If you guys believe in prayer, could you pray for my family? Drama is tearing it up and I’ve cried more often in the past month than I have in the past three years (give or take). If you need specifics, please just pray for piercing honesty.
Hey all, please pray for my grandmother. She is in the later stages of dementia and heavily medicated. I have not been much in contact with her for some years, for a variety of reasons that are not about anger/fault, but I am not really able to be present for her except through prayer. I would be so grateful for any prayers directed her way. She always struggled to be at peace when she had full command of her faculties, and she doesn’t seem to be at peace now either.
Since we are at the cusp of Thanksgiving week, I thought I’d write out what my heart and soul is feeling right now in this moment.
Last night I scrolled through my blog and meditated on how my circumstances have changed me to be a better person. I took a couple of hrs to scroll… scroll.. scroll… I smiled, cringed, laughed, teared up and couldn’t help but think that I do have an extended family on Tumblr.
You ladies have been so helpful through out my journey.The comments, likes, prayers and good vibes are just what I’ve needed in my moments of need.
I’m thankful and appreciate your kindness and sweet words. It’s so much easier to talk/ vent to ya’ll than going to my friends/ family and tell them everything that is going on in my life. You ladies are amazing and I’m so glad I joined this family 4 years ago.
I’ve been negative Nancy these past couple of days, months and well… this whole year has been shit, really lol. BUT…
Here’s an array of things I’m thankful for, proud of, look forward to:
My grandmothers health
My relationship with God
My growing communication with my mom
My first vehicle I purchased in March
Spiritual/ love growth
Standing up for myself
Letting go of negative friendships/ relationships
Resigning from a toxic work environment
I look forward to:
Spending quality time with my family this thanksgiving
The future with my boyfriend
My job interview the week after Thanksgiving! ahhh!
Christmas/ New Years
Future travel adventures
Making new memories
I’m truly thankful for the good, bad and the ugly. I’m excited for what’s to come in 2018!
I look forward to reading, growing, learning more about your lives! <33
taz characters as comments from a reddit thread about drunk people @ parties
Taako: “Someone went through the house and stole every lightbulb in the house. The owner was passed out at this point. The person was dedicated, even took the bulb from the fridge”
Lup: “A guy kept feeding the bathtub fire until the tv ten feet away melted”
Barry: “My friend has a recording of me sulking over a girl years ago and I said, ‘I’m gonna kill myself in half’”
Merle: “We found our friend (who we had lost earlier) at Denny’s, at 4 in the morning, in a prayer circle with some random family”
Magnus: “A friend of mine was extremely drunk and saw this guy walking his dog. My friend started petting the dog and when the owner asked him to stop he started petting the man instead.”
Davenport: “The host got belligerently drunk, forgot who he’d shook hands with/talked to, and spent the rest of the night making rounds shaking everyone’s hand at least half a dozen times before passing out.”
Lucretia: “After last call, she asked if we were still open. When I told her no, she thanked me for my service and my kindness. When I turned my back, she grabbed a half empty bottle of champagne an earlier customer had left and poured herself a large to-go cup of champagne and walked out. ”
Carey: “Someone stole my friends front door, just ripped if off the hinges and ran down the street”
Killian: “I broke 3 glasses within an hour of each other. Kind of wasn’t my fault but still got forced to drink of a plastic cup for the rest of the night.”
I was 18 when I met her in a college library five years ago.
I left my notebook at home that day and needed paper to write on for a homework assignment. In search of scrap paper, I looked to my left and there she was…
I asked her for a single sheet of paper to use and she gave me three. I was in love.
Over the next year of being in school together, we had many conversations and found we had a lot in common. We both valued family, altruism, happiness, spontaneity, and living with purpose.
But there was one thing we could never agree on.
She was a Christian and I, a Muslim. She didn’t understand how anyone could follow Islam, a cult of falsehood, oppression, sexism, violence and terrorism.
Truth is, I never knew how to respond to her criticisms about Islam because I wasn’t practicing my parents’ faith at the time.
