this is just as unhealthy as being addicted to one direction

Krasivaya-Chapter 1

Summary: You and Bucky Barnes have been friends for years, you are deeply, completely in love with the super soldier, but he sees you as nothing more than a little sister, what happens when Bucky starts to date in earnest?

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Bucky x OFC

Warnings: Smut, Angst, Self-Esteem issues, Depression?, Anxiety.


You wish he would see you, just once, but you were firmly in the friendzone. It was frustrating, and painful to know that you would never be more than just his friend. You were one of the guys. It didn’t matter how feminine you dressed, or how much makeup you wore, he would never see you.

“Mornin’, Krasivaya,” Bucky murmurs, slinging an arm around you as he escorts you to the kitchen for breakfast. “How’d ya sleep?” he inquires, the smile he graces you with melting your insides to a puddle of goo.

“Good, B. You?” you reply.

He smiles wickedly. “Didn’t get much sleep to be honest.”

You glance at him worriedly. “Nightmares? Why didnt F.R.I.D.A.Y wake me?”

He laughs in earnest. “Nah, baby girl, you’ll see.”

Furrowing your brows, confused at his upbeat demeanour, you enter the kitchen. The entire Avengers team is deep in the throws of breakfast. It’s loud and obnoxious, incoherent yelling and bickering morphing into a jovial atmosphere that has you smiling. You spot a flicker of blonde next to Steve, and Bucky disengages from you, beelining straight to the unfamiliar face.

Confused, you follow only to freeze in place when Bucky wraps his arms around the blonde, nuzzling into her neck, murmuring sweet nothings that leaves an acidic taste in your mouth.

What fresh hell?

“Melissa, this is (Y/N). She’s like my sister. (Y/N), this is my best girl Melissa.” He smiles at you, big and wide, and so happy.

Pain blooms in your chest and you suddenly can’t breathe. Hands curling into fists at your sides, you chance a glance at Steve. His smile is jovial, but his eyes show the truth. He’s well aware how much this is hurting you, but he plays his part as Bucky’s best friend.. Eyes flickering to Nat, she dips her head in silent support. She’s always thought Bucky an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of him.

Bracing yourself, you plaster on a fake smile. “Melissa, it’s wonderful to meet you,” you greet, some how managing to make it actually sound like the truth, even as you bleed from the hole in your heart.

She eyes you warily, before plastering an equally fake. “(Y/N), I’ve heard so much about you! I finally get to put a face to the name.”

She beams while you try and swallow the bile rising in your throat. You falter, your mind coming up blank. You can’t form words, can’t think past Bucky looking so hopelessly in love with this golden goddess.

Steve, thankfully comes to your rescue.

“You ready for training, doll?”

Bucky frowns. “She hasn’t even eaten yet, punk. Can’t you give her a five minutes?”

Your heart breaks a little more at the concern he directs toward you.

“Nah, Bucky. It’s fine. I’m not all that hungry, and Stevie and I have plans. Don’t need to throw up on him when he lands a punch to the middle.” You pat your belly. Training with Steve it wasn’t a matter of if he caught you, but when making the excuse for your lack of appetite one that had heads nodding all around the table. All except the most important one.

Bucky’s frown deepens. “We were supposed to hang out…” he trails off, the confused puppy eyes making you bite your lip to keep from caving. Then she speaks, making you hate her more.

“Leave them alone, babe.” Melissa eyes him coldly. Bucky relents, confused by the direction his impromptu introduction to his girlfriend has taken.

“I wanna join, Sestra,” Nat remarks. “With a little more practice, we can keep you from getting hit in the belly.”

You nod, sending her a grateful smile for playing along, and gather what remains of your wits. Steve rises from his chair, grabbing you by the waist, and tucks you beneath his shoulder, trying his best to lend comfort.

“We’ll meet ya in the gym, Nat. (Y/N) an I have things to discuss first,” Steve says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

Bucky’s expression momentarily flickers at the sudden affection Steve is showering you with. His eyes harden with warning, a soft growl leaving his chest that he tries to cover with a cough.

Ignoring him completely, you let yourself be steered toward your bedroom, numb to the going ons around you. This couldn’t be happening. You knew you weren’t Bucky’s type. You were by no means as beautiful as Melissa. You didn’t have long legs and boobs for days.

You were plain. A little quirky. You had an unhealthy addiction to cupcakes, meaning your hips had a little extra on them. You were soft in a few places where, sure you kind of wished you weren’t, but it had never really bothered you before.

But seeing Melissa on Bucky’s arm, they fit. Two beautiful people. They belonged together. Still, couldn’t someone have warned you? Instead you’d been blindsided, hurting you that much more.

A soft sob escapes your throat, and Steve picks up his pace, throwing open the door to your bedroom and ushering you inside. He slams the door shut and pulls you into his chest, stroking your hair as you breakdown. The anguish of being overlooked, again, comes out in waves. You’re shaking, clutching at Steve’s shirt, while he makes shushing noises.

“Why am I never good enough, Stevie? Why can’t he see me?” you ask, your tears wetting his too tight t-shirt.

Steve doesn’t answer, he doesn’t know what to say. How to explain that you were the best kind of person, and there was no one better. He settles instead on trying his best to calm you down. Every bitter sob that escapes you drives a nail deeper into his heart. Tracing soothing circles onto your arms as you slowly come down from your hysteria, he asks, “Wanna skip training? Have a movie day with Nat and I?”

You hiccup, and shake your head yes.

He smiles brightly, grabbing his phone from his pocket, sending a quick text to Natasha. He leads you toward the bed, burritoing you gently into the blanket. Hooking up the laptop to the T.V, something you taught him because, let’s face it, Steve was electronically impuissant. He flicks to True Blood, your favorite show, and settles himself next to you. Picking up your cosily burritoed form and depositing you on his chest, his comforting presence briefly chases away the ache in your heart.

A tentative knock on the door and a “Sestra” reveals Nat, laden with all sorts of junk food. Wicked smile on her face, she bounds over to you, and Steve, throwing a packet of Oreos at you. “Let the pig out begin!” she yells dramatically, making you giggle. Grabbing  your hand, she squeezes briefly, Steve strokes your hair.

For the briefest moment you almost believe that everything will be okay.

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so media, and indeed society in general, has this horrible habit of glorifying and romanticizing codependent relationships. i really want people to be educated about them and why they’re unhealthy, so i’d appreciate if everyone could help me spread this around! feel free to add anything in the comments you think i’ve overlooked.

what is a codependent relationship?

a codependent relationship is one where the parties involved are unhealthily dependent on one another. it does not have to be a romantic relationship, but can be platonic, familial, etc. it will usually posses one or more of the following traits:

  • one or both people feeling incapable of handling the world without the other
  • one or both people feeling as if you are incomplete are unwhole without the other
  • one or both allowing one to have an inordinate amount of control in the other’s life; living in a way to please them; significantly altering one’s self or behavior to meet the other’s standards
  • one or both prioritizing the other’s needs and wants above one’s own
  • one or both having an unwillingness to go about life without the other

why is this bad?

besides the blatantly obvious reasons, here are some of the negative impacts/possible if not likely outcomes of a codependent relationship:

  • inability to cope or go about daily life without the support of the other
  • increased anxiety/depression/hyperactivity/indecisiveness without the other
  • increased jealousy/over-protectiveness
  • falling apart of outside relationships due to prioritization of one (loss of friends basically)
  • emotional and/or physical isolation from everyone besides the other
  • loss of individuality and control over one’s life
  • suffering of one’s individual education/career
  • refusal of separation when the relationship turns abusive
  • loss of free time
  • unhealthy obsession with the other
  • increased responsibility of carrying the entire emotional burden of another person

some of the effects of a breakup from a codependent relationship:

