want a tag ask for one)




I sat at Pop’s diner in my usual booth, drinking a milkshake as I typed away at my laptop. When I heard someone sit down in front of me, I looked up for a second, and saw that it was Archie.

Although I was kind of disappointed it wasn’t Y/N, I greeted the red haired boy with a, “Hey,” and continued typing.

“So when are you gonna admit that you’re totally in love with Y/N?” I heard Archie ask.

I rolled my eyes and replied, “I’m not in love with her, we’re friends, and she’s helping me with Jason’s case.”

I was about to continue typing when Archie said, “You’re so full of shit.”

I closed my eyes took in a deep breath and shut my laptop, giving Archie my full attention as I couldn’t concentrate on writing anything at the moment, “And what makes you think that?”

He smirked, “Well for one, whenever you aren’t on that thing, you’re with her,” I give him a blank stare, but he continues, “You practically stare at her all the time, you’re the only one who laughs at her terrible puns, she’s the only one you’ll share food with and not to mention, when she smiles it looks like you’re about to explode with sunshine and rainbows. Which never happens. Ever.”

He’s right, but as if I’m gonna admit that; and as much as he’s right, I honestly see no point in admitting anything if it will just ruin my friendship with her. She can’t possibly reciprocate the feelings, as if she would. I’d just rather not get myself hurt. People need to get off my case.

I gave an amused smile at his words, “I’m not in love with her, and you know that I think relationships are stupid, one of us, or both, would get hurt in the end and it’s not worth taking that risk,” Archie laughed at that, “What’s so funny?”

“You’re so in denial, read my lips, you’re in love!” Archie said mockingly slow, “Say it!”

“Say what?” I looked up to see Y/N standing at the table smiling at me.

My heart skips a beat and I smiled a little, “Nothing, just Archie being stupid as usual.”

She laughed and slides in next to me in the booth, “Isn’t he always being stupid to you?”

I smiled and looked to Archie and saw him shaking his head at me with a knowing smile, “Yeah, pretty much,” I replied.

Archie spoke up, “Well, I have some music writing to do, so I’m gonna go do that and leave you two alone, see ya’,” He said and got up and left.

Y/N looked after him, eyebrow raised in confusion, “That was weird.”

“He’s always weird.”

She rolled her eyes at me, “Mhm,” she changed the subject, “So what was he trying to get you to say before I arrived?”

I panicked a little bit, “Uh, just something stupid, doesn’t matter.”

She looked at me suspiciously but didn’t question it, “Alright, um anyways, I came to ask you, um,” she hesitated a little bit, but recovered, smiling, “Would you like to come to the dance with me?”

I blinked a couple of times out of surprise, but before I could give a reply she said, “Sorry, you don’t have to say yes, just thought I’d ask cause I don’t know if I would go with anyone else.”

I shook my head, “Of course I’ll go with you, why would I say no?”

She smiled and gave me a hug, I hugged her back, “Well, I’ll leave you to your writing,” she said, about to get up.

I grabbed her hand to stop her, “You can stay, I don’t mind.”

I saw her look down at our hands and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, she looked back up and smiled, “Okay.”

I still won’t say it out loud, but damn am I in love with her.

Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.“Do you want to fuck stuff up Louis?” Harry asked with a dark look to the corner of the room where Harry McGee was laughing with an old friend.
Louis nodded; he knew Harry’s story and Harry knew his. Harry had Kendall, Louis had Eleanor and they both had their managers and their bands and their stupid fake images because a celebrity had to be straight.
Harry took Louis’ small hand in his and pulled him through the crowds and various rooms until they were stood in front of two pulsing speakers where Niall was filming Liam on the decks. Harry looked at Niall’s phone, saw where the camera was pointing and pulled Louis right into it’s view.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Harry checked, leaning over Louis almost protectively. “I hardly know you.”
“You don’t need to.” Louis replied with a swallow and Harry pulled him in for a kiss that Louis hadn’t realised he was waiting for.
An AU where Louis is the lead singer of The Rogues, Harry is the lead singer of White Eskimo and both are sick of being in the closet so kiss one night to fuck with the mediaHarry could barely breathe at even the possibility of getting to be Louis Tomlinson’s fake boyfriend. Louis was his favorite actor since childhood, when Louis was also a child on the big screen. The guy he had always looked up to. The guy whose poster he used to kiss every night before bed. The guy whose movies Harry would watch all night until his eyes couldn’t possibly stay open anymore. Harry was pretty sure Louis Tomlinson wasn’t even real—he couldn’t be.
or the fake relationship au where Harry is an aspiring musician and also Louis’ biggest fan–until he actually meets him.Though Harry is glad Liam cares about him, he also really hates that Liam cares about him. Liam’s coworker Louis really isn’t Harry’s type - he probably even listens to commercial radio, for God’s sake.
In which Harry and Louis go to great lengths to appease Liam, Louis’s taste in music broadens dramatically, and Harry stops pretending to be a Huge Pretentious Douche all the time.AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.
A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

The One Direction PR management team decides that Harry needs to get married. Harry doesn’t want to. Louis comes up with the perfect solution to the problem.

