this is me when i get bored

Alicia is P.O.T.U.S - Eric Bittle

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

President’s son such a snore VP’s daughter reaches for bottom shelf bore-deaux? (Rookie Rag)

_/ * \_

His phone buzzes constantly from Camilla.

[Cammy] Told you they’d call me out for drinking cheap wine

[Jack] They called me a bore too

[Cammy] Pfft, you’re hot you don’t need to be interesting.

[Jack] Thanks…

[Cammy] You’re not boring

[Jack] Getting a little deep in there eh?

[Cammy] It’s a waste of a pun that’s all I’m saying.

[Cammy] *Heart emoji* Love you.

Georgia is the first face he sees when he opens the door to the dining room so he doesn’t temper his smile in time to see his mother step in front of her with her own stately one.

“Sweetheart.” She sounds bright, maternal yet still presidential, but there’s a tautness around her eyes that betrays her uncertainty.  It makes him feel guilty, and then annoyed that she’s trying to guilt trip him when he did nothing wrong.  He lets her press a kiss to his cheek for appearances even though Georgia couldn’t manage the president’s son without knowing some of the uglier sides of their relationship.

“Hi mom.”

“How was the shelter?”

“Crowded.” He steps past the door and spots him.  A lean, compact blonde man with a phone gripped tightly in one hand and a smile so radiant Jack fights the urge to squint.  “Erm, hello.”

The man walks forward hand eagerly outstretched and Jack’s eyes snag on- is that bowtie? “Mr Zimmermann,” he drawls, “it’s a pleasure to meet you.  I’m Eric Bittle.”

“Jack, Eric is the newest member of our social media team.” His mother says.

Shitty, or rather Nurse, wasn’t kidding about this guy.  He’s handsome, possibly devastatingly so.  Jack shakes his hand.  His grip is strong, his eyes are round and brown and warm and Jack feels a spark as their palms slide together that he dismisses as static.

“Jack.” He replies.

“I know.” Eric says with a wry smile and a wink.

Jack feels the room heat up. Eric clears his throat delicately and breaks their clasp.

“Eric will be helping out with your social media accounts.” Georgia doesn’t even try not to look like she’s having a blast with this.

“No choice in this either huh?” Jack says in a tone just jovial enough that nobody present yesterday would recognise the snide remark for what it is.

Georgia interjects before he can get into an ill advised public sniping match with his mother. “Come on Jack.  We talked about this.  You need a social media presence.”

‘Uhhh’ his brain groans.

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anonymous asked:

go ahead and cry little girl... nobody does it like you do, i know how much it matters to you; i know that you got daddy issues and if you were my little girl i'd do whatever i could do, i'd run away and hide with you

Oh shit is this an emo lyric off, aight check this shit
My momma left me I was young, she said son you ain’t shit get the fuck up of my dick I kicked and screamed and faded away, I ran into the shower and cut my pains away, as I grew older my list grew longer, jumpin out the window was just common practice I act this way till I fade away to the darkness that consumes me every day, I know I’m shit I know I’m dark but you won’t laugh no more when I gotta 12 guage bore pressed against ya forehead, imma fucken emo and I’ll cut some more if I get called a lil faggot one more time I’ll take to Tumblr and follow my brethren posting lyrics and pics of attention seeking scars fuck drinking in bars when there’s fuel in the cars that’ll put me in the sleep that I’ve been waiting for.

When you plan on quoting pink guy or some shit but end up making your own emo lyrics Welp guess I’ll go hang myself cus that shit is fucken trash dude.

fellow gillian gilbert enthusiast @gayusoctgayvius tagged me in a thing, so here we are:

- name: mia
- nickname: prongs (apparently i’m like james potter??) and that’s it. when you have a short boring name like mia you don’t really get many
- gender: female
- height: 175cm
- ethnicity: mixed (½ white ½ asian)
- favourite fictional character: uhhhhh this changes all the time so i’ll say elim garak or jonathan creek

- favourite fruits: grapes!!! i heckin love grapes
- favourite season: like you said jocelin they all suck
- favourite book series: poirot i guess,,, i’ve been reading more stand alone books lately
- favourite flower: roses & carnations
- favourite scent: bakeries
- favourite colour: mint green or dark red
- favourite animal: not really an animal person whoops
- coffee/tea/cocoa: cocoa
- cat or dog person: dogs for sure
- number of blankets: 2 always
- dream trip: athens georgia!!!! like the r.e.m. trash that i am!!!!

