this is me when i want food

RFA: MC Crying From Laughter

May I request a headcanon where RFA+Saeran+V are trying to make MC laugh because she didn’t look happy as usual, but when she did laugh she starts crying on the floor in tears because whatever they said was super funny?

Hi, it’s Pancake 😁 I’m sorry this took me so long, I’ve been;; really, really busy. I’m sorry if this one doesn’t turn out great… but I’m trying! Some of these got waaay longer than I wanted them to… oops. I hope you enjoy it anyways 👍🏻

Yoosung
⁃ If you’re ever unhappy, ya boy Yoosung knows
⁃ You guys had gone to an internet cafe and you were just kind of poking at your food
⁃ “MC?” Yoosung asked. “Are… uh, are you okay?”
⁃ You met his gaze and looked back down. “Yeah?”
⁃ Awkward silence.
⁃ “Are you sure? You seem, well, sort of upset?”
⁃ I mean you wanted to tell him, but you didn’t want to ruin your date
⁃ So you just said, “I’m fine,” and hoped he would accept it
⁃ He didn’t.
⁃ “No, you’re not,” he said firmly.
⁃ And listen y’all this kiddo has absolutely no idea what else to do so he just stands up and dumps his entire bowl of ramen on his head
⁃ It was…
⁃ Very unexpected, to say the least
⁃ All the shock and emotion just rolls out in one big wave and you’re laughing and crying and Yoosung is chasing you around the table screaming “hUG MEEEEE” but you’re wearing your new shirt and he’s covered in ramen and the whole cafe is staring at you like you’re crazy and that’s when you realize
⁃ You love being with him. You love acting like stupid college students and doing the simple things together. You love holding his hand and tousling his hair. You love it when he cups an uneasy hand over your face and kisses you. You love the way he says your name.
⁃ You love him.

Zen
⁃ Movie nights are usually much more fun when you’re not holding back tears
⁃ You and Zen were trying to unwind before his big performance tomorrow, and you didn’t want to stress him out
⁃ You made it half an hour before he caught you off guard and asked if you wanted popcorn
⁃ You didn’t have time to swallow back the lump in your throat and your voice broke as you answered
⁃ Then he asked if you were okay, and all of the emotion started spilling out
⁃ Oh honey
⁃ The poor angel was just so lost
⁃ I mean you were blubbering and ugly crying (even though you still look gorgeous with tears and snot streaming down your face) and Zen couldn’t understand a dang word you were saying
⁃ So he just kind of pulled you in and wrapped you up in his arms
⁃ You just stayed like that, leaning into him until the sobs simmered into hiccups
⁃ His hands traveled up and down your back and found your ribs and
⁃ You really didn’t expect to get jabbed
⁃ A burst of laughter escaped you before you knew what was going on
⁃ And suddenly he was tackling you and you were gasping for air between spurts of uncontrollable giggles
⁃ There was not a ticklish spot on your body that his fingers didn’t find
⁃ When you thought you couldn’t breathe anymore, Zen relented and you guys settled back on the couch, panting like crazy
⁃ Consider yourselves unwound

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Vegan breakfast is a beautiful thing. Before I went vegan I was the queen of breakfast… I was all about eggs and toast and going out to cafes for them. When I decided to go vegan I was wondering what I would even do for breakfast. And let me tell you, tofu scramble is amazing. I still am the queen of breakfasts and am saving money by not wanting to get breakfast all the time at restaurants. Go vegan! Instagram: vibing.vegan

It’s probably a good thing I don’t have or want a love life because if I ever moved in with a lover (or, let’s be real, they moved in with me) they would undoubtedly be constantly interrupted by me.

They are making food when I burst into the kitchen. “Holy shit you’ve got to see this!” I yell. They sigh. “Is it Posy?” I’m already walking over and holding up my lizard. She is wearing a teeny tiny scarf. I’m crying.