  • bouts of depression/anxiety
  • isolation
  • suicide/self-harm/addiction/binge eating/other self-destructive tendencies
  • worsening of effects of pre-existing mental illness
  • inability to reconnect with other people
  • loss of direction in life
  • a WHOLE wealth of other problems that would not fit in this list honestly

a common misconception is that intensely attached relationships like these are beneficial for people with mental illnesses because of the extra support given, when in fact it will often exacerbate the symptoms over time as the individual loses the ability to cope on their own and prioritize the other person above their own well-being.

there are varying degrees of severity of codependency, but that does not mean that ones that are lesser are not still unhealthy.

steps you can take to prevent codependency in a relationship if you are concerned:

  • discuss boundaries. lay out with your partner a basis (or schedule if need be) on which to spend time with one another that does not cause your other relationships, career/education, and personal time to suffer severely.
  • make room for personal time with friends, without the other person. maintain your outside relationships. if you ignore them for the sake of your partner, you’ll slowly lose them, and won’t have anyone else by the time the relationship has run its course. this will also ensure that you can maintain individual relationships with others on your own without the influence of your partner. (also, anyone would be able to tell you that trying to spend time with two people that are attached at the hip is very uncomfortable, and oftentimes devaluating)
  • find other emotional outlets and support than just the one person. find friends who can help  you with your problems too, so the entire weight of them is not put on your partner and you have somewhere to go for help and support if you lose them.
  • take a time-out. spend a couple of weeks to a month apart, not spending extensive time together. while this may seem daunting, it will help you reassert authority over your own life and readjust to not being dependent on them. this also gives you and your partner time to take a breather and reflect if things are getting intense.
  • break it off altogether. this can be a terrifying, if not unthinkable, prospect. but if you cannot be together and maintain your own lives and personal agency despite your best efforts, then you need to call it quits, no ifs ands or buts. 

you, your sense of self, and your ability to go about life without leaning completely on another person is more important than any relationship could ever be. it is not romantic or even CLOSE to ideal to unable to be away or without another person, no matter what any show, book, or movie says. this does not mean you are alone or that other people don’t matter, but that what matters most is you. feel free to love a person with all you have, but don’t let that be ALL you have.

now go out and form some healthy relationships, okay?

Erase Me

Summary: What hurt him the most, was that he wanted you to breathe. Yet, he couldn’t seem to let you go.

Type: Angst

Member: Baekhyun x Reader (featuring J-Hope of BTS)

Warning: Mild Language

Length: 2,916 words


Okay so sorry for what’s coming. Recently I’ve been in an angsty mood and I couldn’t really work on the Baekhyun fluff in my documents. So I decided to try another version of him. I hope you understand… I’m really nervous about this one too, because it’s my bias and I want it to be up to par. And it wasn’t requested by anyone, I just felt inspired to write it. Enough rambling now, you can now progress (if you haven’t already). Inspired by the song I’m addicted to at the moment, Error- VIXX.

-Admin Gray

Originally posted by katherine80595

Suffocation.

That was what he had felt throughout the entirety of your guys’ relationship.

He couldn’t remember when he had become so miserable in the duration of the time he would make for you. He couldn’t recall when your smiles had stopped being the greatest treasure he had ever looked upon. It seemed that somewhere along the line, you had stopped being the person who made his heart beat fast.

Baekhyun was a man who didn’t like holding on if he wasn’t happy anymore. But you had been a different story to him. You were someone who remained with him in his weakest moments, when he was beyond terrified that you would leave him when he revealed his vulnerable side. You comforted him when he felt the dark and scarring claws of depression trying to snake around him. You kissed away his tears whenever he felt he wasn’t good enough. You made him Byun Baekhyun, the strong, witty, and bold guy everyone seemed to love. So why would he just give up on you when his love had started to fade?

Keep reading

Here we go.

Want to get to know me? Really? Aww!

[ Hello ]



[ Do brackets annoy you? ]



[ Wow, you’re seriously going to attempt getting to know me?? Alright then, before we begin this long and tiresome charade, let’s clarify a few things.. ]



[ I’m quite nice in general. I however do not like weirdos, if you’re a creep, this is your cue ]

[ I am extremely blunt and direct ]

[ I like to generalize, you might be an exception, i did not write this post just for you, however special you may be ]

[ You’re awfully adventurous delving deep into my hyperactive and bored mind ]

[ You must be bored too. We have lots in common! Yay! I love your shoes. That’s a nice outfit you’re wearing. You look lovely. Carry on. ]

[ Wait, get comfortable first! ]



[ I love people, i just don’t find many interesting. So technically, the law of averages works against you.]



[ However, You might be awesome.. please, feel welcome to change my mind]

[ In fact, since you’ve decided to hang around this long and get this far, you’re probably nice in some way, or persistent, and definitely very patient. ]

[ Okay, Lets go. ]



[ My name is Arias ]



[ You probably just pronounced that wrong ]



[ I am extremely picky ]



[ I like coffee ]



[ I like people. I wouldn’t be able to live without people. Yes i know i’ve said this before.]



[ I love talking ]

[ American and Canadian accents are adorable ]



[ You don’t know me, but you’ve already started forming an opinion. That is judgemental and i’m okay with it. ]



[ You probably wouldn’t understand me even if you did know me, yes i’m pretty confusing and all over the place. ]



[That takes special skills! ]



[ I’m From London ]



[ I also live in Los Angeles, Sydney and New york ]


[ Because i can ]



[ I travel a lot ]



[ I’m 6’3 ]



[ I like short girls ]



[ Not midgets. Short girls ]



[ My dad’s white, my mum’s spanish .. Incase you wondered where the “Tan” came from ;) ]



[ I’m English ]



[ Yes i have an accent, it’s very London with a hint of Sydney]



[You should hear me say.. “Ghetto Booty” hahaha ]

[ I like my accent though, it’s weird!]



[ I’ve played Piano, Guitar and Violin since i was 4 ]



[ I write lyrics and music when i’m bored ]



[ No i will not write you a song ]



[ Yes i can sing ]



[ No i will not sing for you ]



[ I love to cook ]



[ No i will not cook for you ]



[ I’m blunt so i can come off as an arsehole sometimes, i keep saying this incase you’re getting mixed signals ;) ]



[ I’m quite nice in general as long as people don’t act like idiots ]



[ Such a clusterfuck! ]



[ I love Disney movies and cartoons! ]

[ Batman!! ]

[ Lion king!!! ]

[ You sure you don’t need to take a drink break? ]



[ I’m passive, i really don’t give a fuck ]



[ So we’ve just established that i will not be your trick monkey ]


[ or your human puppet ]



[ enough. ]



[ Make me smile, make me laugh, i’ll get addicted to you ]



[ I’m a cuddle whore ]



[ I’m attracted to pretty faces and beautiful smiles ]



[ First impressions count ]


[ I’m a dreamer ]



[ I love to plan dreamy dates and sensational moments ]



[ Yes i know it sounds lame, so what? ]



[ I have sleep issues. I like my issues ]



[ I love to read ]



[ I think you’re spiffy because you’re still reading this ]



[ I’m bored right now, so i may NEVER stop. ]



[ I LOVE to cook. I even bake my own bread haha ]



[ If you tak lyke dis, dun fuhkin tak 2 me mkay? ]



[ Right. got that off my chest ]



[ I swim, i run, i eat unhealthy, my body is so confused, but it’s pretty to look at? muhaha ]

[ Yes i have a fake evil laugh]



[ I love music, i have way too much music for one guy ]



[ This is annoying, but i will power on.]



