this is just really amusing to me

I love it how when I speak in another language people tell me that I “have an accent”
Like, yeah, I have an accent in my first language, why are you surprised by this?

Demigod Child

As a DM I play 5e, and I tend to play fast and loose, often introducing different mechanics not in the book for monsters and NPCs. My players were in the middle of what was essentially a war zone, and decided to send off one character’s adopted kid to escape while they went to fight. This child wasn’t a fighter, and their only skill (as I described it) was that they were “Very fast and good at dodging”. So, the players decided to give the kid some tools.
One was a halfling with a spare set of armor (good size for an elf kid), another had a poison handaxe, one had a spare sword, and the paladin (usually the resident goofy joke character) gave such an awesome and powerful good-luck you-can-do-it we-believe-in-you speech that I gave the kid a point of inspiration. I was actually getting amused by the fact that they were doing so much for this NPC child who I fully intended to be alright, but eventually the kid was ready to be sent off.

DM (me): So this kid is decked out in humorously deadly gear now, you gonna send them off?
Monk: Yeah. I uh, I kneel down—"Just find my horse Breka and ride off to that one town until we can find you again, okay?“
DM: Uh, Sunny nods and looks really confident with themselves. They’re just gonna turn to set out towards that horse, they know where it is.
Ranger (speaking for the first time in a long bit): I wanna cast a buff on Sunny.
DM: You… oh. Okay, what’s it do?
Ranger: It uh, it adds to their base Dexterity score, [about 7] points, and it lasts for awhile so they have a lot of time to get away.
DM: It… what? That’s a spell?!
Ranger: Yeah, it’s a spell.
Barbarian (sitting next to her and leaning over): Yep, it’s a thing, I’m looking at it right now.
DM: I… okay, you… you do that. Then the kid runs off to find the horse, and… oh my god. Guys, what have you done.
Monk: What? What happened?
DM: …So because Sunny is a child and a small target, I decided to give them a special mechanic. When they’re attacked, they can choose to either just let their AC handle it—which you just boosted with that armor—or they can try and dodge the attack. And instead of AC, they… they contest the roll with Dexterity. They already had a base Dex of 17.
Group: *pause for a long moment before they begin laughing*
DM: Guys, you just made this kid basically unkillable! You just—they’re a demigod, now, this little elf kid scampers off to fight Thor or something, and Thor can’t land a hit! You—the kid is immortal! This kid has become a diety!
Monk: Protect my child! Not even god could hurt them now! God child!!
Group: *begin chanting “God child”*
DM: I—oh my god their initiative mod is insane now too, I—I think this kid just ascends into the heavens. I can’t believe you’ve done this.

NHL Bitty Part XIV - BEYONCÉ

Post-Wedding: Eric’s a little famous, but he’s not used to taking advantage of that status. Good thing he’s surrounded himself with people who don’t have the same hang-ups.


Beyoncé’s new tour dates are announced and not only is she playing Starbucks Arena, she’s playing in Seattle during a lull between a stretch of home games. 

“I didn’t realize you were so into Beyoncé, Bittle. Isn’t that a little bit stereotypical?”

Eric doesn’t have time for Boomer’s casual homophobia, pre-sale tickets go on sale in three minutes and for once this miserable season, he’d like to get something he actually wants.

“I don’t know if anyone has told you, Booms, but I’m pretty fucking gay. And you know what else is a stereotype: sucking big, thick, hard –”

Boomer raises his hands and backs away from Eric’s table. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

Eric waves the d-man off while Carter slides out the chair beside Eric and drops his take-out box on the table, careful not to jostle the laptop.

“He’s getting better.”

“He’s getting his stall plastered with hardcore vintage porn is what he’s getting,” Eric mutters. “Swear to the Lord, you’d think I was a walking identity crisis –” 

Two minutes. His card info is pre-loaded. Carter is chomping away on something that smells like curry. Eric’s blood is vibrating under his skin like he’s in overtime. He’s ready. 

“Wait, why are you buying them yourself? I’m sure JoAnn can get some from the front office for us.”

Eric stares at the screen. 1:27. He doesn’t want to bother the team’s publicist over something like this. He’s an adult. He needed help with Hamilton tickets, he doesn’t need help for Beyoncé. He knows Beyoncé. 

Maybe not literally, but still. 

“Dude, let me call her. Just in case.”

“Leave her alone. She’s done enough for us this season.”

0:18

“Maybe we should –”

“Shhhhhhhh!” 

The waiting room clicks over and he’s in. Easy as pie. He selects his seats, nabs the VIP package, gets to the checkout screen, and…

And…

“What the hell…?”

 An error message pops up.

“No, no, no, no,” Eric clicks the screen, and when the page refreshes there’s nothing there. No seats. No VIP meet and greet. Nothing. A happy little banner pops up that reads ‘Thank you for participating in Citi Bank’s Presale –’

Eric’s stomach drops. “Are you kidding me!? It’s been thirty seconds!”

“It’s bots, man,” Bay shouts from across the room. “Those ticket resellers program these computers to –”

“I don’t give a good god damn if it’s a robot! I was right there! They were mine!” He drops his head to the table and whines. “I can afford them on the secondary market, it’s just the principle of the matter.”

