this is my first time really using them

anonymous asked:

I've so many ideas in my head and I want to write something but I don't know how to start a story. I usually like to think about high school or college scenarios because I can connect to them the most. I don't wanna start my story with the cliché blaring of the alarm clock. Can you please help me out? I'm always stuck in the starting and then all my motivation goes away. I really like all the prompts on your blog. ;)

Thank you! So first off, I suggest you always write down any and all ideas! You never know when you may need them. Trust me, Jotting down any and every idea I get has saved my butt so many times. I may not have used it right away, but way down the line that idea was a huge help for something else. Of course there are always ideas you will never use, but hey, better safe then sorry, right? 

Also, I don’t blame you. Starting off the story is always one of the hardest parts for me. Somethings I do to try and get me going: 

1. I write a scene that is really heavy in either action or dialogue from later in the story. I make that my starting point, and then I go back and I think “Okay. So how do I get there.” and I write whatever gets we to that point. Just knowing where I need and want to go sometimes gives me a jump-start, and makes me more interested in how it began, and that interest often shows in my writing. 

2. Its not an uncommon tactic to start a story right in the middle of a big action point and then have the main character do the “I bet your wondering how we got here, huh? Well…” and then go back in time to tell the whole story from the beginning. This isnt a bad option, as starting with something exciting quickly grabs on to the readers interest and their curiosity, making them feel the need to know the full story, all the way back to the main point of action that was introduced in the beginning. 

3. Sarcasm, mockery, or irony. These are common things I love to use. If you are really worried about doing the cliche ‘woken up by the alarm clock blaring’ think of something either ironically similar or eerily different. For example : “I was startled awake by my alarm clock blaring, but just as soon as it started, it was crushed by a large rock that came crashing through my window.”  or “Usually I wake up to the screaming of my alarm, today however, I was woken by the screaming of my little sister.” Take whatever cliche you are worried about, and twist it to work for you. 

4. Lacking motivation to get started isn’t unusual. I am pretty sure almost anyone who writes has experienced this at some point. My secret to conquering this is usually to jump around in the plot a bit. If you get bored of the beginning, go write some of the ended for a bit, getting a bit blocked with that? Go write a bit of the climax? exhausted on the whole story? Go write your characters in a couple AUs. Feeling trapped by your characters? Switch up the perspectives! Write from the antagonist for a bit, Write in a different person, rewrite a scene from a minor characters point of view. Switch things up. Its your story, write it however you want. Worry about plot holes, inconsistencies or anything like that happening during the editing process. You don’t have to write the whole dang story in consecutive order. I don’t think I have ever written anything in order. 

5. Make a map of your plot. Put down all your desired major and minor plot points, and the main ideas on how the characters get to those points. Having a visual in front of you to remind you where you want to take the story can be a lot of help. 

6. Write. Just write. Don’t worry about cliches, dont worry about it matching up with the overall plot,dont worry about how interesting it is. Just write. I assure you whatever you come up with is a lot better then a blank page. At least you can say you started. You can fix it up later. 


I hope these help you, and I wish you luck with your story! If you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me! 

The first time I met my boyfriend’s grandparents, I was terrified. First, I really wanted them to like me, and second, he told me they were pretty religious. They’re Roman Catholic, but I’m Jewish, and I didn’t get the impression from the rest of his family that that would upset them, but I wasn’t sure they’d be chill with us dating, and I’m always afraid of those unconscious, anti-semitic micro-aggressions. 

Sure enough, within an hour of meeting me they asked if I was religious, in a way that was obviously asking if I had a religion, and which one it was. I calmly told them I was Jewish, and my boyfriend’s grandmother lit up. Her mother was a Syrian who moved to Brooklyn in the early 1900′s and she grew up in a Syrian and Jewish community in Brooklyn and boy wasn’t it nice to have someone around who could help her with her Jewish pastry. It was really pleasant. His grandfather was mostly quiet. 

After lunch, he and I shared a cup of coffee and some cookies and I told him about my brothers. He asked if my mom was ok with me dating a gentile. And then he looked around, saw we were alone for a sec, and asked me to follow him out to the garage. In the garage he asked me to take an old picnic basket down from off a cabinet. And then he told me to open it. The moment the lid came off I knew. I knew that shade of red. He told me to take it out and lay it across the floor. It was a Nazi flag. Not just a Nazi flag, but one that was big enough to fly outside a government office, like a massive one. I laid it out, ice in my veins, trying to figure out what was about to happen next. And then he told me to take my shoes off and stand on it. 

He told me his vision wasn’t good enough to get into the army, so he snuck on a ship and figured that they’d have to deal with him when he was in Europe, and that’s what happened. He told me he went because they all knew it was bad, and he wanted to help. He told me he took the flag off of some dead Nazis. He told me to go home and tell my mother that I was safe with these goyim she’d never met, that I was loved and welcome and that they’d fight for me. He told me “Never Again”.

He passed away a few years ago, and only after his death, cleaning out his closets did we find his old patches and look up his division. This quiet man who said very little but always shared a cup of coffee with me after lunch was in an anti-tank division, and he and his division liberated camps in Poland. He saw the horrors, first hand. 

Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day. Today is a day to reaffirm our promise of “Never Again”. Today is a day to remember that the only way for things to get better is to fight. Today is a good day to punch a Nazi. Do it for me. Do it for Grandpa Rocco. Do it for the world. 

“My parents disappeared during the last dictatorship. They were political activists. My father was taken first in 1977. My mother was taken a year later during the World Cup. We were standing in a public square, and two cars stopped, and they grabbed me and my mother. They let me go. But my mother was never heard from again. I learned all of this later because I was only three at the time. My grandparents raised me. When I was a child they would tell me that my parents were working. I used to imagine them building a skyscraper, wearing helmets, and getting closer and closer to the top. It wasn’t until the age of ten that I learned what really happened. But even then, my parents were only ideas to me. They were two-dimensional. But when I turned seventeen, I visited the town where they first met. I found their old friends and they told me stories. I learned that my father loved the Beatles. He also loved to dance. A man gave me a costume that my father would wear when he danced. And suddenly my parents weren’t ideas anymore. They were people. They were Daniel and Viviana. And for the first time, I cried for them.”

(Buenos Aires, Argentina)

The Reason I Don’t Do Cold Readings Anymore…

by reddit user Skarjo

I don’t do ‘Cold Readings’ anymore. I don’t tell fortunes. I don’t read tea leaves.

And I do not do contact ‘the other side’.

Look, don’t judge me alright? It was an easy gig. I mean, the first time I did it, it was a joke. I did it just to impress a girl. You’ve been there right? It was something I’d read about online and I thought I’d give it a go.

Keep reading

Otayuri Week Day 6: Pair Skate

OH MY GOOODDD!!!! D””X yOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS ONE SINCE I ALWAYS WANTED TO DRAW THEM PAIR SKATE WITH YURIO WEARING THAT OUTFIT FROM A MAGAZINE  ADKGFGFAKJAF IT’S LOOK PERFECTLY FIT WITH BEKA’S FREE SKATE COSTUME D””X
I SAW A COUPLE SO BEAUTIFUL I’M CRYIINNNGG D””X
I use reference and actually traced the pose since it’s my first time drawing pair skate so I have no idea how to draw the poses. also avoiding weird gesture they didn’t actually do in real life pair skate lmao
(everytime I saw some pair skate arts I always ask to myself “are the real skaters really did this kind of pose”)
I put pretty good detail on Yurio’s costume because I loved it very much (he wears leopard prints again in here hahah)

anonymous asked:

So Anxiety as a personified character only first showed up recently, but who was the first of your 4 personality characters to show up? I'm guessing either Logic or Morality.

You mean as a character?? In terms of the history of all of my content, including my vines, I believe my Dad character was the first to pop up in “Dad Jokes Just Got Legit”. It was either Dad or the Prince character! I can’t recall the first time I used the Prince outfit… I believe it was for a vine called “A Fairtytale Ending!”. If you just mean in terms of my youtube videos, Logic, Morality, and Creativity all popped up at the same time in the video “My True Identity”. 

I also want to stress that it’s important to not address them as different “personalities”. The characters are all meant to portray facets of my one personality. It’s important, in the future, for me and for anyone who likes the characters, to really understand the difference here, because to refer to them as different personalities can be misconstrued as appropriative of people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with DID, and if my characters and my interactions with them are slightly resembling it, I want to make sure that it is portrayed in a positive, manageable fashion, but I do want that distinction to be noted so as not to appropriate the disorder or offend! In the future, I hope to do a video about DID, and that will require a lot of research and, like I usually prefer doing, I would like to have someone with the disorder to talk with me about it for the video, so I and viewers can learn together!

“I grew up in Spain right after the civil war. When I was eleven I was sent to a Catholic boarding school. They fed me and sheltered me. But they only taught me religion. They were training me to be a priest. I was taught to fear God. I was taught to fear the outside world. I was taught to fear everything. I left the grounds one day when I was twenty-eight. I went to a barbershop and got my hair cut by a French woman. I had never really spoken to a woman before. She told me I was cute. That same day I bought a newspaper. It was the first time I’d ever bought something with my own money. When I returned to the school, I was changed. I had discovered freedom. I began to realize their lies and so I wasn’t useful to them anymore. A few months later I met a woman in church and fell in love. We got married and had three children. I left all of it behind, except for the fear. Sometimes I still feel very afraid for no reason. That will always be a part of me.”

(Montevideo, Uruguay)

I hope I don’t regret choosing these hair and uniform colors in a few weeks.

[See in Full Resolution to appreciate the watercolor effect.]

1. About this Journal Page: I usually add this on the first page, it’s sort of like the alpha because it explains the things that i plan to do w/ my journal. I add “Dear reader,… Love, Me” and script my name + heaps of doodles.

2. Birthday Special and Etc. Bonanza: This page is a list of people’s birthday and other special occasions where either list it down or make huge tables similar to a legit calendar. Doodles make this 10x better.

3. Favorites of the Month: I love doing this because it feels like I can actually reminisce the things that i love about the month. I do this in sketches and paint it with watercolors because watercolor makes everything 100x better.

4. Things I love about the season: Frankly speaking, we only have 2 “seasons” in my country so that’s practically just rainy and dry. And since I am desperately in love with summer, I dedicated a list of things I love about it.

5. The Huge Movie list: This movie list is meant to be a sort-of “reacts” and “ratings” kind of thing because i always love rating the movies that I’ve binge watched.

