this is me envying a flute

jesus christ lots of you are interested in how gay your instrument is

Anonym: I play piano and percussion (mostly mallet percussion). How much gay?

Almost not at all if you’re male. If you’re female then quite likely. If you’re neither then it doesn’t matter you’re already on the gays’ Good Side. Besides if you’re non-conforming then you already don’t conform to these rules sooooo

@a-lexanderhamilton: i play the cello and viola…how gay? 

you have very gay potential my friend

Anonym: What about female guitarists? 

ah yes see there you’re very different from male guitarists. you are quite likely gay, because who wouldn’t turn lesbian after hearing “oh i can play guitar too! *struggles to play stairway to heaven*” as a flirting technique daily

Anonym: I play flute, piccolo, piano & guitar. How gay?

Well whatever gender you are, some of them are quite gay and some of them mitigate your gay. you probably have no sexuality at all you are in fact 7 sexualities in a trenchcoat

Anonym: Two clarinets and i used to play flute

if male - very
if female - maybe closet bi
if neither - see first answer

Anonym: i’m not sure if you did this yet, but i’m a female flute player. how gay am i? 

you want to be gay but secretly you’re not all that turned off by dick

Anonym: piano, clarinet, oboe, violin

you’re pan

@havok-king: I’m writing Periperie on acid influenced by Jefree Star and Gaga (in response to “depends what you’re composing”)

ok you’re fucking screaming gay well done i’m proud have a Millennial Gold Star

Anonym: i play a lot of romantic era stuff

gayer than average

Anonym: how gay is percussion?

male: 1 in 6 is very gay, but knows how to act like a Str8, 5 in 6 are screaming fuckboys
female: probably gay or maybe bi. best friends with the gay male percussionist. they’ve kissed once when they were high but they both found it weird
neither: see first answer

@echo-tortoise: Treble recorder?? How gay? 


Anonym: Trombone, piano, and voice. I also dabble in the accordion but I can’t say I actually play. How gay am I? 

i’m afraid you are straight af

Anonym: Tenor sax player how gay

male: not at all
female: yes at all
neither: probably ace. or see first question

@djwafflesquare: I play the piano (Chopin and Debussy mostly) how gay am I?


Anonym: *male tenor sax how gay?


Anonym: How about oboe?

probably ace

Anonym: as a bi trumpeter, I don’t really wanna bang any of the tpts I know…

i can understand you not being attracted to male trumpeters but female trumpeters? really? might have to reconsider your sexuality you’re probably not attracted to females after all jfc

Anonym: cornet? :)

Pleasingly Homo

Anonym: I play piano, violin, guitar, and ukulele.  I’m a girl and I also compose minimalist piano pieces.  how gay?

i was going to say probably not but maybe, until i saw minimalist piano pieces. u gay

Anonym: Piano amount of gay? 

again, depends on how much debussy and ravel is played

Anonym: how gay is the clarinet? 

quite gay, i like to think

Anonym: Harp amount of gay? 

oh honey

Anonym: Baritone gay? 

voice type: no
sax: no
brass instrument: yes

Anonym: The irony that I play alto sax, clarinet and flute and yet am very gay

Messing Up The Natural Order Of Things

Anonym: Bassoon player of 3 weeks, flautist and classical/jazz guitarist. Gay? 

okay you’re getting there

Anonym: female double bass, how gay?

you’re a devout christian or jew at home, but when your parents aren’t home you lick pussy like a lollipop

Anonym: I sing. How much gay

male: perhaps
female: less perhaps
neither: see first question

@im-not-rushing: I’m a soprano. How gay?

coloratura: bi
lyric: straight but hangs around with non-binary people and pretends she belongs
dramatic: scissor with me mummy

Anonym: I agree with the other ask about the violin and cello. I played violin for 5 years and then I switched to ukulele and this is also around the same time I realised I was a lesbian. I second that Gay instrument magic is real.

My Theory Is Working

@xtheravenwarrior: Female alto sax player here, how gay am I? 

being in a predominantly male sax section has made you give up on the whole concept of romance or sex

Anonym: Funny story, three of the male tuba players at my university are gay.

you go to a good university

Anonym: I play bass clarinet, alto sax, and clarinet how gay am I? 

stop disrupting the order of things. you play a gay instrument a straight instrument and a somewhat gay instrument actually that’s only if you’re male. if you’re not then you’re as gay as the day is long

@imonlyalittelbassoon: I play bassoon and bass. How gay? 