“I’m so sorry, man,” Carter runs a sympathetic hand over his back. “Can I call JoAnn now?”

Eric shakes his head, content to wallow in his own sadness. “Everything I touch turns to death,” he moans.

“That sounds like a yes.”

Eric’s phone starts vibrating beside his head – the tap-tap-tap pulse he’s set for Jack – but before he can answer Carter’s tapped the call button for him.

“Hey, Zimmermann. You’re on speaker phone, your husband’s in a state.”

“Carter, um, thanks? Bits, you okay? Did you get your tickets?”

“…no,” Eric sighs, lifting his head to stare blearily at his phone. “The bots ruined me, Jack. I’m dead.”

“Your man is too proud to use his contacts, Zimms,” Carter snickers and elbows Eric in the side. 

“That’s unfortunate,” Jack consoles, but Eric can hear something else in his voice. Something distinctly amused.

“Jack, I swear to god if you make me wait any longer –”

“I have two VIP passes sitting on my desk at home right now. I talked to my agent about it weeks ago. I wanted it to be a surprise.”   

Eric’s mouth goes dry and Carter shakes his shoulders roughly in excitement. He can’t make his voice work. 

Carter leans in close, whispering, “Bittle, you crying?”

“Bits? Bud? You there?”

“No,” Eric breathes, composing himself, “I’m just, really happy I married my husband, and I get to meet Beyoncé.”

There’s silence across the line, then, “Bits, I know those things aren’t in order, and that’s okay. I love you, too.”

best team skull grunts:

rah rah cool cats

  • grunts A and B ask you if you remember them, and if you say no they shrug and switch places to see if that helps, even though they look exactly the same
  • the one that tries to steal berries from an old man, gets called out, and tells him not to say that because his “self-esteem is already low”
  • the grunt squatting on a route that says he is in pain because squats are hard
  • grunts stealing the bus sign
  • the one female grunt who really loves carnvine but doesn’t have one on her team yet (someone get her a carnvine)
  • the rapping duo manning the po town pokecenter that are broke and probably spent too much time practicing that rap 
  • the guy passed out (drunk?) in said pokecenter next to a spinda
  • two miscommunicating male grunts: one is trying to send a signal about being invaded, the other, “does he think I’m hot or something?”
  • whichever grunt has that cute room decorated with plushies
  • the grunt sleeping across two beds
  • two fourth-wall-breaking female grunts arguing about their tank tops
  • the one that gets really confused when you sit on guzma’s chair
  • “wanna see me get hit with hyperbeam?” grunt who will do anything for money
  • the grunt that knows he will loose, so he just leaves without fighting you
Loki’s New Nickname

Originally posted by wandering-in-hopeless-night

Warnings: Immense fluff, cutesie whipped cream and strawberries and chocolate syrup fights, tackling onto to the kitchen tiles, awkward choking on food, SMUT, fingering, hand jobs, oral, (female receiving) lovey dovey loki

A/N: The wonderful Delilah ( @papi-chulo-bucky ) helped me write some of the smut for this, i became bloody clueless. the (*)  in certain parts of Loki’s speech is a quote (linked)  I’ve used from a blog I found, (trust my you’ll like the sound of it)

Word count:  4812

~

You were wondering around the tower, a book in hand and your reading glasses in the other. You had just finished a sparring session with Steve, showering and then putting on some lounging clothes; a baggy vest and some pyjama shorts with some fuzzy socks.

Times had changed with the Avengers; grudges were slowly dissipating, mutual dislike turned to civility and Thor and Loki had become loving brothers once more.

Loki was usually isolated in his own mind, he was a social vampire when it came to gatherings; you wouldn’t get a word out of him unless you invited him into the conversation. He became a good man- it took him a while to earn the trust of the people around him and it took him a while to learn how to control his powers to use them for reasonable purposes.

Everyone was still skeptical about him, though, especially Clint. The whole mind control back in New York made the man uneasy and on guard constantly. Natasha had to keep distracting him whenever Loki joined everyone in the living area, for the man shot imaginary arrows in his general direction.

You had reached said living area and you heard howling laughter. You peaked around to see everyone laughing, apart from Loki.

“What’s going on guys?” You questioned, placing your book on the stand next to where the god was sitting.

“We’ve given Loki a new nickname.” Tony snorted. You rolled your eyes, knowing it wasn’t going to end well.

“And what would this nickname be, exactly?” You arched your brow at them whilst crossing your arms across. The guys, especially Tony and Sam, kept doing shit like this and it annoyed you to no end. You wanted Loki to feel welcome here, and they were making that impossible for him.

Horny.” You heard Loki mutter softly. You turned and looked at him then, emerald eyes meeting your wide ones. “Because of my helmet…What does it even bloody mean?” You kept hearing snorts of laughter in front of you and sneered at the two ‘grown ups’, but you had to stop yourself from giggling.

“Y'know you’re real funny, Tony, Sam, whoever made the nickname needs to grow up.” You picked up your book and sat next to man on the leather couch. “Just ignore them, Loki, they’re children in adult skin.” You whispered softly.