[ I’m hopelessly romantic ]



[ No. I’m not looking for anything or anyone, i need a break from crazy psychotic girls lol ]



[ Romance.. is so misunderstood, please find me a nice sappy romantic girl who likes cheesiness!? ]



[ I’m broken, most people are. ]



[ Yes, it’s a cliche and No. You can’t fix me, i don’t want to be fixed, i want someone to like me for who i am ]



[ Wow. I didn’t stop. You didn’t stop. We’re still here and we’re meant to be *gushes* haha ]



[ I’m always bored ]



[ I like conversation ]



[ I don’t particularly like pictures, i figure that if there is something beautiful enough, it’ll burn into my memory, enjoy the beauty without being behind the camera all the time ]

[ You’re beautiful. Possibly. ]

[ I love your smile <3 aww! Ok,
Moving on.. ]



[ I can be perverted if i like someone ]



[ No, this does not imply i want to talk dirty ]



[ Or.. that i want you to talk dirty ]



[ Please try not to be too creepy.. PRETTY PLEASE? ]



[ I’m also moralistic ]


[ Boring old skool shit lol ]

[ I love my imagination ]



[ I have a major oral fetish, mmm i could give oral 10 times a day and be happy forever! ]





[ No, probably not going to happen, Concentrate!! ]



[ I have never had a one night stand ]



[I’m very picky and fucking frustrating ]



[ Are you Captain Entertainment? Sent to rescue me from the trescherous depths of boredom?]



[ Didn’t think so.. ]



[ I love cookies, they make me happy ]



[ I love cold miserable rainy weather]



[ I’m cheeky ]



[ I’m complicated ]


[ I’m now tired of writing ]



[ Okay, this is where our one sided conversation ends ]



[ Go on.. Judge me! ]

[ Then message me! I’ll be all happy and stuff ]

Kik: ariasss

One Year From Now 1/3

Timeline: As title suggests, it’s set about a year from now.
Genre: Fluff.
Prompt: A collection of ficlets, Lindsay and Jay “a year from now, two years from now, twenty years from now.

& “Hi, I love your writing, you could write something like linstead in this moment on CPD, but living together a few months, then Erin finds pregnant or think she is and freak out, so Jay calms her down.”

A/N: This was the cutest prompt ever. I know I took my time writing it, but I wanted it to be good. I hope you enjoy reading this, as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Huge shoutout to my friend and beta @dylanobrienstyler​ who always takes time for me! If you ship Stydia, you can go send her prompts :)

Also, S/O to @allenting​, because I was a bit lost for a minute, and she helped me figure out what direction I wanted to go with this.

Erin Lindsay does not panic. She has always prided herself on keeping her cool, even in the worst of events. But realizing she is almost a week late for her period makes her want to curl on the floor of the bathroom and never leave.

Keep reading

Negative Expressions of the Zodiac Pt. 1

Low vibrational expressions of the signs tend to reject the very radiance of their true qualities, much like the clouds covering up the light of the sun.

By rejecting their qualities, there maintains a similar association with these qualities, as instead of embracing their instincts all energy is still spent on acknowledging and rejecting their instinct.

While these expressions can appear anywhere in the chart, the most visible expression is through the Sun, Mercury, and Moon sign. Below are some of the telling signs of someone working on a lower vibration, Aries-Virgo.

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Outcasts - m.

member: Jeon Jungkook

genre: Angst, Smut,  Runaway!au

warnings: Nsfw, Mature Content, Depression, Alcohol and Drugs use

  words: 2.7k

“We’re like two halves of one heart.”

Originally posted by jjks


You didn’t hesitate to climb out of your bedroom window, it was one of those tiresome nights. Where you wanted to curl up in a hole and shut the world out completely. You grabbed what you needed, some cash and a pack of cigarette along with a lighter. 


You have problems with your parents, it was like being locked up in jail inside that house. A house was supposed to feel like a home, home is where your heart is. Your heart wasn’t there. They forced you into making decisions you didn’t wanted, setting up strict rules to follow and they were never happy for what you’ve done. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What are ur thoughts on yoko ono? I'm researching her art and I'm thinking abt her as a person I can't remember any actually real like bad things she did I guess but u seem to know the dirt I just wanna know b4 I say I'm a fan ya know? Or just to know about her all around character and it's hard to look it up bc ppl mostly say she evil bc she"broke up the beatlez""". You know? Anyways thank u.

Ye I gotchu. The thing is, when people say they hate her because she broke up the beatles, what they are seeing is that she’s not a very likable person. But they won’t put in the time or effort to figure out why. “She broke up the beatles!!!” is a lazy excuse for an underlying problem. Kudos for doing some research first. GET READY FOR A SHITBOAT OF INFORMATION.

How do you define a really bad person? She certainly didn’t kill anyone, but I definitely don’t like her. Many many many many people she has interacted with have given accounts of her manipulative and obsessive behavior, and she was a lost cause to me once these behaviors began to affect John and his family. 

Ironically enough, she was actually our commencement speaker at Pratt a few years ago.

The first thing I feel I have to say is that I don’t believe she broke up The Beatles. Ringo had already left once and George walked out during the recording of Get Back. John had previously expressed his desire to leave but Paul was insistent on keeping the group together, and I’m glad that was the case. Otherwise we wouldn’t have Abbey Road.

If I want to be nice about her relationship with John, I would say half of it was unhealthy because they fueled each other’s bad habits, and the other half was unhealthy because they were actively abusive to one another. I would never say that they didn’t love one another, but I would say that their relationship was harmful. Here is a timeline of their relationship [x]

Let’s start with how Yoko met John. The popular story is that John was invited to one of her shows by a third party. The reality is that she had been… basically stalking him (while they were each married to other people), and persisted even after receiving no response.

“On many levels she was very manipulative. I think she knew exactly what she was doing from day one. She played it innocent, but I think she had it all planned.”

-Julian Lennon [x]

This is a passage from Peter Brown’s book (Brian Epstein’s second hand man, who was also featured in a line from The Ballad of John and Yoko), The Love You Make: An Insider’s Story of the Beatles. [x]

John and Yoko were both addicted to heroin from the late 60s to early 70s. John stated that it was because of the lack of acceptance Yoko was receiving from friends and the general public. Although this turmoil affected the both of them, it is a prime example of the bad habits they shared, and not a nurturing environment for a healthy relationship.

“Heroin. It just was not too much fun. I never injected it or anything. We sniffed a little when we were in real pain. I mean we just couldn’t - people were giving us such a hard time. And I’ve had so much shit thrown at me and especially at Yoko.”

-John Lennon, Lennon Remembers, Jann S Wenner [x]

In 1972, John met one of his longtime idols Chuck Berry. While they were performing together, Yoko started screeching into a mic and freaked Chuck Berry and pretty much everybody else the fuck out. John was embarrassed in front of his idol, and the video became infamous. Look at Chuck’s face, that is the face of FEAR. [x]

They were also intense dieters. John’s troubles with food were no secret. His self esteem fell into a downward spiral after a reporter called him “the fat beatle” in 1965. While I don’t believe he had an eating disorder, he was very obviously underweight and struggling with his image. Yoko was nothing but encouraging of this endeavor, and even joined him on some of his diets.

“We had a picture of Orson Welles in the control room as “Don’t do this,” because he was enormous. So yeah, John was conscious of his image. And he always thought of himself as the fat Beatle.”

-Flipp Brynn [x]

“John and I were having a heart-to-heart, then all of a sudden John went off about how powerful men had ravenous appetites and wanted to swallow the world whole. And he thought that was why he had this horrible problem – being hungry all the time and overeating.“

- Harry Nilsson [x]

The Lost Weekend 1973-1975: even when Yoko wasn’t with John, she needed to be in control of who was. In ‘73 she suggested that John move to LA to build sexual relationships with other women. Little did he know that she had been setting him up with their receptionist May Pang all along. May had this to say about it;

Yoko said John would start seeing someone new and she wanted it to be “someone who would treat John well”. I now sensed a bombshell coming. I was thinking: “If they split, who will I be working for?”

Yoko continued: “You don’t have a boyfriend.” I dropped my pad and pen. Did I just hear right?

I assured her I wasn’t interested in John, if that’s what she was thinking, but Yoko didn’t stop there: “I think you should go out with him.”

I was dumbfounded and kept telling her no, but apparently her mind was made up.”