Anonym: how gay is the cello? 


Anonym: kazoo and bycicle horn how gay? 

thanks it’s not like this was wasting my time in general

Anonym: brass instruments most to least gay?

Alto trombone
The rest

Anonym: how gay is percussion
Anonym: Harp, am I gay enough 

read up

Anonym: I play bass clarinet, trumpet, and trombone. How gay? 

the trumpet and trombone counterbalance the bass clarinet and straighten you

Anonym: i play piano, alto sax, and clarinet. how gay?? 

the power of the alto sax to make oneself straight is so powerful is outweighs the ambiguous piano and the quite gay clarinet

Anonym: Double bass, how gay 

male: probably not but possible
female: read up
neither: you’re the shyest (shiest?) person in the orchestra but on saturdays you go out of town and get fucked by everything that fits in whichever hole you have

Anonym: Do you also do voices? How would you rate the gayness of voice types?

Soprano: done
dramatic mezzo: no
lyric mezzo: maybe
dramatic alto: probably
lyric alto: yes
alto profundo: likely
countertenor: yes
heldentenor: no
jugendlicher heldentenor: yes
charaktertenor: no
lyric tenor: unlikely
heldenbariton: no
charakterbariton: very likely
der rest der baritonen/bässe: no

Anonym: I would like to argue violins are very gay incredibly gay okay okay

i reject your conjecture. if violins were gay then why do ours sound so shit

Anonym: How gay is contrabass? 

read up

Anonym: I play clarinet piano and ukulele while learning the alto sax and trumpet. How gay am I?

ok sorry babe you’re straight

Anonym: I play the Eb, Bb, Bass, and contrabass clarinet.  How gay? 

you got potential

Anonym: Some kid went up to our band teacher and told her that kids were making fun of them for joining band because apparently it makes you gay. Funny enough at least a good portion of the band are gay, and we didn’t realize until after we joined

1. kill those kids. not joking
2. where’s the fucking problem

Anonym: Jazz trombone gayness level?

i’m sorry…

Anonym: Bb clarinet, Eb clarinet, bass clarinet, contra-alto clarinet, alto sax, bari sax, soprano sax, flute! Gay?

okay firstly calm down

Anonym: French horn, how gay? 

oh yes yum

Anonym: I’ve seen you say the guitar is not gay at all, but what about the ukulele?
A different anonym: Ukulele: gay?

male: straight. you pretend to be gay so girls will like you
female: ace. you pretend to be gay so guys will leave you alone. it doesn’t work.
neither: ace aro you h8 everyone

Anonym: Female percussionist. How gay? 

read up

@the-gayest-tuba: im the pinnacle of gay honestly

well that does my job for me

Anonym: I’m a female guitarist. is that gayer than a male guitarist? 

read up (spoiler: yes)

@alto-sax: Alto Saxophone and Flute, How gay am i ?

First impression: no. Second impression: You have a short url on tumblr. You must’ve been here for a while. Yes.

Anonym: How gay is the harp? 

read up (spoiler: r u serious)

Anonym: I was about to complain that altogether sax isn’t the straightest, but looking at the rest of my section…. damn. I gotta reform this heterosexual-ass band 


Anonym: How gay is the angel harp? Asking for a friend…


Anonym: Soprano 2 vocalist how gay

Your envy of Soprano 1s is manifesting itself as unrequited love. Having a boyfriend, you are scared of finding yourself to be a lesbian, but eventually you find your soulmate in the alto 1 section.

@sergeiprokofieff (won’t let me tag you what): last yr in youth orch out of a flute and oboe row of 7 only 2 were straight and it was sad but amazing

how is that sad that’s amazing

Anonym: how gay is the horn?

read up

Anonym: I play flute(female). how gay? 

i think i’ve done this

Anonym: French Horn and Flute; How gay?

you’re so gay you have a tattoo of the 2017 calendar of pride events in your continent

Anonym: I play… the recorder. Soprano and Alto. How gay? 

soprano: done
alto: Unpredictable