- star sign: gemini
- time: i’m in england atm so it’s 5:04pm
- birthday: 12th June

- favourite bands: r.e.m., blur, split enz, xtc, genesis and a bunch of american indie bands from the 80s
- favourite solo artists: nick drake (i’m more of a band person too)
- the song stuck in my head: steppin’ out by joe jackson
- last movie i watched: i have no clue i’m not really one for movies
- last show i watched: pointless (quiz shows are a big staple @ my grandparents house)

- when did i create my blog: nearly 2 years ago
- what do i post: mainly music, the odd youtuber or star trek post
- do you have any other blogs: hit up @country-salad-ballad-man where i yell abt graham coxon on the regular. and i also co-run @newwaversclub for all your new wave music needs
- do you get asks: sometimes
- why did you choose your url: this dude was pretty cool
- following: too many and my dash is real cluttered (like,,, over 1000,,)
- followers: 1,069
- average hours of sleep: idk man the time zones have fucked it up
- lucky number: 8 & 12
- any instruments: guitar, soprano & baritone ukulele, banjolele & a bit of low quality piano
- what am i wearing: genesis shirt, black skirt & stockings
- dream job: guitarist in successful power pop/college rock band
- favourite food: mac n’ cheese, various cakes
- nationality: australian
- favourite song right now: ‘girlfriend’ by matthew sweet is a fuckin BOP

ummmm i’ll tag @sparkle-o @the-beat-girl and @suckmycoxon if you’d like to????

Tungsten Memoirs

Straight from the lampshade
A separation after too much use
To too little use
There be it, which was constant, bore only flickers
Till only a dark room was left
This was a good place for sleep, don’t get me wrong
It’s just that didn’t matter when you stay awake
Alone with your thoughts
Not by consent
So there I was once in the sun
As the brimming day tried for justifications of evil
Excuses for poor behavior and happenings
“but you can still stay here.”
Your scorching UVs are merely just displaying
All these unanswered questions
To lies and half-truths
To showing that you are a fading god among the world
As the years will come
As you neglect that all for your own personal gain
Which, even though you can’t see from your dark side
Is all but losses and slow transition
Into a burnt-out star
There is things I COULD do
However, you must see this for yourself
You can’t just shine everywhere but your own place
Your solar flares will scorch everything in your vision
That death is a lonely one
Until you get that, understand the glow
I need to stay inside
Because right now, I’m waiting for Winter
Just so you can be less intense
So there I was once with the lamp
The bulb finally went out and I’m just here
Wondering if there is any reason to get a replacement
Because if I really wanted light
I’d just go outside
I’m sure that I’m fading
but at the very least I can make an effort
Do the things I want and think I should
With others and talk about their electrical issues
Before I flicker out into space

Hello yes my heart is ready to be taken

so uh

Hey all! I’m sure you’ve heard of this new webcomic called 17776, as it’s been spreading around like a wildfire due to its Homestuck-reminiscent style and tone thus far, and that’s what i’m here to talk about today. 

More specifically, I’m here to talk about Nancy McGunnel.

Nancy McGunnel is introduced to us readers in the first chapter of 17776, when we first begin following the football game # 3887. She is introduced via a small group of reporters who are trying to follow the game and talk to each other about (relatively) recent events, getting us readers used to the setting, and we witness Nancy running full-tilt, football in hand, into a tornado and up into the air as a tactical play in the game. Before she actually goes up into the tornado, though, the webpage hands us some of her game stats. 

This stat board tells us her height, weight, etc., and goes on to tell us she started playing in 16003 for Milwaukee, and from then to 16016 she does rather well before retiring for 1744 years to help her daughter run a general store. In 17760, she un-retires to rejoin ‘country football’ and now plays for Wyoming, and she doesn’t appear to be playing as well as she had for Milwaukee. 

