this is my lowest of the low

Low Spoon Spirit Work/Companion Tips

12 Spirit Work Tips for people with low spoons, or just anyone who doesn’t have as much energy at the moment.

Tip #1 -Look at the stars with them

I really love to look at the stars with my companions. It is amazing after a hectic or stressful day to just sit outside and think about nothing with my spirit family.

Tip #2 -Watch Tv

Seriously just sit down, and decide on a show together. Ro is a huge fan of Peaky Blinders on Netflix, so I always try to watch at least an episode of it when I can with him.

Tip #3 -Find a YouTuber they enjoy

Ro is a big fan of beauty gurus and Archie likes to watch horse videos with me. Hyl seems to like when I binge watch music videos. There is something for every companion on youtube.

Tip #4 -Hum to music together

I love to sing but sometimes I don’t have enough energy to. I usually just hum while laying down if I can’t sing right then.

Tip #5 -Write a story with your spirit companion as a character.

I’m currently working on a story with both Archie and Ro in it and Hyl is gonna make an appearance in one of my other story’s. For me writing is super relaxing and low energy.

Tip #6 - Draw a Doodle of them

I doodle anyways so just channeling a little energy into what my companions might look as a doodle isn’t a huge thing. (This is a bit more high energy and is only for when I feel a little better than normal.)

Tip #7 -Cuddle them

My all time freaking favorite. This is the lowest of all the energy things. Its also pretty self explanatory.

Tip #8 - READ BOOKS!!!

Can you tell I like reading with my companions? Hyl and I bond over reading literally every day.  

Tip #9 -Write a letter

Pour out your feelings, hopes and dreams in this letter and then show it to them. Also one can try channeling with their companion to receive a letter from the companion.

Tip #10 -Write a poem

If you are an artistic person or like writing poems this one is for you people that are blessed with an awesome vocabulary. Also you could write one line of the poem and they can write the next line.

Tip #11 -Play Hot&Cold

Try to feel their energy and use how your body responds as a way to detect them when they are nearby. It is super easy to turn this into a fun and entertaining game.

Tip #12 -Twenty Questions

Use a twenty questions app to learn things about them that you might not ask them yourself.

Sorry if this post seemed a little lackluster. I really had to push myself to finish it… Low spoon problems. Anyways I hope someone finds this helpful. Thanks for reading.

3

Making dried orange peel!
These can be used for baths, hot teas or ciders, potpourri, or witchcraft! The process is extremely simple, and makes the entire house smell nice and fresh (which is also a good way to cleanse and banish negative energies in the home, as I’ve noticed). You can also do this with lemons, it’s the same process and the same usage!

The process:
-Get a large amount of healthy oranges with unblemished skin. Be sure to wash the oranges and scrub them lightly, because they are often coated with lots of germs and pesticides, which you REALLY don’t want on your dried product!

-Peel them however you wish, I find it easier to peel the entire orange in a giant coil shape, and then cut that coil to whatever sized pieces that I want my end result to be. Keep in mind that bigger pieces will be easier to strain out of whatever you use these in, so shaving them extremely tiny isn’t very convenient.

-Set your oven to it’s lowest setting, preferably around 200°. Place an aluminum foil sheet over a cookie tray, and generously arrange your peels on the foil. You don’t have to wait until the oven is completely heated, just stick them in there.

-The key is to expose them to low heat for a long period of time, which I’ve estimated to be about an hour and a half. Turning up the heat higher in an attempt to make the process faster will result in a few scorched pieces instead of lightly browned and crisped. You’ll know they’re ready when you can pinch one in the middle and it won’t give at all. Don’t be afraid to stir them around a bit so they all can get even amounts of heat exposure.

-While you’re waiting for them to finish, you can cut open the peeled oranges, and either juice them or slice them for eating!

Voila, now you know what to do with those orange rinds that people often throw away! 😊

amoralamusement  asked:

Hello, I always enjoy the work on this Tumblr. It's informative, interesting, and satisfying. Anyway, being an Ne dom like yourself, do you have any tips to not be overwhelmed by Ne a.k.a. How to Train Your Ne? I admit there are times when the ideas are buzzing and I yearn for stimulation then I become drained to the point of being physically tired.

Good timing, since I was just reading about Si-grips last night and realizing I basically live in one six months out of the year. :P

I’m not sure exactly what you mean, so I’ll cover all the bases I can think of.

There’s pretty much four stages in my life:

Ne-dom Extraordinaire: this is when you are the unbeatable monarch in your field, when you are on such a roll that not only do you finish your project ahead of the damn deadline, you went ahead and did sixteen other magnificent things that day too, just because your brain was on such a rush of SO MANY IDEAS. For example: you felt good about finishing your essay, so you wrote six movie reviews, four e-mails, 26 blog posts, and worked on your book to boot. And then you went to bed with a smile on your face because damn, I’m so fine.