-May Pang [x]

’…. the relationship between May and John was essentially initiated, controlled and then terminated by Yoko Ono.‘ 

-May Pang, forward for Loving John

While the initiation of their relationship was forced, May Pang had a positive influence on John. She encouraged him to re-engage with old friends (including Paul McCartney), and even arranged the first visit he’d had with his son Julian in over four years. Being with Yoko seemed to have disconnected him from the world.

Notorious for the public perception as an orgy of drink and drugs, the Lost Weekend also found Lennon regaining his musical creativity after an early 1970s lull, reconciling with Paul McCartney and rebuilding his relationship with his son Julian, both of which were encouraged by Pang. In March 1974 she took the last known photograph of Lennon and McCartney together.

-Beatles Bible [x]

There were instances where Yoko would call and ask about everything John had done that day, but refused to talk to him when May would offer. Yoko had closed the door on their relationship, and turned it into a one-way mirror.

VG: With Yoko telephoning daily it must have felt like a third party in the relationship. What was it like for you and John?

MP: The problem was 99% of her calls weren’t “Hello, how are you?” First they were directives to keep our relationship quiet, which was fine with me. Then John ‘announced it to the world’ by kissing me for Time Magazine and crisis mode kicked in. She would call with instructions of what to say, that she had thrown John out. She’d call everyday to remind us of what to say. One drama after another.

VG: Did you and John ever discuss marriage or having children together?

MP: Only when Yoko threatened to divorce him, John told me, “Soon I’ll be a free man…” One thing I learned being with John was to live spur-of-the-moment. There was always some new, unplanned adventure, almost on a daily basis.

VG: Did yours feel like a permanent relationship, or was there always a feeling that John would eventually go back to Yoko?

MP: Sometimes it would feel permanent, but he could be jerked back into Yoko’s mind games very easily. Also, as our relationship began so strangely I suppose it would have had to end just as strange, this was at the point when he was making moves to make a complete break from her. We were about to buy a home in Montauk, John had cemented a closer relationship with Julian as well as with Paul and plans for us to visit him and Linda in New Orleans too.

-May Pang and Viv Goldberg, Beatles Bible [x]

Now I can’t say that the lost weekend is 100% Yoko’s fault, but she went to excessive lengths in order to control it. John cheated on her, and there’s been evidence of her cheating on him as well. This is what happens when you have a relationship founded upon infidelity.

In 1975, Paul convinced Yoko to take John back (funny how that works, or maybe Paul is just a good person), and they had Sean less than a year later.

But wait a minute! Yoko had a daughter too! This is a sad story and could be a factor of sympathy for many readers. What ever happened to her? Her name was Kyoko Chan Cox (raised under the name Ruth Holman) and she was born in 1963 of Yoko’s second marriage. Yoko and her husband Anthony Cox were having trouble with their relationship. They ultimately divorced in 1969. Yoko ended up losing the custody battle and was deemed an unfit mother due to her drug use and mental history. Unfortunately, Cox disappeared with then 8 year old Kyoto during the battle and sadly Yoko didn’t see her again until 1998. 

I feel like I need an entirely new post, or maybe even a book, for Julian. Yoko was very cruel to him. If Julian called their house, not only would she prevent him from talking to John, she would also pretend the phone call had never taken place. When John died, Julian was seventeen years old. There was a very sad article I read awhile ago which explained that when John passed away, Julian and Cynthia were anxious to get to New York to attend his funeral. Yoko initially prohibited either of them from coming, but eventually struck up a deal where Julian was allowed to visit but Cynthia had to stay behind in Wales. Cynthia recalled how worried she was in the airport while she was seeing him off. Her son’s father had just passed away, and she wasn’t able to stay with him to make sure he was okay. I can’t find the article at the moment, but if anyone knows about it please add a link.

Immediately after he passed away, Yoko auctioned many of John’s things to private buyers without offering any of them to Julian. He spent most of his inherited estate buying his father’s possessions back from these buyers, including a postcard he had written to his father when he was a young boy. [x]

Yoko had even withheld Julian’s trust fund for 16 years.

“In the original divorce settlement, Julian was to receive £2,400 a year in maintenance and to inherit a £50,000 trust fund when he was 25. After a long legal wrangle, he secured a further settlement from the estate in 1996, the details of which he is forbidden to discuss. “No,” he says, “I don’t think it was necessarily fair, but I’m OK. The last thing I wanted was a court battle because there’s much more money on the estate side than my side.”

He didn’t much care about the money, he says wearily; it was the principle of the thing. He’s not after a sympathy vote, but what he found really sad was the lack of any personal mementoes, “seeing nothing offered to me at all, having to go out and buy back Dad’s stuff with his money”.

He recently paid £30,373 for the Afghan coat John Lennon wore on the cover of the Magical Mystery Tour album in 1967; £17,246 for a black velvet cape (worn in the Beatles’ film, Help!), and £25,000 for the scribbled notes of the song Hey Jude, written by Paul McCartney for Julian when his parents were splitting up.

-Julian Lennon interview with Elizabeth Grice, 1998 [x]

I think I’ve linked this interview with Julian twice already, but it’s a really great video and you should definitely watch it. [x]


There’s a lot of stuff here, but there’s also a lot more. If I wanted to be short about it I could have just mentioned how Yoko had John calling her “Mother.” With what we know about John and his mother, that nickname made Yoko out to be an invaluable person in his life. 

Okay, I’m pissed so I’m gonna rant.

If I was a new fucking parent, like Briana, I would not be out drinking and partying, not even a month after my baby is born, one, because it could hurt me, as your body still isn’t back to its normal routine, alcohol could damage cells and it could possibly, put you into hospital.

Secondly, if my baby had been born a month ago, I would not go out clubbing and drinking, fuck no, I’m not saying new parents should have no freedom but I’m just saying, getting pissed with my cousin would be the last thing on my mind.

Third, if I was a new father, like Louis, I’m fucking sorry to say this but going out with my girlfriend and smoking and drinking would not be a fucking priority, Louis is a respectful man and he loves children, he has 6 younger siblings for goodness sake, he would not abandon his child like his father did to him, I believe that if this entire thing was real, he would maybe call it off with Danielle for a while until he’s spent at least a couple months with his child.

Forth, again with the Danielle and Louis shit, what kind of father worries about walking around town holding his ‘girlfriends’ hand when his child is in need back at home, I do not believe for a second that Louis would go on about how excited he is and how happy he is to be a dad and then rarely ever see the child because he’s constantly with Danielle.

Fifth, doesn’t it seem strange that not one of louis’ bandmates and best friends have congratulated or seen their 'brothers’ baby, they’ve always said they’ve been as close as brothers, I don’t believe for a second that this billionaire boy band, who are on a 'break’ would not come down to see Louis’ baby and i don’t believe for a second that they wouldn’t address it online.

Sixth, Louis’ family stayed out of this entire thing up until Freddie was born, they didn’t once mention Louis and how 'happy’ he was or about how 'delighted’ they are to have a grandson/nephew, his sisters stayed completely out of it until felicite outed their family and that’s when shit kinda blew up, that’s when Louis posts a pic and Johanna talks about how happy he is.

Seventh, if you ever question whether this is real or not, because it has to be real right? Johanna has addressed it and is completely happy about it, listen, if her son isn’t ready to come out and his contract doesn’t end until March, she’s going to stand by him, no matter what, because it’s her son, she wants to protect him, she’s not going to say 'nope Larry is real, Freddie is fake, guys go home’ because she wouldn’t do that, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, maybe louis/Harry are too scared to come out or maybe they aren’t ready or maybe they’re worried it’ll ruin their career, stop tweeting Johanna saying Freddie is fake, expecting her to agree with it because she’s not there to make herself happy, she’s there to stand by her son.

Eighth, do not tell me that Harry fucking styles, who loves children, who is supposedly Louis’ best pal, would have not congratulated Louis or seen and a had picture with him, do not fucking tell me that this wouldn’t happen, because it fucking would, the boys are staying out of this for a reason.