6. The Moody Playlist: I shuffle my tunes and seek for beautiful tracks and turn them into themed playlist. I think this is perfect if you have a spotify account because you can later on make a legit playlist.

7. Tick it off: This is quite typical tbh: the to-do-list page. The page which makes your journal a bona fide journal. I often times write down my to-do-list with boxes so that i can just tick off when i’m done.

8. Bucket list Version 2.0: Also a classic, you can add a little twist to your bucket list by turning them into sketches instead of the old, lame bullet-ed list sort of thing. Bonus: you can add how old, how you want to look, etc.

9. Thoughts in a Bullet: I do this to write down with ease the bothersome thoughts. I just write it down either in phrases or sentences. Thoughts in a bullet is perfect for calming down and easing the anxiety.

10. The Sunday’s best: Sunday’s best is actually the page i dedicate for when I’m chilling. I practically just let my thoughts wander and write it down in a page. I either make a playlist for sunday, how i want my sunday to be, quick sketches of my bedroom, and tv series i binge-watched that day. Sunday’s best is practically just a chill page and you’re free to do whatever you want to do with it.

11. This Week’s Bake, Blend, Stir and Fry: I honestly just call it that way because it sounds cooler but the gist is that page is meant to be your Recipe of the week sort of thing. If you’re a person with a heart for cooking, then this page is for you.

12. The Featured Pet: I love making this  page because I can actually add my pets in my journal!! I’ll sketch them and describe them and just list down the reasons why I love them. Some of the stuff i write are: name, age of description, color, animal, breed, favorite food, behavior, personality, when it barks, etc!!!

13. Quick Urban Sketches: This journal page idea is something to do when you’re feeling the sun and you want to go outside and bathe yourself with it. You practically just sketch heaps of beautiful buildings, strangers, shrines, etc and paint it using a watercolor (i do it this way, you can do it in your own way too). And then describe it in a short phrase, sentence, or maybe even a paragraph. This is perfect if you’re an outdoor person who loves the sun ~

14. This Week’s Highlights: This is quite similar to favorites of the month however it’s for the week plus it’s not only your favorites. I actually like doing the highlight page because i want to remember all the things that happened to me for the whole time i was having this journal.

15. Dear Elle,: Elle does not exist. I don’t even know anybody with the name Elle. I just dedicate a page for her because I feel like I’m talking to a friend. No, she’s not an imaginary friend. I think the things I write in my dear elle page is mostly directed to me. In dear elle, i write down with all my heart the things that I'am afraid of, my flaws, insecurities, anxiety and I usually just sum it up with a nice positive reminder.

16. The Botanical Garden Dream: Actually this is just a page dedicated for my favorite flowers that I’d love to have and plant in my garden one day. I usually just make this in a garden-looking way so there’s not much words but sketches and doodles. And then i color it using my colored pencils because it’s easier to work with pencils for botanical tbh.

17. 100 Resons to be Happy About: I made this on my first journal (that’s when I was 11) and every time i read it, i still can’t help but smile. This page is a major help for struggling people out there. Honestly, it’s just a page filled with heaps of things i love and i write them down in different sizes, orientation and fonts so that it looks sort of like a mess but not really.

18. *insert TV Series*’s Lessons: I did this on Modern Family and I swear to god this is like the most favorite thing I do about the lesson sort-of thing because I just !! I often times divide it in characters like: Here’s for Haley, Alex, Luke, Phil, etc. And I’ll apply them to myself and it helps out trust me!!

19. 17 Things I’ve Learned Before Turning 17: This is perfect because I can actually look back and see how much I’ve grown. You can do it too but you can use your age instead like if you’re 12 it can be 12 things I’ve learned before turning 12. Something like that.

20. The Dreamy Backpack Adventures: The Dreamy Backpack Adventures is actually just the list of places that I want to visit before I die!! I often times get my inspo from tumblr and do a mini research and write it down on that page too.
21. 10 Things That Make Me Happy: This is quite similar to 100 reasons to be happy about but this time it’s more of a me. I just write this down when I’m totally feeling myself and stuff like that. I got the inspo from the anonymous chain message going on in tumblr so yep.

22. The Ultimate Road Trip Guide: I make this page because I’m one heck of a huge fan of road trips! I often times just make a playlist, write a to-bring-list, make my outfit ideas, and food list kind of thing that i shall do for the whole trip. I also sketch my pillows hehe!

23. Other Versions of Sunshine: I actually made something like this and posted it here, can you remember? It’s just a bunch of lovely little things that remind you of sunshine. I write this down when it’s a sunny saturday and it’s the golden hour (4-5pm).

24. Little Things to be Happy About: I also made this and posted it in here. It’s quite similar to Other Versions of Sunshine but this time, it’s more like a little bit of less descriptive. I suggest making this before doing the Other Versions of Sunshine. This will honestly pump you up a bit.

25. Reminders to Myself: These are cute little positive things that i write down so that i can sort of just read it when I’m having a sad day. I add cute little doodles around too. To make this 10x cuter, i add little animal or cupcake or plant doddle with this bubble reminders and stuff. You can also scan this and post them in tumblr.

26. Sketches: I don’t really think I need to explain this. These are just cute sketches of everything: your house, neighbor’s house, your friends, strangers, etc.

27. The Pressed Flowers & Leaves Page: I’m pretty sure your journal will be a thousand times better if you press some flowers on another book and tape it using washi on your journal. You can dedicate a whole page with captions (what’s the plant, where is it from, when it was picked and pressed, initial color, etc) for your pressed flowers. Perfect for future gift ideas.

28. The Ultimate Picnic Guide: The Ultimate Picnic Guide is also quite similar to The Ultimate Road Trip Guide. I sketch my little cute picnic idea and add colors (using watercolor, still) and then i label it and point it out. Like, the sort of food I will eat, the colors of the blanket, the books I will read, the outfit that i plan to wear, the basket i will bring and stuff. It’s honestly better to sketch it than just write it down. But you can always just do it your way.

29. Paint and Palette Test: I think most artists use a separate sheet of paper for this but honestly the palette test is one of my most favorite thing about painting and making art. I keep it in my journal and test the colors that might match. This is really perfect for future art references and also nice if you’re having an art block + don’t know the heck what you should do. This palette test page could help.

30. A Love Letter: A love letter is sort-of a self-project i made because i love to write letters to people. I will make letters for my friend, my crush, my mom, my dad, and other relatives when i feel the urge to do so. I usually never give them out because well, that’s the sole purpose of writing it- never giving it out. So yeah, a love letter is perfect for when you just want to pour out your feelings over someone and you don’t want them to figure it out. EVER.

31. What I Want To Be: This one is just a goals of the day sort of thing. You can also do it in a goals of the week or month. :-)

32. Things I Love About *your favorite artist*: This can either be a singer, painter, dancer, etc. I honestly just do this to express my love for my faves.

33. The Skin Care Guide: Every time I purchase new things to spice up the softness of my face, I’ll sketch the cute little bottles and facial stuff that i purchase and describe it and write my reviews.

34. The All-time Page (fave books, music, etc): This is a little classic. I basically just write down my all-time favorite books, art, painters, movies, and more.

35. The Book Trip: You can google up some nice book recommendations or from good reads and then you write it down. You could also try to write your expectations and stuff.

36. The Movie Binge: This is quite similar to the Book Trip but this time I write down cute movie recommendations for future binge-watching. Yay!

37. Dear Future/Past Me: I’m not sure if this is classic but I actually like doing this. I wrote a letter for myself 5 years ago and I opened it today and just wow, I was so surprised with how much I’ve grown. So if you practically like those things, you can add this to spice up your journal.

38. Dreamy Date: Practically just a list of things/quality that i want my future significant other to be. Or how my dream date will go. Or just practically the “date a person who..” kind of thing. 

39. To Be Or Not To Be: It’s just a cute list of all the inspirational quotes i gather from everywhere. At times, I’ll sketch the figure/portrait of the person who said it and add a little thought bubble with the quote.

40. The Grocery List: Honestly, I just make a grocery list kind of thing because i love drawing goodies and food!! It’s more of a favorite page kind of thing but this time it’s filled with canned foods. You can also do this in bullet form.

41. The Fashionette 101: In other words: outfit page. This is where I sketch my #ootd or just the outfit inspos i get from tumblr. As you all know, i have a tag #ootd_insp. I sometimes sketch nice outfit ideas from there. 

42. Cut It Out: The Cut it out is page is practically dedicated for magazine cut-outs. I have a lot of old magazines and art books that I’ve finished reading so instead of throwing them, I’ll just cut ‘em and paste on my journal.

43. Little Flaws I love About Me: This is also inspired by the chain anonymous message about loving yourself. You just practically just list down the cute little things you like about yourself.

44. List of Pets and Plants + Name Ideas: This is sort of like a keeping track page for all my pets and plants. I will also sketch and draw them when I feel like it. This is perfect with watercolor, jsyk. :-)

45. The Space Page: The Space Page is one of my most recent page where i just draw a lot of space stuff and all the planets and add cute little facts about it. I sometimes add glitters instead of painting them because planets are fab as heck.

46. Mini-Comic and The Everyday Adventures: Literally just a little comic strip about your everyday encounters. I made a similar one entitled “The Homey Adventures” and you can find it somewhere in my blog. You can divide it in four squares or depends on your own liking.

47. The Brunette and Grainy Pictures: If you have a lot of vintage, european-ish sort of stickers and cute little goodies, you can make a vintage page for that. You can fill it out with nice doodles of buses and pins and stamps, too.

48. Doodle page: This is entirely different from the sketch page because doodle page is a lot more chill and adorable. You can fill up a whole page or just half of it or maybe a quarter and add other sections if you want.

49. Poems: Yep, quite obvious, guys.

50. The “Why I love” Section: Some Why I love suggestions: tea, coffee, ice cream, your dog, color, food, etc. You can add a lot of details and images because the more detailed the better honestly.

Hey, guys, since I just made the second last exam of the semester, I decided to create a post where I will explain a bit how I get prepare for an exam, specifically for the oral tests. So…let’s start:

★ 1. Planning materials and hours of study.

    The first thing I do when I have to prepare myself for an exam is get hold of       the program of study and then calculate the time that could potentially use to     study everything and repeat. So in this case I recommend that you do not         arrive at the last second, but start as soon as possible to collect the study         material. I personally started studying at least one month before the exam         takes place, if we speak of course of oral exam. For already written it is             different, because I, personally, can pass a test written just reading many         times the topics to bring . But then again, it depends from person to person,     so … take your agenda or your calendar and start to establish which days or     hours where you can devote yourself to the study, and once established it         tries to respect your program , but rest assured, it’s not a problem if                   sometimes jump!