Ne-dom Uninspired: this is when you feel “meh.” Not awesomesauce, not the lowest of the low, just plain MEH. Meh for a Ne-dom equals: semi-bored, semi-uninspired, semi-annoyed about it. Now, a sane person on this day goes and watches 24 episodes of ALIAS in a row to chill. Me, I FORCE myself to be ‘creative.’ And because I’m generally good at what I do, it comes out fine. Not knock your socks off stupendous, not awful, not even average, just fine. But it feels like dragging my brain through a cheese grater and I go to bed mad that my Ne-brain was lazy as hell today. Like, it’s supposed to be AMAZING all the time!!! What’s up with this?!

Ne-dom Bored-as-Hell: generally, this happens when your life is stagnant, or you are stuck on the same god-awful project for weeks, or your friends have not spoken to you in days, and you are so bored you can hardly stand it, but NOTHING appeals to you. You crave something, but don’t know what it is. You drag yourself through the work / school day like a fish on dry land, you scope the depths of depression, you maybe force yourself to do stuff, but it’s a clear indication that your Ne is STARVING TO DEATH. You must feed it. How? That’s up to you. Get in the car and drive. Go hang out with someone. Start learning something new. Read a book that you know you’ll hate, and blow your own mind by loving it. Try something totally, radically different.

Don’t be like me, and dye your hair purple and cut into a punk rock style. Although, God knows I looked adorable.

Ne-dom Work-a-Holic: also known as tunnel vision, also known as inferior Si grip, also known as the perfect way to make yourself exhausted at the end of the day. Picture a nice normal Ne being a freight train barreling through a tunnel at 976 miles per hour. Now picture a peasant maiden (or peasant lad, if that’s you’re thing) running out onto the tracks, and holding it in place for about 15 hours. It grinds to a halt, its wheels start to smoke, and the peasant maiden/lad is inching forward at, oh, about 6 miles per hour. Fast by her standards, slow by yours. Now imagine that’s what happens to your Ne, when you develop tunnel vision. All that power, going nowhere fast. Imagine the tremendous energy that just ground to a halt. The creeping subconscious despair of the engineer. You are both the peasant maiden/lad and the freight train. See the problem? You are ripping yourself apart. How’s that peasant maiden/lad going to feel at the end of the day?

Yup. Exhausted.

Now, what if that peasant maiden does this day after day for about a week?

Exhausted. Mental exhaustion, from holding back the train, forcing Ne to stay on one topic, or focus on “boring” things for days on end. Where’s the fun? Where’s the zany? Where’s the sarcasm and jokes and random connections? Hello, inferior Si. Obsessive compulsive, aren’t you? Fixated. BAD.

How to Train Your Ne:

1) Give yourself permission to stick to one idea for awhile.

I get it. You will have thousands of great ideas in a single lifetime, or maybe even a week. If you follow all of them right now, you will never finish anything. Do what I do: think about them, ponder them, don’t let them get too developed, and write down the ones you want to hold onto, put them in a jar, and… walk away with the biggest, shiniest, most exciting idea you just had. The others will keep. Let them stew in their juices. Focus on THIS IDEA.

2) Reward yourself for finishing things.

If you want to accomplish something, give your Ne what it wants – a challenge, and a reward. I used to motivate myself through “boring” tasks by setting time deadlines and writing like a bat out of hell, or dividing the task up into separate shorter parts that I can cross off after I do them. That shows me I am making progress. Right now, I’m sitting next to a half-crossed-off list of chapters in my book, which I am proof-reading / editing. Each time a pink line goes through someone’s name, I know I’m THIS MUCH CLOSER to finishing. THIS MUCH CLOSER to starting a NEW project. THIS MUCH CLOSER TO THAT PIECE OF CHOCOLATE I PROMISED MYSELF.

Ahem.

3) Accept that you cannot be at 110% all the time.

This may be hard for you to hear, but you’re a normal human being. You need sleep. You need rest. You need food. You need days off, and dates, and to go places, and be with people, and do things other than your job or your school or writing or whatever it is that occupies 90% of your time. Those normal things that a sensor can do without much fuss, wear you out. Tedious details wear you out. Planning wears you out. Keeping track of things wears you out. The temptation when this happens is to under-estimate what you, as a low Si, needs – which is a break. You tend to way overestimate what you can do in a single week, and sometimes you get way too much on your plate… so, if you know about things in advance that are going to “drain” your Ne, because it requires other, lower functions to be heavily used in your stack, plan to limit your interaction with those functions in excess of your responsibilities.

In other words, if you (me) have to do a bunch of tedious line-editing at work, it is not a good idea for me to come home and do… a bunch of tedious line-editing on my novel at the same time. That’s all Te/Si stuff.

Ne-stuff is… new ideas, new people, new philosophies, reading things that excite your mind and imagination and help you see things in a different way, or watching something new, or going somewhere where you can just be yourself. Your Ne cannot run on full power all the time, especially when you’re trying to hold back the freight train – so give yourself permission to take time off.