The next page, Pioneer 10 explains to Pioneer 9 that on April 7th, 2026, the human population count utterly stagnated - people stopped being born, dying, and aging. This tells us that everyone on Earth, barring probably new scars, lost limbs, weight loss/gain, change in muscle mass, and other such forced physical change, is exactly as they were the day of April 7th, 2026. People in the prime of their life still are now, people in the range of having “midlife crises” , people who were babies at the time still are(which raises one heck of a question about mental aging that I’m not getting into today), et cetera.

The aforementioned stat board also tells us that Nancy was born 5/2/1953. Since this in-story info is based in America, land of silly nonsense and stubborn asshats like myself, we can probably assume that America has not changed its ways in how it treats dates, and thus 5/2/1953 means May 2nd, 1953. (I realize this is semantics, but hey, in for a dime, in for a dollar.)

Nancy is nearly seventy-three years old. 

I’ll say it again: Nancy is nearly seventy-three years old. 

Now, knowing this information, go back to where we read the stat board, and imagine. Imagine this elderly woman, truckin’ it toward the goal line. Imagine her making all of those attempts, probably regularly getting into legendary dogpiles, to get the ball, or to keep it. Imagine her squirreling it away from her shocked opponents, dumbfounded that a lady her age had just snatched victory from the tips of their fingers and is now running across the country to make her hundredth touchdown. Imagine it when we witness her hoofing it, beaten-up and abused football clutched in her wrinkled hands, straight toward a tornado that has clearly already picked up some person’s house and  is flinging it in circles and will have absolutely no problem doing the same to her.

But Nancy doesn’t care. Why would she? She’s not gonna die, and she has glory to re-attain from having lost it since her last game!

Nancy don’t care; Nancy’s got a game to win.

“Dad, just out of curiosity…”

“Yeah, sweet pea?”

“How exactly did you learn to braid?”

“Oh! Well, back when me and your mom were dating—since she has a long beautiful hair—out of nowhere one day, she challenged me to braid her hair. She probably was bored of using her wand to braid her hair all the time so for a change she decided ‘Oh why don’t I just ask Marco to do it?’ and I was like ‘Well, sure why not? Challenge accepted!’ It took me almost a week to get it right and neatly done. But when I did, it was worth it because she was totally happy with what I’ve done so ever since then she just lets me braid her hair whenever she wants me to and I didn’t mind at all because I started to really like doing it over time.

So now I get to do the same for yours.”

@gravityfying this is how I basically imagined the story behind the braid skills of Marco Diaz

If We Were A Movie | Jimin (M)

Originally posted by sonyeondan

Summary: Friends with benefits never worked in the movies, but you and Jimin had been friends for so long, it was bound to work for you. Until, of course, Jimin gets a girlfriend, and you fear you may lose your friendship with him for good.

Word Count: 14.2k (give my noveL A CHANCE)

Genre: smut/fluff/a touch of angst; fwb!Jimin

A/N: I really have no excuse for this. It’s just a ton of smutty filth with Park Jimin

You were already more than halfway to Jimin’s house by the time you sent a text to tell him you were on your way, but you knew full well he would already be there. You’d seen him leave practice a few minutes before you, and he hadn’t been with the rest of your friends, so when you got a quick response, you weren’t surprised that he was expecting you.

Entering through the back had become a pastime by now, even though his front door was just as easy for you to get to. It reminded you of the first few times you’d done this, when you’d worried about his parents catching you. But now, in the beginning of your last year of high school, Jimin had already moved out, and you only had to worry about his roommates.

Twisting your key through the lock, you drop your book bag and gym bag onto the floor in the kitchen near his, barely remembering to close the door before you were searching for him. He wasn’t difficult to find, though, considering it was a Friday afternoon and he’d just finished a three-hour practice, he was sitting on the couch, video game controller in hand as he played some combat game you couldn’t care less about. When he spots you walking through the doorway, he grins and tosses the controller onto the floor, leaning back against the couch.

“Hello, Y/N.”