★ 2. Organize your notes.

    Another important thing to do before you really start to study is to place the       notes taken during the lessons.You can fix them or from time to time, or all       at once when you have finished all the lessons. The right thing to do would       be the first, but I do not always succeed, especially because often my               university classes end up about six o'clock in the evening, so I get home not     before seven. 

★ 3. Read your textbook and highlights the most important things,                   helping with the notes, then unite it all.

    Here I don’t think there needs to be an explanation, usually I’m used to             help me with the notes I previously organized, so that I both easier to                 read and understand what are the most important things to learn. Usually         I join the notes taken in class with the textbook doing a summary or by               writing in pencil on the book, it depends on the amount of                                   notes. I also use a lot of highlighters of different colors to highlight, of                 course, each of them has different meanings depending on use and color.

★ 4. Repeat aloud.

    Regarding this point i don’t think there is much to say; usually I  repeat aloud     to better fix things and above all helps me a lot to prepare for the oral.

★ 5. Review.

    Regarding the revision I’m used to repeat aloud, but above all to do mind         maps or summary, however, I recommend these methods especially for           written exams.

                       TIPS TO OVERCOME ANXIETY PRE-EXAM

Another thing I wanted to deal with is the question of anxiety, I suffer and I wanted to tell you a bit ‘my tricks to “overcome”.

★ 1. Estrange the mind.

The first thing I can tell you to do before you do anything else is to alienate the mind. In moments of leisure, stay away from the study, thinks of nothing else, watch a movie or a funny television series, go out with friends, read a book or whatever makes you relax. This will help you above all not to go under stress, and it is important for your mental health.

★ 2. Don’t drink coffe.

Before an exam is important not to drink coffee, or who does not drink too much, at least for me. The coffee, in fact, even if it has the property to raise the level of concentration, can also, if taken in excessive doses bring a widespread state of anxiety as well as insomnia. This could result in a bad performance on the exam day (what we do not).A good substitute is the green or black tea.

★ 3. Chamomile or Calming herbal teas.

This more than advice is my pre-exam ritual. In fact, usually, when I am particularly anxious or scared for an exam, I like to drink a chamomile or calming herbal tea, or a simple red fruit tea. Help to calm down and let me rest.

★ 4. Inhale and Exhale.

Another tip is to breathe. It happened to me sometimes to have some mild panic attacks before an exam, so before you take medication, you should simply exhale and inhale slowly filling and emptying the stomach, this way your mind will become calm.

★ 5. Believe in yourself.

Last but not least, believe in yourself. You are your only limit, and only you can overcome them. Only you know what you did and what you’re worth, so do not make you throw down, life is a great challenge!

Mischief and Babygirl // A Stiles Stilinski Roommate AU Smut

Prompt: Imagine two people being in a situation where they can’t stand each other and are forced to live together. They hate each other with every fiber in their body and are always mad about the smallest things. But, what they didn’t know was that they had made an online friend and had grown very fond of each other and started dating online with each other. When they decided to meet up and see one another for the first time, they find themselves in a very shocking and unexpected situation.

Relationship: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut, Mutual Masterbation, Dirty Talk, Sexting, Nudes, Oral (male on female), Fingering, and Swearing.

Word Count: 6,829

A/N: This is definitely one of my favorite one-shots I have written. I really hope y’all like it, too. It’s another round of me and @celestial-writing just putting ideas together (love you)! Also, how fucking hot is angry Stiles tho???

And guys, I put this thing so you can now read your own name instead of (Y/N)!! If you’re not on my blog, you just have to click the little box which will take you there and BOOM, now my fics have become 100% personal for you! (Unfortunetly, doesn’t work on mobile)

Your name: submit What is this?


Immediately letting out a shout as anger boiled up inside of her for the millionth time today because of the same freckled boy, (Y/N) grabbed the empty jug of milk out the refrigerator and trudged towards the dining room table. There sat her four roommates and greatest friends in the world, well everyone except Stiles Stilinski that is.

“Stiles!” She yelled, throwing the empty bottle in his lap and startling him. “I swear to God, if you ever leave anything empty in the fridge again, I will kick your sorry ass!”

“Sweetheart, you couldn’t kick this ass no matter how hard you tried.” Stiles scoffed and took the bottle off of his body to place it on the table.

“You wanna bet?” (Y/N) threatened.

“Funny.” He laughed which only made the young woman even more furious than she already was.

Stiles immediately jumped when she harshly slammed her hand down on the surface in front of him, leaning her face so close to his that they were only inches apart.

“Never doubt a woman’s capacity to destroy someone.” (Y/N) stated, her voice harsh enough to make him gulp. “We do know how to perfectly get rid of blood stains after all.”

“Damn, Stiles.” Scott chuckled from his seat on the table. “If I were you, I’d go buy a lifetime supply of milk right now just to protect myself.”

“Nah,” Camile disagreed and everyone could hear the smile in her voice. “What they need to do is sleep with each other already. The sexual tension between you two is really tiring.”

“I’ll say.” Madi groaned. “I’m the one who’s room is right next to theirs and, God, the fighting is non-stop. Just have sex already, please? Not for the love of God, but for my sanity!”

“(Y/N) wishes she could get into my pants.” Stiles smirked, a grin playing on his lips as their eyes locked.

“Oh please, Stiles.” She scoffed, standing up straight again. “As if you actually had something in your pants that interested me.”

“Ouch.” Scott cringed and a devious smirk made its way onto (Y/N)’s lips when she noticed Stiles get offended by her comment. “I’d leave her alone after that one.”

Stiles angrily skid his chair back, its legs screeching against the tiles, and stood up. As intimidating as it was to have him look down into her eyes due to how much taller he was, (Y/N) stood her ground and didn’t dare shy away.

Out of nowhere, Scott picked up the butter knife he was using for his bagel and unexpectedly begin to swat the air in between the two young adults.

“What'cha doing there, Scott?” Stiles asked, their eyes now staring at their fellow roommate.

“Trying to cut the sexual tension between you two, but damn it’s too strong.” He laughed, the two other girls in the room laughing loudly along with him.

“Screw all of you.” (Y/N) huffed, walking away from every single one of them and going up the stairs to her room in anger.

As much as she hated to admit it, Scott was unfortunately right. There’s no doubt about the sexual tension within (Y/N) and Stiles and, yes, both of them have yet to confess that they’ve thought about being with each other on more than one occasion. But, even though she does have a secret crush on him and would love it if Stiles got under her bedsheets, the way he gets under her skin frustrates (Y/N) more.

Reaching the first floor of the house the five of them rent so they don’t have to live in crappy dorm rooms, the furious girl walked inside of her bedroom and shut the door behind her. The sound echoed through the halls and the four left downstairs all jumped at the sudden sound. Scott, Camile and Madi instantly glaring at Stiles.

(Y/N) immediately laid down on her messy bed and grabbed her phone from her nightstand. Tapping on the instant message app, she began texting her online friend. I wouldn’t exactly say that they were just online friends because it’s so much more than that. They’ve been texting each other anonymously for about a year now and couldn’t get enough. Neither one of them have ever shared a picture of their faces because they want to focus on personality and not appearance. All the time that they’ve spent texting, both knew for a fact that they really liked one another. Which is why the two are beyond nervous for their first blind date tonight.


Babygirl 💋 [12:45 pm]: Today is the day I commit my first murder, Mieczyslaw

Mischief 💚 [12:45 pm]: Roommate again? 😂

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: Well, where do you want us to hide the body?

Babygirl 💋 [12:46 pm]: Should we just bury him out in the woods?

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: Nah, that’s a dead end. The cops would find it too easily

Mischief 💚 [12:46 pm]: What we need to do is go to the zoo and when no one’s looking

Mischief 💚 [12:47 pm]: We throw his body in the lion’s den

Mischief 💚 [12:47 pm]: There’s no crime if there’s no evidence

Babygirl 💋 [12:47 pm]: You know, sometimes your intelligence really scares me

Babygirl 💋 [12:47 pm]: You’re too much of a fucking genius!

Mischief 💚 [12:48 pm]: Just a genius?

Mischief 💚 [12:48 pm]: Nothing else? 😉😏

Babygirl 💋 [12:48 pm]: And really fucking sexy

Babygirl 💋 [12:48 pm]: Especially when you talk cop to me

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: Well, in that case…

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: All units proceed with caution

Mischief 💚 [12:49 pm]: We have a 180 on our hands here

Babygirl 💋 [12:50 pm]: Fuck

Babygirl 💋 [12:50 pm]: The things you do to me…

Mischief 💚 [12:50 pm]: What kind of things, baby?

Mischief 💚 [12:50 pm]: Tell me everything you’re thinking 😉


(Y/N)’s entire body sparked with immediate desire the second she finished reading his message and she could already tell her panties were slowly getting wetter by the second.


Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: Well, for starters

Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: I can’t wait till our date tonight because I’ll finally be able to feel your lips on my own

Babygirl 💋 [12:51 pm]: I’ll get to feel your hands all over my body

Babygirl 💋 [12:52 pm]: The friction of our skin sliding against each other taking over all of my thoughts


Stiles Stilinski shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he continued to read the dirty texts his online friend was sending him. The excitement for their blind date tonight getting stronger than ever and Stiles honestly couldn’t wait until he finally came face-to-face with the girl that completely takes over his thoughts. Well, second girl that is. The first being his favorite roommate (Y/N) (Y/L/N). He knew that he irritated her beyond belief, but he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked everytime her eyes glared at him with such fury that it instantly became sexy or how her lip would snarl in anger and how much he desperately wanted to bite down on it.

Their relationship was an addictive game of Cat and Mouse and both parties enjoyed every second.


Mischief 💚 [12:53 pm]: Fuck, baby

Mischief 💚 [12:53 pm]: What else?


“Do you have ants in your pants or something?” Camile questioned the smirking young man and Stiles’ head immediately snapped up at the blonde. “Stop moving so much in your seat, dude.”

“U-Uh…” Stiles stuttered, feeling like he just got caught doing something very naughty. Which wasn’t exactly far from what was going on on his phone. “S-Sorry.”


Babygirl 💋 [12:54 pm]: I can’t wait till your mouth attaches to my neck

Babygirl 💋 [12:54 pm]: Then slowly keeps going down and down…


“Why do you keep grinning at your phone like that?” Madi asked, tearing Stiles away from the intoxicating text.