4) Pace yourself.

This piggybacks on the above, but as a Ne-dom, you way over-estimate how much you can do physically. Things like going places, driving for hours, being in crowds, walking long distances, etc., are tiring to someone with minimal sensing. Ne-doms need down time, to process their experiences. You are an introverted extrovert. Remember that, and give yourself down time. Try not to be out and about 24/7. But don’t stay home all the time either. That’s a cesspool of Ne-draining boredom waiting to happen.

5) Either do it right now or write it down.

My usual pattern is: get a good thought about 10pm. Then springboard into another idea. Then zip over that way for more ideas. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, telling myself to go to sleep, while thinking about everything I should talk about, investigate, or do in the morning. By morning, of course, either the ideas are all gone or I have lost any motivation to do them. Some of my best work is from dropping everything and doing it RIGHT NOW. Strike while the iron is hot, my dander is up, whatever. Some of my best short stories or articles came from getting up at 5am and pounding the keyboard. So, do it NOW… or write it down. If you write it down, you won’t have to try and remember it (also a chore for Ne).

The best things you can do for your Ne are the following:

  • Accept that this is who I am, and it’s okay.
  • Realize that mundane or tedious tasks drain your Ne
  • Let your mind wander
  • Give yourself permission to fantasize
  • Reward periods of the mundane with fun activities
  • Never let a week go by without planning something ‘fun’
  • Stimulate yourself with constant NEW things (books, movies, music)
  • Read a wide variety of things on a continual basis
  • Give yourself challenges and deadlines to beat
  • Make sure they are SHORT-TERM (you cannot stay too long)
  • Always have something in the immediate future to look forward to

Hope that helps.

(This week on tumblr has been DULL. Is it just me or is it dead?! Thank God for a new Doctor Who tomorrow! I need me some NEW Capaldi + Bill Potts. I totally want to be her best friend and hang out in space and eat blue cubes together.)

- ENFP Mod

time has yet to change the way I felt about you, yet to alter the way I always stop at two when counting to ten, yet to authorize the stars to form constellations in daylight. I’ve been dreaming realities into grasps missing can’t connect, but I’m always drawing blanks where eyes should be. I know tomorrow is the wings on your shoulder doubt has hinged closed, tomorrow is the pillow keeping your feet from staying warm– the story you’ve been promising to caress life around, but there isn’t a thing that doesn’t change by time– even us. would I prefer to forget about you? sleep with painted nails and wake up without the sheets keeping the ghost of you warm, answer every i love you without turning down the cries of clouds passing by? I’ll keep relearning how to stand if it means knowing your name just to hear it break me again. time has yet to matter, in this moment of forever, you live in such grace. in this polaroid, how could you be replaced? disposable cameras and your favorite way to say i love you with a wrinkle near your nose and a slant near your lips– if i could hold you like this, why would i ever run away? and they say to love is to accept, so if i run my fingers against your skin enough times, so if i apologize for the millionth time, maybe it’s my way of accepting our failures and what we could have done to stop the agony of not knowing if we were ever going to be good enough, just us two. lost inside of a time capsule, a second sprinkled into a single piece of rain that never got attached to paintings, a minute stretched into the next life is a little bit more than unforgiving, i never got to call you mine enough, so when i attach my heart to the hours and i dial your number, i leave decades upon decades of voicemail that you’ll never hear because out there where my worries float, out there where the echoes sound less and less like who i used to know, baby, when you give the universe the responsibility of letting go– a blackhole doesn’t just take, it gives. i am empty, an empty home. i am forgiving, a corpse less tomb. i am emotionally bent to the bones, and if i placed you high enough, do you think the angels could guide us back into those lonesome summers when we could recall about us and how these days, it’s okay to be afraid about uncertainty because awhile back, we made peace with our hellos and shook hands with our goodbyes, some days my highs feel like my lowest points, but when my lows feel like a euphoric nostalgia– i clutch your polaroid and write you one last poem, unedited, uncut and always a bit unfortunate.
—  The Ate & The Bunso
Spoonie Witchcraft - what does it mean?

A small disclaimer first: I am by no means an expert nor are my words to be taken as the absolute truth. Witchcraft is a great tool but doesn’t replace actual medical care such as pills, going to the doctor/therapist, and so on. Also, I suffer from chronic mental illness and have no experience from chronic physical illness and thus I cannot speak for people who suffer from chronic physical illnesses.

The Spoon Theory

For chronically ill people, we have only a certain amount of energy to spend per day, or spoons. Various activities take different amount of spoons and the spoon amount might vary from day-to-day. Quite often you do not have enough spoons to do everything you want, so you have to either borrow from tomorrow’s spoons or juggle between choosing what to do.
In a situation like this, doing witchcraft is very hard - bigger spells, rituals, or anything that requires a lot of energy can easily take a good chunk of our daily spoons. This is why spoonie witches prefer to do low-energy spells.

