this is not exactly what i meant to do

Aries: Youve made it so far. You can see the scars you’re overcoming. Ive never been more proud.take time and celebrate. You earned it.

Taurus: Recconect. Get back in touch with your roots so you know where to go when things really start to change. When the wind really comes howling in.

Gemini: Take a breath. Someone needing some space doesnt mean they hate you. Sometimes people just need time. Give them that. I promise their worth it in the end.

Cancer: dont be afraid to step up. To take control of a situation.I know youre scared. I am too. But you wont know wjat youre really capable of if you never try it. Youre destined for greatness, my dear.

Leo: Where is your voice? Your strong opinion? Did they flee you now? You cant just be loud when it is convient. You need to speak up for what you believe in. Even when it means making sacrifices.

Virgo: dont be scared. Youve been through so much. The time for fear has passed.theres no more monsters to fear. Youve finally found where you fit right in. Enjoy it.

Libra: Stop expecting doom. Learn to live in the moment. Dont worry about how the futures gonna play out. Just accept that this moment is the best one youve got and cherish.

Scorpio: trust in your people. Youve made good allies. Made good friends. Fall back and trust that no matter what they will be thwre to help you pick up all the pieces. Whatever may come.

Sagittarius: You don’t need to shine brighter then the sun all the time. Its okay to be sad.  Its okay to let the optimism go and take in reality. As brutal and painful as it is.

Capricorn: build walls. Protect yourself. You want to fix everyone and that is so sweet. But you cant keep sacraficing yourself to do it. Grab a sword and fight. Please. I cant lose you too.

Aquarius:  Whatever happens is what is meant to happen. It may not be your plan, but have faith in the universe. Its guiding you to exactly where you need to be. Its all gonna pay off in the end.

Pisces: Stop jumping all over the place. Find a goal and stick to it. You want something with all your heart, only problem is its something new every week. If you could maintain you could accomplish the world. You have it in you. I know you do.

—  This weeks horoscope
i wrote this for you // pleasefindthis
  • aries: “i made myself from all the love you no longer wanted.”
  • taurus: “just like you mistook lust for love, you have mistaken with being alone for loneliness. so i'm fine. thanks for asking.”
  • gemini: “of course it’s complicated. if it wasn’t, i probably wouldn’t be interested in you.”
  • cancer: “this isn't me missing you. this is me missing the me i used to be.”
  • leo: “after you're gone, people will forget your name, no matter how important it was, and your face, no matter how pretty it was, and what you said, no matter how clever any of it sounded. the things you've done will crumble and fade and the places you once loved, will change and be given new names. you are only here for one moment and it lasts exactly one lifetime.”
  • virgo: “you took all my words when all i wanted to do was say them.”
  • libra: “i couldn’t convince you that the blue you see is the same blue that i see. But maybe that’s how lovers know they’re meant to love; they see the same blue. and they both know it.”
  • scorpio: “i could’ve sworn i was telling the truth when i told you i didn’t miss you.”
  • sagittarius: “you keep telling me to be glad for what we had while we had it. that the brightest flame burns quickest. which means you saw us as a candle. and i saw us as the sun.”
  • capricorn: “and every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling "this is important! and this is important! and this is important! you need to worry about this! and this! and this!" and each day, it's up to you, to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say "no. this is what's important.”
  • aquarius: “you had this expression on your face, like you weren’t quite sure you were supposed to be on earth.”
  • pisces: “be soft. do not let the world make you hard. do not let the pain make you hate. do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place”
Meaningful Sentence Starters

“There’s something I really need to tell you.”
“I honestly thought that things would be very different.”
“Do you wish you could have done it differently?”
“What exactly did you think was happening here?”
“How do you decide when it’s enough?”
“I would die for this cause.”
“There are only a few things in this world that are truly important to me.”
“Ideals have to count for something.”
“Why should I be a nice person?”
“This was meant to be easier.”
“I have an idea that I need to share.”
“Look, you might not like me but we’re stuck in this.”
“You remind me of someone I once knew.”
“How long does it take people to change, I wonder?”
“There are no good choices here.”
“There are days I think we’re just in over our heads here.”
“How do you keep going when things get hard?”
“Are you genuinely interested in me as a person, or is this a game too?”
“I care what I look like because I care what people think of me.”
“Why did you decide to do it?”
“You know what I really regret?”
“I’m still struggling to believe any of this is real.”
“Are you certain this is what you really want.”
“Tell me a dream? Or a secret?”
“Do you think you would still be the same person if things had turned out differently?”
“What I really meant to say was very different.”
“I don’t know if you’ll like what I have to say to you, but I have to tell you anyway.”
“You were never supposed to know.”
“Why can’t you just follow instructions?”
“Why can’t you just ignore instructions?”
“What chains you to this life? What keeps you here?”

House Rules (M)

Originally posted by nnochu

Summary: Frustration over recent political changes sets you off, and your loving husband helps you see the error of your ways.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 7,492

Warning: Dom!Yoongi, husband/wife relationship, teasing, punishment, edging, ass play, dirty talk, political themes

A/N: I could probably add more warnings. Rest assured, this is not vanilla. Enjoy!

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Initial Thoughts: Tiger Philanthropist

This episode marked a change in the way the story in SU would be progressing from now on. Many times it’s been pointed out how the Gems are ill-equipped to be Steven’s caretakers, and how usually, they themselves are the ones for whom Steven needs to put his own needs aside. 

The Gems have deep personal issues that they refused to acknowledge for a very long time, centuries in fact. Their suddenly being guardians of a teenage boy was not going to make those things go away. So early Steven spent a lot of time being ignored and left behind. It’s a fact he brings up in Rocknaldo. While we’ve been analysing it and pointing it out, it’s more than clear that Steven has been aware of it himself.