“He’s talking to his internet girlfriend.” Scott smirked. “They pretty much sext daily.”

“We do not sext daily!” Stiles complained at the same time that (Y/N) sent him a picture of her body in just her underwear, showing him exactly what he would be touching tonight. “Fuck.”

“What’d she send this time?” Scott laughed, the three curious twenty year olds trying to peak over Stiles’ phone to see.

“None of your business, Scott.” Stiles scolded, getting up from his chair and trudging away towards the staircase. “Or anyone else’s for that matter!”

“Make sure to clean yourself up afterwards!” Camile yelled.

“You’re disgusting!” Stiles shouted back, a holler of laughter taking over the dining room. “Go to hell!”

“Only if you’re there, too!”

Once Stiles reached his bedroom, he entered his safe space and shut the door behind him. By the way their texts were leading up to something more, he knew for a fact things were about to get hot and heavy and he didn’t need anyone passing by his room to see him in a very vulnerable state.


Mischief 💚 [1:02 pm]: I can’t wait to touch you, baby

Mischief 💚 [1:02 pm]: I’m literally counting the seconds until I finally get to lick your stomach

Babygirl 💋 [1:03 pm]: Fuck, Mieczyslaw

Babygirl 💋 [1:03 pm]: What else are you gonna do to me?

Mischief 💚 [1:03 pm]: My tongue is gonna keep going lower until it reaches the place you want me the most

Mischief 💚 [1:04 pm]: Then, I’m going to slowly circle it around your swollen nub

Mischief 💚 [1:04 pm]: I’m gonna wrap my lips around you and suck so hard you’ll be cumming in a matter of seconds

Babygirl 💋 [1:04 pm]: Oh God, Mieczyslaw

Babygirl 💋 [1:04 pm]: Keep going

Babygirl 💋 [1:05 pm]: I’m almost there


In the short time that Stiles spent arguing with his friends downstairs and texting her the dirty things she so desperately wanted to read, (Y/N) had removed her clothes, taken a picture of herself for him and began working on her own body thanks to how hot he’d made her. She started out by moving her hand slowly around her clitoris before using her other hand to pump two fingers inside of her soaking wet core. Even though she really liked Mieczyslaw, she didn’t exactly know what he looked like so, as shameless and dirty as it was, (Y/N) thought about the first sexy guy she could think of. That handsome man being, none other than, the exact same person that was currently thinking about her as he quickly unzipped his jeans and pushed his hand inside of his boxers to get a hold of himself.


Mischief 💚 [1:06 pm]: Fuck, that’s so hot

Mischief 💚 [1:06 pm]: Send me a picture

Babygirl 💋 [1:07 pm]: Attachment


Stiles cock twitched when he noticed that she hadn’t sent him a picture, but an actual video instead. Rubbing himself with one hand, Stiles used the other to press play on the video with eagerness laced in his blood. The footage began to roll and the boy licked his lips in anticipation. Stiles groaned and increased his pace on himself when he realized it was a video of the girl fingering herself for him, her sexy moans almost pornographic. It consisted of a full view of her body, her breasts perky for him as her finger moved fastly inside of herself. In a matter of seconds, (Y/N)’s legs began shaking to indicate she would be soon falling over the edge and that’s exactly what happened. Hearing the girl moan shamelessly and watching her entire body shudder as an overwhelming orgasm​ hit her, it didn’t take much for Stiles to also reach his.

His legs shook and his eyes shut, Stiles’ head falling back on his pillow, at the same time that hot cum shot out of his tip and immediately landed on his stomach. He imagined it was (Y/N) that had jerked him off and it was enough to make his high last longer. Stiles didn’t even mind the sticky release on his skin, all he could think about was how much pleasure he was currently in.

As soon as (Y/N) finished cumming and sent Mieczyslaw the footage, the girl had got up from her bed with satisfaction in her veins. She walked over to her closet and put on a robe before walking out of her bedroom to go to the bathroom and take a much needed shower. The second she passed by Stiles’ bedroom, however, desire and lust flooded her entire body when she suddenly heard him moaning uncontrollably.

“Hey, Stiles!” She shouted, knocking on the door and startling Stiles in the process. “Stop watching porn and go read a book!”


~


“(Y/N)!” Stiles yelled angrily, his fist pounding against the bathroom door. “Get out already! I have to leave soon!”

“So do I!” She shouted back, not caring about wherever it was Stiles needed to go to. “And I have actual hair to wash here!”

“Just don’t wash it!”

“I’m going on a date, idiot! I have to be completely clean!”

“For what?” Stiles questioned, sarcasm laced in his voice. “It’s not like he’s gonna go out of his way to sniff your hair!”

“No, but he’s definitely gonna be able to smell it when his head is snuck in my neck as he pounds me into oblivion!”

It was a simple comeback, but it did manage to sting Stiles’ heart in jealousy. Slamming his fist against the door one last time, the young man let out a frustrated grunt before walking away to his room.

(Y/N) gladly took her time to finish prepping herself in the shower until she finally decided to step out of the bathroom. Needless to say, Stiles was furious at the young woman but she couldn’t find a single bone in her body that actually cared. She wanted to look, smell and even taste her best for her date tonight and no man was going to stop her. (Y/N)’s been waiting for this special night for too long to worry about what other people had to say.

Which is why the young woman just walked right by Stiles without even giving him the chance to scold her. He stared in awe as she entered her bedroom, noticing how good she looked with her face flushed from the hot shower and the droplets of water running down her skin. Stiles’ mind immediately picturing himself licking the water off of her naked body and he felt slightly guilty.

The both of them got ready at the same time and the rest of the house watched in amusement as they simultaneously shared the bathroom, arguing the entire time. (Y/N) would try to look at herself in the mirror to put on mascara and he would get in her way to fix his quiff or just as Stiles would wet his toothbrush with the running water because (Y/N) was finishing up brushing her own teeth, she turned off the tap.

“You’re unbelievable.” Stiles groaned, shaking his head and opening the tap again.

(Y/N) didn’t say anything, she just blew him a kiss that was nothing shy of sass as she left the bathroom to finish her look in her bedroom. She had already fixed her hair and put on all of her makeup, so all she had to do next was take off her robe and wear the gorgeous black dress she specifically bought for tonight. Once she sprayed herself with her favorite perfume and was ready, (Y/N) walked down the staircase and approached her other three roommates in the living room.

“Well, how do I look?” She asked and they turned their heads to take in her outfit.

(Y/N) was absolutely gorgeous and it was no surprise everyone’s jaws were dropping at her breath-taking beauty.

“Like a queen.” Scott gawked, a genuine smile lighting up on (Y/N)’s lips.

“It’s not too much?” She questioned, spinning around for them.

“Hell no.” Madi smirked. “Whomever you’re seeing tonight is one lucky guy, my friend.”

“Good.” (Y/N) answered.

Just as she was grabbing her favorite coat from the rack, Stiles had reached the last step of the staircase and laid his eyes on the incredibly stunning woman before him. He immediately stopped in his tracks as his eyes grew wide at the sight. Her hair was perfectly done and a part of him wanted to run his fingers through it but the other part of him knew that if he did it would ruin the style and that would be a crime. Her makeup was simple, however the bold red lip definitely grabbed his attention and he wanted to smudge it with his own. (Y/N)’s long legs went on for days, Stiles already picturing them wrapped around his waist. However, what caught Stiles’ eyes the most was the alluring dress tightly hung against her beautiful curves. It made his brain spin in his head and jealousy crashed all over him at the thought of her being dressed like this for someone else.

“Do you really think you should be wearing a dress like that?” Stiles asked, clearing his throat and (Y/N) spun around to gaze at the source of the sudden voice.

“What is that supposed to mean, Stilinski?” She retorted, her manicured hand settling on her hip.

“That dress is too revealing.” He scolded. “It’s definitely not first date material.”

You’re not first date material.” (Y/N) scoffed, slipping her coat on.

She didn’t want it to be true, but the young woman could’ve sworn she saw a small glimpse of hurt in his eyes. But, it was soon gone before she could really check.

“Have fun on your date.” Stiles stated harshly as he walked past her and opened the door. “I hope he’s an ass.”

Before (Y/N) could even respond, Stiles was out the door and slammed it. The rough action surprising her and making her feel not only guilty but heartbroken that she caused that. (Y/N) loved the hate relationship she had with Stiles, but she also knew she wanted more. The two constantly fought because they were so alike. Stiles loathed how quick and sarcastic she was, but at the same time loved that only she could handle bickering​ with him. (Y/N) despised that he always managed to point out the things about her no one ever noticed, but loved that Stiles actually paid enough attention to see them. It was a complicated game they played, but the two were masters at it.

“Do you ever get tired of the way you treat each other?” Scott spoke up from the couch and (Y/N) turned around to look at him, the hurt still evident on her face.

“Sometimes.” She answered softly.

“Shouldn’t you two just stop?” Scott asked. “It’s obvious that you do all of this because you’re into each other.”

“Shouldn’t you three stop butting into our love lives?” (Y/N) retorted, no longer sad but now angry at the entire situation. “It’s Friday night and you’re sitting on the couch. Go out and have fun!”

“For your information, we are going out.” Scott scoffed and the two other girls nodded.

“Good.” (Y/N) stated as she opened the door and walked out. “Get to it!”

Even though he wasn’t in the best mood, Stiles pushed down all of his feelings for the girl he lived with to focus on the girl he was about to meet. She has helped him get her mind off of (Y/N) on more than one occasion, even though they did have the same name, and he was ready for her to do that again tonight. He thought about all of the incredible times they’ve spent chatting before pulling into the restaurant they picked and parking in the first space he could find. Once he locked the jeep behind him, Stiles headed towards the main entrance and nervously waited for the girl he talks to more than his own family.

With the anger still flooding inside of her, (Y/N) left her car and arrived at the restaurant. She no longer wanted to go on this date because she knew that all she will be able to think about is the spastic boy she lives with and never leaves her brain. It doesn’t matter how distracted she gets, Stiles is always there in the back of her mind.

The second (Y/N) looked up from her heels clicking against the pavement, her heart stopped inside of her chest. With every step she took towards the main entrance, her heartbeat would increase more and more. There, in front of her, was Stiles Stilinski. The exact person she was trying to get away from.

He was so focused on what was going on inside of his mind that Stiles hadn’t noticed her until she was literally right beside him and (Y/N)’s perfume made its way into his nose. Stiles’ head snapped towards the source, his eyes growing wide when he noticed it was (Y/N) herself next to him.

