this is like the first time i post my tumblr crushes

i’m in my prime,
not withering and old.
but i refuse to play
your wicked games any longer.

i know this tether is unbreakable,
but you make me feel like i’m interchangeable.
you drew a target on my heart,
when did this become fatal attraction?

i don’t have the strength,
the energy,
nor the patience
to be held hostage by your love.

so baby please don’t despair
when i say that
i’ve found the courage to
let you go.

you were never meant to be tied down in the first place.

—  believing i could love you was my mistake, c.j.n.

Damn i just found my first Throwback Thursday post for y'all haha. Ever wonder what it would’ve been like had i went to you’re high school? Well heres a pic of your favorite ego crushing vigilante, The Dragon Of Devastation known as Chaos Vortex when I was 16 in the 9th grade back in 1999. By then I was already working a full time night shift construction job and slanging dope not just to other HS kids but to the high profile clients like surgeons and lawyers and shit so my time was stretched thin as fuck lol. Just off camera is the trademark backpack I always had with me that housed a full variety of drugs and weapons that drug legends are told about by the campfire lol. Basically I was nice to you as you are to me and I despised bullies and treated them savagely. I even went after ones in other schools when I discovered them and stomped them on-site to humiliate them in front of their peers as an example. Seriously, I openly demanded that anyone who is being bullied to report that shit to me not the school so I can handle it. Although I am sociable, I never made any effort to socialize with anyone my age cuz I come from a family of O.G.’s so HS games never interested me. everyone just kinda knew that unless you’re a beautiful woman, are trying to buy some party supplies, or needed my combat services, then you probably weren’t gonna get me to hang out with you. Muthafux knew that once Chaos Vortex shows up, its strictly for at least one, if not for all 4 reasons, and that’s to get fucked, get fuckin paid, get fucked up, or fuck some shit up lol!

Chapped Lips || Peter Parker

so I went to check on my Tumblr mobile app and I am so humbled to see that I have reached 300 followers!

THIS IS SUCH A HUGE MILESTONE FOR ME AHHHH!! I’M SO EXCITED!!

This means so much to me, thank you so much for enjoying these stories that I write and post on here 。゚(TヮT)゚。 in celebration I’m going to post this story, as a thank you for all of my new followers ♡ ♡ ♡ 

please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. reblogs are okay!

 ——– 

Your friends all knew about your debilitating crush on your lab partner. Ever since you first laid eyes on Peter Parker, it was difficult for you to shut up about him.

When you were in the privacy of your home, you would call and text your best friend, telling her how cute Peter was and how you died a little bit each time you spoke to him. 

[Name], just grow a pair and ask him out already! He seems like a nice guy, and you talking about him constantly is driving me insane! Do something about your crush on him already! 

Recalling your friend’s words made you tremble with anxiety each time. You, being the incredibly shy girl that you were, could not just grow a pair and simply ask Peter Parker out. The boy was certainly out of your league; and not only that- you were 99% sure that he had his sights set on Liz Allan. So as far as you were concerned, asking him out was absolutely out of the question. 

In hopes of lessening your yearning for Peter, you made sure to sit next to him during Chem any chance you got while paying attention to him. You didn’t think you would ever get to see him outside of the classroom- 

Until now. 

During Chem, your teacher began handing out several thick packets for the class, his monotone voice talking about how you each had to work with your partner to complete this project. Almost like a conditioned response, you look at Peter to see that he was smiling at you. “Looks like we’ve gotta put both of our great minds to work. This counts as 20% of our grade.”

“Y-Yeah, no kidding.” You respond with a bit of a stutter in your voice. 

For the next several seconds, you and Peter remained silent whilst staring at each other, hearing your classmate chatter from all around you as they made plans to meet and start on the project. 

You wanted to ask if Peter wanted to come to your place and start the project (since your apartment was closer to Midtown High, being only a few blocks away) but you felt all the words die within your throat. Seeing Peter staring at you so intently made your palms sweat, and you almost pulled your hair out in frustration at how you couldn’t speak.

