I’ve been having some troubles these past few days, even months, I’ve gotten worse and worse since after my heart surgery.
I might as well get everything off my chest.
The reason I don’t eat or drink anymore is because of my father, who would always call me a fat pig just because I would want ‘more’ of something just because I haven’t eaten properly in quite a few days.
Because of the insults my father would inflict on me, I would lock myself in my room with my cat, Hassel, I would try to cheer myself up with childhood games via the N64. Lately, that hasn’t been going so well, over these past months I would rarely never go into the basement anymore, since that is where the computer is and my drawing supplies. I would never go there anymore knowing my dad is eyeing me from the couch, I could even hear him laughing under his breath if I made a simple mistake on it, I assumed it was an insult towards my ability, another reason why I feel insecure with my inability to draw something useful. Anyways, when I was born I didn’t exactly have a great childhood, my sister would always beat me if I messed something up or if I tried back talking her, I was practically a slave to her. I was forced to get her, for an example, a soda or a pillow even, she would use my fears against me so that I would practically fall to my knees at her will. I was so happy when she moved out. You might call it sibling bonding but I call it sibling torture. Back to my parents, my dad would always call me a disgrace to the family, that I should live to my full potential, which I never could since I never had the motivation, he would say that if I ever died he would shrug it off and that, as I quote, “We could always make a better one.” It really hurt me knowing my parents don’t even care.
Now that I have an apartment I still have to live here due to the fact I have to move everything.
Some people might say this is tedious and I agree, I don’t even know where I’m going with this, then again it is ranting.
Some people might even say that I don’t deserve a life, that I don’t deserve friends, that may be true as well, as far as I’m concerned @terminally-mysterious-capricious is basically my only true internet friend, so I think anyway…
I forgot where I was going with this so, I’ll just leave it here.
- My life may not be exciting, it may not be useful, but at least I have someone that cares about it.