You don’t waste any time in climbing onto his lap, your legs on either side of his waist as you quickly yank off the battered t-shirt he was wearing. Jimin’s hands fall to your hips, and he hums as you run your hands along his toned skin. He was still a little sweaty from practice and you grimace, but it doesn’t stop you from letting your fingers touch all over his chest.

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Guys My Age (3)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 4k

Warnings: Lap dance to rough Smut. NSFW gifs.

Anon asked “Can you please do a part 3 to ‘guys my age’ were Bucky asks reader for another lap dance”

A/N: The fic that started it all. I’m so glad people liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know if you want to be tagged. Also, dominant/jealous Bucky is just wow. Let me know if you want to be tagged HERE or HERE. Go away kids! And please use protection y’all.

Part 1 Part 2

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Mystic Messenger : Prologue ~ V Walkthrough (FULL ANSWERS)

I worked all alone - I cheked each answers ~ Please be considerate.

Like, reblog, or do nothing, but please don’t copy/paste it and claim it as your own… I am on my own and spent a lot of time to do this.

If you are on phone, please setting the page to be seen in the computer version! On the phone, the answers are sometimes unaligned and it can confuse you…

In order to not bother and annoy my followers who don’t play this game by this looong post, I’ll put a seperate line. Click to see.

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anonymous asked:

how would each member of BTS react to you talking dirty in spanish to them? Thank you, you're awesome!

thank you mi amor ily 

YALL IM busy wand i wanna have time to do all of yalls requests so i didn’t end up writing about every member im so sorry but please specify what members you want me to write about like pick 3 please otherwise it takes so long!! anyways hope i wrote about YOUR fave and enjoy;)


Originally posted by hobies

His eyes were set on the TV, fully concentrated and laughing at the punchlines. You didn’t even like this show and was now officially bored. 

Hoseooook,” you whine and try pulling him by his arm. He let’s you, but doesn’t remove his eyes from the TV. “I need to get up early tomorrow, you can watch this later. Give me attention.” 

You pout but it doesn’t help because once again he’s not even looking at you. This makes you decide to climb onto his lap and he grunts uncomfortably when you accidentally hurt his elbow. 

“Please let me just finish the show,” he says a bit annoyed. 

You hand moves it’s way to the nape of his neck and scratches his scalp, making him shiver. You kneed softly on his tense shoulders and he sighs. Hoseok tries to ignore the way his body is reacting, but his mouth falls open in relaxation from having your hands on and around his neck, massaging and scratching. 

Mi amor,” you purr in his ear and you feel him tense underneath you.

“Don’t do this,” he finally looks into your eyes and you can tell there’s lust building up inside him. You smirk at his reaction.

Quiero sentarme en tu cara,” you whisper into his ear and this pushes him over the edge because he knows exactly what that means. It’s a well known phrase to his ears and now he’s really fucking turned on. He licks into your mouth and moans into it as you roll your hips on him again. 

Fuck you,” he whispers against your lips, annoyed that you won.

“Yes please!”


Originally posted by nnochu

His big hands are palming your ass and pressing you down on his hard-on. His legs are spread widely with you on top of him as your lips suck on his tongue. Your hands are playing with the locks of his hair and he moans when you bite his lip and roll your hips. He tilts his head and you follow, you two kissing intently letting your tongues meet. His hands slide under your tank top and caress your sides and warm stomach. 

Doing laundry can get pretty boring, so here you were in the local laundry machine place at 11 at night, getting hot and heavy on the couch while waiting for your laundry to finish. 

“Y/N, you can’t keep grinding on my dick like this, we can’t have sex here.” he protests between kisses. You just grind harder and he groans. “Seriously someone can walk in here,” he says breathlessly. 

Por favor,” you beg him and you can feel the hairs on his neck standing from you speaking like that to him.“Papi, por favor,” you pant and lick on his ear. A moan escapes his lips as you grind on his aching cock again. He grabs your wrist and pulls away from your kiss for the first time since you got to it. The look in his eyes is filled with desire and almost intimidating. 

“Call me that again,” he stutters, having a hard time breathing normally because he is so turned on. 

