this is literally such an awful pickup line

Listen like. I know the whole “Emily is Torbjorn’s kid!” thing is mostly a joke but list e n.

Emily meeting Lena for the first time at an overwatch thing and just. “dad u didn’t tell me u worked with a literal angel what the ungodly fuck dad” “you’ve met ang—” “not her. the one who just blinked into the wall.” “…”

Lena wooing Emily with god awful pickup lines during said thing and torb just looks at his wife, wife calmly takes a sip of her drink and just. “Called it.”

Only child and war orphan Lena immediately inundated and welcomed into the fam by a mountain of small children who have already embraced her as a big sister by proxy and she loves ALL OF THEM.

Also like Lena never being more intimidated of Torbjorn, a man she has gone into battle with and seen make and destroy weapons of mass destruction, then when she goes to ask for his blessing to propose to Emily. He gives her the biGGEST HUG and just. “about damn time.” 

The lindholme fam all have Discourse Kazoos for family dinners just in case Omnics get brought up bc that is the only time things get heated between lena and torb like. “Did you hear about what’s happening with Russ–” “PZZZZZZZZZZZTT”

Pick Me Up

This is for the cutie patootie @stan-o-wars! Please forgive the god awful use of pick up lines. I really hope you love it!


They were on the Stan o’ War when it first happened. 

Stanford could remember the way Stanley had looked at him with half lidded eyes, licking his lips as he approached. His body had been slicked by the warm summer day, leaving Stanford to stare as the droplets of sweat trailed down Stanley’s chest and past the hem of his shorts. His hair was slicked back and he grinned, flashing dark eyes at his brother and grinning wildly. 

“Stanley?” He asked, more than a little confused and flustered.

Stanley didn’t answer, choosing instead to crowd Stanford until his back was resting against the wooden frame of the boat, staring at the younger twin in surprise. Stanley’s arms lift to cage him in and he bent forward, his mouth brushing the shell of Stanford’s ear. It made the other shiver because Stanley had such a filthy mouth, one that made him blush with the most simple of sentences…

Do you have a mirror in your pocket, coz I could see myself in your pants.

And Stanford snorts, looking up at him with disbelieving eyes as giggles spill from his lips. He can’t contain it as he laughs, making Stanley frown and pout as he pulled away, a blush covering his cheeks.

“Stop laughin’ at me.” He mumbled, frowning.

Stanford tried but he couldn’t help it. It was too cute not to laugh at. Pulling Stanley back in, he kissed the other gently. 

“You’re adorable.”

“Shut up Sixer.”