this is me actually being john egbert

I still actually draw too, nothing too fancy just a lil DirkJohn with lil jaw kisses  @vanillacorpse (thank you for helping me get back into the swing of….. everything??)

Homestuck Day 4 Part 10 (Further Nightmare Fuel and the 100% Canonical Truth behind Papa Egbert)

The phrase “haunting piano refrain” in the context of John made me expect something … disastrous. Luckily it seems our boy John is a dab hand at the piano. Glad to know he has a skill!

That … is actually a pretty solid pun. For whatever reason though I can’t get the image of this living sin being Papa Egbert out of my head.

If I somehow turn out to be right I will cry. It’s just a fact.

Hmm I’m going to hazard a certainty that this will end in failure. The title of this comic is Homestuck, in case you forgot, and John’s situation has been acknowledged to border on the titular.

WAIT

Is this who I think it is? Listen here Hussie, are you telling me John’s dad actually has no eyes? Is he a cave organism masquerading as a father for unknown reasons? Wait actually that would explain a lot. Hear me out here, he uses a bunch of fatherly cliches because he doesn’t know experientially how real humans parent. He learned from the books and movies those cliches are perpetuated in. If he can’t see that would go a long way to explaining the harlequin trash strewn all over his house. Not to mention the fact that there’s not even a picture of Mom Egbert anywhere to be seen. He doesn’t care because he’s not actually John’s father! Similarly, he wouldn’t give a damn whether John was scuttling around the house with a copy of the book that killed his grandmother. It all fits!

No use denying it Hussie; I’ve cracked the riddle of Papa Egbert! Now all that’s left is to determine his true intentions …

anonymous asked:

you honestly look like a real life john egbert

I have been told that before and honestly I love hearing it every time. Thank u anon!

Here’s a picture of me actually being John Egbert.

So I’m just gonna have to make some assumptions on the ending…

-Aradia and Sollux are fine. They teleported onto the new Earth a few minutes after John and co left. They then spent the next five thousand years screwing around, averting disasters, safeguarding the new civilization, and leaving sick memes in ruins from the drowned Earth. At some point they picked up Davepeta, Jasprose, and Gamzee, who after a lot of time to recover is doing fine. 

-The Kingdoms are neither Kingdoms nor separated by species. The locations in the pictures are the old capitals, largely considered to be relics of a bygone time; in modern times, people can live freely wherever and with whoever they like. They are also led by a duly elected council with fair representation from each species.

-The kids are not actually in charge of their kingdoms. They’re basically there to wear crowns and wave in parades. No one actually let a bunch of traumatized 18 year olds with maybe a semester’s worth of knowledge about governance or civics or politics actually take over the government.

-Jade is as much a part of the new SkaiaNet as Jake is, and Jake goes out to explore architectural ruins with the others as often as he wants. 

-At some point people get John to actually redecorate or maybe move out and spend some time with other people instead of being sad in the frozen empty memory of what life was like before the Game started. 

-At some point Jane rebrands and makes the CrockerCorp logo bright cyan. 

-Someone throws that fucking lollipop into the singularity and good riddance to it. 

final-icharus  asked:

John, what's your opinion on a certain spider troll?

EB: She’s probably one of the worst of the trolls. Like she actually likes being bad? There are few of them that are like that. but for some reason she likes to pretend it never happens? And we’re friends or something. She tricked me like that one time with her mind powers.

EB: She probably could be a good person if she had a little help.

Hello everyone! Today, instead of doing my history homework like I’m supposed to, I’m going to explain why I think my aromantic asexual John headcanon is a fair reading of the text, even though it will probably not be upheld in canon.

I’m sure that’s enough to put most people off, but if anyone’s interested or is looking for some kind of representation to be carved out for themselves, read on.

Keep reading

MY HOMESTUCK FANFIC JOURNEY

I did my art journey yesterday, but I’ve arguably always been more of a writer than an artist, so I feel like I should list out some of my “biggest” fanfics for Homestuck.

Flushed - Not quiiiite the first thing I wrote for the fandom, but it’s the first big thing that I wrote. It was an attempt to write a quick one-shot for all of the possible 120 pairings available from the main cast at the time (so original kids and trolls). I got almost halfway through before I finally gave up, which is honestly still pretty impressive. A lot of the fics are hit or miss, but I’m still proud of a couple. It was also the first time I wrote any type of m/m or f/f!