“What are you doing here?” Stiles asked, entirely confused. “Did you follow me?”

“I have better things to do than follow you, Stiles.” (Y/N) scoffed. “I’m meeting my date here. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I also have a date.” Stiles smiled smugly and certainly didn’t fail to notice how it effected her.

“So, we’re both having dates at the same place?” (Y/N) stated, in awe of this awkward situation. “Wonderful.”

“Where’s your date anyway?” Stiles questioned. “Shouldn’t he have picked you up?”

“It’s a blind date.” She explained, folding her arms against her chest which made her cleavage pop out even more and Stiles awkwardly tried to gaze elsewhere. “What about your date? Weren’t you supposed to pick her up.”

“I’m also having a blind date.” Stiles retorted.

Neither one of them put together exactly what was going on between them. Both standing in the tension heavy entrance, desperately looking at whatever person that would arrive and hoping it’d be their online friend. Little did they know, their dates were standing right next to each other this entire time.

They waited for a good thirty minutes before (Y/N)’s feet started to hurt from standing so long in thin heels and she sighed.

“I think we both got stood up.” (Y/N) stated in a hurt voice.

“No, my date wouldn’t do that.” He shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pants. “I’m texting her.”

“Yeah, me too.” (Y/N) agreed, zipping open her clutch to grab her phone.

She couldn’t help but look over to his text from the corner of her eye. He was messaging someone nicknamed “Babygirl” and (Y/N) felt insanely jealous when he watched him type in “Hey, baby. Are you still coming?” She didn’t even know who this babygirl of his was, but she knew she already hated her with everything (Y/N) had inside of her. Of course she was into Mieczyslaw, but she secretly wanted to be on a date with Stiles instead. She just wanted to have one encounter with him that didn’t consist of fighting.

(Y/N)’s thoughts were, suddenly, interrupted when her phone vibrated in her hand. The girl realized she had received a message from her blind date and already scoffed thinking about whatever poor excuse she was going to read explaining why he wasn’t here.


Mischief 💚 [8:32 pm]: Hey, baby. Are you still coming?


(Y/N) didn’t even think before immediately dropping her phone on the floor in complete shock, her heart going down with it. It fell in her stomach in surprise as she finally put all of the scattered pieces together. She quickly turned around to Stiles, who was already looking at her in astonishment from how she just randomly dropped her cellphone with the screen now entirely shattered.

For the longest time she didn’t say a single word, all (Y/N) did was stare at the beautiful boy she lived with that also happened to be the person she’s been secretly texting back and forth. Stiles didn’t know what to say or do either, from how odd she was behaving, but he mentally prepared himself to drop everything and drive her to the hospital in case she needed it.

“Y-You’re real name’s Mieczyslaw?!” (Y/N) exclaimed, shouting the first thing that popped in her mind.

“What?” Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, confused now more than ever.

The young man wearing flannel watched as she bent down to grab her phone again and, without giving him the slightest explanation, stuck her phone screen out for him to read what was written on it. It took a little bit for his brain to process everything, but when it finally did he felt as if it had just exploded.

(Y/N) expected Stiles to say something, but was completely surprised when he stuffed his phone in his back pocket and grabbed her face with his hands. Before she could understand what was going on, Stiles crashed his lips against hers with such passion and fervor, (Y/N) almost fell. But it wouldn’t matter if she did our not because Stiles would’ve caught her anyway with how he wrapped his hands around her waist.

All of the anger, frustration and rage they ever felt towards each other was channeled into the kiss and started to slowly slip away as they began to be replaced with desire, need and, dare I say, love. They always felt attached to each other no matter how upset they were until only now realizing that all of it meant love. Stiles and (Y/N) loved each other so deeply and it wasn’t just sexual tension. They truly got to know each other incredibly well over the time they spent talking online, sharing so much information that they felt closer to each other than to anyone else in their lives.

“I’ve always wanted to do that.” Stiles confessed, panting as he touched his forehead with hers.

“So have I.” (Y/N) blushed and Stiles leaned in again to place another addictive kiss on her lips.

As they kissed, Stiles slid his tongue across her bottom lip and asked for an entrance to which (Y/N) happily granted. The two didn’t even fight for dominance, they just explored each other’s mouths and enjoyed every discovery. Their tongues would brush together and neither one of them had enough self control to hold back their satisfied moans.

(Y/N) broke the kiss and Stiles’ lips moved to her jaw. He created a trail of wet and hot kisses that drove the girl crazy. It didn’t matter they were in public. (Y/N) could already feel herself getting wetter and wetter by the passing second. It was when Stiles’ mouth attached to her earlobe, his teeth grazing the skin as his tongue caressed it, that she knew she desperately needed more of him.

“Stiles,” She whimpered, his tongue sliding through the shell of her ear. “Do you really want to go on this date or do you just want to get out of here?”

“We can go back to my place?” Stiles smirked.

“I’d love that.” She laughed breathlessly.

“But, I do have to warn you.” He smiled against her heated skin, now sucking a bruise into her neck. “I have the world’s most annoying roommate. She really knows how to get on your nerves.”

“Hmm,” (Y/N) grinned playfully. “Sounds like she really gets to you. Should I be jealous?”

“Absolutely, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, then, damn.” (Y/N) smirked, a light blush painting her cheeks. “I hope she doesn’t mind us crashing her apartment. I tend to be loud.”

“Fuck.” Stiles groaned, pulling his mouth away from the several different bruises he created to stare at her. “I’ll meet you there.”

The next thing she knows, Stiles is placing one last kiss on her lips and eagerly rushing away towards his blue jeep. A smile etched across (Y/N)’s face at how adorable he looked, happily climbing into his car and immediately turning it on.

The ride over to their house was full of adrenaline and excitement. Everytime they would have to stop at a red light, Stiles would look over to (Y/N) in her car and smugly lick his lips. Which would flush her entire body with more lust than it already was sporting, her core aching in need. Once they arrived and were both finally out of their vehicles, Stiles pinned (Y/N) against the front door and reattached his tempting mouth on hers. She gasped at the sudden act, but Stiles just swallowed it into their kiss. Their lips molded together as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling (Y/N) in even closer.

“What was that for?” (Y/N) asked, her lungs fighting for air after breaking the kiss.

“Because I needed to feel your kiss again.” He confessed.

A blush crept up on her cheeks and a grin made its way onto his lips. (Y/N) reached up to reconnect their mouths, tongues finding each other as she tried to zip open her clutch and grab the house keys. Stiles gently bit down on her lip and she fumbled with the zipper, his touch too intoxicating to have her focus on anything else. That’s when Stiles grabbed her hand and settled it on his lower back, a shameless moan falling from (Y/N)’s mouth when he lowered it even more. Both smiled into the kiss the second he guided her hand over his ass and squeezed, (Y/N) giggling when she realized his copy of the house keys were in his pocket this whole time.

Stiles took his hand off of hers and put it back on her waist as she slipped hers into his jeans’ pocket and pulled out the keys. The moment they were in her hand, the freckled boy broke their kiss and swiftly turned her around so she could open the door. Stiles’ mouth and teeth were sucking another hickey on her shoulder blade and (Y/N) felt weak in her knees. She didn’t know how, but she managed to unlock the door and turn the knob.

An animalistic instinct washed over Stiles and he immediately pushed the front door open, rushing the two inside. Before (Y/N) could even say anything, the young man hitched one of her legs around his waist and shoved her against the now closed door once again. She squealed when he did and Stiles chuckled against her lips. Both of their bodies dripping with lust as he rubbed his clothed bulge against the inside of her thigh, (Y/N) moaning in the process. Her hands were now wrapped around his neck, her fingers caressing his heated skin, and Stiles kept one hand on her waist as the other slowly slipped under the skirt of her dress to grab her practically bare ass. (Y/N) was wearing the smallest thong she owned and it definitely made Stiles’ cock twitch in his boxers.

“Shit, I’m seriously considering just fucking you right here.” Stiles moaned, his lips brushing against hers.

“Please do.” (Y/N) whimpered, Stiles feeling her heartbeat against his own chest.

“Please don’t.” A familiar male voice suddenly spoke up and the two lovers immediately snapped their heads towards the source.

Scott, Camile and Madi hadn’t left their​ positions on the couch since the two went out. The scene was absolutely comical from how shocked and frozen the three were. Scott had the tv remote in his hand as it pointed to the screen, his eyes wide. Camile kept a bowl of popcorn on her lap and held a single one up to her mouth, but it paused just outside of it as she stared in shock. Madi, however, wasn’t as astonished as the rest due to the mischievous grin she was wearing.

(Y/N) immediately tried to push Stiles off of her in embarrassment, but he held his ground and stayed right where he was. She couldn’t believe that they hadn’t even noticed they weren’t alone when they arrived.

“I have no problem still fucking you here.” Stiles grinned and, as turned on as she was, (Y/N) covered her face with her hands in humiliation. The girl let out a squeal when Stiles placed his mouth on her collarbone and began assaulting it with his tongue.

“Stiles!” She whined.

Out of pure respect for the girl he was holding and not because he cared that there were other people in the same room, Stiles placed (Y/N)’s leg down on the floor and took a step back from her. His hands were raised in surrender, but his eyes were still gazing at her in a cocky fashion. (Y/N) cleared her throat to rid herself of the embarrassment and slowly walked towards the staircase, Stiles watching her intently.

“Excuse me.” She stated to the three on the couch before looking over at Stiles with the lust still pooling in her pupils.

He certainly picked up what she was putting down as she began walking up the steps, Stiles hot on her trail. (Y/N) yelped in excitement when Stiles unexpectedly smacked her ass with his hand and they rushed even faster towards her bedroom.

“Go get that ass, Stiles!” Madi exclaimed.

“Use a condom!” Camile shouted after her.

Right as Stiles shut the bedroom door behind him, Madi turned around to grin at her two friends on the couch and both of them groaned. Searching in their pockets, Camile and Scott handed their fellow roommate twenty bucks each. Immediately regretting their bet on the two lovers upstairs that just yesterday were fighting. The bet consisted of when they would eventually hook up, Madi declared it would happen this month as Scott and Camile bet at the end of the year. Needless to say, the two lost.