Different levels of spoons

Because our spoon levels can vary from day to day, I have adjusted my witchcraft to them. I will present some examples that can give you an idea of what I do on days with certain amount of spoons.

Critical spoons - this is the lowest I can go. I usually don’t even get out of bed or maybe I get up enough to grab my laptop and go back to bed. On these days I prefer only to study and read, maybe say a chant and just hold my crystals to absorb their energy. Most often I don’t do anything because of how low my energy is.

Low spoons - the most common days I have. These are the days when I can cast a few small/simple spells and activate sigils. Rituals or bigger spells are still out of my league. I can probably manage to do the most critical daily tasks but not all.

Big spoons - once in a blue moon. These days are what I suppose “normal” people have. I have enough energy to complete my daily tasks and have a bit of extra even after that. Rituals and bigger spells are achievable and do not drain me completely.

Huge spoons - I’ve had such days more often than “a lot of spoons” -days, which I find a bit funny. On huge spoon days I feel like I can do anything and everything, so on these days I do tasks that have been waiting around such as cleaning and cleansing, laundry, and other tasks I consider very big and energy consuming. I also tend to charge my crystals and sigils on such days so I can draw their energy on days I don’t have as many spoons.

Am I a spoonie?

A lot of people can relate to the spoon theory, but what does being a spoonie actually mean?
It means that you are suffering from an illness that limits your daily life considerably. Everything in your life is dictated on how much energy you have and/or how much you are suffering from your illness on that day. You might not shower for a week because you don’t have the energy for it. You might not eat for two days because you don’t have the energy to make food. Two weeks’ worth of laundry is waiting but you can’t do anything about it because just the thought of it makes you exhausted. You can’t get out of bed because everything hurts so much and you just want to sleep forever.

I personally didn’t feel comfortable in calling myself a spoonie before I had medical papers in front of me that said I had a chronic mental illness. Of course, not every spoonie can get these papers or see a doctor, so it is mostly up to you to determine whether or not you’re a spoonie.
Some chronically ill people feel it disrespectful if you use the term when you are not diagnosed with such illness, so please keep that in mind.

Spoonie tips

  • Take your time. Your craft is not going anywhere and taking breaks is more than okay. Taking care of yourself is the number one priority. Always
  • On big/huge spoon days charge up crystals/sigils that will act as your “batteries” on low/critical spoon days
  • Lighting up candles will usually make you feel better
  • If you don’t have energy to clean and cleanse, lighting incense or opening a window can do wonders
  • Spend some time with your crystals, even if you just hold them in your bed
  • If you have plants, keep them near your bed so you have someone to talk with
  • Drink a lot of water. You can also charge the water in the sun or moon and infuse the water with intent
  • Draw sigils on your pill bottles, on your favorite mug, above your bed, in your phone’s cover, your hands, your comfort items, your heat bags… Anywhere and everywhere
  • On days when you can go outside, absorb light and the energy of the earth into yourself
  • Remember to ground and meditate (I find it really helpful)

Spoonie blogs

Here are some of my favorite spoonie blogs. If you want to be added to the list, please do contact me!

@lowspoonswitchcraft
@the-spoonie-witch-blog
@spooniespellbook
@spooniewitches
@spooniewitchhelp
@neurowitchcraft
@neurodwitches
@wheelchairwitch
@theepagangrace

I had a SU-related dream last night. I don’t remember all of it but it was set thousands of years ago on Homeworld. Gems had to buy shoes and what shoes they could buy depending on what kind of Gem they were. Basically, there were different shelves of different ranks and if you were a higher rank Gem, you had access to all the lower ranked shoe shelves too. Pearls only had one shelf and it wasn’t even on display because it was considered a waste of space (who would choose to buy those shoes?) so they had to specifically ask to see that shelf.

Anyways, Pearl had to get new shoes with a stipend from her unspecified owner Gem and also pick up their lunch (I guess this shoe store was in, like, a Gem mall [Gemall] because the lunch was from a food court). She had to ask for the lowest rank shelf, which she was really embarrassed to do.

But another Gem, who was also unspecified but I’m going to assume was Rose, had an arrangement with Pearl to give her her old shoes. And what they would do is cut the soles off her old shoes and attach them to the new shoes Pearl got, because I guess that’s where the quality difference was (low ranking shoes had little support, I think). They would do this secretly, of course.