As the Gems engaged with him more, he found himself in the middle of meltdowns, arguments, and panic attacks. And we’ve seen how having to put aside how he feels has worn him down and given him issues of his own, about never being a good enough Crystal Gem, and never matching up to Rose.

These feelings culminated in the latest Steven Bomb (Bomb 5), when Steven decides to put his feelings first and refuse to listen to the Gems, instead seeking out Blue Diamond. What he realises is that doing to Greg and the Gems exactly what the Gems did to him was not going to make things better.

But I think it was a wake-up call for the senior Crystal Gems as well. Their becoming more accommodating of Steven has been a long, slow process. In this episode, Steven actually feels comfortable enough to tell Amethyst how he felt about wrestling, that he disagreed with her decision to quit, or at least the way she quit. 

And that’s something relatively new, because Steven doesn’t often talk about how he feels when he’s with the Gems. Instead of making light of it, Amethyst engages him on the same level. She tells him about wrestling’s personal relevance to her at a particular stage in her life. 

When Steven goes back to the ring, we expect he can take down human beings easily. When Amethyst appears, we know it’s not to save the day. That is how much our expectations of the characters changed. It’s a far cry from season one in which we believed Steven couldn’t defend himself.

Contrast to episodes like Joking Victim, Amethyst didn’t just stand by and let things happen. She washed her hands of wrestling but went back because part of her knew Steven had unfinished business. And she put aside her own desire to quit so that Steven could have closure.

I would say they end the match on their terms, together. Wrestling was never about feeling like he was good enough. His reason for doing it was to spend time with Amethyst. He was hurt because she decided on quitting without telling him, as if those memories didn’t matter.

In a turn of events, it is Amethyst, not Steven, who makes the speech that says exactly those things. In what I hope becomes a more common occurrence, someone who cares about Steven pre-empts how he feels instead of his having to do it the other way around all the time. 

What Amethyst gave him was assurance that the memories he treasured of their being together meant something to her too. And it implied that finding something else to do was always going to be an option. Wrestling had gone stale for them, but their relationship did not.

I’m glad this kind of shift occurred in a daily life type of episode. It is small acts that people decide to do every day that make them who they are. Becoming a totally different person in a dangerous or extreme moment loses the meaning of the act if only because the change is not as organic and nothing sustains it after the adrenaline fades.

I hope that this shift continues on. It was one thing to begin to care about Steven, but I find it significant that the Gems are also learning how to care about Steven, because it does make a difference.

Come Here Little Girl

Word count: 2,366

Warning: SMUT, daddy kink, rough sex, slight bondage

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary/Request: Thank you @thedevilsbestie for your request!

On a hunt, Y/N is surprised to find out in such circumstances, a kink that she has – as is Dean. They try it out when they get back to the motel room.

“I am not doing that. No way!” You shouted through the motel room.
“Come on Y/N this is where he’s going to be and it’s probably our only chance to kill him.” Dean argued. “I have to go too.”
You snorted, “You get to wear clothes though, you don’t have to go in your fucking underwear!”
You had been on this case for the past two weeks trying to find the vampire that was terrorising the city, so of course you wanted to kill the son of a bitch. But the only problem was that he only showed his face once a fortnight at a club downtown. The club looked like your average sort of club from the outside but in reality it was invite only. Not only that but the invites were for men who had girlfriends and partners that would come along only in their underwear (or less) and then, “I don’t even want to think about what sort of stuff happens in that club at night.”

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Sometime in the future...

…when Dex realizes he’s not poor anymore.

“can we get a headboard, too?”

Dex hated that voice. It was a voice he hadn’t heard come out of his mouth in a long time, since before him and Nursey got married, before they graduated, before he started seeing a therapist. It was a voice that said, ’a no would break me’ underneath the real words of his question.

It was how he used to ask for hugs, and how he asked, three months into their fuck-buddy relationship, for Nusey to please stay the night, just once, nobody ever stays.

Nursey gave him a long, appraising look, but Dex knew he wouldn’t ask why, all of a sudden, Dex sounded so unsure of himself. Just like Dex knew, eventually, he’d tell Nursey why something so silly as a headboard was so important to him.

He gave a small smile instead, kissed Dex’s cheek, and said, “That’s chill.”

They got out of their truck, a purchase that Nursey made without Dex because he knew his husband could never justify the price to himself, even though they could afford it a hundred times over. Between Dex’s NHL salary and Nursey and Lardo’s line of children’s books, there wasn’t really anything they couldn’t afford.

Which is why Dex hated how small and broken his voice sounded when he asked if they could buy a headboard.

With the new contract Dex signed, finally featuring a no trade clause, they decided to buy a house. Nursey went all out; he spent weeks touring places, picking out furniture, and giving Dex the silent treatment (apparently ‘whatever you want’ isn’t the right answer). The only thing left was a new mattress.

They saved it specifically for a week when Dex didn’t have any scheduling conflicts. He tried to tell Nursey that it was fine, he could go ahead and buy one without Dex there, but he refused, insisting that a mattress was an individual experience, both of them had to agree.

They both knew that, in the end, Dex wouldn’t have an opinion. A bed was a bed to him, and any bed was better than no bed. It felt nice to have a full day with his husband, though.

They stood in front of a huge mattress store, and for some reason, Dex felt uncertain. There was something about this, buying a bed, that made everything real to him. He was an adult. He was well off financially. And he was about to walk into a store hand in hand with his husband. And he was happy.

He wasn’t the angry kid from Maine, anymore.

A saleswoman nearly a foot shorter than the couple (call me Cici!) dragged them all over the store, practically pushing them down on mattresses and asking about their firmness. She asked about hteir opinon on memory foam versus tempurpedic, about fabrics and springs and coils and all sorts of questions Nursey has answers for that Dex can’t make heads or tails of.