However, my competitive nature kicked in and to prove this white chick wrong, I began reading the Quran…
Reflect on how unreal this is.
Allah made her (not a Muslim) a medium through which he would call me towards Islam.
At the exact same time, I was a medium for her to see an Islam that was different to what the media promoted.
I began performing my daily prayers, I stopped smoking and I quit some other nasty habits.
She began researching Islam in depth, attended prayers in mosques and befriended many Muslims.
Three and a half years ago, she became a Muslim and did so because she felt it was the truth.
We knew we wanted to be together but our family’s approval would be challenging to attain.
It took many years for my family to get over their fear that a white girl was manipulating me and simply acting like she was a Muslim so I could fall into her trap.
It took many years for her family to accept that she wasn’t being brainwashed into accepting Islam and that she wasn’t falling into a trap.
Both of our family’s wanted the best for us, but were giving into their fear of the unknown.
We recognized this and grounded ourselves in good old patience.
We knew we’d be married one day, we could see it in our minds and that we’d do it with the approval of our families.
That’s exactly what happened last weekend. Both of our family’s were at our wedding and couldn’t be happier that we found each other. Alhamdulillah.
Everything that is good in life takes hard work and dedication.
We did this for the sake of Allah and held on tight until now because of the belief that we would shatter stereotypes, pave the road for others in our community with the same challenges and of course, fulfill half of our deen.
So this is a story from many years back and is not my own revenge, but more on that later. Names and details have been changed to protect those involved from any backlash.
So my father is a pastor, he’s led several congregations and helped many people. I have never once seen him get angry or upset at anyone (no matter how badly they treat him). He is understanding and kind to the point where several people without a father still call him “dad.”
My sister ended up with a rare illness and had several doctors appointments and missed a ton of school and everything. She is just as kind and compassionate as my father and quite sensitive, but also strong willed. Throughout her illness (still ongoing after 15 years) she remained positive, still graduated high school on time and finished med school.
Now that you have the backgrounds of the innocent, let’s move to dumb cunt. This was a woman that insulted everyone in the church and was a constant source of tension. But, being a congregation about love and growing as a person, they just kept praying that she would eventually see the errors of her ways and realize that she is the least godly among the group (never happened afaik). These prayers continued until she messed with my sister and told her “the reason you are ill is because you are a bad person and you need to pray to god for forgiveness… you’ll know when god accepts you back because you will be healed.” I know, right.
Eventually my sister told our family about it over the dinner table and my fathers kindness stayed the same… but only on the outside… because 2 weeks later he held a vote to have this woman excommunicated from not only the church, but the entire denomination.
It was the only time he has ever done this, and the only time I have ever witnessed him exact revenge on someone. But it was glorious. She stormed out when the vote was announced and tried to get my father kicked out before the vote could happen, but everyone already knew about her bullshit, so she was out. I never saw her again and I hope she is rotting in a gutter somewhere.
Self reflection. It allows you to comprehend your life, what your role must be, what the meaning of your existence is and your objectives. It guides you to grasp the fact that you have this one life, to not be arrogant or egotistical and to value/cherish relationships. In my religion, one hour of reflection is greater than 70 years of prayers/worship. Self reflection is key for you to evolve as a full human being.
Our math teacher, whom I will dub Mrs. Math, is notoriously difficult. She isn’t a bad teacher, but she moves extremely quickly, and it’s not an uncommon thing for the highest grade in the class to be a 93 (which is just BARELY an A in our school system). Last year’s math class, however, was full of extremely talented people, and one of them who stood out the most was Kevin Luo, who made a 35 on the ACT in the math section in 7th grade.
So one day, Mrs. Math is late to class. This wasn’t a regular occurrence, but it had happened once or twice before so we shouldn’t have been too worried. Except that this was the day of an exam. An exam over, and keep in mind this is a class of eighth graders, proving trigonometric identities.
Ten minutes past the bell and I could see some people getting super nervous. Some people are telling jokes to keep the us entertained and not so nervous. This year’s Math Prodigy™ whom I will call Sam stands up and makes a PSA about how this was “going to be okay” and that “Mrs. Math was probably gonna give us extra time.”