Miraculously, Peter does the talking for you and slowly begins, “So…I’ll be a little busy tonight. Would it be okay if I came over to your place after school? I m-mean, that’s only if you’re okay with it! W-We can always go to m-my place, i-if you wanted, b-but I just assumed since you l-lived closer-”

You let out a soft giggle and give him a nod, “Y-Yes, that’s fine Peter. Let’s do that.” 

{…}

After blowing up your bestie’s phone with a plethora of texts stating how Peter Parker was going to your apartment for your project, you were practically on cloud 9. 

You didn’t care that Peter was only with you to do a project, you were just so ecstatic to spend a little more time with him. 

The walk to your apartment wasn’t too awkward, although you and Peter were silent through the entire trek to your place. It was strange, but you didn’t mind the silence at all, and you could only hope that Peter felt the same way when he kept on smiling at you. 

Reaching your apartment in just about 10 minutes, you usher him into the living room, grateful that your place was empty because your parents were still out working. 

You didn’t think you could deal with any of their embarrassing comments at you having a boy over, even if it was legitimately because of homework. 

“Would you like anything to drink? I’ve got all of the soda that you can imagine, all you have to do is pick your poison.”

You were proud at how even your voice came out and even smiled when Peter told you his preferred soda. You end up grabbing two cans before shakily making your way toward where Peter sat on the couch. 

Once you were seated, Peter begins writing out ideas in his notebook, and you nod and consider each of them while trying to ignore how close the boy was to you. It was strange, but you swore that you were sitting a relatively safe distance away from Peter when you sat down. Now, you couldn’t ignore the fact that Peter’s shoulder was felt rubbing against the left side of your arm, quickly alerting you to just how close he truly was.  

When you look to the side, you slowly began to lose focus as you admired Peter’s profile. God, the boy was just so handsome, and he was making your heart ache so much. Being so close to him was making you nervous, and while you stared at him, you began to unconsciously pick at your bottom lip. 

Never known to have the softest lips in the world, you had a bad habit of picking at your chapped lips whenever you were anxious. It was an involuntary action that you honestly couldn’t help-

So when Peter had turned to look at you and he saw how there was a bead of red blood coming from your lips, you were absolutely mortified

“Oh my God, [Name], are you okay?! Your bottom lip is bleeding!” 

“H-Huh?” You dumbly reply, touching at the bottom of your lip, acting as though you didn’t know how that happened. When you trailed your tongue across your lips, you winced upon tasting the coppery taste of blood in your mouth. “Shit, I-I’m sorry. This is n-normal, I swear! I…whenever I get nervous I just pick at them and- fuck, I gotta try and stop the bleeding!”

You wanted to die. Now Peter would think of you as nothing else but his weird partner who constantly picked at her lips until it bled.

Trying to hide your face, you attempt to stand and run to the bathroom when you felt a strong hand stop you. You look down to see that Peter was pulling you back down with a surprising strength that shocked you. 

When you were seated back on the couch, you were about to question what he was doing, only to be interrupted with his lips over yours. 

You were practically trembling with confusion now, feeling Peter’s mouth gently suck away the blood that had collected on your bottom lip. Despite how mortified and weird you felt about the whole situation, you couldn’t deny that Peter’s lips on yours still felt really good to you. 

After a few seconds, Peter pulls away from you, blushing profusely as he hid his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m s-sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, I j-just, I wanted to stop the bleeding.” 

You gulp and nod, gently touching at your bottom lip. When you licked your lips again, the traces of your blood was gone, and all you could taste was Peter. Knowing that you were blushing, you hid your face within the palm of your hand and asked, “Peter, why did you do that? I could have- I could have cleaned it up by myself, yet you-” you couldn’t even continue because your heart was practically choking you with its rapid palpitations. 

Your crush had just kissed the blood away from your chapped lips. 

And you were falling even harder for this strangely kind boy.

You hear Peter let out a deep breath before softly admitting, “Well, it’s just that…I really like you, [Name]. I have for a while now, and when we got paired up as partners for Chem, I was actually really happy that I had a reason to interact with you.”

You finally looked at Peter, noticing how he refused to meet your gaze as the tip of his ears turned red, evidence of his growing embarrassment.

Feeling a bit more confident now, you inch yourself closer to him, “Hey, my lips aren’t bleeding anymore, but…even if they aren’t bleeding, will you still kiss me?” 