Deja Vu - A John/Vriska fic I wrote for the first HSO, which went on to represent our team in Round 2. I actually felt terrible about this fic when it went up for a lot of reasons, but I think it’s a huge stepping stone in my progress as a writer. Also, the first time I put my art in a fic!

Miss Lady Luck - Another John/Vriska fic I wrote for the second HSO, though it wasn’t the one that got picked to represent our team. I guess it’s not really a “big” fic of mine, but goddammit, I’m still kind of proud of it.

Unspoken - This is the spiritual successor to Deja Vu in a lot of ways - it was also written for the second HSO, but this time it went on to represent the team, and it placed! I still think it’s kind of silly that it got as much attention as it did (and it’s written in poem form, which is weird for me) but it was nice to kind of have some closure on the old fic.

Swords and Guns Ever After - A Dave/Jade baby-fic told in pesterlogs. Written for Promptbound, which was a tumblr I co-ran which took Homestuck writing prompts. Also, I think this is probably the funniest thing I have ever written. 

Your Name Is - This was my first really Jade-centric fic, and I wrote it for Ladystuck Blind (a challenge for darkfic about ladies). I’m still pretty proud of it, even if I was so tired when I wrote it that I don’t actually remember writing most of it. 

All Clear - Okay, I didn’t write all of this one, but I think it’s a really important step in how I interacted with fandom. This was written for round one of the HSWC, and instead of this being me representing my team, it was me directing my team into writing something big and heart-wrenching. Also marks the first time the “John Egbert/Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde/Dave Strider” tag featured on my AO3.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle - I wrote this for Jadefest, and it nicely combines both Beta OT4 and Jade-centric darkfic into one nice package. It’s probably still one of the best things I’ve ever written, and also marks the start of some specific Stripe Tropes. (namely dave being very small) ((also i believe this is how i first started talking to @phrenotobe, which is a good thing))

Jade Harley: Supernatural Private Investigator - More Jade-centric OT4, this time starring monsters and a murder mystery. Also notable in that I ran the event that this was written for, which marks my first time actively modding a fandom event.

Once Upon a Full Moon - And here’s my most recent thing! I know there’s only been one chapter posted so far, but I actually have 15 chapters written out, so I feel like it warrants including it on the list. Once again, it’s Beta OT4, and there may or may not be monsters involved. You’re going to have to read it to find out!

Obviously I have written a lot more than this, but I feel like these are the things I am most proud of, or are at least very significant to my interaction with the fandom. Thank you Homestuck for giving me such fantastic characters to play with and so many reasons to write and meet new people.

Fuck you HomeStuck for being out too early for me to get into you without feeling like I’m never going to finish you and no one’s gonna be around when I do so there’s no point.

Yeah.

anonymous asked:

John. Give us your best impressions of the trolls.

EB: I AM KARKAT, I USE BIG STUPID WORDS TO SAY SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN SAID IN ONE. I SHOUT A LOT TO TRY AND COMPENSATE FOR THE FACT THAT I DO, IN FACT, KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE HUMAN EMOTION CALLED FRIENDSHIP.

EB: SUR3 1LL H3LP YOU, BUT TH3R3 M4Y B3 TH3 SL1GHT CH4NC3 TH4T YOU W1LL D13 4LONG TH3 W4Y. NO B1GG13.

EB: I adore spiders even though they are really gross, and I will also help you by killing you. 8xcept this time you will come back to life because even though I am pretty crazy and cocky, I guess I am also kind of cool too.
EB: Also, PIR8ES!!!!!!!! and stuff

EB: i get tetchy when people ask me questions. also, i am strangely reminiscent of a certain shaded asshole.

EB: i seem normal and then i mess people up by actually being SUPER CREEPY.

EB: apparently, i am a MASSIVE DOUCHE.

EB: furcking cats, meown.

EB: Im Really Into Rose If You Know What I Mean

EB: glub glub!
EB: … yeah, i’m not too sure.

EB: … apparently i’m like some super sweaty mechanic or something. who likes horses. to a really questionable extent.

EB: blah blah blah, bullshit bullshit, whiny voice, stupid words!! i have a big stupid smelly head with equally stupid horns, and i also just so happen to be a dumbass snitch!!!

EB: aaaaaand i’m not doing the other guy because he actually sort of freaks me out.