“I still want to know what it means, though.” He mumbled to himself, he shifted slightly and his arm brushed against yours, the coolness of his skin behind the thin material of his t-shirt making goosebumps rise upon your skin. “What are you reading, Y/N?”

“Oh, I’m reading The Rise and Fall of the Krays. Yeah, it’s a true story about two really famous gangsters in East London back in the… 1950’s? I think? Let me double check,” You placed a finger between the pages so you didn’t lose yours, and flipped the book to look at the blurb on the back. “Ah, the 50’s AND the 60’s. I was close.” Loki gave you a small smile and returned to looking out of the window.

You sat in a comfortable silence for a while, the sound of soft breathing and distant conversations filling your ears, that is, until Tony piped up.

“We’re all going out in 10 minutes, wanna join, Y/N? Or are you staying here with Horny?” The man chuckled.

You usually declined going out- the hustle and bustle of busy bodies and widely socializing making you rather uncomfortable. You scoffed at Tony’s childish words.

“I’m keeping Loki company, so no thank you, manchild.” You smiled sarcastically at Tony and then looked at Loki. You jumped ever so slightly when you noticed he was watching intently.

“You don’t have to, dear. Go out and have some… Midgardian…fun…” He cringed at word 'fun’. Loki wasn’t used to Earth, still, his idea of fun was pulling pranks and scaring the shit out of people.

“No, no, I’d like to stay here with you - don’t give me that look, Loki -” You were cut off when you heard multiple farewells, returning them briefly. “I don’t like crowds…or large parties that much.”

“Ah, I see. I hope I don’t bore you too much, petal.” You blushed at the nickname he gave you. You and Loki had grown closer during his time at the tower; small talk turned into full blown conversations, boring nights turned into ones where you could bask in each others company for hours, no physical contact became small, innocent touches, but he was still very timid, though.

You shot up from your seat, heading towards the kitchen area, you felt the pang of hunger reside in your stomach, so you had to eat at least something to make it go away.

“Loki, would you like something to eat? I might make some waffles.” You received a hum and a soft 'please’ from him. You quietly turned to see him take a peek at your book and you smiled slightly.

You soon finished cooking, 4 waffles in total. You plucked needed confections out of the cupboards and fridge; chocolate syrup, whipped cream, strawberries.

Before you ushered Loki over, you connected your phone to the sound system and played some music. The place was silent, so you wanted to change that. You skipped through your music list, fist bumping the air as soon as you found ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC. It was one of your favourite as a young teen and you swayed to the beat whilst happily mumbling the lyrics.

“Loki, come get your waffles!” You hollered, the tall god swiftly made his way over the the kitchen, sitting at one of the stools by the island.

“I must admit, petal, I’ve never had these before.” You gasped at his confession, awestruck that he had never tasted the sweet food before.

“Oh, gosh, Loki. Here- try some of mine, I’ve got strawberries, chocolate and whipped cream. I promise, it’s really nice!” You urged, you took some on your fork and held it up to him. “Taste it.”

He timidly leaned forward and took the food from your fork, his teeth baring. As he chewed you saw his eyes roll back with a moan. You bit your lip as you saw his head roll back, exposing the fair skin of his slender neck.

“Lord, if I ever knew how good these tasted, I’d have them everyday. May I?” He gestured towards the confectionery on the table, you replied with a ‘of course’ before you dug into your own, you done good.

A soft tune came on, and you recognised it to be one of Hans Zimmer’s masterpieces. You always played his music whenever you and Loki basked in the late night silences, it relaxed him and helped him focus whilst he read, he told you.

“Could you please tell me the definition of ‘horny’ now, Y/N?” You choked on what you were halfway swallowing.

“U-um, yes, okay, er…” You stuttered, you really wanted to save Loki the embarrassment, but it felt like you were the one in said state.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Loki muttered, shoveling more waffle into his mouth.

“No- it’s just crude.” You grimaced. “It means a-aroused…” The clatter of Loki’s fork on his plate startled you out of your embarrassed dazed.

“Well, Stark is in for a thorough beating, dare I say. Not only is he humiliating me, but he’s insulting my helmet-” He stopped when he noticed you staring at him in shock, scared he would lash out and break any plates.

You noticed his amused gaze upon your face, he started to chuckle lightly.

“W-What? Loki, what’s so funny?” You laughed as you cocked an arched brow at him.

Seeing him so happy made your chest swell and a smile tug at your lips. Loki found it difficult to let loose, for he was almost on edge all the time, worrying that if he took his mind off of reality for just a second, something bad would happen.

Your eyes widened as you watched Loki swiped cream across your nose, you let out a shriek as you watched his hand dip into the little scoop of cream and swipe across your cheek, creating a giant line of the white substance.

“You…You’ve got a little something right here, Y/N,” Loki spoke, but this time, his voice was deep with seriousness. His eyebrows furrowed as his gaze focused on your mouth. You watched as his finger gently touched your lip, before smearing more of the cream over your mouth.

You gasped as you felt the cream on your face, but this time he wasn’t getting off the hook. With a sudden burst of confidence, you lunged forward and with all your might, tackled him to the ground. You both landed onto the kitchen tiles with a loud thud, knocking over the stools that were beside you in the process.