4

I’m kinda extremely in love with @moreracquetball ’s podcast au??? She always has the best aus

Eventually when I have time (hopefully this weekend) I’ll draw an actual big thing with, like, a drawing tablet and color and maybe even an eraser cause Jeeze that’s a lot of lines, but for right now I’ve got a sketch page full of my favorite mbmbam goofs (sexy foods, mango cult, wizard swears, amélie, play with me, and also a line from the newest episode, in case my handwriting is unreadable)

Prompt List

I opened up requests again. Send in requests, if you want me to write something up for you. Please note that it will take some time to write them.


  1. “You’re just trying to get in my pants.”
  2. “Maybe there’s more to me than what meets the eye.”
  3. “Anything for science.”
  4. “Why are you stealing my clothes?”
  5. “Give me the computer, I need to look up cute penguins.”
  6. “Don’t touch my food.” 
  7. “I just want a hug.” 
  8. “You should be very, very scared of me.” 
  9. “My entire universe used to be you.” 
  10. “You won’t scare me away.” 
  11. “When I was told I was going on a blind date, I never thought it’d be you.” 
  12. “Are your nails painted?”
  13. “I don’t hate you.” 
  14. “If someone used cheesy pick-up lines on me, I think I’d marry them.” 
  15. “You were never meant to find out.”
  16. “Do you have any tattoos?”
  17. “Either ride piggy-back or I carry you bridal style.”
  18. “Falling in love with you was the worst mistake I could’ve made.”
  19. “You can’t tell because I’m smiling, but I’m mentally rolling my eyes at you.”
  20. “Please refrain from touching the artwork.”
  21. “I don’t kidnap, I just temporarily borrow a person.” 
  22. “Are you trying to get me in a threesome?” 
  23. “That sword on my wall… I like to think it has some sort of historical importance but I really just got it at comic store.” 
  24. “Life was so much easier when I hated you.” 
  25. “It is four-thirty in the morning.”
  26. “Where are your pants?”
  27. “Put me down!”
  28. “The skirt is short on purpose.”
  29. “You deserve better than me.”
  30. “Maybe I can’t fix you but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.”
  31. “We probably shouldn’t.”
  32. “I had a nightmare. Can I stay here? Just for tonight?”
  33. “It was an accident!”
  34. “We could’ve been so happy.”
  35. “You’re mine.”
  36. “I really wished you told me your mother was in town.”
  37. “You might not like me, but you definitely want me.”
  38. “Why didn’t you stop me?”
  39. “Don’t bite that fucking lip.”
  40. “I should go.”

anonymous asked:

hey alex, would you say you still follow 801010? why/why not? xxx

Definitely not. I don’t pay attention to what I eat closely enough to know what my ratios are and honestly I think it’s really healthy not to. I just eat whatever I feel like. If I had to guess, I would say that it varies from probably 40/30/30 to maybe 60/20/20. I like peanut butter and avo and chickpeas way too much for 80/10/10.

I think we should just stop focusing on those numbers and just focus on eating whole plant foods that make us feel good. Maybe some people need guidance in the beginning when their body has to learn to want what it needs but it’s been so long for me now that I know that if I only ate nuts all day, I’d probably feel pretty sick but if I ate nothing but sweet potato, I probably wouldn’t be entirely satisfied until I put some avo or tahini on there. Pay attention to your energy levels and digestion and you’ll get there x

I think a couple people tagged me in this so thank you @kehkr and @littleagranger ♥️

If you get this, you have to say 5 random things about yourself, then tag 10 other people.

1) I love making playlists but I never get to share them (ask me lmfao)

2) I am that friend who will go to ANY CONCERT with you. Wanna go see cannibal corpse? I’m fucking there. Wanna go to simple plan? I’m fucking there too bitch. An Opera? I just bought our tickets.