And finally, why would briana’s family choose to, up until late, post fake photos and ask people to post fake photos if it was real, if all of this was real, there would be no need to use other people’s photos, it’d be real, the jungwirths are money hungry fame addicted liars, also, do you really expect me to believe that oli is just around for the fun of it? No, he’s obviously, if the baby is real, got a big part in this, Briana has multiple sex tapes, one of which, Oli is featured in, if, let’s say that this baby is a real child, then I do believe that Oli has some kind of role in its life.

Oh, and a little bonus, put yourself in Louis fucking Tomlinson’s position, a billionaire, a woman tells you she’s pregnant and you’ve possibly seen her once in your life, do not fucking tell me that you’d just accept that news and believe that she’s actually pregnant with your child, do not tell me that he wouldn’t beg for a DNA test, and do not tell me that after being told about this so called baby of yours, you’d willingly pay out all of the money that they’re asking for, no questions asked because quite frankly, that’s a bit fucking fishy to me, he just accepts the fact that some random woman, who he’s seen once is pregnant with his child, no questions asked and he’s just supplying an unhealthy amount of money, no questions asked. fucking bullshit.

I hope that’s cleared it all up for ya.

anonymous asked:

What'd think of the claims that Lorna/Nicky is an abusive relationship? I mean it defiantly isn't the healthiest but I wouldn't go as far as saying it's that toxic but I'd never want to ignore someone's discomfort either

-rubs hands together- Okay, I’ve been waiting to answer this one until I had finished S4 so I would know everything and would be able to answer this completely and properly. I’ve been thinking about this question a lot since I saw it, because when I did see it, I hadn’t really seen anything on the show that I would imagine being construed as abusive. However, now that I’ve seen the S4 finale, I can kind of see where people would pick up that idea.

It’s a bit confusing though, so this is going to get long, I apologize.

First off, no, it definitely is not the winning article of a healthy relationship by any means. I mean, the obvious reason for that being that they are both criminals in prison. One is a drug addict with a self decrepit personality and the other is a very mentally ill person who is getting no diagnosis or treatment or even acknowledgment that she is not anything other than a straight up stalker. I mean, she IS, but it’s also very evident that she has a mental disorder that is driving that, because she also seems to have a very bad anger management problem that is coupled with it.

Do I think it’s toxic? Not necessarily. Unhealthy, yes, but with all the demons the two have personally as well as being in prison, there never was a chance of it being healthy or normal. However, Nichorello doesn’t really negatively affect anyone. The relationship itself, when not beaten down by the woes of prison life, actually seems to make both characters better. For instance, after the whole thing with Christopher in S2 and the staircase scene when Lorna finally realized that someone understood her and loved her even with her flaws, she seemed to be doing a lot better from what we’ve seen of S3. It was only after Nicky was gone did she retreat back into an unhealthy mental state. It was also after this scene that Nicky finally gave up the heroin she had stashed and while I do believe a majority of the reason for giving it up was for her own health as well as for Red, I do think a little bit of it was for Lorna too. She seems to want to stay off the drugs when Lorna is involved.

Of course, I’m not saying that’s a good thing entirely. Dependency on one person that is not yourself is not healthy, but it does show that the two want and do do better when they’re around each other. 

I also think basing any reasoning behind an abusive relationship from this past season is a bit invalid, because 99% of Nicky’s actions were driven by her drug use and falling off the wagon. For me, she was out of character quite a lot this season. At least, from the Nicky we know and love from the past three seasons and whether that’s bad writing or the drugs or both, I’m not sure.

Any abusive like tendencies that people see as such seem to come from both of the characters’ personal afflictions. Do I think they could work right now? No, absolutely not. But, if Nicky got serious help for her addiction and managed to stay off the drugs and be in a good place mentally and Lorna got help for her mental disorder (like ACTUAL help that’s y’know, helpful) I think they’d have a very fine relationship. They both have personal problems that they need to work out on their own. Nicky shouldn’t even be trying to start something up with Lorna right now because it’s unhealthy to start a relationship so quickly after getting off of drugs, as it develops a dependency that isn’t good for either of them.

Sooooo, in summary, the relationship itself is not toxic or abusive (in my opinion). It’s either characters’ personal problems that are causing the conflict and both need to be sorted properly; not just for the sake of a healthy relationship, but for the sake of a healthy life for both of them separately. It’s obvious to me that if they can work through those trouble of their own, they could work out, because they both show a deep love and attraction toward each other and there is no direct abuse that is coming solely from the relationship. Nicky is not yelling because Lorna won’t give it up to her, Nicky is yelling because Lorna is living in a fantasy that nobody seems to bother trying to tell her is a delusion and Lorna is not crying because Nicky is yelling at her, Lorna is crying because she understands she’s falling back into the pit of everything that happened with Christopher.

It’s not like Vauseman (which, I apologize to Vauseman shippers, I like it when it’s in the hands of the fandom, but not the show), which is very much a toxic relationship. Because Piper is emotionally abusive and tries to control every aspect of that relationship. All that’s coming from Nicky and Lorna is two lost people who both need help, with Nicky being the only person who understands Lorna as well as being self destructive on her own. Nobody is trying to hurt or control the other in this relationship. Nicky tries to help in areas that Morello obviously needs help in and Morello is too buried in her own delusions because nobody (aside from Nicky) tells her the truth, but instead, feeds her fantasies. Morello also doesn’t seem to understand that her parading about with someone else hurts Nicky, because Nicky is too stubborn to admit any feelings (of course that also comes from her undying belief that she is a horrible person and undeserving of love, which they actually BOTH have). For all Morello knows, Nicky just wants to have sex with her, because that’s her wall that she hides behind. That’s another thing they need is a nice little chat where they sit down and discuss where they’re at and how they feel, which I think would sort things out very well if Nicky would open up.

However, if someone is uncomfortable with Nichorello, I totally understand and wouldn’t want to ignore their discomfort either. I don’t have the same opinion, but that’s the whole point of an opinion; people can have different points of view on it. So it’s fine if someone thinks it’s abusive, it’s better than ignoring something that is abusive and lots of people have different triggers. 

But that long ass reply up there is my opinion on the matter <3

PETER HALE'S INTEREST IN STILES

There are numerous accounts where Stiles and Peter get along. For pale-weak-defenseless-147-pounds-of-frail-skin-and-fragile-bones Stiles to spend so much time with the psychotic-monstrous-lunatic-who-everyone-hates Peter without the latter killing the former (and not even injuring, ever), it’s a very strange dynamic for the show.

Unfortunately I can not point out all of these instances, but I will do my best to point out the most significant patterns between these two. 

I have three main speculations as to why this strange relationship exists between Stiles and Peter, but first let’s look at the evidence:

Keep reading

Since there are so many leaks out there, Jasper’s return was no surprise for me (sadly). Yet this episode was very worthwhile and there are so many things we need to talk about!

Let’s talk about toxic relationships

Malachite was the worst example of fusion, we have seen so far. (If we don’t count the Cluster and gem mutants as real fusion.) As Garnet said at the end of Jail Break: “They [Lapis and Jasper] are really bad for each other”. Jasper more or less forced Lapis into fusing with her and Lapis tricked Jasper to stay fused. Both are victims and offenders at the same time. They’ve hurt each other but yet they have been together for far to long.

The first surprise was that Lapis admitted to Steven (and herself) that she missed Jasper, even though being Malachite was terrible. And when Jasper shows up she falls on her knees and begs Lapis to fuse with her again. Even when Lapis refuses since their past was so horrible Jasper stays persistent.

It happens very often in toxic relationships that the partners involved can’t let go of each other. They might split for a short amount of time but they miss the false security of the relationship and prefer even a abusive one over being alone and feeling weak again. 