He zones out a bit, but jumps back into the conversation when the topic of temperature comes up (so, are you two warm blooded or do you use a lot of blankets at night?). He had no idea that they made some mattresses cooler than others, but yes they wanted to try those out, because his husband is a furnace and the three stupid cats Nursey snuck home were like little fuzzy ovens.

So, they go to the other side of the store and try out hybrids (of what, Dex really couldn’t say). Without even trying it out, Nursey pointed at one of the set-ups and declared, “it’s going to be this one.” Dex had to admit that it was pretty comfortable. He didn’t feel like he was sinking into the mattress, which was nice.

Nursey clamored on top, cuddling into Dex’s side with a smug grin. “Told you it was this one.”

Still grinning, Nursey asked Cici, “Can you show us some headboard options?”

There was an entire room of them. Bed frames and headboards and footboards. Big quilted ones that Dex thought would go great in his baby sister’s princess room, studded leather ones, wrought iron frames that looked a little too bondage for Dex’s comfort.

Dex wasn’t sure what his face was doing, but  Cici told them quietly that she would give them a few minutes to look around, even though she had been attached at to their side for the hour they had been in the store.

They wandered around, looking at all the choices. Dex knew he held Nursey’s hand a little too hard, but Nursey didn’t say anything. He let Dex take the lead, inputting his opinion but never tryng to influence Dex, never pushing him to talk about it.

They made two circuits of the room before stopping (for the second time) in front of a simple padded headboard. It wasn’t anything fancy, just smooth, cream colored fabric. Dex ran a finger over the display. It was softer than it looked.

“I don’t understand headboards. Or footboards. They’re totally pointless.”

In the past, that may have been an invitation for Nursey to chirp Dex, to ask what the hell they were doing buying one if Dex thought it was pointless. But after so many years together, Nursey knew Dex needed to talk it out, not have a conversation.

“Did you know that before I went to Samwell, I never slept in a real bed?”

“I didn’t, babe.”

Dex never took his eyes off the headboard. “For a while I had a matress thrown on the floor in me and Adam’s room, but then I gave it to Hannah and I started sleeping on some sleeping bags on the floor. I told myself it was like camping. Even when I imagined my house, I never imagined a having a real bed. What’s the piont of buying something that’s totally pointless? It’s just a waste of money.”

Nursey ran a warm hand up and down Dex’s back. Dex rarely talked about his childhood. It was one of the only things they still faught about sometimes: Nursey taking their money for granted and Dex not being able to accept that he can spend money when he wants to.

“But we can buy this. We can buy something that’s totally pointless, just because I want it.”

It wouldn’t match the room, even a little bit. The whole house was stark greys and bright whites, accents of bright colors. The cream fabric would stick out like a sore thumb. It was meant for a softer house. There was something about it that Dex like, though. He couldn’t put his finger on what, exactly, but he loved it.

“What do you think?”

Nursey didn’t bother to look away from Dex when he answered. “I think it’s great, babe. It’ll look good in the bedroom.”

Dex gave him a hard look. “really.”

“Okay, no. but if you like it, then I couldn’t care less.”

And just like that,they bought it. And later that night, in their brand new bed, in their house (their house, not a house they were renting), Dex slept better than he could ever remember sleeping.

‘Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’ - (This does not mean what you think it does....)

I haven’t written many original posts recently, but given what has happened today, expect quite a few over the next couple of days.

My first post is about the quote above. I wanted to just let my feelings settle a bit before writing this, but it just happens to be the first thing I noticed.

For those unfamiliar, I wrote a post a couple months ago about Kylo Ren and his motivations. It pretty much sums up what Lucasfilm presented to us in this trailer, as far as where Kylo Ren is, psychologically speaking, at the end of The Force Awakens. I would REALLY recommend reading it in order to understand where I am coming from concerning this post.

http://sakurau121.tumblr.com/post/157962305035/you-know-what-the-really-ironic-thing-is-with-kylo

As many of us suspected, the central theme of ‘The Last Jedi’ seems to be indeed that of finding one’s sense of identity

With the above quote I found myself viewing it in a very different light after watching the trailer a few times.

It’s partially to do with the tone of Kylo’s voice. He’s not angry, not even sad exactly. He almost sounds like he is advising someone. And the language also suggests that, when he talks about ‘what YOU were meant to be’, to me this alludes to the fact that he is either being metaphorical or speaking directly to somebody else.

This is purely my own speculation, but in my mind, he is actually speaking to Rey. This line might have been put in simply for the trailer and doesn’t actually exist in the film, but I think it’s part of a conversation. A conversation while Rey and Kylo are connected through the force? A conversation after Kylo reveals Rey’s past, including what happened to her family? Maybe. These are all possibilities.

But why would I jump to this conclusion? After all, isn’t he simply talking about killing his mother and uncle, after having killed his father?

Originally posted by chatnoirs-baton

Actually, I say no.

And it’s for a very simple, logical reason that has nothing to do with sentimentality (although I, like many of you out there I suspect, did indeed tear up when Kylo’s thumb hovered over that button which, if pushed, would end up killing his mother).

It comes from comparing TFA with this trailer. You have to take into account of what has happened in TFA and how that has changed everyone. I don’t actually think Kylo is repeating himself here, that I believe is misdirect but again I might just be overthinking.

Kylo Ren says in the official trailer for TFA that ‘he will finish what Darth Vader started’.

Originally posted by star-wars-is-life

Throughout Episode VII, Kylo Ren is constantly emulating his grandfather, most likely because he wants to be like him. He cherishes Darth Vader’s crumpled mask like an old relic in a museum and wears his own mask proudly at the beginning of the film.

Now let’s compare that to this trailer. What does he do when he says -

‘Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’ 

What does he do?

Originally posted by boomdafunk

He destroys his mask.

In other words, he destroys his old self. The old self that emulated Darth Vader, that was trying to be like the grandfather and hid behind a mask.