3) I am obsessed with my instant pot it cooked things super fast and I’m a cute as hell chubby lady who loves food so it works

4) I have a big interest in true crime and drug addicts lmao

5) when I was 8 I had a stuffed animal dog I carried around with me cause I wanted to be like Calvin and Hobbes

No obligation to do this (or sorry if you’ve already done it) but I’m gonna tag @whileyoureinschoolidothisallday @spongebobafettywap @martyoshka

i wish people would stop seeing animated movies at the result of big name studios and see them rather as the result of the hard work of hundreds of artists who dedicated their time and effort into creating something for us to enjoy

9

Hey, it’s, uh… It’s me. I know that I’ve been gone too long, and, uh… It’s- I just, I want you to know that it’s not about you and it’s not about our fight. Okay? Something came up, and I will… I will explain it all when I see you. I just… I want you to know that I’m not mad. I’m just sorry. About everything. I… I don’t want you to get hurt at all. And I don’t wanna lose you. Just make sure you heat up some real food. Not just Eggos. And I want you to eat all the peas, even if they’re mushy and gross. And… I will be home soon.

anonymous asked:

kjdshjf i can't believe you think you draw girls w/diverse body types lmao

I clearly don’t…

You know, you can lmao at me as much as you like, but does it ever occure to you that I….don’t owe you anything? I don’t know you. And funny thing, you seem to not know me as well.

Maybe I am not that great at drawing super varied bodytypes, even though I actually try (you’re very welcome to lmao at me yet again). I TRY. Is it my fault that fandoms I’m in doesn’t seem to have enough diversity? Is it now a bad thing to follow the anime design? Oh. right.

Whenever I made my girls volleyball team ocs and had the chance to give them variety at bodytypes, because I had the freedom to do so, I did so. So what if I didn’t do it as well as you’d like me to? Why do you think I owe you the style or visualisation that YOU’d like to see? I draw for myself, if there are people who like it - it’s great! If there are those who don’t - also great! As long as you guys don’t bully me for not drawing the way you want me to. 

I’m tired of this moral highness you guys seem to carry through every call out and anon message. It seems to be rolling past you that words have consequences. YOU DON’T KNOW me, once again. Nor my mental state, nor my backstory, nor nothing. It also seems to go past you that I *might* be as well another human being with own feelings just like you, and hey, what a great thing it is nowadays to be able to anonymously upset someone! 

You ride your high horse of morality with all the “problematic” things I am doing or not doing, searching for them in everything and feeling so high moral, yet refuse for a second consider that you can talk privately with someone instead of writing vague passive agressive posts or messages. If you want to make a change - good arguments is your key.

Also, a food for thought. You never know when someone you write anon hate or make posts about can be depressed, and when something you said might be the last drop. Consider this.

As for me, no, I don’t have depression and I am pretty stable mentally, but for a future reference and more messages you might write to whoever, think first. 

All best, sorry for the rant, I am just very exhausted and had to let it out. 

Pixar COCO ¡Viva México!

Ok, ok, so I recently went to see the movie and let me tell you something… it’s more than just a movie, es una obra de arte.

I’m not joking, really, my expectations went beyond what I thought. It was amazing in every way. Well, maybe I’m gonna make some spoilers, but I found myself in need of telling you my experience as a Mexican point of view.

Because yes, I’m proudly Mexican.

  • 1. Estás muy flaco, ¡come más!

This is funny. 

In each family, at least in mine, it is normal that your grandmother wants to feed you because, according to her, you are very thin. And this reminded me a lot of my grandmother, whom I sweetly called Yaya. And yes, she is a strong, very determined woman who always fills my plate with lots of food. 

But my Yaya’s food is always the best.

Originally posted by musicalhog

  • 2. El maravilloso ambiente

There was no time to take the eyes off every scene, every color, every sound, literally. In the land of the living, the colors were relatively balanced, since it is a village, when dusk comes, which illuminates each house in a beautiful orange color. The colorful cemeteries and ofrendas captivated me greatly, for the passion with which we adorn the tombs of our departed is more than a tradition; is a connection that even Death itself can never take away.

Originally posted by musicalhog

  • 3. ¡Música maestro!

My God, I can’t believe Disney has started its own theme with Mariachi music. 

AY, AY, AY!!

That. was. Phenomenal. 