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis’ favourite teammate, Liam as Louis’ agent, and Zayn as Liam’s boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

Louis is going into the Army, Harry is going nowhere, and there’s nothing like a little identity fraud between friends.

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”
Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.
Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.
Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.
Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.
“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

After a misunderstanding with Liam’s mother, Louis agrees to accompany his best friend to a family wedding and pretend to be the world’s best boyfriend. But their simple plan goes awry when he learns that Harry, ex-boyfriend/ex-love of Louis’ life, will also be in attendance.

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He’s rich. He’s handsome. He’s reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

when actor Louis Tomlinson used to daydream about dating Harry Styles, this is not what he had in mind.
  • Nobody shines the way you do (115k, chaptered)
    Louis pretends to be Harry’s boyfriend to help him win back his douchebag ex-boyfriend, but things don’t go according to plan.

Tomorrow a lot of new Harries will be born. They are unaware of it right now, going by their day like their world isn’t about to change forever. If this is you and you are reading this in the future, welcome and best of luck! May you gain lots of friends and odd knowledge of Harry’s four nipples, his wonky toes, his beautiful nostrils, his sparkling green eyes, his terribly fantastic puns and jokes, his kindness, his encompassing beauty, and great mind. 

Just remember as a warning that if you haven’t already, you will fall in love with him in time and there’s no coming back from it. x

Dating Alex Standall Would Include...

Originally posted by noahsweetwne

My friend asked me to do a dating Alex Standall Would Include so this is for you Jenn :)<3

- Meeting him through your parents, your dad is a cop and is friends with Alex’s dad and one day they decide to have a family dinner together and that’s where you first meet Alex becoming instant friends.

- Alex asking you out, Alex asks you out after the ninth joint family dinner with the Standall’s, you’re both laying on Alex’s bed listening to a Keaton Henson song when Alex blurts out ‘Do you want to go on a date sometime?’ You’re shocked at first but agree in the end.

- Going on your first date, Alex takes you to a botanical garden where it’s so aesthetically pleasing all you do all day is take pictures and Instagram them, you eventually stop to sit down and have a picnic and actually enjoy the date.

Keep reading

Terrible puns to make you happy


- why did Barbie never get pregnant?
- Because ken always came in another box.

- I used to go finishing with skrillex but he kept dropping the bass

- I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me

- the girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant, but I’d never met herbivore

- why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands, I love this joke because it never grows old

- Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa

- if you don’t get my Harry Potter references then there is something siriusly Ron with you

- what’s Negans favorite dessert?
- Eye scream

- What do you call a cow on grass?
- Mulan

I’m so done I’m sorry I did this

Draco in a band

-So Drarry got together during eighth year in this au okay

-After graduation, Harry and Draco decide to move into a flat together

-And Harry brings over a lot of stuff from Grimmauld Place, including Sirius’s old muggle records and record player, posters, leather jackets and faded jeans, etc.

-Harry and Draco spend a lot of time listening to all of those records because they are in fact quite healing

-Draco becomes really invested in these muggle bands because they were important to Sirius and Sirius is important to Harry and Harry is important to him

-Starts writing music about Harry, about the war, about other music, about everything

-Constant singing. All the time. Harry loves it

-After awhile of writing Draco gets together a few of the friends they’ve made at assorted concerts and cafes and soon enough, they’ve got a band

-Draco INSISTS on naming the band “Snake Control” because it is both a terrible pun and a nod to his Slytherin heritage and everyone hates it but they aren’t given a choice

-It takes awhile for them to get up off the ground but after a few gigs they gain a lot of local popularity

-Harry manages the group and gets them gigs and tags along to all their concerts and makes out with Draco backstage after each set

-Lots of screaming and sometimes flashing from assorted girls, but Harry isn’t jealous 

-Harry has every one of their songs memorized to a T (their most popular song is written about Harry, titled “Stupid Prat”)

-And Draco is in his element. He wears one of Sirius’ old jackets at each concert and his hair isn’t combed and he’s sweaty and warm and out of breath and smiling

-He always dedicates the last song of each concert to Harry. Every single weekend

-They’re happy

Lights, Camera, Action!

word count: 4.7k

genre: smut



You were just a small town actress who’d been picked up for a big movie starring you and award winning actor Shin Hoseok. Turns out, there’s quite a steamy scene that you two must take part in and you’re more than nervous about it. Luckily, Hoseok is a professional and he isn’t afraid to help you out.

just a disclaimer i did minimal research on actual movie sex scenes & have very limited knowledge on this so this is definitely not realistic.