“Only if you fuck me - right here, right now,” 


Originally posted by yoonmin

You read the text again as you walked up the stairs. Yoongi had texted you that he needed your help with a song. One part of you was scared he’d ask you to sing which you really didn’t consider your strong side. On the other hand maybe he just needed a fresh couple of ears for a new perspective of the song. 

Yoongi is waiting for you in the opening of the door when you get to the studio hallways. It’s a secluded and soundproof room with a small window, about as big as a closet. He’s smiling but you can see in his eyes that he’s tired. He kisses you lightly and says hi. You notices he smells good. He sits down on the office-chair and motions for you to sit on his lap. You do and he rests his head on your shoulder and starts clicking around on his two computer screens with like a thousand tabs open. 

“Listen to this,” he says and presses play. There’s a chorus that sounds familiar to your ears as he’s been working on this for a while and you wait for the third verse which usually is his, but it’s instrumental. “I was thinking of putting in a verse in Spanish here, or at least a phrase.” 

You Ooh loudly to the idea and he smiles. “That would be sexy wouldn’t it! Anyways I need you and your Spanish speaking tongue.” he says and takes out his notes. 

“Yeah I can translate for you, but what do you want to say? What is the song about?” you ask. 

He pulls up the lyrics for you and you read trough them quickly. He presses record to be able to listen back at what you’re saying so he can  practice pronunciation. You nod. “I want the verse to be about lusting for someone.” he explains and you think of what to say. 

“You could say, me duele el corazon no tenerte aqui, nadamas quiero besarte.” 

You can see Yoongi’s face reflect in the screen of the computer and the way he bites his lip. 

“You’re so sexy when you speak Spanish.” he laughs. “What does that mean?” 

“It means my heart hurts not to have you here, I just want to kiss you.

He writes it down and you continue.

Ya no puedo seguir asi, tengo que saber como te sabes.

You can tell it’s affecting him when you speak to him in Spanish since he’s breathing heavily now. 

“What does that mean,” he pants against your neck and plants a light kiss. 

“I can’t go on like this, I need to know what you taste like.” 

Yoongi mutters a fuck and kisses your neck again and his arms around your waist tighten. Feeling his lips on your neck felt so good, and so did being in control like this. 

Quiero que me cogas ensima de la mesa,” you say as you grind on his crotch which makes a moan escape his lips. “Duro.” 

“W-What does that mean,” he choked on his own words cause you’re grinding on his hardening dick by now. 

“I want you to fuck me on this table,” you say and smile as you feel his dick twitching underneath you. “Hard.” 

“How do you say ‘go lock the fucking door’ in Spanish?”


Originally posted by yoonseok

Namjoon is the type to love getting called daddy, papi or just have you scream or moan his name. If he would be intensely hitting it from the back and you’d moan in Spanish that would probably drive him crazy. I feel like he’s the type to ask you to talk dirty to him like that. First time you ever did, you didn’t even think about it. He was sucking on your nipples and circling his fingers around your clit, teasing you all spread out on the bed. You felt so good but wanted more, and it just slipped out in Spanish. 

Por favor damelo,” 

You immediately laughed at the fact that you just spoke a language this man didn’t know and you thought he probably got very confused. Interrupting your thought, he shoved two fingers inside you, making you choke on your own laughter with a deep moan. 

“I don’t know what you just said but it makes me want to fuck you so badly baby,” he whispered and licked around your clit. So he likes it, you think. Your eyes roll back and your toes curl up as he starts going faster pumping his fingers inside you.

Ay papi,” Namjoon growls against your pussy. “-tocame alli,” you moan and so does he, humming against your clit. His cock aches from the way the words roll off your tongue. 


Originally posted by jiminarmy

“You should teach me Spanish!” Taehyung says as he slumps down besides you on the bed and gets comfy. You look at him and wonder where this idea came from.


“So that I can talk to your family properly, earn some good boyfriend-points.” he says. “And tell you how sexy you look, - in Spanish.” Tae wiggles his eyebrows. You slap his chest lightly as you laugh.

“But how would you know if I lie? You know, tell you this is how you say ‘have a nice day’ but in reality it’s ‘I want to fuck you’.” you give him a challenging look and he smiles, showing his teeth.

