this is how i get back at my cats

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

okay, so like there’s all this stuff about humans and the way we befriend all sorts of animals. but like, think about the way we interact with our pets. what if it’s not just the fact that we made friends with predators but that theses predators made friends with us back. the fact that there is a really clear bond between a dog or a cat and their owners and it’s reciprocal. the absolute love and devotion these companion animals show for us and us for them. think about the way you play with your pet and how an alien species might view it. or the fact that there’s a kind of rudimentary communication between species. the fact that I can tell the difference between my cat’s distressed meows vs. his i’m hungry meows. the fact that he prods me with a paw to get my attention, because he knows it works. that I can tell at a glance that my cat wants me to lay down a certain way so he can sleep on me. or the little greeting ritual me and my cat do when I come home for work – he meows really loud to be picked up… I sweep him into my arms and pet him, cooing goofy nonsense while he makes weird contented cat noises. think how absolutely flabbergasted an alien might be by the relationship between a human and their pet.

OMGCP characters as things my mom has said to me
  • Bitty: It's 3:30 in the morning and you have a sociology report due tomorrow why are you making a cheesecake
  • Jack: Hey could you step away from your hyperfixation for a second and look at this shirt design?
  • Ransom: [as im huddled in a ball under my bed] Is this because of school, the future, moving out, or all of the above?
  • Holster: I'm banning Moana songs from this house and it's all your fault
  • Lardo: If you don't stop drawing on your arms ill tape your fingers together
  • Shitty: WE GET IT, YOU'RE LIBERAL, JUST LET US EAT DINNER IN PEACE FOR ONCE
  • Dex: Did you...did you kick the dishwasher and then fix it BETTER than before you broke it?? ((note: this was a total accident))
  • Nursey: You look like a lesbian hipster in a portland vegan bakery
  • Chowder: If you called me in here just too tell me how nice your friends are AGAIN i'm adopting you off
  • Whiskey: Stop pretending you're cool we all know you cried over the Homeward Bound movie
  • Tango: I'll answer all of your questions about technology back in my day in a second just please for the love of god let me take a bath
  • Ollie&Wicks: How long have you been in the house?? i haven't seen you in like 3 days
  • Ford: You'd be a great politician, you're good at ordering people around and have a face that makes people inherently trust you
  • Johnson: please stop making me think about if i'm real or not while i'm buying toilet paper
  • Kent: You're never gonna get a boyfriend, your only redeemable quality is that cats like you
  • NOTE - im very very gay and like girls a Lot but im still in the closet, which is why these seem so uncharacteristically Hetero™
Job AUs

Part 1 | Part 2

General

  • ‘Hey bastard this store is already closed oh wait you’re hot never mind please do come in’ AU
  • 'I’m on the verge of tears because of a rude customer and you step in and stand up for me’ AU
  • ‘I can feel you silently judging me as you ring up my purchases I swear I’m not using these for their intended purpose’ au
  • ‘Why does this cost TEN DOLLARS THIS IS AN OUTRAGE’ AU

Hairdresser AU

  • ‘You’re my regular customer and I’m in love with the feel of your hair’ AU
  • “Rumor has it that you’re a hairdresser with magic fingers and you can fix any bad hair day so that’s why I’m here’ AU

Gift store AU

  • 'Why the fuck are you choosing that for a gift to your crush’ AU
  • ‘You walk in and offer to pay me to wrap your gifts’ AU


Florist AU

  • ‘I work as a florist and every day you walk in, buy one flower and give it to me’ AU
  • ‘I work part-time in a flower shop and you keep asking me about what this flower means in flower language and I honestly don’t know so you end up giving me a lesson’ AU


Jewellery shop AU

  • 'You walk in and ask for the most expensive piece are you loaded to the gills what the fuck man’ AU
  • ‘I’m the employee and this is the first time ever I’ve met you but you buy me a necklace saying the gem compliments my eyes’ AU

Coffee Shop AU

  • I write a bad pick up line on your cup every time I’m your barista’ AU
  • 'You’re the customer and you get back at me for all the times I’ve spelt your name wrong by mispronouncing my name in increasingly horrible ways’ AU
  • 'You’re really short and cute and you buy a cup of black coffee every morning but you make weird faces as you sip it and you never finish your drink are you trying to look mature or something’ AU
  • 'Should I be concerned about how much caffeine you’re taking in’ AU