Fifteen minutes past the bell. Those of us not telling crude jokes, hyperventilating, or trying to calm down the people hyperventilating are busy flipping through our textbooks to get some last minute studying in. I’m busy trying to remember the practice problems when I hear a shout: “I have Kevin Luo’s work in here!”
The person who’d inherited Kevin’s textbook had found a sheet of scratch paper stuffed in between the pages, with his name on it and everything. Everyone crowded around to take a look at it, and one of my friends gets an idea. “Hey everyone,” she says, and we all turn to listen.
Twenty minutes past the bell and everyone’s head is on their desks, hands folded, as Sam holds up Kevin’s work and begins a prayer.
Now, our class is pretty diverse. I know that there are like 5 or 6 christians, 3 or 4 people who believe in Hinduism, and 2 Jewish people. But we were all united together in prayer so a math prodigy could bless us with some of his genius for the test. Heck, even the atheists were praying. It was wild, and also my most vivid memory from this school year.
(Sorry that this got so long, but it was an incredible experience and I really wanted to do it justice)
Being someone who struggles with their chronic pain and mental illnesses on a daily basis, I often find myself updating my self-care routines quite frequently. What may work for me for one week, may need to evolve, change or be completely reworked for another. Today has been a wonderful day of renovating my self-care regimen. I wanted to share with you all my Tarot self-care kit and how I utilize it in my life. Over the course of a few years, one of my therapists helped me to compartmentalize my self-care process into six areas of focus in my life; mental, emotional, physical, practical, spiritual and social. Sometimes I only have the energy to work on one area or half of an area and other times I am able to do up to three at one time. The important thing for me is to not stress myself and take an even bigger toll on my health by trying to accomplish more than I can.
In my Tarot Self-Care Kit, I have a few things that I know will help me during the trying times in my life.
The Happy Tarot: This Tarot deck is one that I always go to during any type of self-care regimen. The images make me smile and it is such a cute deck to work with whenever I am feeling anxious or upset. This deck was gifted to me by my parents during a really rough time in my life so it holds extra special value to me.
The Amethyst Oracle: This oracle deck has quickly become a staple in my kit. It’s straightforward answers and intuitive nature really helps me tune into what I need to focus on. The artwork is beautiful and has become one of the decks I use whenever I need a balanced reading.
Journal: My journal is an important part of my self-care kit. I utilize it to write down my energy levels, my interpretation to my self-care Tarot spread, as a tracker for my water intake, a gratitude journal and any prayers to God.
Smile File: I have a section in the back of my journal for something called a Smile File. I was first introduced to this idea from one of my first therapists many years ago. A smile file is a place where you keep nice messages others have sent you, compliments from others and things you have accomplished in your life. The premise of it is to make you smile and remind you of the good in your life. I use my smile file to remind me that my life is worth living and that people love and appreciate me.
Palo Santo: I utilize palo santo before and after my self-care regimen. My aunt who lives in South America brings me some when she comes to visit. Each little stick reminds me of the love she has for me. I burn a little bit of it as it helps to clear the air from any previous negative emotions and energy from past depression or anxiety episodes I have had. I burn some after I have finished my self-care regimen to promote a positive flow of energy.
Manifestation Candle: I like to set positive intentions during my self-care regimen. I usually pray over the candle asking for clarity of mind and to help with my chronic pain. I then like to do a Tarot trick where I find the sun card and use it to help me with the best plan of action concerning my self-care regimen. The card to the left of the sun is one way I can care for myself with the help of my wellness team and the right is a way I can care for myself on my own. I leave the three cards in front of my manifestation candle to amplify its energies. I often use positive affirmations such as I love, accept and appreciate myself, I choose to let go of negative self-talk, I am a priority in my own life.
