Yesterday I was so overjoyed to share all your stories of female friendship but today I wanted to talk about the stuff that’s less easy. The scary stuff. The things that knock around my head in the dead of night and convince me that I am doomed to misery or mediocrity. The things we don’t tell our friends until they get so big that we can’t handle them alone.
I’ve been told I come across as a confident person, that I seem to know what I’m doing. I don’t. I struggle most days with feeling out of place, unmotivated, incapable, scared that I will fail. And I decided that maybe saying that out loud might be helpful to some of you, to know that I’m a mess of insecurity, no matter how many jokes I crack or positive posts I make
I could tell you about my work related stress dreams, or about how I am pretty sure I will never be as fulfilled as I was for 6 months when I was 21 or the fact that I’ve been single for almost a decade… but instead I’m gonna tell you the big one. The one that lies under all of those fears.
I’m not going to tag people today, because this is super personal and we all have different comfort levels, but if you would like to reblog or post and share your own fear, something you struggle to control, something your brain knows is untrue but your heart breaks over, please feel free. You can post your fear anonymously in my inbox, because just writing it down can be cathartic (and scary). Alternatively, if you would like to just talk to me about it in private, my inbox is open and I’m home all day.
If this helps even one person realise that they’re not alone in being utterly terrified then it was worthwhile. Verbalising it was weirdly helpful for me, and I think identifying fear is the first stage in facing it down.