Bakery AU

  • 'Your love of strawberry shortcake really doesn’t match your appearance but i still think that’s really cute’ AU
  • 'Every morning you walk in and inhale deeply then walk back out seriously just buy something already’ AU 


Drug Store/Chemist AU

  • 'You embarrassedly place your items into the counter so I call a price check just to make you feel more awkward, but it turns out one of your items were actually overpriced’ AU


Bartender AU

  • 'You’re the bartender and you catch someone slipping something into my drink’ AU
  • ‘I ask you to concoct something from all the ingredients on the list i gave you and it ends up tasting so horrible and wrong that i can’t stop laughing’ AU


Teacher AU

  • We’re both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from students and you’ve won for the past three years’ AU
  • 'Romeo and Juliet of the math and english dept. in school’ AU

Writer AU

  • I’m a writer and when it gets close to my deadlines I neglect taking care of myself so you’ll pop in my house every so often to make sure I’m doing okay’ AU


Fast food Chain AU

  • ‘You just ordered a smile and I look at you like you’re batshit insane before bursting out into laughter’ AU
  • ‘You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone’ AU
  • ‘We have a free refill policy for soft drink and you’ve prepared several empty bottles what the fuck’ AU

Corner Shop AU

  • ‘I see you come in here every day to buy the same drink and one day I leave a message on the bottle’ AU
  • ‘You run in looking really panicked and you ask for 6 gallons of milk why’ AU

 

Restaurant AU

  • ‘You’re a famous critique and I’m a server and I get so nervous that I trip and spill the dish all over you’ AU
  • ‘You’ve always been a good cook so I encouraged your start your own restaurant and seven years down the track you own one of the most successful businesses’ AU

Idol/Manger AU

  • ‘I’m your manager and holy shit you have crazy fans’ AU
  • ‘You’re an idol and you got the lead role in a romance drama and you practice at my expense’ AU
  • ‘Can you please act appropriately do you know just how many of your fuck ups I’ve had to cover up last week’ AU 


Firefighter AU

  • ‘You’ve just been saved from a burning building and you’re begging to go back in to save your pet cat’ AU
  • No that’s impossible how the fuck did you manage to get it to catch fire?!” AU

Sex Line Operator AU

  • ‘I called you because I was curious and wow you have a very soothing voice can you please sing me to sleep’ AU
  • ‘I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour’s’ AU

And Finally:

  • You’re a drug lord and I think I’ve just walked into your drug den’ AU

sorry not sorry

Types as Disney Villains

NOTE: Continuation to Types as Disney Heroines where I showcased the strengths of each type. This time, I’m focusing on the downsides and what the types may look like when unhealthy or looping.

ISTP - Aloof. Vulgar. Aggressive. Cold-hearted.

Originally posted by southernretardation

“I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!”


ESTP - Possessive. Boastful. Disrespectful. Immature.

Originally posted by all-things-disney-gifs

“Were you in love with her, Beast? Did you honestly think she’d want you, when she had someone like me?”


INTP - Lazy. Untrustworthy. Awkward. Cynical.

Originally posted by disneydeviants

“He’s gotta have a weakness, because everybody’s got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?”


ENTP - Facetious. Moody. Noisy. Obnoxious.

Originally posted by idlestrology

“Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives, I’ll smash it with a hammer!”

Keep reading

Secret Revealed

prompt: Combination of: · Okay now I really need to see Batmom and Batman fighting at a league meeting and someone(maybe Question?) calling out their bs, and An imagine where the justice league guy members shamelessly flirts with batmom just to rile batman up and he snaps when superman does it? He’s all like wrapping his arms around her waist and says : my wife not yours mine" and ·Can I have one on what would happen if Green Arrow sees Batmom for the first time and not knowing who she is turns to Jason -who had been standing next to him- and ask if Batmom is single?

AN: Cute and fluffy!

Words: 845


       Clark sits down in the seat next to yours and smiles, before reaching out to take your hand. You raise one eyebrow in question but don’t pull your hand back just yet. “So, I was thinking we could have dinner tonight. I know this restaurant by the sea, really nice place.”

          You bite back a laugh before looking over your shoulder to find Bruce standing just a few feet away, his eyes focused on you and Clark. He’s not the only one though, the rest of the league are staring as well.

