this is how i look in the morning don't judge

8

I live and breathe for Paperman. I live and breathe for RanPoe. So, what happens when I combine the two?

Mothefucking behold- a set of Paperman AU Paper Poe What Happens When You Let Me Bend Straight Romances screenshots for your thirsty RanPoe needs. 

And bonus: along with said pictures, you get shitty captions made by moi.

If you’re wondering how the hell does this AU work, click under the read more.

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'Shrek' sentence starters!
  • "Like that's ever gonna happen!"
  • "Whoa! Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?"
  • "This is the part where you run away."
  • "Oh really? You and what army?"
  • "Are you talking to... me?"
  • "Doesn't that bother you?"
  • "I like that boulder... that is a nice boulder."
  • "Please! I don't want to go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!"
  • "Oh this is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!"
  • "What a lovely bed."
  • "What do I have to do to get a little privacy!!!"
  • "Run, run, run, as fast as you can!"
  • "You're a monster!"
  • "Technically... you're not a king."
  • "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?"
  • "It's quiet... too quiet. Where is everybody?"
  • "That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
  • "The chair! Give him the chair!"
  • "What kind of quest?"
  • "Cakes! Everybody loves cakes!"
  • "No! You dense, irritating, miniature, beast of burden!"
  • "You know? I think I preferred your humming."
  • "If it was me, you'd be dead!"
  • "Oh, You can't tell me you're afraid of heights!"
  • "Let's have a dance then, shall we?"
  • "Two things! Shut. Up."
  • "I read it in a book once."
  • "You're just reeking of feminine beauty!"
  • "Wake up!"
  • "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?"
  • "But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!"
  • "Well I have to save my ass."
  • "That wasn't in the job description!"
  • "Lets just say I'm not your type."
  • "Oh, you were expecting prince charming?"
  • Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy."
  • "Tomorrow? It'll take that long?"
  • "I said, goodnight!"
  • "Come on! I was just kidding!"
  • "Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?"
  • "Why don't you want to talk about it?"
  • "Why do you want to talk about it?"
  • "Who you trying to keep out?"
  • "Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me."
  • "They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone."
  • "Show her to me!"
  • "Ah, perfect!"
  • "Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?"
  • "You know, you're not exactly what I expected."
  • "Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."
  • "What you're doing is the opposite of help."
  • "Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?"
  • "Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea."
  • "Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?"
  • "Wake up and smell the pheromones! Just go on in and tell her how you feel."
  • "Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry."
  • "Promise you won't tell. Promise!"
  • "You heard what I said?"
  • "Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!"
  • "Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet."
  • "Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention!"
  • "Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?"
  • "Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?"
  • "Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness! The chicks love that romantic crap!"
  • "I object!"
  • "Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me"
  • "Well, uh, that explains a lot."
  • "Ugh! It's disgusting!"
  • "No, let go of me!"
  • "Get out of my way!"
  • "I-I love you."
  • "Really, really"
The signs as It's Always Sunny quotes
  • Aries: You light one bitch on fire and EVERYBODY FREAKS OUT
  • Taurus: I can't believe they didn't include me in their suicide pact
  • Gemini: Cannibalism? Racism, Dee? That's not for us. You know, those are the decisions that are best left for the suits in Washington.
  • Cancer: I look like Lorenzo Lamas and women find it irresistible
  • Leo: Dayman ah ah ah, fighter of the Nightman ah ah ah, champion of the sun, you're a master of karate and friendship for everyone
  • Virgo: I EAT STICKERS ALL THE TIME DUDE
  • Libra: Can I offer you an egg in these trying times
  • Scorpio: Mac, I was gathering information so I can more fully become this man. Look, look, this is about much more than just business. This is about the thrill of wearing another man's skin. Feeling his inner most wants and desires and being in control of his every single move. That's how you get off. Now don't you guys want to get off with me?
  • Sagittarius: You guys need to start greasing some dudes or I'm gonna freak out
  • Capricorn: I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES BITCH
  • Aquarius: Cats do not abide by laws of nature, alright? You don't know shit about cats.
  • Pisces: DON'T MAKE THIS ABOUT MY WEIGHT
Cristala Sentence Starters (1x01)
  • "If you were my wife/husband I'd put poison in your coffee"
  • "It's embarrassing how much you want me."
  • "You know you gotta stop sending me these mixed messages."
  • "'I don't like you' and 'go away' are not mixed messages"
  • "I like the way you look at the world."
  • "So sorry I made you do that....is it weird now?"
  • "You've been misled."
  • "When I think about how much harder you've worked than my daughter to get where you are, well, then I'd have to be a fool not to hire you."
  • "You're very smart but you've got a lot to learn."
  • "Sometimes it's not so bad having you around."
  • "Just so you know, what I heard was 'I love you'"
  • "Well, if he's choking, you're doing that wrong."
  • "You know you really shouldn't leave your door open like that. Someone could walk in here and take your stuff."
  • "How dare you misrepresent yourself? And on the internet of all places."
  • "If he starts murdering you...text me."
  • "I don't judge people on looks, I judge people on money."
  • "I don't date. Not part of my ten-year plan"
  • : "Monday's pants, Tuesday's sweater: Wednesday's outfit."
  • "Can I? Yes. Will I? No."
  • "How do you look so good at four in the morning?"
  • "You know I love it when you walk away. It gives me a glimpse of your head!"
  • "Why do men think they can hoot and holler like great big apes?"
  • "I don't want to sound all grandiose, but we're kind of like Jesus."
  • "Clearly you've never punched anyone in the face."
  • "Are you rapping?"
  • "I almost turned him/her down out of some strange loyalty to you."
  • "You hurt me earlier. You made me feel like I didn't matter at all."
  • "Could the problem be the pet names?"
  • "You're awfully passionate about him/her"
  • "Oh, that is not fair! Do not be all loving and caring while I'm trying to be mad at you!"