And then my alarm went off and I woke up

Malice in Wonderland - The 3 Scorpio Evolutions Scorpio is a deeply complex and fascinating sign. The musical ubiquity of Fixed fire and water fusing in Plutonian nuclear power exacerbates the intensity of an individual given potential to express three evolutionary levels of consciousness. The shadowy scorpion, high flowing eagle and transcendental phoenix represent multidimensional pillars in the Scorpio psyche and the reserves of energy. The ruler of Scorpio is Pluto, the Roman god of the underworld; associating this sign with dying, multiple ego death, reincarnation, occult studies, transformation and frequent personality overhauls. Looking back on their lives, Scorpio individuals see the resonant photographs of their former selves and shells of older characters. Not all Scorpio people manage to grow phoenix wings, or express the venomous scorpion features, and yet all Scorpio’s possess the indwelling potential to ascend into spiritual flight. Voices of ancestors, cryptic etheric imprints, residual past life trauma and fixed, frozen water line the Scorpio consciousness and develop organic, and seemingly inorganic processes that erupt from the subconscious. Before we are allowed to progress from Scorpio to Sagittarius, we are forced to wrestle the serpent in the Orphicus constellation through the Ascelpius cradle, the healing child of Chiron, suggesting an evolutionary healing process and the acquisition of cryptic universal secrets are the tools for cosmic combat and the passageway through to the Sagittarian light.

The characteristics of the lower evolved scorpion individual are more widely recognised and seemingly more pronounced throughout society. This could relate to the mainstream media’s fascination with dismal, questionable personalities and frequent reports on crime and injustice that illuminate the darker shade of human consciousness. Anger, aggression, destructive defense mechanisms, malice and jealousy are scorpion characteristics which may spill into illegal and contemptuous activity. There tends to be an overwhelming, uncontrollable desire for power and a strong resistance to suppressive figures or moral authority. The scorpion traditionally represents the animal crawling low along the earth but having its sting on automatic reflex. Many examples of scorpion energies are found in politics and corporate looting where the Mars influence strangles water. Tony Abbott, the Prime Minister of Australia is a classic exemplification of the lowest evolved Scorpio. His years as opposition leader tugged politics into a murkier low when attacks on the government targeted character and deceived the public into falsely voting for the opposition. During the a hung parliament when trying to win the votes of the independents, Abbott informed member Tony Windsor, “ I would do anything for this job. The only thing I wouldn’t do is sell my arse, but I’d have to give serious thought to it.” His policies are frequently dismantled to suit corporate interests and act under the investment of bodies who promised the lure of power. Tony Abbott is an example of a Scorpio who sold his soul for a taste of power. There maybe altruistic pangs to improve humanity, though many will attain their authoritative position and have no plans to implement a better collective change. Kundalini energy may be directed to its lowest form of sexual promiscuity or aggression. There may be a desire for immortality, and a reactive and nebulous fear of death.

The Scorpio eagle has managed to ascend beyond some of the Mars fire, although the shadowy side still makes its presence known. The eagle has developed insight to the darker aspect of his personality and makes a conscious effort to dissociate the two from each other. There are resounding business, political and justice seeking energies here although practices may cross into unethical territory. The eagle wrangles with the scorpion paranoia and intrinsic distrust of society at large. Most people are viewed as being potential harmful and fierce psychological defense mechanisms are erupted in self protection. Life’s mysteries, universal laws, life, death and the occult are alluring fascinations and both white and black magic may be experimented with. The eagle begins to take flight and harness the deep profound Pluto energies, the feminine wisdom of water and develop a soaring eyed view of the world. The intrinsic urges to merge with others on a deeper level than the physical begins transpiring, and the awareness of a psychic relation between others develops. While the scorpion may be concerned about primal sex needs void of intimacy, the eagle desires a deeper, emotional communion. They will typically strike without warning, indulge in some sleuth activity and negotiate dark impulses when it comes to justice seeking and neutralizing society’s imbalance.

In their travels through forbidden realms, the divine Scorpio phoenix has experienced multiple ego death across his lifetime. The stinging scorpion and shaky eagle has metamorphised into an illuminated, transcendent healing force that can transform anyone in their presence. The universal symbol of medicine; the double snake encircled under wings is a reflection of the Scorpio phoenix and the transcendent healing potentials. Plutonian energy relates to X-Rays, pharmaceuticals, etheric healing, natural sorcery and herbal medicine. The occult wisdom of centuries is conveyed through their incredible empathy and rich, mystical inner life. The phoenix is aware of his vengeful, shadow side and has swallowed the demons to give him power, a greater power, the one he has realised stems only from, and to, love. This is the embodiment of destruction becoming the highest form of creation, where they rise from the ashes of their own obliteration and claim a new life blood. Scorpio phoenix individuals can reach meditative trance states, gifts of prophecy, astral travel and psychic awareness; and many become acclaimed spiritual healers, clairvoyants and travelers who scatter their healing light and love across humanity. I know a Scorpio phoenix who runs a renowned corporate business and remains a charming, kind and engaged employer. As soon as he finishes work, he rips of his business suit, practices meditative bonding with this partner and goes off to teach a class on sun salutation and tai chi. He channels his volatile intensity into scattering his divine wisdom about life and death and promoting interpersonal warmth amongst humanity. You really get the feeling there is so much light just bursting within the surface, and he lives quite a conservative daily life with a rich, personal night spirit. The phoenix is largely concerned with universal mysteries, investigating magic and their contribution of humanity. They are aware of god indwelling, the divine force firing within them and negotiate their potential with this power. Phoenix Scorpio are survivors. Emotionally, they may perish in the ashes of their own destructive nature, but they can also fly and erupt into the most beautiful, soul glowing shooting star.