Noooo, my baby doesn’t know naughty words like that.” He cups your innocent looking face and laughs in a square shaped smile. You roll your eyes and shove his hands away from your face. 

Quiero cogerte,” you say slowly, looking into his eyes and blushing at the fact that you’re saying I want to fuck you out loud. You cringe at yourself but at the same time feel a little turned on. 

Taehyung squints at you, “You could be saying anything in Spanish and it would sound sexy. You could’ve just said I love cucumber.” 

You laugh and shake your head, already blushing and praying to God for forgiveness for what you’re about to say. 

Quiero chuparte hasta que vengas en mi boca.” 

Taehyung doesn’t laugh or squint because your voice is dripping of lust. He can tell from your voice dropping an octave and the look in your eyes that what you just said was filthy. 

“What does it mean?” he said out of breath, his Adams apple bobbing. 

You lean forward to kiss him and he hungrily responds with opening his wet mouth. Slowly you trail your hand towards his crotch, making your way inside his pants and boxer briefs. He whines when you squeeze his dick and you feel it growing in your hand. His hands grab on your waist and caress the warm skin and Taehyung feels like his insides are twisting. You bite his lip and palm his growing erection. To access his neck for leaving possessive marks you pull his hair harshly and start to lick down his jaw, making him hiss.

He pants your name and asks once again what it meant.

“Let me show you instead,” you say and sink to your knees between his legs, spreading them wide with your palms on the inner side of his thighs.  

“You should be grateful you’re receiving a good education - a lot of teenagers in poorer countries would LOVE to be in your shoes!!”

Okay but here’s the thing. I appreciate the fact that I’m getting an education. I acknowledge that some of the stuff we learn in school is necessary to, if nothing else, not sound stupid in daily conversations with our peers. When I say I hate school, I don’t mean the education part of it (although that can be and often is boring). No, I mean I hate OTHER aspects of school.

I hate the stress that comes merely from being in that environment - getting all of your homework done, remembering tests, reaching your classes in time, to name a few.

I hate the social interactions that leave me utterly drained at the end of the day, whether it’s a simple hello or dealing with the rejection of being ignored in a group conversation.

I hate the way my free time is forcibly sacrificed to mandatory homework and “optional” studying (that’s actually necessary if you want to pass the class), free time in which I could have used to better myself or even just relax - which is very important for your mental health.

I hate the late nights spent desperately trying to catch up on work, review notecards, or simply stressing about upcoming projects and tests.

I hate the dread in the pit of my stomach when I know I’ll have to interact with someone who I dislike or dislikes me, or when I’ll have to present a project to the entire class.

When I say I hate school, I don’t mean I hate education. I mean I hate SCHOOL.


Ok I’m bored so ima tell y’all a wild ass story that happened to me first semester of my college experience; the story of when I got laced by a wild thot with some CRACK. Let’s get into the tea gorls

So I went to art school for communications design. I dont go there no more because it was hella racist, but a different story for a different day. The campus I went to was way up north, in Utica. Never heard of it? Didn’t think you would. Just imagine if the worst neighborhood in Detroit was an entire town with like no people and cows. I don’t know about y’all but at my school we had this thing called late night where we get snacks and shit in the cafeteria after dinner. I was one of 6 black boys in my entire school so it was always dry. So this particular late night I had got a pink wig and started fucking around and giving these crackers some life to entertain myself. My extra ass being who I was did stand-up for the entire night. Since it was early in the school year tho I aint really have no solid friends, so the people who I was gonna go smoke with finished their food and left me like some fucking snakes. When I was done I was deep in my feelings lol because bitch… gon spark up…..without me???