“Oof!” Loki wheezed, “Ooh, my head…” He winced, holding his large hand to his head.

“Oh! Loki I-I’m so sorry!” you cried before getting to your knees and placing your hands on his shoulders. You peered down, trying to catch a glimpse of the spot he was holding, but instead was met with his trademark smirk. One that everyone knew meant trouble would soon follow.

‘Uh oh’ you thought. You immediately sat up straight, trying to make sense of why he would be looking at you that way. Before you could think, you felt two strong arms wrap around your body and pull you back onto the floor. He pinned you down with a strong arm before wiping more of the cream from your jaw to your neck. You gasped at the coldness of his slender fingers mingled with the cream and you wriggled underneath him, though he was tall and lithe he was heavy against your smaller form.

Loki managed to wipe more cream on you, not allowing you to escape from his strong grasp. His arm slipped and he accidentally wiped some of the sweetness in the valley of your breasts, both of your breaths hitching.

Loki’s playful facade fell as soon as he caught a glimpse of the small opening of your vest, which gave a perfect -and might he add, amazing view of your breasts. His eyes focused on your body, taking in every single detail it had to offer. From your chest, to your hair, all the way down to your hips. Dare he admit it, but he was enchanted by you.

“Forgive me,” he spoke, his voice soft as his eyes met yours once again. “But you truly are…one mesmerizing creature, Y/N.”

You swore on every single star in the sky, you felt your heart swell with the sensation of longing. You slowly reached a small hand to move a stray piece of raven hair away from his face, your fingers lingering on his jaw a few moments longer than they should have.

Everything was a blur as you felt Loki’s cool lips against yours, the mingled taste of strawberries and cream lingering on the supple skin. You laced your fingers into his long hair and tugged him closer to you, pressing your lips harder upon his.

You were jerked back to reality when you felt him pull away.

“I- I’m sorry, Y/N, for being so bold.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Loki, I haven’t gotten sticky whipped cream and chocolate syrup over me for nothing.” You giggled, pulling him down once more. You moaned as you felt his cool tongue brush against your own, your hips unconsciously bucking to meet his in pure need. You squeaked when you felt cold fingers brush against your jaw, tilting your head to the side.

Loki’s lips left yours, placing feather light kisses against your skin in a pathway to your neck. As lips and tongue left a wet path in their wake as they lapped up the whipped cream left there, you whispered his name, the sound of your voice and the bucking of your hips against his made him groan.

“Do you have any idea how much I crave this? Crave you? The taste of you? The feel of you? (*) Oh, darling, I’ve had plenty of feelings for you since the beginning. So beautiful, so kind, compassionate. I hope my feelings are not unrequited.” Loki confessed, his mouth brushing the valley of your breasts ever so slightly, collecting the white sweetness with his tongue.

“L-Loki, I’ve had something inside me, yearning for you, for a while. I need you, please.”

With that, Loki stood up from the kitchen tiles, pulling you with him. Gently pushing you against the counter, his hands found your hips and hair, he couldn’t decide whether to bring you closer or push harder against your soft body.

You let out a small whimper as his hands slowly snaked their way down to your hips, his nails dragging along your flesh teasingly, making you suffer in the best way possible. Loki dipped his face until it was resting onto your shoulder and began pressing little kisses along your skin.

A small sigh escaped your lips as his kisses slowly began traveling to the flesh beneath your ear, his lips sucking just enough to get a reaction from you. His hands worked their way from your hips until they were resting on the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down slightly..

“So beautiful,” he whispered, his voice was deeper now, yet filled with a hint of sincerity.

You felt your pyjama shorts sliding down your thighs, before they pooled around your ankles with a small plop, leaving you only in your underwear and fuzzy socks. You hastily kicked thee shorts from around your feet and your socks, sending them flying to the side of the kitchen, before leaning back into Loki’s touch as a kitten does it’s owner.

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do this, my love.” He confessed as he began undressing himself, slipping off the dark sweater from his body and revealing his incredibly toned torso. One that you found yourself growing extremely wet at the sight of. Loki was beautiful, despite his differences from his brother. To you, he was perfection.

“Please,” you whispered, feeling his erection pressing into your bum through his jeans. You felt his hands slowly making their way to your vest and one by one, began to unbutton each of the little buttons.

“Have patience, my love.” he smirked as he fumbled with the final button on your vest, pulling it back and letting the material slide off of your shoulders and onto the floor beneath you both, revealing the soft bra underneath, Loki dragged his slender fingers across the fine lacework, admiring the beauty of such an undergarment.

You could hear his breath hitch as his hands finally rested on your breasts, his slender fingers massaged each of them softly. He dragged his thumb across your nipples, before giving each of them an experimental flick over the thin material of your bra. You arched into his touch, your mouth forming an O.

“Oh my,” you breathed as a wave of pleasure coursed through your body.

He let out a breathy chuckle as he pulled away, earning a small whine from you. Loki quickly rid himself of his remaining clothes, tossing them to the floor without a single care in the world, leaving him in only his tight boxer briefs, his hardness apparent under the thin material.

“So eager, yet you listen to me so well, come, my love. Follow me to my room.”