I will love you when you’re just waking up with your tired eyes and sleepy voice. I will love you when you’re looking at the setting sun with nothing but pure amazement in your eyes. I will love you when your memories get the best of you and your mind floods from overthinking. I will love you when you think of yourself in the lowest way possible, and I will do everything in my power to change your outlook. I will love you when you breakdown and just need someone to hold you through the pain. I will love you when you find nothing worth loving about yourself. I will love you when your tears seem to be unstoppable. I will love you when you wear your smile so big I think it could fill the entire town. I will love you when you are completely together and when you are completely apart. I will love you through your highest highs and your lowest lows.

I will love you through it all.

3

“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. That is my ambition, based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion. Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum.” ― Vincent van Gogh

anonymous asked:

What's the biggest lesson you've learnt from escorting

I don’t think I learned that much per se but I’m speaking from a high end perspective:

  • I learned that all men are very primitive at their core. They like intimacy,  they like pretty women,they like short skirts,nipples,heels,legs,feet, they like conversation & humor. That’s why all these long ass mental gynmastic posts get me.
  • They primitive but can be extremely attentive especially when they pay top dollar.  Little things like languages,ambition & appearing refined appeals to many men. I remember one guy got so excited cause he thought my voice was so regal LOL
  • I lied once about being trained in massage & took it down cause ALL of my clients wanted massages even moreso than sex. STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF. THEY WATCHING!!!!!!
  • Some men are fucking despicable, lowest of the low and they do target escorts.
  • Titles are just titles. CEO, CCO, dbsjasufsfs, they’re just people
  • Some of these men are wise & grow to genuinely care for you. A kind successful person is worth learning from!
  • Money management!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
  • The money & the lifestyle can be addictive
  • Intercourse doesn’t last long, BLOWJOBS ARE FOREVER
  • I’m not shy or politically correct when it comes to being intimate with strangers. I don’t care. It’s just a job to me. People do the same thing every Saturday night.
  • I feel like making a living from escorting is different from doing it to pay a few bills & deactivating your ad.
  • Escorting got “cool” recently, it wasn’t when I started, but really not everyone can or should do it. 
  • It’s so important to take breaks & maintain your mental health
  • You have to be tough mentally and aggressive in life regardless of your field
  • Feminine upkeep is demanding. When I first started, I was buying lingerie, suspenders, shoes, oils & makeup on a weekly basis!

So we were messing with the custom servers earlier, there was a team of six of us looking to see if there were any games being made that we could join. As a frame of reference, I’m level 77 and all my friends are like 300. We joined up to wait for one that appeared to be in the process of being designed by someone at a fairly low level, but people who were joining and getting put in the game-maker’s team kept leaving because they didn’t want to wait.

Then RIGHT before the game started, the game maker plucked me off my team with my friends and put me on theirs so it was just them and me, the lowest leveled person on my side versus a team of five Juggernauts. We got shredded

I have no idea why they chose to do this but in the off chance they were someone who recognized my name and wanted a chance to play with me, I apologize for being bad at video games and disappointing you by letting my beefy friends put us through a wood chipper.

Drunk Headcanons (Trios + Namine & Vanitas)

Sora: The Insatiably Hungry Drunk

All Sora wants to know is where the food is at. It isn’t a party until there are serious nom-noms involved. Pizza, burritos, ice cream, sushi– he needs all of it, now. And yours, too. Please? :)

Kairi: The Holds-Her-Liquor-Surprisingly-Well Drunk

Kairi, despite her small-ish stature, remains relatively composed under the influence. She can do shot after shot without even the slightest hint of a grimace, and will most likely drink you under the table while she’s at it.

Riku: The “I’m Not Drunk (But No, Actually, I’m Wasted)” Drunk

Riku is still totally sober– or so he wants you to believe. “I’m fine,” he insists, trying to act all normal-like. But then he goes to stand up, or perform some other ordinarily simple task, and it becomes apparent that he is far, far from it.

Roxas: The Wandering, Stumbling Mess Drunk

Roxas just wants to explore. Everything. He’s there one minute, gone the next! Although he may be stealthy at first and difficult to track down, he can usually be found once he’s lost control of his basic motor skills, either passed out or rolling around on the floor somewhere.

Xion: The Feist-Meister Drunk

Xion gets super spunky when she drinks. And super scrappy. That weird side-eye you just gave to one of her friends…? Come at her, bro. She dares you.