I was like “y’know what idgaf, I don’t need you niggas” because I’m likable, right? I could talk to anyone I wanted and make friends. That’s what my dumb ass thought even though I knew damn well these all were some back woods ass white people from Cousin Fucker Nowhere. So I’m standing in front of the dorms like “ok, if I was a white person who loved giving free weed to negroes, what would I look like?” and as though Satan himself heard me, this girl wearing dem Jerusalem B.Cs (you know what I’m talmbout) and a bright jacket that had to be from the thrift store because it smelled like pickled dick and horse radish extract walked past. I was like DING DING DING, gotcha Becky!! So I was like “omg hi sis, I always see you in class and I think your style is so cool blah blah” and all that fake shit. Naturally Linda felt gassed af and immediately offered to let me smoke with her. Yeah, yah boi got it like that.

But mama ain’t raise no fool and I seent Get Out so I don’t go nowhere with a white person without at least one other poc with me. So this couple I’m good friends with now was walking out of the dorms, we just gon call them Peanut & Jelly. They were quiet and both shy people so they didnt hang out much yet. They were also native and latino which was good enough for me so my loud ass was like “Aye, y’all smoke??” it’s 2017 so of course they smoke and I invite them to come smoke some of Margret’s weed. Consider it reparations. Since they ain’t have no friends they were happy to come join us. Smh y’all if you see this I’m so sorry I got y’all into this lmao. Anyway Trisha was like “Super duper the more the merrier, let’s go :))” with her wild ass. But I remembered I still had some of my own weed left so we ran to my room and got it, but I ain’t have no bag to carry it in. So Ingrid said “Oh, I have a bag you can put it in” and pulled out this ashy ass ziploc bag. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE. But my clueless ass thought she just had some plaster or some shit in there before since we went to an art school. Smdh.

Originally posted by ihiphop

Shortly before we depart Peanut and I are getting everything together and making sure there’s no smell. While this is happening Jelly watches Rebecca spread some “dust” on her gums. RED FLAG NUMBER TWO. This nigga thought it was candy dust or something. No one in this equation is particularly bright. But anywhore, we started making moves to this parking lot/roof that we usually hung out at. I was hoping my friends fake asses would be there so I could ditch Jill’s ass. Peanut & Jelly I ain’t mind because they were cool once you got them to talk. I could tell they weren’t feelin Harriet tho lol and tbh neither was I but would your ass turn down a completely free spark up??? Didn’t think so. We get to the roof finally and I start checking my jacket to find I forgot my mini bong in my room. So Elizabeth is like “Oooh awesome we can smoke out of my pipe!” and I’m like lol you bougie ass bitch just call it a bowl. But my fake ass just said “Litty gorl, load that shit up!” thats exactly what I get. She starts loading her “pipe” up and I notice both my weed and hers lookin a lil ashy. AND THATS RED FLAG NUMBER THREE

It’s like 11 at night tho and we only had street lights so I didn’t wanna call Susan out and end up lookin a fool if it was nothing. So I just let her do her thing and pull out my lighter so we can make it do what it do ya feel? So we smokin and I’m having a pretty good time. I feel proud of myself and shit for scamming little Mary Ellen and getting a full spark up after my niggas rolled out on me. I’m like “haha bitch you did that and you high as fuck”. Me being the funny nigga I am in my head, I make myself laugh. Then I realize for someone who smokes pretty regularly and only had two hits, I was already shmizzed for some reason. I look over at Peanut & Jelly and both them niggas lookin like

“Already??? Huh, that’s weird”, young nigga Kam thought to himself. But once again it was free weed so I shut my Nancy Drew ass up and let it go. Debra passes the “pipe” to me and I hit it harder this time because I ain’t pay for it so ima get mines. Because I hit it so hard I kinda taste it and bitch, that shit tasted like Mary J. Bliges leather boots and plastic. So I’m like “yo Amanda, what’s good with your bowl the weed taste weird?” And it ain’t like weed has a particularly good taste but I know it damn sure don’t taste like that. Emily proceeds to say “I don’t think anything’s wrong with the weed, might be the other stuff tho” As soon as she said that shady shit Peanut and I’s heads snapped to look at her like “Bitch….what other stuff??”