Bending over slightly, you hastily picked up both of your scattered clothes, trying not to make your rendezvous obvious to those who came back this way. As you straightened, you gasped as Loki turned you around and bent down, throwing you over his broad shoulder, taking you back to his room.

“You cheeky bastard!” You squealed as you felt a light spank to your backside.

“Tsk, tsk. Such profanity from a pretty little mouth like yours, Y/N.” You both laughed at this, you let your arms dangle over his back and you dragged your blunt nails across his flesh only slightly, and you felt him gasp at the sensation. You got a lovely view of his behind and you smiled to yourself.

You felt Loki’s hands grip your thighs, gently digging his nails into your soft flesh. You arrived at the door then- because your felt your feet brush against the solid door. Loki turned the handle and walked in swiftly, setting you down on your feet. He twisted his body and locked the door, you watched as the muscles in his back rippled with his movements and were completely lost in him.

You were brought out of your trance when you felt Loki’s plump lips brush against yours and feather light fingertips brush against your waist. You let your mouth go slack against his, allowing his tongue to brush against yours again, mirroring the actions in the kitchen. You trailed your hands up his forearms, to his broad shoulders and all the way up to his hair, tugging slightly.

Loki let out a soft groan against your mouth, sending vibrations right down to your throbbing heat. He hunched and dragged his hands to the back of your thighs, not once breaking your ongoing kiss, and hoisted you up against him, pushing you gently against his bedroom wall. The coolness making you shriek, making Loki pull back to look into your dilated pupils.

“I’m a frostgiant, love, I don’t need my room to be warm, you should know that already…” He mumbled, placing butterfly kisses into your neck. His erection was pulsing against your heat and you ground yourself down onto him, both sighing at the tasteful friction of his hard cock against the damp heat of your panties.

He pulled you off the wall then, setting you down onto the soft mattress of his bed. He nestled himself between your soft thighs and kissed you fervently. You became nervous; you had done this before, but this was a whole different atmosphere, Loki was different to the rest of the men you had slept with. He was powerful, dominant, he was from another fucking realm for god’s sake.

Loki could feel you tense against him, “I sense your unease, but I’ll be gentle, my love, I promise, there’s no other way I would want this, with you right now…” His words were silk as he spoke and he connected your lips in a passionate kiss that made your arch your back, keening for more of him against you, you shifted your calf around his waist, pulling his hips closer to yours, eliciting a sharp groan from his chest as he felt your soaked panties grind against his clothed cock.

You rocked against each other like ocean waves, his hips shifting against yours, finding that much needed friction, “My sweet girl, so good for me, buck your hips, let me feel you against me.” The soft spoken words against your lips sent shivers down your spine, making you arch your back into him, your clothed core grinding against his once more.

Your lips broke apart, green eyes stared into Y/E/C and you felt his fingers tug at the waistband of your underwear asking for permission, and you granted him just that by swiftly nodding your head, bringing his face down to yours, kissing him deeply.

As Loki dragged your panties down your legs, your squirmed in excitement, the feeling of his cold fingers against your scorching skin making you wetter and wetter by the second. Kicking your panties off your ankles, you felt Loki set himself between your thighs once more.

“Do you want my fingers inside you, petal?”

“Mmm, Loki- please, I need you.” You soon felt to slender fingers part your wet folds, rubbing gently from your entrance to your clit, and you moaned loudly at his touch. He spread your slickness throughout your heat and slipped a single finger inside your sex, languidly probing at your g-spot.

“Such a good girl, Y/N,” Loki muttered, watching you as your face contorted in pleasure, your teeth digging into your bottom lip.  “So wet, darling, so wet, all for me?” You hummed and threw your head back against the soft pillow as he inserted another finger, curling and dragging them in, out, in, out.

“L-Loki, keep going and I’m going to-to cum.” You choked. At these words Loki quickened the pace of his fingers whilst his other hand came to to toy with your sensitive clit, bringing you closer to climax, but as soon as you neared the brink he removed both hands from you, making you whine.

“You’ll cum around my tongue first, petal.” His voice was low, gravelly, and it made you take a deep breath, your chest heaved in anticipation as he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking your juices off of them whilst keeping his emerald eyes locked onto yours, the action was so erotic you couldn’t bare it.

He proceeded to kiss you then, the taste of yourself on his tongue as his hands reached behind you to rid you of your bra, flinging it across the room in haste. The cool air of his room made your nipples harden, making Loki take the chance to tweak and roll them between his fingers, making you take a sharp breath as you arched your back, yearning for more of his touch.

He shifted down the bed and used his large hands to part your thighs, his grip tight but gentle. He blew a soft puff of cold air on your heat and you jumped.

“You are a goddess, you deserve to be worshipped properly, pleasured like there is no more time in the world, let me give you this, Y/N.” You felt Loki’s tongue lick a thick stripe up your glistening folds. His tongue gently separated your lips, nudging the small sensitive nub that was your clit. You weaved your fingers through his thick, dark locks, tugging sharply.

You gasped, feeling the amazing sensation between your legs. You had your fair share of men please you throughout your life. You’ve had them try their hardest to touch you just right, eager to find what makes you tick. But none of them, no matter how hard they tried, could achieve what Loki was currently achieving at the moment. He made you crumble beneath his touch within seconds, and worshipped your body as if it were the last thing he would ever do on Midgard.