          You lean in close and ask, “What did my husband do to tick you off this time, Kent?”

          Clark just smiles and says, “I have to write the wedding announcements for the next month because I disagreed with him over something. Plus, this also payback for all those fake fights I’ve had to endure over the years.”

          “How about I get you back on sports and I turn you down gently?”

          He grins, “I’ll take what I can get.”

          You lean back in your chair and say, “Sorry Superman, I’ve got plans.”

          “That doesn’t answer the question Hell Cat.” You turn to face Ollie, who’s grinning at you.

          You raise an eyebrow in question “And what answer are you looking for?”

          “That yes you’re single, and that yes you’re free Friday night, because I know this unbelievable little restaurant in Milan.”

          Your eyes flash to Bruce. His teeth are clenched and the look in his eyes is enough to make Jason back slowly away.

          You frown, “Sorry, I’m busy that night too.” Your eyes slide to Clark who’s trying so hard not to laugh.

          “So who’s taken up all your free nights Hell Cat?” You turn to Hal, who is leaning against the wall. “Cause when I asked you out last month, you were busy then too.”

          You take a deep breath and say, “Well you see boys, I’m married with two kids, so that doesn’t leave a lot of room for dating.”

          There’s a moment of silence before the men burst out in laughter. The few women in the room however are studying you closely. Huntress in particular has a knowing glint in her eye.

          The laughter is still going on when Question sneaks into the room. More often than not, the man would have gone unnoticed. He’s good at sneaking around, you’ll give him that. Helena’s grin just widens before she calls out, “Question.” The man just stops and turns towards his girlfriend. His hands are in his pocket, but he’s giving her his full attention. “Truth or Lie, Hell Cat over there is married with two kids.”

          The answer comes immediately “Truth. Hell Cat is married to the Batman. They have two adopted children, Nightwing formerly known as Robin, and the current Robin. They’ve kept their relationship hidden among the League for the past eight years, simply because they found it fun to mess with people’s minds. If someone were to look close however, they’d notice that the fights they put on never lasted more than twenty minutes, and they always left together. Their children find it infuriating.”

          There’s this stunned silence before Jason cries out, “Finally!” Then spins on his toes to face Green Arrow, “My mother is not single, stay the hell away from her!”

          You ignore the surprised faces of the Leaguers in favor of Question. “When did you figure it out?”

          “My second week. I noticed that your fights, while entertaining, never subtracted from the quality of a meeting, meaning it never interfered with something that needed to be done. In the case of a crisis there would be not contention on either of your parts, even if the two of you had argued about it previously. My theory was confirmed when I spotted the two of you making out in a dark corner.”

          You hear Jason groan, “Oh come on! I’m supposed to be the teenager here, not you two.” Then he turns around to leave the room and says, “If you need me, I’ll be on the phone with Nightwing telling him that everything has finally been exposed.”

          You smile as your eyes slide to the women in the room, mainly Shayera and Vixen, who are grinning at you. You grin before asking, “Yes?”

          Shayera grins, “You’ve been holding out on us.”

          Vixen nods, “All those girl’s nights out over the years, and you never told a story.”

          “Not every day a girl kisses the Batman. Spill.”

          You smirk and say, “That’s private,” before mouthing the words ‘next girl’s night out.” That seems to satisfy them.

          Standing up you stretch and walk over to Bruce. “Let’s grab our traumatized son and go home now.”

          “Grab Jason, I’ll be there in a minute.”

          You shrug and walk out of the room. Bruce turns to Clark who’s still smiling before he says, “You can have your sports section back, but you’re covering nothing but golf, chess, and badminton for the next three months.” Clark’s smile fades and all Bruce says is, “My wife, not yours.”

5

A couple of days ago one of my cats got outside and was hit by a car, she’s stable but most likely has a long long way to go… i honestly hate to do this but, with all the meds, tests, samples to send to the lab, special food because she can’t even chew rn and the fact she has to stay at the hospital for days if not weeks, vet bills are piling up incredibly fast, not to mention she’ll probably get surgery later and who knows how much that’ll be… so… i need help and here i am.

i’ll draw virtually anything (if you want something but aren’t sure if i can do it, please feel free to ask) and i don’t mind if all you have to spare is $1, you can pay what you want, i just really want my cat healthy, happy and back home as soon as possible. 