The rest of the film, when I started to hear the voices of each character singing, dancing or even playing guitar, I almost felt like jumping and singing, clapping and dancing. If anything you must be sure, is that when a Mexican hears that kind of music, mariachi, trumpets, violins, the shoe, the drums, gives him an infinite desire to be celebrating forever.

Originally posted by wrlockbane

  • 4. La Chancla

La abuelita threatening everyone with la chancla. 

That’s typical of mexican family. No, seriously. Once my Yaya threw me la chancla voladora when I was little and I was running and they had yelled at me to stop. That could not be missing!

If you have never been threatened with la chancla, or much less have hit you with it, trust me, as a mexican you had no childhood.

Originally posted by auroras-boreales

  • 5. La Llorona

Originally, the song La Llorona is sung by Chavela Vargas. If you have never heard of it, I strongly recommend that you do so. That was totally amazing! 

“Ay, de mí llorona. Llorona, de azul celeste. Ay, de mí llorona. Llorona, de azul celeste…”

“Y aunque me cueste la vida, llorona, no dejaré de quererte. Y aunque me cueste la vida, llorona, no dejaré de quererte…”

Miguel’s great-great-grandmother sang it with such sentiment made me shed tears, because I’ve heard it since I was a little girl. My grandmother sometimes sings it when she’s cooking.

  • 6. Ay, Ernesto, no te rajes

Yes, yes, YES!!!

I actually knew that Ernesto de la Cruz was inspired by Pedro Infante and Jorge Negrete. OH, MY GOD! I love this man so much!

Originally posted by andyjwest

Maybe you can remember Jorge with the song Ay, Jalisco no te rajes! (From the movie The Tree Caballeros) There are other songs that I recommend you to hear. But my favorite has always been that.

Yo soy Mexicano, Mexico Lindo, Ella, Entre suspiro y suspiro, El Abandonado, and more…

  • 7. Alebrijes

Actually, this was a very original idea that I loved. 

Alebrijes are imaginary beings made up of physiognomic elements of different animals, a combination of several animals, not only fantastic but also real.
They’re handicrafts made with the technique of the cartonería, that they are painted with joyful colors and vibrant.

Alebrijes are one of the many wonders of Mexican art and a pride and the hallmark of Oaxaca. Having a alebrije or a collection of them at home is considered good luck and it is said that happiness will accompany anyone who owns one of these works of art. In addition, owning a alebrije is to possess the best of Mexican art, so vast, so colorful, so full of life and a beauty recognized internationally.

  • 8. La Familia es primero

Even though The Book of Life is also another of my favorite movies, something made me even love more Coco than this. 

Family.

Originally posted by disneymusic

It may sound a little… cliché, but for me the family has always been the most important thing. In fact, I quite identified with Miguel’s family. I could see in my own flesh not only my grandmother, but my uncles, my cousins and my other relatives. We don’t live in one house, we live in different places.

Traditionally my grandfathers are doctors, and they wanted my mother to be a doctor, but she preferred to study theater just as my father studied music. And there could be no doubt that her own daughter would also want to be an artist.

When I first went to Europe to visit the Universities, my grandmother, who repudiated the idea of being an artist, came to me one day and said to me: “It’s your life, you decide what you want and what you choose will be always good for me.”

The love of the family is so different and so unique, that to a certain point it made me realize that I do not need love of a couple if I have people that I can always talk to and who can support me too.

  • 9. Recuérdame

This song was definitely the best of the best. Full of feelings, full of dedication, I should applaud the effort for composers, I haven’t had the privilege of hearing it in English, but I think you should also listen to it in Spanish, and I say it because the song sounds infinitely cool. and with the voice of the characters, made my skin prickly and shed more tears.

“Hasta que en mis brazos tú estés… Recuérdame…”

  • 10. Mama Coco

This, without a doubt, is my favorite. The entire character of mama Coco.

She may not appear more than some scenes from the entire film, but she is a very important and very captivating character. The relationship she has with Miguel is very special, an old mind woman and a big-hearted young man, the love of grandparents or great-grandparents is so strong and has no limits…

I have lived with my great-grandparents since I was two years old, and I loved them with all my heart just like them to me.