(Y/N), yet again, was pushed up against a door and she quickly figured out that Stiles definitely has a door fetish. Not that she was complaining or found it weird in any way, it was actually one hell of a turn on. Their lips were back in sync together as Stiles reached behind her back and slowly unzipped the gorgeous dress (Y/N) was wearing, her breathing increasing at the contact. Once there was nothing left to unzip, Stiles let go of the zipper and proceeded to take off the straps of her dress. As soon as they were down her arms, he completely let go of the fabric and the dress instantly fell to the floor. Unfortunately breaking their kiss, (Y/N) stepped out of it pooling at her feet and Stiles’ jaw dropped when he took in her body.

The young man was already familiar with how she looked thanks to the countless times​ they’ve shared photos of their bodies through text, but he had never seen her in the flesh before and it was amazing to him. (Y/N) was wearing the most sexy set of matching purple underwear, his favorite color that he once told her. (Y/N) watched with hooded eyes as his own drowned in more lust than his pupils were already swimming in. Stiles licked his lips and the small action sent waves of desire straight to her pooling core.

(Y/N) was the first to break their trance as she brought her hand to the fancy flannel he was wearing for the date and began to unbutton it, she didn’t go as slow as Stiles did because she desperately wanted it off. The next thing she removed were his pants and they were finally in just their underwear together.

Stiles suddenly kneeled in front of her, surprising (Y/N) in the process, and pulled down her panties without saying anything. The second they were gone, the young man lifted one of her legs and hitched it over his shoulder. He looked up at her and placed tempting kisses on her stomach before licking her skin with his warm tongue, just like he’d promised earlier. Her body shuddered and she waited patiently as he trailed his tongue until it reached her core, already swiping up the slick folds. The small action alone made her hips twitch and she couldn’t control her moans when Stiles circled her swollen clit. He kept the motion going as he brought a finger up to tease her entrance. She whimpered of course and, the sound was so beautiful to him, he decided to give in. Stiles pushed two fingers inside of her, groaning at how tight she was, and gently pumped. It started out slow at first, but because of how responsive she was being as she moaned uncontrollably and her hips bucked continuously, Stiles decided to pick up his pace. (Y/N)’s eyes were shut as she concentrated on the pleasure and her core clenched around his fingers the second Stiles’ wrapped his lips around her nub and sucked furiously.

“F-Fuck, Stiles.” She moaned, knowing that her release was near. But, unfortunately for her, so did Stiles and he immediately pulled away.

Smirking up at the shocked glare he was receiving from her, Stiles licked her juices off of his lips and wiped his chin with the back of his hand. Normally, she would’ve been outraged to be denied of her orgasm but the way he looked right now took over her thoughts.

“I only want you cumming around my cock, tonight.” Stiles grinned, standing in front of her again and, before she could come up with a witty response, he yanked off his boxers. She was at a complete loss of words as she gawked at his delicious erection. The pulsing in her core increasing with unbelievable desire.

Stiles hitched her leg around his waist and positioned himself in front of her entrance, gazing into her eyes. Without breaking the contact, Stiles gently pushed his dick​ inside of her core and they both moaned at the new feeling. He desperately wanted to close his eyes, but wasn’t willing to take them off of hers as he thrusted. (Y/N)’s hands were settled on his back, the heel of her hitched leg digging into his ass to keep herself in place as one of his palms were flat out on the door and the other held her waist. The pleasure inside of her that was still around because Stiles was just eating her out tingled in (Y/N)’s body and, by the way she buzzed, she knew she’d be cumming soon.

Stiles increased his pace and the spring in her stomach coiled, indicating she was near. Her nails were digging into the skin of his back and Stiles would’ve winced if he wasn’t so turned on by how sexy she looked. Her eyes shut were and her head rested on the door as her unsteady breath let loud moans slip through. Stiles spread her legs more and began hitting her in a deeper and new angle, (Y/N)’s spring breaking as a result. Stiles immediately bit down on her shoulder, the feeling of her core clenching around him and her juices squirting on his cock too overwhelming.

But, he held onto his orgasm even though it was already knocking on the door. Stiles wanted this to last as long as possible and he actually managed to hold it. At this point, he was now pounding into her and (Y/N) whimpered at the extreme contact. Her body was still sensitive from releasing, but even though it was too much, she loved it.

Unclasping her bra, Stiles took it off and latched his lips onto her breast. His tongue flicking her nipple and caressing it. The second Stiles bit down on her perky bud and pulled, (Y/N) came for a second time tonight. And this time, Stiles allowed himself to as well. Her warmth clenched around him once again before his hips stuttered and he released hot cum inside of her, both moaning crazily. Their highs lasted longer than they’ve ever had and when the two were finally back in reality, Stiles stopped thrusting and placed a kiss on her lips.

“The way you annoy me every day drives me so fucking crazy, but you know what effects me more?” Stiles suddenly spoke up. “The way I smile at how you always put your milk in the bowl before your cereal or the way my heart beats faster whenever you laugh at something on your phone and time stops. But, most importantly, the way I feel like I’m flying everytime I’m around you.”

The words coming out of his mouth were making (Y/N)’s heart flutter so hard, she was sure it would eventually break her ribcage.

“Even though we bicker, I adore it because it reminds me of old married couples. And that’s exactly what I want us to be, a couple.” Stiles continued. “Because no matter how mad I get, I know that I’m deeply and irretrievably in love with you.”

“Stiles,” She smiled, looking at him with heart-eyes. “I love you, too.”

Stiles and (Y/N) have had countless fights in the time they’ve known each other. The two have shared millions of glares, angry shouts, eye-rolls, and fits of rage. But the thing was, they both loved each other in each and every one.

A Babysitting Love Affair | Zach Dempsey x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff
POV: Reader’s/First Person

A/N: This was requested by anon! I hope you guys will like this as much as my first one. I kind of ramble on but please bear with me lol.
Request: could i request a zach dempsey x reader where the reader is babysitting zach’s sister, and zach haven’t met the babysitter yet and one day he goes home early and falls in love with her?

—–

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning Mrs. Dempsey.”

“Alright love, thank you so much!”

I smile as I close the door after Zach’s mom who asked me to babysit Zach’s little sister, May. She mentioned that she will have to go to Chicago for the weekend to take care of something and I was assigned to be May’s companion overnight since her brother is an extremely busy guy. The Dempseys are a close family friend, too bad I’m not really that close with Zach or May. It’s probably because we go to different high schools and it doesn’t really help that I can be anti-social at times. I know nothing about them, and they know nothing about me in return so it’s all good.

—–

The next morning

“I’ll be leaving now or else I’ll miss my flight! Thank you so much again Y/N for babysitting. I’ll see you girls tomorrow morning alright? Feel at home love, my number’s on the fridge if you need me and I left money for any emergency. Zach won’t be here until dinner tonight. He has basketball practice.” Mrs. Dempsey says as she bids goodbye to Zach’s little sister and I.

“Got it Mrs. Dempsey! We’ll see you tomorrow.” I finally say with a smile.

“Bye mom! I’ll be good, I promise!” May puts her right thumb out to her mom and waves goodbye.

“So, what do you want to do today, May?” I ask her as we’re left alone inside the house.

“Hmm, I don’t really have anything in mind. Oh wait I know! Let’s style each other’s hair.” She suggests with a gleam in her eyes; she looked so excited.

“Sure kiddo.” I reply with a smile and we proceed to the living room to watch TV. May got all of her hair accessories from her room for us to use. She decided that it’d be fun to start with my hair first and put them in pigtails and so she did. She chose these pink puffy hair bands to tie my hair. May had long, black and shiny hair which reminded me of Katniss Everdeen so naturally, I chose to put her hair in a fish tail braid.

“Wow Y/N, you’re really good at this!” she beams after her make over.

“Why thank you, Miss Everdeen.” I reply with a bow and she giggles in response.

A couple of hours later and it was almost lunch time. May wanted to order pizza and so we did. She didn’t like vegetables so we opted for a classic cheese pizza instead. A few minutes later and the doorbell rang, I ran to the door to open it, with the money in my left hand.

“Thank you so–” I begin to greet the pizza man but a ginormous, muscular guy hovered above me instead.

Keep reading

5.5.17 // 7:05pm // guide to exam season

hello hello! i know i’ve been a little absent the past few days, but i had my last exam yesterday and now i’m finally home. i asked for advice/masterpost topic suggestions, so without further ado, here is my guide to exam season! (as requested by @rivkahstudies)

whether it’s high school finals, college finals or ap/ib exams, i’m sure we all know how it feels to have to learn (seemingly) all the knowledge ever known in a few weeks. here’s how to come out relatively unscathed:

1. pretty notes are nice, but they also take forever. i’m a huge fan of making summaries and study guides so, to spice up my notes efficiently, i pick two colored pens that I alternate between for each section/topic. 

2. on a similar vein, don’t use a billion different colors/pens/highlighters. it takes time to switch between pens or to pick up a highlighter. and to figure out what color the term/fact should be classified as. underlining and writing in all caps is just as effective to provide emphasis on something. and way faster.

3. study guides are your friend. like i said earlier, this is one of my favorite way to study for big cumulative exams. go through your notes (or the textbook) and summarize, but make sure you understand what you write down. write things in a way that makes sense to you (don’t just copy). going back over lecture notes is great because it forces you to put pieces together, calls things you didn’t get to your attention, and allows you to skip over concepts you are already very solid in.

4. learn from practice problems. if your teacher/professor give past exams or practice problems, use them. i like to go through them and, if i don’t know how to do something and wasn’t just being dumb, i take notes on key concepts/strategies used to solve the problem. this way, it’s on my radar and i can apply those strategies to other problems. if you really don’t have time (or are lazy like me), go through the solutions and take notes on any solution that you wouldn’t have immediately thought of. not quite as effective as actually doing them first, but it still helps.

5. memorize strategically. this one is really great for vocab or classes like ap spanish lit where you need to know facts about lots of different works. start by memorizing the “easy” ones that stand out. maybe you have a personal connection, or it’s the only work in that style or time period. i find starting there and working towards the more “difficult” works builds confidence and helps you be really sure of the ones you do know. if you get down to the end and there are two works you always get confused, at least you’ve narrowed down the list by having everything else locked in.

6. breathe. one of the worst things you can do is let yourself get overwhelmed (either while studying or while test-taking). don’t let yourself get to that point. if you need to take a step back, do it. pushing yourself too far can lead to a complete shut down, which will put you out of commission for (possibly) days and only fuel your sense of helplessness. exams are important, but they’re not so important that you need to sacrifice your well being.

best of luck with all your exams and please feel free to message me/send me an ask if you want more advice. i love giving it :D -m

They’re watching baby animals videos

( @greyhairsowhat happy birthday dear !!!!  (ノ ´ 3 ` )ノ  ❤️️💕)

Yuri on Ice interview translation - Febri 2017/03 (p29-33)

Finally the interview from Febri is finished! I like Kubo’s interviews but I swear I don’t want to see any more for some time… This one is also mentioning a lot of stuff that I haven’t read in other interviews so far. It’s a bit long but definitely worth reading!