The way Peter immediately gravitated toward you was all the answer you needed for that question.   

Originally posted by spiderthing

Maybe it’s not true love, written in the stars, or the makings of a romance novel, but what kind of love is? Love at first sight— do I believe it? I’m not sure yet. I believe that love starts out as a mutual understanding, a mutual liking of another person. Love changes, grows, and evolves to fit both of your lives. This relationship starts to build and an unbreakable bond is forged. Sometimes it’s romantic, and most other times it’s platonic, but regardless, it’s love. So, maybe you weren’t love at first sight, or even like at first sight, but you are like and love with time. You are the very best kind.
—  1:06am thoughts// I’m still unsure about what you mean to me, but let me tell you, you are something

I’m actually biromantic (attracted to more than two genders) and asexual, this whole quoiromantic/demi-heteroromantic thing I had going on for a while was actually just compulsory heterosexuality in action. (And I would also like to distance myself from the ace allo / aro allo distinction which is often made in the ace community especially. It doesn’t make sense to lump het people and SGA/MGA people into one group.)

I am asexual. I have never experienced sexual attraction to anyone. But I did not always know this. I grew up in a homophobic church and just assumed that I was heterosexual. Anything else was out of the question.

There was this guy that I had a crush on. I was 19 or 20 and it was the first time I felt like this. The people at church said I should be careful, and not do anything that I would regret later.

I never really understood what all the fuss was about, I didn’t really understand why others had such a hard time not giving in to temptation. Then I thought that maybe I just had more self-control than others.

Fast-forward two or three years: I’m spending a large part of my day on tumblr. I have overcome my homophobic mindset and I’m trying to be a good ally to the LGBTQIAP+ community. (At the beginning, my knowledge only about covered the LGBT part of the acronym.)

One day, there is a post on my dash that explains the concept of demisexuality. I remember being all excited because it was like I had FINALLY had a word to describe the circumstances under which I get attracted to people. (Only after forming an emotional connection first.)

Later on, I learned about the different types of attraction that exist and that what I was experiencing was not sexual, but romantic attraction, and that I must therefore be asexual. The romantic attraction I experience only occurs after I have already formed an emotional connection with the person, which most likely makes me demiromantic.

I have had crushes on five guys so far in my life, and assumed that I’m therefore (demi-)heteroromantic, but lately there has been more than one girl that got me wondering whether I was developing a crush (feelings of romantic attraction) or a squish (feelings of platonic attraction) on her.

I’m able to tell these two things apart with guys, but I’m having a harder time when it comes to other genders. A term to describe this inability to distinguish between these two types of attraction is quoiromantic, which might therefore apply to me as well.

Maybe I will know for sure one day, or maybe I won’t. But either way, I am comfortable with calling myself asexual. I want to raise awareness of asexuality, which is one of the reasons why I have started coming out to a number of people, including my brother, some of my friends, some of my classmates and one of my professors (which was probably the highlight of the past month). I see myself as a part of the LGBTQIAP+ community and I’m embracing my identity and willing to openly talk about it. :)

(If you are wondering what the cards mean, take a look at this post.)

2

I know BlackOutDay is over (sadly) but I wanted to post these real fast 😌. I just wanna say that this was my first time doing the BlackOut, & I LOVED it ❤️. You’re all so beautiful & I feel like I’ve finally started to know my Black Tumblr family (I actually now have a lil Tumblr crush ☺️💘) but I thank ALL of you GORGEOUS black people, for participating & making this day so significant. I wouldn’t change a thing ⬛️💕

Hello people of Earth!

Caiden here.

I would just like to take this opportunity to wish the amazing @ohcaptainmycaptain1918 a very happy Birthday!

There are not enough words to describe how amazing you are to me. Your work is my drug and I honestly cannot survive a day without reading and rereading your writing.

You are my inspiration; my role model and my Tumblr crush… That probably sounded a lot less creepy in my head…

You are the reason I write. When someone asks me, “Why’d you start writing?” I simply say, “OhCaptainMyCaptain1918.”