They are no longer with me…

But that does not mean that I have forgotten them. I remember them every day, every moment, when I least expect it, I sometimes dream about them. Sometimes I ask my grandparents how they were as young people, and I could imagine their lives in black and white films, where they wore dresses and suits.

The times of my great-grandfathers were hard, but were also beautiful, they enjoyed their entire life and were happy. Mama Coco was able to leave the world knowing that her father loved her and sang for the last time. Recuérdame with her great-grandchild.

What a beautiful scene, so simple, so lovely, that speaks for much.

Originally posted by musicalhog

Believe it or not, I loved Coco more than The Book of Life.

But I don’t think there has to be some anger cause somehow they seem to be something in como. For God’s sake, they do NOT seem at all, at least of the plot. 

Is more than obvious that the producers and the cast made a mega effort to make the film an original work, and yes, it is original, cause there were so many unexpected twists, plus that, again, made me cry.

Don’t hate Coco, really, the movie is worth seeing, and it is such a beautiful and so cute way of putting the family theme. 

The Book of Life talked about fear in being yourself: there is nothing wrong of being yourself and always follow your heart, while Coco talks about that it is okay to follow your dreams, but also think about your family, think about something that goes more beyond your expectations, but what you choose will always have the support of your family.

Two films focusing on Mexico, focusing on El Dia de los Muertos, two films that use direct themes, but that somehow made me realize what Life is like.

So, go ahead, Vive tu momento.

Originally posted by musicalhog

Things/Phrases That Make Me Regress:


🐣 Who’s daddy’s cute little (nickname)?

🐣 Do you know how much daddy loves you?

🐣 Don’t let go of Daddy’s hand now, okay?

🐣 Can you show me your stuffies?

🐣 Can Daddy see your poem/drawing/coloring?

🐣 Let Daddy hear that pretty voice of yours.

🐣 Do you want Daddy to (order/get it/ask/tell them/other task) for you?

🐣 Little one (or other nickname), it’s okay. You can (be little/cry/act silly/be small/other thing) around me!

🐣 You’re so cute, little (nickname).

🐣 Pinky promises

🐣 Tickle fights

🐣 Building forts

🐣 Forehead kisses

🐣 Kissing/Holding my hand while driving

🐣 Singing/Rapping along with me or to me

🐣 Counting down to get me to do something before I get in trouble

🐣 Being called nicknames in other languages or special nicknames (feels more important)

🐣 Go get (stuffie name/your stuffie/your paci/your binky/your blankie/other little gear)

🐣 How is my little (nickname) today?

🐣 Do you want to tell Daddy about it?

🐣 *any encouragement for me to try a new food or activity can make me feel little as long as it is followed by praise*

🐣 Letting me step on your feet while we dance

🐣 Letting me cling to/hide behind you in public

🐣 Pulling me close to your side to protect me or keep me warm

🐣 Using your arm to make sure I don’t move too far forward when you brake in the car (I just call this the arm seatbelt thingy)

🐣 Surprises

🐣 Anything fluffy and cute

🐣 New stuff from my wishlist

🐣 Doing normal errands with you and ending it with a fun shopping trip or date


🌈 Please add more if you want to!!! I only used “Daddy” because I have a Daddy but use whatever word or name you like!!! 🌈

🐰~ Little Wishlist · Big Wishlist ~🐰

8

Hey, it’s me. I know that I’ve been gone too long, and I want you to know that it’s not about you and it’s not about our fight. Okay? Something came up, and I will explain it all when I see you. I just… I want you to know that I’m not mad. I’m just sorry… about everything. I don’t want you to get hurt at all. And I don’t wanna lose you. Just make sure you heat up some real food. Not just Eggos. And I want you to eat all the peas, even if they’re mushy and gross. And I will be home soon.