Your fingers weaved their way into his black locks again, gently tugging them as his lips connected with your clit gave a harsh suck. Your body, as if it had a mind of its own, arched off of the bed as he pleasured you, one of hands stayed gripping your hip as the other slithered its way up your abdomen, massaging each breast.

Loki pulled away suddenly and peered up at you, his mouth and chin glistening with your juices as he gave you a mischievous smirk. “Does that feel good, my love?”

“Hmm, yes, Loki-”

“That’s it, Y/N, say my name,” He intentionally groaned, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure straight through your clit and you tumbled down from the immense orgasm. You were a panting mess, writhing and yanking at his hair as you came down from your high.

“I-If that’s what your tongue can do I can’t imagine what your cock can-” Loki silenced you with his lips, the familiar taste of yourself lingering on his tongue. “No need for filthy words, Y/N” Loki muttered against the skin underneath your ear, he could feel hot precum leak from his painfully hard cock, it almost drove him insane.

You relaxed and draped your arms around his neck, basking in the temporary silence, the only sound being both your heavy breathing. You snaked your hands down towards his hips and you palmed him through the thin fabric of his briefs. A choked groan tumbled from his lips at the gentle feeling. You continued to rub your palm across the length of his erect cock through the thin fabric, making Loki buck his hips into your touch.

“You can take them off, love.” You hooked your thumbs into the thick waist band and slowly tugged them down, your small hand curved over his ass, squeezing slightly and giggling at his shocked reaction. Loki didn’t flinch when the cool air of his room brushed against his swollen length, and it didn’t surprise you; he was a frostgiant.

He kneeled and shifted his boxers down his legs because your arms couldn’t reach. His cock stood proud and tall against his pale abdomen, the pinkness of his head contrasting beautifully against the pale.

Loki hissed in pleasure as your warm hand wrapped around him, your fingers smearing the precum around his tip. You began jerking him slowly, squeezing him here and there.

You let him take over, and you spread your legs until you were completely exposed to Loki again. Your breaths came out in short little puffs as he hovered over you, his green eyes darkened with a lustful gaze. You felt your entire body humming with excitement as he reached between your bodies and grasped ahold of his cock and gently ran it along your glistening slit.

His eyes found yours once again, but this time, instead of the predatory, lustful gaze, it was filled with love and passion.

“My love, as much as I want you to take you now, have you any precaution?” Loki’s gaze was serious, and he was relieved when you murmured the words ‘I’m on contraception’.

With a languid thrust of his hips, Loki was sheathed completely inside of you. You took a moment and felt the fullness of him inside you.

Loki held one hand on your hip as the other caressed your jaw as he gazed at you.

“You are divine, my sweet girl, so beautiful. (*) I will take you. Slowly, softly. And then I will claim you. Swiftly, thoroughly. So much that you will cry out for more. Your gentle whispers of my name shall become ragged screams of exhilaration.” He claimed your lips with his he began to slowly thrust in and out of you, the lude sound of slickness along with the sound of heavy breathing engulfing your senses.

Your arms hooked under his and your nails dragged down his back, bucking your hips to meet his thrusts.

“Patience, remember what I said, Y/N.”

You became the opposite, you wanted him thrusting harder, deeper, faster, you needed him pounding into you. Your wishes came true as you felt Loki’s large cold hand inch your thigh above his slim hips. Loki began to quicken his pace, though he kept his grace and steadiness whilst sucking your lip into his mouth, his teeth nibbling at the soft flesh, bringing a groan to rise from your throat.

“Ah-aaahhh, Loki I-” You hissed through your teeth as you felt bottom out, the tip of his cock hitting your cervix, as he pulls out to push back in again, his head brushes against your g-spot. Loki anchors himself by threading his fingers into your hair and pulling- not too rough, and not gently either. His other hand ventures down towards your heat, his fingers begin to draw pressured circles around your bundle of nerves and you begin to writhe against him in pleasure.

“That’s it, my good girl, cum for me, yes, cum for me, Y/N.” You feel your walls clench around him as your orgasm approaches at his words, with a swift pinch to your clit with his cool fingers, you come undone around Loki’s cock, your muscles contracting against him, adding pressure to the thick vein on the underside, egging his own orgasm on.

“Ah, fuck, Y/N. You’re so good for me, petal, my goddess, let me see those beautiful eyes.” Loki’s face contorted with his orgasm, as yours did prior. You felt the hot, thick streams of cum fill you as he almost collapsed on top of you and it prolonged your own orgasm, making you scream his name.

As Loki pulled out of you, he peppered tender kisses over your shoulders and neck. He shifted to lean on his elbow to look at you in your naked glory, the sweat was apparent on both of your flesh, gleaming in the soft light emitted from the lamp next to your head. Loki stroked a single finger over the skin of your cheek.

“I don’t think I’ve loved anyone as much as I love you, Y/N. It’s such a foreign feeling.”

“It’s okay, I love you too, Loki,” You pulled on a strand of his hair playfully, a smile adorning your lips, “though, I think we should shower, my hair’s gone a bit sticky from the chocolate syrup…horny.