(For those who don’t read fanfiction and/or don’t have Tumblr get extremely confused, but everyone on here knows what I’m saying. Am I right? Or, am I right?)

I discovered your blog just over a year ago, granted, at the time, I had no idea it was your birthday then and I apologize for that, but hope to make up for it by making this post.

“Buck Me” is the first Stucky fic I ever read. And once I had read that, I immediately went searching for more.

The last time I counted the amount of Fanfics I have bookmarked on my laptop, I had 219. That includes multiple singular chapters and so on. I haven’t physically counted the amount since then but I am pretty confident I have over 600? Maybe more?

Back to the subject at hand; Reading “Buck Me” was like joining a club; a club of which, that has no withdrawal option. Once you enter you shall never leave. That is why we must always read the fine print people!

But, in all honesty, this has been the best thing to ever happen to me, and I’m not exaggerating in the slightest.

Without Stucky, or just Marvel in general, I don’t know what my life would be like. I do know for a fact that I’d be hell of a lot more depressed than I currently am. Your blog; your writing and just overall existence, has helped me come to terms about who I am and who I want to be, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Before getting involved in tumblr and Fanfiction, I had watched porn, but not very often. I always thought I was really gross and never told anyone. Then after reading “Buck Me,” thinking; ‘porn comes in written form?’ I just automatically got hooked. Then discovered how much I love gay porn.

I started telling some of my close friends, thinking they’d be hell grossed out and dis me for being perverted and shit, then was completely surprised when they weren’t disgusted per se, but still thought I was weird.

(Turns out nearly all of my friends have watched porn, but not read it. Like me, they didn’t know that was a thing. And then Fifty Fucking Shades Of Grey happens.)

I’ve never been what people at my school would count as “pretty,” and I’m definitely not thin, so I’ve been bullied and called names and I hate it. I mean, who doesn’t hate having their self esteem being trodden on countless times and made to feel pathetic?

After escaping the hellhole others call school, I like to sit in my room and escape reality for a little while. Reading your work and writing my own, always makes me feel better. When I enter the wonderful, albeit sometimes painful, world of Stucky, it helps me make an excuse to get up the next day.

Life is always going to throw shit our way, and most of the time, we can’t dodge it, but we can get through it, Steve and Bucky are standing on the sidelines cheering for us to push forward. And as the saying goes, quoted famously by the man named Shia; “Just do it! Make your dreams come true!” God, I love that guy…

I know this year has brought you many struggles and challenges, and for me, this year has also been one of the toughest, having been prescribed antidepressants and sleeping pills, and arguing constantly with my mum to the point where she wants to ship me off to my dad. I just want you to know that though I might not be able to fully understand the complications you are going through, I am always here for you and wish to help you in every possible way that I can. Being only fifteen it’s hard, but I’m no stranger to obstacles and trying to get through the shitshow called life.

We are humans, believe it or not, and we deserve to be treated that way. Don’t let those shitty people that always seem to be around just to step on our good mood drag you down. You are one of the strongest people I know and I want you to know that when I feel my loneliest, I think about your amazing blog and how it never fails to bring a smile to my face.

I hope you have the best birthday ever, full of presents and cake and the people you love. God knows you deserve to have the best day, you’ve worked your ass off and every single person who has the privilege of knowing you (even just through following you on Tumblr), loves the ever loving fuck out of you! You’re the sweetest, funniest, most beautiful person and I hope you sucker punch anyone who tells you different.

This has got to be one of the longest posts I have ever written but I honestly don’t give a shit because every word is true.

I love you, I love your work, and I love the impact you have had on my life. Just know that you, have helped me, get through some of the hardest days and give me a reason to keep going. Without even knowing it.

My inbox is always open for you if you ever need to talk or are just bored. Every time I see a little number above that envelope I get excited, and the odd time it’s you that has messaged me I feel great for the rest of the day.

For now, I love and leave you, but fear not! For I stalk your Tumblr daily.

(We have a twelve hour time difference (I’m 99% sure), so it’s normally while I’m asleep that you’re online.)

I hope you read this post and are safe wherever you are and have a great day!

Lots of love, always and forever,

Your biggest fan, Caiden Bonnett (aka: Bucky Barnes lover). (from Australia). xoxox