The only conditions for this are: i’ll just draw single character pieces (i may do 2 characters if they’re not full-body, but please ask), and they are just for personal use.

Payment would be to my paypal account, it is: esperanza.mendozabo@gmail.com and i would need you to pay before i start working (sorry, but i just don’t want someone to back off and go away once i already finished a piece)

If you have at least a little bit to spare please consider, and if you can’t, that’s fine too, but please help me spread this

my art blog is @prancing-pixie btw

2

i let you go, annie

“It’s Been a Long Time” Sentence Starters

Muse A and Muse B haven’t seen each other in years.  Put one of these sentences in my ask to have your muse react to seeing my muse again after such a long time.

  • “It’s been awhile.”
  • “I can explain.”
  • “You’re supposed to be dead.”
  • “How did you get here?”
  • “Please don’t leave me again.”
  • “I need you to tell me the truth about where you’ve been.”
  • “I never thought I’d see you again.”
  • “I’m so glad I’ve finally found you!”
  • “Whatever rock you crawled out from under, you should crawl back.  Now!”
  • “Well, look what the cat dragged in!”
  • “I never thought I’d be so happy to see you.”
  • “Do you remember me at all?”
  • “Why didn’t you let me know you were okay?”
  • “Well, fancy seeing you again!”
  • “I never stopped looking for you.”
  • “What are you doing here?”
  • “I know you said you never wanted to see me again, but - ”
  • “Please don’t pretend like you don’t know me!’
  • “How dare you show your face around here!”
  • “What are you doing in a place like this?”
  • “You haven’t changed one bit.”
  • “Why did you just walk away like that?”
  • “Did you even stop to think about what your disappearance would do to me?”
  • “I know, I know - I’m supposed to be dead.”
  • “It’s a long story.”
  • “I-I’m sorry I left without saying anything.”
  • “I’m sorry I never contacted you.”
  • “Do - I know you?”
  • “Please don’t ask where I’ve been.”
  • “Miss me?”
  • “Please don’t let this be a dream.”
  • “How long have you been here?”
  • “Did you ever even try to look for me?”
  • “You said you’d never come back here!”
  • “Thank god I finally found you!”
voltron characters as things i have heard people actually say in my ap classes part two:

sendak: “i would willingly stab out my own eye with this pencil if it means i look more badass”

haxus: “sometimes i just look at myself in the mirror and think ‘holy shit i’m so attractive’ or ‘who the fuck dragged this piece of shit out of the garbage’ and there’s just no in between”

thace: “sometimes i sigh so loud that i’m genuinely surprised my lungs aren’t catapulted from my chest cavity”

prorok: “wow can you believe you get to breathe the same air as me ??? you must be blessed *finger guns*”

rolo: “wanna hear about the time i saw jesus after mixing four shots of caffeine with two red bulls and a redline ??? lol i don’t know how i’m alive either but i got my essay done in like twenty minutes”

nyma: “i got an 89 on the last essay and a 36 on the one we just got back and all i can say is get you a girl that can do both”

shay: “*shoving cloth into her bag from the theater department* i keep telling everyone that i own cats but it’s a lie. its a dirty dirty lie these are for the raccoons that visit my backyard. i also buy cat food for raccoons can you believe the predicament i’m in”

kolivan: “bitch i would punt you into the sun no hesitation”

ulaz: “my life is the bee movie except every time someone says ‘essay’ i die just a little more inside”

antok: “everyone says i’m a chill guy but my life is crashing down around me and my internal monologue is one giant keyboard smash on caps lock *takes sip of coffee*”

Dear Evan Hansen in Hogwarts AU (headcanons!!)

(takes place in an “OOPS CONNOR IS ALIVE” au!)


•Jared gets placed in Ravenclaw mainly because of his computer skills and because it’s also a house that holds people who are, well, unique

•Alana is in Slytherin for her determination and ambition, despite wanting to be in Ravenclaw because she’s convinced all the smart people HAVE to be there

•Zoe, tough and independent Zoe Murphy, gets put in Hufflepuff and while everyone else is floored she isn’t the least bit surprised

•Connor gets put in Ravenclaw because again it’s a house that welcomes people who are considered weird or out of the ordinary and we all know Connor has been considered a “freak” by so many people after the second grade printer incident

•And Evan Hansen—the anxious, reserved Evan Hansen—goes to Gryffindor. And everyone goes INSANE. You can even hear Jared from the front of the Ravenclaw table yell “wHAT THE FUCK?” before promptly getting whacked on the head by Connor.