~

Permanent Tags (guys i lost my list wtf im improvising):

@buckyshattergirl @hopelessgarbage @bucky-nugget @jezzula @scarlettsoldier @grooveandshit @papi-chulo-bucky @barnescrazy

Why People Fall In Love

Muses: Jeon Jungkook.
Words: 4.7k words of cringe worthy fluff.
Type: fwb!au + fake dating!au
Note: This is another my ‘to be posted’ scenarios, posted.  Yay. :D

+ An agreement to become Jungkook’s fake girlfriend and a trip back to his hometown lets you see more of the Jeon Jungkook who you think is only made of Friday hookups and boyish charms.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


“So let me get this straight, your brother’s bringing his girlfriend home for dinner this weekend and you ‘sorta’ blurted out that you have a girlfriend too just because you want to prove that he’s wrong about you not being able to keep a girl?”

Sheepishly, Jungkook smiles and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorta.”

At his nonchalance, you lightly smack his chest; it’s not like he’s going to feel anything if you straight out punch him anyway. “He’s totally right!”

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Voltron Season 3 Thoughts

Okay, here’s my quick thoughts on Voltron Season 3:

- It felt like half a season, so I’m assuming it was and what we’re getting in October will be the rest of it, even if it’s called season 4. 

- I don’t think the whole “who flies what lion” issue is resolved and that it will come back to bite us in the ass in October. 

- I don’t trust Shiro and this makes me very uncomfortable. 

- The middle episodes were a little confusing? And choppy? 

- Allura’s bayard is awesome. 

- I’m sad we didn’t get to see more focus on the “new” team developing like we got in season 1. Poor Allura didn’t get the attention she deserved. 

- Sven and Slav, lol. 

-  “Look, I’m glad we’re all making fun of Lance.” Keith, my guy. Thank you. 

- Lance going to Keith about his insecurities. There were quite a few Keith and Lance moments actually, which I loved. But I can’t help but feel that even though Keith gave Lance a winning smile and tried to reassure him, this issue will crop up in October. Something is going to happen there and I get the feeling Lance is going to pay the price. And since Keith is becoming more dependent on Lance as his right hand, it will be… I’m not looking forward to this. 

- Lance and Allura moments in the beginning. 

- Alternate realities?! Holy fuck! So Slav’s entire character was foreshadowing?! Did not see that coming. 

- Um, I cried during the final episode with the paladin history, omg. That whole story was really heartbreaking. Especially with Haggar at the end being, like, husband? Wah? So how does Lotor fit into this? What are the family dynamics then? Very interesting. 

- Baby Zarkon was a huge fucking dork and I loved it. 

- Lotor is great and I love him. A+ boy, good boy, precious son. And his generals were just as badass as I expected. A++, great ladies, love it.  

- Lance being supportive but also hyper-critical of Keith at the same time. Their dynamic never ceases to amuse me. 

- No Matt–that must be from Season October. 

- Okay, seriously, you redesigned Shiro, but his hair is still so stupid? Like, c’mon now. 

- Lance being a leader and a serious character, and Hunk also being a serious character. They’ve both matured, but I’m sad we didn’t, like, see it? Like this whole season was a lot of “telling” instead of “showing,” and then “showing” without enough context. We didn’t get to see much development of anyone (except Keith and Lance’s relationship) so that’s kinda sad.

- Shiro chasing after Voltron was super sad and heartbreaking.  

- There’s something up with that cat and his lady.

- I love Baby Zarkon. Save him, poor awkward son. 

- Good all around. It wasn’t season 1, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. Solid.

Originally posted by demondetoxmanual

Flirt

Request: okay so I saw how your requests are open and yay! and could I request a Bucky x reader? like something about how he loves flirting with her and getting her flustered because she’s kinda shy, and she thinks it’s nothing but he really likes her? sorry if it’s too specific.- anon

Bucky Barnes X shy!Reader

Word Count: 1312

Warnings: None? 

A/N: Hi! I hope this is okay. I’m a terrible flirt, so I did my best with this!! I hope that you like it, and that it’s nice a fluffy after my last one-shot. Feedback would be awesome! :) xo 

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Will Roland stage door experience

all i can think about is when i met Will at the stage door and told him that i was in love with his voice and i could just listen to him talk forever and he smiled really wide and thanked me and was just being adorable and then someone like 6 people down just yelled really loudly “ARE YOUR TEETH REAL” and Will had the most amused and incredulous look on his face and he looked at me and then at the person who asked the question and then back at me and then responded “Yes, i use them to sing.”

i love this man

Dive Right In (Part 2)

Summary: In order to not pay out-of-state tuition, you ask your childhood friend, Bucky Barnes, to marry you. Things, as always, never go as planned. (College AU).

Word Count: 1,221

Part 1

A/N: @howlingbarnes is your best friend. And this story kicks off with Bucky’s personality shining through :D LMK what you guys think!

Originally posted by ariesw1493

Arriving before Bucky and Steve, Kayla and you were assigned a booth by the hostess and you slid across the seat to take the middle seat. Kayla placed her purse next to you.

“Gonna go to the bathroom,” she said. “Be right back.”