This is incredibly literal as this is what the trailer actually wants you to see. The first interpretation one could logically form. And you see how Kylo Ren is doing a complete u-turn here. He is literally doing the opposite to what he did in the TFA trailer. You miss it perhaps because of the impact of what happens soon after this shot. But this point can be expanded upon, as I did in my previous post above.

Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, whoever he is, is trying to find his sense of identity. But he is no longer satisfied with trying to find it by looking into the past, by looking into his family’s history. This INCLUDES Darth Vader, not just Luke, Leia or Han.

I think he is in fact turning his back on his own lineage. Because he thought it would be enough. He thought that by finding out his grandfather was the powerful Sith Lord Darth Vader, he would be able to answer the question of why he could never find balance within himself.

Instead?

He’s even more lost now than he was before. He knows that the answer no longer lies with Darth Vader.

So how does this connect to his dialogue?

Because this mirrors another character’s trajectory. And I believe he says these words to the said character later in the film, when he realizes his past mistake.

Originally posted by starwarsfilms

Rey.

Why? Because she is still struggling, just as he is, with finding ‘her place in all this’. In other words, finding her sense of identity.

What I think is truly amazing is that somebody else in this sequel trilogy has already said these words before, or at least something to this effect.

Originally posted by bruceewayne

‘The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.’

Phrased completely differently but when you put that next to -

‘Let the past die. That’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.’

Yes, I know I cut a piece of dialogue out but it’s clear what is happening here, and in fact what is happening throughout this trailer.

Kylo and Rey’s paths are not just similar.

They are one and the same.

This is why people have come away from this trailer questioning whom Snoke is referring to. Because in a way it doesn’t matter. The point Lucasfilm is making here is that ‘Rey and Kylo are two halves-’

And you can finish off the rest of that sentence.

Now back to what I said at the beginning of this post. I think we will find out more of Rey’s past, but my daydreaming self is saying that Kylo warns Rey, just as Maz did, to not let her past completely inform her future. Otherwise, she could end up like him, misguided and lost. When he says ‘kill it if you have to’, this could be on a figurative level or it may allude to Rey’s dark origins (stay turned for that post).

If what he’s saying is basically the same as what Maz recommends to Rey, then what does that say about Kylo? What does that say about the light and dark, if they are essentially saying the same thing? :-)

So what do you guys think? Let me know through comments and reblog and check out for more posts in the coming days. This is such an exciting time to be part of this fandom and I love you all very much! You make the experience a hundred times more moving and fun! I nearly screamed at the end of that trailer and for a minute thought I was genuinely hallucinating. Gobsmacked, speechless, is best way I can describe it.

Jack Zimmermann was accustomed to dealing with difficult situations; he was captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team after all, but this? This was never in the job description.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Bitty whispered into the side of Jack’s neck, breath hot and sweet against his skin. The kegster ended a while ago but Bitty was still feeling the effects. When he fell off the coffee table attempting to dance to All the Single Ladies, Jack swept in ready to piggyback him to bed.

“Alright,” Jack said, mouthing I got this in Lardo’s direction before heading to the stairs.

“I don’t wanna be a single lady anymore,” His voice faltered and Jack became acutely aware of Bitty’s thighs around his hips. “I want a person. Everybody else has got a person.”

“With moves like that I don’t think you’ll have to wait long,” Jack said, supressing a chuckle.

“Mmhmm,” Bitty mumbled, fighting a losing war against sleep. Jack pushed open the door to Bitty’s room with his foot and ducked inside.

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Polydads

Also on ao3

Based on a post that @catsforartists made!

—–

When Amanda woke up, she decided to crawl out of bed to get a bowl of cereal. And eat it on the couch, of course.

“Ain’t nothing beat couch cereal.” She declared to the empty room and dug into her delicious and dangerously sugary cereal.

Almost immediately after taking a bite out of her cereal, she heard footsteps coming from her dad’s room, but, when she glanced up, she saw Damien walking by her.

“Good morning, Amanda dear.” Damien greeted.

“Mornin.” Amanda responded. She KNEW it. Her dad and Damien had been getting pretty close, so it wasn’t a completely wild assumption that they would start dating. And, of course, the footsteps she heard must be…

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Harry Styles Masterlist

[ smut = * ]

ONE SHOTS

In which Harry and you have been away from each other for way too long and him looking way too good before his show

“If you love something set it free. If it comes back It’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.”

Harry invites you over to his place and you both make out for the first time

In which Harry wakes up from feeling sick and y/n feels like she can’t do anything to make him feel better

Where Harry goes away for a couple days and y/n gets back into her old ways

Niall wants to prove to you that he is more fun than you think… and you might just give in.

You are away in Paris and Harry just misses you too much and wants you back home

Shouldn’t date a man who holds your paycheck right in his hand

Harry is lonely and meets a girl at a pet shop

Harry works at lush and you are a writer


PROMPTS

On The Edge With You (Spencer Reid x Reader)

My first Reid smut! Just an idea that popped in my head. PWP. Spencer Reid x Reader smut. The reader wonders just how Spencer gained his stamina in the bedroom, he shows her just how he gained that skill.


“Spencer, can I ask you something kind of,” You hesitated, “Personal?” You were both on his couch, you lying down with your feet in his lap. It was one of his rare weekends without a case or paperwork. You both opted for a quiet night in after going out to lunch.

“Sure?” He said looking up from his book, a little concerned. “We’ve been together for months Y/N, I hope you know you can ask me anything.”

“How do you last so long in bed?” You blurted out, trying to ignore the heat rising in your cheeks. You didn’t mean for it to sound so accusing. It was a valid question though, just the night before you came three times before Spencer even seemed close to finishing. It got you curious, and even a little worried.