•Alana is absolutely terrified of all the other Slytherins at first because of all the stories she’s heard about Slytherin being a bad house and stuff like that and because of that has trouble settling in

•But then one Slytherin girl befriends her and she realizes that Slytherin isn’t too bad of a house and she starts getting more comfortable with everyone

•Connor and Jared are absolutely pissed to be in the same house and they can’t stand each other and constantly annoy the other Ravenclaws by their bickering

•Jared is a muggleborn

•Alana and the Murphy siblings are pureblood

•Evan is a halfblood

•Evan finds out that the reason why his dad left him and Heidi when he was younger was because it wasn’t safe for a wizard like him to be out in the muggle world anymore and he had to leave Evan with Heidi because it was safer for him to be away from them

•And he has incredible trouble coping with this and actually takes it against his dad for some time before coming to terms with it

•Zoe is surprisingly taken as a beater for Quidditch

•And he would never admit it but Connor comes to watch every game Zoe’s in

•Connor also watches Zoe’s every single move in Quidditch and will literally murder anyone who even just almost hurts her

•Meanwhile Jared’s a Keeper, and he especially likes Quidditch because “the Quaffle looks like a huge bathbomb, what can be more awesome than that?”

•Alana keeps track of the scores and announces what’s going on and actually got paid once by Connor to focus ONLY on Zoe and what’s happening to her during a Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor match

•Connor was seriously also ready to beat Jared up after he accidentally injured Zoe

•"Connor, it’s just a bruise!!“ “ITS HIS FAULT I’LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM ZOE HE BETTER APOLOGIZE TO YOU OR THAT MOTHERFUCKER WILL HEAR FROM ME”

•During classes, Evan absolutely loves Herbology and is quite obviously the teacher’s favorite as he knows all about any type of magical plant

•Because of this he’s barely afraid of the whomping willow as well

•Which, of course, amazes everyone because the whomping willow is basically like a tree from the depths of hell

•Connor also does incredibly well at Defense Against the Dark Arts and just blows everyone away after acing practically every homework, test, lesson and essay there is to the class

•Alana is a huge Potions nerd, and she loves measuring and computing for all the ingredients needed to make a certain concoction and she always stays up late in the Slytherin common room with that one good friend she has trying to figure out how to do a certain tricky potion

•Jared, meanwhile, amazes everyone at Transfiguration. He even somehow learned how to turn into a mouse within his first year

•However he wasn’t very lucky when Connor transformed into a cat and started chasing him in rat form

•He got injured with claw marks all over his body in human form and had to go to Evan to get some healing herbs applied to his wounds

•"That hurts, Evan.“ “Sorry, just bear with it for a little longer please.” “It burns like the fires of hell.” “How do you know what the fires of hell feel like?” “Hansen, I’m the insanely cool Jared Kleinman. I’ve been through hell and back and still managed to look dashing and I still maintain my awesomeness.”

(More hogwarts au headcanons coming soon, maybe even for other musicals. Submit some to me if you have your own. Also feel free to leave an ask recommending which musical I should make hogwarts aus out of. I’m cool with anything as long as I’m into it)

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Please Help me and my cat!

Hello there and sorry for taking up some of your time but if you could help me it would be really much appreciated!

First of all my name is Killian, I’m 20 and living at home in germany with my parents and my precious cat who helped me through a lot of trouble and emotional stuff, and I’m really really grateful for having him.

Around a month ago he started crying all the time, had trouble peeing and some other issues. We went to the vet and they managed to fix it for around 3 weeks, but now the same issue is back, and even worse. We went there again but it’s not clear what he has and how bad it is and worst; how expensive it could be to find out and fix it. I’m currently without a job because of my apprenticeship (which I’m not getting paid for), I get around (~80€) $90 a month from my parents but I have to buy food for myself and for the cat so I don’t really have any to pay what’s coming up. But the vet expects it to be at least ~(280€) $300, which is terribly expensive. And I’m in (~150€) $160 dollar in debt because of an uncleared issue with the registry office and it might get more and more expensive.

I’m trying to earn money with drawing and selling designs but it doesn’t give me that much, my friends can’t help me because they don’t have any money themself.