Translation is under the cut. I might fix the format a little later on to make it visually better, now I have to leave to go to Wonder Festival… (who needs sleep?).
If you have any questions about the interview feel free to message me.

***If you wish to share this translation please do it by reblogging or posting a link to it***

***Re-translating into other languages is ok but please mention that this post is the source***

Keep reading

burningocean  asked:

Top 5 Soukoku moments ? 😎

Hi Ann, look at what you’ve done. Thank you for the pain. 

1. “I used Corruption because I trusted you”. All this scene is sort of heartbreaking. Chuuya trusts Dazai so much it physically pains me. He hasn’t used Corruption in FOUR YEARS, and then Dazai comes and says “let’s do it like the old times” / “yes, why not, I’ll just put my life in your hands like I did countless of times despite the fact that you betrayed me and I haven’t heard from you in FOUR FRIGGING YEARS and I could literally die in front of your eyes”. WHO DOES THAT????????? Chuuya Nakahara, apparently. That being said, I can’t believe my favorite skk moment is also the moment that makes me raging THE MOST. Of course I’m still outrageously bitter because Dazai literally called him partner, folded his clothes (yes, I’m bringing back the vintage receipts here), washed his face from the blood and then…left him there??? WHAT THE FUCK DAZAI???

2. When they pull the power couple aesthetic. When they actually work together as a team, they are mesmerizing to watch. You can see that the roots of their partnership are still there, that they know each other so much that sometimes they don’t even need words to communicate. They are not Soukoku for nothing, after all. 

Originally posted by princelelouchs

Originally posted by nikforovs

3. When Chuuya fake killed Dazai (aka, Soukoku in a nutshell). Ah this is such a powerful moment, the cherry on top of a scene where Dazai did everything he could to push Chuuya on the verge of murder, just to see him almost doing it. I can’t help but think how liberating this gesture must have been for Chuuya, he finally let out a little bit of his frustration (that’s why he was there in the first place. After four years he’s still bugged by him, he still wants some sort of revenge, he still needs a closure Dazai is not willing to give him). But that’s it. You can say you’ll kill him all you want, my little Chuuya, but will you really? I don’t think so, because you care and love him so much it’s almost painful to watch. And if you, Dazai, could stop toying with him every chance you get, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

4. Every time Dazai reminds Chuuya that he knows everything about him. Tell us more about those moves and those thrusts Dazai, we’re all ears. 

5. DORKS. First of all, I want Dazai saying “CHUUUYAAAAAA” as the sound people hear passing next to my grave. Second. I feel so robbed because in the manga Dazai actually laugh his ass off at Chuuya’s “little rich girl” impression. 

Originally posted by seieiryu

Originally posted by zoemichaelisphantomhive

- bonus: all the official art involving them is a blessing sent from the gods, I think that Bones ships them as much as we do if not more (remember the park date one? HONESTLY). But there’s one that has has a special place in my heart:

LISTEN. L I S T E N. I could talk about this art literally for two days straight because ??? You can try to convince me all you want, but this is made to be somehow romantic. Look at the way Dazai is tilting his chin up, it looks like he’s waiting for a kiss. And Chuuya is looking in our direction but if he was to look down he’ll be right above Dazai’s lips and ???? WHAT THE FUCK??? Not to mention what’s probably the most fucked up thing here that is THE FLOWERS. It’s a Camellia Japonica, or Japanese Quince, and they are the symbol of love, temptation, passion and deep desire. That’s it y’all. I’m out. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Soukoku might not be canon, but sure as hell they are baiting it…a lot. 

Thank you for your message!

Ask me my top 5 things!

2

Got a picture with my favorite man.

Oops.

I’m playing as a witch in our newest campaign….magic is a lot harder than I thought.

Context: we’re in a cave and the party split up. 4 people just fought 9 spiders and all but one were knocked out. Now it’s me and 2 other people trying to fight spiders in a different part of the cave and one girl was already knocked out and inflict light wounds isn’t doing much for me.

Me, panicking: should I use my crossbow? Should I use a spell?

our DM, who is trying DMing for the first time: why don’t you use one of your hexes?

me: they wouldn’t fit in this situation…

the sorceror, who is really good at pathfinder and DMs a lot: I told you misfortune would be a good idea…

me: DON’T YELL AT ME!!! ALL I HAVE IS “KILL SHIT” (blight) AND “TALK TO SPIDERS” (tongues, in which I could have spoken to the spiders for a minute)

the sorceror: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??? WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS IF YOU HAD TALKED TO THEM!!!!

Me: is it too late??

our DM: well, you already cut 2 of its legs off so it probably won’t want to listen to you

anonymous asked:

I've seen you say a couple times that you don't see or that you're disabled. Do you mind talking about it? I ask because I am an aspiring writer and it is really hard for me. I wanted to know how you managed or what it was like?

I don’t mind talking about it. It’s something that made me who I am.

When I was about 12, my health sort of started to eat itself. I suddenly had a ton of allergies, and there were days I couldn’t get out of bed. I got sick all the time. In freshman year of high school, I suddenly couldn’t see. For a long time a thing had been going on in my eyes, but I guess I didn’t think it was abnormal until it made it impossible for me to see. Basically this hole was kind of growing in my eyes, but it was more like a rainbow.

When I started having trouble with colors and detail vision, my mom freaked out a bit, because at the time, I was an award winning artist who had ideas of going to college for art. Then I started tripping over things, hitting my head, having trouble with depth perception. Then I got sick, and I mean sick.

I spent about 23 hours a day in bed. I had almost constant migraines. I had pain in my entire body. My skin turned yellow. I went to every kind of doctor you can think of and was tested for everything there is. One day, I had about 12 vials of blood drawn. No one knew what was wrong. The eyes weren’t that big a deal at first, because it seemed like I might have something really serious. The first couple of eye doctors I went to kind of looked at me and said “Oh it’s nothing big.” I actually had one guy tell me that my brain was just shutting off my eyes because I wasn’t using them properly. Yeah.

Then finally, my mom took me to a friend of our family who happened to be an eye surgeon. She did a free exam. I’ll never forget it because it was the first time anyone believed me. I’d been told by doctor after doctor that there was nothing wrong with me. I’d been referred to therapists, told I needed depression meds, told I was just going through a phase or needed attention. Then this doctor put on her head gear, looked into my eyes…took off the head gear…got new head gear…looked into my eyes…took off the headgear…got hand held tools…looked into my eyes…and then stared at me with her mouth hanging open.

“I can’t see the back of your eye,” she said. And suddenly the world simultaneously healed itself and flipped upside-fucking-down for me.

Then it was all about my eyes, the one symptom we could see happening. The one that was the most dangerous. But by then it was too late.

What happened is pretty simple: I apparently have some weird recessive DNA. It triggers certain bizarre immune issues at puberty. My immune system decided to attack my body. The eyes are a delicately balanced system. They show symptoms first. My immune system attacked them with a vengeance. They swelled up like balloons. Normal eye pressure is about 14-17. Mine was at a 22 at its best. It put a tremendous amount of pressure on my Retina, specifically my macula, cutting off blood flow like when you sit on your foot. You know those little shadowy things that float across your eyes? They’re called protein floaters. My eyes had produced so many of those that the doctor could not see through them. It was a fog.

They had to find a way to map my eye, to track the damage. Cue the eye exam from hell. I have always been, even before my autoimmune disorder, deathly allergic to melon. Any kind of melon. But now I was allergic to all sorts of shit, fruits vegetables, all kinds of crap. My dad is allergic to contrast dyes. So when the retinologist suggested this dye-based eye exam that is kind of like a CAT scan, my mom said “no”. See, they inject you with this dye and then they flash this weird light in your eyes. It causes the dye to glow, and then they can see the things through the fog. My mom told them I was too sensitive to stuff for that to be safe. The doc assured her they’d put a butterfly in my arm, meaning the vein would be kept open, and a syringe of benedryl was set on the counter. They’d never had anyone react, and they needed the pictures or there was nowhere to go from there.

So they put this dye into me, and it was like I’d been injected with fire, but there was no way around it, and to me, I knew they only had about 90 seconds to get the images they needed. So I sucked it up. finally the burning began to spread. Suddenly my back felt like I was being stabbed, and I suddenly couldn’t speak. I tapped my hands on my mom, then began sneezing spontaneously. My mom lifted my shirt, and I had quarter-sized hives. The nurse said “Stop sneezing on the camera”. Yeah.

My mom went ballistic. The doctor flew up the stairs and gave me the emergency meds. I slid into a dissociation state and nearly out of my chair. They had to prop me against the camera for the next couple minutes and reinject the dye. No other way, you see.

They did this test every few months for a few years.

But then there was treatment. Not much they could do, except try to get the swelling under control. Only way to do that was corticosteroid injections in the eye. Yup. A needle in the eye. No, they don’t knock you out. They numb the surface of the eye with the same numbing drops they give you for the exams and then they come at you with a needle, tell you to look down and to hold still. And you fucking do.

I was 15 when that started.

I went to experimental clinics, labs, and joined studies. I dropped out of those. Why? It’s pretty simple. The first day I came to the exams, I was kept waiting for over two hours. I was taken into a room. I was left there. No information, no talking. Suddenly a man came in followed by a group of people, all in lab coats. He started moving me around like I was a doll and talking like, “The patient presents with…the patient this, the patient that…”

I shoved him back and said, “The patient’s name is Kristina, and she is 16.”

He finished his exam, and when he left, after the students had gone, he took two Q-tips, dipped them in that pink shit your dentist uses to swab your gums before an injection, and SHOVED them under my eyelids with a cocky smirk.

The patient will never be an snotty little bitch again, I guess.

So yeah. Fuck those guys. They gave me two injections in one day, which no one had ever done before, because it was almost impossible to function with two pimple-like bubbles on your eyeballs.

Still my health was bad. Then all of a sudden, when my mom had given up, It just wasn’t anymore. Suddenly, I was fine, and all that was left were the eyes. I went back to school, except now I was blind.