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Theories (Peter Quill)

Pairing: Peter Quill x OC

Warnings: None…tiny, tiny spoiler for Vol. 2

A/N: This might be complete crap, but I desperately needed to write some Quill. I hammered this out earlier this morning and just did a quick edit, no rewriting. But hopefully it’s post worthy! I think a second part is in order? xD

PART TWO HERE


Originally posted by despairingfever

The sound of bickering voices drifted back from the cockpit, making me roll my eyes. I lowered the manuscript I was flipping through.

“Will you two morons cut it out already?” I hollered. I waited a beat, but the arguing went on. Probably hadn’t even heard me. Anyways, it wasn’t my job to break up the idiotic pissing contest that went on between Rocket and anyone he met. Or at the moment, Drax.

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13 Reasons Why (Tape 1)

Characters: Dean, sister!reader, Mary, Sam, John

Warnings: mention of death, angst, swearing

Word count: 4139

Summary: Dean listens to the first tape that you left after you died. He learns about the rules he has to follow with them, and who the first cause of your decision was.

A/N: italics are flashbacks to the events before your death

Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Dean woke up around 5am on Monday morning. It had been three months since you, his 18 year old sister, had decided to take your own life. Him and Sam never got a note, you were just gone and that was all they knew. They were too late to save you and that bothered him. Every morning since that day he woke up at 5am. He realised there was no going back to sleep so he climbed out of bed and headed to the door. When he opened the door he was surprised to be greeted with a small box in front of his feet. Dean looked left and right and noticed Sam wasn’t around to have just placed the box there. He sighed, picked it up, shut his door and walked back to his bed.

As he opened up the box he was confused as he noticed that all was inside were tapes. Why would someone give him a box of tapes? Dean rummaged through the box on his shelf and found his old tape player that John had given him when he was a kid and wanted to listen to AC/DC. He put the first mysterious tape inside the player and pressed play.

“Hello,” the familiar voice that he hadn’t heard for three months spoke which almost hurt his ears to know that he could hear in tape form. He must have been mistaken… It couldn’t be!

“My name is Y/N Winchester,” your tape continued. “I’m about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended… And if you’re listening to this tape,” The tape paused for a moment and Dean waited in suspense. “You’re one of the reasons why.”

He pulled the headphones off his head and sat there for a moment. He couldn’t believe the voice or words he was hearing. How could this be real? How could he really be hearing it? Having to listen to the voice of his deceased sister was hard for him, but the only way to find out more was listening to the tapes… So he continued. It wasn’t a fast decision, he took a breath and thought about just throwing them away. But then he would never know the reason why. This was like your suicide note, only in the form of 13 tapes.

His shaky hands picked up the headphones and placed them carefully on his head. He pressed play on the tape player and continued to listen. “As there are to every story, there are 13 different sides to this. I’m going to tell you all of them. Each tape is based on one of the people that are the reason my life ended. So, once you’ve listened to all the tapes you need to pass these on to the next person. If you don’t, well, just know that someone is always watching every single one of you and will make sure that all the tapes are listened to by every person. Now that you understand.. Let me begin with my first tape.”

Dean closed his eyes and followed the story you were telling. “First up, we have the thing that started it all… It was a normal day for you maybe, but not me at all. I didn’t know about hunting or any of that, not until you told me. I went to find you after mom had said she saw you earlier that day, I thought maybe it would be a chance for me to meet my father for the first time. Incase you hadn’t figured it out by now, we have our first person of the story. Welcome to your tape, John.”

Dean realised that John could have been the one these tapes outside of Dean’s room. He almost forgot that both of his parents now lived in the bunker with him and Sam. John must have listened to the tapes before him. Or maybe it was Mary? Since you died they both acted weirdly around both the boys, but then again, Mary acted strangely around you anyway so maybe she had something to do with all of this. He didn’t have time to think as the tape continued to play and tell Dean the story of what happened to you.

* * *

You were a nervous wreck ever since you joined your father and his two sons. Your mom insisted on you moving in with John so that you could bond and get to know your father after all those years of wishing you knew him. You knew it wouldn’t be easy meeting him when the day came, but you never expected it to be that hard.

He told you all about hunting and all his excuses of why he left you and your mother. They were stupid and you hated listening to him explaining, you needed someone to take your anger out on and that person was John. You needed to scream and shout at him every now and then for small things just so you could release some of the pain that he made you feel for most of your life.

But that shit didn’t fly with John, you either did as he said or you were gone. “It’s my way or the highway,” you recalled him saying to you a few times after your arguments. Sam and Dean didn’t live with John really, it was more like John lived with them, along with Mary Winchester. They owned this thing called the Men Of Letters Bunker. The place was huge, so many bedrooms you couldn’t count, you could have sworn you found a new room there everyday.

Before John moved in here, him and his wife (who was also the two boy’s mother) had come back to life after so many years. They didn’t fit into the word exactly so they relied on hunting as what kept them grounded. Sam, Dean, John, Mary and you. That’s how it was. Of course, being the youngest meant that you had to follow everyone’s rules and it was for your own ‘safety.’

* * *

“For my own safety? That was complete bullshit,” you spoke smoothly through Dean’s headphones. “You just wanted someone to boss around, dad. You couldn’t control Sam and Dean anymore, so you made sure that you could completely control me. Before that I didn’t have anyone controlling me, I could do what I wanted and act however I thought was right for me. You took that from me… That’s where it all started going down hill, it’s where I started to break.”

Dean once again paused the tape. He checked his nightstand and saw that it was now 6am. How had time moved so quickly? How long had it taken him to listen to this short part of the tape? He knew he had taken it out at the beginning because it was too hard to listen to, but he never knew he was stalling for so long.

A break from this right now seemed appropriate. So, he took the headset off, left it on his bed and headed to the kitchen to get something to eat. Every step he took felt heavier than the last. This wasn’t something new, it had been happening ever since you took your life, but now it was hitting him harder. It made every movement more painful than they had been before; he didn’t even know that was possible until now.