“I’ve changed!” Doesn’t that sound familiar? The whole conversation of Lapis and Jasper is a very good example how these things go in real life. False promises are made in toxic relationships too often in order to convince the partner to go back to how things were. (And things were terrible!) If you pay attention, you will see so many red flags in this short talk between Jasper and Lapis.

Let’s talk about consent

This theme seems to appear more often in Steven Universe now. And I can’t stress enough how important that is!!! Especially because it is a kids show. Why should we have to wait to learn about consent until we are teenagers? Do we really have to let these terrible experiences happen to us before we can address them? NO! Kids aren’t dumb and they will understand if you take time to explain. I used to be a huuugggeee Anime fan when I was still a teen but it took me 10 years to realize how dangerous some tropes frequently used in Anime are. Especially when it comes to consent. Very often one person forces another into a kiss in the I-know-you-want-it-too way and usually the other Anime person does want it but you can’t assume that someone wants something, too without asking them! And when they say no you got to respect it instead of forcing yourself onto that person. Even if the person only says no because they are shy, that doesn’t make any difference. There is nothing more awful than being kissed when you are not ready yet - even if you do like the other person. 

Sorry I’m getting off track here. The kissing thing was only an example and I want to point out that I don’t hate Anime and that Anime isn’t a bad thing in general. You can love something and still criticize certain aspects.

Back to Steven Universe. So yeah, consent was totally missing when Jasper and Lapis first fused and stayed Malachite. And now in Alone At Sea consent was missing again, when Jasper wouldn’t stop telling Lapis that they have to form Malachite again. She didn’t take no for an answer and to make things worse, she wanted to take her frustration out on Steven. She even blamed him for Lapis’ lack of cooperation. This shows that Jasper didn’t even listen properly to all the concerns Lapis mentioned. Otherwise she would have understood. But she didn’t want to understand. She wanted Malachite and that was the only thing that mattered.

Let’s talk about fusion

When Lapis admitted that she missed Jasper I wasn’t too surprised - I’ve had a certain theory about fusion for quite a while now. Back in Strong In The Real Way Sugalite went berserk because she stayed fused for too long. You loose yourself in a fusion when don’t separate anymore. Not only that but fusion can be kind of addicting. Amethyst and Pearl are always happy when Garnet wants to fuse with them since they feel so much stronger and secure as a fusion. Pearl even lied to Garnet to trick her into fusion over and over again in Cry For Help. And although Ruby and Sapphire are the best example of a healthy, loving relationship, they have been fused for so long that they can’t take their eyes off each other as soon as Garnets splits apart. The best example for that would be Hit The Diamond.

Keeping all of that in mind it seems to be very logical that both Jasper and Lapis miss being together, even though it was a horrible experience. Malachite was powerful and capable of so much more. And they were together for months, so they got used to each other and their situation in a morbid kind of way.

The difference between Lapis and Jasper is that Lapis recognizes that her feelings of missing Jasper are wrong and unhealthy. That she has to work this out instead of going back. Jasper on the other hand doesn’t care. She just wants to be strong again.

So what did we learn? Being fused for too long changes you. It changes your feelings. It changes the way you think. It is risky if you don’t keep the consequences in mind.

The reason Garnet can deal with it, is that she is a healthy fusion of pure love. But nonetheless Ruby and Sapphire are extremely crazy about each other and I think it is a direct result of being fused non stop, since they weren’t that flirty and easily distracted in The Answer as they were in Hit The Diamond. At least that’s my assumption.

What do you think? 

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere (Ziall)

Hello everyone! Here’s a little something for zavnhoran because she wanted Niall doting over Zayn and Zayn being flustered about it, I actually don’t know if it’s that good and I kinda wanted to go on, but if I did it just would’ve been a list of all the times Zayn and Niall doted on each other and that would get boring soooo… I think I ended it the best way I could hope you like it!

Summary: Niall just compliments Zayn a lot.

Zayn wondered how long it had been going on before he actually caught on to it and when he decided to think back on it, he realized that it had been happening pretty much since the beginning. And he felt really horrible for never noticing it until now.

Zayn knew that it was in Niall’s nature to think everything about the world was pretty great. Like when they had all been put together for the first time in X-Factor and here were five boys he’d never met in his entire life and there could be so many conflicting personalities and opinions and his entire dream was riding on these four pairs of unfamiliar shoulders and Niall was already planning outfit ideas for them, based solely on the shoes of a boy he knew nothing about. 

But at some point, Zayn noticed that there was something different about him. Niall treated him not differently, per se, but in a special way. He knew Niall loved each and every one of the boys unconditionally and in a way that was specifically tailored to that boy, but there was something that separated Niall’s love for the other boys with Niall’s love for Zayn. 

And it took Zayn a long time to figure it out and even longer to put a name to it.

~ ~ ~

“What were you going to say back there?” Niall asked, sidling up to him as they walked down the hallway towards where their car was waiting outside. He fell into step with Zayn, hands shoved in the pockets of his slightly-too-big jeans and eyeing Zayn curiously. It was the first time Zayn ever really realized that Niall did it.

“What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at Niall quizzically and the blonde’s lip quirked.

“You know, back in the interview, when she asked about how you felt about our dolls,” Niall said, nodding towards a little ways ahead of them, where Harry and Louis were having a fake lightsaber match with their little doll versions of themselves (though Harry’s doll’s pants were nowhere to be found) and Zayn’s eyebrows arched even higher. “And Louis interrupted you and you never ended up finishing the thought. What were you going to say?”

Zayn was surprised, to say the least. He hadn’t thought anyone had really noticed that that had happened. Hell, he had barely noticed it had happened. He was sort of used to it, not being ignored, but his voice being more or less stifled by the more enthusiastic ones in the group. He didn’t mind it, really, never thought what he had been planning on saying was anything monumental enough to make a fuss over. And besides, he got his two cents in, most of the time,  either by the boys not interrupting him or the interviewer prompting an answer from him.

“Oh, nothing, really,” he replied, shrugging. “Surprised you even noticed.”

“Of course I noticed,” Niall said, as if he wasn’t the one person who had out of all of them, including Zayn. “And obviously it wasn’t nothing if you were planning on saying something. Tell me.”

Keep reading

Unlimited Ramen
NH Month Day 5

Words: 551

It was a universal truth that Hinata Hyuuga had captured the heart of Uzumaki Naruto in her neat palms.

But it wasn’t until one, particular, incident that Ino and Sakura realised how much of his heart Hinata actually held.

They were strolling to a quiet teahouse during their lunch break and had found Sasuke and Naruto walking together. It wasn’t strange to see constantly bantering on the street at all. Naruto was one of the only people that Sasuke ever frequented with, the others being Kakashi and Sakura.

“Isn’t that Naruto and… Sasuke?” Ino asked, surprised. “I didn’t think that Sasuke walks in direct sunlight.”

“Probably Naruto’s influence,” Sakura tried to explain. “You know how he’s infectious. Since we’re all walking the same direction, we should catch up with them.”

“Good idea,” Ino agreed.

When Ino and Sakura caught up to Naruto, their eyebrows shot up to see the polar opposites in an agreeable conversation. Naruto yelled out a cheery ‘hi guys!’ while Sasuke nodded to them before slinking back into his collar. Polar opposites even in reaction.

And it seemed like they interrupted an important conversation because shortly after, Sasuke mumbled something into his collar.

“Huh? Did you say something, Teme?” Naruto asked.

“… so you’ll think about it?”

“About what?”

Sasuke growled, his hand twitching to hit him. “I just told you, idiot.”

At his blank look, Sasuke let out a sigh. It was refreshing to see that the sigh held no anger, only mild frustration and acceptance. It was slightly comforting for the Uchiha that although time may pass, Naruto will always have a thick head. Not that he’ll ever admit it, though.”

“I said,” Sasuke drew out, “Let’s spar after lunch and then go to Ichiraku’s. I will treat your unhealthy, addiction to ramen as much as you want.”

