Today I went out to eat with some new friends. At first I was so excited and feeling like, girl you got this. And then I checked in with myself and noticed some apprehension. They I sat down to eat and I got nervous.
I immediately took noticed of how much food was on everyone’s plate. I also panicked when I saw that everyone finished before me.
And I wanted to put a napkin over the rest of what was left on my plate, to signal to myself that I no longer “have” to eat. And I also to signal to people that I finished.
But I ate every last bite at that table with three other people present. I leaned on them for support and I enjoyed myself.
I was absolutely unaware of what I was eating, I was not in the present moment. I was present for the experience and conversation but not of what I was eating.
And you know, I just realized, this was my first restaurant outing with friends since I’ve been out of treatment! I am so fucking proud of myself!
Enjoy recovery guys; there are lot’s of downs but these victories are worth it!