Once he reached the kitchen, he was pleasantly surprised to see that Mary, John and Sam were already there and eating breakfast. Sam was still at the stove, finishing up cooking some eggs and the rest of the bacon while John and Mary sat opposite each other and ate what they already had. “Dean,” John said by surprise. “You’re up later than usual.”

“It’s 6am,” Dean replied with a gravelly voice that he always had when he was tired. Lately, it seemed to be the only voice he had.

“You’re usually up at around 5,” John noted. Sam came and sat down next to Mary at the table and placed a plate down for himself and for Dean.

“You hungry?” Sam asked and Dean joined them at the table. “How you holding up?”

“I feel… Different to what I have for the last few months,” Dean replied to his little brother. “You know, I actually woke up at 5am again today. I stayed in my room because I found something left outside my door.”

All of their eyes widened as Dean spoke. They looked at each other before John spoke. “So she finally finished listening to them.”

“What? Who?” Dean questioned as he squeezed his fork tightly in his hand.

“We can’t talk about this,” Mary recalled before picking up a piece of bacon from her plate and eating it.

“You can’t do that to me! Who are you talking about?!” Dean demanded as he threw his fork down.

“The last person that had the tapes,” John told him which earned a glance from Mary and Sam.

“The tapes… You’ve all listened to them?” Dean looked around at them all. They were faces of the people he knew, they were his family. But they all felt so unfamiliar, like strangers with secrets.

“We can’t talk about it, you need to listen to the tapes,” Sam finished before taking his plate over to the trash can and throwing his food away.

“Are any of you on there? Who is the ‘she’ that you’re talking about? Is it someone else on the tapes?” Dean asked quickly, not giving them time to answer any of them as he continued. “Are you all on the tapes?”

“Dean, we can’t,” Mary snapped. “You have to just listen to the tapes, everyone on there had to.”

He stood up and made his way to the exit of the kitchen but stopped in his tracks.

“It’s hard to listen to,” Dean admitted with a sad voice. He stood in the door way as he spoke to them. “It’s the voice of my dead sister.”

“Dean!” John hissed. He looked at his son standing in there, he looked so heartbroken and vulnerable. “Please son, just listen to the tapes.”

Dean glared at them all. If looks could kill, they would all be dead in a second. He stormed off and went back to his room, it turned out he didn’t get any food or a drink to soothe his feelings of anxiety right now. He returned in the same state he was in before. Dean placed the headset back on his ears and continued to listen to John’s tape.

“But that wasn’t all, was it dad?” You questioned rhetorically. “No, you did more than just boss me around. When you realised you couldn’t do it anymore, you did the only thing that you thought you could do to end the lack of control…”

* * *

It was a few months after you had moved into the bunker and began your training to become a hunter. It wasn’t the physical side of it all because you already knew how to fight after your countless years of being bullied at school. That’s why the boys and your dad were so okay with you going hunting with them; they knew you could take care of yourself.

It was the research of it all. You weren’t used to connecting the dots with how certain monsters acted or what they did with how the victims had died. You gradually became better at it, but you weren’t as good as your brothers because they grew up doing it. You knew that. You understood that.

John didn’t seem to though. All he did was compared you to Sam and Dean and demanded that you become a smarter person. That wasn’t something you could just do, you can’t just snap your fingers one day and get what you want. You have to work for shit like that, it takes time and patience… But those were two things that John lacked.

It was that one day in the motel you were all staying in. The report in the paper said that the bystanders smelled sulphur after the woman was attacked. That was easy enough to figure out, right? Wrong. You weren’t trained enough in the mythology of monsters and you had no idea that sulphur was a sign of demons. You read past it and said there was nothing in there that could have been your kind of thing.

John insisted that you had missed something, just like he always did. You hated when you had to look for cases in the paper. Either you would misjudge it and say you had found a case or you would read past it too quickly and not realise that there was your kind of thing going on. No. You never got it right, so John always checked.

He held the paper in his hand as he sat opposite you at the small table in the motel. You watched nervously as his eyes scanned over the front page and read about the current murder spree going around. “Jesus Christ,” he groaned as he slammed the paper down on the table. “You’re kidding me right, Y/N? You don’t see a case here?”

“Uh, no, sir,” you replied shakily. Sam and Dean noticed your worry from where they were sitting on the beds. Mary was currently out on a supply run.

“It says here the by passers could smell sulphur,” John stated as he looked over at his sons.

“So what are we thinking, a demon?” Dean asked while he continued to clean his gun.

John clicked his tongue and Dean’s answer as if it was obvious. “Exactly… A demon.”

“A demon?” You questioned as you looked between all of them.

“The smell of sulphur is an instant alert for a demon,” Sam told you with a smile. He didn’t mind teaching you, he actually enjoyed it. He liked passing on his knowledge with you and helping you become a better hunter. He had patience… John didn’t.

“Yeah,” John snapped. “Every hunter should know that.”

You hated when he got like this because you instantly knew it was a dig at you and you were tired of it. The boys saw nothing of it because they didn’t pay enough attention. That’s why they thought you were in the wrong when you snapped back.

“Well, I’m still new at this so you can’t expect me to know everything,” you hissed which got John’s back up. You were glad it pissed him off, it was time that he took you seriously.

“You do not speak to your father like that!” He shouted as he stood from his chair and pushed it back aggressively.

You stood up too so you could regain dominance in the conversation. “What kind of father are you? I barely even know you!”

“This isn’t about me,” he replied with a steady tone.

“Yes it is!” You screamed. “This is about you… This is about what you didn’t do. You weren’t there because you were too busy hunting with your other family. And yes, I know that you died when I was a kid, but even when you came back to life you didn’t bother looking for me.”

“I thought we were past this,” he growled with flared nostrils.