Violet Salt And Lavender Buds: I use both violet salt and lavender buds to help bring comfort and peace to me whenever I am triggered by past traumas. I make my own room spray with those two ingredients to calm me down. It also makes a perfect pillow spray before I go to sleep. I also use the violet salt and lavender buds if I feel that my decks need a cleansing after using them. I don’t do this often as I don’t really feel the need to cleanse my decks but when I do, I pray over the salt to remove any negativity and then pray over the lavender to calm the energies down of the deck. I then keep the deck in question in a small bowl with the mixture for 24 hours.
Tea and Mug: I try to stay hydrated as best as I can but I am not perfect. I like to treat myself to my favorite tea in one of my favorite mugs and sip contently as I work on myself.
Crystals: In my toolkit, I like to keep three crystals: Amethyst, Rose Quartz, and a Rose Quartz Seer Stone. Those three stones help to generate positive vibrations of love, healing, and acceptance.
Himalayan Salt Tea Light Holder: I utilize this to help remove any negativity that is around me and to help clear the air in my bedroom. The soft glow from this lamp is also soothing for me to watch and relaxes me whenever I am having an anxiety episode.
Tarot Spread: I created this Tarot Spread to help me with my self-care regimen. It is one I have used and tweaked throughout the years and still helps me on days like today.
(Hurricane Andrew compared to Hurricane Irma in size as of 9/07/2017)
I’ve lived in South Florida for majority of my 24 years and this will be the first time many others and I will encounter a hurricane at this scale. To everyone in Florida, I hope you are ready and stay safe throughout this weekend. My prayers are with you all!
Paul Monette’s husband, Roger Horowitz died of AIDS related complications in in 1985. Monette died of AIDS related complications in 1995.
ate me alive day and night these land mines all over like the toy bombs dropped on the Afghans little Bozo jack-in-the-boxes that blow your hands off 3 A.M. I’d go around the house with a rag of ammonia wiping wiping crazed as a housewife on Let’s Make a Deal the deal being PLEASE DON’T MAKE HIM SICK AGAIN faucets doorknobs the phone every lethal thing a person grips and leaves his prints on scrubbed my hands till my fingers cracked washed apples ten times ten no salad but iceberg and shuck the outer two thirds someone we knew was brain dead from sushi so stick to meatloaf creamed corn spuds whatever we could cook to death DO NOT USE THE D WORD EVEN IN JEST when you started craving deli I heaved a sigh because salami was so de- germed with its lovely nitrates to hell with cholesterol that’t for people way way over the hill or up the hill not us in the vale of borrowed time yet I was so far more gone than you nuts in fact ruinous as a supermom with a kid in a bubble who can’t play and ten years later can’t work can’t kiss can’t laugh but his room’s still clean every cough every bump would nothing ever be nothing again cramming you with zinc and Haagen-Dasz so wild to fatten you up I couldn’t keep track of what medicine what old wives’ but see THERE WAS NO MEDICINE only me and to circle the wagons and the island the last of our magic spoon by spoon nap by nap till we healed you as April heals drinking the sun I was Prospero of the spell of day-by-day and all of this just the house worry peanuts to what’s out there and you with the dagger at your jugular struggling back to work jotting your calendar two months ahead penciling clients husbanding husbanding inching back and me agape with the day’s demises who was swollen who gone mad ringing you on the hour how are you compared to ten noon one come home and have blintzes petrified you’d step in an elevator with some hacking CPA the whole world ought to be masked please I can’t even speak of the hospital fear fists bone white the first day of an assault huddled by your bed like an old crone empty- eyed in a Greek square black on black the waiting for tests the chamber of horrors in my head my rags and vitamins dumb as leeches how did the meningitis get in where did I slip up what didn’t I scour I’d have swathed the city in gauze to cushion you no man who hasn’t watched his cruelest worry come true in a room with no door can ever know what doesn’t die because they lie who say it’s over Rog it hasn’t stopped at all are you okay does it hurt what can I do still still I think if I worry enough I’ll keep you near the night before Thanksgiving I had this panic to buy the plot on either side of us so we won’t be cramped that yard of extra grass would let us breathe THIS IS CRAZY RIGHT but Thanksgiving morning I went the grave two over beside you was six feet deep ready for the next murdered dream so see the thread was real why not worry worry is like the prayer uis like God if you have none they all forget there’s the other side too twelve years and not once to fret WHO WILL EVER LOVE ME that was the heaven at the back of time but we had it here now black on black I wander frantic never done with worrying but it’s mine it’s a cure that’s not in the books are you easy my stolen pal what do you need is it sleep like sleep you want a pillow a cool drink oh my one safe place there must be something just say what it is and it’s yours
Three years. Only three years since this started, since I realized that, for me, there would only ever be Harry.