Axel/Lea: The Straight Chillin Drunk

Axel is straight chillin. And drinking. And chillin… And drinking. You better turn that frown upside down, ‘cause it’s all good, man. It’s allllllllll good. As for the implications of that statement? Well, he’ll leave those up to your imaginations. ;)

Ven: The Dancing Machine Drunk

Ven is a better dancer than most, and he knows it. When drunk, his moves become even more gravity-defying and mesmerizing to watch, and he likes to incorporate said moves into whatever it is he’s doing… Until he has too much to drink, in which case he turns into a Stumbling Mess (see Roxas, above).

Aqua: The (Uncharacteristically) Uninhibited Drunk

Aqua, who’s normally very rule-oriented and self-controlled, unleashes the beast, so to speak. She has a wild side, too, dammit! An incredibly-embarrassing-after-the-fact kind of wild side that, without fail, leaves her feeling absolutely, positively mortified the next day.

Terra: The Touch-y, Feel-y, Affectionate Drunk

Terra is bear-hugging, face-squeezing, hair-ruffling, tackle-lifting, and all up in your personal space bubble. All he wants is for you to SMILE!, feel the love, and know what a precious cinnamon roll you truly are. So go ahead. Bring it on in. You know you want to!

Namine: The Can’t-Stop-Giggling Drunk

Namine can’t. Stop. Laughing! It’s pretty much impossible for her to form a complete sentence– or listen to anyone else form a complete sentence, for that matter– without busting out into a fit of hysterics. She doesn’t know why it’s all so funny. It just– *gigglesnort*– is!

Vanitas: The Emotional(ly Volatile) Drunk

Vanitas is on a roller coaster. Of emotion. So many feels, so little time. You can’t fully understand what the term “intense” means until you’ve watched him go from the highest high to the lowest low, all in a span of four minutes (or less). And if you bring up the fact that you saw him genuinely smile last night, he’ll kill you. In the most brutal, painful, horrific way possible.

none of the wonderful gifs here were made by me, unfortunately, and i’m not sure who to credit for them. the drunk categories and descriptions are my own. 

anonymous asked:

Seeing the last gifset you shared; how Sana carried Vilde all the way, helped her, gave her a shoulder to relax... I am just so sad that Vilde treats Sana like this in return.

That’s not EVEN the only thing Sana did for Vilde.

She threw water in Ingrid’s face and flipped her and her squad the finger for calling Vilde a slut.
She corrected white feminist Noora, when she spoke over Vilde and said Vilde was not keeping the baby, by reminding her that “it’s HER choice”.
She told Noora she should tell Vilde about Dickhelm. That people underestimate Vilde. That she would fucking take her into battle.
She kept receipts and told Sara and Ingrid off when they said “we don’t even know why we’re not friends” when they came crawling for the bus.
And probably many more I’m not remembering off the top of my head right now.

Vilde’s betrayal feels so low. We all knew she was racist and islamophobic but we thought “oh she’s young, she just needs to learn, she’s learning, she doesn’t mean harm” but she’s made no progress and now she did the lowest betrayal ever like…

I’m really curious how Sana is going to exert her revenge. Really curious how the season will end re Vilde’s character.

  • simon, iron sisters: they (shadowhunters) act like they're our allies but they don't know what we go through just to get through the day
  • TRANSLATION: I'm homeless, starving, barely surviving, depressed and I had a clan who understood what it's like to live like this but I lost them. no one at the institute gives a damn and I realized this too late
  • maia, agreeing: tell me about it
  • TRANSLATION: we'll never be equals with them
  • simon: you know, and just when I thought I was starting to get the hang of it (being a vampire) I sank to an all all-time low
  • TRANSLATION: just when I started liking my life, the clan who became family and this new version of myself, I did the lowest thing I could've done and hurt people I cared about - it's something I regret
  • maia: what happened?
  • simon: *silence*
  • TRANSLATION: let's not do this, it's still an open wound (mentally flashes back to that day and raphael's behavior since, watching him walk away again and again)
  • maia: oh Now you're quiet?
  • TRANSLATION: that bad huh?
  • maia: *deflects by sharing an embarrassing story*
“You Say, I Say”

Sugar and Spice,
and Everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

We suffer, we sacrifice,
But at what price?
That’s NOT what REAL women are made of.

You say I’m Desirable,
I say reliable.
You say I’m Pretty,
I say witty.
Desirable?
Reliable.
Pretty?
Witty.

You say I’m Attractive,
I say Proactive.
You say I’m Capable,
I say Unstoppable.
Attractive?
Proactive.
Capable?
Unstoppable.

You say I’m Curvy,
I say Sturdy.
You say I’m Girlie,
I say I’m Worthy.
Curvy?
Sturdy.
Girlie?
Worthy.

You love my physique,
I love how I’m unique.
You love the view from behind,
I love my phenomenal mind.
Physique?
Unique.
My Behind?
My Mind.

Some love to criticize,
But I love my size.
Some love control,
But I love my soul.