9

Secrets Out {Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3} {Part 4} {Part 5}

Y/n had a weird feeling when she came over and the first thing Jungkook did was give her a look that almost looked pitiful? it confused you to say the least. You worried if you did something? Or something happened? You honestly had no idea. You didn’t say anything about it, you didn’t want to stress Jungkook out more then he already looked stressed, you remembered a couple of the other members giving you looks like that in the past but never at the same time it was always at weird times…. You played around with Tae and Hoseok and all your nerves from Jungkook calmed down a bit. By then you were all called to dinner by Jin, you thanked him for cooking again and happily ate with the members 

You were sitting in front of Jungkook and again he gave you that look now you were worried you always tried to forget it but this was different there was a pit in your stomach. You couldn’t control it this time. When all the members started staring at their phones that pit got deeper. You gave them their space, maybe their manager texted them? Maybe something urgent happened? It didn’t help your worrying though. You didn’t want to overthink this, but you couldn’t help it, are they texting about me? Are they mad at me? Did I do something? The pit in your stomach getting deeper and deeper with every thought that ran through your mind. You peaked over to look at Yoongi’s phone who was sitting next to you. you jumped when he turned his phone over right when you leaned over.

Now you knew. It was about you… you felt like crying they never talked about you behind your back but now you had no idea what was going on. You didn’t want to alarm anyone so you quietly ate your food while everyone’s heads turned up as if nothing was happening. You felt the stares of some of them…. You honestly wanted to run out of that door, cry? Throw up? You didn’t know you just wanted to leave but you didn’t want to cause a scene you pretended everything was ok. Even suggested a sad movie so you could cry without anyone wondering why. Your anxiety was running wild thinking the worst of the worst.

During the movie, you felt Namjoons eyes never leave you. you wanted to cry so bad, your mind making up the worst scenarios, maybe they didn’t want to be your friend anymore? Maybe they were thinking of leaving you? you knew better then to question your best friends but how could you not? Your anxiety getting the best of you at moments like these weren’t unusual. You ran to their bathroom and cried. You didn’t want to but you didn’t want to cry in front of them. All you heard was gentle knocking on the bathroom door after you locked it. “y/n? are you ok? Please tell me you’re ok” it was Jungkook’s voice. You couldn’t say anything he seemed to know you were crying but you hoped maybe he wouldn’t. you couldn’t face them you took the random cap you saw on the door handle said goodbye to the rest of the members that were awake and walked out of the bathroom out of their front door.

A/N: so like i tried?? lmao i thought about making this a series ya know angsty maybe fluffy idk yet. tell me what y'all think! i tried making this atleast a bit angsty but i suck at writing angst so idk lol. hope you liked it? Pt. 2??

Why Dungeons and Dragons will Help your Novel

Alright guys so lets be real, raise your hand if you’ve ever played DnD? Now put it down. Ok, now raise your hand if you write and want to be published one day? See? Waaayyyy more of you are here. “But what does DnD have to do with my writing career?” you ask? Well my friend, DnD is a great writing tool that I think is completely underused in the writing community. This is especially true regarding ~helping~ underdeveloped characters and worlds. 

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I think a big part of how I see the world is that -

In college I was sick. In particular I was anorexic, and I nearly starved myself to death. I never accomplished anything, made commitments I couldn’t keep, lost track of time, and struggled with the most basic life tasks. I was anxious (mostly because I correctly knew that everything was going horribly) and lazy (because I could not possibly do enough things to matter, and doing things was hard and hurt) and unreliable and terrible. I ended up owing people a lot of money (I have since paid them all back) and failing at things that were really important to me and to other people.

And now I am in a good environment for me. I live with people who I can be reasonably assured don’t hate me and will tell me when they need me to do things differently, and I am no longer anxious. My work has clear expectations and is bite-sized and doesn’t pile up on me, and I reliably deliver it and do a good job. I have enough money I don’t have to deal with the mental overhead of deciding whether to buy the food I want, and I spend that mental overhead on better things. I am still messy and I am still bad at getting places on time, but I’m never late on rent. I am mostly a productive, honest, trustworthy, reliable person and I’m getting better at those things. I have friends and kiss girls (and the occasional boy) and I make a positive difference in peoples’ lives.