I think about our beginning as I play with one of his dark curls, rolling it between my fingers, savoring the softness of it, breathing in the scent of it.
“Draco,” Harry murmurs as he comes to. I love the way he says my name, almost like it’s a prayer.
“Harry,” I respond.
“We’re married,” he says softly.
I laugh and run my fingers through his hair affectionately. The morning sunlight catches on my ring and it glitters beautifully.
“Yes we are. You’re not having second thoughts now, are you?”
“That’s not funny!” I punctuate my remark with a kick to his shins.
Harry cackles loudly and catches my arm just as I’m about to pinch him. I start to protest but he interrupts me by flipping me over and pinning me to the mattress. He looks at me warmly before leaning down for a kiss. I manage to kiss him back for a couple of seconds before I burst into giggles against his mouth.
“What?” he asks, his voice breathy and happy.
“I was just thinking about our first date.”
“Oh, Draco, no, please,” he pleads with me.
“Remember what you wore?” I continue, laughing between my words. “The plaid sport coat and the polka dot tie! I can’t believe you thought you were being fashionable.”
“Yes, well,” he says. Harry settles himself on my thighs and looks at me petulantly. “I suppose it’s a good thing you’ll always be around to dress me from now on.”
“Do you remember our first kiss?”
His expression turns sweet and sentimental. How utterly predictable. I love him anyway, though.
“Our first kiss…” he trails off with a sigh and looks like he’s very much in love with me in this moment. I like it when he looks like that. It makes me want to kiss him. So I do. And we kiss and kiss until the kisses turn into something more.
When it’s over, and we’re sweaty and tired, Harry peppers my face with kisses.
“Promise me,” he begins, pausing to kiss my forehead. “That it will always be this way. That we’ll always love each other this much.”
I don’t like promises. My mother promised me that I’d never have to become a Death Eater. She was held at wand point as Voldemort engraved the Dark Mark onto my arm. My father promised me that we were on the winning side of the war. He hung himself in his cell in Azkaban two years later. Pansy promised me that she’d hate me forever after I broke up with her. Eight years after that, she made me the godfather of her firstborn, a little boy named Paulo. But this promise, I like.
“I promise you,” I tell Harry sincerely.
After placing a kiss on my right cheek, he says, “You’re such a sap, Potter.”
“Oh, do shut up,” I reply. I roll my eyes, but can’t stop the grin that stretches across my face.
“I’m going to have a lot of fun with this whole ‘Draco Potter’ thing.”
I really wasn’t going to mention this, but I figured I could use the support from you guys. Yesterday my Mom was rushed to hospital. After almost 7 hours in the emergency room she’s been transferred to another hospital to have surgery. It’ll most likely happen today or tomorrow and then she will have another long recovery. After her last time in hospital at the beginning of the year she was never the same. She’s weaker. Her brain has deteriorated further as has her body and I’m not sure if it’ll be able to get her through surgery this time around.
My Mom has been suffering for a long time and part of me wants her to be at peace because I know how painful and difficult this process is going to be, but at the same time I’m not sure if I’m ready to say goodbye to her forever. I guess what I’m asking for are prayers for the best outcome for her, not for me. If she does get through it then please pray for her recovery to be quick and painless. If she doesn’t get through it then please pray for myself and for my family to find a way to deal with saying goodbye to her and for us to heal together after so many years. I’m so grateful for the love and support all of you have given me throughout the years. It helps more than you know. Thank you.