Real women don’t demonize, ostracize or penalize.
Real women are wise, and they’re easy to characterize.
Real women compromise, optimize, and empathize.
Real women experience both the lowest lows and highest highs.
Real women aren’t perfect, did I catch you by surprise?
Real women are authentic, and it’s their greatest disguise.                                                        

Appearances shouldn’t be scrutinized.
Society needs to stop and realize.
All the youth that we will jeopardize,
All the young minds we will traumatize.                                                          
Eating disorders are nothing to glamorize.
Nothing attractive about being hospitalized.

Makes you think twice.
All this beauty, is it worth the price?

All this stress takes a toll.
Inner beauty is the goal.
Humanize, Synchronize, Harmonize.
Ladies, everybody … let’s rise.

By: Emily Kass


** Pass it along, and tag friends if you think this message should be heard. You never know who needs to read something like this. Let’s all spread the word! **

Hetalia Characters as Quotes from my Theater Group Part 2

Italy: “I’m not crying because I’m hurt I am just emBARRASSED”

Germany: “yOURE SUCH A B- wait I can’t say that here.”

Japan: *Naruto runs across stage*

Romano: “If you pronounce the ‘j’ in Spanish words leave me alone.”

Spain: “Your homework is to watch the Mickey Mouse Club.”

Prussia: “Okay but hear me out: babadok, the musical.”

America: “Did he just eat a cigarette? yOOO.”

Canada: “Girl, why were you in the boys locker room- ooOOOH OKAY THEN.”

England: “WoW. I could almost tell you couldn’t act.”

France: “He literally just sPUN OFF THE STAGE OH MY GOD.”

China: *sniffs violently* “I smell American Chinese food.”

Russia: “You’re looking pretty shady with that harmonica.”

Belarus: “I’m the lowest of the low right now.”

Ukraine: “Have you ever had toothpaste problems?”

Hungary: “You are the wORST UUGH”

Austria: “I’m just feeling really petty today.”

After finding out what all Even has endured last season and now recently finding out what happened to him concerning Mikael and his friends, and how Even tried to end it all because he was in such a dark place. My heart feels for him and I just want to give him a giant hug.

But then I remember that Even has endured all that and come out the other side shining. Not only that Even hasn’t let any of this harden him at all. He’s still the same kind, beautiful, loving, good soul he probably was before. And I want to give him a giant hug for a different reason.

Perhaps because Even knows what it feels like to be at the lowest of the low, and instead of it letting him be dragged down by it. He’s chooses to be kind, rise above it all and spread goodness when he could.

“All that pain and misery… and loneliness… and it just made it kind.”

Third year reflections

I’m officially in my last year of medical school - I can’t believe how quickly time has flown.

Third year was an emotional time for me. It had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows so far. A list of the best and worst moments from each rotation:

  • Psychiatry
    •  Best: A patient wrote a poem about his struggles between darkness & light, and gave me a copy (which is still on my wall).
    • Worst: Realizing that my own mental health problems weren’t going anywhere.
  • Neurology
    • Best: Doing a full H&P & presenting to an attending on my own for the first time.
    • Worst: Watching an attending I admired ignore the visibly overwhelmed and upset parent of a patient, without being able to do anything myself.
  • Pediatrics
    • Best: Learning the newborn exam, and actually auscultating a murmur on a baby.
    • Worst: Learning that the lab lost a precious sample of CSF from a tiny premature baby who was seizing - and lied about it - despite my calling every day for a week.
  • Ob/gyn
    • Best: Being trusted enough by my senior to be sent to the peds ED to do an H&P on my own; once there, being recognized by both the ED attending & peds resident, both of whom told me to do my interview and let them know what I found, since they trusted me to get the info they needed too.
    • Worst: Being yelled at for not knowing how a clinic worked on my first day there. Also having to call residents Dr. __ for literally the only time all year. Also having to stay 2 hours for morning conference after doing overnights. 
  • Surgery
    • Best: That moment, for the first time all year, when I finally started to feel competent - I knew my patients, I was in charge of their care, they knew me & trusted me, and my team trusted me too.
    • Worst: I don’t even know where to begin. Having things thrown at me in the OR. Being awake & in the hospital for 34 of 36 straight hours. Getting yelled at by 6 nurses at once for doing what the attending asked me to do in the middle of a code. Seeing my first patient die. Seeing my second patient die. After both deaths, having no acknowledgement of what happened, and just being told to get back to updating the lab lists. The overwhelmingly prevalent sentiment that your worth as a human being is dependent solely on your position in the hierarchy.
  • Medicine
    • Best: My attending calling me the best intern he’d ever had. My patient having her husband bake bread & bring me a loaf.
    • Worst: Having one of my patients transferred to the ICU and not going to see him before he died - something I regret, and won’t ever let happen again. 

I’ve learned a lot. I know how to manage COPD and CHF and asthma. I know how to draw blood and do ABGs and place NG tubes. I know the names of maybe a third of the residents and a third of the nurses, and I’m working on learning more. I know how to talk to patients from all walks of life and take care of them at their most vulnerable. I have plenty more to learn, but for now - that’s enough.