For my valentine, @wonholypeach​ who isn’t feeling well after her surgery and needed a pick-me-up. Enjoy and please get well soon love!  ♡

Keep reading

shadowdancerclaire  asked:

*whispers* shallura and klance because they own my sorry life

ask and you shall receive!

♡ send me a ship and i’ll tell you


  • Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa: 
    • Allura would. No one told her Earth doors would be so complicated.
  • Who doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside them: 
    • I wanna say both, but my heart is telling me Shiro pines like a schoolgirl when he’s legitimately in love, so he would. In his notebooks, on his desk, in the dirt, everywhere. Especially after actually getting together with her - he’d do this to show his love for her every chance he gets.
  • Who starts the tickle fights: 
    • ALLURA. Sometimes when Shiro is really in the dumps or just tired tickle fights are sometimes the only thing to put a smile on his face. Shiro actually loves the feeling of getting tickled so he loves it. He also loves engaging first and tickling Allura.
  • Who starts the pillow fights: 
    • Absolutely Allura. Lance introduced her to some Earth customs and she fell in love with pillow fights. She loves to start them with everyone, not just Shiro, but especially enjoys sneaking up on Shiro when he doesn’t expect it. It gives them a chance to let out their inner child and just act like there’s nothing wrong in the world, like they’re not fighting a war. It’s small moments like these they really cherish.
  • Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile:
    • Shiro. 100% Shiro. Allura is quick to go to sleep and every time Shiro sees her sleeping face he falls in love all over again. He finds her presence next to him very comforting so when she’s finally asleep he feels safe and content enough to fall asleep himself, all while wrapping his arms around her and whispering “I love you” as a “goodnight.”
  • Who mistakes salt for sugar:
    • ALLURA. “Who let these two completely different seasonings look exactly the same?”
  • Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning:
    • I’d feel like neither would lmao? Maybe Shiro?
  • Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines:
    • OK SO Allura comes up with the cheesy, almost terrible pick up lines that borderline puns while Shiro comes up with those sappy, cliche pickup lines that actually sweep Allura off her feet and she’s a bit miffed that her pickup lines can’t work that way on him. “Better luck next time, Princess.”
  • Who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order:
    • Allura. She’d be the person to rearrange books every few weeks depending if she wants them organized alphabetically, by color, by size, by series, by author, etc.
  • Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies:
    • Shiro is 100% guilty of this. Allura never finds out.
  • Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion:
    • SHIRO he loves doing this because every time with her should be something to remember.
  • Who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen:
    • ALLURA she’s not an artist, but Shiro sports his girlfriend’s doodles with pride.
  • Who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation:
    • I feel like Allura would! She was a diplomat, so she travels a lot, and would most definitely bring back things not just for Shiro, but for the other Paladins and Coran as well!
  • Who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines:
    • Allura is quite fascinated with Earth customs and would actually find those surveys really fun to do.


  • Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa:
    • Honestly? Both. Both of them are victims of this. Neither of them are without blame.
  • Who doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside them:
    • KEITH KEITH KEITH we already established that Keith Kogane invented pining, of course he’d be the one to do this.
  • Who starts the tickle fights:
    • Lance oh god Keith actually hates being sneaked up on and he’s extremely ticklish so Lance loves to exploit this.
  • Who starts the pillow fights:
    • STILL LANCE he’s absolutely savage and even against his boyfriend he shows no mercy. He will start the fight and dammit he will win.
  • Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile:
    • Keith would! He, like his big bro Shiro, happens to have a hard time sleeping at night, but seeing Lance’s peaceful sleeping face makes him that much more relaxed. He likes to trace his hands down Lance’s shoulder and sides too.
  • Who mistakes salt for sugar:
    • Keith but honestly only because Lance is the one to switch out the ingredients. 
  • Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning:
    • Lance. No question about it, it’s Lance. He’d heat anything up from popcorn to leftovers to hot pockets when he’s hungry he’s hungry and everyone being asleep isn’t going to stop him.
  • Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines:
    • KEITH. He’s never been that good with pick up lines or flirting so he probably got advice from Allura and started saying dumb shit like “hey you know what kind of alien i am for you? a gaylra” and Lance honestly can’t even find it endearing it’s too funny but he loves and appreciates Keith and his attempts anyway. But, please, “leave the flirting to me.”
  • Who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order:
    • I don’t think either would really care.
  • Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies:
    • LANCE. Keith gets annoyed because “Dammit stop eating all the batter, Lance!”
  • Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion:
    • Lance! He likes to have some on hand anyway just in case he wants to make things extra important and romantic.
  • Who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen:
    • I think both would! But Lance would be a bit sneakier about it, doodling sappier things than Keith. Keith would go for rather generic things and Lance may enjoy going a bit more into detail, or writing funny things on Keith and saying that he wrote something else until Pidge or Hunk see the back of his neck and tell him Lance wrote “I may have the dumbest mullet but I’ve got the best boyfriend.”
  • Who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation:
    • Lance! We’ve already established that Lance has homesickness, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t genuinely enjoy traveling the universe and seeing new things. I like to think he’s kind of like Wally in YJ, where he takes a little souvenir for each planet they’ve been on, each mission they’ve completed, etc. in hopes that someday he can show it to his family on Earth.
  • Who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines:
    • Keith, actually! Lance finds them entertaining, but rather pointless. Keith did at first too, but actually found them to be kind of fun, even if they both know they’re really dumb. They do it to make fun of the magazine.
How to flirt 101

Hey, Love bugs! Fluff.

Hey, can you do a blurb about how Dan/Phil flirt? :^)

Dan’s flirting techniques.

-Name calling. This includes things like calling you a little shit, pet, a total flop. They are all meant to be a cute way to tease you.

-If the two of you go to the movies he absolutely does the not so smooth arm on the shoulder thing.

-When he see’s you he always has his big grin on making him blush internally for being so happy to see you. The internal dialogue of him telling himself to calm down or he will scare you off.

-Pushing you softly when you make him laugh or be awkward.

-Being very protective when the two of you are in public. No, you’re not dating but that guy was being a real git.

-“Why on earth did you by me this expensive ass thing?” “Because you deserve it.”

-If the two of you are on the couch he always finds a blanket to cover you up because if you even look cold, he is on that shit.

-Laying in his bed staring at the ceiling talking about random topics late into the evening.

-Grabbing your hand when he’s feeling nervous then apologising for the randomness. You of course never minding.

-Hiding notes in your bag that make you smile.

Phil’s flirting techniques.

-Him sitting next to you on the couch accidently touching your hand. You, of course, grab his hand looking up and smiling at him.

-Telling you terrible puns hoping you laugh.

-Phil gives you pointers while playing Mario Cart so you can win.

-Spoiling you with little gifts randomly because when he saw it he thought of you.

-Brushing your hair away from your face, then blushing because he didn’t realise how naturally he just reaches to tuck that strand behind your ear.

-He always looks for excuses to see you. Borrowing movies with each other. Most of the time the two of you are watching them together on the couch because how have you not seen that yet?

-Always holds the door for you. It doesn’t matter if your 20 feet behind him. He will wait there holding the door like a nerd until you get there.

-Random facts all the time. He almost always makes a little awkward laugh after because sometimes his weird thoughts just slip out.

-Always complimenting something about you. They start with things like your outfit and move to how pretty your eyes are.

There's this science teacher

*This one kid started up a petition to get him fired and he started offering extra points to people who signed it

*One time I made a pun that was so terrible he started asking people to sign the petition so he could “get out of this school and away from her”

*I asked him if he could Z snap so he looked me dead in the eyes and gave the sassiest Z-snap ever while saying “Gurl why’d you ask me that”

*I need some coffee and some meth

*Somebody asked what was next in class and he screamed DEATH (Upon being asked why he said “if i just said ‘death’ it wouldn’t be exciting”)

*When we were doing fingerprinting I had a bandaid on my left middle finger that I couldn’t take off so he held my hand up and made me flip off the entire class just to give an example

*Once confronted me in the parking lot about a pun I’d made earlier only to be slammed with yet another pun (this kid on the other side of the yard shouted AYYYYY)

*I once tried to look through a microscope that hadn’t been turned on and he asked me what I saw and he started laughing when I said “my future”

*Chased me down the hallway chanting “braaaains” and wouldn’t stop the pursuit until I hid in the ladies room

*“Ah yes, sir frances g. Part of Kanye’s squad.”