“We are. We are past this,” you lied. You weren’t over it, but you had to pretend you were for the sake of everyone else. “I’m not reminding you about it because I’m hurt, I’m reminding you because you need to understand my point of view. I’m not good at researching cases with you because I was never here for it. And you’re not good at being a father to me because you were never there.”

When you finished your statement it was as if the world stopped for a minute. You came to terms with what you had said and realised that you meant it; John wasn’t as accepting towards the statement as you were. The boys both gasped as they saw John’s hand being drawn back.

Before you could react to his movement, John’s hand made harsh contact with your cheek. It was enough force that if pushed you to the floor. You breathed heavily as you stood up; you were holding your hand against your cheek in disbelief.

“You asshole!” You growled as your stood on your feet. “You fucking asshole!”

“What the hell is going on?” Mary demanded as she walked through the door. “Y/N? What happened to your face?”

“It was dad! He slapped me!” You screamed. “You’re a dick, how could you?!”

“Dad, you crossed the line,” Sam said. “You don’t hit your kids.”

“Things just got out of hand,” Dean insisted. “They should never have gone this far, you need to talk about this and sort it out because this shit has been going on for too long. All you do is argue with each other over the smallest things.”

“Dean! He hit her!” Sam defended as he stood up in annoyance.

“We’ve all hit each other! Hell, we’ve tried to kill each other before,” Dean recalled. You couldn’t believe Dean would actually try and defend his father, you thought he had changed.

“Why are you defending him?!” You fumed.

“I’m not,” Dean said calmly. He put his arms up in defence as he continued to talk. “All I’m saying is we have all done terrible things to each other, our family is messed up. This is something that’s needs to be dealt with and then we move on.”

You scoffed at his words. John looked down at you the same way he always did, his eyes full of hatred and boiling with anger. “There’s nothing to talk about. I want you gone, Y/N.”

“But-”

“No!” John spat. “I want you gone, get the fuck out of here. Go back to living with your mom, the hunting life isn’t for everyone and you’re most definitely not meant to be a hunter.”

You couldn’t believe the words that were leaving his mouth. You looked at your brothers and saw that even they didn’t know what to say. You grabbed your things, threw them into a backpack and walked out like you weren’t even bothered. But of course you were. You were so desperate for one of them to follow you and beg you to come back… But no one ever did.

* * *

“You hit me in the face. It hurt. But not as much as it hurt when you hit me with rejection and hatred. You wanted me gone… I hated you, John, more than I had ever hated anyone. You felt the same way about me and I wasn’t going to stick around for that so I headed back to my moms.”

Dean once again removed the headphones and paused the tape. There wasn’t long left of this tape but it was so hard for him to listen to. He checked his clock on his nightstand once again and saw that it was now 1:35pm. Food. He needed food.

Another walk to the kitchen with pain in his steps led to a nervous feeling in his stomach. What John had done to you was so bad, what if Dean’s was worse? What if he had hurt you but had no idea that it had affected you so badly? Dean was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw his father sitting alone at the kitchen table and drinking a beer.

“Hey, son,” he said with a soft voice. “You doing ok?”

“I’m great,” Dean snapped. “I won’t talk to you and piss you off though, I don’t wanna get a beating.”

John sighed and rubbed his palm over his face. “You listened to my tape.”

“I haven’t finished it yet,” Dean shook his head. “It’s still hard to listen to.”

John didn’t reply to what Dean said, he just took another swig of his beer and stared at the wall. Dean went to the fridge and pulled out some left over bacon that was cooked that morning. He put the plate in front of him and his father at the table as he came and sat opposite him. “Stop staring at the wall and look at me,” Dean demanded. John looked at the disappointment in his sons eyes. “Feeling sorry for yourself won’t bring her back.”

Now he saw something in John that he had never let him see before. It was weakness. “I remember that day,” Dean continued. “I remember that I defended you when you hurt her because I was scared that what you did would make her leave. I was selfish and I wanted her to stay so I tried to justify what happened.”

“Son-”

“I’m not finished,” Dean snapped. “What you did drove her away from our family… The only reason she came back was because she had nowhere else to go after she went home and found her moms dead body. If you didn’t send her away she would never had seen that.”

“You don’t think I know that!” John shouted which caught Dean by surprise. He sighed as he realised his anger had once again got the better of him. “Dean-” his voice was steady and low, “-the reason I did that to her was to protect her.”

“You hit her to protect her?” Dean demanded.

“I pushed her away to protect her,” John said as tears began to form in his eyes. “Before I slapped her I kept snapping at her and being nasty to her because I wanted her to leave so she could be safe. I knew that if I told her that she wouldn’t leave, and no matter how many times I shouted at her or was a complete dick to her she would just get upset… But she would stay. I had to do something that would finally make her leave; I had to make her think that I hated her so that she would hate me. If she stayed with us she would have continued to hunt and I wanted better for her.”

John wiped his tears away before drinking more of his beer. It was as if he thought the alcohol would soothe the sting, but it only made it worse. “I loved my baby,” he cried. “She was my only daughter and she made me proud every day. I’ll never get a chance to tell her that.”

Dean shook his head. He understood why John did what he did and he sympathised with him, but it didn’t matter. That wouldn’t bring you back. It wouldn’t fix anything. “She’s dead because you were too scared to love her.”

Dean didn’t plan on saying it, it was just a thought that popped into his head but he needed to get it out. Secrets were one of the reasons you ended your life, he didn’t want to keep them anymore.

John had no idea how to respond to Dean. How could someone reply to that? He was one of the causes of his daughters death because he was a coward. Dean didn’t even know what to think anymore. He needed to know more. He had one more bite of the bacon before he put the plate back in the fridge and headed back to his room.

They were still there when he got back. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was hoping that the tapes weren’t real and that you were still there in the bunker. When you moved in you told him that you wanted your room next to his so you could knock on the wall if you wanted to talk to each other.