In a few months, I’d lost about 80% of my perfect vision. I was photophobic. I got horrible and constant headaches. I walked with a cane. And not a single fucking teacher believed me, except my civics teacher, who had gone blind at a young age due to some other weird eye disorder, and my physics teacher who was deaf. I had teachers send me to the office for wearing my sunglasses (with a note on file). I had teachers get on my case about having an audio recorder and CD player for my books. I had teachers call me names, make fun of me, make me leave class to photocopy their notes larger, so that I missed the lecture the notes were on. I had teachers take my medications which had to be in my possession because of their time-sensitive nature and constant administration and hide them in their desks as punishment for asking questions or demanding help. I had classmates pick on me, but luckily, I was well-liked, and I was an officer in the ROTC. I even excelled there in spite of my vision, because my Captain believed in my leadership skills.

I always tell this story because I think it is funny. We had this special boot camp we got to go to if we were in the upper ranks of the ROTC. If you joined the military after high school (which I could never do) you got a higher paygrade for having gone through it. Almost like taking a couple JC classes in the military. It was grueling and all physical fitness, obstacle courses, PT, classes, guard duty…fucking blah. Our unit was allowed six participants. I sort of figured that it wasn’t really fair for me to go, even with my high rank (a company XO). To my complete fucking shock, my Captain recommended me to go, cutting out a classmate (and ex) of mine who was higher in rank. The boy went ape-shit. He went on and on about how unfair it was. He even went to the school board. My Captain made his reasons clear; he told them that the academy isn’t about military sponsorship. It’s about skills and quality. He didn’t care if I had a disability. In his eyes I had more innate ability than anyone there because I had worked so hard just to be where I was. The boy was angry. I told my Captain I appreciated the gesture, but honestly, we ought to make it fair. I told him that we should train to meet the PT standards, and that if this kid could make his, but i couldn’t make mine, he should go. I made mine. He didn’t. He complained about that too. At the last minute, we were told one extra person could come because another school had lost one. So he came anyway. The whole time he bitched about me being there. When I got there, the real military officers gave me shit like you wouldn’t believe, because they weren’t used to dealing with disabilities or recognizing that they can’t discriminate against high schoolers by law. The commander of the unit tried to dress me down in front of everybody for wearing sunglasses. I was pretty pleased with myself for telling him off but still sounding respectful. He kept saying “Take off my glasses”. I told him they weren’t his. They were mine, by law, and that if he had a problem with that, he could consult my attorney, the DOJ, and the doctor who prescribed them. He tried to fuck with me. I didn’t say anything except to ask him if he wanted me to have a migraine, because that’s what taking the glasses off means. He was so confused by me he walked away and called my Captain over. There were words. After that, he came up to me once or twice, almost like a test, to ask me if I needed him to slow down or if I was getting around alright. He wasn’t being nice. He was egging me in a condescending tone and with very bullying language. He’s a drill instructor, and you know what, that’s his job. I told him I was fine. But I made a decision: I wasn’t just going to make the female PT marks. I was going to test out of this fucking place at the male PT marks. And I fucking did. That boy…had an asthma attack on the track (I had asthma too, but I worked my ass off while he coasted on his “boyness”) and failed. At the certificate ceremony, the commander came up to me and said I had really impressed him, and that it was a shame I couldn’t enter the Navy. I thanked him, but what I wanted to say was, “Go fuck yourself and take the NAVY with you”. I ended up the Battalion XO Senior year. This would have given me a guaranteed spot in Westpoint if I could have taken it. My Captain cried when he told me he was sorry he had to give it to one of our Company XO’s. I told him that it was best for everyone, because I am not the type of person to enjoy taking orders. I had learned that about myself.

He laughed.

Around Junior year I got people to pay attention. My doctors got the DOJ and the Social Security people involved. A woman came to my school and enforced compliance in a tone of voice I’d never heard anyone but my mother use. She threatened to rain brimstone down on them if they didn’t give me what I needed, and things changed.

My parents wanted me to take a full scholarship to a local school, but I wanted to get away. So I did. I wanted to travel abroad, so i did. And when I was 19, they perfected one of the surgeries they had been working on the entire time I’d been struggling with this.

See, the injections had brought and kept the swelling down, but that meant that the fog was still there (since ocular fluid doesn’t replace), and the structures in the eye had been stretched all to shit, and were laying in my eye like melted plastic wrap. The old surgery was like a blind man hacking with a machete, but the new surgery used fluorescent dyes to track movement. Dyes that wouldn’t kill me. The old surgery had a 50-50 shot at complete loss of vision and made you lay on your face for three weeks. The new was fool proof and took 45 minutes. So, I got one eye done. They swapped out all the fluid and replaced it with saline. They peeled the distorted membrane off the macula. They stitched up my eyeball and gave me a sick metal eye patch. Looked like a fucking space pirate. It was rad.

But the blind spot is still there. The cataracts caused by the steroids are still there. The scars are there.

A few years later I had the other one done too.

My college was great. It took a lot of work getting all my reading done, about 500 pages minimum, per week, done via audio. I used to spend hours at the pool table in our residence hall, listening to my books and practicing. I got pret damn good too, at pool. It was difficult taking notes or working with a note taker. It was scary traveling by myself. It was hard to get people to understand there wasn’t anything WRONG with me. Just that my eyes don’t work even though it seems like I’m normal and fine, and like they should. People always think to be legally blind you have to be completely blind, and they think you’re not going to be able to defend yourself. I’ve been targeted by pickpockets. I’ve been followed by scary dudes. I’ve been treated like shit, laughed at, and accused by full grown adults of faking to get privileges, all because I can look at the place where their head should be and smile at the blank spot there. All because I can walk down a flight of stairs with a few neat tricks I know that have nothing to do with a cane.

But shit…you probably didn’t mean to ask for my life story. I’m going to get back to the point. My writing. What has it done for that? Like how can you be a writer if you can’t fucking see? Technology. It’s been amazing. I can use a computer same as anyone. The Kindle has been a fucking revolution for me because for the first time in a decade and a half I could read without pain and suffering. Just…all the things it does have made life so much easier than it used to be. It got me out of bad relationships with people who used my disability as a control. It gave me a little bit of confidence back. It helped me know I could handle myself.

And really, I think my vision loss had a lot to do with my writing. In some ways it gives me different perspective, sure, but it’s more than that. I was undeclared when I entered college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I thought about history or sociology. My mom had a degree in that and she was an English teacher. I wanted art history, but what the fuck was the point in that? Couldn’t see a damn thing. And then I had a class in poetry, and shit…That made sense. I’d always loved language and writing. Always been okay at it. Dorte stuff but never thought about doing it for a living. But then it was like yeah…yeah I’m gonna fucking do that. Just like when I decided to meet the male PT standards.

If it is in you. If you love it. If it defines you and possesses you, it does not matter how fucked up you are. You will find a way. You don’t have a choice. You are that thing. And you’ll adapt. You just have to let yourself. You have to keep pushing. You have to learn how to handle frustration. you have to train yourself into stamina. You just keep going. I’m nowhere near as successful as I want to be. I’m still going. I hope I get even better. I hope I can say things that make truth more obvious, or that help people put words to things they have always wanted to say.

I don’t need my eyes to be a fucking firestorm. That’s just me. Eyes don’t mean shit.

So keep going. Keep doing whatever you need to. Do it better and better. Bend yourself around it. People who see you struggle will think they’re lucky, but you and I know the truth: they’re not even close to the kind of strong you are. Not even a little bit.

In case anyone was wondering about the Polish immigrants, England thing i referenced in the previous post:

 Basically when i was living in the UK I was in a program that granted us living space in one of the most expensive areas of London, and we had a maid service that would come to clean every other day.  The entire staff of the maid service was Eastern European women, but the ones that specifically cleaned my unit were Polish and had severe difficulty with English. 

Because me and the people I was with had manners and were largely middle class Americans, we were all uncomfortable with the concept of just sitting there while someone cleaned around us. So we did this thing where, whenever the maids came, we would also get up and clean with them and then we would thank them for helping and tip them. 

At first they were ferociously uncomfortable with what was going on because I think they perceived us as thinking they were so bad at their jobs that they needed to be watched/cleaned up after. But one of my roommates got a polish/english dictionary and explained, and they were like really really touched?  But in that way that waiters get when you’re actually nice to them after hundreds of customers treat them like shit? which tbh was the first red flag but i was too American to realize it at the time. 

Anyway, we just kind of shrugged it off like whatever and kind of made friends with them.

Later on, I was hanging out with some people actually from London and I told the story about the miscommunication with maids to them as a funny “lol american behavior” story, kind of expecting them to just laugh. Or to agree with me that having maids was weird as a middle class person, but instead what I got was this horrifying tirade about how Eastern Europeans are coming illegally and stealing jobs and bringing crime

And suddenly, like getting slapped in the face, I realized that they were perceiving and reacting to these people exactly the way people in America do to Mexican immigrants. 

Like on every level.

Literally any blanket statement you’ve ever heard people in America make about Mexicans, I eventually heard someone English say about Eastern Europeans. It was disgusting, but also very illuminating. 

On the whole, it was so shocking to me, that my entire world view on “whiteness” shifted in that moment and I decided to do more research about it, and pay attention to the concept significantly more closely. 

The first thing I learned
is that (super basic) concept about “whiteness is ur skincolor!!!1!!” is an incredibly American perspective that really has more bearing in our short 250 year history, than literally anywhere or any time else on earth.

The second thing that I learned is that there are whole swathes of “white skinned people” who aren’t regionally considered white and are treated rather similarly (both socially and intersectionally) to the way POC are treated in America. 

The third thing I learned
is that even in America, whiteness is more complex than just “skin color” and that there was a literal slow pecking order of who got to “Become” white when in our history. And that most of our surface level race discourse is based on the lie that whiteness is inherent and physical, not recent, structural and granted. 

The fourth thing I learned was about the entire concept that one could “become white” is also attached to the concept that one could “lose whiteness”, which tbh is a little scary to me and I’m not even white myself. 

I am currently learning about “losing whiteness” in america and the roots of american racism (who decided this? why did they decide this? who benefits from this structure? what is a race issue and what is a class issue? How are ways to fix this? what are the negative aspects of the social positioning of whiteness on the working class as a whole? how can i improve my general discourse on this subject while being less focused on my American Perspective?)

I am almost done researching that, and I am starting to move on to class based struggle as it includes racism/xenophobia as a red herring, regarding obscuring the transfer of wealth from the general public to the hands of the few so if y’all got information on that send it my way.


Anyway, long story short, every day is a day to learn something new.