Sakura and Ino almost fell backwards with shock. They look at each other with their jaws almost touching the floor. An invitation to spar, to unlimited ramen and to socialise from Sasuke?! From Sasuke?!

Naruto snapped out of his shock faster than the rest. “Forgoing your hermit ways, huh?” he teased.

“Just answer already.”

His snappy comment made Naruto laugh.

Today was a momentous day in history. Today was the day hermit extraordinaire, Uchiha Sasuke, willingly extended a hand out to Naruto, endangering the contents his wallet in the process. Surely, Naruto was crying with joy; this is what he has been chasing for ever since they were genin! Uchiha Sasuke was finally socialising! Uchiha Sasuke was finally-

“Hey, I’d love to, Teme,” Naruto grinned at him. “But Hinata’s making ramen tonight and I’d hate to miss that even if it’s for Teuchi’s.”

-getting his offer rejected by Naruto?!

…Naruto rejected Sasuke’s offer of unlimited ramen?

“I’m sure Hinata wouldn’t mind if there’s one more to the party and-Ino and Sakura… are you guys crying?”

Naruto and Sasuke looked panicked at the tear-stricken women. Sakura grabbed a pack of tissues from her purse before offering them to Ino.

“She did it, Ino-pig,” Sakura sniffled. “She finally did it.”

“I’m so happy for Hina-chan.” Ino carefully wiped her teary eyeliner.

“Uhm, are you guys okay?” Naruto almost poked their cheeks. “And what’s this about Hina-chan?”

It was official. Hyuuga Hinata held Naruto’s whole, complete heart in her gentle hands.

_____

A/N: Inspired by a conversation I had with annalovesfiction about Naruto and Sasuke loving each other like Turk and JD. The day Naruto loves Hinata more than Sasuke is the day we bawl our eyes out.

The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it” - Rumi

Toxic relationships come in all forms and can be detrimental in so many ways, but they also offer the greatest opportunity for growth and learning. It’s within the mindset of growth that we can begin to navigate and resolve relationship toxicity issues in order to release and move on. This can be a very difficult thing to accomplish since the toxicity is much like a drop of ink that spoils the entire well, leaving a cellular toxicity, much like an allergic reaction, to this kind of abusive relationship. The poisoning of the well leaves us feeling “tainted” and eventually leaves behind a continuous cycle of grief in the emotions of denial, bargaining, anger, and pain – a cycle that can never lead to the Acceptance we seek in the form of Unconditional Love.

Keep reading

As Leto plays Chapman, he seems like a child not just in his timidity but in his explosive rages, to say nothing of his unhealthy attachment to a pop star.

KILLER ROLE: Jared Leto said portraying Mark David Chapman in Chapter 27 challenged him. You have to try to understand the human being there, he said. (Anne Cusack / Los Angeles Times)

Jared Leto in ‘Chapter 27’

Sam Adams, Special to The Times

Although he began his career as "My So-Called Life’s" adolescent object of desire, Jared Leto’s work since has been marked by a kind of reverse vanity. The uglier the role, the better.

Keep reading

10 Decisions That will Make You Happier & Healthier

We can create health and happiness by choice. Those choices are in how we think, act and react to the things we cannot control. These 10 decisions are choices we can make to lead happier and healthier lives – no matter what comes our way.

1. I am going to be nicer to myself. Our thoughts can be our enemy. Negative, self-deprecating and self-blaming thoughts are common. Get out of your head and sift out those thoughts that cause you worry and suffering and replace them with ones that are positive. Stop judging and evaluating yourself. Stop trying to label yourself and simply accept who you are. Treat yourself with the same kindness, respect and compassion you would show to a friend, or even a stranger. Being nicer to yourself also means taking care of yourself and taking the time to do what replenishes you.

2. I am going to find out what I love to do and do it. We spend time in jobs and other situations that we just do not like. It is important to find the things that bring us joy and spend our time doing them. You are more likely to be successful if you have consistent activities, hobbies and tasks that make you happy. The best way to do this is to havea career or job that you love. Because we spend so much of our day at work, it is important to do work that is meaningful and enjoyable. Think about what you wanted to be when you were young, about your perfect job and about the skills and talents you want to utilize. This may mean finding a new career path.

3. I can be strong on my own and leave a bad relationship. Many people have a relationship in order to be happy, complete and whole. A better option is to be happy, whole and complete – and then have a relationship. Healthy relationships come from our willingness and ability to live without them. When we turn to another person as our sole source of security, we are not in love – we’re addicted. If we are growing and we want our relationships to survive the other person has to grow too. But that does not always happen. Other times when we really get to know people we discover we don’t like them. And some people are just users or abusers. In all cases it is time to move on. When you are strong and whole, you always have the freedom to leave.

4. I am willing to give up the belief I can control what happens and will let go of the outcome. Don’t waste energy on or worry about the things you cannot control, which are most things. Let it go and become unattached to the outcome. We have little control over what others think, or how they feel or act. We have no clue what will happen in the next month or week or day. So because we cannot predict, we should not live and act with the thought of how will this all turn out. The process and being present is often more important than the result. You are neither the center nor the master of the universe. And that is a good thing.

5. I will identify and face my fears. The biggest reason we don’t change is because of fear. It acts as a huge barrier that gets in the way of moving forward. Most people know what they fear, but if you don’t, take the time to figure out the thoughts that stop you from doing the things you really want to do. These fears could be of failing, of looking stupid, of being in the spotlight, of being judged or rejected, etc. Whatever the fear may be, own it, replace it with positive self-talk and move forward despite it.

6. I am going to see failures, mistakes, traumatic events and shortcomings as an opportunity to learn and grow. There is a saying that there is no such thing as failure, only opportunities to learn. Our flaws and follies can be the most powerful teachers we have. They are usually more instructive than our successes. It is in our moments of weakness that we have the most to gain and the most to learn. In these moments when we are not our best there are signs that light a path for us. Failure can be a message, a signal that you’re off track and heading in a wrong direction. It is in our weakness, in bad times, that we are in touch with our deepest self. And that self is creative, innovative and a fabulous problem solver.

7. I will live my un-lived life and do something bold. It is never too late to do anything in your life. Sometimes you just have to go for it and stop making excuses. It is about living life fully and about having something to look forward to, to strive for. No matter what age, you can accomplish things and engage in activities that you always dreamed about doing – ones that inspire and challenge you. In my forties I learned to ride a bike, to rock climb and to play the drums. I made and crossed off items on a bucket list. That list adds spice to what could be a bland life. Do not be afraid to try new things, wear different hats and step out of your box.

8. I am going to give up the need to be perfect and define success differently.There is no way we can be perfect. So why do we try? Often it is because we judge success by being perfect or we feel we need to be perfect to be loved, noticed, rewarded, etc. All of these are fallacies. No one will ever be perfect and the drive toward perfection can wear us down because it is unattainable. We need to define our worth and our success differently. As giving it our best shot, as having an impact on the world, or as being able to use our talents and skills. It is our differences and our imperfections that make us who we are.

9. I am going to stop engaging in behaviors that are unhealthy. This encompasses a range of things you could be doing that will shorten your life: overeating, drinking, drugging, not controlling stress, etc. Whatever your vice may be, take some steps to basically stop killing yourself. This has two components, self-control and the ability to break habits. Self-control enables you to choose, and then persevere with your thoughts and behavior, in order to accomplish a goal. It also gives you the inner strength to overcome addictions, procrastination and laziness, and to follow through with whatever you do. Having self-control means the ability to reject instant gratification and pleasure, in favor of some greater gain. Also important is the breaking of the habit cycle by identifying the cues or triggers that start the negative behavior, the routine of the behavior and the rewards that reinforce it. By changing just one thing in the habit cycle, a bad habit can be broken.