Jelly at this point is checked the fuck out, like this nigga is walking through space or some shit. That might just be him tho cause that nigga always acts weird when he high smh. That ain’t the point tho. This raggedy Ann ass hoe starts giggling and laughing like someone said something fuckin funny. I’m sitting there confused and high as shit still got the fucking pink wig on, Peanut got her ass riled up and with good reason because we both know we just asked ole girl a question. So Peanut says one more gain “Did you put some shit in the fucking weed?”. By now I think Amber realizes the joke is nay and she’s close to getting stomped out. Here comes the climax of the story y’all. This bitch gon roll her eyes like we being extra and say “lol it’s fine, we just smoked out of my crack pipe and I haven’t cleaned it yet” When I tell you the entire world went silent, I heard SZA wheezing into her microphone miles away. My ass, Peanut ass, and even Jelly incapacitated ass was all like


Jelly just started laughing like he just heard the funniest thing ever in his whole life. Peanut was staring at Tina like she was preparing her alibi for the police when they find that lil girl’s body. And me, you ask? I was just thinkin bout my girl Whitney. Like sis, is this how it started for you? I was looking at Rachel all hurt. Et tu Becky? All a nigga wanted was some weed and now my ass sitting on a roof high off crack. Suddenly time returns to normal and the only thing my faded ass can muster is a “Pardon me???” Helen continues to chuckle like she Tiffany Haddish up in this bitch and tells us that she smokes crack and weed out of that bowl sometimes, and that we had placed the collective weed in her coke bag. Jelly stupid ass still in the corner laughing to keep from crying because I knew that baby voiced nigga was scared. I’m so astounded at this point that I can’t even drag this wild ass bitch. Peanut however, is not me. Lort I never seen anyone but my momma yolk somebody up so fast! She smooth slid across that asphalt like

Grabbed Ellie, and said “BITCH HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?? ARE YOU SERIOUS??” and started shaking that bitch like she was tryna give her shaken baby syndrome. Jelly managed to get himself together enough to try and keep his girl from going to jail. What was I doing? Well I knew I had a choice, I could help Peanut throw Taylor off the roof, or I could help Jelly keep our good sis from catchin a charge. So I chose the smartest option. MY ASS STARTED TO HIT FOOT.

That shit wasn’t none of my business no more!! Bitch the link up is over! The deck is DONE. I could already hear my momma belt whoopin my crack head ass in my mind, no thank you ma’am! My black ass was done for the night. As I’m running back towards campus I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around to find Jelly running behind me, dragging Peanut along by the hand. Chloe however, is nowhere to be found. I ain’t stop running tho. Was it fear, was it anger, was it the adrenaline pushing me to run? Nah I was on crack so it was prolly that lol. We run until we’re two blocks away from campus and I’m finally too tired to run, which surprised me because I always assumed crackheads were just like the enegizer bunny. So we’re catching our breath and I’m tryna keep from falling over because I feel hella whoozy, but I manage to ask “What happened to Bobby?” Peanut proceeds to tell me she took one good fist, and dropped Katy like a bad habit. I was proud of sis too because she’s twig thin and I thought she was meek af. We start walking back to the dorms and all 3 of us are just silent. Ain’t nobody got shit to say bitch we on crack. Peanut and I lived 2 doors down from each other so they go in her room and I go in mine after we say our good nights. I go in my room and my roommate is there with his boyfriend. Immediately my roommate is like “lol you’re high af” and my overly trusting ass gon tell him “This girl laced the weed with crack”. This cracker ass bitch gon look at me and say “oh really…..are you ok?” like I just got into a small argument. Like nigga….I GOT LACED WITH CRACK DO I LOOK OK???

So I sit down and start watching videos on my laptop to try and distract myself from my anxiety because a nigga was SHOOKT to the core. My roommate and his boyfriend were just watching me like I was a good ass episode of something. I don’t blame ‘em tho, I looked wild af. I was twitching, teetering, and sweating like shit even though it was late September in upstate New York. Now this fake ass bitch gon take a snapchat video of my crackhead ass trippin and put it on his story for everyone to see. Needless to say after that day ain’t nobody fuck with Molly ever again. One good thing did come out of it tho, Peanut, Jelly, and I became real tight after that. And what became of Becky you ask? She made sure to steer clear of all 3 of us and my friends lol because they threatened to cut that hoe. Moral of the story children? Don’t trust white people.