Any help will be appreciated, even if it’s just $1 or even less, I need anything I can get. Reblogging would also help a lot to share it, so if you can’t help us, maybe someone else can..

If you wanna help me, my paypal is: askjell.lindner@googlemail.com

So…I can’t wait for the fic where Winston is like “TORBJORN IS ON HIS WAY BACK! And he’s bringing…an assistant?” And everyone’s super hype and then they all flip shit when it’s Torbjorn and Bastion because ????

Reinhardt: THATS A BASTION UNIT

Torbjorn: yeah and do you know how many animals I’ve had to foster on my way here? Because of it there was three weeks with a family of skunks who thought we were the greate– STOP FEEDING STRAY DOGS they might belong to someone and oh. Okay yes I’ll hold this cat where did you get this?

Everyone else: ????????????

Assassin AUs

1.      ‘Wait, you’ve been hired to killthis guy too?!’ AU

2.      ‘My apologies, upon closer inspection it turns out that you are not the person I was hired to kill.’ AU

3.      ‘I haven’t decided if I’m actually going to kill you yet but first, either way, what did you DO to piss off the Canadians so badly.’ AU

4.      ‘They never told me the target was also a trained killer. Did they tell you?’ AU

5.      ‘I’m meant to kill you but I’ve been watching you for a week to work out how and you’re just too nice.’ AU

6.      ‘I’m intrigued; the last three attempts on my life were much better funded and prepared.’ AU

7.      ‘All my intel said you’re not meant to be back until next week and I’m sitting here using your flat as a sniper nest to kill a bad guy. This is awkward.’ AU

8.      ‘I can only assume we’re both missing part of the story here because that was supposed to kill you.’ AU

9.      ‘Dude, you just shot my arm off. Do they not hire assassins with an aim anymore?’ AU

10.  ‘Explain to me one more time, why exactly are you so desperate to buy this much Ricin?’ AU

11.  ‘So let me get this straight. You nuked my entire home city and you still didn’t manage to kill me?’ AU

12.  ‘Dude, no. If you kill me that just leaves you, the crazy guy and the CAT!’ AU

13.  ‘I don’t know who you are or how you got in here but I need you to give back at least some of the armoury.’ AU

14.  ‘Having drawn the short straw I’m the guy who has to explain to you why we can’t take out a hit on an entire landmass.’ AU

15.  ‘Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot back there but we are literally the only two people on this boat who are not assassins, so…’ AU

Fate is a bitch - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Warning : I was drunk when I wrote this, just coming back from a friend place…I drunk two beers, and that’s enough for me to get drunk, how weak am I right ? It’s because I never drink…Anyway, that’s why this fic is shittier than usually blahblahblah it’s all fun and game until blahblahblah I thought about not writing this and posting it, but then I promised two stories for tonight so still did it and I’m an idiot yes thank you very much. Look how great Bruce looks down there. Damn hottie. DAAAAAAMN HOTTIE. 

Decided to group two requests, because the two together inspired me. So here for a shy reader, newly a Justice League member, intimidated by the Bat. As usual, feedbacks are very welcome, hope you’ll like it :

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

________________________________________________ 

Destiny. 

You strongly believed in Destiny. 

No matter what people could say, how many arguments against it they had, and how much they were sceptic about it…it wouldn’t change your mind. You strongly believed in Destiny.

Because it was impossible only coincidences brought you were you were now…in the Justice League’s headquarters ! 

It wasn’t a coincidence that your path crossed Billy Batson’s, aka Shazam, one of the most powerful superhero in the World (though he was barely ten years old), and that you ended up adopting him.

It wasn’t a coincidence that you so happen to be a meta-human too, being able to manipulate the four elements. 

It wasn’t a coincidence that your son got noticed by the Justice League, nor was it a coincidence either that soon, the leaguers discovered he was only a ten year old boy in the body of a grown ass man (when he used his powers) and therefor, discovered that he had a mom…you. Who almost grilled Superman because you thought he wanted to hurt your boy. 

You believe strongly in Destiny, because hell, if all those chain of events were just coincidental, then wow…It just didn’t make sense. It was just too good to be true you know ? From your first meeting with four years old Billy to now, sitting in the League’s headquarter, in fucking Space ! 

The first one you met was Batman, and damn that guy was intimidating…But when he spoke to you, and when he congratulated you to have raised such a good boy as Billy, something weird happened in your heart. 