He picked the tape player up, it felt colder than when he last held it. A chill shot down his spine as he thought about the tapes again and how they were all you left behind. Your voice played again in his ears.

“After you kicked me out, dad, I went back for my mom. I ran in to my house, crying my eyes out because of what you did. I wanted comfort from my mom,” you explained. “She was all I needed right at that moment because in my whole life she was all I ever had. But I never got to speak to her… I went into her room and found her covered in blood. She didn’t move… Or breathe… She did nothing.”

Your voice broke as you spoke about your mothers death and Dean closed his eyes at the thought. “And this, ladies and gentlemen, brings me to my second tape. And you know who you are when I say that on my next tape, we’re going to talk about the person that murdered my mother.”

Tags ~

@jarpadobrien @thejulietfarciertlove @bluecookiesandbooks @little-miss-padfoot @thisnoticeisnotworthnoticing @catcherofdreams22 @fabulouslycassie@uchihababeee @lust-for-pan @weirdrandomunknownperson @you-didnt-see-that-cuming @thegreatficmaster @chloemwinchester

Space Heater

Summary: When the heater goes out, you’re left freezing and unable to get warm. Luckily, Bucky might be able to help that.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1838

Warnings: none (unless you count being very cold), just fluffy, cuddly goodness!

A/N: AHHH I’m back!! This is my first crack at writing fanfic in like 4 months since I’ve been on hiatus, but I’m excited to get writing again! I wanted to come back with a fluffy one-shot (since those are relatively easy), so here you guys go! As always, I hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by apocryphalstories

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“If people are meant to be, no matter how far they drift, they find their way back”

Maybe it was our time to fall apart, maybe the world saw I was falling too hard, falling too young and it needed to be stopped immediately, or maybe we truly are just not meant to be together.

But I can’t seem to shake the feelings, I can’t seem to shake the memories or the words we said. We were everything that a girl dreams of, maybe I was stupid for dreaming that we could last, maybe I was so in love I ignored every sign pointing me away from you or maybe for once in my life, I’m right. Maybe for once, I know exactly what I’m doing, exactly what I’m talking about.

I don’t believe that two lovers, as strong as us, could just be a lesson in life. I don’t believe that God placed us together to teach us something because the only thing I’ve learnt is that I’m totally madly in love with you.

That’s no lesson to me, I haven’t been taught anything, you haven’t finished your purpose in my life. I believe the lesson you’ll teach is that if people are meant to be, no matter how far they drift, they find their way back.

It’s not over for me, it’s not even close. I can still picture our future, I see it every night in my dreams, so to hell to everyone who says it’s not going to happen. I feel it, in my bones, in my heart, in my gut, I can feel the power of my love for you and I can’t seem to let it go. I’m not staying by choice, my hearts drawn to you.

And maybe I’m wrong, maybe we were meant to fall apart and stay apart, maybe we weren’t right and maybe you have taught me an invisible lesson.

But I’m going to hold onto the idea of me being right, and whatever comes next, good or bad, I’ll take full responsibility for it.

I’m in love with you, and I think you’re still in love with me.

anonymous asked:

I loved you saying "shush" to Anxiety in that video. Honestly sometimes that's a great way to handle irl anxiety (depending on the amount of it and stuff), like when the anxious thoughts appear, you just say "shut up" and keep going the best way you can.

Hahah yessss! It was meant to mirror exactly what I do sometimes irl

BTS MASTERLIST

~ Main Masterlist ~

Reactions:

Their girlfriend being a drummer, a dancer & a rapper in a girl group

A really tall foreigner asking them for directions

Their girlfriend eating junk food at night when she’s on a diet

Mafia AU When their fiancee runs away

Their smaller and younger S/O protecting them

Their son getting sick

Their best friend coming out to her parents but they refuse to accept her

Seeing their girlfriends birthmark for the first time

Mafia AU Regaining their fiancee’s trust after she ran away

Their s/o always being affectionate because of their past

You having skin discoloration

Mafia AU When their pregnant wife tries to leave them to protect their unborn child

Their girlfriend being Hyuna’s back up dancer

Their S/O singing and dancing along while watching Disney movies

Time Traveller AU Their future S/O being in charge of an entire country

Mafia AUWhen their s/o gets hurt because of their job


Scenarios/One Shots/Drabbles:

  • Suga/Min Yoongi

Mafia AU Rumours

College AU That’s Almost Exactly The Opposite Of What I Meant (Writing Prompt)

Were You Ever Going To Tell Me?” (Writing Prompt)

We’re In The Middle Of A Thunderstorm And You Want To Stop And Feel The Rain? (Writing Prompt)

You Are The Single Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me (Writing Prompt)

Mafia AUSeparate Case

College AU, Mafia AU I’m Up To The Challenge (Writing Prompt)

  • Jeon Jungkook

Please Don’t

I Want This Moment To Last

She Can’t Do This To Me

Can’t We Start Over?

Mafia AU You Can’t Leave

  • J-Hope/Jung Hoseok

Mafia AU Only If For A Little While

  • Rap Monster/Kim Namjoon

Mafia AU You’re Safe Now. I’ve Got You (Writing Prompt)

I Fell In Love With My Best Friend (Writing Prompt)


Series:

  • Kim Taehyung

✽  I Can’t Leave Her Here [Part 1] [Part 2]


Other:

BTS as the Mafia + How He Met You



P.S. If you don’t see your request done here, I’m not ignoring it. I just need time to catch up with all of them.

Neighbour AU

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and Laurent’s neighbours having a loud argument every weekend. Laurent does not pay an exorbitant amount of rent just so that he can be woken up at three in the morning every Saturday because Jokaste is angry at Damen again. It’s bad enough that he knows their names without having ever introduced himself.

And of course, the fights are always followed by even louder make-up sex, as if he needs a weekly reminder that he himself isn’t getting any.

Tonight, it seems, Damen has been locked out of his apartment.

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