“Wait, what do you wanna drink?”

“Water! I’m thirsty.”

“For Steve,” you said with an exaggerated wink.

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The Tea is Decaf

[ao3]

3.7k words
Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen
Based on this text post

Castiel just barely slips out the door into the hallway and turns the knob as he closes it so the latch doesn’t make a sound. The light is always on in the hallway, and Dean always wakes up if too much of it pours into his room, so Castiel has mastered the art of slipping through the smallest space possible.

He breathes a sigh of relief once he’s in the hallway.

A small voice to his right lets out an amused laugh. He turns to see a particularly tiny woman wearing a very large plaid shirt and nothing else. Well, he supposes she could be wearing shorts under the shirt. It really is very big on her.

“You must be Castiel,” she says rather loudly, mispronouncing his name just slightly.

He walks over to her with a finger to his lips.

She puts her hand over her mouth in embarrassment before signing, I’m deaf.

Castiel mouths an “oh” before dropping his head and laughing. He then pops his head back up fast and mouths, “Are you Eileen?”

She nods eagerly and signs, You’ve heard about me?

Sam has mentioned you a few times, he signs back. He says you’re a very good hunter.

Her face lights up. You’re damn right I am. Still, that’s very sweet of him.

So, are you two…? Castiel looks back toward Sam’s room and then down at Eileen’s shirt.

Eileen’s eyes widen in embarrassment. He’s asleep. I was just going to the bathroom.

I was heading to the kitchen for a cup of tea. Would you like some?

Is there caffeine in it?

Not at 4 in the morning.

Eileen smiles and gives him a thumbs up before moving past him toward the bathroom. Castiel watches her go for a second before it hits him.

He looks down at his plain black t-shirt and too-small boxer briefs and wonders if Eileen could tell that these clothes aren’t his. And that he came out of Dean’s room instead of one of the countless other extra bedrooms in the bunker.

By the time Eileen pads into the kitchen, Castiel has two mugs ready with decaf teabags in them and he’s standing at the stove staring at the pot so he can pull it off the burner before it whistles.

It’s only a minute longer before Cas pours the water into the mugs and takes a seat across from Eileen at the kitchen table.

You’re an angel, aren’t you? Eileen asks as her tea steeps.

Castiel nods as he takes a drink.

Does that mean you don’t sleep?

Sometimes I do. I didn’t feel like it tonight.

Is Dean good in bed?

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Instruction: Hold up as many fingers as drinks it takes to get you drunk

Now Steph’s phone may not have been working, causing a slight distraction for those trying to focus on the Patricks, but take a look at Matthew

Is that 1? Can we get a zoom to confirm

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a solid 1. You heard it here first, it only takes one alcoholic beverage to get Matthew Danger Fear Impossible Lightweight Patrick drunk

Angel in the Darkness pt.5

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

Summary: After a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. Little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft. Jin, but not romantically)

Genre: Smut (M), angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au

A/N:This is a dark and filthy story! Graphic descriptions of sex (masturbating, etc), heavy dom/sub undertones, drug use, vulgar language use……(alot of smut comes in later) This is a mature read! You have been warned!

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 



The bright sunlight behind the curtains, stirs you awake from your deep sleep. There’s a faint smile stretched upon your lips, as you feel as if you’ve had one of the best naps in the longest of times. Your eyes are still closed shut as you try to flex your stiff muscles; only you can’t.

As soon as you tried to lift your arms, you hit something very hard and muscular. Huh? That’s weird. You can also feel that your legs are entangled, and something wrapped around your waist.

You didn’t mind the feeling, as you were still too tired to process things, and because it brought great warmth, but then you heard it; a faint grunt. Your eyes instantly shoot open, and you blush hard when you realize you’re wrapped up into Jungkook.

His face is mere centimeters away from yours, and his eyes are still closed shut, indicating he’s still asleep. You can feel his hot breath, gently tickling your red face, as his hair is all over. You peer downwards and see that his left arm is securely wrapped around your waist, as both of you were laying down on your sides. His long, thick legs were clumsily tangled with yours, and you were finding it hard to breathe since you were so close to him.

OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!?!

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Boner

2,500 Followers Oneshot

Summary: The reader moves into a new town and finds out something surprising about her new gorgeous neighbor.

Prompt: “I’m not sure if you’re trying to turn me on but I have a boner now.”

Pairing: neighbor!Dean x Reader

Requested: @whispersandwhiskerburn


Change.

You’ve never despised a word so much in your god damn life. It mocks you, rips every little aggravation from the world and throws it right into your fucking face. It’s turned your life completely and totally upside down. Then it spun you the fuck around just to make sure you’re officially screwed.

Having just moved from New York two weeks ago, you can now call Nashville home. Forget a different state, you feel like you’re in a freaking different reality. The friendly residents alone throw you for a loop. You’re slightly convinced that they have some ulterior motive. Then again considering the shady fuckers in your past, you could just be paranoid. 

Growing up in a big city has given you a tough exterior that the men around here seem to be intimated by. It must be the way you carry yourself, also the permanent bitch face that you’ve acquired over the years.

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i’ve been listening to romanian songs again, including that one B)