At first, you pegged it for a stupid teenage like crush. Like the slight infatuation you’d have on the most popular boy in school, or on a teacher, knowing damn well you’d never have a chance with them. But then…Then it was more than that. The more you saw and talked to him, the more you had…feelings stirring in your belly and such. 

Destiny. You strongly believed in it. 

So, when you started to fall for the Bat, you decided it was also Destiny…Only, sometimes fate could be a bitch, and would destin you to be a sad miserable human being. Because there was absolutely NO chance that you’d ever get with a guy like Batman, he was way out of your league. 

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wither me down

Summary: It’s strange, how Otabek doesn’t mind that his lungs are filled with flowers and each day is more agonizing than the last. After all, loving Yuri Plisetsky is a privilege in and of itself. (belated happy valentine’s day! warning for character death, otayuri, hanahaki au, word count: 6166)



He first meets Yuri when he is twelve, almost thirteen. He is hunched over, heaving from the strenuous exercise that Yakov made them do, and he looks up to try again when he sees him. He must be ten at the oldest, and is without a doubt the best student in that room. Otabek never pays much attention to the other students, but this time he looks at this boy, who manages to complete the exercise he’s been struggling with effortlessly.

And then the boy’s head turned to look at his direction, and he is captivated.

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y’all… i can’t get over how much i adore that Cat’s gone back to calling her Keira in this episode. and when she calls her “Keira Danvers”, using her last name correctly but still using Keira…. i have been thinking about this nonstop for two days and my heart hasn’t stopped pounding at this gesture. the fact that Cat brings this little facet of their old familiar life back in as a comfort because she knows Kara is struggling and she knows she can’t really comfort Kara in the way she wants to… but she will do what she does best, and prop her up Cat Grant-style.  and if you think Kara is offended by being called Keira again, we aren’t watching the same show because Kara never skips a beat when Cat calls her Keira and you can see it in her eyes that she hears the warmth behind the nickname and she finds the support she needs in such a subtle intimate word and there is so much love Cat is yearning to give her and i just have so many emotions

Secret Santa Gift EXCHANGE!

This is my secret santa gift for @pozolegirl 

I was so excited when I got my assignment and it was for someone whose work I already knew and admired! I hope you like your gift!! 


“So you were right.”

“Was I now?”

“Yes. Ladybug agreed that buying expensive jewelry for a girl you are not dating does, in fact, send mixed signals.” Chat sighed as he dropped down through the skylight and sprawled out against the bedding.

“I told you.” Marinette grinned smugly, not even bothering to look up at him from her desk.

“I can’t believe that you two are ganging up on me!” Chat whined, burying his face into her giant cat pillow.

“I can’t believe you talk about me to Ladybug.” Marinette laughed, her attention already back to whatever project she was currently working on.

“well, she doesn’t like it if I talk too much about my civilian life and you are my only other friend as Chat Noir.”

“I know but… never mind.” She shook her head softly, muttering something under her breath.

“So what sort of present do you want me to get you for Christmas?” Chat asked peering over the loft railing. She froze, her eyebrows furrowing. He grinned in anticipation.

“You already got me a present remember? The absurdly expensive piece of jewelry?” She finally looked up at him with an eyebrow raised challengingly.

“Yeah but you hated it.” He smirked.

“I did not hate it! I just thought a 295 Euro necklace was a little much for a just friends present.”

“Yes you made your feelings on that perfectly clear last time. The point is I need to get you a present that you actually appreciate getting.”

“I do appreciate it! I am literally wearing it right now!”

“That’s just cause you feel guilty. I will get you the perfect present. Just watch.”

Marinette groaned, pulling distractedly on her pigtails.

“Chat you are being ridiculous. You don’t need to get me another present.”

“What do you want?” he asked, grinning wider.

“I want you to not get me another present.”

“Try again. What do you want?”

“I’m not telling you,” she huffed.

“Fine. I have other ways of figuring things out. Just you wait Princess, I will get you the perfect Christmas present.” He stood up, giving her a jaunty salute as he pulled himself back up through the skylight.

“Chat!” She called after him.

He waited silently on her terrace, holding back the bubble of laughter in his chest. He could hear her shuffling around in the room, waiting to see if he would poke his head back in or if he had actually gone.

“Stupid cat,” she muttered finally.

Only then did he disappear into the night.

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