10. I am going to stop worrying about the how and just move forward. We fail to take action because we get caught up in the myriad ways of how to take a step forward. You can’t predict your life, nor can you engineer the perfect next step, so stop putting pressure on yourself to figure things out. Step forward even if you are afraid or unsure. Acknowledge that and do it anyway. Step forward on faith that the Universe will do its work. Take some risks to walk down a path even if you have not worked out all the details. If you have a purpose, be willing to move forward even when you have no clue what the path looks like. Try and think more intuitively.

Trust teenage girls.
“I’ve put some thought into this question and while I’m not sure if I’m going to get it across clearly, I will try. In regards to the relationship arc in City of Fallen Angels and City of Lost Souls between Clary and Jace: While the notion that love can either raise us or tear us down is significant, how do you reconcile it with a relationship that becomes unhealthy both emotionally and physically? I mean, Jace clearly goes through a lot and while his altered state of mind/being lays the blame for his actions elsewhere, doesn’t the abuse Clary endures in the name of love a little bit perverse? As a somewhat adult (23), who is well adjusted, I accept and understand that the dynamics of a relationship are fluid but in recommending the series to teenagers who are considerably less rational and far more impressionable I worry that they make take the wrong message from the books. At times Jace and Clary’s relationship almost encourages females (or any partner in a relationship, though I would suggest the line of thinking tends to be feminine) to accept abusive tendencies in relationships and fosters the “it’s my fault”/”he didn’t mean to hurt me” lines of reasoning for the sake of love. Jace’s altered state of being reminds me of those who act out of abuse in the throws of addiction, and as such, the altered state allows the abuser an excuse for his actions. I’m not sure if I am reading too much into the dynamic but I am having a hard time reconciling the relationship with the strong and willful nature of Clary, as a heroine… any thoughts?” — (redacted but if you want your name included, asker, drop me a line and I will.) To address the specific question quickly: Except for the short scene at the end of Lost Souls, Clary does not have a relationship with Jace in City of Fallen Angels or City of Lost Souls at all, healthy or unhealthy. To clarify: Clary isn’t in a relationship with Jace because, as she realizes at the end of COLS, mind-controlled Jace is not Jace. He looks like Jace and professes to love her, but her arc is in realizing that that doesn’t matter, which is actually a mark of realizing what makes a healthy relationship. Clary sees beyond false-Jace’s looks and the feelings that apply to her to the bits that make him a good person and which have been taken from him: his morality and that common characteristic that they share, willfullnessi.e. the exercise of free will. Evil!Jace has no free will, and therefore isn’t Jace. That is not a fact that can be put aside or ignored. Fantasy is magic, which means it de facto explores situations that no one in our world is ever going to find themselves in, and for which there is no analogy. In this story arc Jace really is in a magic mind-control situation; that is not just a metaphor for something else. It’s a thing happening in the books. He has literally become, through magic, a totally different person. Yes, it’s true that there’s always a metaphorical value to a magical world, but a magical world is not only metaphor, or it isn’t actually fantasy.   The other thing that is interesting about fantasy is that if you do decide to read it metaphorically, its metaphors are often broad enough to be flexibly applied to a range of personal issues going on with individuals. For instance, someone wrote to me and said that the situation with Clary and Jace in CoLS helped them deal with their relationship with a partner suffering from depression; another that it helped them with a family member who had PTSD. Neither situation is what the book is about, but the metaphor was flexible enough for them to find something in it that applied to them personally.  If you do decide to read CoLS as a metaphor for an unhealthy relationship between Clary and Jace, well — Clary’s relationship with mind-controlled Jace indeed isn’t okay and everyone in the book knows it, including Clary. Her decision to go and rescue him is a brave one — and bravery is often willful and reckless, the direct choice to put yourself in the path of danger. She already thinks of  evil! Jace as dangerous. She plays along with his idea that she loves him to get the advantage, but at no point does she ever consider mind-controlled Jace her boyfriend, or skipping off into the sunset with him a viable possibility. The value mind-controlled Jace has that he is the key to getting back real Jace. When it seems that getting back real Jace would be impossible or at to high a cost, she resolves to kill mind-controlled Jace and then actually does it — it’s only luck and magic that keeps Jace alive after she stabs him.  Why would anyone want to emulate a relationship which everyone in the book thinks is bad, in which the only partner who is happy is mind-controlled, and that ends with the girl stabbing the guy presumably to death because he’s evil?  Which brings us back to the topic of teenage girls. What happens with Clary and Jace in CoFA and CoLS is thing that will never happen in real life, and teenage girls know that. They are not so stupid that they are going to read about a girl trying to rescue her boyfriend from being mind-controlled and decide that means an unhealthy relationship is desirable any more than they are going to read Lolita and decide they want to go on a road-trip with a middle-aged pedophile. Neither experience is presented as any fun, and while I strongly object to the fundamental idea that teens are parrots who copy any behavior that seems fun, I hope we can at least credit them with not wanting to emulate behavior that is no fun at all.  For a long time, growing up, I saw these kinds of messages about books being bad for you mainly coming from the far right — messages that said that teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to read books about characters who were gay/did drugs/got pregnant because they would immediately become gay, drug-addicted and pregnant. Now more and more I see this coming from the left as well — people who say that no one should read Laurie Anderson's Speak because it is about rape and it might be triggering. People who say that my books, or Sarah Rees Brennan’s books, or Holly Black’s books, or Maureen Johnson’s books, shouldn’t be read because they contain gay characters but those characters do not behave in the ways they think gay characters should behave (despite the fact that less than 1% of YA books contain gay characters, so once you start crossing books with gay characters in them off your list because “Alec is shy” — yes, I’ve seen that — you wind up with a smaller and smaller pile of books with any LGBTQ+ representation at all. I’m certainly not saying that I do an A+ perfect job of representing gay characters, but i do think it’s important to try because if no one ever tries, then there are no books with gay characters in them to be bought, and then no one will publish more and further, and they will stop existing. Imperfect representation is a stepping stone to good representation.) People saying that books with unhealthy relationships with them shouldn’t be read even if those relationships are depicted as unhealthy and everyone in the book thinks they’re unhealthy. Because, the argument goes, teenage girls are too impressionable, too stupid, to pick up on subtext, obvious clues, or even things that are outright stated in the text — or too stupid to notice if a writer is being sexist, or ableist, or homophobic. But they’re not. They notice those things; some of the best comments I’ve gotten about problematic issues in my own books have been from teens. Let’s just keep saying it. Teenage girls are not stupid. They are able to tell reality from fantasy. They are able to understand that when the bad guy does something, it means that thing is not something anyone is cheering them on to emulate (thus an entire generation was able to read Harry Potter without removing their own noses and committing genocide). Despite reading Percy Jackson and The Hunger Games, teenagers have not started killing each other with crossbows or swimming to the bottom of the ocean to see if they can breathe. And speaking of the Hunger Games, Katniss also has a mind-controlled boyfriend who treats her abusively – in fact her puts his hands around her neck and tries to strangle and kill her. Later, he gets cured, and Katniss winds up married to him. If we assume teenagers do not understand context (as Jace in CoFA and CoLS is not Jace at all; Peeta is in fact actually mind controlled, it’s not a metaphor for being on drugs or having anger management issues) then we have to worry about them reading The Hunger Games, too. And then you’ve opened up that big black pit that books disappear into when someone has decided that a book is bad for teenagers: sometimes the locked cabinet in the library, or even the dumpster outside.  Talking about problematic issues in books is great and necessary, but I am concerned with this new twist on an old idea: that every book that is problematic must be condemned. Literally every book on the face of this earth is problematic: books should not be kept from teenagers because they are problematic, and teenagers should not have what is good for them dictated solely by others.    If you are not a teenager now, then think of yourself when you were a teenager. Think of the book that kept you company and gave you succor and told you there were other people out there like you and helped you through dark times. Was it problem-free? I doubt it. Mine wasn’t. No book is. But it helped you, maybe saved your life. Now think about the person who wants to protect you from that book. Would you have thanked them?   I wouldn’t.   Trust teenage girls.
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