Some of the difference was immaturity and lack of skills; much of the difference is that I had starved my brain until it stopped functioning; much of the difference was that I was in an environment that was not shaped to my strengths. But living through it gave me this powerful sense that the difference between a “lazy” person and a “successful” person, between a reliable person and an unreliable person, between a “good” person and a “bad” person, is a lot about whether they are in an environment shaped to their strengths. That almost everybody will be great in the right environment and really really struggle in a bad one. And some people have never ever encountered a bad one and think they’re just inherently great; and some people have never encountered a good one, and think they’re just inherently miserable and hard to get along with and unreliable and untrustworthy.

I absolutely think people are still accountable for the things they do in bad environments. I’ve worked really hard to fix the things I fucked up at when I was sick, and I don’t mean “it’s all the environment” to mean “it’s not you”. Just - the same you who was miserable and did bad things will be happy and do good things, in better circumstances, and lots of the human project is building those circumstances. 

I don’t know how to give everyone an environment in which they’ll thrive. It’s probably absurdly hard, in lots of cases it is, in practical terms, impossible. But I basically always feel like it’s the point, and that anything else is missing the point. There are people whose brains are permanently-given-our-current-capabilities stuck functioning the way my brain functioned when I was very sick. And I encounter, sometimes, “individual responsibility” people who say “lazy, unproductive, unreliable people who choose not to work choose their circumstances; if they go to bed hungry then, yes, they deserve to be hungry; what else could ‘deserve’ possibly mean?” They don’t think they’re talking to me; I have a six-figure tech job and do it well and save for retirement and pay my bills, just like them. But I did not deserve to be hungry when I was sick, either, and I would not deserve to be hungry if I’d never gotten better.

What else could ‘deserve’ possibly mean? When I use it, I am pointing at the ‘give everyone an environment in which they’ll thrive’ thing. People with terminal cancer deserve a cure even though right now we don’t have one; deserving isn’t a claim about what we have, but about what we would want to give out if we had it. And so, to me, horrible people who abuse others all the time deserve an environment in which they would thrive and not be able to abuse others, even if we can’t provide one and don’t even have any idea what it would look like and sensibly are prioritizing other people who don’t abuse others. If you have experiences, you deserve good experiences; if you have feelings, you deserve happy feelings; if you want to be loved, you are worthy of love. You flourishing is a moral good; everybody flourishing is in fact the only moral good, the entire thing morality is for. Your actions should have consequences, sure, and we should figure out how to build a world where those consequences are ones that you can handle, and where you can amend the things that you do wrong. When you hurt people, that can change what “you thriving” looks like, because part of thriving is fixing, and growing from, things you have done wrong; but nothing you do can change that it is good for you to thrive.

I reject that I ever deserved to starve, and so I reject that anyone, ever, deserves to starve. I reject that I ever deserved to suffer, and so I reject that anyone, ever, deserves to suffer. Happiness is good. Your happiness is good. And without a single exception anywhere I want you to thrive.

8

Hey, it’s me. I know that I’ve been gone too long, and I want you to know that it’s not about you and it’s not about our fight. Okay? Something came up, and I will explain it all when I see you. I just, I want you to know that I’m not mad. I’m just sorry. About everything. I don’t want you to get hurt at all. And I don’t wanna lose you. Just make sure you heat up some real food. Not just Eggos. And I want you to eat all the peas, even if they’re mushy and gross. And I will be home soon.

8

Hey, it’s me. I know that I’ve been gone too long, and I want you to know that it’s not about you and it’s not about our fight, okay? Something came up, and I will explain it all when I see you. I just…I want you to know that I’m not mad. I’m just sorry…about everything. I don’t want you to get hurt at all. And I don’t wanna lose you. Just make sure you heat up some real food. Not just Eggos. And I want you to eat all the peas, even if they’re mushy and gross. And I will be home soon.